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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 3 years

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becky albertalli’s ‘simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda’: a review, amongst other things

I walked into Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda fully prepared to hate it. I’d read it a grand total of one (01) time before, way back in December 2019, with very high expectations that were dashed to smithereens halfway through. On my first reading, I found it terribly cliché, vapid and utterly undeserving of the multitude of four- and five-star ratings on Goodreads.

I’m still iffy about those ratings (it’s a solid two-point-five, three at best for me), but I didn’t hate it as much the second time around. Maybe it was because my expectations were so low that the only way it could go from there was up. You could say that I almost… enjoyed it.

That didn’t stop me from scribbling a page of complaints, though.

I’ve seen many reviews hailing the book as a win for the LGBTQ+ community, for BIPOC, for YA fiction. And Albertalli’s certainly done a better job of writing the character of a homosexual male than certain others. Simon’s whole coming-out crisis is definitely relatable, and it’s definitely a relief to have a character who’s accepted their sexuality instead of one who spends roughly 200 pages whining, “bUt HoW cAn I LiKe BoY wHeN I aM bOy??”

And yet it can be so tone-deaf in other parts.

The most glaring example is at the start of the book (I doubt this constitutes as a spoiler), where Simon says (lmao), about lesbian and bisexual girls: “I think it’s different for girls. Maybe it’s easier. If there’s one thing the Tumblr has taught me, it’s that a lot of guys consider it hot when a girl is a lesbian.”

Yes, the really says ‘the Tumblr’. And it’s not the last time, either.

I find it hard to believe that Simon, a gen-Z if my calculations serve me correct, has a Tumblr account and doesn’t know about Phan, Drarry, Destiel (RIP), Larry Stylinson (yikes) and the other staple gay OTPs of gen-Z Tumblr culture. If there’s one thing the Tumblr has taught me, it’s that there are way too many gay male ships with a brunette and a blond, with predominantly female fans.

Granted, Simon’s talking about their school’s gossip blog in particular, but that can’t be the only blog he follows.

Because fetishization is so easy, am I right, ladies?

You might bring up the ‘death of the author’ paradigm; Simon’s views ≠ Becky Albertalli’s; Simon is a teenage boy and teenage boys are generally idiots- and yet it feels like this is something the author genuinely believes, because she’s also included Simon being A-okay and even flattered by his friend Leah’s gay fanart and fanfic obsession. Yeah… no. Fetishization of queer people is creepy and dehumanizing and I’ve yet to meet a single queer person who’s on board with the idea of cishets doing so.

Also, the fact that he warmed up to Martin even while he was being blackmailed is something no actual closeted queer would do, ever. I’m pretty sure I’m speaking for loads of queer people when I say that being out to someone you don’t trust is a literal nightmare- even worse when they use that against you. And this motherfucker’s all like, “Well yeah, he’s threatening to out me to everyone if I don’t set him up with my best friend, but he’s kinda funny :) I think we could be friends.”

Simon- fuck you, you smoothbrained numbskull.

Another thing I found cringey was how many pop culture references were thrown in. Why, on god’s green earth, would you name a dog Bieber? For one, that’s a godawful name; for another- Justin Bieber? Really?

I consider myself a pretty avid fan of Harry Potter (here I will insert the obligatory ‘fuck you, JKR’), and whenever I see a reference thrown in, I feel like that one Spider-Man meme. And yet there were way. too. many. in this damn book. Seriously. We get it. Simon’s a Potterhead. That’s enough.

Also, I’m obligated to cancel anyone who likes Reese’s cups. They’re fucking vile.

Other attempts at gen-Z-ing that made me want to fling myself into the nearest black hole: every time Simon said ‘I can’t even’; a pop-punk band called ‘Emoji’ (!!! the way I cringed !!!); ‘the’ Tumblr (yeah, I’m never letting that go); Nora unironically saying ‘OMG’ in a verbal conversation; the absolute LACK of One Direction references (see, this is why I love John Green); amongst others.

Simon’s got zero personality outside of his sexuality. In case you didn’t catch it the eight thousand times it was mentioned, Simon is gay. And… that’s about it.

Leah’s annoying and yet I’m ashamed to say I can sort of see where she’s coming from (I’ve had a long and illustrious history of being left out and ignored by my friends, but this is neither the time nor place to discuss my childhood trauma, so I’ll leave it at that). Her enmity with Abby was unnecessary and uncalled for. Nick’s… a Jewish guitarist? And that’s about it? Abby’s cute and quirky and lovable and I love her. Martin’s a bag of dicks plus more. It was pretty obvious to me who Blue was; if you’ve read a YA book, ever, it’s the easiest thing to guess.

The characters were painfully one-dimensional. I can imagine them existing in that particular story, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing about them outside of it. It’s like they don’t exist outside of those pages- they couldn’t be actual people, if that makes sense (it probably doesn’t, but humor me).

The family dynamic between the Spiers was believable and pretty well-written (says me, who has zero siblings). I liked how the diversity didn’t feel contrived- just enough information to tell you that Abby and Bram were black, Nick was Jewish, Blue was half-Jewish, amongst others (funnily enough, when I first read it, I thought the exact opposite). The dialogue between characters felt pretty natural, too.

In conclusion: was Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda a perfect LGBTQ+ novel? I’ve read objectively better works on Ao3 (seriously, those of you who look down on fanfiction are missing out on some quality stuff), but it’s a pretty standard Wattpad-worthy story. It has its issues, and it’s far from the best thing I’ve ever read, and it’s not going on my favorites list anytime soon. You’re not missing out on anything if you choose to not read it, I can guarantee you that. But it’s a decently fun read, and perfect if you want something to while away an afternoon- it’s hardly going to take up too many hours to get through.

And would you look at that- I finally managed to write a review without a single spoiler (admittedly, there’s nothing to spoil outside of Blue’s identity, but let me have this).

#simon vs thsa #Becky Albertalli #love Simon #book review #lgbt fiction #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbt literature #gay #gay fiction #gay books #romcom #young adult #gay teen #teen fiction

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justasmallbloginabigklainefandom · 6 years

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Great OMGCP fanfics

All the Sights of Paris by writingonpostcards

Eric and Jack meet atop the Eiffel Tower. It's the beginning of a few whirlwind days together, but Eric's leaving soon. How much can really happen between them in just a few days?

Jack holds out his hand and Eric takes it. Instead of shaking it like Eric was expecting, Jack pulls him in gently, and kisses him once on both cheeks. “See you around,” Jack says with confidence.

Like breathing was easy by lillaseptember (part 7 of a series)

Jack has a panic attack. Bitty (and the kids) help him through it.

“We have seven kids downstairs who all think you’re their hero. And it’s not because of the reasons you think it is. It’s because you pick them up from practice with the same terrible puns every Tuesday, actually listen to what they know is their ridiculous teenage gossip, let them win wrestling matches in the most dramatic way imaginable, watch Aristocats with them 17 times in a row, kiss their injuries better, memorize presidents with them, make that godawful mac ‘n’ cheese for ‘em.”

Set Your Old Heart Free by IBoatedHere*

Jack doesn’t find Bitty after graduation. They don’t kiss. Jack doesn't go to Madison for the 4th. They still fall in love.

falling into place by furyofthetimelords

Your soulmark doesn’t settle until you’ve met your soulmate.

Neither Jack or Eric notice when it happens.

Irreplaceable by JustLookFrightenedAndScuttle

Bitty gets too wrapped up in his worry that his relationship with Jack could cost Jack too much.

Breakaway by AntarcticBird

The first time Jack sees him is at the beginning of his sophomore year at Samwell, a completely normal Monday night, and at first he thinks he has gone insane.

Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy by PorcupineGirl

Jesse Snowden knows all the best restaurants and gourmet food shops in Providence, so when Jack Zimmermann starts bringing in incredible baked goods, he's eager to find out where the new bakery is. When he meets the man behind the pies, he decides that there's no way Jack could really appreciate this guy's talent the way he does, even if they are friends. He starts hiring Jack's chef on the side, in the hopes that maybe once Bitty's done with college he'll come work for Jesse.

Good thing there is absolutely no way whatsoever that Jesse could possibly be misinterpreting this situation.

Mother’s Weekend by rosepetals42*

Hello there! Long time, no see (my bad I know) but, here: an Alicia Zimmermann-centric piece as she goes to Parents’ Weekend during Jack’s freshmen year. [focus on Alicia, Jack, and Shitty] 6k

Imagine being a tadpole though by rosepetals42

Outsider POV, zimbits, canon-compliant, 2nd person, 4k ish, yes this got way longer than expected

when it’s over (you’re the start) by onawingandaswear

Jack goes to sleep in Providence next to his boyfriend and wakes up in Montréal to discover he’s been in a coma since 2009. Refusing to believe Samwell, Bitty, and the Falconers were all a dream, Jack tracks down the real Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, and Holster to find they’ve shared the same group hallucination for years. Now, they’re on a mission to find Bitty, the love of Jack’s non-existent life, and the only member of SMH they can’t seem to get in contact with.

ABC by alphardhy

effort, n.

It is worth it.

Jack and Bitty's relationship told through short dictionary entries. (The title is quite self-explanatory, really.)

Ice Crew Please! by rosepetals42*

Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. His team won the Cup his second year and now, in his third year, they are looking good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is.

He’s not, of course.

Enter the Ice Crew.

a tale of love and how it finds you by nightswatch

Bitty sees Jack Zimmermann almost every morning, but he’s never said a single word to him. Honestly, Jack Zimmermann probably doesn’t even know that he exists.

Revenge is best served @ by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)

The ESPN hockey anchors take a cheap shot. Bitty takes one back.

i'll see you with your laughter lines by the_one_that_fell*

Eric Bittle was fourteen when his soulmate died.

They'd never even gotten to meet.

Hold on Forever by an orphan account (part 2 of a series)

Eric Bittle doesn't think he's going to be standing at his boyfriend's sledge hockey game holding a sign that says, "Yo, Go To Prom With Me Jack Zimmermann," at almost thirty years old and yet...here he is.

these hands are meant to hold by worth_the_risk (part 1 of a series)

There are a select few times over the course of Jack and Shitty’s friendship when Jack, frozen like the Pond in January, has to be told to move.

Plans For The Future by ticktockclockwork

Contrary to popular belief, when Jack was spiraling, things did not move in slow motion. The frantic beating of his heart was anything but slow; the rapid fire thoughts pinballing around his mind almost incomprehensible in their speed.

In therapy, he'd often heard people describe their attacks as a slow motion train crash, a suffering drawn out experience that they were helpless to stop.

But for Jack, while ’train crash’ was definitely apt for what he felt, it was anything but slow and, in fact, he was usually the one at the controls.

All this to say, Jack was in a very bad place.

The Little Things That Give You Away by annathaema (moony)

"S'fine," says Jack, trying to keep it hidden from Shitty. "I wasn't really doing anything, just-"

"Knitting!"

Jack has an unusual hobby, but it helps.

Alive and Loved by Piehead

Bitty has depression. He lives with it.

Love Is To Be Made by DoubleNegative

“Jack turns in a slow, aimless circle in the middle of his living room. Blank white walls. Bare floor. A sofa, a TV, a coffee table: just the basics, really. Well, no wonder it doesn’t look like home; he can’t blame his apartment’s sudden coldness and its empty echoing spaces solely on the absence of one Eric R. Bittle. It just… doesn’t look like anyone lives here. It doesn’t feel like anyone lives here. He has no idea how to change that.”

(Or… Jack comes home from Madison to an apartment that doesn’t smell like cinnamon, and teammates who don’t know what he means he says ‘swawesome. It feels like it should be easier, turning the place he lives into a home and the people he plays hockey with into teammates. But even ‘easy’ things have always felt harder than they should.)

Puck Aversion: The Birth of A Goalie Superstition by Betweenthepies (Reikiari)

Every hockey player has their thing. Goalies? Even more so. So what is Chris Chow's? He will never touch a puck with his bare hands. (Five times Chris Chow won't touch a puck and one time he does.)

one of the gays by heyfightme

Bitty isn’t even sure whether he wasn’t meant to hear. It’s a party, and they’re all public, and it’s Bitty’s Haus too. More than that, it’s Bitty’s kitchen. There’s no discernible secrecy in operation.

“I mean, Bitty’s gay. One of my best friends; he put these curtains up.” The girl Holster is talking to – brown curls, white jeans, suntanned shoulders – looks to the curtains and coos, “Aww, that’s so cute.”

Bitty’s neck twinges.

—

in which bitty and jack are like: [sarcastic laughter] straight people

Wizarding sports by prongsyouignoramus and awfullyruby (not really a fic)

so @prongsyouignoramus and I had a convo that spun into a full blown hc so I thought I’d share this in the hopes it will one day inspire a fanfic author *nudge nudge, wink wink* or just for funsies, I guess

just two kids without their jackets by the_one_that_fell (3 part series)*

Jack makes a difficult decision and finds a new calling.

and not waving but drowning by the_one_that_fell (part 1 of a series)

Jack considered himself an Icarus of sorts. He never thought he’d learn to love the sun.

like a handprint on my heart by the_one_that_fell*

“Dude, we’ve got an over-competitive golf dad, a badass art freak, a pre-med lax bro on the verge of a breakdown, a chronically naked rugby player, a beat-boxing giant, and an itty-bitty, baking figure skater - there’s no way we came together accidentally. This wasfate.”

“Or it’s the normal progression of human beings making friends. Chill out, bro.”

(Or, the one where no one plays hockey, but it still manages to bring them all together.)

the messes of men by decinq (4 part series)

His first year in the NHL isn't easy, but Jack has spent his entire life playing through the hurt.

My Words on Your Skin by There_Once_Was_A_Girl (no. 1 in a 6 part series of standalones)*

Jack and Bitty have a unique soul connection, they can write back and forth to each other by writing on their own skin. They know each other long before they've ever met. But when Jack overdoses Bitty thinks he's lost the love of his life forever.

Your Fake Name is Good Enough by DoubleNegative

Eventually Jack came back to himself, as he always did, shaky and exhausted but alive, and Shitty wrapped up his rambling story. “Anyway, man, that’s why if you ever have kids you shouldn’t make bets with your hedge fund buddies on their names. You’ll end up with a son named Barnaby Sylvester Knight, and trust me, that is no way to start a father-son relationship.”

“That’s a pretty awful name,” Jack whispered. “Thanks, man.”

Shitty just squeezed him tighter and didn’t protest at all when Jack finally drifted off, drooling a little on his pillow.

you’ve got my number by ambrosius*

It’s not as if Jack was totally inept when it came to technology. He could handle his Tweeter (Tweety? Twits? Twitter? Did it really matter?) just fine and if he’s honest, he much preferred texting to calling most days. So when he gets added to a group chat full of strangers, well, he’s pretty sure he can handle whatever comes next.

Graduation Day by IBoatedHere

It takes Jack 50 days to finally see what's been right in front of him for the past two years.

Will Wonders Never Cease by PorcupineGirl*

Eric has landed his dream job: social media manager for the Providence Falconers! Not only does he get paid to tweet, for an NHL team at that, but it’s a job where he’ll be able to make good use of his magic - when nobody’s looking, of course. Everyone on the Falconers is a joy to work with… with the notable exception of Jack Zimmermann. Eric understands that Jack doesn’t like social media, but he could certainly be a little more polite about it.

Luckily, Eric has support from his Samwell buddies, as well as his best friend - a man whose face he’s never seen, and whose name he doesn’t know. They met on an online forum where witches can gather anonymously, since it isn’t safe for them to advertise their existence in a world where magic isn’t trusted. They’ve been friends for years now, but Eric is only just starting to realize that he might have deeper feelings for someone he can never meet face-to-face.

i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face by dharmainitiative*

Still rebounding from a breakup, Derek Nurse moves into a loft in downtown LA and attempts to navigate living with five former college hockey players.

Or, a New Girl AU.

if you're going through hell (keep going) by onawingandaswear*

Eighteen years ago, Samwell suffered the tragic loss of one of their most promising young athletes. Ever since rumors have circulated that the school is haunted by the ghost of Eric Bittle. At least, that’s the only way anyone can seem to explain why the locker rooms smell like freshly baked apple pie on game days instead of the usual, omnipresent hockey funk.

Now in the twilight of his career, Jack Zimmermann is facing his own mortality and the last item on his bucket list?

Return to Samwell and disprove the rumor that his long-dead boyfriend is haunting Faber Memorial Rink.

And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? by RabbitRunnah

Bitty goes to bed after his "lucky shot" having made a decision. When he wakes up he ... is not where he expected to be. He has a career, and a baby, and -- this is the biggest surprise of all -- a husband who looks a lot like Jack Zimmermann.

And you may say to yourself, my god, what have I done? by RabbitRunnah

The last thing Jack Zimmermann remembers saying to Eric Bittle is "lucky shot." That doesn’t explain, at all, why he just woke up in Bittle’s bed.

A companion piece -- this time it's Jack's turn to get a peek at his future -- to And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Inertia by foryouandbits

At the age of seven, Eric Bittle is tackled so hard in peewee football, it feels as though he's been knocked into another dimension. At the encouragement of his father, he avoids contact sports until he receives a scholarship to play hockey at Samwell University. The result is the same: every check on the ice hurts so much that Eric hallucinates another world. Eric spends the rest of his freshman year attempting to prove himself to his captain and his coaches. He questions his worth, his talent, and his sanity, and in his search for answers, he uncovers long-hidden secrets that change everything he has ever known.

Merry Christmas, I'm Yours by RabbitRunnah

It takes Jack only a couple months after graduation to realize he's in love with Bitty.

It takes him almost 20 years to actually do something about it.

(Or, five Christmases Jack and Bitty spend together.)

right as things grow by wit

Loving and longing, one thousand miles apart: the summer of 2015, in which Jack realizes what he wants just in time for it to get on a plane and leave for Georgia.

#lb 2018 #THERE ARE OBVS MORE #omgcp #omgcp fics #list #this is basically another #fichof

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