#not looking forward to tomorrow either. today was rough at work but itll be just me and someone else for the entire morning. so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blondemelon · 5 years

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life update

so lifes going okay I guess. ive been with dan for over 3 years now, and we both have good jobs. I just got a raise at work and am making almost 17 dollars an hour, that's crazy to me. danny starts his new job next week and his last day at his current job is tomorrow, technically today, and im so excited and happy for him. I’m going to take my TEA’s soon, and apply for the lpn program in the fall. we are actually getting somewhere in life. meanwhile, shawn just totaled his 4th car, an old honda civic si that was once beautiful but by the time he got his hands on it it was already a disaster car, so its probably for the better. but rip si. and the motor, ugh :( anyway, im working my ass off and trying to save for a house and also not have any mental breakdowns so we’ll see. I’m seeing a new doctor now and finally was diagnosed with abdominal migraines, so now at least I know theres a reason for my madness and im not just actually insane because for a while there I was getting pretty damn scared. I admitted myself at one point because all I wanted to do was take my entire script of Xanax and just go to sleep forever. but with a diagnoses and with the right meds, ive really been doing a whole hell of a lot better. whenever I do have panic attacks, or anytime my stomach does start to hurt, I take a Xanax or my Imitrex and then I feel fine. for an entire year I begged and pleaded to just be fine. im so thankful that it was only a year of my life but to me, it really felt like a lot longer. when youre 21 and all you wanna do is rip your hair out and live in a boiling hot bath, it seems theres not much to live for but I got through it and am here to talk about it, so I guess that's a positive way to look at it. im probably going to tag abdominal migraines in this, if anyone reading this has issues with that feel free to reach out to me because the experience of finding out that that was what was causing my pain was insane and stupid and I wish I had someone who knew anything about it to talk to during the process, but really I was alone and it sucked. my family and friends were there for me, but no one truly understood what was going on or why I was acting the way I was and to everyone else, I really did just seem to be either crazy, or coming down off of drugs and lying about it but neither of those things were true. now, I look forward to my days and am hopeful for this summer and for the rest of this year. I have my photography, I have my art, I have nature, I have my friends, and I have wonderful people surrounding me, I have nothing to dwell on because like I said, im 21, fuck. I need to be happy and live my life. this summer is going to be filled with nights where im up way too late and get way too high, nights where I go drinking with my best friend because we are both finally 21, warm sunny mornings of yoga before work, and adventurous weekends with my boyfriend and my camera. Im excited for the future. I need to be, itll be good. like everyone always says, the grass is greener on the other side. try not to think of what could be and cherish what is. anyway, we are only 4 months into this year but 2019 so far has taught me a LOT and while it’s been rough getting to where I am, im grateful for my experiences and all of the lessons ive learned from them. always rain before the rainbow.

#life #personal #21 #abdominal migraines #looking forward #find the beauty #2019 #LPN #summer #self help #self love #don't worry #be happy #fuck shit

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