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#nico jero writes
vagabondfandoms · 29 days
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Falls On Me
Day 5- Goblin Camp: Morning
Rating: Teen/Mature 
Previous Chapters: Chapter One , Chapter Two , Chapter Three , Chapter Four , Chapter Five , Chapter Six , Chapter Seven ½ , Chapter Seven 2/2 , Chapter Eight ,
Characters: Gale Dekarios, F!Tav: Copper, Karlach Wyll Ravengard, Astarion, Lae'zel, Halsin and Shadowheart. Dror Ragzlin and unnamed goblins.
Tags/Warning: Gale POV, Mentions of Chronic Pain, Canon Typical Violence, Death, Descriptions of Having a Seizure, Gale x Female Tav. Approx: 2400 words
The fight with Dror Ragzlin is almost over. Gale tries to help his teammates with the last goblin commander. But finds himself in a dangerous situation with his orb. Is Gale going to blow up? And what about the reactions from his companions?
---
An Eldritch blast gets hurled at Gale's head and he barely makes it around the pillar before the bolt of energy smashes into it, causing small chunks of stone to fly all around him.
Astarion and Wyll are still positioned in the rafters and the young man shoots down his own Eldritch Blast at the warlock goblin, knocking the monster out before Astarion shoots a finishing arrow into the downed creature.
Gale yells out a quick thanks before taking off again. He ended up separated from the main fighting force when he, Halsin, and Lae'zel were pushed back by a large group of goblins. Halsin and Lae'zel are finishing off the last few goblins with Astarion and Wyll as support so Gale decides to help Copper and Karlach. 
The two women were facing down the last goblin commander, Dror Ragzlin, with Shadowheart assisting. The battle must be intense since Gale can feel the magical aura the hobgoblin is omitting from the other side of the hall.
Gale jumps over some dead bodies and feels the heavy weight of his orb in his chest. He must be overdoing it again but they are so close to victory!
Gale skids to a stop at the top of the stairs and looks down. Copper and Karlach were attacking Dror Ragzlin together and the hobgoblin commander is having a hard time defending against the continuous Ki strikes and swings from the battleax. 
Enraged, the hobgoblin berserker gives out a loud bellow. He swings, barely missing Copper before his warhammer strikes down with such force it shakes the foundation of the temple. 
The attack causes Karlach to become unbalanced but Copper keeps her footing and quickly dashes behind the battle commander, slipping her arms underneath his armpits and locking her hands behind his neck. This immobilizes his arms but the monk is still straining to hold him in place.
“Karlach! Get him!!” Copper yells out, struggling against his thrashing so she digs in her heels, grounding herself for more support. 
Karlach, still dazed from the enormous strike, shakes it off and rushes forward. The fiery tiefling aims for the largest target she can find and drives her axe deep into Dror Ragzlin’s chest, right into his heart. 
The Absolutist lets out a loud groan and it takes a couple of seconds for this body to go limp in Copper’s arms. Then Karlach rips out her axe and a large amount of blood, bone, and gore accompany the motion, splatting the floor before the other woman releases her grip, letting the body fall dead to the ground.
Exhilaration fills Gale’s body at the sight of the last goblin commander defeated and he finds himself starting to move down the stairs to congratulate his companions on their victory when Shadowheart gives out a warning shout. 
Arrows come whizzing down from the rafters striking Copper and Karlach while the last group of goblins comes charging at the two battlewary women. Gale catches a glimpse of Lae’zel and the others rushing towards them but they are too far away to do anything. Shadowheart sends out a Sacred Flame, lighting up the attacker hiding in the rafters but she soon gets overrun by the opponents on the ground.
The girls are outnumbered and need help now! Gale reacts quickly, reaching out his hand and gathering the Weave into his palm. He calls on Mystra and yells out the incantation for his strongest fire spell, “ARDЕ̄!” 
He feels the force leaving his body but he can’t just unleash the destruction or his companions will get caught up in the blast. Gale needs to control the fire and he uses all his skills to manipulate the flame. His hands ache from the strain his quick hand movements make in the air but he can't let up now! He has to burn all the enemies surrounding Copper, Karlach, and Shadowheart. 
The heat is intense and it reminds Gale of his archmage days. He watches as the last group of goblin attackers turn to ash and he smiles when the girls look up unscathed by his flames. 
Then his orb attacks.
A great pain rips through his body, making his limbs shudder and shake. Gale tries to grip his chest to soothe the hungry beast inside but it decides to attack again and Gale loses his balance from the pain.
“I am going to explode?” Gale thinks as he crashes headfirst down the stairs and starts seizing in a heap on the floor.
Gale barely registers his companions surrounding him. Copper reaches him first and starts cushioning him with her body so he stops banging his head on the cobblestone. 
Shadowheart looks helplessly on, shaking her head when Wyll asks her to do something. But she's unable to do anything. The cleric is all out of spells for the day, like the majority of the team, and none can heal like her.
Foam starts flowing out of his lips, mixing with the tears running down his cheeks. Between the haze, Gale just wants to tell them to run away before the explosion happens yet he feels helpless in the wake of this seizure.
“He needs a powerful magic item!” Copper yells into the chaos. “Like last time! Remember?!”
“The hag staff is back in camp! There's no way we can get it to him in time.” Wyll shouts back, pacing back and forth. Fighting the urge to run for the item even though their campsite is far away next to the deserted Jergal Temple.
Karlach is on the verge of tears and even Astarion and Lae'zel look downtrodden.
“He needs a powerful relic?” Halsin steps up, crouching down and applying a small minuscule healing spell to Gale's brow. The wizard stops seizing. Now he just feels wiped out with a ticking time bomb in his chest.
“Leave, please leave me!”  Gale wants to cry out but he's mute. His vocal cords felt like they were ripped apart by the pain of the orb.
“Yes! He needs to absorb the magic inside it.” Copper answers, her voice staying steady under the pressure, her grip firm not leaving Gale.
“Here, let me have him, Copper.” The druid commands. “I’ll take him to the grove. We have an Idol of Silvanus there, brimming with magical energy. That should do the trick!” 
Halsin lifts Gale into his strong arms as Copper hovers close by. “The Druid’s Grove is not far.”  The elf eyes Copper's heavily bleeding shoulder and frowns since she hasn’t even removed the arrow yet. “You can all get healed there. Nettie can patch you guys up quick.”
“Then, let's get going!” Karlach says impatiently, hiccupping a little and rubbing snot away from her nose. Karlach also has two arrow wounds but all her concerns were about her wizard friend.
“I’m coming too,” Wyll adds but Copper puts a stop to it.
“No Wyll, you guys stay here! None of you are badly injured.” Copper says hastily. “The temple is open now. Find any stragglers and neutralize them before they can escape and report back to Moonrise Towers.” 
She jogs after Halsin and Karlach who took off running with Gale. But before the monk is completely out of earshot she yells back. “Also, look for any good loot and secure it for us! We’ll need it for the future.” 
A loud and enthusiastic “Yippee” answers this request. As Astarion already started pulling loot from the dead goblin commander and rummaging through the corpses around him.
---
Day 5- Druid Grove: Afternoon
Tick, tick, tick…
Gale becomes slowly aware of his surroundings with each passing tick. He feels the solid weight of his pocket watch, next to his hip so that means he didn't explode into hundreds of little pieces. 
“That's good.” Gale thinks. “But where the hell am I?”  
He opens his eyes and he doesn't even have to wait for them to adjust, because the room he was in was already dim. His neck was stiff so turning his head took some effort but in the faint light, he saw the fiery glow radiating off Karlach. She’s lounging in a bed next to him, gouging herself on some bread, cheese, and grapes. It's a strange sight. “Karlach should have meat in her hands not food you can find on a charcuterie board.” Gale wearily thinks.
The tiefling notices Gale’s movements and starts shouting around her food.
“Mmmhummph…Kaaaaper….oook! Gaaale!!” Karlach coughs from inhaling her food before taking a large swig of water, forcing it down and clearing her airway. “Copper! Gale’s awake.”
Gale sees Copper’s head poking around Karlach’s body, bread to her mouth-midbite. She drops her food and rushes over to his side. “Hey, I wasn’t expecting you up already!” Copper exclaims, happiness shining in her eyes. 
But Gale doesn’t feel happy to be alive, all he feels is guilt. He could have killed her…he could have killed all his companions if his orb exploded. 
Gale wants to say he was sorry and confess his wrongdoings but Karlach jumps up and starts enthusiastically explaining everything that has happened since he fell unconscious. The fiery tiefling babbles on and on about the trip to the Grove. How the poisoned arrows lodged in her arms were throbbing-making her woozy while she ran, and that Halsin had to turn into a bear to carry her. That Copper not affected by the poison, carried Gale. Once they got to the grove, Halsin had to argue with the druids to let Gale absorb the Idol of Silvanus. 
With each passing second the wizard grows more distressed but Karlach is so excited that her friend is not dead that she doesn’t notice Gale’s growing discomfort.
“...and then, Halsin turns into a bear AGAIN and gets up in that bitch, Kagha’s face!” Karlach laughs as her hands animate the story. 
“Hey, are you alright Gale?” Copper cuts in, looking concerned as she takes a seat on the edge of his bed and places a gentle hand on his forehead. Her touch and the kindness behind it once again shatter Gale’s heart and his defenses almost come crumbling down.  
“Don’t be so nice to me.” Gale thinks as he struggles to not nuzzle into the warm hand on his face. 
“I almost killed you.” He chokes out, swallowing down some tears that threaten to fall.
“Whoa, there!” Karlach laughs awkwardly at the unexpected emotion from the usually steady wizard. “Buddy, you didn’t even touch us with your flames! That blast was sooooo cool so don’t be upset!”
“It's not that!” Gale says aghast, “I almost exploded, erupted, blown up into a thousand teeny tiny little pieces…Anyway! It doesn’t matter what word I use. I almost killed all of you because of the orb in my chest!”
“Gale, what do you mean?” Copper asks, her voice steady but stern. “You didn’t simply collapse because you were low on magic?”
“Yes and no,” Gale confesses. “I did collapse and start seizing because I was low on magic for my orb to feed on. But I failed to tell you and the team earlier… that if my orb fully destabilizes I will erupt. I don’t know the exact magnitude of the eruption, but I theorize, the blast radius could level a city the size of Waterdeep.”
Gale grits his teeth. “There I said it…at least to two of my teammates. Now it won’t take long for everybody else to know and for me to be cast out to wander alone until I explode! Or turn into a mind flayer, which might make me explode anyway!!”
Copper is hiding her shock well, but Gale can feel her tense up on the bed beside him. Karlach however, lets out a loud “Holy Shit” and starts pacing the room. 
“I thought we were growing closer, Gale. You should’ve told me as sooner…” Copper’s quiet disappointment stings more than Karlach’s frantic worried energy. 
“I’m sorry. I know I should have said something sooner but I… this all must feel like a betrayal to you.” Gale says drearily, wincing at the words he has to say next. “Say the word, and we’ll part ways.”
“What?” Copper looks up in surprise. “I meant you should have told me about the rest of your condition sooner. If I had known I was pushing you to the point of collapse, I would’ve had you stay back from the Dror Ragzlin fight.” 
“What?” Gale sputters out, sitting up quickly. He was not expecting those words and felt his pride as an ex-archmage wounded. “You weren’t pushing me. I wanted to fight. I can fight, I swear!”
“If that’s true. Then you have to tell me when you feel unstable!” Copper says sternly, pointing a finger into his chest and pushing him back down. “We’re a team and we need to tell each other when we aren’t feeling well! There’s no shame in hanging back to recoup. I don’t need one of my teammates collapsing or exploding.” 
Copper pauses to breathe and gives Gale a heated stare. “We have a long road ahead of us and we need all of us to get through this together!”
Gale blinks back a flood of emotions. He wasn’t expecting this kind of reaction. Even Karlach stopped her pacing to listen to Copper’s stirring words. 
“Plus…I care too much about you Gale, to abandon you now.” Copper murmurs, looking away from the man, embarrassed. Which was fine with the man in question because he might just explode from happiness, relief, and embarrassment all rolled up into a giant messy ball of emotions centered in his chest.
“Yeah, I care too. Maybe not in the way Copper does.” Karlach awkwardly chuckles before adding. “But we’ll talk to the others and explain the situation. We’ll keep feeding your magical items and you’ll keep protecting our backlines! I’ll make sure no bad guys get anywhere near our squishy wizard!” 
She beats her chest over her infernal engine, like she was making an oath and Copper just smirks and nods her head in agreement. 
Gale just lays there stunned. He can’t believe his luck. Out of all the millions of people in Faerûn, how did he encounter two of the most caring and giving people on this strange journey?
He lets out a choked sigh, his emotions threatening to come out. “That is - a great relief. Oh, a great relief indeed. Thank you for standing by my side when I haven't given you anything in return.”
“Don't put yourself down, man!” Karlach huffs out in annoyance. She goes back to her bed to finish eating while Copper gets up to grab something from hers. “You're very handy to have around, plus you're wicked smart!” Karlach adds, mid munch.
“And you're kind too.” Copper says, sitting back down next to the wizard, a plate of food in her hand. “There's not enough kind people in this world.”
She gives Gale a smile and offers to feed him from her plate. He just smiles back and grabs some cheese, a Waterdhavian blend.
“Good, my favorite.” Gale thinks as he gives it a bite.
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marley-manson · 1 year
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WIP Tag Game
RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.
ty for tagging me @majorbaby
ok I have a lot that are literally like a single very abandoned page of writing but i’ll post them anyway.
Mash:
bi conversation fwbs to friends to lovers undertow undertow 2 undertow 3 abortion army style beejhawk pwp check-up closed doors dear dad full house beats straight george homophobic bj (this is not as mean as it sounds lol) hospital hunnihawk leader follower marg+hawk mash cacove meta shit lol second hand these hands vampire pwp weird jealous bj
Berserk: 
apostle guts dancing in the dark drunk au for your sake further from the light griff fantasy griff’s throne fucking dream heat in hand lamb of god lost no duel au once upon a dream rust sex pollen this must be the place toy soldier wedding vows
I don’t know who all writes fic lol so I might miss some people, but let’s go with: @nimuetheseawitch @undecimber-of-joy @beansterpie  (idk if you have other wips at all but just in case) @harpernovakaine @amrv-5 @professormcguire @transgayhawkeyepierce  @hamiltonsteele @ofmdmash @bipolarhawkeyepierce @ofdemonsandangels @actingcamplibrarian @hawkfawun @nico-jero
and anyone else who sees this and has a wip folder and wants to do it, just say I tagged you
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myhoneysweet · 4 years
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MEMENTO MORI PART 4/4
@nico-jero
My sincere apologies to my Secret Santa giftee for the month-long delay of this fic.
But here it is!! Finally! The conclusion to this crazy, wild story!
Thank you again to @cmyatt01 for the moodboards and for being my beta as well as for continuously encouraging me in this endeavour! Much love, mama!
And now, back to the writing of my other fics, to the delight of my dear friends who never fail to remind me how long its been since I last updated the rest of my work. LOL.
Hope you enjoy <3 Christmas is still alive in January, hahaha!
~chin
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bthump · 5 years
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nico-jero replied to your post “anon from game of thrones here. i don’t watch it either lmao but the…”
These two characters are my favorites but I never sat down and compared them before. But I am writing a fix-it fic where Daenerys gets reborn as a god and then creates an utopia kind of like Neo-Griffith. ����
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vagabondfandoms · 16 days
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Falls On Me
Day 5- Tiefling Party: Early Evening
Rating: Teen/Mature 
Previous Chapters: Chapter One , Chapter Two , Chapter Three , Chapter Four , Chapter Five , Chapter Six , Chapter Seven ½ , Chapter Seven 2/2 , Chapter Eight , Chapter Nine ,
Characters: Gale Dekarios and F!Tav: Copper
Tags/Warning: Gale POV, Gale x Female Tav. Alternative version of the Weave Scene. Approx: 3400 words
Gale tries to distract himself from his near-death experience and Mystra's continual dismissal. But expected emotions come up when Gale and Copper connect through the Weave.
---
The long day was soon winding down and the stars were coming out to play alongside everybody in camp. The joy of victory was contagious and even the most sour individual was cracking a smile at the defeat of the goblin army. 
Gale of course felt happiness and even relief at the annihilation of the goblin hoard and after spending the good part of the day recovering at the Druid’s Grove he even felt energized. But there was a small part of him that couldn’t shake the gloom of death and thoughts of Mystra. 
His Goddess didn’t care that Gale almost died. 
There were no magical interventions to heal him. No heavenly reprieve from his suffering. Just plain old-fashioned dumb luck and quick reactions from his teammates that prevented him from exploding. But Gale should have expected that, of course. Mystra never goes back on her word and if she is done with Gale, then she is done with him.
The man just hoped since her rejection was silent and not forthright that maybe somewhere in the goddess’s heart she would forgive him in the end.
“Urgh, let’s not get stuck on that line of thinking,” Gale grumbles to himself. “Let’s think happy thoughts! First, I am not dead. Second, I have an excellent bottle of wine waiting for me at my tent. Third….”
Well, he couldn’t think of a third but Copper comes into view and everything else is forgotten or at least put aside for the moment.
“Good evening, Gale.” Copper says with a smile. She’s dressed in her casual clothes and she looks far from the battleharden monk she was earlier in the day. “I was hoping you could join me at the celebrations tonight?” 
Gale smiles, happy that Copper sought out his company but then an idea springs in his head and he must follow it.
“I was hoping you’d spare me a moment.” Gale greets back, noting a slight eagerness in the woman’s demeanor. Did she start drinking already or was she truly happy to be in his company?… “There’s something rather magical I wish to show you tonight.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” Copper asks, lifting an auburn eyebrow at him and crossing her arms in disapproval. “You could’ve died this morning from being low on magic.”
Gale coughs, wanting to avoid that topic again. “It’s perfectly safe, I assure you.” He places his hand over his heart as in oath. “No complicated, magic-consuming spells are needed.”
I just want to show you something few people have had the pleasure to experience.” Gale smiles and offers Copper a hand, wanting to lead her away before the party gets too rambunctious. “Let’s quickly head to more intimate surroundings so we don’t get disturbed by this revelry.”
“Pleasurable experience? Intimate surroundings?” Copper questions, her hand hesitating to reach for his as a slight blush forms on her cheeks, and Gale quickly realizes his offer could be mistaken for another pleasurable activity.
“Nooo, no!” Not that kind of….umm… pleasurable offer.” Gale hastily corrects. “I mean to teach you a magical lesson in the Weave. I’ve been promising you for days now and I want to show you my appreciation for all the Ki lessons you’ve graced me with.” Gale gratefully bows. “I truly don’t deserve your time or kindness.”
“Gale, that’s not true.” Copper gently argues, motioning for him to raise his head. But he knows the truth. He isn’t deserving of all the support Copper and now Karlach is giving him.
Gale swears he was mere seconds away from being kicked from the group if the two warriors didn’t defend him so vehemently against the others. Luckily, Wyll quickly joined in his defense and Astarion was outnumbered so the vampire didn’t put up much of a fight when Shadowheart and Lae’zel proved disinterested in continuing the argument as long as Gale could control his orb and left if it proved too unstable.
Startled out of his thoughts by the feeling of strong warm fingers wrapping around his long fingers. Copper looks at him expectantly and Gale realizes the monk is silently taking up his offer for a magical lesson. His stomach starts to flutter with excitement. “Excellent. Let’s mosey on over to a more quiet location.”
He needs to distract himself from his depressing thoughts and what better than a beautiful companion and a magical lesson?
---
“Copper is an excellent student in the Weave.” Even through her protests that she doesn’t have a drop of magical talent, Gale thinks as she mimics his words and actions to produce a burst of light. The happy look on the monk’s face was causing a surge of pride to swell in Gale’s chest. 
It’s been a while since he channeled the Weave in this way. Recently, Gale only dared to do it for battle. Yet being by another person’s side and channeling the Weave so imitately didn’t bring the same feeling of dread to the pit of his stomach. 
“If Mystra feels me connecting to the Weave in this way then so be it.” Gale hesitantly believes. All he was doing was teaching a fellow traveling companion a minor trick or two. It wasn’t like Gale was seeking the goddess’s attention. 
He just wants to return the favor to Copper for all the help she was giving him.
“Excellent. Now repeat after me,” Gale steps closer and instructs Copper in clear and concise prose. “Ah-Thran Mystra-Ryl Kantrach-Ao.” 
A wary look appears on Copper’s face as her eyes quickly flicker to Gale’s mouth as he speaks the incantation. The hesitation quickly turns to determination, and Gale smiles at the sight before thinking ahead so he can blaze the trail to make it easier for Copper to magically follow. The concept of harmony bursts through his mind. The scent of rosewater, a sense that everything is fine in his world, and a sweet taste on the tongue. 
Copper’s eyes grow large and then Gale feels her whole body relax and he smirks, she must have felt the change in the air, as he leads her down this magical exploration. With only the smallest inaccuracy, Copper repeats the incantation. 
“Very good.” Gale praises, looking fondly at the woman. “Now I want you to picture in your mind the concept of harmony. As true as you can.” 
Without a second thought, Copper closes her eyes in prayer. 
Magically connected to the monk, Gale is greeted with a sense of nothingness.
This well of nullity lasted for several seconds and just as Gale was starting to feel concerned for Copper’s mental well-being, small sensations began to flutter at his chest and spark with life. The feeling radiates from his core outwards towards his limbs. 
Each small spark, crackles and comforts his sore muscles like he is made of a warm, gentle fire. However, the sensation doesn’t stop at his body's boundaries. The warm comforting feeling expands outwards connecting him to each blade of grass, the earth beneath his feet, and all the little life that surrounds him. 
Without realizing he is holding his breath, Gale lets out a gasp and greedily sucks in some air deep into his lungs and within that second he becomes one with the universe.
Gale’s body feels larger, stronger, and calmer than it could alone.
He is one with his surroundings and he is unable to figure out if this was the Weave or Copper’s doing…but the thought gets wiped away as quickly as it came and he settles into the pleasant feeling. 
He smiles over to his companion just as she slowly opens her grey eyes and smiles back. Their souls are connected and he was not expecting this kind of reaction when he offered a small magic lesson.
The longer Gale stares, the more he realizes, how deep and reflective Copper’s eyes are. It’s addicting staring into those eyes and feeling this connected to somebody. This warm, safe, and whole. 
“I was missing this my whole life.” Gale briefly thinks as a pull to kiss, to meld into the person next to him floods his body. 
But before he can act on that impulse to kiss Copper, Gale senses her. Mystra, the Lady of Mysteries, Gale’s goddess herself, came to investigate the pleasant hum that was vibrating through her Weave. 
The wind gets knocked out of him, sensing Mystra nearby and in that second of distraction, Gale is mentally surprised by a pleasant image of Copper kissing him. Tender at first that soon turns passionate.
Gale turns away from the magical presence of the Goddess of Magic and tries to focus his eyes on the person before him. Copper is looking at him with a hooded expression reflecting the desire that they felt as she leans in for something they both were drawn to do. 
Embarrassment boils and runs over, followed by hesitation, and exhilaration. But no, Gale can’t do this now. Can't kiss Copper now. Not with Mystra so close…not with her watching. 
However, Copper doesn’t recognize the sensation of the goddess’s presence as Gale does. So the monk doesn't know the turmoil with Mystra is happening and her eager face soon drops to disappointment at Gale’s hesitation to kiss her. 
The magic quickly evaporates like a droplet of water hitting a hot stone and Mystra disappears just as quickly now that the Weave has come undone. 
Copper looks shy and rejected, standing in front of Gale. It feels like she might sprint away any second now. But Gale isn't ready to address the goddess in the room and the folly that brought him here so he quickly turns to another subject matter, embarrassment coloring his voice and actions.
“Well… that was an exhilarating picture!” He claps his hands and rubs them together as he shifts from heel to toe. “I wasn't expecting it but it was very welcomed nonetheless.”
Copper gives him a questioning look and the wizard feels her withdraw from him. “Really?” Copper says hesitantly. “I feel like I completely misread this situation.”
“Noo, no you did not!” Gale quickly corrects. “You were- we both were- umm, feeling the same in that moment. It's just a very complicated situation on my part.”
Copper frowns and her eyes lose her usual sparkle for the man. “You have somebody else?” she whispers, connecting the dots right away.
“Yes.” The word comes out without Gale’s permission. Hurt floods Copper's grey eyes and before Gale can explain further she quickly turns to run away back to the party, away from him and the hurt he caused.
“Wait, please!” Gale shouts in frustration, grabbing Copper's hand and pulling her back to him. “Don't go. I couldn't stand you being sad on my account.” 
“I’ve been acting a fool with a man who's already taken. I do not wish to keep up this charade.” Copper hisses out, refusing to look at Gale out of embarrassment.
“It's no charade,” Gale murmurs, rubbing his thumb over Copper's warm skin, already missing his connection with her. He feels her tense up but he can't find it inside himself to let go. “It's just my…Goddess.”
“You told me you were an ex-Chosen of Mystra before.” Copper says heatedly.  “I didn't pry into why. But I don't understand how your goddess affects what we have. Why does it make you hesitant to…be with me?”
Copper has proven to be strong and dependable yet in this second she seems tired and barely keeping her pieces together through iron will alone.
Gale feels faint, like all his blood disappeared from his body. Still holding Copper’s hand, refusing to let her run. Gale sits down and hides his face with his free hand. 
“Tell her the truth, you coward! She deserves to know the truth after everything you put her through. She barely knows you and doesn’t deserve this treatment. And once you do explain the whole sordid affair you better prepare to let her go. It's the best for her and you. Save each other the heartache.”
Gale mentally berates himself. Going through hundreds of explanations in his head on what to say to the monk but each one lands on him being a worthless ignoramus, a disgrace of a wizard.
“Gale?” Copper gently questions, bringing the man out of his reprimanding thoughts. She doesn't say anything else, letting her original words stand for themselves. But at least he’s not feeling her actively trying to pull away from him.
Gale drops her hand and claps his together, steeling himself for the next few minutes.
“As you know, I am what one might call a wizard prodigy. Such was my skill that it earned me the attention of the mother of magic herself.” He sighs and continues “Starting at a young age, Mystra revealed herself to me and she became my teacher. In time, she became my muse, and later my lover.”
Gale senses Copper becoming very still next to his side. “You had your goddess as a lover?”
“Oh yes,” Gale says, feeling a flicker of burned-out pride at his words. “We enjoyed each other’s company- body, mind, and soul. But even so, I desired more… You see, no matter how powerful a wizard we mortals can become, we never scratch more than the surface of the Weave. Mystra keeps us in check.” 
Copper lets out a huff at that statement and Gale feels encouraged to go on. 
“There are boundaries she doesn’t let us cross. Yet each time I was with her, I stood on the precipice, gazing into the wonders that lay beyond. Wanting more than what I currently possessed and knowing she could give it to me. If only…”
“She should have known better to show you such a thing.” Copper mutters, appearing agitated.  “Enlightenment is something that is earned through years of work to understand our minds. Cause we mortals truly only have barriers in our minds. We must slowly learn to overcome them. If we are shown the truth beyond our understanding at that moment, then those benevolent barriers become cages.” 
“Yes, you are right on that.” Gale turns to her in shock, not expecting this woman to understand him so easily. “I learned there were things beyond my understanding. I sought to be free of my cage. I tried to convince Mystra. I pouted, I pleaded, and I swore my ambition was only to serve her better. But she only smiled and wanted me to be content- locked in my limitations.”
Gale’s hands begin to shake and his orb responds to his agitation, like it knew he was going to speak of it next. 
“I…I thought if I showed her I was better than all the other magicians, all of her other Chosen, then she would unlock my cage and allow me beyond her veil. I sought after a piece of Weave lost to her during the Spellpague. I thought if I returned this lost part of herself to Mystra she would finely deem me worthy to be her full-time companion in all the ways that truly counted, in both mind, body, and soul.”
Copper chuckles drily and shakes her head. “I guess you ruled out flowers and chocolates to woo your woman.” 
“You know me. My gestures can never be grand enough.” Gale jokes, his heart feeling a little better from the lighthearted teasing. “I was certain this deed of raw power draped in romance would convince Mystra to take me by the hand and welcome me into her hitherto forbidden domains. But I was mistaken…”
“Let me guess, this is where the orb comes in?” Copper asks.
“You are correct.” Gale sighs and reaches forward for Copper’s hand. She jerks back slightly from the sudden touch but allows the man to grasp her hand. “Here, place your hand over my heart. You’ve done it before but now know the truth.”
Copper’s strong fingers rest, in the cradle of his collarbone and chest, over his damaged heart. The warmth from her skin spreads instantly but Gale doesn’t dwell on the sensation as he lets his guard down, letting their tadpoles mentally connect. 
The memory is agonizing and Copper is right alongside him for the ride. Images of dark hallways. A book, bound, then suddenly opens. Inside there are no pages, only a swirling mass of blackest Weave that pounces. Tearing into his flesh, to settle hungrily in his chest. Slurping up all his magical energy, discontented with the feast that lay before it.
“Gale!” Copper says worry in her voice as she grits her teeth at the memory of the magical attack.
“As you can see, I recovered the lost piece of Weave, sealed within a Netherse tome.” Anger grows in Gale's voice. “But once I opened that cover, I was cursed with this blight and Mystra dismissed me as her Chosen. She turned her back towards me. Unhappy with my mild rebellion to win her love.” 
“She refused to help you? After everything you did for her?”
“Mystra is a goddess and oftentimes fickle. Even when I loved her with all my heart,” Gale says discouragedly. “I disobeyed her and was punished for it.”
“Gale that is not fair!” Copper says out loud what the man hides in his heart.
“You serve a god! Don’t you expect to be punished for disobeying him?” Gale argues back, still faithful to Mystra’s image. 
“I serve a good god!” Copper asserts, her eyes blazing with pride. “A nice god that understands our human struggles. Ilmater would alleviate any suffering, and never punish his followers for choosing to love, no matter how foolhardy the journey. Has Mystra fallen so far to forget what it’s like to be human?”
“You know Mystra was a human once?” Gale says with curiosity.
“You aren’t the only wizard I’ve made acquaintance with, Gale.” Copper reprimands with a small huff. “Your human folly shouldn’t condemn you to suffering when Mystra could easily take that blighted piece of Weave away from you. You shouldn’t suffer from loving and trying to please her. No harm was done except onto you.”
“I wish Mystra saw it that way.” Gale sighs dejectedly. “But I wronged her. Now I am condemned to take care of this orb until it kills me. And I forbid taking you or anybody else down that path with me.”
“Is that why you hesitated to kiss me before.” Copper says frankly, her earlier embarrassment about the topic gone.
“Yes, in part,” Gale answers without mentioning that Mystra was present for that almost kiss and he doesn’t yet know how to sort out his complicated feelings for his goddess. “I feel drawn to you but I am not worthwhile for you to pursue. Especially now with this blasted thing in my chest. I feel any sort of “excitement” might trigger an explosion.” 
“Gale…” Copper pleads, taking a step closer to him but stopping short of touching him. “I just want to enjoy your company in any way you can give me. I’m not asking for much. I just want to continue walking by your side until this journey is done.”
“If we are only walking you might get bored,” Gale says as a mischievous glint appears in his eyes as he takes her waiting hand. Caressing the skin. “I might have to fill the hours with my scholarly expertise. A lecture perhaps or a debate on the merits of the Weave over Ki?”
“The horror.” Copper jokes, shaking her head as a playful smile emerges. 
“But in all honesty. I’m glad to know you enjoy my company so much.” Gale brings her hand up to his lips for a quick peck. “But I’ll loathe to waste your time tonight. There’s a party to be had. Go, indulge in the frivolities-they’re good for the heart. And mine would be all the lighter, to see you enjoying yourself.”
“What about you?” Copper asks, confusion on her face as Gale turns the conversation around. “Aren’t you joining me?”
“I’m awfully tired.” Gale lies. “I think I’m going to head to bed. But not before I take you to enjoy the food table.” He grips Copper by the shoulders and playful steers her back to camp. “I don’t know where Wither’s conjured up all that food and wine but it would be a shame to let it go to waste.”
Disappointment flashes in her eyes but she quickly hides it as Gale leads her along.
---
The next chapter will be the last for Part One!
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vagabondfandoms · 1 month
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Falls On Me
Day 5- Goblin Camp: 3 AM
Rating: Teen/Mature 
Previous Chapters: Chapter One , Chapter Two , Chapter Three , Chapter Four , Chapter Five , Chapter Six , Chapter Seven ½ , Chapter Seven 2/2
Characters: Gale Dekarios, F!Tav: Copper. With small appearances from Karlach and Lae'zel. Mystra mentioned.
Tags/Warning: Gale POV, Mentions of Chronic Pain, Gale x Female Tav, Light Flirting, Sharing Personal Information with A Crush, "Cuddling" Sorry Minthara lovers, she's not appearing in this story. Approx: 3000 words
The Tadpole Troupe has defeated 2 out of 3 goblin leaders. They are taking some time to plot their next moves against Dror Ragzlin. But Gale finds himself very low on magic and he can't bring himself to relax before the final fight. However, a certain monk insists he needs to rest and she'll help him do it!
---
Weariness settles deep in Gale’s bones as his orb pulsates unpleasantly in his chest, causing a constant but bearable amount of pain to tingle throughout his body. Gale has never been this low on magic before in all his life. He theorizes the orb is extremely unhappy about this fact and is throwing a temper tantrum as punishment.
All Gale wants to do is lay down for the night in hopes his innate inner weave regenerates enough to calm the hungry beast. But that wish is currently impossible since he is on guard duty, like everybody else, until this whole mess with the goblins is finished. Currently, Gale is strategically stationed at one of the exits of the temple and he wants to avoid appearing like the weak link in the group, whining about missing bedtime. He’ll stay on the lookout for any wandering goblins, as long as possible even if he needs to use his staff to keep himself standing upright. 
“Everything will be over soon,” Gale thinks, trying to encourage himself as more pain shoots through his chest causing him to lean on the wall for support, his staff firmly placed on the ground.
The Tadpole Troupe already assassinated the goblin priestess and the drow paladin earlier in the night. Only Dror Ragzlin is left and Astarion comes down from the rafters to report that the hobgoblin commander is busy in the back of the temple trying to communicate with a dead mind flayer, not even aware that his fellow leaders were defeated by a small group of infiltrators. 
“Only one commander left and they will be free of this place…but not from the tadpoles,” Gale thinks, recalling Halsin’s words that he was unable to cure them of their tadpole since they are magically enhanced. They’ll need to go to Moonrise Towers to figure out why but Lae’zel is already lobbying hard to head to the Githyanki creche nearby…
A noise alerts Gale to somebody approaching his location so he stops ruminating. The footsteps are loud but not many so he peels himself away from the wall and stands upright, hoping he looks effortlessly strong, witty, and ready for anything that rounds his corner of the altar room. He hopes it's just a friend relieving him of his guard post instead of another goblin he has to kill quickly and quietly.
“Hey, Wizard,” Karlach calls out to him in what she must consider her inside voice, which Gale thinks is still a couple of decibels too loud. “Time to rotate out. I think there's something special waiting for you by the fire!” 
“Ohh, thank the gods.” Gale sighs in relief, ignoring the playful way Karlach was talking to him. The tiefling has been in a particularly good mood ever since the troupe changed tactics and went after the goblin leaders instead of escaping with Halsin, who refused outright to leave until all the goblin leaders were dead anyway. So Gale thought nothing of her extra good-natured ribbing. 
After a quick report to Karlach about the activity of the goblins in his side of the hall, Gale walks wearily to the former living quarters of Priestess Gut. These rooms were acting as their makeshift campsite as they slowly exterminate the goblins within the temple. It was a small camp, only made for one or two people at a time. They had no bedrolls or blankets with them but if somebody dared they could lay in Gut’s bed but the thought makes Gale shudder. He’s pretty sure he smells something rotten wafting from the sheets. 
There was a cookpot, however, for a quick pick-me-up drink of sib but Gale really wished for coffee since he doesn't have much of a taste for drinks made of roots and herbs found near a goblin camp.
Rounding the corner, Gale finally sees what Karlach was teasing him about. Sitting next to the fire was Copper in deep meditation. In the past day or two, Gale has been making a blundering fool of himself in front of the monk and Karlach must have caught on that he holds some feelings for Copper. 
“All physical feelings of course,” Gale tells himself. He hasn't been around people in over a year. So of course his hormones will go a little wild in front of a beautiful person, and to be fair there are several around, the monk isn't even the prettiest. But Copper has been the nicest to him out of everybody in the party so it's not surprising his brain is seeking out her kindness. “Her quick thinking, nerves of steel, and selflessness aren’t unbecoming either…” His mind supples and he shakes the thought away.
Gale is about to open his mouth to say hello to the monk but he closes it quickly as he watches the fire dance to Copper's breathing. There was a slight disturbance in the Weave surrounding the woman, making Gale curious. Copper said she had no talent or interest in using magic. But here she is making the flame rise and shrink with just her slow steady breaths.
Gale reaches out a hand to connect to the disturbance and finds himself encountering a purely magical force with no sign of Mystra's presence anywhere within. His curiosity spikes even more and he subconsciously drives right on in, soaking up the magic, feeling the orb become slightly satiated. Riding the heat of the crackling fire, feeling welcomed by the magic source, Gale suddenly encounters another presence enjoying the flame.
“Gale?”
He quickly opens his eyes and finds Copper staring at him, the warm flames reflecting in her grey eyes makes them appear orange and bright. “I just felt you within my soul.” Copper says, worry in her voice, as she chews on her lip. 
“Why the nervousness?” Gale thinks, noticing the striking difference between Copper’s current tone and behavior compared to her earlier commanding battle presence. It causes him to pause to understand the juxtaposition of these two personalities. Then he realizes once again this woman is more complex than she lets on.
“Sorry for the intrusion.” Gale quickly apologizes, choosing to set aside his curiosity and go with the easy answer of not everybody likes sharing parts of themselves- souls, minds, or other things. “I was just investigating the magical disturbance around the fire.”
“Disturbance?” Copper questions, a frown creases her eyebrows and Gale notices she must have done that action thousands of times before since there’s a wrinkle that looks at home between her auburn brows. This fact makes Gale smile since he also has some wrinkles married to his face and it was nice running around with somebody of similar age instead of the youth (Wyll, Lae’zel, and Karlach) and the ever-looking youthful (Shadowheart, Astarion, and Halsin). 
“Yes, the flames were dancing. It looked like it was reacting to your breath.” Gale says, looking back at the fire and noticing it returned to normal once the monk’s focus is turned to him and not the inner world she retreats to for meditation. 
“Strange, I wasn't trying to move the fire. I was restoring my Ki for the battle ahead.” 
“Ahh, she talking about Ki again.” Gale mentally kicks himself for not reading more about this topic in the libraries of Waterdeep. His knowledge is sadly sparse on the topic of Ki. 
But why focus on an inferior “magic” system when you have the Weave so readily available? 
“You said you had no talent in spells but I think the fire was telling us something different,” Gale says causally as he kneels to sit beside the monk. Sighing at the relief his bones were feeling but now his chest was heavy with unwanted memories of the past. 
“I am a tad bit jealous the magic is so welcoming towards you when it’s been ignoring me, the resident wizard!” Gale tries to make a lighthearted laugh but it comes out flat. “There was a time when I could make this fire come to life as well. I could shape it like a dragon and make it roar in delight.” Gale casually waves his hand, a small flicker of hope resting in his palm that the fire would respond to his desires, but disappointment answers once again.
“There was a time I could silence a Beholder with a word, and lift a tower from its foundations with a flourish.” Gale proudly declares then drops his hand, weariness settling in deep as he stares longingly into the fire, wishing Mystra would answer. “There was a time I was all but one with the Weave. But no more, I am a mere shadow of the wizard I used to be… because I’ve lost…”
His courage to utter Mystra’s name out loud breaks and there’s a long pause with neither person talking but their breathing syncs up. Gale glances over to Copper and sees she’s also lost in thought, a far-off look in her eyes like she is also revisiting an unpleasant memory.
He was going to give up on company for the rest of the night but Copper finally asks in a low voice. “Who are you? Before this?” 
“A man…” He stops not wanting to tell her the full truth. “A wizard with a considerable amount of acclaim and a scholar of exceptional accomplishments,” Gale smirks, reciting his old line to Copper. 
The woman must realize this and pushes his shoulder and calls him a “tease” under her breath. He likes being called a tease and laughs at the small push. Settling back down firmly on his butt, he feels a little lighter and decides to tell her a little more of the truth. “But in all seriousness, I was a former archmage and ex-chosen of Mystra.” 
Copper’s eyes grow huge at his statement, murmuring “Chosen of Mystra” under her breath.
He feels a little flicker of pride at the statement. Once that title gave him great joy but now he can’t even claim it after Mystra dismissed him. He can’t even claim the archmage title now, even after 18 years of learning, since his skills greatly diminished with the orb lodged in his chest, eating up his natural talents in the process.
“What about you?” Gale causally asks. “You are no mere monastery monk. Not with the way you formulated those battle plans to quickly minimize the goblin forces against us.” 
Gale feels a spell of weariness and pain hitting him, causing his head to spin a little but he ignores it in favor of talking to the woman in front of him. “I was very impressed with how quickly and thoroughly you acted earlier with that Loviatar Priest and getting everybody motivated to fight…even if I was reluctant at first. I thought an all-out battle was unwise but you proved that a group of 7 now 8 including the druid can take on a whole army if we take some… unprecedented tactics.”
Copper blushes a little at Gale’s praise but then gives him a big smirk. “I’m just a woman with… a considerable amount of no acclaim and a monk…” Gale cuts her off with a loud huff before she can finish mimicking his speech from earlier.
“Heeeey, I know where this is going.” He rolls his eyes at her joke and smiles softly. “For real though. Who were you before all this?”
Copper turns to the fire, biting her lips again before answering. “A junior captain and for a short time a captain of the second division of the Third Sons Mercenary group.” She gives out a weary sigh and keeps talking. “I was a soldier for 17 years so I guess some of that rubbed off today.”
Gale blinks. A lot of things just added up about this woman with this new piece of information. “A captain… of the Third Sons.” He’d heard of that mercenary group before. A large band of military soldiers. They sometimes came through Waterdeep for mercenary work but usually stayed in the Dalelands.” 
“Is that why Karlach calls you Soldier?” Gale blurts out before he can ask a more eloquent question. It seems like his brain is having a hard time functioning since he’s low on magic and his orb is famished. 
“Karlach and I think Lae’zel noticed right away I have some military training…” Copper answers. “But nobody else picked up on it. It’s not like I go waving around a sword. So if you aren’t accustomed to living that kind of lifestyle you might not pick up on the telltale oddities a soldier habitually performs in their daily lives.”
Gale hears most of what Copper says but his head feels hazy as another spasm of pain runs through his body. He must have pitched forward because he finds himself being caught by Copper before he can fall head-first into the fire. 
“Gale! Are you ok?” Copper asks, worry in her eyes as she pulls him up into a sitting position. Gale tries to move away from Copper, not wanting to appear weak, but she has a steady grip on his shoulder. 
After struggling wearily for a second he stops fighting and just relaxes into the support. “I just need this day to be over with but alas it is only morning,” Gale says wearily gritting his teeth at another wave of pain. “I’m extremely low on magic but I can’t sleep in these circumstances.”
“We only have a couple of hours left before we head for the final assault on Dror Ragzlin. Copper calmly states, unaware of how picky a person Gale can be. “Why don’t you sleep by the fire?”
“On what? We don’t have any blankets and I’m not going anywhere near that goblin bed!” A pitiful whine escapes from the wizard as he leans his head on the woman’s shoulders. “I’ll wake up covered in fleas and gods knows what else.”
Gale feels himself getting shifted slightly as Copper rummages through her pockets. He guesses he should start moving away from her. Support himself. But it feels nice leaning on her when his head is spinning. 
“It looks like I have about 15 minutes left of my break.” Copper says quietly, as Gale peeks over her shoulder and sees the pocketwatch he lent to the group in her hand. He feels a little sore whenever he looks at that silver timepiece because he bought it for his ill-fated journey to win Mystra’s favor. It reminds him of all his failures but he just can’t throw it away. 
Gale and his silver pocket watch’s fates are tied together now.
“How about you lay your head in my lap and I’ll try to restore some of your Ki while you rest?” Copper looks over at him and smiles. “I’ll wake you up when I leave and at least you get to rest your eyes a little before then.”
Gale pauses, realizing the position he is in, and starts pushing away from the monk. “No… I don’t think that would be appropriate. Plus, you’ll be using up the Ki you just restored on me!”
“Gale, stop.” Copper gives out a command, her voice strict and unwavering. “I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t for the benefit of the group. We need you in the morning on the back lines. We couldn’t have done half the things we did yesterday-defeated all those strong foes if it wasn’t for you and your magic. We need you up and at least halfway able-bodied. Please let me help you!”
Gale stops his struggling and just stares at the floor letting Copper’s words sink in. He did do a considerable amount of spellwork yesterday-summoning illusions, sending out fireball after fireball, even casting an arcane lock on the temple door to seal everybody inside until they defeated the goblins and their commanders.
But it doesn’t seem enough. 
He hasn’t done nearly enough. 
He isn’t enough.
Gale is a poor substitute for who he once was to warrant this amount of kindness, dare he say it… sacrifice. Copper wants to give up the rest of her break time and use the power she worked to restore to allow him to regain just a little of his…”What about you?” He asks seriously.
“I’ll be fine.” Copper says quietly as she lets go of Gale’s shoulders and waits for him to decide. “I can rest and regain my Ki standing up. I am a former soldier after all. Resting upright and staying alert is a requirement for any successful military siege.”
Hearing those words all of Gale’s resistance fades and without saying a word he shifts to a sitting position and just pats one of Copper’s legs to indicate she should kneel for him. Copper does what he wants without saying a word, adjusting herself so they both are comfortable. 
Gale is a little nervous laying his head in her lap. Just earlier in the night, he saw this woman kill and man with these thighs. Not only that, the last time he’s been this close to somebody’s core was with Mystra and the Goddess of Magic was not fond of cuddling…
He is about to get up and just call off this whole deal when Copper starts rubbing his temples and Gale just melts into the touch. “She’s killed a man with these hands…but they are so gentle with me.” The circular motions move up his skull and then the warm fingers start combing through his hair to massage his scalp underneath. It feels heavenly, if he could purr he would.
Gale’s eyes begin to droop shut but he can see in the soft glow of her Ki, Copper fighting back a smile. 
“Remember to wake me when you have to go…”
---
Gale wakes up to a boot nudging his side. He looks up beadily, sleep still in his eyes, and sees an angry-looking Githyanki looking down at him. 
“Istick, Get up!” Lae’zel says sternly. “Copper ordered us to allow you to rest, to restore your strength, until the assault on the…” She pauses thinking before continuing, sounding out the foreign word. “Ho-bo-gob-lin… Now it’s time to wake up. I hope your extra sleep serves us well in battle.”
“It’s pronounced hobgoblin, Lae’zel.” Gale corrects before standing up and stretching. A quick check of his body indicates he’s not sore and his orb isn’t as hungry. A smile forms on his face at the sensation and the memories of why his body feels so good. But it quickly turns to a frown at the sight of the impatience Githyanki and the thought of all the teasing he’ll receive from the others.
“Really Copper, you should have woken me.”
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vagabondfandoms · 2 years
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Whale Island Recovery
Chapter Two: The Swamp
Summary: Gon and Mito head to the swamp for their "therapy" session.
Excerpt:
It was a little after 9 am when Mito and Gon say goodbye to Grandma and started towards the beach. Gon led the way, and Mito followed behind, shuffling her feet, kicking stones, and reluctantly moving forward. 
It felt strange to Gon to see the woman who raised him acting so childish. For the first time, he really considers his aunt's age. She wasn't much older than Leorio but unlike his friend, she hasn't had many experiences outside of Whale Island.
A thought came to mind and out of his mouth before he knew it. "Aunt Mito, do you have any friends?"
"Huh?" Mito looks up in surprise. "Why are you asking something like that?"
"I was just thinking of my friend and I realized I don't know if you have any."
"Well, there's nobody around my age," Mito responds. "Not since Ging left."
"It's kind of like me and Noko." Gon ponders as he looks at his aunt.
"Noko and her family actually moved away this past spring." Mito supplies, moving up to close the gap between her and her son. "Now I am the youngest person on Whale Island when you aren't around."
"The prettiest too!" Gon smiles and takes his aunt's hand.
Mito laughs and blushes. "When did you become such a charmer?"
"Just being truthful." Gon laughs, feeling better now that Mito is walking alongside him
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bthump · 6 years
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nico-jero replied to your post “If Casca didn't try a deter Guts from staying and if the Eclipse never...”
Your writing is so good! I love you brought up Guts tenderness and helping attitude with holding Shizu's hand. I wonder how much different Gut's life would be if she lived? He probably would be a Merc still but would he have the same characteristics that attracted Griffith to him?
thank you so much <3 and yeah I find that moment so touching ngl, it’s such an interesting character establishing moment for Guts, after the Black Swordsman arc especially.
Good question tbh. We know at least some of Gambino’s abusiveness is rooted in blaming Guts for Shizu’s death (he says it’s why he sold him to Donovan), and it also contributed to the rest of the band considering him cursed. Plus yk just having a mother around, assuming Shizu would’ve been an alright mom, and I’m fine with defaulting to assuming parents aren’t going to suck, would probably be a good influence on Guts. So Guts’ issues with feeling like an ousider would be way lessened, probably.
He’d live a much happier life if Shizu never died imo. More love in his life, Gambino as a distant but maybe not actively horrible father figure. I imagine Guts would’ve started learning the sword at a more reasonable age under these circumstances, being mostly raised by Shizu until he’s actually old enough to fight. No oversized sword in this AU.
Also I think his rape trauma is largely responsible for his run directly into danger by himself and then claw his way back out style of fighting. I think it’s how he deals with a deep seated fear that started there (compounded w/ Gambino trying to kill him later too) and that hits him again every time he faces an opponent and makes him want to lash out to a somewhat irrational extent (tho he wouldn’t be conscious of it when it comes to typical human soldiers imo. monsters bring it out more). Hence things from pre-emptively charging the ram knights as a one-man army to insisting on taking wyald one on one.
So yeah without that trauma I think he would be much chiller on the battlefield. He wouldn’t be as strong as he is, or as driven, or as singular, and he might not’ve caught Griffith’s eye at all. Though I like to think there still would’ve been that spark between them. But they would lose that two lonely dudes finding their loneliness eased around each other vibe. Also Guts would probably not be as desperate for attention, though he might still be a little, since lbr Gambino wouldn’t be a doting parent under any circumstances.
I mean okay I guess I gotta admit that 99% of Guts’ character stems from his childhood and Gambino’s treatment of him, so if that changed, anything and everything could be different, and his relationship with Griffith especially is informed by his shitty childhood imo.
So even if Gambino and Shizu both died b4 he was 15 and he ended up with the Hawks anyway, I feel like his relationship with Griffith just wouldn’t have that intensity. He wouldn’t feel driven to be his equal and have him look at him, Griffith saying he wants him wouldn’t affect him much, Griffith saving him from Zodd wouldn’t have the same impact, same w/ Guts finding a new family with the Hawks, etc etc.
(Maybe this would be good actually lol. I could see this version of Guts telling Griffith what he needed to hear in Tombstone of Flame, eg. And he wouldn’t leave the Hawks even if he did overhear the Promrose speech. He’d probably be more in a position to recognize that Griffith isn’t so much admirable as fucked up. And he’d be more likely to actually apply Casca’s story about him to what he thinks he knows about Griffith and reach a greater understanding of him, when not blinded by a desperate need to be loved.)
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