#myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kellystar321 · 2 years

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*lays down next to you*

Hi dearest, when/if you feel like it, what would be the ideal life for you?

There's no real reason behind this question, it just came to me, and if you're ever comfortable with it, I'd like to hear your stand on the matter<3,,

*kisses your forehead and lays down with you* hello darling my beloved <33

if we're going for unrealistic, i want capitalism to stop forever, all education and housing to be free, magic to exist, and a neverending supply of candy :P <33

but if you mean imagining a semi-realistic future, i think my ideal life starts when i can cut my hair short, which sounds a lot simpler than it is.

it implies that i have a job, that i have money so i can support myself and my family, it implies that i have a place to call home (not just a house, like actually home, where i feel comfortable with the people i'm living with), it implies that the people around me aren't going to be angry at me. when im safe and when i can present myself however i want and when im finally allowed to be happy.

my ideal life is one where im not tired and in pain and in hiding and stuck where i don't want to be and forced to have long hair.

it's a lot of little wants. i want to sit on the roof of my home and look up at the stars, and i want to paint my walls orange, i want to draw whenever i want, i want to wear a suit, i want to have a dishwasher, i want to buy hot chocolate on winter mornings and boba tea on sunny afternoons, i want to have a regular therapist to talk to, i want to go on a roadtrip, i want to march in a pride parade, i want to change my legal name, i want to adopt a cat, and when im ready, i want to adopt a baby. i want my siblings to be safe and happy and i want my parents to be far away but also safe and happy.

i want to cut my hair and then it'll be my choice if i want to grow it back out.

it's a lot of wants and they all might not be especially poignant to most people, but to me, this is what freedom feels like.

this question is very difficult (but thank you for asking it, i promise you i appreciate it my dear darling) :'> <33 it's just... so hard for me to imagine a future. a life for myself where i can be happy. i try not to think that far ahead; i don't think i can. it feels unattainable, intangible, unreachable. it feels like a child's wish, it's so hard to imagine the future. it's so hard to think i'll be around long enough to actually have that life to live.

but i want to have that someday. i don't want to die anymore. i want to keep going, i want to be happy, i want that life ahead of me. my ideal life is more than i can say, more than i can imagine, but i want to live it.

that's all <3 thank you for the ask darling, i love you <33

#starlight originals

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irbcallmefynn · 2 months

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Hhghgjhffghdhfhhhfh heellllp Im back in that mindset that nothing's ever going to change and I'm gonna be stuck living with my parents forever always going back and forth to and from my mom's house and I'll never be able to be with the people I love and we're going to drift apart like all the other people I've been even remotely close to and I'm going to be stuck with just my family until they die and then I'll die alone cause I'll have nobody to help me cause i can't take care of myself

I need things to change so I can live my life and be happy but I physically can't wait for it. It fucking hurts. I feel sick from it.

#vent

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xxx666xxxnight · 2 years

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we were just playing with each other in bed like little kids. tickling each other, he showed me posts he sent me on Instagram and we laughed at stupid shit posts. then he just switched. and i meant nothing, not even a friend. i dont know why hes like this to me now. he doesnt see it. he doesnt care. im in so much pain. from the little things to thr bad things, they all add up. they all feel like stabs in my chest. i wake up everyday feeling depressed because the man sleeping next to me might wake up happy to see me, but he might also wake up wishing i werent there. i think this is starting to affect my health. i cant fall asleep at night because my ming is racing with thoughts on how hes cheated, how he doesnt like me, how he doesnt love me, he doesnt find me attractive, he treats me horribly but doesnt see how. once i do fall asleeo i never want to wake up, i dread everyday because hes my life and he doesnt want me. everything he does consumes my mind and that may sound pathetic but its just the way it is. my head always hurts. im noticing that my stomach only hurts when hes around. i just want him to love me. i dont know whats wrong with me. ive never been this kind of girl. hurting herself and her life over a boy. i had dreams. i was smart. i had friends.i was going to go to college in new york and finally break out of my shell and go party and date different boys and girls but never settle because im young and focusing on myself and this sounds so cliche but it's true FUCK.

im only 19 im only 19 but i feel like my life is ending over a fucking boy. he took my high school years. he took my first kiss. my first smoke. my virginity. he took over my life and maybe thats my own fault but i didnt mind. because he used to love me just the same. he looked at me with love, and he wasnt mean to me, and if he was on accident he cried because he felt bad and he told me i was the most important thing in his life and now im garbage. i feel so alome. so stuck. i dont know whag to do. i domt want to leave him.i love him so much it hurts. i see a future with him.i want to marry him. were living together, weve blended our cat family together weve helped each other through everything. ive helped him through everything . we went through highschool together, friends, friend breakups, pet death, family problems, vacations, EVERYTHING. we've lived life together and we're so young. please i dont know why this is happening. i thought he would love me forever but its already ended. i felt like we've been together for forever but also like we jsut met. hes 2 different people. i miss him so much. i wish he would come to the bathroom right now. i wosh he cared. i wish he was up right now worried about me. but i know he isnt. deep dowm i know he was annoyed when he felt me get out of bed. deep down i know hes sleeping right now. and deep down i know ghat im going to talk to him tomorrow and cry to him and give him a speach and hell sa sorry and we'll go back to normal.

i camt do this anymore. i dont know what to do.

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writerdreamer2000 · 2 years

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Saved

(Not my gif!)

Edward Cullen x Reader

Warnings: violence, angst

I walked through the empty forest quietly. I heard footsteps behind me so I quickened my pace. You see, I was a vampire. I was about 75 years old and I as well as the natural vampire abilities had advanced hearing.

Many other vampires thought this was an amazing gift. I could hear things from miles away and I could be aware of threats coming towards me.

I on the other hand thought it was a curse. Yes, I could hear enemies coming and I could hear their plans so I could get away, but I could also hear the things I didn't want to hear. I could hear my family being slaughtered by werewolves. I could hear people talking behind my back. I could hear the sounds of people dying around me.

The sounds of footsteps grew louder and louder so I picked up the pace and started to jog through the foggy forest. The light of the moon barely lighting the way. I crouched behind a fallen tree and heard voices.

"Where is that vampire? I saw it come this way." He grumbled and I heard him start sniffing. I knew he could smell me so I had to move fast. I turned to run and was met by a familiar face. A hand was put over my mouth to keep me from shouting.

I glared at the boy in front of me. Of course it had to be him. The one and only Edward Cullen.

Edward and I met about 50 years ago. I stole his wallet and his car which he didn't like so he tracked me down and I nearly got burned to death. I glared at him. If a glare could kill he'd be dead 5 times over.

He grabbed my arm and started running. I had no choice but to follow. Once we got to a clearing I stomped on his foot so he'd have to let me go. He winced and looked at me in confusion.

"Your welcome." He stated bluntly and I scoffed.

"I was fine without you smiley." I retorted and started to walk away but he grabbed my arm causing me to flip him over and pin him to the ground.

"You can't hate me forever just because of what happened." He grunted as I sat on his chest with his arms pinned above his head. I looked up with a look of mock consideration than shook my head.

"No thanks. Come near me again and I'll bite your head off." I stood up and looked around listening for the werewolves but I couldn't hear anything.

"Are they gone?" He asked and I shrugged.

"No idea. I wish you were gone though." I smiled sweetly at him and he shook his head.

"I can't believe you hate me for saving your life." He started to walk away. I sighed and looked up at the dark sky.

It was true. He had saved me. When I stole from him he found me and we fought. He won and I thought he was going to kill me but he didn't. He let me live which shocked me. I tried to run away but their were a group of werewolves waiting for me. He saved me and that started a rivalry that has gone on for 50 years.

"I don't hate you smiley." I called making him turn around to look at me. "I hate me." He walked back over.

"Why?" He asked as he stood in front of me.

"Why do you think these werewolves are after me? Im a theif, a con artist. I put myself in these positions and you always get me out. Who knows how but you're always there."

"Maybe it's just fate." He spoke softly I shook my head.

"I don't believe in fate. It's a stupid concept." He rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you should also try being less hard headed." He grunted and started to leave. I had no where else to go and I knew the Wolves were still out there so I decided to follow him. "What are you doing?" He turned and looked into my (e/c) eyes.

"Following you. Is that an issue?" I retorted and he grumbled under his breath. We walked for quite a bit until we reached a small cabin.

I walked in with him and he locked the door. He made sure all the windows were shut and he checked the chimney for some reason.

"Looking for a pot of gold?" I asked making him roll his eyes.

"Nope. We're stuck here for the night. Town is too far. We'll need to wait out the wolves. So (l/n) I think we should attempt to get along." I nodded and sat down with my back against the wall. The sun was starting to rise and the wolves would be more active.

Edward came and sat next to me I absent-mindedly played with my (h/l)(h/c) hair and sighed.

"Thank you for your help. I'd be roast (y/n) right now if it wasn't for you." I mumbled barely audible but he gave a gentle nod. I closed my eyes and just let the day seep into night.

.................

I woke up and grumbled to myself. I had my head leaning on his shoulder and he just looked at the door. The sun was starting to set meaning it was almost time to move on. He stood up slowly but I grabbed his hand.

I heard rustling and voices outside. He looked at me I confusion.

"Theyre right outside." I whispered. He nodded slowly. Suddenly the door came crashing down and chaos ensued.

I fought with all my might as did he. I got scratched a few times but I made it out the door and just ran. I stopped when I was out of breath and I looked around. Edward wasn't behind me.

"Crap...." I muttered. I had an inner dilemma, I could go try and save him and possibly get killed or I could be brave and go save him. I paced for a moment then it hit me. He would save me. He always does even though we have this rivalry. I darted back towards the house and looked through a cracked window.

Edward was on the ground crawling away from the group of wolves. I gulped and grabbed a stick off the ground. I snuck in through the broken down door and walked quietly towards the wolves.

"If we kill him maybe the other one will come back." One stated. I took my moment and hut him on top of the head witg my stick. He tumbled to the ground and the other 2 looked at me with Fury. Edward took his chance and ripped ones head off in a swift movement.

The remaining wolf cowered into a corner. I stared at him and then looked at Edward.

"Let him go." He looked at me in shock.

"We can't. He can't be trusted." I shook my head.

"I couldn't be trusted and you let me go." He shook his head. I turned to the wolf. "Go or I kill you." He nodded his head and I turned to Edward. "Im sick of doing the wrong thing." Before I knew it the wolf lunged at me but Before he could hurt me Edward bit his throat killing him. His eyes were red for a moment then they turned back to his beautiful green.

"He couldn't be trusted." He muttered and looked at me.

"How did you know!? You let me live! Maybe I couldn't be trusted!" I exclaimed a mix of shock and anger.

"I could read your thoughts. I knew you could be trusted because you were scared and you just wanted to get away. This wolf wanted to kill you and he wasn't going to stop until he did it." Edward stated calmly. Before I could register what I was doing I pulled him in for a long kiss. When we pulled apart for air I sighed. He rested his forehead against mine.

"Thank you." I whispered and he nodded.

"You as well." He mumbled. I started to walk away but I turned back to look at him.

"I still don't like you." I smiled and he chuckled slightly.

"Thats not what your mind says." He called back making me laugh.

"I'll see you again soon smiley." I stated and walked away smiling. He watched me disappear into the forest from the doorway.

As I walked away I heard him mumble under hus breath. "I love you" He knew I heard it and I knew he meant it. Even though we were going different directions I knew. I knew that we'd see each other again.

...........20 years later.........

I walked through I crowded street and I heard a familiar heartbeat. I walked abs the beats kept getting louder and louder. I stopped once I reached the woods on the outskirts of town. Everything had changed so much.

I looked around until I was knocked down and pinned to the ground. Ed ward hovered above me and his eyes widened wgen he saw it was me.

"Hey smiley." I smiled and pulled him down for a kiss.

..................

This was a requested One-Shot.

I hope it's what you wanted I've never seen Twilight before so I did a lot of Google searching.

Requests are very much welcomed!

#twilight #edward cullen x reader #cullen × reader #twilight one shot #edward Cullen one shot

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radiorenjun · 4 years

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I Don't Need It. i

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: i, ii

"Hey Jaemin?" you said, not looking up from your bucket filled with sand. "Yeah?" your friend replied, sitting down infront of you, sand moving everywhere from the impact. You flipped the bucket over, tapping it with your palms and the end of the plastic shovel.

"Do you think my soulmate is just gonna be like Daddy?" you asked, creating sand walls with your palm as Jaemin set up mini towers beside the bucket with his little cup. "Soulmate? Gross," his face scrunched up in disgust, sticking his tongue out which caused you to giggle.

"You're gonna have one, too, dummy!" your hands grabbed one of your stuffed animals and throwing it at him. "Yeah, but I don't wanna." he pouted, grabbing the shovel beside you to fill another bucket with the sand around you, putting your stuffed animal aside.

"Why not?"

"Cause it's stupid."

"It's not stupid!"

You look up at him with a pout, looking at Jaemin who's eyes was filled with anger. "Why?" you asked, pulling your bucket to reveal a perfectly made sand castle. "It's stupid how we can't choose our soulmates." he whined.

"Why?" you asked again, in the same calm tone as you decorated your sandcastle with tiny figurines of your latest favorite cartoon. "I want to choose myself." he ran his hand through the sand, picking a pile up with his palm before letting it pour out in between his fingers.

"I want to choose my soulmate." he stated after a sigh, looking at you with his lips sucked in between his teeth as you gave him a sweet understanding smile. "Dont you, Y/n?" he asked, making you look up at him with a small questioning hum.

"Don't you wanna choose your soulmate, too?" he asked. "Me?" you asked, pointing a finger at yourself, making him nod. You grabbed your tigger plushie and hugged it to yourself, "I want to. So bad. Mommy says soulmates are the ones that make you happy, and would protect you when Mommy and Daddy aren't around. And would always be with you forever and ever," you gushed.

You paused as you hugged your plushie tight, "I would do anything to meet my soulmate." you sighed dreamily. "I think Tigger might be your soulmate," Jaemin teased. "I wish." you stuck your tongue and blew a raspberry teasingly at him, making him laugh.

"But Mommy says Tigger can't have a tattoo when he's 16 years old." you whined, looking at your plushie with your lips pursed. "See! This is why I don't want a soulmate." Jaemin huffed, raising his arms out at you before crossing them against his chest dramatically.

"I thought you said you want to choose your soulmate," you smiled, nuzzling your head against Tigger. Jaemin frowned, kicking some sand off the soles of his shoes, "That too." he grumbled under his breath.

"Even if your soulmate was me?" you asked teasingly, poking your cheek with your hand to act cute. The boy let out a giggle, throwing your plushie that was previously thrown at him to you. "Especially you!"

His words made you frown, your bottom lip sticking out. "Meanie! Na Jaemin is a meanie!" you whined before looking at your Tigger plush. "Tigger, Jaemin is a big meanie. He's not my soulmate. My soulmate would make me happy, not be mean to me." You announced dramatically as Jaemin stuck his tongue out with a teasing smile.

"For now, you're my soulmate, Tigger! Tigger makes me happy all the time!" you grinned widely as Jaemin laughed. "Tigger can't be your soulmate, y/n!!" he laughed, clutching his stomach at your weird antics.

"Yes he can! And he's a better soulmate than you'll ever be, Jaemin! Soulmates make each other happy all the time, not be mean to them!" you turned your head away from Jaemin dramatically, making Jaemin snort.

You were six years old when you found out Jaemin didn't want a soulmate. At least, a soulmate that was chosen for him. You didn't think he was serious, thinking it was merely just a phase that he would eventually get over and accept reality.

You were thirteen years old when you're beginning to think otherwise.

"Jaemin!!" you exclaimed, running up to him and hopping as you lay your hands on his shoulders, startling the boy. "How's my favorite bestfriend?" you grinned, tilting your head as you watch Jaemin chuckle softly at you.

"Im your only bestfriend, loser." he stated casually causing your smile to drop. "Damn, do you always have to ruin my mood? That is no way to speak to your precious best friend." you tutted, waving your index finger at him, making the boy giggle as he rolled his eyes.

"It's my job as a bestfriend to turn your life upside-down right?" he grinned as he shut his locker, walking by your side to your class. "Yeah, you're definitely not my soulmate." you stated in a monotone voice, your lips pursed dramatically.

"Could you stop talking bout soulmates for just a second?" he groaned loudly, tilting his head back in frustration. You grinned, "right, I forgot your sister found hers already. Must suck to hear how everyone in your family isn't single no more." you teased.

"Oh shut up, you're single too. Idiot." he sassed, gently flicking your forehead which caused you to let out a small yelp. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." you pouted, rubbing the slightly sore spot on your forehead as you continued to walk down the crowded halls.

"You still on that 'I'll reject my soulmate when I meet them' phase?" you mumbled, "this phase feels like its gonna last a whole lifetime, God." you continued as Jaemin let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not a phase, Y/n." he stated.

You raised your brow questioningly at your best friend, "you sure you won't change your mind?" you asked. You saw him nod without meeting your eyes, determined to keep his word. "Alright, dang, I feel bad whoever gets to be your soulmate." you chuckled.

"You're still love struck bout finding them? You got three years left til you actually get your tattoo. What's the rush?" he grinned after a moment of silence. You raise your eyebrows, "there's no rush. I just." you sighed, looking down at your two feet, your shoelaces both tied to a tight knot.

"I really really want to meet them." you sucked in your lips, hearing Jaemin let out a chuckle. "No kidding, y/n." he joked which made you glare at him. "I'm serious." you said, looking into his eyes with full seriousness to prove to him that you're actually that hyped up.

"I really really want to meet them. " you spoke. "My parents always show so much love for each other and they just make the concept seem so exciting. My mom says meeting your soulmate makes you feel whole and you can't stop yourself from smiling when you're around them." you explained.

"It's something you don't understand." you grinned, booping his nose which caused him to let out a small laugh. "Yeah, because I'm mostly sick of seeing my folks being all lovey dovey infront of me. Now I have my sister doing it," he scrunches his face in disgust.

"No matter, soulmates make each other happy. I'm sure mine is no different." you rolled your eyes, "your soulmate would just spend the rest of their lives being rejected by your stubborn ass," you nudged his side, making him smile. "Oh shut up," he laughed.

"Have you done your homework, mister?" you raised your brow teasingly. His face contorted from disgust to shock, his eyes widening. "We have homework?"

On your sixteenth birthday, you couldn't be more excited. They say the moment you blow your candles, it will start to appear. Jaemin got his on his birthday since he was older, his frown evident everytime he looks at his wrist.

He would cover his mark up with a bracelet or a watch so he wouldn't have to look at it every moment of his life. 'He's still going strong with his distaste for soulmates, huh?' you thought as you stared at yourself at the mirror, preparing for your big day.

The people you love around you, your parents putting down your cake infront of you with candles in the shape of numbers brightly lit. Everyone clapping and singing a happy birthday song before ending it with you blowing your candles.

You felt the skin on your wrist fidget, looking down at your left wrist everyone came closer to see your tattoo. Ink began to appear on your skin, forming a familiar small red heart balloon flying in between two clouds, awing everyone in the room.

Your jaw dropped as your eyes widened at the mark. The ink had stopped appearing, leaving your wrist with a small odd feeling. Like a thin layered sticker sticking to your skin. You looked up at the people around you who gave you compliments at your mark.

Everyone was smiling and congratulating you, however, your parents and Jaemin's parents were'nt looking too bright at your mark. Jaemin was unconsciously holding onto his left wrist which was covered by his new watch.

"Dude, your tattoo looks so aesthetically pleasing."

"Your tattoo looks so cute, do you think you found your soulmate already?"

"I hope you find them soon!"

"Man, I can't wait til I'm 16. That shit looked amazing!"

"Wonder who your soulmate is"

Everyone's words blurred in your ears as your eyes subtly went to Jaemin who was talking to his friends in the corner with a drink in his hand. His eyes met yours before giving you a small half hearted smile. It wasn't genuine. You knew what he was going to say after this party was over.

You gazed at the mark on your left wrist, running your thumb over it gently. Your head deep in the clouds, ignoring the people around you.

"Hey." Jaemin mumbled awkwardly after the party ended, leaving your house empty with just you, Jaemin and both of your parents. "Hey," you replied, tugging the sleeves of your hoodie as you didn't know what to say to him.

"So. We're soulmates." he stated as if it wasn't the obvious. Your eyes went to his left wrist, seeing that he had taken his watch off, leaving the skin a bit red from how tight he put on the watch. The similar mark of a red heart balloon in between two clouds evident on his skin.

"I guess." you shrugged, hugging your pillow to your chest tightly, tightening your grip with every passing second. "Listen, I-" Jaemin spoke after a long excruciating moment of silence. He cut himself off with a deep inhale.

"You know how I feel bout soulmates more than anyone. And it still hasn't change. You know I don't want a soulmate, at least one that's chosen for me." he bit his lip nervously, eyes not meeting yours. You couldn't lie, it felt like a strong punch to your gut. "But, like," Jaemin scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "I don't want to lose you, my best friend, because of this silly stupid mark."

You furrowed your brows. 'He's your soulmate. You're fated to be together. He'll accept the fact soon, right? He just needs a little convincing.' you bit your lip. You were stubborn and you know it. You're gonna change his mind even if it's the last thing you do.

"So, can we just put this behind us-" Jaemin spoke softly before you cut him off. "No," you said in a bold tone, making him look at you wide confused eyes, brows furrowed. "What?" he mumbled.

You look up at him with determined eyes and a bright smile. "I know this isn't going to be easy but I'm going to do whatever it takes to convince you that deep down I know you feel something for me. Why? Cause we're soul mates and sooner or later you're going to accept that!" you huffed dramatically.

Jaemin started at you in disbelief, "don't try to talk me out of this. I'm just as stubborn as you are! I'm not stopping til you accept me as your soulmate," you put your hands on your hips, standing up to push him out of the room. "Wait what, Y/n-" he started as he stumbled to the exit of your room.

"Now get out, starting tomorrow I'm going to convince you. Therefore, I'll be needing tons and tons of rest. Just you wait, Na Jaemin. L/N Y/N is going to work hard for this!" you stuck your tongue out before slamming the door shut. You heard him sigh from the other side of the door before walking away half a minute later.

You leaned your back against the door in exhaustion, sliding down to sit down on the floor. Your smile turning to a quick frown as you ran a hand through your hair in frustration. This is going to be tough.

#nct angst #nct x reader #nct #nctzen #nct au #nct jaemin #nct dream x you #nct dream x reader #nct dream #nct dream jaemin #jaemin x you #na jaemin #jaemin x reader #na jaemin x reader #nct x you #nct jaemin x reader

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raethethey · 3 years

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Update

so im stressed. if you cant see that or havent heard that from me yet, here it is. school is a huge leap for me considering i took a yr off after graduating hs and then went to a community college and then proceeded to take another yr off after finishing two semesters there. I really feel as though im still not ready. but my family is very pushy and i cant live off them forever without mentally destroying myself and having them be disappointed in me forever. so im going to school for the only thing thats mildly interested me in the past 7-8 yrs.

tl,dr: I'm taking a break from social media. (I'll be active in the sense that I am a bored person and do nothing but go on social media) but I will not be writing or making moodboards or reblogging content and I'll probably ignore asks if I don't feel like I could answer without sounding like a robot. also i still love you guys i just feel like a floating rock. I'm sorry

growing up ive never wanted to go to school. im not a social person so i didnt go for the ppl. im not smart so i didnt really like the studying and tests and homework. im not althletic and would really rather do nothing all day so I didn't go for the sports or after school activities. school was just mandatory and dear god I was not going to get homeschooled by my mother thank you.

with that thought in mind and my parents financial situation when they sent my little sister off to a boarding school I decided id rather let my sister use my college money to go and do/be something great in the future. so I just never dreamed. i never imagined myself going into further studies. i never imagined the future. i would sacrifice everything for my brat of a sister who doesn't even have any work ethic. i would.

but as parents are they expect something of me. get a job and grow up yk. but I'm scared of literally everything and myself so that's impossible. I'm also stuck in my past and cant get over trauma lol. i sabotage my life on purpose and I know it. i think so negatively its become who I am. i wont get help for my mental problem bc I'm so sick and just don't want it. i don't want to rely on meds. i don't want to have to talk to somebody abt all this shit going on inside. especially bc id have to pay them.

in the end it really just all comes down to money. and I have such a spending problem too. I'm scared of the insecurity i feel. my dad is financially fine. in fact we're better off than I know, it's just that at some point in my life we weren't and I was a kid when I learned that. so I developed a fear of never being able to do what I want bc I didn't think id be able to afford it. and the world is ruled by money. but again I cant always live with my dad and especially not my mother. I cannot depend on someone my entire life and yet I need to. Im not independent and I never will be. i suffer from loneliness and dont take care of myself if Im alone. i barely even do it even though my dad is right downstairs.

I'm scared of the future bc i never thought i had one in the first place. I'm scared of myself bc I'm the one that has to take care of me and idk how to. nobody has taught me and I have the inability to learn how on my own. I'm stupid in the ways of life and I don't ask for help in fear of looking dumb and having ppl hold that over my head. I'm completely lost and no one is going to hand me a compass bc who tf owns a compass.

#its raening💛#college things💫

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

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