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bri-sonat · 1 year

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NSFW Questions About Gwen's Big Five - Part Two

Questions are taken from this. The original poster deactivated their account, so it's the reblog that is linked. All the questions are modified and some are removed (either because the question had already been answered or because it referred to hetero relations.)

NSFW Questions About Gwen's Big Five Masterlist

What better way to celebrate this holy day than some questions about sinful things. A delicious team effort between @daydream-cement and I. With the occasional assistance from my beloved @na-shoba.

What does their favorite sexy underwear look like?

Brienne: She doesn’t have any. She can’t see herself putting them on and actually feeling sexy, so she’d rather not spend money on something she won’t wear. Her favorite sexy underwear is one of her partner’s favorite sexy underwear, if they have one.

Larissa: Her favorite is this lacy light green set that matches one of her favorite dresses. She thinks it looks incredibly flattering and the color coordination makes her feel powerful.

Lucifer: They have a long sheer nightgown that they will wear from time to time for their partner. They believe they look attractive in everything, so they don’t give it all that much thought.

Phasma: She does not have any. She thinks sexy underwear is a good sports bra and matching panties, the same color and stuff. She doesn’t believe in the concept of “sexy clothes.” She thinks she always looks sexy in whatever she wears.

Miranda: She has two. A very intricate black lace lingerie set and a little silk nightgown that shows off every inch of those long legs.

How often do they have sex?

Brienne: If she doesn’t have a partner, never. Maybe once in her life ever, MAYBE. If she has a partner, it depends on her partner’s desires. After the long-awaited first time (by mostly her partner), it can vary from two to five times a week, depending on time and availability.

Larissa: When she isn’t in a relationship, she may seek out a partner a few times a year. When she is in a relationship, it is very dependent on her partner’s desires but she is satisfied with 2-3 times a week.

Lucifer: If they do not have a partner, Lucifer enjoys sex as the desire arises. If they are in a relationship, their sexual appetite is very much dependent on their partner’s. They will certainly indulge in having sex frequently if that is what their partner desires or they are content with infrequent sex as well.

Phasma: Depending on her duties. She has sex at least once a week. If she is stationed on Starkiller Base and not sieging a planet or fighting for the First Order, three times a week. It didn’t take long for her to have sex with every single woman on the Starkiller and she doesn’t know how many times she has gone through all the female co-workers on base at this point.

Miranda: When she isn’t in a relationship, maybe a fling every couple months. When she is in a relationship, 3-5 times a week, depending on work hours and stuff.

Is there anybody right now they’d like to have sex with?

Brienne: No.

Larissa: Not many expect Larissa to have celebrity crushes, but she has a huge crush on Viola Davis. She finds her absolutely gorgeous and a brilliant actress. After watching her in ‘The Woman King,’ Larissa wanted to have sex with her.

Lucifer: They are always interested in the corruption of a few different little mortals.

Phasma: Anyone of her old superiors. It’s all about the power play. Really wants to dominate them and make them submit to her sexually.

Miranda: Deanna Troi from Star Trek: The Next Generation. She has been Miranda’s crush since she was a teenager.

Do they prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

Brienne: She likes both after she has gotten over the initial insecurities. Prefers giving. Really wants to please her partner in any way she can.

Larissa: Receiving. Especially when it’s urgent oral sex with her dress pushed up around her hips.

Lucifer: Giving. They love the power of (consensually) holding their partner down and making them come until they are overstimulated.

Phasma: Giving. Loves to draw it out. Sometimes she only does it for her own pleasure. If her partner gets an orgasm or not, doesn’t matter to her. She can lick, suck, and kiss for hours until she is satisfied. Leaving her partner either extremely overstimulated or orgasm denied.

Miranda: Early in life she would have said giving as she didn’t gain much pleasure from receiving. When she was finally with partners who knew how to give head properly, Miranda absolutely loves receiving oral sex.

Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to them during sex?

Brienne: Either being so anxious that she is not able to cum, or that she is so pent-up that she cums almost instantly. The most embarrassing thing to her was the first time she took her clothes off.

Larissa: Most definitely when she was caught having sex in the showers of the girl’s locker rooms after gym when she was in high school. François was sworn to secrecy afterwards to never tell a soul what she saw Larissa and Morticia doing.

Lucifer: They have never been embarrassed a day in their life.

Phasma: She doesn’t know embarrassment.

Miranda: Definitely her first time with Adrian. It was extremely clumsy from the beginning, not to mention that she had to bring herself to orgasm because he struggled too much with the task. Much of the embarrassment she feels around this experience is second-hand embarrassment. She regrets this affair immensely.

A song they’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

Brienne: She doesn’t have hard or rough sex. And she doesn’t listen to music during sex. She wants to hear her partner’s affirming and assuring noises. She just wants to hear their noises.

Larissa: She doesn’t really have one, but if her partner did, she would be happy to play it.

Lucifer: No music. They want to hear the sex that’s happening.

Phasma: No music. The music is the recipient's noises. Whatever they end up being.

Miranda: Pick one? She has a whole playlist if her partner wants.

A song they’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

Brienne: No music. Unless her partner wants it. But she really only wants to hear their noises. Would accept music to drown out her noises if she’s unable to stay quiet.

Larissa: She doesn’t really have one, but if her partner did, she would be happy to play it.

Lucifer: They might have some type of sexy instrumentals.

Phasma: No music here.

Miranda: I See Red by Everyone Loves An Outlaw (Slowed) specifically, but she has a whole playlist. Ask her about it.

Are they into dressing up for sex?

Brienne: She’ll try it once if her partner really wants her to, but will end up not doing it again.

Larissa: She is happy to wear her lingerie for her partner, but she isn’t particularly interested in dressing up for role-play.

Lucifer: They might consider wearing something other than their robes at their partner’s asking, otherwise no.

Phasma: No.

Miranda: She is willing to try most things once. When she was young, she used to write fanfiction and do a lot of roleplaying, so she is comfortable with the idea of dressing up for role-play scenarios.

Would they prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

Brienne: Bath. It’s so much more intimate, soft, and romantic.

Larissa: BATH. God, Larissa loves bathtub sex.

Lucifer: Bathtub sex in a grand clawfoot tub.

Phasma: Filthy shower sex.

Miranda: Shower sex purely because she thinks it is so hot to have the water running over her and her partner.

Do they/would they use sex toys?

Brienne: Uses the strap for her partner when they want her to.

Larissa: Definitely. She loves receiving the strap and has a vibrator for lonely nights.

Lucifer: They would use them with a partner if their partner desired.

Phasma: Yes. She has an… extensive collection.

Miranda: Oh, 100%! Miranda has a few different options in her nightstand. Vibrators and a couple of dildo options.

#gwendoline christie #captain phasma #brienne of tarth #miranda hilmarson #phasma #lucifer morningstar the sandman #larissa weems #lucifer morningstar (the sandman)#gwen christie

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wonderofasunrise · 11 months

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...or at least I think I do.

Anyway, something tells me that it'd be neat to have a well-organised pinned post, so here goes.

I go by M around this place, and I've been back here since 2020 after almost a decade of absence from this hellsite. I'm a 28-year-old queer woman from Indonesia, and I spend around 30% of my fandom life writing fic, 5% being a connoisseur of...less-than-stellar and often obscure movies starring hot actresses that I like (Jeri Ryan, Gates McFadden, Denise Crosby, Laura Innes, Sherry Stringfield, Maura Tierney to name a few...), and the remaining 65% lamenting the fact that I'm a fandom participant from a non-Western country where English is not an official language which is...well, let's say it can be quite a lonely existence.

My two primary fandoms here are ER and Star Trek (The Next Generation, Voyager, Picard), so you'll find that most of my posts and reblogs are related to those two - with a dash of other stuff. I got into ER during lockdown in 2020, and it remains one of the best decisions I've ever made. It is my favourite show ever, and as of now Kerry Weaver is still the only queer character on TV that I can relate to fully as a struggling queer woman in a less-than-supportive environment. ER was also my entry to online fandom spaces, particularly Twitter and Tumblr. Star Trek is the one fandom I never expected to really get into, given that I was never too big on sci-fi, though according to my mum it runs in the family since my late grandfather loved The Original Series and was an admirer of Spock. So far I have watched TNG, VOY, and PIC, with VOY being my favourite - especially my beloved former Borg drone and half-Klingon.

As I said, fanfiction is my thing here and I've been into it since I was around 14 - though I didn't start writing seriously until I was an adult. Among other things, fic helped me learn English tremendously as a teenager, and though naturally I still make mistakes here and there I feel far more confident writing fic in English than in Indonesian, lol. So far I have 29 published works on AO3, all ER and Trek. My favourite characters, and thus the ones I write the most about, are Kerry Weaver, Susan Lewis, Abby Lockhart, and Carol Hathaway (ER); Tasha Yar, Data, Beverly Crusher, and Deanna Troi (TNG); and Kathryn Janeway, B'Elanna Torres, and Seven of Nine (VOY). My preferred ships are Kerry/Susan, Kerry/Abby, and Abby/Susan (ER); Picard/Crusher and Data/Tasha (TNG); and B'Elanna/Seven (VOY).

These are some of my personal favourites that I've written:

ER The Ache for Home (Kerry/Susan) When All We Have is Here and Now (Kerry/Susan) In a Sacred Place (Kerry/Susan) Like Nothing Before (Abby/Susan)

Star Trek In Salvo (TNG x VOY crossover; Seven, the Doctor, & Beverly) The Colours Are Bright (VOY; Janeway & Seven) One Hundred Hours (VOY; B'Elanna & Seven)

For more of those, here's my AO3 profile - do feel free to leave a comment if you enjoy any of my works! I also take prompts for the aforementioned fandoms, and if you have any please hit me up here. In case you somehow happen to enjoy my vibes, I'm also on Twitter as @lobsterbreaker and my ask here is (almost) always open. In addition, I'm a mod on two queer-focused Discord servers: que[ER] Fic and Fandom for all things ER fanfiction and fandom with a twist of gayness and Space MILFs for our favourite hot ladies in space - please let me know if you're interested in joining either (or both 👀)!

That's about it, really, so if you've been so kind to bear with me here you fucking rock, I love you, I wish you the best yadda yadda yadda, and here's to more medical and space shenanigans!

#about me #pinned post

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purlturtle · 9 months

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Going through my drafts and found this ask list, posted by @dduane - I really like it, so I'm going to go for it. Here are the asks themselves; my replies I'll put under a readmore so as not to clutter your dashes.

what’s the last song that got stuck in your head? (for inclusiveness to any deaf people, which I apologize for not being skilled at: what’s the last creative thing you couldn’t look away from/kept coming back to?)

name a fictional character you identify with. why?

if you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do with your life?

explain any philosophical ~epiphany you’ve ever had.

talk about a band/tv show/movie/book/fandom you love. why?

what gets you high? (chemical or not, as you wish)

would you rather die in a day or live forever? why?

if you could create an ideal nation/political system, what would it be like?

what’s your favorite story (in any form - book, tv, fanfic, storytelling, comics, song, anything)?

if you have any tattoos, and/or if you were to get any tattoos, what are they?

if you could go forward/back in time to any year, when would you go to and what would you do? (you have the option to come back.)

If anyone wants to do these, feel free!

1 - what’s the last song that got stuck in your head? (for inclusiveness to any deaf people, which I apologize for not being skilled at: what’s the last creative thing you couldn’t look away from/kept coming back to?)

"Do you wanna be an agent", because I just reblogged that. :D In fact the moment I hear a song, or see song lyrics I recognize, chances are near-certain that it'll become my earworm that instant.

2 - name a fictional character you identify with. why?

Deanna Troi, ever since I first saw her. I couldn't quite find the words for why, as a kid when I first watched TNG, but these days I know - it's her warmth, her emotionality, the way she can sense others' emotions (not just in a detached/observational way but in that she feels them as well). The way that that makes life among people who are unaware of that quite hard, and sometimes very lonely. The way that in order to function, she has to erect conscious barriers against not being flooded by other people's emotions. The way that because of all that, she is the first to strive to understand and empathize with even the worst of opponents (Armus). The way that none of that makes her weak, or a liability in the eyes of her crewmates and friends - on the contrary, they see her and her abilities as something to be cherished, something helpful, and something that is simply part of her. Also, she has a quote that I internalized as a teen, which has helped me accept myself and love myself just the way I am, and that in turn has helped me through so much in my life:

I'll never be longely, because I'll always have myself.

3 - if you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do with your life?

Enjoy myself to the fullest. That includes taking in stories (reading, watching, listening) and putting out stories (writing). That includes good food, and the company of good people (online and IRL both). That includes a home that I love and feel at ease in. That includes visiting places I have always wanted to see, and re-visiting places that I liked seeing when I visited them before.

4 - explain any philosophical ~epiphany you’ve ever had.

Radical acceptance is a stance that changed my life. For me, that means that I accept what my self asks of me - a day of quiet? Sure, let's have a day of quiet. Chocolate for breakfast because I had a shitty night, sure, let's do that. I feel like shit right now and need to be angry and rail at the world? Yep, roger that, get it out of the system, and then let's do something good to come back to a balanced state of mind.

It also applies to other people in my life. Someone had a bad time and hasn't been able to continue our conversation, so I haven't heard from them in months, even years? And now they're back to say hi? Fuck yeah my friend, I'm glad you're feeling better now. Someone tells me they need to cancel plans we had because they're not feeling good? Thank you for letting me know, of course we'll cancel; I hope you'll feel better soon - and please let me know if I can do anything. I will take what you tell me at face value and in good faith. I will accept you, as you are, because that is how I want to treat people (including myself).

And it applies to life. Granted, that's the hardest: some things aren't easy to accept. And it doesn't mean taking things lying down - accepting doesn't mean liking; accepting just means "this is the way this thing is. I might not like it, but there's no use denying that this is the way this thing is. Now, can I change it?" I'm working on accepting that I am functionally/socially disabled now. There are a ton of things that are impossible for me to do right now, and I have no idea if I'll ever be able to do them again. Denying that, OR railing against that, is futile and counterproductive; it'll only deplete my energy to work out how to live with it. (like I said: not easy.)

5 - talk about a band/tv show/movie/book/fandom you love. why?

I love the Bering and Wells fandom and the friends I made in it. We're a bunch of whackos still talking over a show that stopped airing almost ten years ago; we still write, draw, make gifsets and other kinds of art, for these two goobers that we've all fallen in love with. It's a small fandom, at this point (it never really was huge to begin with), and quite the welcoming place.

6 - what gets you high? (chemical or not, as you wish)

Feels. As outlined in my reply about Deanna Troi above, I can easily feel what someone else is feeling. In the ideal moment, this creates such a positive feedback loop that I'm on top of the world. Even outside that feedback loop with others, I can call up any feeling within myself like someone putting a song on their internal jukebox - "oh, what shall we feel right now: love? Sure, a classic, let's go for it." And just like that, I feel love - for a person, for a place, for a song, for the whole world. And that's a pretty big fucking high, that is.

7 - would you rather die in a day or live forever? why?

Live forever. I'm so curious where we'll go, as a society. (I'm also often disillusioned and salty and unspeakably angry, but that hasn't diminished my lust for life yet.) If it's a choice between only these two options? Live forever.

8 - if you could create an ideal nation/political system, what would it be like?

I actually don't mind the one I'm living in - capitalism, but (hear me out, please, I'm not talking about the US/UK system, which is fucked) with checks and balances: social market economy. Sure, it could be better than what we're currently doing with it. UBI would be my first big change, and a big shift towards the left with regards to taxes and what they'll finance, and corporations and what they'll no longer be allowed etc etc. But yeah, we're not doing so badly over here.

9 - what’s your favorite story (in any form - book, tv, fanfic, storytelling, comics, song, anything)?

For people (the protagonist for sure, but others in the narrative as well) to find love. Be that romantic love, a found family kind of scenario (and if that merges with biological/legal family situations, i.e. someone in that group marrying or having a kid, sure, the more the merrier no matter what family bonds there are), friendship/platonic love, mentoring, etc. etc. The predominant emotion of my childhood and teenage years was a profound sense of loneliness, and I'm a sucker for stories in which people find a place where they aren't lonely anymore.

10 - if you have any tattoos, and/or if you were to get any tattoos, what are they?

I still want to get a tattoo that symbolizes my writing and Bering and Wells, and I also want to get one to remind myself that being highly sensitive is something to accept about myself and take pride in, even if it's hard to bear sometimes. Not sure yet what to do about the latter; I'm thinking of a flower or plant that is difficult to cultivate (needs the exact right conditions to thrive) but is also very beautiful if you can get it to thrive.

11 - if you could go forward/back in time to any year, when would you go to and what would you do? (you have the option to come back.)

Might go back and tell myself to actually take the step to break up with the people I stayed with out of a desire to make it work, until *they* broke up with me in turn? Then again, might go back even further and try to prevent Reagan and Thatcher from being elected? Then again, might go back EVEN further and have a dinner date with Katharine Hepburn, or Sappho herself.

Not going forward because, remember, I'm living forever anyway. I'll get there in time. The long way around.

#she speaks #a lot #my rambles

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coping-via-clint-eastwood · 2 years

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I posted 8,763 times in 2021

735 posts created (8%)

8028 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 10.9 posts.

I added 6,809 tags in 2021

#rdr2 - 1142 posts

#red dead redemption 2 - 1073 posts

#arthur morgan - 976 posts

#csi - 709 posts

#gil grissom - 627 posts

#william petersen - 604 posts

#sara sidle - 451 posts

#gsr - 428 posts

#jorja fox - 415 posts

#songs of war - 384 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#dis 4 any version or just vanilla minecraft?cos my fav mob of all is the mutant enderman from the orespawn mod.for vanilla it's the enderman

My Top Posts in 2021

I really like how in the openings titles of CSI Vegas, the characters' specialties are shown before each character 😄

Maxine Roby - DNA collection and analysis

Josh Folsom - spatter analysis

Allie Rajan - ballistics

Hugo Ramirez - autopsy

Sara Sidle - material and fibre analysis

Gil Grissom - entomology

76 notes • Posted 2021-11-28 09:02:14 GMT

Ships I have where the actors ship them harder than anyone else:

GSR - Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle from CSI, played by William Petersen and Jorja Fox

Riker-Troi/Imzadi - Will Riker and Deanna Troi from Star Trek: The Next Generation, played by Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis

The ships work and are believable to the audience because the people portraying these characters believe in their relationship. It's lovely.

81 notes • Posted 2021-08-24 17:34:53 GMT

Touch Me, Trust Me [Touch-Starved] - POTOber Prompt, Erik Destler (Gerard Butler) x Reader

(A/N: This is a story I'm submitting for day 6 of POTOber on Tumblr, hosted by @coatntails . The prompt is Touch Me, Trust Me, and the assisting suggestions are Touch Starved/Hunger/Lust. Linked below is the prompt list.)

You walked down the winding staircase to the catacombs of the Opera House, making your way to your daily meeting with your boyfriend, Erik. From just a quarter of the way down the stairs, you could hear his aggressive organ music; he must have been very angry. Concerned, you kept on walking, unafraid of approaching him because you knew that despite how...conspicuously Erik's rage always manifested, he would never, ever lay a hand on those he loved. You completed the journey in due time. You walked up beside Erik to see if he would acknowledge you; he did not. He never stopped playing, and did not so much as glance at you. But he did not growl at you to leave either, which meant you were welcome in his space. He also played his keys softer; though they never faltered in intensity, the overall volume was lessened. You smiled at his consideration of your ears.

After a little longer, you put a hand on his back. As if a switch had been flipped, his fingers froze and his body jerked up slightly, which you felt. You could feel that his back was tensed up, and from the looks of his shoulders, they were as well, because he was expectant of you to give explanation for your action. Slowly, he turned his head to look at you at last, confusion in his eyes. You offered him a small but affectionate smile. "What's the matter?" you asked softly, in case any indelicacy on your part would make him uncomfortable.

You saw his eyebrows begin to frown sadly before he looked away from you, hanging his head and tilting it to the side. "It's nothing..." His voice was even softer than yours, because it was hesitant and sad.

You let out a huff through your nose - never in a million years would you believe that. Without a warning, you stepped towards him, murmured a, "Come here," and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into you until he was turned to you and your fronts were pressed against each other. You had both arms around his waist and were pressing the side of your head into his chest, your eyes open because it was your turn to anticipate his reaction. For a few moments, he froze up again, his arms out to the side, forearms towards his front.

Gradually, jaggedly, his arms lowered, and they were placed around you tentatively as he got a feel for his emotional response to your embrace. As he became more sure of what he wanted, he gently pulled you, still embracing you, to his sofa. Briefly, very briefly, he let go so that he could sit down and pulled you onto his lap. Immediately, his arms made their way to your back and upwards so that he could grip your shoulders from behind, and you had your arms around his upper back, one hand rubbing up and down his back. He buried his face in the top of your shoulder, rubbing his face against it until his mask loosened and fell off his face, dropping to the floor with a slight clatter. With his mask off, he comfortably pushed his face into your shoulder. His fingers were digging into your skin and burned a little, but that was alright; he was desperate for your touch, for your comfort. You had hugged and kissed him many times before, but no matter how much physical affection you gave him, he still absorbed it like a starving man everytime you touched him - and you always understood why, always happily held him, and never rejected him.

When you felt tears soak through your shirt, you turned your head and kissed the side of his. "It's okay..." you whispered, sliding your hand up into his hair and rubbing his head, your other hand rubbing his back, neither of you caring that you pushed the wig off.

He merely gripped you tightly and cried into your shoulder, needing you. You heard soft, miserable whimpers...poor Erik. He removed one of his hands and took the arm of yours whose hand was on his back. He guided it underneath his jacket, so that you rubbed him through his shirt. As he was about to reach for your other arm, you moved your hand yourself. However, you heard him murmur, "Under my shirt..."

You did as he requested; you untucked his shirt from his trousers and put your hands on the skin of his lower back; he let out such a loud relieved sigh, and you even felt his body relaxing. Aside from his skin, you could feel the multitude of scars and old wounds he had on his back, the extent and positions of which you had memorised from the many times you had seen and traced them. While you slid one of your hands further up his back, the fingers of the other began to trace his scars. With each progression of movement your hand and fingers made he tensed and immediately relaxed, sighing shakily everytime. You closed your eyes and kissed his head again. "You want more?" you whispered. He knew what you meant; he had you do it a lot of the times he was in a bad mental space and needed you to soothe him. So you both stood up, and walked to his bed (the proper one). As Erik walked, he took off his shirt and jacket, not caring that they dropped onto the floor, and then he let himself fall face down onto his bed. You sat down beside him and picked up where you left off with tracing his scars, with both hands this time. He let out a loud groan, mixed with relief and frustration. But he was not crying anymore, which meant that he was feeling a bit better. You kept doing it, moving to kiss along his scars as well, following the movements of one of your hands. You made sure that he felt comforted and knew that he was loved.

After a while, you noticed that Erik was no longer responding to the stimuli. Instead, his back rose and fell steadily with his slow breaths. You checked his face, and saw that he was asleep. You smiled fondly; his emotions must have taken a lot out of him. You lay down beside him. In his sleep, he scooted over to you and curled into your side. You gladly held him, being gentle so as not to wake him up. Though you did not fall asleep yourself, you closed your eyes and rested, appreciating the silence, peace, and most of all, the presence and company of the man beside you.

106 notes • Posted 2021-10-07 04:06:02 GMT

(This is just to try and pacify my intense simping a little bit)

Y/n: You know that feeling when your heart skips a beat?

Arthur: That's called arrhythmia.

Y/n: I get that feeling everytime I see y-

Arthur: You could die from it.

121 notes • Posted 2021-04-23 03:17:56 GMT

Tag game

Tagged by @frostysfrenzy

Rules: Tag nine people you want to know better and answer the questions

Three ships: Okay well these are from the shows that are coming back so - GSR (Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle) from CSI; 00Vesper (James Bond and Vesper Lynd) from James Bond; Mike Banning x Leah Banning from the Fallen series

Last song: Lots of Fun by TryHardNinja

Last movie: I think it was Angel has Fallen?

Currently watching: CSI

Currently reading: The Silmarillion

Currently craving: Peace of mind...

Tag 9 people: @leftperfectionmoon @hlabounty96 @chickadee-djarin @forauldlangsynee @bishops-severed-torso @davesdude80 @rodrigo-di-posa @mcliancraft @arthurmahgoodboah (nobody has to do it if they don't want to)

280 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 09:13:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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notdeannatroi · 3 years

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@inuendo-outuendo tagged me in this post and i’m gonna repost it because the enormous string of reblogs freaked me out lol. thanks for the tag! <3

name/nickname: lieke

gender: female

star sign: scorpio

height: 5’5 / 1.68

time: 8:45 pm

birthday: november 6th

favorite bands: fleetwood mac, abba, a bunch of other old stuff

favorite solo artists: ... brain empty, literally can’t come up with any

song stuck in my head: cher - walking in memphis (alternating with fleetwood mac - dreams)

last show: the l word

last movie: playing by heart

when did i create this blog: a little over 9 years ago

what do i post: chaos. currently mostly the x files & gillian anderson related, some star trek in between, sometimes just things that i find pretty (both visual & verbal), poetry.

last thing googled: frau antje

other blogs: N/A

do i get asks: never really (sadly)

why i chose my url: due to some similarities in both physique and character, the beverly/deanna discord server speculated that i might actually be deanna troi, so i thought i’d clear that confusion up

following: 359

followers: 140

average hours of sleep: somewhere around 7-8, i get angry if it’s less

lucky number: never thought about that but i like 23

instruments: i know how to play a guitar but i don’t do it often and i’m not good at it. i also know three songs on piano (but who doesn’t?)

what am i wearing: a black sweater dress ish situation with a long burgundy cardigan and burgundy yoga pants (because i now realise that i didn’t change into tights after doing yoga like seven hours ago). not my finest fashion i’ll be honest

dream trip: at the moment anywhere really. realistic bucket list includes heidelberg, rome (again but shhh), sicily, prague, croatia. long term bucket list usa and south africa. none of them are really a Dream Trip (tm) though

favorite food: chocolate. but also pizza and cheese soufflés

nationality: dutch

favorite song: ONE??? i couldn’t. i once listened to close to me by the cure on repeat for weeks (once even 187 times in one day) and it’s still one of my favourites, does that count? also ozean by annenmaykantereit. but i have too many favourite songs to pick one

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: i have never thought about this before. no clue. sorry. but if i lived in the x files i’d hook up with dana scully.

tagging @scaredandbored, @ladygreytea9, @patron-saints, @youvearrived, @genius2mania if you want <3

#ask #personal #actually after answering all these the last thing i googled was '168 cm in feet' because i always forget

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moscarific · 4 years

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Dear Purim Gifts Creator

Dear Followers, this is a half-finished letter but I wanted to turn in my sign-up form. I’ll reblog when it’s all done on the extreme off-chance that anyone cares.

Hi! And thank you!

I have never done this exchange before, but in a flurry of what might be terrible decisions (and a significant Yuletide hangover) I am going for it. Despite being new to this particular shindig, I am a certified Fandom Grandparent at this point. I will be grateful and excited for whatever you create for me, and I will love that we have shared fandoms that we connect on. Most of my favorite gift fanworks have been the gifts I didn’t expect to receive and couldn’t have come up with myself. Basically, give me gifts that you enjoyed creating (and avoid my DNWs) and I will be thrilled.

Let’s get the DNWs out of the way first.

No pregnancy, no childbirth, no babies or little kids - this is very nearly a bulletproof squick.

Please don’t center my gifts around romantic/sexual pairings that I didn’t explicitly request. Crossovers are the exception - go wild with the crack pairings if you cross over two or more of my fandoms.

For fic, no AUs that change the setting or time period of canon (e.g. no Star Trek coffeeshop AUs, no Schitt’s Creek in space), although this is fine for graphics.

Please do not depict canonically cis male characters as trans women. I am here for your nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid/agender headcanons, though.

Please do not depict characters as Jewish unless they are Jewish canonically (or gray-canonically; see individual character prompts below). Writing non-Jewish characters participating in Jewish traditions or rituals alongside Jewish characters is great, though!

Please don’t create crossovers with fandoms I didn’t request. In other words, bring me all of your West Wing/X-Men/B99 shenanigans, but don’t throw She-Ra or Spider-man in there.

I like many more things than I dislike!

This is intended as an off-the-wall exchange, so be as goofy as you like. Bring on your most ridiculous tropes (tentacles! sex pollen! fake dating! Q made them do it!) and feel free to cross over any and all of my requested fandoms.

I do not require porn, but I do enjoy it: oral sex, eroticized hands, drag/gender play, shower sex, public/outdoor sex.

I am Jewish and will be really excited about gifts that explore Jewish themes in a thoughtful and creative way.

I am queer, a lot of the characters I’m requesting are queer, and I will be really excited about gifts that explore how queerness intersects with Judaism and/or female identity.

Please be nerdy about contemporary American and/or world politics, if that appeals to you.

Most of the fandoms I’m requesting have strong themes of found family/logical family, and I will enjoy gifts that explore those themes.

Individual fandoms and character requests!

I am equally excited to receive gifts in any of the fandoms I’ve requested! For each one, I’ll list characters, the criteria under which they fit in with the spirit of Purim Gifts (woman, Jewish, and/or persecuted by an evil vizier), and a brief description of why I want to receive gifts about them. If all my gifts are about one character in one fandom, that’s great; if each gift is about a different person in a different fandom, that’s also great. Create what you know and go with what inspires you.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa Diaz (woman) - I love that Rosa has a tough exterior but is warm and cuddly inside. She’s the most fun when she’s letting her guard down a little. I don’t ship her with anyone in particular, although I would not be opposed to an Adrian Pimento reunion or a crossover romance with Stevie Budd. I love her friendships with Jake and with Amy.

Amy Santiago (woman) - I enjoy Amy’s fussiness and anal-retentiveness, especially when it’s played for laughs, but my favorite Amy is drunk Amy. She and Jake are clearly meant to be, although I don’t really want to read porn of them. I enjoy her friendships with Rosa and with Holt.

Crooked Media RPF

Jon Lovett (Jewish) - I would love to receive gifts that explore and celebrate Lovett’s Jewishness. How does his background inform his political and/or moral views? How is his Jewishness figuring into his upcoming wedding? That wedding can stick to canon/real life and be Lovett/Ronan, or give me Lovett/Favreau or Lovett/Tommy or Lovett/Favreau/Tommy.

Schitt’s Creek

Stevie Budd (woman) - Stevie is hilariously deadpan and aloof to hide the fact that she’s a marshmallow who finds most people endearing, especially the Roses. I love her friendships with both David and Johnny, and I’d enjoy seeing her learn about Judaism through them. I also feel like there’s unfinished Stevie/David business and a great deal of room for a Stevie/Rosa Diaz crossover. Or tell me about her relationship with the aunt she inherited the motel from.

Alexis Rose (woman, Jewish, persecuted by evil vizier) - You have a chance at the Purim Gifts trifecta on this one, since Alexis’s misadventures in Saudi Arabia suggest she might have actually been persecuted by an evil vizier at some point. I love Alexis’s moments of stealthy competence - she’s a pretty good receptionist and great at foiling shoplifters - her warm relationship with David, and the way her relationship with Moira develops throughout the show. She and Ted belong together, but I also lowkey ship her with Twyla.

David Rose (Jewish) - There are zero things I don’t love about David, so it is hard to reduce my feelings to a few sentences. His romance with Patrick is one of the sweetest things I have seen on television, and I also feel like he has unfinished romantic business with Stevie. I am also very much auditioning crossover fic with Bobby Drake here. His relationships with all of his family members are distinct and interesting, and would be a good avenue into exploring his Jewish identity.

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Deanna Troi (woman) - One of my main takeaways from recent rewatch activities is that Counselor Troi is secretly a badass, and Marina Sirtis’s extraordinary acting skills got swallowed up too often by poor writing. Bring me stories about Troi smacking down oppression with her skills and ingenuity! I have a little headcanon about her getting recruited by Section 31 post-series. Troi/Riker, Troi/Worf, or Troi/femslash of your choice would all please me.

Worf (Jewish) - Worf’s adoptive human parents, the Rozhenkos, are coded Jewish. Did Worf convert at some point in his childhood? Did he become a Bar Mitzvah? What Jewish traditions or rituals are still meaningful to him? How does his Jewish upbringing intersect with his Klingon identity? I ship Worf/Dax a lot, Worf/Troi is also great, and I would enjoy seeing his non-romantic relationships with Martok, Data, or Odo explored.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Worf (Jewish) - see ST:TNG above.

Jadzia Dax (woman) - Well, close enough to being a woman to count for the purposes of this challenge, although she’s solidly in the genderqueer space no matter how you interpret it. Which is one of the things I’d love to see explored. She’s also an eight-layer jawbreaker of coping mechanisms and habits, and it’s always interesting when those break down or get challenged. How does she respond to finding out about Worf’s Jewish background, and how do they celebrate that together? I’m a little bored with Jadzia/Lenara and have no time for Jadzia/Bashir but would enjoy Jadzia/Kira or Jadzia/Leeta, as well as her friendships with Ben Sisko or Odo.

The West Wing

Toby Ziegler (Jewish) - I love how the show explores Toby’s Judaism, and especially how it shapes his ethics. Solve one of the show’s biggest problems by explaining how Toby’s Jewish ethics led him to leak the information about the military spacecraft! Explore Toby’s process as a writer! Do something fun with him and CJ, either romantically or as friends!

X-Men Comics

[coming soon]

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girlintheimpala · 7 years

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Musings on being “Too Much”and yet Not Enough

Hold on to your hats kiddos. Things are about to get real personal; and not just about me

A lot of things have been weighing on my mind recently. Although I shouldn’t say recently, because it’s been more like years.

There are a lot of things I don’t tell people. I don’t tell people things for a myriad of reasons whether it’s my claim that I “don’t want it to define me”, or “I don’t want to be a burden”, or “I don’t want people to think that I’m ‘handicapped’ or give me special treatment or think I’m making excuses or think that I’m making it up”. But here’s the truth: sometimes I need help and I need people to understand and I think, in part, that’s why I’ve finally decided to write this down.

Hi, I’m Kaitlin. I like a lot of things; so many beautiful things like art, and the stars, sunflowers, history, fantasy, books, films, thunderstorms... I love people and I would do anything to help them even if it means giving a part of myself away. My favorite color is periwinkle. I drink Earl Grey Tea because I used to watch Star Trek: Enterprise with my dad and Captain Picard drank Earl Grey tea. I’ve always wanted red hair.

These are the things that I sometimes tell people.

Here are the things I don’t:

I’m asexual. I was emotionally and physically abused most of my adolescent life in several different households by people I loved. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic pain, and chronic fatigue when I was 11. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder when I was 11. I’ve been on and off heavy doses of medications for 12 years. I have disordered eating habits. I am unable to eat without stomach pain and dizziness. I get migraines. When I was 16 I tried to kill myself and I was put in a mental institution. I’ve been a self-harmer-my entire life. And I mean that very seriously. When I was as young as 7 I remember beating my head against the wall, scratching my arms and face when I was upset. In middles school I discovered cutting and I’ve tried to stop, but it’s like smoking. It’s a compulsion.

I’m an extremely sensitive person. I’m an extrovert and I derive most of my energy from the people around me. Which is dangerous for me. People are like a drug to me. When I’m out and people are having a good time it’s like I get high. My energy hits the roof—I don’t feel like myself. But when bad things happen, or someone is sad or angry or upset I can’t shake the malaise I get from that. I become emotionally depleted and even though it’s not my malaise I want to cry or scream. I’ve been called an HSP (highly sensitive person) or an empath but I don’t really know. What I can say is that I feel emotions really deeply. I can sense when someone’s not doing well or when they’re bursting at the seams in joy. In college I asked my French professor if she was OK, because something didn’t seem right to me and she looked at me like I was crazy, then confided she had been sexually assaulted the night before.

My dad, in a surprisingly insightful moment, once told me he thought I was like Deanna Troi from Star Trek. Deanna was half-human half-betazoid (an alien race that was psychic), but because she was half human she wasn’t fully psychic. She could sense people’s emotions, though and acted as the ship’s counselor. He said I felt too much from other people and over the years I have tried to discern my own emotions from others.

All my life I’ve been called too much. Too hyper. Too emotional. Too passionate. Too open. Too…intense. In high school I was saying I was upset that some person didn’t seem to like me and if I had done anything to upset them. One of the girls just said, “Kaitlin, you’re just a lot to handle.”

In college I was ostracized by the girls in my program because I wasn’t like them. I was shy. I didn’t like to go out. But I wanted so badly to be their friend. I was intimidated. In class we were asked to describe ourselves in one word. The word I came up with was “passionate”. A girl from my program raised her shoulders, smiling, and as she let them fall said in complete rapture, “Indescribable.” I remember one time another of the “gaggle”, as some upperclassmen had named them, seemed sick and I asked her if she was ok, if she was hungover, if she needed some Advil. She told me to fuck off.

I started making friends with the upperclassmen and was called back for both of the shows as a freshmen; suddenly they began fawning over me. But that wasn’t the end of the backhanded comments or generally feeling like I wasn’t enough for anyone. One incident that really upset me, and this is so stupid, had to do with pride and prejudice. They were all talking about the novel and I wanted to be a part of the conversation so I chimed in saying how much I loved Mr. Bingley and I thought he was so much better than Darcy. They stopped, mid conversation, and laughed. They told me I wasn’t allowed to like Mr. Bingley because I wasn’t like Jane. I was like Elizabeth and I would have to find a Mr. Darcy. I told them I didn’t want to. But what really hurt me is that even though I was the one who listened to their every complaint and offered comfort when they were upset, they were basically telling me that I would never be like Jane Bennet. I would never be soft or kind or feminine or delicate. I was only ever going to be nasty and prideful and sarcastic like Lizzy. That’s not what I ever wanted.

I don’t want to be anything other than myself. And I am complicated, as all people are. But why is it that I could never play princess?

I had a lot of bad experiences in college, many that made me stop and wonder whether or not I had inadvertently chosen to go to a very expensive high school. I was sexually assaulted by people I trusted. I was cast out by friends because of who I chose to date. Someone who called me their “best friend” slept with a boy I had been involved with. She didn’t actually “sleep with him”. She sexually assaulted him, and this wasn’t the first time she had waited for a guy to get very drunk before having sex with him while she was sober. Everyone used to joke about it, but it upset me because it was rape. Nobody takes it seriously because boys must “always want it”. People were generally nasty. And in a world so beautiful I couldn’t understand, and I still don’t, why people had to be so cruel.

So, my senior year I stopped talking to some people. It started with the two people who had sexually assaulted me and the one who had watched. I then went on to block out the girl who broke my heart by sleeping with my first kiss, knowing I still had feelings for him (she never told me I had to hear it from another person and then him). And I did this because it was too hard for me. Seeing them—it was like someone had grabbed my heart and started squeezing it. I realized it wasn’t good for me to be around these people.

But I started losing friends after college because I didn’t want to go to the same parties that these people were going to. Even if I had already chosen to forgive them. And even if they were hosted by friends I missed and cared about. I wouldn’t go. I couldn’t. It was triggering. My actual friends stopped inviting me.

This year I cut once person out and it was very hard because I live with him. Every time I see him I get the same feeling— just a twisted heart. Because I don’t want to see or talk to a person who has hurt my friend. I don’t want to speak to someone who cheats. I was furious. Because he, who openly talked about cheating on his past girlfriends, reblogs stuff on tumblr saying how terrible it is to cheat. And how much it destroys someone. Are you fucking kidding me? And yes, I was furious when I found out he cheated on my friend because she deserves so much more. And it wasn’t just once. And when you he came home he invited girls over, while still fucking around with her feelings. And that just won’t slide, buddy.

And that one choice to cut that person out of my life lost me most of the rest of my friends.

And I guess what bugs me so damn much about these people from college is they feel they’ve done no wrong. That they can post about being “empaths” and understanding and feeling other people’s emotions when they have proven time after time to be completely oblivious. Being empathetic doesn’t mean crying when you see a moving video on face book. They knew me for four years and used to say, “Kaitlin hates everything.” But they never once asked if the reason I made jokes, or acted negatively was because I was hurting. I was there, right in front of them and these empathetic, emotionally connected girls never once felt: she’s in pain.

And there’s one last thing I want to talk about. Not Being Enough.

In college my professors would tell me I wasn’t pretty enough or that I was too fat.

And even after I graduated I was continually told by people I looked up to that I was “bigger”. Or they told me I needed to be myself and have more confidence. I’ve never been a confident person. The only times I ever had confidence was when I was screaming at boys twice my size to leave someone alone, or trying to get them to confess to throwing homophobic slurs at two girls in study hall. I was quiet until I saw injustice. But then I was “being too much”.

Since the time I was 10 years old I’ve viewed myself as fat. We had just gotten back from vacation and I was looking at a picture of myself. I was smiling so widely but I was wearing a bikini and my stomach was sticking out, so I brought it to my dad and cried for hours about how I was too fat.

How can I have confidence when I have so much else I need to learn and deal with? How can I believe in myself after years of being put down and abused? How can I believe in myself when in the same breathe you just told me “you’re too big”?

How can I be myself when it feels an awful lot like you’re saying “be less”, “be more pleasing”, “be more fake”. Because when I talk to people in Philadelphia theatre I don’t feel like I’m truly talking to them. I feel like I’m speaking to a grinning façade. I don’t want to be fake.

I want to be myself and that should be enough.

I am not perfect. I make huge, massive mistakes. I talk too much, take things too far. I have hurt people. I can be wrathful. I can be self-pitying. Morose. This post is not about blaming other people. And if it seems like I’m trying to absolve myself of the guilt I carry, or paint myself as a victim or saint, that was not my intent. It’s just another outlet for me.

So for those of you who have read all the way down to here this is the summary:

I’ve lost many friends because being around toxic people became too much for me to bear. I’m suicidal; my mental illness is not getting better—it’s getting worse. I’m lonely and hurt and confused.

But I choose to remain soft. I am pastels and ocean breeze and if I want to dress like a fairy princess I will because I am kind and brilliant and talented enough to deserve it. I will choose to forgive the people who hurt me; but remember you do not have to choose the same.

#tw: sucide mention #tw: self-injury #tw: abuse #personal

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