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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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Okay this one‘s going to be long and I really apologise for it.

So. I‘m an ace aro who grew up in a immigrant family where things such as sex and romance weren’t really talked about because „we“ wait till marriage. I never really realised i was "missing" something, because of that

Fast forward, I was 14 when I found out about fandoms and comfort characters. My first fandom was Percy Jackson and I remember I had a big crush/squish? On Percy

When I was 17 I found out I was asexual and was okay with it. No real problems, I had my comfort characters (who where 17/18 just like me)

When I was 19 I found out I was aromantic. Now that one was tricky. And I still have issues accepting it because of my family and being seen as a „failure“ just because I don’t want a S.O

My favourite characters were a HUGE comfort and still are. Cause if they don’t have a SO, it’s okay if I don’t have one right?

Now onto my question, cause the background information was important to understand my struggle.

I always grew out of my fav. Characters. Like with Percy Jackson, when I turned 18 I was like, he’s still 16, he doesn’t have the struggles like I have so I got new favs my age.

But the most important thing is: I never liked my faves romantically or sexual. I just loved them and still love them like I do a Family member. So even if I still find comfort in Percy jackson he’s like a brother to me.

I just recently watched encanto and it really hit me (big family, kind of toxic sometimes, all that buzz) and I realised that this Camilo dude was my favourite. (I always had a soft spot for the goofball so it’s no surprise tbh) and I didn’t know his canon age until I googled it. I‘m Honest, I didn’t watch any trailers or anything beforehand so I just assumed he’s some kind of older cousin in his 20s

When I found out he’s 15 I was like, okay, not my usual comfort character because of the age, but well, I still love him like a friend (again, I don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction)

And then I saw many and I say MANY post talking about „these weird ass young adults simping for a literal CHILD and calling him hot and drawing him so weird!! Like wtf if wrong with u???“ ( I def. agree with the hot part and the weird drawings don’t get me wrong! It IS weird!!) but I still feel kind of hurt because I DONT see him in any romantic/ sexual way but I know everyone else will think that i do

And now I genuinely don’t know what to do! Cause now I’m 20 and it’s SO hard to find any characters my age who DONT have a S.O or sex. And this Is a whole new struggle cause with child characters, there rarely is any romantic let alone sexual tension so I prefer to find comfort in them rather than in older people cause they don’t get sexualised you know?

Oh my god I sound like a p*edophile! But I really don’t mean it like that, its just easier to identify with 16/17 year olds cause they don’t have Sex and im Sex repulsed so it just disgusts me

I know I could just read ace/aro books. But first of, I'm in the closet and do not plan on coming out anytime. and second.. it just limits everything. Most of the time the whole struggle of the book is the sexuality of the person. Why can't it hust be a fantasy book without anything? I remeber i read a young adult novel and i was so happy, i was like FUCK YEAH she's 25 I love it! and then BAM! 20 pages of smut. It ruined the whole book and I hate it so much that I feel so disgusted by it. and then again, I read a YA book (16-18) it still feels weird cause i don't really identify with them either? these are literal children and it's just weird.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what I expected myself when i began to write that question, I guess i just wanted to vent.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #fandom #percy jackson #encanto #sex repulsed

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imagine-lcorp · 6 years

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Patient Zero (Part III)

A/N: Sooo hellooo everyone, how ya doing little beautiful people? I know I missed last saturday’s update but I had a good excuse for that, one that made me very happy and sad... but here I’m now posting this last part of this fic.I admit it was difficult to write this part, I wasn’t really satisfied with anything i wrote at first but i made myself do it and I believe it’s good stuff...i think...

But please, as always, let me know what you think about it. Remeber to hit it for comments, request and ask :D I hope you enjoyed the story and that you enjoy this finale.

Lena Luthor x Zombie!Reader//Word Count: 2,754//Full Text

00:00. Play.

00:01. [Y/N]: ...here, this is for prosperity [Smiling] Say cheese! [Lena]: [Smiling] Wait, you're recording! [Laughing] [Y/N]: [Loud laughter] Oh, sorry. Just let me- [Camera shaking and focusing on the floor] [Lena]: No, no. Leave it! [Camera focusing on Lena] It works for prosperity either way.

Her voice was more of a whisper, lost among the sound of strident alarms. Her heart was pounding so hard, she could hear the beating in her hears. She looked at you, at your factions, your famished figure. There was barely a shadow of who you were hiding behind bloodshot eyes and, as if a faint moment of recognition passed between you two, you stopped hitting the glass doors. She saw you there, a smiling face and bright eyes, as if you had never changed.

For a moment, she saw her friend and she wanted so desperately to make that moment last. She knew someone was calling her name but it was like a distant sound. She then saw you turning, to follow the path the others had taken, and disappeared. Moments later everything was quiet again.

"Lena? Lena! Can you hear me?"

"Miss Luthor!" One of the doctors snapped her out of her trance. Lena saw her pointing at a laptop with Alex's face.

"Alex? What's happening?" She put herself in front of the laptop, ready to receive news or instructions about what to do. The moment before still lingering in her mind.

"Is everybody alright?" Alex asked first.

"Yes, we locked ourselves in the lab, the patients are out." Lena answered.

"We know. We are locked too in the control room."

"What's gonna happen now?"

"We need to move, immediately." Alex wouldn't take no for an answer.

"What do you mean? Why?" Lena was more than just worried now. She couldn't leave the investigation like this, so suddenly.

"All the patients are here near the main rooms." Alex made a pause. She wanted to put it in the best light but there was no possible way. She sighted. "But they are rabid, Lena, even with the alarms off they keep hitting doors and walls."

"Are you sure? The patients could only be reacting to your presence." Lena tried to argue.

"No, this is different. We moved out of their vision line, they know we were still inside."

"Can't your agents move them back to containment?"

"There was a malfunction in the cells due to the earthquake, we cannot put them back there, and we don't have the necessary equipment to prevent direct contact. If this is like the first time we cannot risk it going out there just like that and the rescue team cannot pull us out in that kind of chaos." Lena looked at her team. They were paralyzed with fear after hearing that.

"Ok, how are we doing this?" She wasn't going to put them in danger.

00:16. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] Alright. Then tell me, how does it feel to start your last year at boarding school? [Lena]: Ugh, horrible. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] Why? Aren't you glad this torture will be over soon? [Lena]: I am but it also makes me sad. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] Why? [Lena]: Cause after graduation we'll have to say goodbye to each other.

"You didn't have to stay last, you know?" Alex said after sealing the lab doors.

"You didn't have to come for me, you know?" Lena was typing on one of the DEO computers.

"As if." Alex approached her and pulled a gun for her. "Kara would kill me if I leave to your own devices. Now, do you know how to use one of these?" She watched Lena take the gun and raise an eyebrow. She then remembered the little incident with Corben. "Alright."

"Where are the others?" Lena asked and moved to another computer.

"Moving to the safe zone." Alex was looking through the glass panels for any sign of movement. "J'onn pulled a distraction but we have to move fast. We are the last ones."

"Ok, I just need a minute." She finished typing and a 3D model of different cells appeared on the screen.

"What's this?" Alex went closer to her to see what was keeping her still in here.

"I ran a few simulations for a modified formula of the antidote we made first."

"We don't have time to make it." Alex said softly, she knew what Lena was trying to do.

"I know." Lena watched the screen. “But I also needed to know if there is a chance."

There was never anything certain about finding an antidote and yet Lena was able to find a counteragent for the serum. She hadn't given up hope and Alex was certain she wouldn't until every resource at her disposal was used. If Kara had been in a similar position, and there were times she was, she would do everything in her hands to save her. She understood that and wished she could find a way to bring you back. Alex put a gently hand on her shoulder.

"Crap." Alex turned quickly around and whispered through her teeth. The sound of bangs and screeched voices fast approaching. "We gotta move, now."

00:35. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] Oh c'mon, that's not gonna to happen. We have plans, remember? [Lena]: Me ending world hunger and you discovering the cure of cancer? [Y/N]: [Behind camera] Yes [Cheerful] and we'll be working together to do that. Sounds nice, don't you think?

A minute of silence. That's all they needed. Silence to let you pass. Alex and Lena were sited behind a control panel, hiding and trying to make themselves smaller, like such thing could help them. The was no other noise but your dragging feet on the concert, your erratic breathing, and the small grunts that sometimes came out of your mouth. Lena had to put a hand over her mouth to stop a little yelp when she heard you smashing a computer on the other side of the room.

Alex's mind was racing, she tried to remain calm and control her breath. The escape wasn't going to be easy. Their guns were useless at the moment. Lena had been pretty resolute about it, the patients needed to say alive, sort of, especially patient zero. Not to mention the sound of gunshots could attract the other ten that were all over the place. If they wanted to be out of that room they needed to be as sneaky as possible. They would have to hover all the way down through the dormitory rooms, the containment rooms, the infirmary, and the storage units. All the way to the back of the building were the others were waiting.

Alex considered their options, hide or run. The first one was the safest. The rest of the patients seemed to be busy looking for anything in other places and, as long as they stayed down, patient zero couldn't find them. The second option, running, was a bit trickier. Alex was sure they could go from point A to point B in a matter of minutes. They only needed to run, as fast as they could, and only turn around to shot if the patients were getting too close.

What worried Alex the most, however, was the lack of ammunition. Between Lena and her, they had thirty bullets. If things got out of control and they needed to use them with the patients, Alex calculated, they would have to use at least three with each one of them. Last time, she remembered, they had to use eight. The numbers were not in their favor.

Both women listened attentively. There was no more noise except for their strained breathing. Lena turned to look at Alex, determination and resolve in her eyes. Whatever Alex considered was best, she would follow her lead. Alex understood the gesture and nodded, if they had to do something, they had to do it know that they were alone. Alex raised three fingers and mouthed "run". Lena nodded.

Three. They were preparing themselves, getting into position. Two. Lena held her gun tightly, feeling a cold sweat run in her forehead. One. Time to run for their lives.

00:52. [Lena]: We are going to change the world, uh? [Smiling] [Y/N]: [Behind camera with a louder voice] Yeah! That's the spirit! [Lena]: We just have to survive five years of college, remember? [Laughing] [Y/N]: [Behind camera] [Grumble] Ugh, true. You got it easy, you're a literal genius. [Curious tone] What was your IQ, again? [Lena]: Please, you just need to study a bit more and stop procrastinating. [Raising an eyebrow]

They had passed beyond the dormitories and the containment rooms, where they were able to dodge five of the loose patients. But six of them were still out there and they couldn't know exactly where. Later, when they reached the infirmary, they finally had to draw their guns towards the three raging and gaunt figures, who were looking for something to wreck.

Lena felt her heart about to explode with the adrenaline, as she pulled the trigger of her gun. Alex was always near her, doing the same, aiming at the patients. They couldn't think another thing as they tried to keep them at bay. The bullets were barely doing any damage and, Alex discovered, the only way to really stop them was to shot them in the head. Lena was not content with that but, after almost losing an arm, she realized it was for the best. They couldn't stay there any longer. Not like that.

After the third body stopped moving, they only wanted to take a second to breath, but they knew others would come after. The sound of gunshots was still lingering on the empty walls of the DEO and, they could listen clearly, some guttural cries getting louder. Alex made the math. Six bullets. That's all they had and it was barely enough if they could take the shots. Lena knew it too. Two patients were still loose around them and they had to keep moving. They only had to pass the storage units and they could be safe.

01:12. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] Easy to say, I'm probably gonna be a zombie during finals [Grumble] Can't somebody just shot me now? [Lena]: Oh, no. You are not allowed to die before we change the world. Remember?

Her muscles were burning and the fear was crawling through her whole body again. Seeing your face filled with blood and delirium as you chased them through that corridor had been the last straw.

Alex had to shoot first, two bullets that only managed to hit the patient that was behind you. Neither of you stopped. Another bullet from Lena's gun hit your chest. You kept running. Alex pulled the trigger. Finally stopping the emaciated body that had followed you. Two bullets for patient zero, that's all that was left.

Lena had recognized you. How she didn't know. There was nothing in you now that could have told her you were her friend turned into a monster. Only that little shadow that refused to leave the back of your eyes remained. She shot you once on your chest. The bullet passing near your heart making you stop a few meters away from them. They were close to the safe zone. Only one room and they could reach it.

But you didn't want to stop. You couldn't. Lena knew she had to use that last bullet if they were going to make it. She didn't want to shot. You were the patient zero. Part of the key to the cure was still in you. She knew she needed you alive to keep gathering samples and making tests.

You kept moving, slowly and with difficulty but sill advancing. Bloodshot eyes were looking at her. A starved, disfigured body trying to reach her. A voice no longer human screaming at her. She didn't want to shot. Part of her telling her it was still you. Not all gone. She needed you to stay alive so you could see the fruit of your work.

You kept moving. Hands pressing your chest as black blood poured from the hole in it. Then, a faint second of recognition and acknowledgment. It was no longer you who was inside. She didn't want to shot. Parts of her heart breaking. It was the world that had changed you.

01:23. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] [Sigh] Ok, but they better give us that Noble after that. [Lena]: [Laughing] You're always so humble. [Y/N]: [Behind camera] [Nonchalant tone] I know, I know [Both laughing]

Three years ago, you arrived one night at National City General Hospital with fever, nausea and abdominal pain. At first, you had though it was food poisoning, or something similar, but the abdominal pain became constant and worse. The doctors had taken you immediately to surgery to perform a common procedure, but what they found had been a bit unusual. Appendicitis had been the first diagnosis. A carcinoid tumor, the second. Distant spread in liver and lungs of carcinoid tumors, the third.

Two and a half years ago, you started to work on the project on your own. Moved by a fear you never acknowledged, you searched and researched everything you could. You spent days and nights reading investigation papers, research reports, medical journals, test results. You had even taken that little research Jack, Lena, and you had done during college years. This work had become the priority and you were determined to find a solution.

A year after the cancer diagnosis you started working on it in the company's labs. It had been an almost impossible task to convince investors and the company board to let you start this project. In the past decade there had been barely a few significant discoveries about the disease and the idea itself of the cure of cancer had been ridiculous for them. But you show them that, even if the cure for cancer was impossible to accomplish, the company could still gain from your patents and discoveries. You assured them, with a smile, the reward was bigger than the risk.

Six months ago you had injected thirty nine people and yourself with the serum. Trial after trial in your investigation had leaded to that moment. The selected patients were given a dose of the serum and were asked to document their symptoms and medical diagnosis with their general doctors. During four months there was nothing but positive results. Your team was euphoric, the company was satisfied. You were hopeful.

Two months ago you realized it all had back fired. Your team reunited the other thirty nine patients to run the tests again. There cancer cells were not only increasing at a faster rate but they were changing. The serum was no longer a remedy but a catalyst.

One month ago, the company knew it was a lost case. The patients were getting worst and you had started to feel the symptoms yourself. For the first time ever, you didn't curse your slow growing cancer, as it had somehow relented the serum progress. You had to fix it somehow. You had to do it fast.

Two weeks ago, the company had left you and your team alone inside the labs. They saw your mistake and they wanted it all gone. The small hopes you had been all vanished, replaced by the dread you had tried to avoid since your diagnosis. You screamed, you cried, and tried to remember your life and the good in it. If you were going to die anyway, you wanted to leave with the fond memories about your family and friends. The love you shared with them. The adventures. Your hopes to change the world. And Lena.

Two weeks ago, you took all the files and documents, and modified them, knowing the company wouldn't let them leak that easily, and put yourself in front of a camera. Not because there was a solution, a cure, an antidote, but because there was someone out there. Someone away from this hellhole that could make things better.

00:00. [Recording]

00:02. Hello, Lena...

You started and a little hope returned to you. After all, she was going to change the world.

01:34. Stop.

Lena's voice was soft and trembling, like you were dreaming and she was afraid to wake you up.

But your dream had turned into a nightmare from which there was no wakening.

"(Y/N)." She said after the last bullet went straight to your head.

You didn't move again.

#lena luthor #lena luthor imagine #lena x reader #lena luthor x reader #lena luthor fic #patient zero #part iii #zombie reader #zombie!reader

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