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honekitteh · 4 years

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Fic: Countdown - Chapter 9

Fandom: SWTOR Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Rating: M Genre: Angst, H/C, Romance, Canon-Typical Violence, Humor, Canon-typical levels of poor decision-making Synopsis: A distress call leads the Jedi Battlemaster to Ziost, but time is running out. Follows the storyline of The Rise of the Emperor and inserts missing scenes. Author's Notes: Thank you to @storyknitter for giving this chapter a once over. You have no idea how much that means to me! Warnings: See Chapter 1

Across the din of Carrick Station, the pounding of my heart was the only sound I could focus on as I approached the cantina in the center of the promenade. I took a deep breath and sank into its rhythm, matching my steps to each thump. My eyes flickered between each patron in the cantina, focusing every so often on an individual: There was a blindfolded Miralukan at the bar, sipping on a light blue beverage, tilting his head ever so slightly towards the commotion behind him. A hulking Devaronian was talking loudly to a tiny greenish skinned Twi'lek, who shrank at each word as though struck by a heavy blow. Another man, a brown-haired thin human in a brown nondescript vest, slid up next to the Miralukan, also taking note of the loud display.

It was far livelier than I had expected, but my knowledge of bar etiquette could leave a lot to be desired. Though I’m sure Doc would kindly tell me that the station’s cantina is tame compared to other planets. But that is a pondering for another time.

Sure enough, my target was precisely where I’d expected him. It felt like a lifetime ago when we just met briefly to discuss the business dealings of a... mutual friend who had been acting suspicious. I fidgeted with my button-up shirt, trying to pull it down as it did not completely cover my stomach. I was not normally self-conscious about it, given my typical attire, but this was different: the station had a chill to the air that I hadn’t accounted for. After straightening the shirt and brown vest, I took a quick glance at myself in the reflection of a pillar nearby. The vest and shirt combo, along with the dual-wielding belt, made me more like a gunslinger than a Jedi. Kira had been quite insistent that I should not look like a Jedi if I’m going on a date. Was this a date? I suppose it was. After all, I didn’t even have my weapons on me. I figured should an incident occur, I’ll just rely on my wits and the Force to come up with a solution.

It was a pity I always had to think in such a way. I’m sure all contingencies had been taken into account. I took a step in the aforementioned direction, keeping my senses open and my guard up. As I slid into the seat across from Theron Shan, I raised an eyebrow and glanced over the slightly unbuttoned henley underneath his trademark red jacket. “So…” I began, “About that rain check.”

His eyes didn’t leave my own as I settled into my seat, his brow furrowing only slightly before his gaze softened. His left arm was relaxed propped up along the top of the booth he was slouched into. “I’ve got a bit of time,” he began after a moment, crossing his legs, “Borrowed time, so not a whole lot, but should be enough to share a drink.”

I returned his studying gaze, glancing to the shirt he was wearing and the hint of flesh beneath the buttons, then back up to his eyes. “Is that a new shirt?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah. You like it?”

“Is nice,” I said softly, my voice trailing off the rest of my thoughts as I inadvertently got lost in a lingering glance again towards the shirt’s opening.

He gave me a small wink and motioned towards the tiny Twi'lek over at the bar. She quickly made her way towards us, away from the now-shouting Devaronian with a grateful expression.

“Ever tried Mandalorian kri’gee?” Theron asked.

I tilted my head, curious. “No? A drink?”

He smirked. “Are you even a drinker?”

“I… partake… on occasion.”

He looked up at the Twi'lek, who was shaking her head towards me with her eyes wide. He tapped his finger on his mouth. “This might not be the drink for a beginner.”

I looked between the two, frowning. “I am not some delicate flower that needs protecting!”

His grin grew larger at my protest, then gave the Twi'lek waitress a wink holding up two fingers. She nodded subserviently, though giving me a glance of what could only be described as concern. Her trip to the bar was uneventful as she obtained the drinks, the earlier rowdy Devaronian nowhere to be seen. Neither the Miralukan nor the human were still at the bar either.

Theron remained alert as we waited, eyes scanning the crowd. The silence between us only served to amplify the heartbeat pounding in my ears and the server seemed to have run all the way to Mandalore to retrieve our order.

Soon enough, however, she returned and set the bottle in front of us with two glasses. She murmured the customary acknowledgment of our thanks in Huttese and asked us if there was anything else we needed to let her know. I nodded to her and asked simply for a menu while Theron skillfully poured the Mandalorian kri’gee into two glasses and slid the small tumbler over to me.

He raised his glass and tilted his head. “Anything to toast?” he asked.

I considered for a moment and raised my glass. “To a rain check.”

He smiled at me for that and nodded. “A rain check.” Then we both downed the glasses in one gulp.

I coughed and sputtered a few times as a fire raged through my senses. I could feel Theron’s amusement at my suffering before I heard his laugh.

“Want another?” he asked within the midst of his laughter.

I slid along the rounded bench closer to him and punched him in the shoulder before he could react. The leather of his jacket creaked at the amount of pressure and a small crease was left behind.

He straightened his coat a bit. “Hitting on me already?” he laughed.

I hit him again, finding myself giggling just a bit. “I’m tempted to say ‘Challenge Accepted’ but I sense that might be an unwise decision on an empty stomach.”

He was watching me with a smirk. Whether he was amused by my comment or watching me to see how the alcohol was going to affect me, I could not tell. After a moment of great consideration, he stated, “True. Very unwise. Very unbecoming for a lady of your station.”

“You’re the one that suggested… this… this...” I waved at the bottle, “Thing. Are you trying to get me drunk, Theron Shan?”

“Me?” he asked, putting a hand on his chest in what could only be described as mock hurt, “I would never. It is not my fault you decided to take my drink challenge on an empty stomach.”

The waitress slid a menu in front of me and I looked down at it for a brief second before Theron slid it away from me and pointed towards an item on the menu. I frowned a bit and took the menu back as the waitress left and looked down at it.

“Dumplings. You have a fondness for them if I remember correctly,” he explained.

I tilted my head at him. “Street food festival on Coruscant. Before you sent me in to almost drown on Manaan. I remember.”

“Hey, you made it out…” he pouted slightly, sliding his hand over mine which was resting on top of the menu.

“Can’t say it was an altogether terrible experience.”

“Are your ears red from the drink?” He was smirking at me.

While indeed, the kri’gee had completely gone straight to my head, it wasn’t like I was going to let him in on that. Not willingly at least. “What?”

“You’re blushing from something and it’s gone to your ears.” He moved his hand from where it had been on top of mine and brushed his fingers lightly along the outer edge of my right ear.

I shivered at the touch of his finger and bit my lip. I looked over at him and studied him closely. Sure enough, his cheeks and ears had a slightly reddish tint to them as well. “Excuse me? Look who’s talking.” I punched him in his shoulder. “Your face isn’t any better.”

He shrugged leaning back and resting both of his arms along the top of the booth seat. “It’s obviously a side effect of the kri’gee. I’m not the one who’d never had it before.”

“I should throw something at you.”

“Violence also seems to be a side effect of the kri’gee in some people,” he said, rubbing his chin for a moment in thought.

How had I not noticed that he’d grown out his typical 5 o’clock shadow into a quarter of an inch beard before? I blame the henley. The way the light fabric and unbuttoned shirt laid on him was extremely distracting.

His musing continued, “Maybe that’s why Mandalorians like it as part of their celebrations. Definitely something to investigate.”

I pursed my lips at him, debating a retort. Given that the one that popped in my mind was a stab at him being on administrative leave, I opted against it and decided to attempt a menacing glare.

“Are you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Glaring at you menacingly. Is it working?”

He tried to smother a grin, the corners of his lips twitching upward despite his effort, and said softly, “So cute.”

I pouted. “Cute isn’t intimidating.”

He shook his head. “No. No indeed it is not.”

The Twi'lek waitress returned and set down a very large plate of dumplings. I felt a small rumble in my stomach as I realized exactly how hungry I was.

“Jyana,” Theron stated softly, “Are you already drunk?”

“No…” Then I hiccupped. I felt my ears heating up again as I sighed. “... Maybe.”

“After one drink huh…” he stated. He took one of the dumplings from the platter and offered it to me. “Have some food,” he smiled and lowered his voice to a whisper. “I won’t tell anyone.”

I gave him a dubious glance and reached to take the dumpling from him with his hand. He pulled it back and shook his head. I furrowed my brow in frustration and confusion, then looked up at him, still holding it out for me. Oh. I then leaned in cautiously and allowed him to feed me the first dumpling.

He winked at me and grabbed one for himself.

“Which dumplings did you get?” I asked as I picked up a different one. “Or did you order a variety?”

“I told her to surprise us.”

I furrowed my brow. “I did not notice you actually saying anything other than pointing at the menu?”

“There are many different languages, you know,” he said raising an eyebrow, “Some of which are not verbal.”

“Huh, so like thieves cant or something like that? I think that’s what it was called.”

He nodded a bit. “Something like that. Not something they teach at the temple?”

“Oh, they offer it should some desire to learn,” I said, “My skills laid elsewhere.”

“You do excel at what you do,” he smiled and took his second dumpling.

I smiled a bit and scratched the back of my neck, before frowning a bit. I felt a nudge lightly and then looked back over to him.

“None of that,” he whispered. “And you’re red again. That is definitely a fascinating development.”

I sighed heavily and gave him a half-hearted punch to his shoulder. “You stop that.”

He rubbed his shoulder lightly with a pout. “Want another drink?”

I stared, dubious, at the bottle of kri’gee. Before I answered though, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck raise lightly. “Theron?”

“Hm?”

“Are we being watched?”

“Human? Brown hair? Brown vest? Fairly unremarkable otherwise?”

I pursed my lips at the description. “Yes.”

“Dammit.” Theron slid slightly away from me in the seat.

I raised my eyebrow at him.

He fidgeted and bit his lip. Something told me that he hadn’t accounted for this particular contingency. He took a deep breath and stated quickly, “Act casual.”

I simply replied, “I don’t understand,” because I didn’t.

Before he could respond, the man in question had slid onto the edge of the bench next to Theron. “Shan,” he drawled out, “When were you going to introduce me to your friend?”

“Balkar,” he growled.

I raised an eyebrow between the both of them and reached for my empty glass and looked down at it, frowning.

“Jonas Balkar, SIS,” the newcomer continued, “An old friend of Agent Shan’s here.”

“An old annoyance is more like it.”

Jonas waved Theron’s comment off. He then studied the bottle in front of us. “Mandalorian kri’gee? Wow, Theron, that’s your idea for the first drink of the night?”

“And you have a better idea?”

Giving Theron a pointed look that clearly impled, “Of course I do, you idiot,” he shrugged and flagged the waitress down. “Allow me,” he said, exchanging a few hand gestures upon her arrival. She nodded and went back to the bartender. He looked back at us. “So: no introductions?”

Before I even opened my mouth to respond, Theron quickly stated, “What do you want, Balkar?”

“I was just in the area. Saw you here. Thought I’d say hello. Pity you won’t introduce me to the lady.” He reached his hand towards me.

Theron put his hand on top of Jonas’ before the latter could take my hand with his. This time, I interrupted Theron’s objections and scooted closer to both of them. “Jyana is fine. Old friends, huh?”

Jonas’s smile broadened and he nodded. “We go way back.”

Theron slumped into his seat and looked back across the cantina. His eyes flickered between each currently visible patron. I followed his gaze and noticed that Kira had taken up residence at the bar next to a Mirialan lady in casual attire.

“I could tell you so many stories.”

“Oh?” I leaned in, definitely intrigued. The waitress returned and put a large light green beverage in front of me. The rim of the glass was lined with brightly-colored rainbow salt and there was a holographic umbrella in it. I studied the drink before slowing reaching for it.

Theron halted my attempt. “Give me a moment,” he muttered.

“What, you don’t trust me?” Jonas laughed.

I looked between the two, curiously. Theron sighed and let me take it. I slowly sipped the drink, finding it surprisingly fruity.

“With everything I do for you, Shan, a little trust sometime would be nice.”

“Like the last time you got me captured and my implants almost stolen?”

“That was just that one time. And I’d given you plenty of reports so you would have been aware had you just read them.”

“Right,” he sighed and looked over at me. The waitress set down a pair of tumblers filled with an amber liquid on ice in front of the two agents.

“I feel like there’s a story here,” I stated after taking another sip of the fruity monstrosity.

“Oh there definitely is, but sadly a great deal of that is classified,” Jonas said.

I raised an eyebrow, but opted to leave out the part that there was a great possibility that my clearance level in some respects exceeded his own. But I was not entirely sure how much the term Battlemaster weighed within the SIS, nor was I inclined to find out. Theron seemed to want to keep who I was secret, and if I was completely honest, I wanted to be discreet as well.

“I could tell you a great story that involves a goat,” he continued.

Theron quickly cut him off, “And we’re done here.”

“A goat?” I asked.

“Excuse me?” a familiar voice cut through the conversation. I looked up to find Kira and the Mirialan woman from the bar standing in front of the table. Theron tilted his head at the intrusion and then a smirk crossed his lips.

“Hello ladies,” Jonas replied, “Having a fine evening?”

“Well, you see, this lovely lady beside me here has been waiting for some,” Kira paused a bit and looked at her companion, “Jonas Balkar was it?”

“Yes, Jonas,” the green-skinned lady nodded.

“Yes. She’s been waiting for quite some time. Perhaps you all could help us find him?”

“He’s right here,” Theron spoke up, nudging the Agent beside him.

“Oh? Well how lucky are we then,” Kira grinned. “Pity though. I told her that if he didn’t show up, I’d happily spend some time with her.”

The Mirialan grinned, “Kira does seem to be far more entertaining company.”

“I would definitely not neglect you by bothering other patrons of the cantina.”

“Now ladies,” Jonas interrupted and got up out of the booth, taking his glass with him, “I’m sure I can come to some more fascinating arrangement.” He started to lead them both away from Theron and me.

Kira peeked back over her shoulder and winked.

“Huh, he was supposed to be meeting someone himself,” Theron mused to himself.

I raised an eyebrow over at him. “Are you filing this away for later?”

“Absolutely.”

I shook my head with a laugh. “I suppose I’m not supposed to ask you about the goat?”

Theron’s expression of mirth melted into one of dread. “Please don’t.”

“Aw,” I pouted slightly, “It sounds funny.”

He grumbled and took a long sip of his own beverage.

“Fine. I won’t.” I elbowed him in his arm. “Lighten up. The night is still yet young.”

He nudged me back and then smirked. “More dumplings then?”

“Yes.” I nodded, taking one of the still warm dumplings from the platter and offering it to him. “Very much yes.”

#thewipproject2020 #swtor fanfiction #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #fic: countdown #ziost #swtor: rise of the emperor #swtor #fanfic #oh look #in time for #theron thursday

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honekitteh · 5 years

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I am so excited to show off the commission I just got from @soddingcloudgazer. I love it so much!

Most of my more eloquent words of thanks have been muddled into squeals of glee and may have to wait til I’ve had my morning caffeine.

So happy with how this turned out. Thank you so much!

#awesome art #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #soddingcloudgazer #commissioned #swtor #eeeeeeeeee

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honekitteh · 4 years

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Tagged by @elveny - thanks for the tag

This chapter is almost done, so here WIP of Countdown | Read on AO3 - “Promise”

"Are we being watched?”

“Human? Brown hair? Brown vest? Fairly unremarkable otherwise?”

I pursed my lips at the description. “Yes.”

“Dammit.” Theron slid slightly away from me in the seat.

I raised my eyebrow at him.

He fidgeted and bit his lip. Something told me he hadn’t accounted for this particular contingency. He took a deep breath and stated quickly, “Act casual.”

I simply replied, “I don’t understand,” because I didn’t.

Before he could respond, the man in question had slid onto the edge of the bench next to Theron. “Shan,” he drawled out, “When were you going to introduce me to your friend?”

“Balkar,” he growled.

I raised an eyebrow between the both of them and reached for my empty glass and looked down at it, frowning.

“Jonas Balkar, SIS,” the newcomer continued, “An old friend of Agent Shan’s here.”

“An old annoyance is more like it.”

Open tag for anyone who is interested!

#thewipproject2020 #swtor fanfiction #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #swtor #fanfic #wip meme #wip wednesday #thanks for tagging <3 #elveny #this is almost ready #almost #soon

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honekitteh · 5 years

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I commissioned this piece from @hoiist and I absolutely love it!

(I am glad no one was around when i squealed)

#awesome art #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #commissioned #hoiist #swtor #eeeeeeeeeee

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honekitteh · 5 years

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Look at this amazing art I commissioned from @commander-sarahs-art . It's so awesome!

#awesome art #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #commander sarah #commissioned #swtor #eeeeeeeeeee

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honekitteh · 4 years

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Fic: Countdown - Chapter 8

Theron Shan was talking to his mother on the holo as I entered the room, I stayed slightly out of view and allowed him to finish.

“Understood. Thank you.” He shut off the holo and gripped the edge of the console, looking down. “Thank you…” he murmured.

“What was that about?” I asked cautiously, hoping to not have an accusation in my voice.

He looked defeated as he responded. “Master Surro. She went catatonic for a while—now she’s responsive. Not in the greatest shape, but they say it’s promising.”

Without really thinking, I found myself responding, “She knew the risks going in, Theron. You have to remember that.”

“It’s one thing to know it’s true in your head…”

I nodded in understanding and glanced down as the memories of everything I’d done while under the Emperor’s influence years ago flooded to the surface, the feeling of the dark side and reveling in it and its power. Every so often, these feelings would wash over me like it was yesterday, just yesterday when I stopped and snapped to reality before I saw Kira strapped to that torture device. The nightmares still haunted, lurking behind my conscious thoughts. Up until the death of Ziost ran over me like a rampaging bantha, the memory had faded, replaced by more pleasant memories. But the nightmares remained… infrequent, but never truly gone.

For a brief moment I remembered telling him of my own experiences with the Emperor. How gentle his hands were as he cradled my face as I spoke to him about it. How soft his voice was in that moment. How the breeze blew around us over the Yavin cliff, leading to the jungle below. Leading to where I had needed to go. How I wished to stay in his arms at that moment. How I wished to be in his arms now, but I could sense his own exhaustion. He was right… it is one thing to know it’s true in your head. I didn’t want to point out the fact that she is going to have to live with those nightmares for the rest of her life, no matter what healing they could give her on Tython: he didn’t need more guilt on top of what he already had.

Another burden I will bear.

He had turned to face me and continued. “Saresh finally saw reason before things got too bad, got a bunch of our troops out of there—still, we lost so many, nevermind the rest of Ziost.”

I tried not to wince as he mentioned Ziost. Tried to push down the feeling of complete failure that tried to crush me. This conversation wasn’t about me. He had his own pain to deal with. He didn’t need mine too.

He sighed as he continued, “Add to all that, that I found out that Agent Kovach was actually working for Saresh this whole time.”

I looked down and took a deep breath. “I know. I overheard him talking to Saresh back on Ziost.”

Theron growled, “You did?” I involuntarily winced. “And you…” He stopped, looked at my face and then sighed looking down. “Makes sense I guess. It… It wasn’t the best time to sort all that out.”

“I didn’t intentionally…”

“I know. Sorry… this has been rough for all of us, I guess.”

“What’s Kovach’s status now?”

Theron shrugged. “Far as I know, he’s still pretending to work under Lana and reporting to Saresh. Anyway, it’s all out of my hands now. Suppose I shouldn’t even be here, technically.” I tilted my head as he explained. “Saresh and Master Satele weren’t all that excited to find out I had a team of black ops Jedi on call without their knowledge. I’m on administrative leave—indefinitely.”

I frowned. I understood the reasoning, but Theron wasn’t really the sort to be very comfortable sitting on his hands and doing nothing. “Forget about the SIS. I could use someone like you at my side.” As soon as the words left my mouth I almost cursed myself. Well that isn’t awkward at all.

He chuckled, looking slightly grateful, but instead responded, “I’m sure.” He paused for a bit and I wasn’t sure if he noticed my slight fidget. “Growing up, I had an idea of who and what I would be. In a lot of ways, that didn’t happen, but in the ways that matter…” he looked up at me, offering a small smile. “What I’m saying is, I belong with the SIS. I’m not throwing in the towel.”

I nodded, then thought for a moment. “Why don’t we pay a visit to the station cantina—for old times’ sake?”

Theron picked himself off the console he’d been leaning on and walked towards me. “I’ll have to take a rain check, but…” He reached out, cupping my face with warm, calloused hands, and kissed me softly. I hadn’t realized he wasn’t wearing his gloves, so the touch of his skin on mine startled me before I eased into the sensation of his tongue lightly brushing against mine as our mouths were merged. I sensed his exhaustion and untreated injuries and understood. As he pulled back, he smiled at me, and lowered his voice and rested his head on my forehead, “I might be persuaded another time.”

I fought against the small ache I felt, the one that didn’t want him to let go. How at that one moment I longed to just stay right here, or perhaps just with him, in his arms. In some sort of odd sort of safety that I didn’t truly expect to feel. I didn’t really want nor need much more than just this. But the time was not right, not for either of us.

We parted; his fingers slowly lingering as they brushed my arms as he pulled away. He gave a weak smile and turned, walking towards the door and then paused to look up at the ceiling. “I should have reached out to you sooner,” he continued. “Whatever’s next, whatever insanity comes our way… I won’t make that mistake again.” He looked back to me. “May the Force be with you.”

I watched as he left the briefing room on Carrick Station. Another time I might have taken a glance downward to appreciate the view. However, all my training couldn’t hold back the dampness that began to pool in the corner of my eyes. His guilt, while I tried to encourage him otherwise, reflected my own. I turned and braced my hands against the holo console, where his had once been. And for the first time, since… I honestly cannot remember if it was some point after that first failed attempt against the Emperor or a little more recent than that… but perhaps the first time in quite a long time… I allowed myself to cry.

After a time, I turned to leave the room, ignoring a nagging sense that I wasn’t alone. I ran into a wall of Theron Shan, standing awkwardly out of the door, who then proceeded to wrap me tightly into a hug.

“I thought you had to go?” I choked out.

“I do, but that Sith was insistent... I get it now. I’m sorry.”

I wrapped my arms tighter around him, burying my face into his chest, “Don’t…”

He ran his fingers lightly down my back in a continuous motion. A few times I felt him about to speak, but he didn’t for a time. Something beeped on his wrist and I felt him sigh heavily. “Raincheck… I promise…” he said and kissed me on the forehead.

I just nodded and let him go. He offered a weak smile and motioned for me to head out first. As I did, Lord Scourge was just standing at the outside of the lift, waiting, staring at Theron with an unreadable expression.

“Right,” he paused, staring at the Sith pureblood in his way.

I sighed, “Let him go, Scourge.”

The older man gave a glance to me first, then looked back at Theron. He slowly stepped aside, but did not lose eye contact with the younger man as he slid past. Theron gave me a slight wave and a small smile as he punched in his destination in the lift.

“You didn’t need to do that… I am fine…”

“First, Jyana, you are a terrible liar. Second, you need to take care of yourself.”

I pursed my lips, looking at the elder Sith.

“Third, he needed to look past himself too.”

“Do you feel your point was made?” I raised an eyebrow.

“For now. We will see.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Let’s get going. I have a feeling Master Satele or Saresh have an idea of where I can be useful…”

I could sense a slight bit of distaste from Lord Scourge as I mentioned the Chancellor, but he did not argue and we took the lift and headed back to the Defender.

“I wondered if I’d find you here.”

I looked up from my meditation perch on a bench in front of one of the many waterfalls near the Jedi Temple on Tython. Grandmaster Satele Shan stood behind me, her hands behind her back, face serene yet kind. Grey specks had multiplied in her brown hair since the last I’d seen her. “I suppose I have gotten predictable when I’m on Tython,” I responded and looked back towards the waterfall.

“Everyone needs to find peace on their own time. This seems to be yours.”

I nodded. Looking up at the waterfall, I sighed softly. “Change is annoyingly difficult.”

“There is some peace in predictable routines. Some things don’t need to change.”

“True enough.”

She allowed silence to linger for a few minutes. I closed my eyes to just listen to the water as it flowed into the streams below. It’d been a few months since Ziost ceased to be a living world, and though the nightmares still lingered, they no longer occurred every night. I took a couple trips back to Rishi, going to Master Orgus’ old house and trying to remember the paths that he had suggested I take. Help people out, do the little things. Heal the sick, fix people’s technology so that they don’t get flooded, tiny little things I could do. I kept my ear to the wire though. Tried to follow the reports as they came in. Any hints that another Ziost was in the works. But there had been silence.

It wasn’t as if Theron had access to that information to forward me right now as it was. Not that he’d reached out to me either.

“The anger seems to have passed,” the Grandmaster said softly.

“There is little need to dwell on what cannot be changed,” I sighed a bit.

“To which do you refer: The Chancellor or Theron?”

I shrugged. “Both.”

“You disagree with his punishment.”

“It isn’t my place,” I said shaking my head, “I am more concerned with the blame he places on himself.”

Satele tilted her head curiously but remained silent.

“If I could take his burden from him, I would. But it will make him stronger. A better man, I think.”

“You care for him,” she responded softly.

I took a deep breath. “I know what he’s going through,” I deflected, “I bear similar scars I feel.”

She studied me in silence for a moment. “Some scars are necessary.”

“It is our scars that make us. Our pain, our regrets. Our joy, our sorrow. What is, is. What will be, will. We cannot turn back time, and even if we could, would we truly make different decisions?”

Satele shook her head. “No, we wouldn’t.”

She turned to look over at the waterfalls I had been focused on. I wondered for a moment if she was fishing for something, choosing to stay where she was. I didn’t allow myself to dwell too much on that and opted to return to what I had come here to do. Close my eyes, focus on the sound of the rushing water, and let the tranquility of the moment wash over me.

Sometimes, in stillness, in quiet, one can find peace. With all my training, meditating at a temple just made me restless. The quiet produced a pounding hum that drowned out my own calm, while the white noise provided by a waterfall gave me something to focus my mind on. Soothe the shaking of my knee that the Masters always had commented on: A prodigy at combat but she couldn’t stay still with meditation. Once I had discovered waterfalls on that world, it had become easier.

It was hard to think of Master Satele or Master Orgus as younglings with youngling restlessness. I never felt they would truly understand me now. But maybe they would.

What I would give to hear his reassuring voice again.

Or at least, just a hug.

“Attachments can be dangerous.”

Though my eyes were closed, I could not entirely control the twitch my right eye made at Master Satele’s quiet words rang through my mind. I opened my mouth and closed it. The quick response originally coming to mind would not be helpful, so instead I took a deep breath and opted to say nothing. I tried to clear my mind to the flow of the water over the rocks, as opposed to the rushing torrent between my ears, threatening to turn my cheeks red. I had no way to be sure what she was talking about, no way to be sure if she meant Master Orgus, who I had been thinking about at the moment of her words, or on Theron. She didn’t need me to snipe about how she didn’t really have much of a right to lecture me about feelings for her son. I definitely did not need that either. I simply needed peace.

“He cares for you,” stated Satele, with a slight push to her tone.

I opened my eyes slowly and gave her a side glance. Her eyes were closed, as if she was attempting to focus on the waterfall as well, or some other item that gave her peace. I took another breath in and then out, slowly, trying to relax my own heart.

“Jyana,” she spoke firmly.

“I came here to find some peace and some focus,” I sighed heavily, “Not to hear a lecture about the Jedi Code or some concerns about ‘Attachments.’”

She sighed a bit. “No lecture. Just concern.”

Emptying myself of emotion never worked for me. My eyebrow twitched in slight irritation. I tried to soothe my emotions so they didn’t radiate out my sleeve as others did. But I didn’t like the concept of denying my feelings or emotions either. I felt if I denied how I felt — however it was that I did — that would be the easiest thing the Emperor could latch on and pull on me. It was just as much of a slippery slope as embracing them or letting them fuel me could be.

But while I could express my slightly controversial thoughts on emotions to myself, I wasn’t really sure how to articulate them properly out loud. As well as I probably was overthinking the implications that I would be putting upon the Grandmaster herself. She had a son. She had some feelings for Theron’s father to at least get to that point. She’d also had decades of practice of cutting herself out and shielding her own feelings from showing. Whether she took time to herself to let herself feel whatever it was that she did in privacy or not, I had no way of knowing.

But what I could tell was pretty evident: She was concerned. For her own son.

Master Satele frowned slightly, but did not speak.

“How is Master Surro’s recovery?” I asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

“Slow, but there has been progress. Have you tried to speak with her?”

“I offered, but I remind her too much of her failure.”

The Grandmaster nodded. “In time.”

“She knows how to reach me should her decision change.”

She nodded in response as well and looked back to me. Whatever it was she had considered saying, she didn’t end up speaking aloud. It was difficult to read what was going on in her thoughts through the Force, but that was perhaps by design. She just gave me a curt nod and then walked back to the Jedi Temple.

I looked back towards the waterfall, closing my eyes again. Trying to focus on the whirlwind of the water instead of the whirlwind of dust upon the Ziost surface in my mind. Trying to focus on the peace and calm around me as opposed to the frantically growing louder beeping at my side.

Beeping at my side...

I blinked and looked down at the beeping and blinking holocomm. Tilting my head at it as I looked at the sender, I opened it.

“Hey,” Theron Shan appeared, scratching the back of his neck.

My heart skipped a beat. “Theron?”

He offered a small smile, still scratching the back of his neck and giving a glance to the side before looking at me directly through the holo. “About that rain check?”

#swtor fanfiction #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #fic: countdown #ziost #swtor: rise of the emperor #swtor #fanfic

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honekitteh · 5 years

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Words to live by.

#jae's silly swtor shenanigans #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #swtor

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honekitteh · 4 years

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OC and Love Languages

I was tagged by @elveny a couple months ago (oops) - thank you so much!! ♥

I love “Love Languages!”

Open tag because I’m super delayed on this.

rules: find a gif that fits one of your OC’s main love languages (or 2 if you really can’t decide) and tag forward to others!

Jyana Kai

Jy’s love language is quality time. She just likes to be able to spend time with Theron, cause lord knows someone is a workaholic and doesn’t know how to take a break.

(that someone is her)

#swtor headcanon #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #thanks for tagging <3 #elveny #jae responds to tagging 15 minutes late with starbucks

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honekitteh · 5 years

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Fictober 2019, Day 24

Prompt number: 24, “Patience... is not something I’m known for.” Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR) Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Rating: M Warnings: None

“I want you to know,” Theron lowered his voice and moved closer to me, “I’ll do everything I can to keep things running smoothly around here.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So, you’ll take care of anyone who needs you?”

“Not just anyone,” he said and reached out and took my hand, almost tentatively. I gave him a smile and squeezed his hand. He looked at me and smiled. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to thaw you out. Look at all you’ve accomplished. Everyone who chose to rally behind you.” He looked down at my hand and closed his eyes for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it lightly then looked up at me into my eyes. “I haven’t been one of those ‘destiny’ people in a long time, but this? Sure feels like it.”

I was pretty sure my face was nearly as red as his jacket. Was that...? I took a deep breath and reached to his face, outlining his implants with my fingers. “If you mean being here with you, I agree.”

He reached to my face, pulling me forward, his lips finding mine. At first it was almost rough, then he softened and pulled back, staring me in my eyes. For a moment, it was like we were back on Rishi, that first moment he had kissed me. His eyes were just about as unreadable as they were then, but there seemed to be more there. Wonder, perhaps? Like he wasn’t really sure I was actually there in front of him. But it was hard to tell, because he didn’t seem to like giving my mind a lot of time to wander.

Almost as soon as the first kiss had ended, he took a breath and he kissed me again, harder, pulling me tight against his body. One of his hands ran down the length of my back and then firmly grabbed my butt. There was an almost guttural growl as his tongue met mine. If I was completely honest, I couldn’t quite tell if it was him or me.

He pulled back slowly, resting his head against mine. “It’s been a long five years...” he breathed lowly, before he moved and kissed just underneath my ear. He placed deliberate kisses along the side of my neck, causing me to shiver.

“Yeah...” The reality of his words took me a little while, but I wasn’t sure. “Er... wait.”

He stopped mid kiss. “Hm?”

“Really?”

“Really what?” He kissed my neck another time and nuzzled me with his nose.

“You...” I bit my lip, “You didn’t...”

He shook his head as he nuzzled my neck, his one hand on my ass holding onto it tightly. It didn’t really take a genius to sort out Theron’s thoughts before he admitted them aloud. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine. “Patience... is not something I’m known for.”

I smirked at him, snaking my own hands towards his belt. “Well then, we have a choice... give the fine people at the bar a show, or skip the party and go to our, er, my quarters.”

“Our?”

“If you want, I mean…”

“We’ll discuss that later. As to the party, I know my vote,” he said while returning my smirk with his own, “But you don’t want to go to the party?”

I let go of him, which caused him to pout slightly, but beckoned him to follow me. “It’ll be there when we’ve caught up,” I said with a wink.

He grinned. “You drive a hard bargain,” he said and followed me down to my quarters.

#fictober19 #swtor fanfiction #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #swtor: kotfe #swtor #fanfic #fitting for #theron thursday

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honekitteh · 5 years

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31. In awe, the first time you realised it

Theron watched as Kira left the old abandoned Jedi Temple on Coruscant. They had agreed to meet here for a few brief moments and she had promised data on the Eternal Empire, the new enemy that threatened the galaxy. She’d returned his red jacket to him, that he’d left on the Defender the last time he’d seen Jyana, er… the Jedi Battlemaster. T7 remained behind, apparently upon Jyana’s own request, to stay and work with Theron in case anything had happened to her.

“Theron = Loved her?”

He blinked. He didn’t realize he had buried his nose in the collar of his jacket and closed his eyes for a few minutes. He could brush it off as he’d just really missed his red coat. The leather felt still warm and loved, a bit of security in how it fit around him. But there was a lingering scent there that wasn’t his that he was drawn to, that he couldn’t truly avoid.

What did a droid know about feelings anyway?

But he couldn’t just dismiss what T7 had questioned. The poor droid had lost his closest friendtoo. And it was her wish that they help each other. T7 definitely had skills the SIS could use as well as some previous experience working with them.

Theron looked down at the droid and gave him a small smile and patted him on his dome. He couldn’t really find the words to respond to him, but the droid didn’t really push the issue either.

“The Director needs me in an hour. You said you had some data from the attack on Darth Marr’s ship?”

T7 beeped his confirmation, though the beep wasn’t the typical cheerful tone Theron had gotten used to when they worked together on Ziost. When he thought T7 was trying to keep his spirits up for the most part.

As they moved towards the speeder he’d come here on, which thankfully was equipped to take on an astromech droid, his mind kept wandering back to that question. T7 helped himself to his spot and Theron straddled the speeder and fiddled with the controls. He hesitated for a few moments, rubbing his nose again against the collar of his jacket.

He did love her. Her scent, her smile, the way the color red adorned her ears when he’d embarrassed her somehow. Maybe he had loved her since she waltzed into the briefing room on Carrick Station when they were about to send her to Korriban or since she rampaged through the lab on Manaan when he’d thought she was nearly lost to him that first time. Or how she had nearly torn down the Revanite facility on Rishi to rescue him. Or those private moments in his shuttle on Yavin and then later on her ship months after Ziost’s demise.

He shook his head and started the speeder. Kira was certain she was still alive. Kira had promised that if Jyana was in any way able to, she’d come back to him. Theron felt himself holding onto those words, terrified to even have hope. Maybe that small sliver of hope could keep him going forward. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost someone who cared for him, that he cared for. It wasn’t going to be the last.

He did love her, but she was gone. And he had work to do.

#swtor fanfiction #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #kira carsen #t7-01 #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #five-year time skip #swtor #fanfic #joiedecombat #thanks for the ask!#in which i write third person #have some feels this sunday morning

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honekitteh · 4 years

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Fictober 2019, Day 31

Prompt number: 31, “Scared, me?” Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR) Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Rating: T Warnings: None

Theron left the bridge area of the Gravestone after we’d been in hyperspace for about 10 minutes, leaving the bridge under Koth’s care. He paused slightly at the wall, placing his hand against it while his other pinched the bridge of his nose. His breathing suggested he was trying to find his center, relying on old meditation techniques he hadn’t really had a lot of time for lately.

I watched him for a time, wondering if I should let him have his space or approach him. He was shaking some, though it was muted from many years of training that helped him suppress external expressions of emotions.

“And I can’t lose you,” he had said, hours ago now, but it still rang through my head. We hadn’t spoken since I’d told him to punch it after getting back on the ship.

He was massaging the bridge of his nose, slowing his breathing. He glanced up, seeing me across the hallway. He frowned and glanced at the wall and didn’t move from his spot. Theron was very clearly focusing his thoughts everywhere but where they were. I could sense him trying to suppress his thoughts, not that I was even trying to peek inside. I thought I’d not given him reason to think that I would even get that nosy.

I took a deep breath and slowly approached him. He didn’t meet my eyes as I stepped up next to him. I took a glance back towards the bridge before looking at him. “We’re all set?” I asked softly.

He gave me a nod. “Should be back on Odessen in a few hours.”

I reached towards his face, but paused at the way he still stared more at the wall than at me. “Theron?”

“Scared, me?” he snarled in response.

I startled and raised my eyebrow, letting my hand drop back down to my side. “Excuse me?”

“You were going to ask me if I was scared.”

“I was?”

“Okay fine,” he snapped, “I was scared. A lot.” He gave me a glance, then his expression softened and he looked down. “I... I’m sorry I...” he sighed heavily, “I can’t lose you again.” Before I could respond he quickly snapped, “And don’t give me that there is no death there is only the Force crap... it’s not helpful.”

I lowered my voice to a whisper. “I wasn’t.”

“Right,” he breathed, “Good.”

I reached out to take his hand. I expected resistance based on the emotions that were radiating off him, but instead he gripped my hand tightly. He pulled it up and placed it against his chest. His heart was beating rapidly. All of his attempts at meditation had not helped settle down his heart. I frowned. “Theron...”

“I nearly died when I heard about Marr’s ship,” he whispered and rested his head against mine. “The slight bit of hope when Kira stopped by and then when Lana said you were alive... then I saw you were dying from carbonite poisoning. And then when Arcann stabbed you. And when you disappeared on Odessen…”

I placed my finger on his lips. “Theron...”

“No, Jyana,” he shook his head and moved my fingers from his lips, despite kiss them lightly, "I need to say this.” He sighed heavily. “I can’t lose you. Okay? I...”

“I know.” I took my free hand and lightly ran my fingers through his hair.

He glanced back up at me. “If anything happened to you, I couldn’t...” He shook his head and took a deep breath. Suddenly, he grabbed hold of my face with both his hands, then covered my mouth with his own. There was a slight groan as he breathed, slipping his tongue in against mine. I could sense a bit of desperation, his fear radiating off of him as he moved closer against me, pushing me against the wall. All my focus was on him, on that moment, and I could feel there was more there. Something he wasn’t telling me. Then it was over, he had pulled back and rested his forehead against mine again. His breath short, he rasped out, “Please don’t ask that of me again.”

I tilted my head slightly, moving so I could look into his eyes. “Theron, you know I can’t promise that,” I said softly, “I...”

He sighed softly and smiled at me. “I know, Jy, I... I just...” he paused and furrowed his brow.

“I’m here now, Theron,” I said softly, running my fingers along his cheek before resting my arm around his shoulders.

He just nodded and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in tight, and burying his face into my shoulder.

#fictober19 #swtor fanfiction #theron shan x jedi knight #theron shan #female jedi knight/hero of tython #oc: jyana kai #otp: come what may #swtor: kotet #swtor #fanfic #some delicious angst and fluff for #theron thursday

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