#or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon

[hussyknee]

Idk if there's enough people talking about what a gigantic energy drain Complex PTSD is. It's not just one single traumatic event, it's having lived in a traumatic situation for a long time. And in the case of child abuse, your entire formative life period. Everything is a trigger, anxiety is your default, and your brain keeps trying to keep you safe by yelling at you about everything you're doing "wrong", which will lead to pain. Your brain is a constant war zone, braced for attack, rarely relaxed, at least some part of you always hypervigilant. The stress it takes on your body is insane. It's why trauma is linked to autoimmune issues, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and, according to one study, cancer.

Physical disability leaves you even more vulnerable and less able to live up to the impossible standards of control and "correct" behaviour your brain insists on, not to mention the free gift given to all patients of chronic illness that is medical gaslighting and patient-blaming, all of which simply compounds the trauma. Reduced physical and mental health obviously leads to systemic risk factors such as inability to pursue academic and professional qualifications, poverty and financial struggle, malnutrition, becoming unhoused or bad living conditions, exacerbated medical issues and further lack of medical resources, reliance on welfare and care networks, and becoming trapped in codependent, abusive or toxic relationships. The knock-on effects are endless.

This is all to say— if you're wondering why you can't seem to do more than the bare minimum every day when you haven't been diagnosed with a physical illness, or you're "not that disabled", or you think your symptoms are "just psychosomatic" (which means your brain is under so much intolerable stress that it's started taking a chair to the windows and destroying the furniture just to get you to NOTICE AND MAKE IT STOP): the answer is that your body is actually struggling under the kind of stress that kills trained soldiers and disables them for life. So stop trying to convince yourself that you're just not trying hard enough when what you really, desperately need to get your life on track is community, care, rest and ease.

#the medicalization of mental health is just capitalism trying to cover its ass #isolating physical and mental illness makes the entire medical complex an abject failure actually #''disease'' should refer to a state of being rather than its outcome imo #i've never heard of one that wasnt simply the visible symptom or ramification of the core problem or situation #like I'm grateful for the anti-depressants and bipolar meds and all but i just think a lot more problems would be solved #if someone gave me a place to live with peace and quiet and living assistance #i mean I'd still need the meds its not either/or #but I wouldn't need to be on ever increasing doses for the rest of forever #also if there was some kind of holistic understanding of health that bridged psychiatry with the fest of the medical complex #they could have taken one look at how badly I broke down at age twenty and worked to prevent my inflammatory disease being triggered #or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon #you just absolutely bloody cannot treat health as separate from socioeconomics and community support #this shouldn't be new or revolutionary #actually cptsd #complex ptsd #ableism #disability #healthism #child abuse #emotional abuse #domestic abuse #intimate partner violence #parental abuse #chronic illness #spoonie #knee of huss #mental illness #autoimmune disease #social justice #psychosomatic