#outspaced talks about the system

[starrynightteam]

Silas here. I don't know why I'm writing about it here but I guess I need some kind of support from other alters from other system?

I am a "recycled" alter, which means that my existence is longer than I am, and I remember bits about being the older alter, but my existence as Silas is barely even a month. There's so much growth already due to that changes and it makes me want to move on into new different things.

I make my own blog and idk, I guess I feel kind of overwhelmed talking with people outside the headspace. Anne's family is cool, having the shared memory of them helps me to understand them, even when they don't know about my existence, I don't need them knowing either. But their mannerisms are predictable, I can match energy with them and that makes the interaction more comfortable for me.

But with the outspace people it went so much complicated than that? There are a lot of miscommunication, so many things that went overlooked even when I already mention it over and over again. I feel like I'm not being heard or understood. Looking back we, as a system, don't have that much of social capability to interact well with people. But good lord, I don't expect it to be this hard? No wonder the older alters seems to lose hope in socializing. Anne still trying but after a recent incident she hide herself once again.

I just want to contribute more in the system, and I always want to take the social part since it feels like I'm the most sociable out all the alters, but these past few days has make me reconsider it. Maybe the older alters are right. Maybe we don't need friends anymore? I don't know.

#actually plural #actually dissociative #osdd 1b #osdd system #silas' rant #alters #did osdd

[outspaced-writes]

OSDD?

Hey guys, Outspaced here. I’ve this secondary blog cause we don’t want to expose ourselves to the host’s IRLs. Whenever I post here, I’m usually fronting. I’m just going to make a master post to talk about OSDD and I’ll edit this whenever I have something to add/occasionally reblog it, since I don’t want to spam the people who are following me for The Half Of It content. I won’t give any full names of alters here for privacy reasons. I am aware of some discourse in the DID/OSDD community but I don’t want to discuss it, I just want to share a little/get things out of my system (no, no pun intended) instead of internalizing it, thus I’m not tagging this with those tags. Anyway, since this will be long, more content under the cut if you’re interested. Block the tag [#outspaced talks about the system] if you don’t want to see this :) Also nobody is more confused than tumblr when trying to recommend me posts :P

ALTERS

K-----

kind of the protector in a sense

takes over when overwhelmed

calm/cold/doesn’t show emotions

suppresses things, doesn’t care what people think

sometimes comes across as rude

“hey it’s ok, it’s ok... lemme take over for a while alright?”

A------

practically never fronts

comforter when upset and K fronts

passive, the nice one, soft. sad

likes the sky, ocean, water, sunrises, sunsets

mega RSD, eager to please

likes animals. kind

J

gamer, writes fanfiction in a dark room. watches movies on shady sites

soft hoodies. black and shades of blue. cornflower

recently likes to go by outspaced. no name, just J

bold but spaces out a lot. thus the name. caffeinated

“y’all don’t want the he/hims? i’ll take the he/hims”

relatively new. the one who LOVES androgynous/masculine clothes

wants to produce music in a dark room early in the morning

the one who actually likes boys. none of us really care but he’s really the one who’s like “damn he’s kinda cute”

[unknown]

soft, likes hugs and being upside down

age regressed/childish. animal noises

lowkey hyper, loves gym and netball/captains ball

clumsy but enthusiastic

all the animations! cartoons!

textile stimming. needs comfort items. very sensitive

probably about eight but sometimes younger

[host]

confused, pretty sure they don’t exist

a lot of a mess, happens to be the body that contains everyone

denial for the longest time, still not sure what’s going on

doesn’t actually know if we had trauma and hesitant to say we have osdd but seems to be so

everyone masquerades as host, anything other than singular pronouns is unusual

doesnt know how many of us there are

pretty sure they’re just made of a combination of us fronting but can never be sure

regularly apologizes to J because female body

just really confused

[the mean one]

intrusive thoughts, snaps easily at people

nameless, not really there. slides their way in 

nobody knows who they are

they don’t hate the host, they can’t control themself very well

cares for host in their own way but struggles too much

will lash out at people, good at manipulation/guiltripping 

PRONOUNS 

Heads up, the host is the one typing this section. I’ve gotten a few questions so I’m going to explain my pronouns. Why she/they?

I’m AFAB, thus female pronouns. However (and as far as I can tell this is quite common among AFAB autistics), I feel a disconnect from gender. That’s the easiest way to phrase it. I frankly don’t feel the need to identify with anything and in a way, I’m just a voice occupying a human body. They/them fits me very well and I’m very comfortable with those pronouns, especially because of the way my mind is wired. Honestly, use he/him on me and I won’t really care either. I might be like “hm?” for a moment but it doesn’t bother me. I present very female but t-shirt and jeans > blouses and skirts and dresses and all of that. It’s more of a practicality thing and I grew up wearing my brother’s old clothes a lot.

Why not just use female pronouns then? I’m okay with wearing skirts sometimes, growing my hair out. And then my body does biologically female things and nope, not good. Anxiety inducing, feels wrong. Maybe part of it is that I have an alter whose main pronouns are he/him. He recently nicknamed himself Outspaced, if you’re wondering, thus the name. He’s the one who games, who sits behind the screen when I write fanfiction sometimes. Sounds weird but that’s when I feel him fronting more. Actually, I only started acknowledging him recently so I’m still figuring things out.

Besides, I’m comfortable with she/they and I think I should use what I’m comfortable with. They just click with me but if you use he/him for some reason, I won’t bite. I just don’t really care.

A GLIMPSE INTO THE SYSTEM

When someone pissed off the host and A is having a RSD-induced breakdown and K is ready to set someone on fire with the help of the lowkey persecutor and you’re just that chill guy who sits back and would normally remind them that now is your time to take over and game but this time its serious

Also: when the system accidentally clicks on a pop up link when the age regressed one or me is fronting... Suddenly I want to die inside. I am highly sex repulsed. The others in the system are generally indifferent or indifferent-leaning-towards-repulsed but oh ewwww gross so gross I hate it why does the internet do this ew ew ew ew ew

Trying to do something serious and the age regressed one surfaces and goes “lets hang upside down” and when K mentions that we’re doing responsible things right now, she has a meltdown over our crippling fear of growing up

#about me #outspaced talks about the system

[augujerdeer]

An update post regarding yesterday’s anon:

We are not going to do anything about ENA’s pronouns. It is not our fault that someone else is not knowledgeable on systems and introjects- or how any member is or can be formed. Like with anyone outspace, singlet or not, you can not dictate or choose how they identify. We can not control how we split someone.

Similarly, a fictive is also, and should not be expected to be, 100% their source. They are taken from said source, but they are also and should be treated as their own persons, who can grow or just come out differently. It is not our fault if an outsider (someone not in our system) expects that. It is not our job to educate them either, but I suppose we “have to” if no one else will. So if anyone still wonders: do not assume and expect that a fictive of a source should be that same person. And do not COMPARE the two so easily without asking especially. Be nice and kind.

It is rude to tell someone “The actual [character name] is this, not that.” That implies that the person (fictive or factive) you are talking to is “not” real enough or at all. That they are not important or that they don’t exist properly, to you. If someone told you, “the actual [your name] does this and that, not what you are doing right now.” That’s rude. It assumes they know you more than you know yourself. In a system-fictive standpoint, it is not respectful and you are treating the person(s) you are ‘criticizing’ as beneath you or not real.

People in a system can have different pronouns. The body is trans and we all decided the body should use they/them. But we have different pronouns for ourselves individually. Kris uses He/Him primarily besides They/Them. Sal uses He/him. Peter is CIS and uses he/him. MJ is also CIS and uses She/Her. And having different pronouns from the body is not wrong. It does not make the body any less trans or non-binary.

Our ENA still uses she/her. Canonically she uses she/her even so it should “match”, it just so happens... that our ENA fictive is a system, and have individual pronouns for each member (or “state”). The fandom’s problems is not ours. Though, we definitely know it exists and acknowledge it. We have seen it, and it is always hard and tough to watch. ENA’s wiki page comments for example, is not easy to swallow because there is a constant debate, and a lot of people argue over her pronouns.

That is all. We’re not changing anything. Fictives are so diverse and are not harming anyone by merely existing. They did not choose to be different, if they are, either. Fictives who are different from their source(s) are not bad. And I am sure a majority of them understand they are ‘different’, and can even be insecure about it.

#From Chara #Journaling #Fictive #Fictives #ENA #If you are a system and you have fictives... Please be kind to them and give them understanding. #If your own fictives and factives are ‘divergent’ show understanding even if the divergent is *minor*. #ENA feels very guilty about everything but she will be better soon. Besides her and Kris I am more concerned for anyone who agrees with... #how the anon viewed the system world. #For context: ENA uses she/her. But because people have been asking her what everyone (internslly)’s pronouns are individually.. #She added them to our system wix since she thought it was cool. #For more context (pronouns in order of preference): Happy/ENAH uses She/He. Sad/ENAS uses She/They. Drunk/ENAD’s changes. #They assume ENAD is genderfluid but the labels are new to them. They never had a word for trans or non-binary for example. #Joel G. her creator uses she/her for her. He calls her a girl. The actors also use she/her and call her a girl for context. #If anyone wants to send more angry asks about ENA’s pronouns I suggest you expose yourself to systems w/ divergent fictives more especially. #Or even more systems in general..? The world of systems are very diverse. #I am also probably going to delete the original ask soon. If not then it may be because we are keeping it for archiving purposes. #We don’t want anyone to twist our words.

[ogeeitsme]

How have you guys been recently?

It was better before quarantine, or back at the beginning of it. We have been getting worse very slowly as time passes.

The home environment was never completely healthy, but it has become more obvious to us just how much it has been.

Immediately after coming to terms with and discovering something we have been going through outspace is considered trauma... quarantine hit, and we have been doing trauma processing alone besides the help of some friends.

The lack of any outside support physically is slowly taking a toll on us, honestly. Not that we are in any immediate danger, but it has heavily been affecting our productivity and how we handle school, which has just started.

Everyone... is hurting in some way. Ever since what happened in February, we have slowly gotten quiet on this blog as well, I will be honest. Yes, we still post and interact with everyone on our personal blogs, but this blog is more public, and has a wider audience. We HAVE tried to vaguely talk about the situation before without naming names, as it would be unfair to them.

Instead, one party member thought our vague-ness was directed towards them and to “make the relationship worse” (not a quote) when it never was. They were never even involved... and yet they think it is because we want to hurt them! I will never forget that. I will never forget how they got angry at us depite them not wanting to accept the truth. I digress..

The other party member, who is actually involved and who hurt us, well their system members got mad. Haha, it did not end well.

That may be why we have been less active on this blog. It is the internet, dear anon. No matter how much we want to think they may not be stalking us, they still might be. And by stalking, I mean “checking in” because I do know, as hard as it is to accept, that they cared and was also hurt by the separation.

“It is hard to vent on your own blog when people you loved got angry at you for it.”

Anon hate is different and ignorable, but love-ones telling you to stop is anither, haha.

That is a summary if what has been happening from April to this day. It has been a rough year, but that is not a surprise to anyone.

Edit; Do not get me started on hiw much physical pain we have been ex-eriencing. We are very tired of it. One time, it was so bad, thta it kept making Peter pass out from how painful it was, and waking him up at the same time. It was awful.

#Ask #Anon #I wish I could go into detail but we still care about them even if we will never see them again #We will NEVER name them but I hope one day we can be angry publicly. #For now we feel like we are going to only be permanently feeling heartbroken and used. #From Chara #Gee Talks #Vent #If there are typos do not even talk to me about it. #We are sleep deprived and I just woke up. #Kris turned off autocorrect a long time ago.