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selfshipstuff · 5 years

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Thanks to @sketchy-galaxy for the ask! Here’s my answer for Question 1 of the voice ask meme, which was as follows:

“Recall how long I’ve known my f/o(s) and how I discovered them/their source material.”

I’ll put a transcript of my rambling under the cut.

00:00 - 00:35 - Um... hi. So... for question number 1-- which is about how long I’ve known them and how I discovered their source material-- I’m thinking I’ll start with Hunk, since, Starr, you’re the one who asked and I remember that we bonded a little bit over... um... being with Hunk and Lance respectively-- and Lotor, of course, in your case as well.

00:36 - 01:34 - Um... Hunk, I met in... 2016, I wanna say? So, it’s going on... 3 years now? Or I guess it is 3 years now, 'cuz I met him... towards the end of 2016. And, I mean... with Voltron... I was introduced to that by-- well. It being so popular on Tumblr. I’m not quite as into Voltron as I was at the time? But... he’s still really special to me. Obviously, I mean, [laughing] you never really,, [shaky breath] stop loving someone when you love them that much. But... [long pause, awkward laugh] Anyway! Next!

01:35 - 02:28 - Um... mmh. With... Adrien, from... Miraculous Ladybug-- um, Miraculous is another one of the ones that I discovered through Tumblr. Um, it was really fun though, because I’ve always had, like, a soft spot for French, and, um... French culture and France in general, so it’s really cool that there’s this show that’s focused on like, superheroes, and magic, and France, all three of which are like extremely fun to me. And... I don’t really remember when I started watching Miraculous, but I think it was a little bit before or after I started watching Voltron, so probably also around that 2016 area. Mmmh...

02:30 - 04:09 - And then... with the Hitachiin twins, Hikaru and Kaoru-- um... I could be saying all of their names with the proper, um, accents, but... I... don’t think it would sound good, and I am not confident enough to be recorded [laughing] saying them that way. [deep breath] Um, so, Adrien, Hikaru, and Kaoru it is, rather than all the accented ones. But, with the twins, I, um... they,,, have been around for me for [chuckling] a lot longer than a lot of the others have. Because I’ve liked them since I first watched the anime-- um, it’s Ouran High School Host Club, for anyone who doesn’t know, I guess, although it’s pretty... it’s a classic, I guess, so most people would know, I think. Um... [clears throat] when I first watched it, I was in middle school... so that was probably... um... I wanna say... 7th grade? 8th grade, something like that? So... I graduated this past year, it’s 2019... um... [long silence where I’m basically doing the math lady meme] I wanna say 20...12, 2013? Something like that, but it’s been a while. Um... [laughs sheepishly]

04:10 - 05:00 - Aaand... then there’s... Krel, who’s really, relatively new, but [chuckling] I love him so much. Um, he’s from 3Below-- Tales of Arcadia-- it’s the second installment in the Tales of Arcadia series, it comes after Trollhunters. Um... I had been meaning to watch Trollhunters... since I started seeing content for it on Tumblr as well. Um... [weird throat noise rip sorry skksjkj] but... I had been putting it off for a while? That’s the case with like, all of them, by the way, that I discovered on Tumblr. Um, I started watching Trollhunters around the time that 3Below was released? So I wanna say... 2016, 2017 as well.

05:01 - 06:32 - Umm... then there’s Stardew Valley, which I also discovered partially through Tumblr, partially through my boyfriend, who plays as well? He-- his favorite is definitely Shane, um, mine is... Sebastian, although I love [chuckles] all of them... a lot. Um... Demetrius can go eat dirt, but-- maybe some of those like... mushrooms that he put in my,, stupid,,, cave on my property, but... um... I don’t think any of them are poisonous, unfortunately. RIP to anyone who likes Demetrius, but I’m better. [deep breath] UM... [pause] now I feel bad, I shouldn’t’ve said that, that’s mean. But anyway, um... dang... I wanna say Stardew Valley I started playing, errmm... late 2016, early 2017? I know that seems to be, like, a really... popular time for a lot of my-- my babes, but like... I don’t... know why that is. I have a really poor internal clock, so I probably am just like, not remembering the timing properly. Um... but I would say that’s probably about the time that I started playing Stardew Valley and met Sebastian.

06:33 - 08:32 - Um... [long pause] let’s see. Then... this is getting into... the... not super current territory, but like, still like, “I love you, please be on my list”? Y’know, that kind of area? Where you’re like, [high voice] “I’m not posting about you, but I still love you, I promise.” Um... Cisco from The Flash, I started watching The Flash, I wanna say, 20...17...? Like, mid-2017, I think, and I loved him like right off the bat. He was my favorite character, episode 1 of season 1, and... that has like, not changed, at all. [laughs, then settles down] They did him dirty, I was so mad about all of his, like, canon love interests? ‘Cuz like, they did him so dirty, poor baby... um! [laughing] That’s kind of off-topic though. Um-- then... there’s also... oh. How I discovered The Flash-- um. I mean, honestly? It’s just because the DCU is so, like... I guess... it’s so big, in pop culture, and I hadn’t really watched the MCU or DCU movies or shows? Until like, really recently. So I started trying to catch up to it, so that’s kind of how that happened. I’m all caught up on The Flash through season 5 now, but... for a while, I wasn’t. Um... but anyway.

08:33 - 09:47 - Next is... let’s go with Connor. Connor Murphy, from Dear Evan Hansen. Um... this is, as you can tell, a [laughing] popular theme throughout all of them, but Dear Evan Hansen is another one that I discovered through Tumblr. Um, it was kind of difficult...? To get to the source material, because... as,, anyone who’s ever been into musicals knows,,, um,,, ya gotta... ya gotta watch those bootlegs. But they’re not like... super legal... [wheezing in laughter] so it involves,, some, like... lowkey piracy... um... I-- technically-- yeah, not technically. Completely, 100%. But it’s worth it. He’s a Boy. He’s so relatable. I’m gonna say 2016 for that as well, but probably af,,ter,,,, I watched,,, Voltron? I wanna say..... um, actually, maybe 2017, that’s probably more accurate.

09:48 - 10:29 - Um. At this point, I’m just reading down my-- my actual F/O list, um, on my blog, [collapses into laughter] because,, I don’t,,, actually have the capacity or the bandwidth to properly keep a list in my head, and... just talk about them all in an organized fashion without something to look at, ‘cuz I’m a very org-- eh, visual organized person, when it comes to like,, how to like, think and talk about things. So... if thess-- (bluh) if this order sounds familiar, that’s why, I’m literally just reading it off of my list.

(divided this next one into 3 paragraphs bc it’s so long good god--)

10:30 - 14:47 - Um... next, I’m gonna say-- I’m not even gonna specify which F/Os, ‘cuz there’s like a looot of them from this source material-- but I’m gonna say Homestuck. Um. I discovered it, again, through Tumblr, but also through like...? I dunno if it’s pronounced Quo Tev or Quote V, but that fanfic website we'd all been to when we were like 11. Um-- [laughs] Um, I first discovered it-- or, I guess... um... [deep breath] I don’t wanna say “interacted with it”, because I really didn’t, I kind of just... observed it for the first time,, when I was, I wanna say... 12, or 11, so 2011... 20-- no, 2012 or 20...13, I wanna say, and then I finally read it in the first couple months of 2016. And, I think-- I actually binged it, and... I didn’t,, I’m not like... a very highly motivated person, so I would read them in like short bursts throughout a couple weeks.

I think I finished it in like 2 weeks, but... I would read it at like... after midnight hours, [laughing] so I would be sitting in bed, in this dark basement, by myself, and I remember reading about when Gamzee canonically was like... off the shits. [bursts into wheezing laughter] And I was,,, so freaked out, ‘cuz I was sitting in this dark basement, at like 3 in the morning, all by myself, reading about this like, killer clown-- I’m not even afraid of clowns, but like, god! What the fuck! [laughs] ... Um-- so I guess, some of the more prevalent, um, folks from Homestuck for me would be Dave and Davesprite-- um. I know that’s like, a really common one,, for Dave, because he’s like That Guy for the series, but for me it’s more like, “Wow! We have a lot of... shared experiences,” and, I mean... I dunno. That’s something to get into some other time.

But, I mean... I think I’ve liked... Dave, Davesprite... um, Dirk, in like a palerom way, if you’re familiar with the quadrants from Homestuck? Which is basically kind of like, uhhh, “I wanna be your best friend” but like also, comfort, like-- like-- I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. Um... I guess it would be kind of like a queer-platonic partner, if you’re familiar with, um, ace-spectrum language. Um... I also really liked Roxy for a short time, and... Dave,,peta,sprite??? I don’t know how to pronounce their name. Um, I was never really a fan of Jade, to be honest, um... which I know is like... the bad mojo for that fandom, but... it be like that, I apologize. Um..... anyway, let’s move on before I get into the trolls, because that’s a long list that I don’t even have time to touch right now, we’ve already been going for like 15 minutes and I still have more to talk about... and this is just for question one, I apologize, Starr, what ha-- what can of worms have you opened-- [laughs]

14:48 - 17:30 - Um... I guess, next would be... Donnie, from TMNT. Because... because,, ss-- shocker, surprise! I’m,,, very, very pan,,,, very, very not picky when it comes to who I am loving,,, my stupid heart is like “Not human? Not a problem!” Of course, you still have to be able to consent, yadda yadda yadda, no, bestiality is gross, et cetera, et cetera. Um... but like, when it comes to TMNT, that’s one of those things that... I’ve been... aware of, for like, my whole life, because I mean it’s been around since like-- how long now?? Wh,, since like the 19...8...0s...? Something like that? Um-- oh shoot, my sisters are home. Oh well.

Um, Donnie is definitely a Main when it comes to the four of them, um, shortly thereafter followed by Mikey, and then it’s Leo, and then I also... I-- I mean, I like all four of them, in separate ways, but like... Raph is definitely, like... Raphael is kind of on the bottom for me? Which I know is kind of odd and uncommon in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fandom, but... that-- I appreciate that he’s [laughs] really passionate,, but I have a hard time,, with, um... people who have, like... quick tempers. Um... due to like, past experiences. So... that’s, um... [long pause] Anyway, I started watching based-- uh, with the 2012 series. Um, I haven’t seen the new one yet-- with the 2D animation, where they’re all different types of turtles? Um, I did watch the 20...14/2016 movies, um... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and TMNT: Out of the Shadows-- those were really good as well. Um... [huff] and that’s that! I live by that.

17:30 - 19:30 - So, next I guess would be... Merlin, from the show of the same name that aired on BBC. Umm, I don’t actually remember when I watched this? I wanna say 20...14, 2015... probably mid-2015. [burps] ‘Scuse me-- um... I mean... pretty much immediately, I liked him. Um, like, first five minutes of the show, I was immediately like, [surprised voice] “Oh! I love him! He’s mine now.” Um... I discovered him through, um... I mean, general internet culture, same as Homestuck. I did, uh-- kind of find them through Quo Tev-slash-Quote V, however the hell you wanna pronounce it, as well as Tumblr, and like Ao3. Um-- ‘cuz y’know, um, Merlin and Arthur are a really popular ship, so... I did see a lot of that-- I actually do kind of like that ship, but personally, I’m also kind of like, [high voice] “Mmmmmmmm... Arthur,,,....... he’s mine. Go have fun with Gwen.” [pauses, then laughs] ... Not gonna lie though... Morgana before she went, like... crazy, crazy evil? Was like... highkey eyes emoji. And then she went over to the dark side ‘cuz they had cookies or whatever and I was like [high voice] “Mmmmm, I don’t like that.” ‘Cuz,, I’m not, like,, super, like,,,,.... no tea, no shade, y’all who have villain F/Os are super valid, but that’s for me-- [bursts out laughing]

19:31 - 21:08 - Um-- [long pause] And then I guessss... have I mentioned Peter yet? Um,, Spider-Man-- I mean, shh, I totally didn’t just reveal his identity, um-- but... I’ve,, always really liked Spider-Man?? Like, he’s always just kind of been one of my favorite heroes. Um. Even when I hadn’t really watched much of the MCU or DCU, I think Spider-Man was up there with Wonder Woman for me. Um... I still haven’t watched,,, like, anything other than the Tom Holland ones-- [laughter] I do own them, I just,, haven’t watched them-- [collapses into laughter again] Um,, I think,,, [groaning] I don’t know, I just love him... I watched, um... like, I watched... what’s it called? Um-- Homecoming. When it came out. Uh, I saw it in theaters, and I don’t remember when that was, but... I did-- I pretty much immediately was like [high voice] “Mmm, boyfriend material.” So-- I mean, I discovered that through mostly popular culture and cultural osmosis as well, um, but Peter Parker’s been like a childhood one for me as well, I guess.

21:09 - 23:51 - And then there’s also... uhhh... one second, I’m thinking-- oh. [snaps fingers] Right. I have the list. Right in front of me. Um, Ratchet, from Ratchet & Clank, the 2016 game-- um, I actually haven’t played any of the other ones in the series. Um... I haven’t,, I’m not super familiar with the franchise? I know that he has, like, a canon girlfriend at some point who I’m like... not super comfy with. [starts laughing] Um,,, content for her keeps showing up on my dashboard and I’m like “I don’t want these,,,” But, um... so, I discovered it... through, um. Well.

Unfortunately, I discovered it through my dad, who I have a very bad relationship with, but he-- at the time, um, he hadn’t disowned me yet, and I was over at his house, because I was-- it was like, visitation weekend. So, I was on the PlayStation, and he had bought Ratchet & Clank in like a weird attempt to like... bribe me with,, affection, or something. And, I guess... I just like... I played it. ‘Cuz like, there wasn’t anything better to play, and I just immediately like fell in love with the game. The graphics are really good, um... the game was fun, it was easy to play once I got a hang of it, which is [snickering] really good because I’m not very good at video games [full-on laughing] even though I love them. Um...

And I mean, that was kind of more of a gradual thing for me. It wasn’t like a [snaps fingers] “I love him,” it was more like [surprised] “... Oh. Ohhh, no,,, I’m starting to love him!” Which is actually kind of strange for me, because it’s kind of like... slow-burn things are less common for me. Um, like normally I’ll at least have like a crush at first, but... for Ratchet, it was really more like... “Ohhh my... Suddenly, I Am Starting to Have Some Affection.” Like, in the middle of playing the game, and it was kind of hilarious. Um... this was, I wanna say, 20...17, 2018. So, more recent.

23:52 - 25:30 - And then, of course, um, Sans Undertale. Because who doesn’t love The Boy? Ummm... obviously, discovered Undertale through, um... Tumblr, also my boyfriend had it, so I got to watch him play it a bit, and he talked about it as well. Um... popular culture, because everyone was talking about it, it was on YouTube quite a bit, um, and at the time, I was pretty active watching YouTube videos-- I don’t really anymore, but I did at the time. Um... honestly? I never finished the game myself. It’s-- I still have it, it’s like, on my computer, I just haven’t touched it since I like... first got it. I played it for like a couple weeks, but I already kind of knew everything that happened, and I just kind of... didn’t?? Anymore?? So I’m real-- I’m like-- Before I even played the game, though, I was already like “I love him!” because... I mean... I’mma keep it real with you, Chief... I saw a lot of Undertale content on Tumblr and Ao3... and I was just like “Well. I guess I love him now!” Um, I wanna say that was-- I don’t remember when Undertale came out, but I wanna say it wassss... half a year after it came out? Maybe... closer to a year, somewhere around there.

25:31 - 27:10 - Um... I think those are pretty-- oh! [snaps fingers] Y’know what, I know who I’m forgetting. Um... I also, um, recently started watching Supergirl, and, like, immediately, I loved Winn. He’s so good. Um-- I started watching Supergirl probably... June, July, August of this year? So, it’s very recent, but [shaky voice] oh my god,, I love him. This is again, through like, pop culture, um, it being part of the DCU, being how I discovered it. Um, and also I saw some stuff about lesbians on Tumblr-- um-- I do really like how they handled Alex’s, um... journey through that. And then, I mean... I don’t think I’m gonna say much more, [laughs] ‘cuz I’ll just,, keep going, and I’ve already been recording for like 27 minutes? And I’ve gotten off-topic for probably about half of that.

So, that’s question number one... if I,, left out any?? That you wanted to hear about, I can do another one, but I think... this should be good for now.

#mine

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lykezoinks · 7 years

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[ a/n: alright, this is my last entry for @klangst-week. thanks everybody for all the likes and reblogs! it keeps me writing, and it’s just nice to see people enjoying what i’m putting out! also, the works everyone’s created have just been amazing, so keep it up, y’all! ]

title: impulse control words: 3,547 prompt: secrets/betrayal rating/genre: T for language, modern au, college au, angst & hurt/comfort with a tinge of humor trigger warning(s): mental illness (implied depression and anxiety), depersonalization, mentions of injury (bruises and blood) extra notes: keith and shiro are adoptive brothers (it’s mentioned very briefly), klance is established

Yes, he works in the most hipster coffee shop within a twenty mile radius of campus. And yes, he loves it. Sure, The Underground sounds more like a sketchy bar you’d find in an alleyway that may or may not host fight clubs every other night, and yeah, it kinda smells like pencil shavings even after he mops the floors three times at opening, but at least it has character. Most people would roll their eyes at the always pretentious shop-goer in their thrift store clothing and knit hats, but Lance can’t help but find them interesting. Not that it surprises anyone.

Lance became famous around campus after only one year of being a— totally amazing, if he may say so himself— residence hall assistant. Almost anyone who lived in Levine Hall found a friend in Lance McClain. Eager to please and even more eager to befriend, it’s no secret that he falls in love with almost every social interaction he can muster up.

So he really doesn’t mind if a customer wants to discuss their latest film project, and he’s always happy to adhere to any non-dairy milk preference. Though he doesn’t have a septum ring to match his coworkers’ and he’s a bit too smiley for the spoken poetry nights they host on the stage in the back, that doesn’t stop anyone from placing a dollar in the tip jar after he compliments their tattoos or ends a pleasant conversation with a smile and a wink.

The night shift is easy enough to work. People stop entering the cafe sometime after ten, staying their welcome to study on the couches and leaving before closing. Lance’s manager insists Lance work the front while Floyd takes on the side work. So the remainder of Lance’s shift is spent leaning his elbow against the counter and letting his fingers fall one-by-one against his cheek. He tells leaving customers to enjoy the rest of their night as they leave behind a buzz of idle chatter and a ding of the door. Once the cafe clears out, all that’s left is the sounds of Floyd sweeping the floors and an acoustic song from some band that Lance thinks should have never left their basement.

“Am I free to go, bossman?” Lance asks, drumming his hands against the counter, wiggling his hips in time with the beat as his eyes dart between Floyd and the analog clock on the wall.

“You’re good to go,” Floyd nods, sliding Lance’s wallet across the countertop.

With a happy sigh, Lance punches a few buttons on the register, pulling the drawer out and placing it in the office in the back before clocking himself out and grabbing his keys from the hook. The second he does, his phone rings from its spot in his jacket pocket. Slipping it into his palm, he drags his thumb across the screen and cradles it between his ear and his shoulder. “Perfect timing! How’s it hangin’, Pidgeotto?”

“Lance! Hey, um…” The way Pidge says ‘Lance’, high pitched and cracking, tells him he’s about to get bad news. Before he can stop her, Pidge is already stringing together a plethora of subject changers that just seem ridiculous given that the two of them weren’t on a particular subject to begin with.

“Pidge,” Lance interrupts partway through some bullshit commentary having to do with the ‘crazy weather we’ve been having.’ Lance knows that no one has to explain climate change to Pidge, given its something she rants about at least twice a day. “What’s going on?”

“Yeah, okay… Um, we’re at Black Spot… And, uh— Hunk… Hunk, would you— No, grab him! Jesus… “

“What happened?” His sigh is heavy as he closes the door behind him after giving Floyd a curt wave, already headed toward his car. The Black Spot never means anything good, ever. Why his boyfriend so loves the town’s shadiest bar is beyond Lance; he doesn’t exactly find peeling paint and stained floor boards charming. And the muscled biker guys that do nothing but take up space at the bar to glower at the assorted whiskeys along the wall and ramble about their Navy days— or something like that— don’t exactly put Lance in the partying mood.

“Lotor happened.”

“Oh, God…” Lance drags a hand down his face before pinching the bridge of his nose.

He doesn’t need context. Any instance in which Lance’s current boyfriend and Lance’s ex-boyfriend are in the same room usually results in disaster. And a night in the E.R. And, lo and behold, by some cruel twist of fate, these disasters are becoming more and more frequent in recent months. Lance is half convinced that they’re destined to kill each other, like Lotor is Tybalt and Keith is a far less flamboyant Mercutio. Lance refuses to be the Benvolio in this situation. “Just stay put. I’ll be there in a sec.”

A near collision and a half-assed parallel parking job later, Lance walks himself outside the bar, feeling exceptionally underdressed as the Winter weather dusts over his arms. He has to push himself through a crowd of people waiting to be let in by the bouncer before he sees a head of familiar wild hair. In her NASA sweatshirt and minimalist alien hat, Pidge looks like she belongs at a performance art showcase rather than a night out on the town, but Lance is too exhausted to comment on his friends’ poor fashion decisions. Even if that Hawaiian shirt is so not Hunk’s color.

Instead, his focus shifts onto his leather-clad boyfriend, and rather than point out the fact he looks like a Danny Zuko knock-off with a red beanie and black baby gauges in his ears, he steps forward with his arms crossed instead.

“Hey, Lance,” Pidge sighs, sounding somewhat relieved. Hunk is a bit busy grabbing at Keith’s shoulder every time he tries to take a step toward the street. Handling a Drunk Keith is like— as Keith would say in True Texan Spirit— herding cats.

“Hey,” Lance says briskly, marching passed Pidge to strap a hand on the collar of Keith’s jacket. “Lemme see.”

Keith huffs and turns his head, looking utterly indifferent as Lance’s eyes widen.

“Shit, Keith…” He squints a little, scanning over his boyfriend’s busted lip and the fresh patch of bruises, purples, blues, and reds bleeding from underneath one eye, across the bridge of his nose, and all the way under his other eye.

“It’s not that bad,” Keith slurs, holding up a wavering hand.

“Not that—!” Lance has to close his eyes and suck in a breath through his nose, counting to ten just like Mama McClain taught him, before he can open his eyes again. But his glare doesn’t disappear.

“Sorry, man,” Hunk all but mewls beside him, rubbing at the back of his neck in a flustered fashion. “I tried to pull them off of each other as soon as I could.”

“It’s not your fault, big guy,” Lance assures, turning to his best friend with a soft smile before glaring right back at his boyfriend. “It’s yours.”

“Why is it that all of a sudden—” Keith starts, but Lance knows better than to let him divert Lance’s attention.

“There’s no way Lotor with his pretty boy hands was the only culprit. Who the hell were you picking a fight with this time?”

Keith chews at the inside of his cheek, opting to take out his pent up anger on the ground as he fixes it with a fiery glare.

Pidge steps in for him then, pushing her circle glasses further up her nose. “The usual suspects.”

“Great,” Lance grumbles, never breaking his staring contest with Keith’s profile. “So now you wanna take on Lotor and his frat buddies. All of whom are very rich… And can hire very. Good. Attorneys.”

“Lance.” Hunk sets a hand on Lance’s back, offering a sympathetic look that makes Lance’s hunched shoulders deflate. “I know you’re mad, but do you really wanna do this out here?”

It’s then that Lance realizes he’s making a scene, the crowd of people on the street gawking in their direction. And he also realizes that it’s making Keith antsy. That’s apparent in the way he starts shifting his shoulders in every which way and pales a little in the face.

“We’re the ones who let your boyfriend off his leash,” Pidge admits, saying “your boyfriend” like he’s now completely Lance’s responsibility. Saying it like she hasn’t been Keith’s best friend since the fifth grade.

Lance fishes his car keys from his back pocket, still trying to cool off from the anger burning something fierce in his chest. “You guys enjoy the rest of your night, okay? I’m gonna take Keith back to the apartment.”

“Are you sure? We can come with you,” Hunk offers, the concern never leaving his eyes for a moment.

“No, seriously, it’s fine. Besides, I thought I saw a familiar little curly girly named Shay head into that other bar a couple blocks from here.”

Hunk reddens just a little, but nods in agreement as Pidge makes some complaint about being a third wheel. In a mess of goodbyes and repeatedly reaching for Keith’s hand— his opposition to PDA is counterproductive given that he can’t walk by himself without stumbling— Lance finally gets the chance to unlock his car and slide into the driver’s seat. Keith flops down into the passenger’s seat next to him, pulling one leg up to rest his foot on the polyester as he plays absently with the laces on his high tops.

The drive home is silent, mostly because Lance can’t think of a decent lecture that won’t end in a two-way silent treatment, something that’s proven to be agonizing given they’re the only two living in a one-bedroom apartment. After Lance parks, helps Keith climb the stairs, and fumbles with the key in the lock, Keith finds a spot in their too small kitchen, sliding down the lower cabinets to sit cross-legged on the floor. Because apparently he’s a household pet.

Lance rifles through the freezer, snagging a bag of whatever’s packaged and frozen before all but chucking it onto one of Keith’s thighs. Keith seems to get the message, picking it up and hesitantly pressing it to his multi-colored face. Lance finds the place on the floor across from his boyfriend and sits back on his thighs, staring. For a long while, the only sounds in the room are the hum of the refrigerator and their neighbor’s dog yipping through the walls.

“Are we gonna talk about this?” Lance says it more rhetorically than anything.

Keith swallows hard, trying to cover up half of his face with vegetable medley. His voice is muffled by the plastic when he says, “About what?”

Lance rolls his eyes, shaking his head. He has half the mind to storm off into the bedroom and leave Keith to tend to his own wounds. But being a middle sibling of six has taught him patience if nothing else, so he counts to ten again. “About why your face looks like a Goya painting,” he deadpans.

Keith fidgets under Lance’s gaze. His knuckles would be white if they weren’t bruised too. “You know how your asshole ex is.”

“Keith, you have got to pull your head out of the Middle Ages! I’m not some damsel in distress whose honor you have to defend.” Though Lance would admit it was hot the first time… But seeing Keith beat up with dried blood caked all over his features every other weekend is starting to look less suave and James Deany and more thoughtless.

Keith drops the bag of frozen vegetables. Then his nose twitches. To the untrained eye, it would go unnoticed, but Lance has been dating him for two years and three months. And a nose twitch means that Keith’s hiding something.

“But this has nothing to do with that, does it?”

“Lance, would you just let it go—”

“Okay, fine. You want me to let this one go? Then we can talk about last week. Or the week before that. Or the week before that.”

Keith tries for a glare then, a practiced stare that looks like flames are licking at his irises, but Lance is immune from prolonged exposure.

“And I know you’re not that drunk, so let’s not act like this was impulse alone.”

When Keith shrugs off his jacket and tosses it across the room, Lance sees that the bruises aren’t just on his face. His heart jumps up to his throat as the sound of the ice machine crunches in the background.

“Would you just tell me why you’re being more of a brooding edgelord than usual? Why do you have to be so emotionally constipated?” He places either hand on Keith’s shoulders, looking him dead in the eye. “Let me be your laxative.”

“You really have a knack for making up the world’s most disgusting metaphors.”

“It’s a gift. I’m thinking of turning it into a career path.”

“Stick to astrophysics.”

“Stop changing the subject.” It’s clear that neither of them is budging, so Lance just arches a brow and asks, “Do I have to call Shiro?”

Keith slams his back further into the cabinets with a groan. The older brother card is always the trump card. “Do not tell Shiro about this, please. I’m still getting lectures about my stupid cafeteria fights in high school.”

“Then tell me what’s going on! I thought when we said we were gonna be more open with each other, it was gonna be a two-way street. Correct me if I’m wrong.”

“Nothing’s going on, Lance, okay? I hate your ex-boyfriend and his stupid frat bro sidekicks, and I shouldn’t have had that last shot of moonshine, alright?”

While it is incredibly tempting to comment on the moonshine bit, Lance holds off. Because something else catches his eye. Crossing his arms over his chest, he refuses to break eye contact, giving Keith just a few more moments to tell him the truth. The clock ticks away, and there’s nothing. “You’re biting your lip,” he says finally.

“So?”

“So, one, stop it; it’s busted and you’re gonna hurt yourself. And two, that means you’re not telling me something.”

“Would you quit psychoanalyzing me!?”

Patience be damned. Something in Lance snaps then, something that makes his teeth grind and heat bubble in his chest. His fists tremble a little before he throws his hands out to his sides and starts getting to his feet. “Fine, you know what? Fine. Forget I asked. God forbid someone try to care about you, Keith, damn.”

He steps to leave, but as soon as he does, Keith clasps a hand onto his wrist and pulls just a little. The moment Lance turns his head, eyes sharp with ice and prickling rage, he feels his heart jump. The anger slowly trickles out of his system, sending a shiver down his spine. Keith looks a little broken, shoulders squared and eyes pleading in a way that’s so unlike him it makes something in the back of Lance’s head scream.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just… You’re gonna think I’m bat-shit.”

Lance exhales low and deep, turning fully and sitting back down across from Keith. He sets a gentle hand on Keith’s knee, trying to get him to make eye contact. “Try me.”

Keith’s mental illness has been the elephant in the room, always noticed but never talked about. Because Keith refused to talk about it. It took a full year’s convincing, mostly on Shiro’s end, just to get him to start seeing help. Some days he was a mess of the emotions he never learned how to process, and Lance would try his best to be there for him. Other days were better. Other days he was just silent and spacey and tried not to cry.

“No one knows this, okay? Not even Shiro, not even my goddamn shrink, so you can’t…” He trails off, and Lance tries to squeeze his knee in support.

“Keith… Keith, look at me…” When Keith looks up, his eyes are growing misty, pink rings already apparent on the brims of his eyes. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Offering a weak nod, Keith takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he forces himself to speak. “I just… I thought that maybe… Y’know how sometimes people… I don’t know, I thought if I was… Fuck.” He holds up his hands before Lance can say anything, blinking away whatever tears form in his eyes before he lets out a breath and continues. “I thought if I could feel, I don’t know, pain… If I could feel anything I’d stop feeling like…” Keith clamps his teeth down on his lower lip again. Whatever tears he blinks away only come back.

Lance sighs, reaching out his thumb to slip Keith’s lip from his teeth’s grasp. “Keith, you can cry—”

“No, I can’t,” Keith starts, though his voice trembles despite himself. “Because if I start I won’t stop. And I just— Fuck, I just need to say it.” Lance can practically feel the frustration radiating off of the other in waves. With a steady breath, he takes a hand in Keith’s, holding it to his chest and letting Keith know he has Lance’s full attention. Keith hisses in another breath and tries again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me… Lately, it’s just like, like nothing is fucking real, and I can talk and hear and touch things, but it’s like I’m not really there. Like I’m in some weird dream world, and I’m just watching myself or something. Or like everything’s not really there, or maybe it is, and I’m just not a part of it… I don’t know, it feels like I’m going insane.”

“Keith…” Lance doesn’t know where to go from there, watching his boyfriend struggle around his words with a pain sinking into Lance’s chest.

“Sometimes I don’t think I even sound like me… Like when I talk, it’s some kind of automated computer message, y’know? And I went home for Christmas. And I thought… I don’t know, I thought being home and in my own bed might make me feel normal again. But it didn’t. And nothing feels normal, nothing feels… Damn it, I’m going insane.” That’s when Keith’s face twists, twists into something that’s a punch to Lance’s gut. And Keith is squinting his eyes closed, sniffling loudly before a sob emits from his throat.

“You know… You don’t have to be so strong all the time…” Lance says in a whisper, tucking a strand of Keith’s hair behind his ear.

Keith looks up at him, eyes watery as he sobs again, pressing his face into Lance’s chest. Lance wraps his arms around him instinctively, feeling Keith shake, choking and whimpering against him. Lance can only hold him closer, shushing him tenderly as Keith claws at the back of Lance’s shirt, gripping onto the fabric like he’ll disappear if he doesn’t. Each broken little noise that leaves Keith is another twist in Lance’s heart, and he doesn’t dare let go.

“It’s okay, you’re okay…” Lance coos, pressing tender kisses on the top of Keith’s hair. “You’re okay, baby… You’re okay…”

Keith doesn’t stop weeping, not until his throat is raw and all he can do is let silent tears roll down his cheeks as he snivels and tries to breathe normally again.

By the time he leans back, sniffling and rubbing under his eyes with the back of his palm, there’s a wet patch on Lance’s T-shirt. Lance doesn’t mind, too busy trying to read Keith’s expression, setting a hand on the back of his neck.

“Do you feel any better?” Lance asks softly, ducking his head into Keith’s line of sight.

Keith nods his head slowly, wiping his nose with the white cotton of his T-shirt with another wet snivel. “Sorry about your shirt.”

Lance snorts, rolling his eyes just a little. “I have other shirts.”

“Yeah.” Keith’s breath shudders once more as he collects himself and blinks the wetness from his puffy eyes, tears caught on his eyelashes. “I’m just sorry I—”

“No. No… We agreed no more apologizing about this.”

“No, you said ‘Keith, stop apologizing every time you cry.’”

“Okay, smartass.” Lance rises to his feet, offering his hands and pulling Keith up along with him. With a steady breath, he places a gentle kiss on the corner of Keith’s lips, mindful to avoid the forming scab. “Thank you… For sharing that with me.”

Keith nods solemnly, probably thinking something snarky about how Lance is talking like his therapist. So Lance goes for a subject change, placing his hands at the base of Keith’s neck.

“How about you wash your face and pick out a movie, alright?”

They spend the rest of the night tangled up in each other, Lance refusing to move his arms from Keith’s waist even as Keith awkwardly holds an icepack to his face. Eventually, they drift to sleep, heart beats pumping in time while Lance tries his best to whisper words of comfort.

“I love you… And you’re here. Even if your mind’s playing tricks on you. You’re here, and you’re with me. And I love you…”

#klangstweek2017 #mental illness tw #depersonalisation tw #klangst #klance #voltron #my writing #look at me not abusing italics this time!!

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