#poor astarion

[vorestarr]

so i noticed when playing the epilogue that illithid Tav wants to eat brains, but the specific part of the brain they want to eat depends on the character, so i looked through the parsed dialogue and compiled all of them!

which part of each brain a mindflayer Tav would savor:

Astarion: "Astarion's sweet brain may be less wrinkled than the rest, but you hunger for its teasing cells. His parietal lobe - which controls his sense of touch - will be an aphrodisiac in your maw."

Gale*: "You would save his temporal lobe for last, if you were to eat Gale. Language. Learning. Memory. He must have quite the fine example."

Halsin: "Every time Halsin speaks of balance, your thoughts cannot behave. You only dream of what his cerebellum tastes like, when it sends the signals to his vestibular system to keep him from wobbling."

Jaheira: "Weary Jaheira. Over time, her stresses may have shrunk her hippocampus, making its taste more intense."

Karlach: "You consider Karlach's brain stem - the stalk meant to regulate her body's temperature. Will it come pre-cooked?"

Lae'zel*: "Lae'zel's motor cortex - that which controls her fine movements - will be harshly disciplined. That will make her especially chewy - just how you like a cortex to be."

Minsc: "There are cruel rumours spread, that Minsc may once have suffered injury to his brain. You could set the slander right at last - tell the world every bite was perfect."

Minthara: "With all Minthara's hate, you wonder if her cerebro-spinal fluid will be bitter to sip?"

Shadowheart: "Think of Shadowheart's cerebellum, which controls her dextrous hands. Any ritual caster must have a tightly commanded hindbrain."

Wyll: "Wyll's frontal lobe, which processes his judgement and measured words, would be a delicacy befitting his nobility." (Or "fit for a Grand Duke" if that was his outcome.)

(*You can't eat god-Gale's or astral-projection-Lae'zel's brains.)

#astarion #gale #karlach #wyll #lae'zel #shadowheart #jaheira #minsc #minthara #astarion ancunin #gale dekarios #karlach cliffgate #wyll ravengard #meta #also this is so fucking funny to me that mindflayer tav calls astarion smooth brained #mindflayer tav thinks he's stupid like just comes out and says it like that #poor astarion #also not to reveal my day job but i find these brain part selections so funny #personally i would pick the frontal lobe for shadowheart and the prefrontal cortex for wyll #the parietal lobe for astarion is fine i guess but also the post-central gyrus specifically would be his representation of his own body #karlach i would argue should be the hypothalamus but brain stem is fine i guess #minthara should absolutely be the amygdala like come on it's right there eat her amygdala #i wouldnt change the others those are fine #bg3 spoilers

[icycoldninja]

Angsty Astarion headcannons

A/N: Ok, so way back in December of '23, I went through a short Astarion phase because I never went through a Twilight phase as a teen, and during the heat of said phase, I wrote this, and since I'm quite proud of how it turned out, I've decided to post it--but this is a one time only thing, it doesn't mean I write for Astarion or any BG3 characters, at least, not anymore.

Tw: Dark, dark, angsty themes that might make ya cry, proceed with caution.

-Severely claustrophobic and nyctophobic as a result of the underground confinement Cazador had sentenced him to.

-Refuses to go into tiny spaces; his bedroll must be spread out wide like a mat, and his tent must be roomy and airy.

-Sleeps/Meditates/whatever with candles lit. (with a nightlight in a modern AU)

-If the power goes out/wind blows his candles out and he can't light new ones for whatever reason, he will panic. Unless he can go outside and relish in the light of the fire or celestial bodies, or unless you have a flashlight, he will curl up into a little ball and cry softly until either the situation blows over or if you come to help him.

-Despite how much he loves you, there is a tiny part of him that is still afraid you will use him for his body and leave him to die, used up and dry.

-Trust is hard to build with him because of all that's happened, but stay persistent and he'll let his walls down.

-Has night terrors almost every night but is too scared to go to you (or anyone) for help for fear of being found and kidnapped by Cazador somehow--the only exception being very terrifying nightmares that have him screaming.

-Touch starved beyond comprehension.

-Desperately needs someone to hold him at night, or just to hold him in general. It doesn't matter how long, if someone would just give him a hug, it'd make his day.

-Sometimes he worries that you'll leave him because of his heavy emotional baggage.

-Gets crazy jealous and will turn into a bat to spy on you if he suspects anything.

-As time progresses, his negativity and jealousy starts to build up and soon expresses itself through violence. If you two don't do something about it, he could end up hurting you.

-He'd never kill you, but rage clouds the mind. Astarion could hurt you pretty badly, especially with that knife of his, and if he ever did so for whatever reason, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

-Puts on a brave, flirty, sassy face in public, but cries a lot in private. Like a lot.

-Does his best to cry as quietly as he can; an old habit from his time with Cazador. He bites a pillow or clamps his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise, careful to breathe through his nose and limit the noises he makes.

-All he really wants is someone to snuggle his fears away and just be there for him, however possible.

#astarion #Bg3 #baulders gate 3 #baulders gate astarion #Astarion x reader #Angst #Angst headcannons #Sad #poor astarion #Astarion baulder's gate 3 #bg3 astarion #Fanfic #Angsty #angst headcanons #icycoldninja writes

[tumbleweed-run]

Halstarion- Astarion has been captured and not fed for a long period of time (months? years? obviously this is not canon) and Halsin is the one who finds him. No animals around, so Halsin lets him feed, despite Astarion being crazed with hunger. Does Halsin manage to get Astarion off before Astarion drains him, or do other party members have to help?

The hunger isn’t just gnawing at him, it’s consumed him. When Cazador starved him, Astarion was at least offered rats. What a strange place he’s come to, to wish for rats. But the Underdark offers not even the smallest relief. This dank hole is so unfit for life that not even the rodents dare mare their home here. Astarion’s first thought upon being chained in some deeper dark of the Underdark was that this is where all hope dies. And hope did die, but he won’t. He can’t. It doesn’t matter what he wants. 

Astarion survives by giving up. He curls up on the cold floor and slips away. In the world in his head, he’s still on the surface, still standing in the sun. Sometimes everyone is there, and sometimes it's just he and Halsin. That infuriating mountain of an elf who promised he would always want Astarion to remain by his side. Astarion’s almost certain that he’d gone with him in the real world, once the brain had been destroyed but he wonders if he’s confused things. 

It’s likely days have passed. Months. Astarion doesn’t know, but there's part of him that realizes that years could have passed. There’s no way to mark the passage of time. At first, he’d thought they’d found some way to ruin his eyes, to reduce his sight to a mere humans. But he’d quickly come to the startling realization it was just that dark here. Even the glowing mushrooms seemed to have forsaken this place. 

They check on him at times. He hears them, and then the faintest glow illuminates the room almost unbearably. He’s caught glimpses of armor before the sound of stone closing deafens him. Astarion doesn’t even have a reason for why they’d taken him. When he realized they’d never answer his shouted questions or step close enough to put their necks beneath his teeth, Astarion stopped paying attention to them. 

It’s why he doesn’t stir from his place on the hard floor when the stone moves behind him. At least not until the light that fills the room threatens to blind him. There’s screaming then, too, and then a cacophony of voices. Astarion struggles to cover his ears against the racket, and that’s when he realizes the screaming is coming from his own mouth. 

He means to fight against the hands that grab him, that he’s certain of. But his body is no longer obeying his commands, it seems. Instead, he’s limp in someone’s arms. The arms are much too large to belong to the captors he’d seen. Too large to belong to anyone, he thinks half crazed. 

There’s a much fainter glow beyond his eyelids; it still hurts, but it’s manageable… at least when his eyes are closed.

Whoever is carrying him has propped him up, his whole body leaning against something warm and solid. His mouth is all but pulled up, and something soft is shoved against is fangs. Astarion isn’t sure what to make of what’s happening. He’s not even sure this is actually happening. 

Astarion’s body reacts before his mind understands. His mouth fastening to whatever had been placed in it, and he’s swallowing greedily before he even recognizes the metallic tang passing over his tongue.

Blood.

The hazy realization drives him to bite harder. 

As the blood rolls down Astarion’s throat, it’s like his body is slowly coming alive again. For the first time in forever, he doesn’t feel like he’s lying beneath a giant stone, his body slowly regaining strength. Enough for his hands to grab onto the shoulders of whoever has him. His brain is clearing just a little, latching onto the fact that this is really happening. 

The rest of his senses seem to come online next. He can smell the blood and the incredulous scent of pine, something so out of place here. Next, he can hear hushed voices in barely disguised panic from behind him. Astarion feels brave enough to open his eyes, just for a moment. He catches glimpses of glowing mushrooms, of a braid tangled in a mass of hair, of the glint of metal in the distance. 

Another noise comes from beneath Astarion. More of a rumble than an actual sound. And then he realizes.

The scent of a forest. Arms too big to belong to someone. A braid. 

It’s Halsin. Halsin is here with him. It’s Halsin’s blood rushing down his throat. 

He tries to stop. Astarion swears he does, to unlatch his mouth once he understands he’s draining someone he care… someone he knows. But his body and brain seem to be at odds again and it’s not until something (someone) grabs at his shoulders that he finally lets go. 

Astarion collapses back against whoever has grabbed him and manages to flick his eyes open long enough to see the bulk of the druid slide to the ground. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

It’s the first coherent words Astarion has heard this entire time. They’re said weakly, though insistently. He knows it’s Halsin warding off the concerns of whoever was with him, but he feels like the druid is speaking directly to him. Assuring him that he hasn't hurt him as badly as he fears.

#halstarion #astarion x halsin #astarion #halsin #poor astarion

[rindemption]

[strength] headbutt the elf

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 astarion #baldur's gate 3 tav #bg3 tav #paladin therius #and thus begins their romance #man those horns have got to add some extra oomph #poor astarion #rindemption.png #photo of: therius #otp: sharp tooth

[lucrezianoin]

Do you have any recordings of Astarion’s reaction on “I’d rather fuck a goblin, darling” and “id rather kiss a leech” or smth like that? or maybe you know a YouTube channel where it can be found?

YES, I have the leech one somewhere but I cannot find it, so I will upload it now again (and link it here).

And HERE IS THE GOBLIN ONE

#poor astarion #astarion #bg3 vids #bg3 spoilers #i try to tag all vids at bg3 vids

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 3 of Palmarosa:

‘I said I would give you a safeword, you understand what that is?’ ‘Are you serious?’ Astarion said, laughing. ‘You do know who I am, don’t you?’ A frown line on that red forehead, and Astarion fell silent. ‘I don’t trust you not to abuse the privilege of my good will, so there will be a limit. You may use a safeword twice per tenday, or six times in total through the thirty days. That’s it. Any more and I will not credit them, and likely enjoy what caused them to be uttered even more.’ The House of Hope was warm, but it was ice that threaded its way through Astarion’s marrow. ‘I will, instead, offer you the mercy plea. Do you know what that is?’ Astarion’s lips pressed together. Raphael smiled before continuing. ‘It is when you cry the word ‘mercy,’ and I…take that under advisement as to whether I’ll consider taking it easy on you or not. I rather like the idea of you mewling the word beneath me, so you may say that as many times as you wish. Your safeword, by the way, is Temter.’ ‘Don’t,’ Astarion said, before he’d even realised he was going to say it. Then he was standing, before he even knew he was going to do that. ‘Don’t you dare!’

#bg3 fic #palmarosa #bg3 astarion #bg3 raphael #raphael x astarion #astarion x raphael #thespectaclesofthor #got a solid 1900 words down tonight #poor astarion

[cpt-quinn-ryder]

“This group is full of weirdos” is even funnier when we’re all wearing clown make up 😂

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate iii #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #clown #shapechanger #down to clown #tears of a clown #poor Astarion

[ryathenaughtykitsune]

Handcuffed

She had woken up with a throbbing headache in a cell and clutched at her head only to be stopped by the clank of cuffs. Looking down at the said cuffs then over to the person she was chained to.

Oh... him...

The pale fucker with white hair that threatened her ass. 'What was his name?'

"Oi... Dick fuck...where's my kid?"

#on target (ic) #asked and answered #astarion #bringxthexfirexmultimusesx #poor astarion #chained next to a crazy bitch #*mun is shot*

[margonite-seer]

I don't know how else to be with someone. No matter how much I'd like to.

I used the photomode mod to take a look at Astarion's love confession scene. Normally, the camera is focused on Tav when choosing what to say.

These are the expressions Astarion is making off-screen while you are hovering over dialogue options.

#he is so afraid and vulnerable #my poor baby (sobs) #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #not gw2

[lesbianshadowheart]

omw to help every child in need and lost puppy in faerun with a hungry vampire, a dark cultist, and hell's favourite warrior at my side

#bg3 #astarion #shadowheart #karlach #the characters in this game r just so fun #and then we all walk into a trap and die cuz our passive perception is piss poor #but its ok because we slay cuntaciously

[ria-neearts]

Astarion.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #my poor baby boy #my art #tw:blood

[twi-liight]

Petty Jealousy ❣

Tav's companions cannot fathom them potentially having other friends. ❥ Astarion/reader, Astarion/Tav, but also Companions/reader. I'm a Tavrem supremacist. ❥ Contains my own personal headcanon for why the companions call them "Tav" instead of their first name, which is justification for me loopholing the eternal problem of xreader writers having to wince when they use "F/N" or "Y/N". ❥ They/them pronouns for Tav/reader!

“Look,” Astarion hisses, “look at that!” 

5 pairs of eyes land on the offender of the night (which, to their surprise, isn’t Astarion) who conversed pleasantly with the leader of their party. A half-elf with a sharp jaw, proud brow, and mirthful eyes looks extraordinarily ordinary compared to their merry band of freaks. 

“Who is that, again?” Shadowheart asks absently. “Tav suggested I rest for today instead of mapping out the Underdark with the party, and the next thing I know, they’ve brought back another little companion.” 

Astarion’s jaw twitches. He snaps out, “Companion or complication?”

Gale crosses his arms, shrugging, used to Astarion’s temper running hot then cold. “His name is Nilmorn - a luthier. Tav took an interest in his wares. He makes a living selling stringed instruments in the Underdark. Strange place to sell such things.” 

Ugh. Astarion sighs, shaking his head. Leave it to Gale to traipse over the obvious. A sharpened mind like his would surely know that this Nilmorn has no place here, if not to be a bloodbag for him to slurp on. Beyond that, what use does this pretty boy have? Nilmorn sells wares that are utterly useless to them. He’s quite boring and one-dimensional, too, a character that strays too much into the side of “moral good” for Astarion to tolerate. 

 “Yes, yes, Gale, but have you considered how strange it is that he has invited himself to our camp?” Astarion flares out his hand towards the wizard, as if handing him common sense on his palm. 

“I,” Gale begins, blinking his wet, beautiful brown eyes at Astarion, “invited myself to this journey, Astarion. I am quite hurt you forgot. I thought what we had was special!” 

“Yes, but you’re weird!” Astarion exclaims. “You’re a freak with a bomb in your body because of your situationship with Mystra! That,” Astarion points an accusatory finger in the direction of Nilmorn, in which 5 pairs of eyes look at him again, “is someone so unbelievably normal he doesn’t even have any, any…” He gestures, articulates with his hands to placate his words. 

“No dubious motives?” Shadowheart offers, a smirk coyly playing on her lips. 

“No complicated backstory?” Wyll pipes in. Astarion’s eyes flicker to him, and irritation seeps into his skin when he finds Wyll smiling wryly, as if the warlock is in on some joke he is not picking up on. “No, I don’t know, god that has let him down in some way, shape, or form?” 

“Certainly no skills for fighting.” Lae’zel, thank the gods for Lae’zel. Her smooth voice hides none of her displeasure, and those sharp, slitted eyes stare across the fire to dig daggers into Nilmorn’s back. “Useless. We have no need for string-ed instruments. Let Tav pick one, and send this half-elf on his way.” 

Yes. Yes. Astarion nods eagerly.

“Hmmm. I almost envy his mundaneity,” Karlach adds,  “but I mean, he’s not that bad, Astari. Man’s just trying to make the world a better place, one string at a time.” 

Astarion almost throws up. He looks to the other companions helplessly. “Darlings. Please tell me you are not going to let Karlach get away with saying something so putridly motivational.” 

Karlach tosses her head back and cackles, much to Astarion's chagrin.

“Something is obviously bothering you,” Shadowheart states bluntly. Her green eyes watch his expression carefully in the firelight; she finds something there, but does not say it outright. With an exhale through her nose, as if it is painful for her to attempt a conversation with him, Shadowheart decides to throw him a bone: “Are you jealous?” 

He does not catch the bone. The bone slams right into his head as he stares at Shadowheart, slack-jawed and scandalized. Him? Jealous? “You must be joking.”

“Aw,” Shadowheart croons, another one of her insufferable smirks toying on her lips, “you are.” 

If he had mindflayer powers beyond reading her reprehensible surface-level thoughts, he would make Shadowheart’s head explode. Or something. 

He must establish his dignity in the group once more. He cannot handle more of this, especially not with Wyll grinning so wide, not self-aware enough that if he did not have a sexy demon controlling his life because he didn’t read the terms of conditions of a motherfucking contract, Astarion would bully him more.

“That is not the point here. Look,” he says. “I am just saying that our Tav is desirable in every way. Physically, we can all agree that Tav is attractive. Yes?” 

Yes. They all nod their heads. 

“Tav is a little strange, but they are our leader, and they got us this far somehow. Who knew caring about other people could go a long way.” 

Yes. They all nod their heads, except Wyll and Karlach, who look amongst the group with sheer disappointment on their faces. “Gods,” Karlach groans into her hand, “we– we need to unpack that later, gang. That’s just really sad.” 

“Lastly, Tav is strong. Strong enough to split apart the mountains and the sky, I imagine.” Strong enough to bury Cazador into the ground, hopefully. “Strong enough to face a god unwaveringly. Strong enough to persevere. Strong enough to be kind, despite everything. Despite what they think, they are charismatic, and they are the entire package. The only person who does not know of their value is Tav themselves.” 

They watch Tav’s lips quirk into a smile as Nilmorn holds a lyre out for them upon his smooth hands. Smooth, no sign of scars, no sign of complications. Just so unbearably mundane. Unbearably good. Unbearably kind. 

Unbearably unaware of their true nature.

Nilmorn does not know why they nicknamed them Tav, despite their name being [F/N]. Their unstoppable quench to loot everything and anything set back their timeline by weeks, no doubt. Reaching into barrels, reaching into the pockets of bandits, reaching into damn silk cocoons, reaching into whatever their curious little hands can salvage. It annoyed Astarion at first, but then Tav would find all of these weapons and armors and foods and coins and books. Normalcies and luxuries that made camp life feel less of a drab and more exciting. 

The gleaming, golden dagger at his side? They found it. The boots, the armor, the enchanted rings and necklaces they either found, bartered, or killed for their companions. Thus - Tav, short for tavara, the word meaning wares and merchandise; a clever little nickname Gale came up for their leader who is too good for all of them combined. 

“Any other party could whisk them away, you know,” Astarion says. “Tav could find a party of good, decent people, unlike any of us, without the mess and complication and hurt we cause them, and leave. Remember, my dears. It is not us who is irreplaceable. It is Tav.” 

How long would Tav tolerate him? Not long, he thinks. Long enough until he has expended his use for them, surely, but not forever. That's why anyone who wants Tav beyond sex or strength is a threat. If he hadn’t seduced his way into their heart, he wouldn’t be here where he stands, with a group of people who make him feel a little less alone. 

No doubt he would be in a cage on the back of a covered wagon that belongs to that disgusting gyr, Gandrel, his chain to Cazador growing shorter and shorter.

Silence. Tense and still. They watch as Tav laughs lightly, eyes alighting with amusement as Nilmorn cracks another joke. 

"You should meet my other companions," they hear Nilmorn offer, "I just know they would love to have you."

Revelation slams into each and every one of them like a magic missile.

“He’s not that funny,” Shadowheart mutters. She bends down, hands gripping tightly around the handle of her mace. “I don’t know why they are laughing that hard.”

“He can try to leave with his head on his shoulders,” snarls Lae’zel, “just say the word, Astarion.” 

Excellent. 

“What-” Wyll turns to Gale and Karlach. “We should stop them, shouldn’t we? There are no implications of this man trying to steal Tav away, he's just being nice, you worthless cunts! This is not fair to him!” 

“We’re in the Underdark, aren’t we? Super deep. Doubt anyone who cares for him will come looking for him.” 

“Karlach!” 

“Astute observation! To make this all a little easier on us, I can most certainly put this man to sleep.” 

“Gale?!” 

“Go on, Lae’zel,” Astarion grins wickedly, “attack!”

“Oh, hells,” Wyll stumbles back, then turns quickly to the other direction towards Halsin. “Halsin! Halsin - they’re trying to murder someone again!” 

❥ Additional links: kofi | ao3

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion x reader #astarion x you #gale x reader #gale x you #shadowheart x reader #shadowheart x you #lae'zel x reader #lae'zel x you #karlach x reader #karlach x you #bg3 x reader #bg3 x you #baldur's gate 3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x you #poor nilmorn. just wanted to sell his lil instruments. dies because he smiles too prettily

[lazylittledragon]

I've been loving your domestic life Astarion and Dorian comics! Both the actual content and your drawing style are so good!

No pressure to answer at all, but I'm super curious how Dorian would have handled being a sea horse dad? Like super uncomfortable gender disphoria or glowing and loving it?

thank you!!!

i think he probably would’ve just vibed through it? elf gender roles are funky and he’s not really ‘gender conforming’ anyway so i feel like he’d just be chill about it

also there would be a Lot of knitting to do as a distraction

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tavstarion #dadstarion #i think the worst part of it for him is that it was just a minute before he was FULLY ready for it #and also poor astarion who didn’t think he’d be in that position Ever #and now has to deal with That #personally i do Zero gender roles in fantasy but i know dnd hasn’t caught up yet #i think it’s funny when cishet men insist on gendering fantasy SO hard #my guy there are dragons why do you care

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

Durge: *Slams a cultist up against a wall, holding them by the throat.* I'm going to enjoy skinning you alive. I'll make it slow, so that by the time it's done your throat will have bled raw from your agonized screams.

Astarion: Darling, I'm hurt. I thought that sort of talk you only reserved for me in the fervor of our bedroom?

*Collective groans of exasperation and disgust.*

Lae'zel: Kainyank! Put gold into the Jack's Ass jar.

Gale: *Holds up jar.* Jackass jar. We've gone over this.

Lae'zel: As I have said before, this term 'jackass' is illogical. Who is this Jack and why is it an insult to call somebody his ass?

Gale: And as I have said before, there is no Jack! That's just what the word is! It doesn't have to be logical!

Lae'zel: You humans are tiresomely vexing. I propose we call it the Galeass jar. Then, at least, the insult will have weight.

Astarion: *Drops a gold into the Galeass jar.* Worth it.

- - - -

BG3 Incorrect Quotes Masterlist.

#That poor cultist had to hear this shit right before he died #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur’s gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 memes #bg3 incorrect quotes #bg3 funny #bg3 headcanons #bg3 writing #bg3 astarion #astarion #gale bg3 #gale of waterdeep #lae'zel bg3 #lae'zel #bg3 dialogue #the dark urge #durge bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fanfic

[hyakunana]

POV: Even with advantage and buffs, your local folk hero just rolled 1 in Intimidation

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #larian studios #wyll ravengard #wulbren bongle #shadowheart #astarion #comics #fanart #poor wyll so polite even when intimidating #and against WULBREN OF ALL PEOPLE #'but where is barcus??' still stuck on the windmill because i forgot to rescue him whoops #im a failure of a folk hero #i kinda thought of having wulbren kickin his leg or a piece of steel watch hitting him but those would be other tests #plus im kinda on an art slump so im taking easy w myself dfghjk #like i said on twitter - i should NOT be allowed to inspo reroll after this fail - but i hit reroll too fast sdfghjklkjhgf #4th member of the team was lae'zel and i didn't know what to do with her #so i rather imagine she was offscream callin raphael to take her soul for the hammer bc she cant take this embarrassment

[y-rhywbeth2]

Thinking about vampirism in D&D again... Considering the tadpole shut down most of the abilities Astarion's just taken for granted for about 200 years, as discussed by him and Shadowheart:

3. Astarion: It's a long time since I was in a house of healing. Gods, it's depressing.

0. Shadowheart: I suppose you don't have much use for hospitals... unless you're seeking to steal their blood stock.

2. Astarion: True, although I don't heal as fast as I used to. The one downside to the tadpole, I suppose.

1. Shadowheart: The one downside? I think you might have stopped the count too soon... End

Well, Astarion is probably used to watching his injuries start closing up the moment he gets them. This whole thing where wounds just stay open, potentially kill you and hurt all day is a new one. I wonder if he worked out his regeneration was nullified before he got himself severely injured... His assessment of damage might be a bit out of practice.

There's also the fact that vampires have supernaturally boosted physical capabilities; the default vampire spawn strength score is more along the lines of 16.

While I am attached to Astarion's horrible noodly score of 8, the concept of him absentmindedly trying to lift things far too heavy for him without vampirism giving him an edge is funny (and honestly could very well tie in to discovering the lack of regeneration when he hurts himself). His reflexes are still good, but they would've been better so he probably finds himself quite clumsy.

His senses of sight, hearing and smell might've gotten duller too (if he complains about this nobody is going to have sympathy - he's an elf, he has the sharpest senses by default). His sense of touch, on the other hand, might've been restored (it's duller for the undead). You know what will make Astarion's already charming attitude [affectionate-and-derogatory] better? Overstimulation.

And after he adjusts the tadpole is removed, and it's back to the adjustment period.

#I'm sick and on the verge of death (not really) so for some reason my brain thought of this because it's relevant or something #Astarion would be the worst patient #things to consider when ill: Astarion spraining something while trying to move a bookcase with one hand or something #Poor Shadowheart having to heal a moron who hasn't needed it for centuries #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 #babbling