#post on social media about mental illness anymore and you feel so hopeless because your mother had made it clear that she wont be getting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

billdecker · 2 years

Text

a life update...

i was meant to go to robbie williams’ homecoming gig at vale park this saturday gone. i made the decision a few weeks ago i wasn’t going to go because of covid anxiety and general health stuff. it sucked bc he was my childhood/teen absolute favourite and the last time i saw him i was 11 years old and it was his last tour with take that. i also wanted to go bc i’d be spending time with my mum. despite her living like 10mins away and my dad visiting almost every sunday she NEVER visits. it’s been since christmas 2018?? so i had this nice idea we’d spend some time seeing him and i could take her to see him like she took me to see take that. it sucked and it sucked even more she took my sister to see him when she said she was going to take my dad.

anyway, she asked me if i wanted anything recording and i said no regrets (teen angst) and angels (my nan loved him too and it was her fav). and i was fine. a bit sad on saturday but i coped. then i was bombarded with videos and pics from her and my sis of different songs. the first i opened was he sang could it be magic. that song was/is my fav TT song. it means a lot. when TT were first around they were pure escapism for me when my dad got made redundant and things were absolute shit as a kid growing up in major’s britain. likeTT were the one thing that made me happy. and as soon as i saw the video i LOST it. i went from feeling like ‘this sucks’ to full blown breakdown where D almost called out family/medical help.

it didn’t just felt like another thing i’ve lost in my life due to my agoraphobia. i’ve missed plenty of gigs. missed baynton do the play holes. i didn’t even get to visit my nan before she was fine. i’ve rationalised all of this fine. it’s not my fault. but this time i absolutely lost it. i haven’t been that bad in YEARS. like, i didn’t want to be here anymore. what’s the point of my life when i have no life at all? i can’t go out and enjoy things. i don’t see anything or anyone. my own mum won’t even come to see me. i just felt hopeless.

but then i chatted to a very good friend and i felt better. watching the videos from within the crowd made me feel ill alone. i’m scared of open spaces but also packed crowds like that. the claustrophobia was choking me as i watched the videos. i realised i wouldn’t cope with how loud it is, the bright lights, all of the pissheads surrounding me (my sis said everyone was tanked up), and maybe it’s ok to accept my limitations. it’s difficult when people say you have no life and you’re small minded if you don’t travel or experience things, or that you see people flaunting their lives on social media and you’re just stuck in your flat. if i got some sort of diagnosis then at least i could begin to work towards coping mechanisms. i could live a small life but a happy one.

i’m not depressed. i know what it’s like to be depressed. i’ve not been on any medication for 11 years now. but when it’s the outside and sensory stuff i just can’t cope. i’m not gonna get an nhs diagnosis any time soon (they’ll just go on about trying to get me to have a gastric band) so i’ve gotta sell most of my jewellery collection to get the money for a private one. but i’m also tentative to do that because 1) it’s a couple of grand and 2) what if i pay that money and they go lol no, you don’t have that diagnosis (we suspect autism from everything). i’ve been misdiagnosed constantly with various mental illnesses since the age of 15 and none of them fit me at all. i’m almost 39. i don’t know if i’d cope again.

so now three/four days on i’m still completely drained. i’m spending my days zoned out. my drafts post saved is huge because i can’t bring myself to watch any dr who yet to make gifs to put in the queue (my martha gifs have nowhere near the numbers the rose ones did, surprise surprise). today is the first day i feel a bit more myself and i can write this.

it just all sucks. i wish i had something nice to tell you all about.

at least love island is back

#mental health stuff here lads #it's not been great here

7 notes · View notes

gothiero · 3 years

Text

#that funny and rekatable moment when you cry yourself to sleep at 8:30 pm and then have a fucked up dream and then wale up at 10 pm #and youre ao hungey that you can hear ur stomach audibly growling and u can hear ur mom making food in the kitchen but youre not sure if the #world is real or not and so then you start feeling every emotion and no emotions at all at the same time which theows you into a crying fit #and you start to wish you were dead so you didnt have to deal with the numbness or the breakdowns anymore and sk you wouldnt have to vague #post on social media about mental illness anymore and you feel so hopeless because your mother had made it clear that she wont be getting #you treatmeant until at least september IF you can prove to her that you arent making it up and you dont think you can make it that long #and so it feels like theres no point in eaking up anymore but you cant say that or else youre being dramatic or lazy or weak and so you DONT #say it and you just let it fester inside you until its too late #god bless!#vent #dontrb #tem.txt

7 notes · View notes

viostormcaller · 5 years

Text

unpopular opinion, but...

I dont think people seem to realize that not everyone wants to be forcefully reminded about all these major bad events all the time. Yes, it's important to spread awareness, but let's face it: the world is a really depressing place to be living in right now, and with one in four people having some form of mental illness nowadays (if I have my facts right; in any case that's a LOT of people), it gets hard to handle and hard to cope. Sometimes it can even feel impossible.

A trend that I noticed going around is that, often, memes that become popular are then used by the op to remind everyone of some well-known terrible event or another that's currently going on. Like I said, spreading awareness is a good thing, but it really drives home that hopelessness feeling; now, you can't enjoy a meme without leaving with a depressed feeling knowing that the world is still pretty terrible and won't really be changing anytime soon.

We live in a time of advanced technology. With that also comes the constant bombardment of news, often which is bad news -- you never really hear good news. You can block as many tags as you like, but you literally cannot escape the news and politics, even if you never watch a news channel or read news articles. Especially when most don't tag their posts anyways so you can't actually blacklist them.

So, people turn to distractions. Some turn to reading, others turn to video games, and yet others turned to, you guessed it, memes. Because sometimes a stupid joke is all you need to make you laugh and forget the world's troubles for a short moment. But with how things are now, you see the joke, laugh for a second, and then read about op letting everyone know that "hey, while everyone's here and I have your attention, 'x' terrible thing is going on and you need to know about it!" and then you leave with that hopelessness right back in your heart because you can't seem to truly escape the one thing you're trying to momentarily forget in order to allow yourself some release from the otherwise-constant grief.

The main thing people will do is tell you to take a break from the internet and to "take care of yourself." But what about those who aren't even on that much in the first place? Who just wanted to take a moment out of their day to enjoy some harmless jokes and left feeling dispaired and upset? Taking care of yourself is all well and good, but wouldn't that end up with you being unable to enjoy those harmless jokes anymore simply because of constant reminders of politics? I'm not bashing self-care, don't get me wrong. It's important to take care of yourself and not spend all your time on the internet. But a lot of times it just kinda feels like you're being told (at least, in my case, I can't speak for everyone): "It's your own fault your upset. Take responsibility for your own happiness and take better care of yourself if this upsets you." And while I know this isn't the intention at all and those who say it are always well-meaning, it still stings an little because weren't you already trying to take care of yourself by providing yourself a few seconds of happiness? On the days you don't have the energy to pick up a video game or a book or a pencil and paper, sometimes all you want to do is laugh at really stupid jokes. And one should be allowed to do that.

I know me venting my frustrations isn't changing anything; the world still sucks and people will continue using memes to boost their post about the terrible events happening within it, and I won't be able to escape the bad shit unless I delete every single social media I have and deprive myself of basically almost all forms of online entertainment. It just sucks that this is what the world is coming to. The world is awful and I don't have any power or mental energy to do anything about it, so to be constantly reminded about both of those things really just rubs salt in the wound.

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive about this. Knowing me, probably. But I at least wanted to say something so that you're all aware just why my mental headspace has been so almost-constantly terrible on top of all the shit that goes on at home. Maybe some people will relate to this, but if not, that's alright. I at least wanted to say something about it, since it's been bugging me for a few months.

#vio stormcaller #long post #rant #now excuse me while i go bite back the nausea that just won't seem to go away

8 notes · View notes

fatimapirante-blog · 5 years

Text

Articles

Text 1 Title of the Text: Depression Author of the Text: Ranna Parekh Title of the Publication: American Psychiatric Association URL or Web Address: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

Depression. It’s a heavy word, and one that we are all too familiar with in our day and age. Depression isn’t equivalent to sadness it’s a serious medical condition. It isn’t something that can be controlled manually. Although all age groups are open to depression, teenagers are the most common to be heard of being affected by the disease. This is probably because of peer pressure and the changes in their life. Although women are three times more likely to become depressed than men, men are five times more likely to commit suicide when depressed than woman.

Depression is more common in woman because woman are more ruminative than men, they tend to think about things more which, though a very god thing, may also predispose them to developing depression. Woman are generally more invested in relationships than men. Relationship problems are likely to affect them more, and so they are more likely to develop depression. Also, women come under more stress than men. Not only do they have to go work just like men, but they may also be expected to bear the brunt of maintaining a home, bringing up children, caring for older relatives, and putting up with all the sexism.

There are many symptoms of depression. Sadness and loss of satisfaction in things once enjoyed are probably the most known symptoms. But some symptoms are sometimes over looked. Guilt is one symptom that coincides with depression immensely. When feelings of guilt are put on a person they lose what hope they once had.

They blame themselves for things that they are not accountable for and have extreme feelings of hopelessness. Stress is another great factor in depression. Stressful events or experiences can stimulate depression in people who are predetermined to the disorder.

Depression is not only a state of being sad, it is a disease that conquers the ability to feel emotion, whether good or bad, whatsoever. Depression not only involves the mind, it also involves the body and thoughts. It is a serious but treatable disorder that affects millions of people, from young to old. It gets in the way of everyday life, causing tremendous pain, hurting not just those suffering from it but also impacting everyone around them.

If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt and sadness. These feelings are all normal. Its not easy dealing with a friend or family member’s depression. If you neglect your own health, it can become overwhelming. That said, your companionship and support can be crucial to you loved one’s recovery. You can help them to cope with depressions symptoms, overcome negative thoughts, and regain their energy, optimism, and enjoyment of life.

Start by learning all you can about depression and how to best talk about depression and how to best talk about it with your friend or family member. But as you reach out, don’t forget to look after your own emotional health, you’ll need it to provide the full support your loved one needs.

Depression make it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people they love the most. You can’t rescue someone from depression nor fix the problem for them. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for their happiness. While you can offer love and support, ultimate recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

Depression can be managed with professional treatment. People who receive professional treatment for depression said it improved their mental their mental condition. The doctor can treat any medical issues that may be responsible for the symptoms of depression, and if medication is an issue, the hospital provides other options as well.

Depression is a serious problem, but there are millions of people who have managed to lead successful lives despite struggling with it. It’s important that society recognizes depression for what it is. It’s an illness, not a choice.

youtube

Text 2 Title of the Text: Education Author of the Text: Marion Lewis Title of the Publication: Huffpost URL or Web Address: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/home-schooling-vs-public-schooling-making-the-right_b_57d277c3e4b0f831f7071a82?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cudHVtYmxyLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAdTS0lhVxVQdiEckP6_R1TJARxC-hId68ORXr_Cqx4l6f2lO1nszEmcl_Q3YCyie7HfNJG_O8w18wsT4O6IonH2edBVsIRm1mUX23XjjZZNaNFp_55CodE6naHBt9euMvmJH6RtzsUIUBfrDFAHBHQ9WJk9DlIgc-bYl0XHYJsG

According to the article ��Education plays an important role in human life regarding to build their personality, career , and mental growth”. Education helps us to build our own foundation and to widen our knowledge to our surroundings. Education empowers minds that will be able to conceive good thoughts and ideas. It enables students to do the analysis while making life decisions. It helps you to achieve your dreams, to be a doctor, engineer and many more.

We can also bring positive changes to the society, government and economic. Through government , education is one of the ways to prevent corruption and other environmental problems. To society, Education makes us better citizens by teaching us how to conduct ourselves through life by following rules and regulations and giving us a sense of conscience. Lastly, to economic, education helps the people to build more good structures and technology so that people would live a safety and enjoyable lifestyle.

As Nelson Mandela stated “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”. Education is used to empower ones mind to come up with new ideas new vision and plans for the society. Education is one of the reasons why our community is improving such as gadgets, houses and many more. Education grows as values. If you have the skills but don’t have the values then educated person become useless. Education has to be accessible to all. Thanks to modern technologies and internet innovators. Due to them, now rural people, poor people, and people living in huts are able to get access to education through mobiles phones.

There are difference between schooling and education. Schooling takes place in the home environment, while education may take place in schools, colleges or universities. Home schooling has steadily become one of the most popular forms of education for parents across the world. According to research, it develops increasingly fast at an approximate annual rate of 7-15 percent per year.

There are parents who believe that school environment can spoil the young minds and prevent them from developing independent thinking abilities. Basically, this reflects the difference between homeschooling and education, because in case of homeschooling children have a greater opportunity to develop certain skills that they would not be able to develop at school.

However, another difference lies in the fact that school might affect children negatively because of some categories of people they socialize with at school. This is a perceptible difference between home and school education.Some parents are concerned about the academic quality of various public schools due to the overcrowded classrooms. This is another difference between homeschooling and school education. It is reflected in the fact that school environment suggests educating a great number of students which prevents individual students from developing in a right way and receiving a quality education.

Furthermore, some parents have to take care of children with special needs for whom homeschooling is the best option, because home environment provides better conditions for their development. In this regard, it should be noted that another difference between homeschooling and education is that education does not provide means for accommodating needy students, which makes it an inappropriate form of education for students with disabilities.

Text 3 Title of the Text: Bullying Author of the Text: Roxanne Dryden-Edwards Title of the Publication: Bullying Facts URL or Web Address: https://www.medicinenet.com/bullying/article.htm

Bullying is the big part of the fear of most people going to face. Bullying can lead to self harm. In severe cases, bullying can even lead to death. No matter how someone is bullied, face to face, publicly over the internet or anonymously over the internet, all cases extreme pain to the victim. Others who choose to do nothing or don’t reach out for help the victims of bully may secretly cut or harm themselves. Some they become depressed and think suicidal thoughts. This victims of bullies decide they can’t handle life itself anymore so they commit suicide.

Most of the teens bully through online or in social media because it is easy, you can just type, click and post even without them knowing who you are. Cyber bullying is very unhealthy though it never touches our body or we’re not physically damaged, but it causes us to become depress and can make us experience anxiety. We are mentally and emotionally damaged that can lead us to suicide.

Bullying is a deliberate act to hurt someone physically, verbally or psychologically. Bullying is an issue of power. Bullying is when individual or groups persistently over a period of time, behave in ways, which causes another person to feel hurt, physically or non-physically. Using technology, a person can be able to bully without the face to face confrontation. Bullies can be anyone because they can hide behind technology becoming anonymous. These makes finding the bully very difficult.

youtube

There are many different types of bullying that can be experienced by children and adults alike, some are obvious to spot while others can be more subtle. The different types of bullying that we look at below are some of the ways that bullying could be happening. Physical bullying includes, hitting, kicking, tripping, pinching and pushing or damaging property. Verbal bullying includes name calling, insults or verbal abuse. While verbal bullying can start off harmless, it can escalate to levels which start affecting the individual target. Social bullying is often harder to recognize and can be carried out behind the bullied person’s back. It is designed to harm someone’s social reputation and/or cause humiliation. Cyber bullying can be overt or covert bullying behaviors using digital technologies, including hardware such as computers and smartphones, social media and other online platforms.

There are several sites on the internet that offer advice on how to deal with bullies. Some of the suggestions that can be found are to make sure to tell a teacher, tell parents, be aware when walking alone, always stay calm when being bullied, make sure to use one voice to attract attention. Talk to someone. As hard as bullying is to deal with, one day you will be out of school and never have to see these people again. In the meantime, fond someone you can confide in. Talk to your parents or a counselor. They may be able to help.

Bullying can never be a joke, it causes major destruction to ourselves. It will never be good to bully someone though you can make some people laugh, but the point is you just hurt or win someone’s feeling and life. Stand up for friends and others you see being bullied. Your actions help the victim feel supported and may stop bullying. Some people bully to deal with their own feelings of stress, anger, or frustration. Bullies might also have been bullied and now want to show their power by bullying someone else. Even though people are different, it’s important to treat everyone with respect.

Text 4 Title of the Text: Pollution Author of the Text: Archana Title of the Publication: India Celebrating URL or Web Address: https://www.indiacelebrating.com/article/article-on-pollution/

Anything added into the environment that results in producing harmful or poisonous effect on living things is called pollution. Pollution is the process that makes nature’s resources such as land, water, air or other parts of the environment unsafe or unsuitable to use. Pollution can be of many types: soil, air, water, thermal, radioactive, noise, and light. The toxins released are inhaled by each one of us while we breathe. Pollution is a process of making the environment dirty and unhealthy for humans and animals to live. It is caused due to the release of both tangible and intangible contaminants. These can be released naturally or by humans themselves accidentally or deliberately.

Inhaling poisonous air is as hazardous as smoking. It is not only the humans who are affected from this polluted environment but also the animals. Air is filled with highly toxic gases. These dangerous gases in environment are released by the power industries that burn fossil fuels, industries that dispose wastes in the water, farmers using pesticides, high usage of artificial lights and loud sounds. Any use of natural resources at a rate higher than the nature’s capacity to restore itself can result in pollution of air, water, and land. Other than human activities, there are a few periodic natural cycles that also result in release of dangerous stuff. Natural activities other than the human activities like volcanic eruption, dust wildfires, etc also result in creation of pollution.

Pollution disturbs our ecosystem and the balance in the environment. Each year millions of people die due to various diseases caused by pollution. The biggest irony of all this is that even if we know that the earth is getting polluted, ultimately it is the human beings themselves who dig their own grave by doing deliberate activities because of which pollution is caused. It does not only spoil human beings’ health but also worsen their quality of life.In order to fight this life threatening effects of pollution, vigorous efforts should be made. Anti-pollution laws should be strictly implemented. In order to check water pollution, sewage and the factory wastes should be properly disposed off and vehicles should be made eco-friendly.

Every individual owns certain responsibility of maintaining few points such as not throwing garbage all around, growing trees, using public transport instead of their own, etc. We must shun excessive consumption and avoid careless and deliberate disposal of post-consumption waste resources which could otherwise be recycled and would led to pollution control. Pollution cannot be reduced or controlled if a sense of responsibility towards our Mother Earth is not felt by all concerned. Pollution can be controlled, if not eliminated. Efforts such as promoting green environment and proper disposal of waste are simple steps that lead to great emphasis on maintaining the order of environment. Environmental pollution is a global problem today. Public awareness is a must to prevent pollution. Population control will also help to save the world from environmental pollution. Scientific exploitation of natural resources is yet another step to prevent environmental pollution. Let us not destroy the place we live in for there is no other place we can go.

youtube

3 notes · View notes

happiness4jane · 5 years

Text

The Scariest Thing I’ve Ever Done

Subscribe to post at www.happinessforjane.com. Share if you’re moved to!

Well, this is terrifying. Paralyzing almost. My hands are literally trembling as I try to punch the letters on my keyboard. When I allow myself to think about the people that might read this. People I know. People I work with. Students I teach. Students I’ve taught. My soon-to-be-in-laws. My exes. Their families (they’ll say, “I told you so!”). My friends. Their friends. My family. My children. All 836 of my Facebook “friends” are potential critics. And they’ll share it with even more people that might know me or will know me, that see me around and will avoid making eye contact with me in Walmart forevermore! When I allow myself to think about that – the people that might read this – every self-doubting, loathing, shaming, insecure demon inside me surfaces in protest. BUT… but. That’s the point, after all. For people to read this. To maybe help others claw their way out of the uncompromising, crippling, and degenerative grasp of the illness known as Bipolar Disorder (no, but seriously, this scares the shit out of me and I can’t breathe).

Here’s the thing though – I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. It isn’t fair we live in a society that shames people with mental illness into silence. That calls us “crazy”. We can’t just snap our fingers and make it go away (but, oh, if I could!). We can’t just act normal, act rational. It’s not something we can tame on command. And we didn’t choose this. Who would choose this?! Who would choose to leave behind a legacy of wreckage? Well, I don’t doubt there are some who’d choose that… As for me, when I think on all the destroyed relationships, the lost jobs, the unfinished projects and departed dreams, the reckless moments that would haunt me for years, the countless days stolen away by infinite darkness… the shame, the shame, the shame – I would never choose this. And yet, despite all the chaos and ruin and regret, it took me about twenty years to get help. Why? The simple answer is, I didn’t want to be Bipolar. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy (Ha! Like they didn’t already!). So, I refused to accept it. I refused to seek treatment. And it got worse. Much, much worse.

About seven months ago, after another life-is-amazing-and-I-don’t-need-to-sleep-and-I’ll-hyper-focus-and-finish-that-novel-and-train-for-that-marathon-and-FUCK!-you-better-stop-getting-in-my-way-or-I’ll-bite-your-damn-head-off-so-feed-yourself elevated state (Symptoms of a manic episode: increased activity, energy or agitation; decreased need for sleep; abnormally upbeat) followed inevitably by a crashing-into-bed-and-plotting-out-the-details-of-my-exit-because-I-just-can’t-live-in-this-world-anymore-and-I’m-worthless-and-horrible-and-you’d-all-be-better-off-without-me depressed state (Symptoms of a major depressive episode: feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness; marked loss of interest in activities; fatigue; feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt; thinking about, planning, or attempting suicide), I sought the help of a counselor. So, what changed, you might be wondering? What made me seek treatment at this point, after shunning it for so many years? Well, it used to be that I had normal periods of time between the depression and the elevation. It used to be fun and ambitious and productive (euphoric but always beguiling) to be elevated. It used to be the depression came maybe a couple times a year. The unwarranted distrust and insecurity and ultra-sensitivity was fleeting. The suicidal thoughts were daunting rather than soothing. That’s what used to be. It was easier to pretend I was normal then. I was just eccentric! I was special! Like some of the greatest artists and inventors and individuals that made history. I was a mad genius just like Salvador Dali, Vincent Van Gogh, Charlie Chaplin, Ben Franklin, Sir Isaac Newton, Michelangelo (Symptom: exaggerated sense of self). I was able to ride that train of twisted thought for a long long time, because I could finish what I started then, because I was younger then, and there was always another job, another lover, another place that would accept me. But around seven years ago, that all began to change. The depression seized more frequently. The elevation became less euphoric and more agitated, even rageful at times – lashing out at and rejecting the people I loved most. I started projects but never finished them. It became more and more difficult to go to work, and when I got there, I had to convince myself out of the car and into the classroom. In the classroom, I felt like an alien. I couldn’t stay on track, couldn’t focus my thoughts (Symptom: rapid and frenzied speaking, racing thoughts). I felt like I was disconnected from everything around me, like I wasn’t real (Symptom: dissociation). And then over the past year, the episodes seemed to be crashing right on top of each another with no reprieve in-between. It was relentless, crippling. One day of unbridled energy followed by two days of extreme irritability followed by one day of bed-ridden depression and then rinse, lather, repeat. Weeks, months, a year like this. The darkness that occasionally consumed my thoughts mutated to a pervasive utter blackness – leaving a void where hope and happiness used to visit. My fiancé pleading with me to get out of bed. My 10-year-old son asking me why I was so angry. My six-year-old daughter saying, “Mommy’s sick again.” I hated myself. I couldn’t pretend I was perfectly healthy – just eccentric – anymore. I was sick. Very sick.

You see, Bipolar Disorder is a degenerative illness, and by denying myself treatment, I had enabled a progression into periods of rapid cycling, meaning I was basically Bipolar on steroids – my depressive and manic moods shifting in a constant unpredictable shitstorm. This is the way it was explained to me by my counselor (in much more eloquent terms). She said that in the same way progressive diseases like Cancer will eventually cause organ failure if left untreated, Bipolar Disorder gradually diminishes brain function if left untreated. Oh, did I mention this conversation took place just a month ago? And, perhaps you remember that I went to see her the first time about seven months ago? No, it didn’t take that long to diagnose me. It took that long for me to commit. I honored my appointments only twice before I disappeared for another two months and then for another five months after that (I was still battling my desperate desire to be “normal”). During those initial appointments, I either purposefully omitted the symptoms of my elevated states, or honestly didn’t know they were elevated states. Hard to tell. On the one hand, for most of my life the elevated states were something to look forward to. They were a tremendous relief since they often followed a long period of depression, or, they were a welcome rush of intense energy and focus and ambition after a period of normal moods and routines. On the other hand, there was a part of me that hoped, if I had to be diagnosed with something, that it be depression and/or anxiety – just not Bipolar, please, not that! For some totally illogical reason, having depression and anxiety seemed more socially acceptable to me. People posted about their depression and anxiety on social media. My students openly discussed their struggles with them in class. Lot’s of people are depressed and anxious! Poor reasoning but, I convinced myself that my elevated states were just “normal” times when I wasn’t depressed. After all, I didn’t behave like someone that was manic. I was nothing like Bradley Cooper’s character in “Silver Linings Playbook”! I didn’t suddenly become totally irrational. I didn’t spend everything in my bank account in some obsessed frenzy. I didn’t abruptly start making good on all my wildest fantasies and desires. I didn’t incoherently speed-talk and jump around from one interest to another. No, it was never that pronounced. Or, was it? I’d certainly been called Bipolar enough in my lifetime – and not in a concerned or encouraging way. More like I was being called a “crazy bitch”. It was a bad word. And I did spend [a lot] more money than I should when I felt “good”. Like, when I bought that boat with a personal loan on a 50% interest rate. Or, when I financed that international trip while negative in my bank account. And on all that professional camera equipment when I decided to be a video editor, and on this website two years ago when I decided to be a blogger (Perhaps, now, I’ll finally make use of it?). And the hundreds of dollars I invested in gear when I was suddenly inspired to run a marathon (but I did follow through on that one, thank you very much!). Oh, right, I guess I do jump around from interest to interest when I’m feeling “inspired”. I’m going to be a motivational speaker, no, a novelist, no, a personal trainer, no, a corporate trainer, no, a filmmaker, no, an entrepreneur, no… the list goes on and on. But these things felt so good. Even though I had to clean up the wreckage whenever I smashed back down on the pavement. The rubble of estranged relationships, busted bank accounts, retired jobs. So yeah, I went with depression and anxiety, masking the symptoms of mania. And I refused medication (because all I really needed to do was get my shit together, not numb myself with zombie-making pills). Until the progression to rapid cycling imprisoned me and I sulked, defeated, back into therapy five weeks ago.

After years and years and years of heartbreak and rejection and confusion and self-loathing and denial and protest, I began taking a daily mood stabilizer and seeing my therapist once a week. It took a couple weeks before there was any discernable change, and after four weeks, the change in my behavior was nothing short of striking. At that point, I realized I hadn’t been swallowed by the black void in three full weeks – a record time in nearly a year. I hadn’t lashed out in rage at anyone either. And the most surprising thing? I wasn’t the living dead. I had heard these nightmare testimonies about people with Bipolar Disorder beginning medication and going numb, like they’d been lobotomized, and that panicked me. I didn’t want to stop feeling, I just wanted to experience my feelings in a regulatory fashion. And I was, for the first time in years. Now, I want to be very careful not to sound like the poster girl for medicating. My strong belief is that we over-medicate in this country (but that’s for another post). No miracle has occurred. I’m not “cured”. In fact, there is no known cure for Bipolar Disorder. It can be managed, with a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Some days are better than others. But every day, I still battle my demons and the life-long conditioning of patterns, emotional reactions, and behaviors. My recovery is a continuous journey where no arrival point exists. But I have hope today. I wake up motivated to get out of bed without needing the boost of mania. I carry out the responsibilities and routines of the day without fighting off panic or becoming despondent. I fall asleep without the “lulling” melody of my own death dancing around my thoughts. Yes, I still get anxious and angry and sad and overly eager. The difference is in the way I’ve responded to those feelings since starting treatment. My awareness of the condition and the symptoms that accompany it, along with my medication, has helped me acknowledge my feelings before acting on them.

I hope it’s not the honeymoon period. I hope it lasts.

It’s early yet.

But if this remarkable change is here to stay [with dedicated treatment], I can’t help but feel frustration with myself for not seeking help sooner. Just to think on all the chaos and anguish I could have spared myself and others… But I’m here now, and perhaps it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be – writing this blog so that you may read it and be inspired to act now. For yourself, or for someone you know, before it’s too late. Make no mistake, this disease does kill. The suicide rate for people with Bipolar Disorder is twenty times that of the general population, and nearly 30% will make a suicide attempt at least once in their lifetime.

Don’t pity me, and please don’t fear me. I’m not very different from you. I have a family, friends, a career, hopes and dreams and struggles and fears. For those of you that know me, I’m still Jen. Maybe I’m even a better Jen – my greater and more genuine self. As a society, we need to reframe the way we perceive and speak about mental illness. Help me promote a fair image for those individuals and families that are afflicted with it – so they won’t suffer in silence. So they get help.

My name is Jen Hogue, and I’m diagnosed Bipolar II. Today, I’m in treatment. I take my medication everyday and see my counselor every week. I have a sense of hope that I haven’t had in far too long. I still don’t know if I’ll be brave enough to publish this. But I hope I will. After all, it’s often in the greatest risks we take that we find our greatest triumphs, and our greatest gifts to one another.

#happiness4jane happinessforjane mentalhealth bipolardisorder bipolar depression anxiety mentalhealthsupport

1 note · View note

unqualifiedhere · 4 years

Text

Begging is for the dogs..

Did you read that correctly? No, go check it again.

Begging is for the dogs, what a great introduction into my life and blog.

Lets start light, airy and well simple. Begging? Who me? Never....say never. We have all been there done that throw it in the bag of “Ill never do that again”. But honestly who doesn't beg? I beg God all the time for skinnier hips, for my taco bell craving to go away (because how many cheesy gordita crunches can I healthily eat in a week), I beg my dog to stop whining while I am taking a shower. It happens everyday. BUT when does it become too much? When does it happen when it shouldn't?

I found myself begging for attention growing up in high school. The most innocent begging of my life. Just the instagram posts of the “perfect” couple, best friends or that FIRE selfie (LOL plz no one go creep on my insta, those selfies are CRINGY) I would post, begging for just someone to click like to show me that someone liked that cute picture. I didnt realize it back then I was hungry for attention, affection, love, acceptance all of it. Just something every teenager goes through right? Of course. 8 years later I find myself in the same position but in a different aspect of begging. This time I find myself begging for physical touch, love, acceptance, someones time. I craved the attention I would get from people, the looks I would get going out, I lived for that acceptance a year ago. I was so lost and broken. (side note I still am, just not in the same boat as last year, thankfully that boat sank with everything on it besides me LOL). I now see how unhealthy my life was, how desperate I was. Ive since grown a lot, not fully. No one ever will be “fully” grown in my eyes. There is always room for improvement. But I am so thankful I have a support system that helped me in some of my darkest times last year and pulled me out of a state of misery and unworthy feeling yet feeling like I was on top of the world. (fun fact : I wasnt on top of the world- I was covering up feelings and emotions because I didnt want to face them head on, the Man above was QUICK to remind me that I am not allowed to live this life without him).

Girls, boys and every one in between. Dont ever beg for attention whether that is from social media or a person in your life. Leave that for the dog while you are cooking and “accidentally” drop that piece of bacon on the floor because those puppy dog eyes just reel you in and you cannot take it anymore.

I found myself begging again, just this last week. I was begging someone to just love me, accept me and take the time to have a relationship with me. I then was begging another to just take a minute to talk to me and get to know me, not to leave me when I made a mistake. I found myself on the floor crying, crying to God to fix me. To make me a better person. To make me more understanding. I quickly realized after begging God himself to heal me, it wasn't just me that needed healing, it was them as well. The ones I was wanting the attention from. I then started praying for them and their hearts. And mine. We all deserved to be healed from whatever was holding us back, whatever it was that was causing this pain.

I was feeling so unloved, unworthy, helpless, hopeless, ugly, everything you can think of, all of it. I need to be reminded this a lot, (because anxiety tells me otherwise) reminded how worthy YOU are, how beautiful, how handsome, NORMAL and how loved you are from all aspects of your life. Build a safe space to go to, find friends who love you unconditionally. Find a job that cares about your mental health. Find peace in yourself that YOU don’t need to feel the need to beg for anything from friends, family and everything in between. If something is meant to be it will be, don’t force, manipulate or push anything in your life. Unless you're eating pasta and you really want to finish the last bit of it, then force and manipulate that mind of yours to let it know you are the boss and you will finish it even if it means you will be miserable in an hour. Pasta is the only thing worth begging for.

There is my unqualified advice for the day - Leave the begging for the dogs, you will be much happier.

xoxo, K

0 notes

repiatation13 · 4 years

Text

MY TAYLOR SWIFT STORY:

I am a 40 year old songwriter/lyricist/poet from NYC...

I have been OBSESESSED with TAYLOR SWIFT since I first heard “Teardrops On My Guitar” 13 years ago. It’s not so much her beauty (doesn’t hurt), but it’s her talent, compassion and the relationship she has with her fans. I think she’s some sort of messenger. Heaven sent.

In my opinion, Taylor is the best songwriter alive. Every song she writes is perfect. Every lyric is heartfelt and her chorus’ are sublime. She’s so consistent and has just gotten stronger with age...I’ll come clean, I listen to T. Swift almost as much Phish and the Dead. And I always have, and I am not ashamed of it. She’s that special...Her music is that fantastic.

Last year, my sister took me to see Taylor’s Reputation Tour in Miami. It was awesome. What a performer! She leaves it all out there for her fans. Gives it a 110%. It’s so admirable and genuine. Not forced. You can see her constantly looking around to make sure everyone’s enjoying themselves. She’s the biggest female star on the planet and somehow she still finds away to remain humble...

The morning of the concert I was sitting outside with my sister with my legal pad and pen and my sister said to me “write a song about you and Taylor meeting, falling in love and getting married.” I cracked up and said “What?” My sister said “Yeah. Write something for Taylor. A love story. Something Taylor would write.” I laughed again and said “Why?” My sister said “She actually reads what fans post on her social media sites. That’s her thing! She shows up at fans proms, engagement parties, Bar Mitzvahs...She writes back to people all the time.” “Really.” I said. My sister said “Shut up and write a Taylor Swift love story type song about you and Taylor getting married!” I started cracking up again and said “Ok...Hahaha. I’ll write Taylor a love song. Then what?” My sister said “We’re gonna post it on all her social media sites. Write Taylor a great love song! A love story! She’ll fall in love with you!” I cracked up again and said “Fine.”

I wrote this song “The Famous Bride & The Lonely Groom” For TAYLOR SWIFT last year...Hahaha. My sister said she will find a way to get it to Taylor Swift. My sister and I completely forgot about posting the song On Taylor’s sites last year because it became time to leave for Taylor’s concert.

Tonight, My sister took the SONG BELOW “The Famous Bride & Lonely Groom” and posted it on every Taylor Swift site and my sister is convinced Taylor Swift will get in touch with me...Hahaha 🙏

We shall see...

Taylor Gendal has a good ring to it. Hahaha

The Famous Bride & The Lonely Groom

By: Scott Gendal

The bride and groom are nervous, as the clock continues to tick

The countdown seems endless, as the flame burns out the wick

No guests are present, although the wedding’s been planned for years

The bride and groom have never met, both try to hold back their tears

The groom stated he’d never marry

The Bride has been searching for the one

As they stand underneath the crescent moon they realize they both have won

The bride is world renown, famous in every way

The groom just an average Joe, with talent to display

The bride sings like a songbird, beautiful inside and out

The groom shadowed in mystery, people trying to figure him out

How does the couple seem to know eachother so well?

In the age of social media, it’s almost impossible to not kiss and tell

The bride a voyeur, who watched the groom every day

The groom listened to her music, and understood what she had to say

Always secret admirers, big fans of eachother

Both prayed to be together, and end up eachother’s lover

But, nothing comes for free, there’s always a price to pay

The groom dreamt of being average, never to be put on display

The bride’s privacy was taken, she had no social life

She was locked inside her bedroom, dreaming of a normal life

The groom was surrounded by love, for his entire life

But he battled mental illness, he was consumed with pain and strife

The bride knew what she wanted, since she was a little girl

Knowing that her talent, would eventually be unfurled

The groom felt hopeless, isolated and alone

He had no one to relate to, even inside his home

The bride was admired, receiving numerous awards

But after winning so many, she became completely bored

The only place they felt comfortable, was admiring eachother’s work

The groom stopped dating, the bride kept meeting jerks

Both had lost hope, walked around with vision blind

They dove deep into their crafts, creating as if they were running out of time

Hard work is always rewarded, no matter what you’re looking for

After their marriage, the bride took the groom on tour

They made plans for the future, should they have a family or not

Some things cannot be planned, but you have to give love a shot

There’s nothing they can’t accomplish, there’s nothing they can’t pursue

Boredom will never play a role,they were meant to say “I do”

A happy ending can exist, two can save each other

Just because the bride has a treasure chest, the groom is what she wanted to discover

When you read between the lines, and stand for what is right

Your version of the perfect partner, will tuck you in at night

You will always feel safe, undoubtedly secure

Never to be alone, not isolated anymore

The couple will always have a friend, a partner by their side

Their union proves to all, that true love never dies...

*SWIFTIES UNITE!!! LET’S GET MY SONG & STORY TO TAYLOR!!!

@taylorswift hope you see this💕

Swiftieeees! Let's get it to Tayloooor!💖

0 notes

textbylex · 4 years

Text

(H|H) ‘Hurdles To Happiness’

What do you and I and all four of the seasons have in common? Change. Beauty. A delicate balance between hard and soft, hot and cold, lightness and darkness and all of those little evolution's in between.

It is officially the month of May. And as many of you don’t know... That means it is Mental Health Awareness Month. A month that is meant to bring it up. To normalize it and take down all of the nasty social stigmas out there regarding it. This month is all about education, enlightenment, and is meant to remind those who need sanctuary from their daily battles that they are not alone. To provide resources and a safe place for those that suffer from the demons that no one else knows about.

We are currently living in a very unprecedented time. A time where more and more individuals are getting a taste of what isolation feels like. What it’s like to feel trapped. What it’s like to feel restless and not be able to make it stop. What it’s like to feel anxious and not have a remedy for it. What it’s like to be hypersensitive to anything and everything within your surroundings. What it’s like to have everything feel unfamiliar.

Now more than ever we need to be there for one another. At the end of the day we all want the same thing out of life. We want to be loved and to feel like we are safe. You have no idea what your neighbor is going through, and you have no idea how far a simple smile or genuine “how are you doing?” can go for someone.

I remember back in 2013 laying on the living room floor of my mother’s house almost paralyzed by incessant panic. For weeks I couldn’t drive my own car, couldn’t go to work, couldn’t eat, and could barely gather enough strength to stand in the shower or change my clothes.

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to take photos. My social media is practically an endless blog posting of photos with short narratives. To be honest my posts almost feel naked without a photo attached to it. But that’s beside the point I’m trying to make. Photography became an escape for me. I didn’t realize that when I first picked up a camera and took it with me on my nature walks, hikes or when taking the dogs out on a walk. But, in hindsight that’s what it really was for me in the beginning.

Anyone that suffers from any type of mental illness develops a safe place- so to speak. Somewhere they can be where their inner demons don’t bother them (or at least- not as much as all the other seconds in the day). Or something they can do that occupies their mind just enough to where they can keep their composure enough to be able to function like a “normal” human being.

I had realized that something was really wrong when I started not being able to escape my daily battles on my nature walks anymore. The two other safe places for me was always when I was at work or if I was asleep. That’s where I felt invincible, or as if I had a shield of sorts. But, those soon became over-powered by my severe panic and major depressive disorders. I would describe these panics as endless echoes in my mind that were almost haunting. I couldn’t make them out either. They weren’t words. I wasn’t hearing things per-say. It was more of just endless loupe of sickening, heavy energy following me constantly. It always started in my subconscious and then brought on very real and physical symptoms along with it. Making me feel sick, dizzy, hopeless, lost, weak and like I couldn’t breathe and was suffering from a heart attack 24/7. No really. I ended up in the ER a few times because I felt like I was dying and all of my symptoms matched to that of a heart attack.

But, then of course it’s always a coin toss on if the Nurse and Doctor believed you or if they had the ideology of it “all being in your head” and “not real” and thinking that you’re only there to get drugs- and yes that is a thing. Which, by the way (if you’ve never been given Benzodiazepines before) often times make you feel even worse after taking them because of their gruesome side effects. Or they flat out make you feel like you’re a ghost who is having an out-of-body experience.

I remember a male doctor coming in to talk with me telling me that there was literally “nothing wrong” with me. I’ve never been angrier in my entire life. Pretty sure some obscenities left my mouth in that exam room if I remember correctly. The nurse I ended up with though, looked at me and told me that what I am feeling is real because she had been through it with her daughter and seen what it did to her. After doing blood work and testing to rule out any other underlying conditions I was finally diagnosed with Severe Panic Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and generalized Anxiety. Oh and by the way Anxiety and Panic are two incredibly different things with incredibly different feelings.

For a long time I didn’t like the idea of Therapy and realized after almost two years of attending it every week that it is one of the best things that you can do for your mental health. Before starting it I was hesitant probably because I kept everything to myself. All of my thoughts and feelings up to that point were locked inside of my mess of a mind. Maybe part of me didn’t know where to even start or how to navigate it all.

I then had to go through the hurdles of trying different coping methods and medications to find the right balance for myself. They definitely don’t call it “Trial and Error” for nothing because going through the process of finding what “worked” was one of the worst experiences of my life. Exhausting both mentally and physically. It’s why I ended up on my mom’s living room floor that day. Sobbing on the outside and screaming on the inside.

Trust me when I say this. I didn’t want to even be on any medication. I fought it for so long and got to the point of telling my doctor that I wasn’t strong enough to battle all of this on my own. Sometimes on a bad day I still resent the fact that I have to take something to feel “okay”, and to be able to function.

For a long time I was angry. Angry that none of those “home-remedies” worked for me. Angry that going back to the gym wasn’t enough released endorphins to make me feel alright. Angry from all of the side effects that came with the medication that took me almost two years to get used to. Angry of how my illness and this new medication were getting in the way of every aspect of my life. And not going to lie... I still get a little angry when I forget to take it and start to feel those horrendous withdrawal symptoms.

But through all of these hardships, hurdles and unknowns I have come out of it anew. With more strength than I had before. Knowing who I am and what I want. Having a broader understanding of the mind and how some things are completely out of my control. I have accepted that my illness is a part of me. Part of my life. Part of my story. I have developed more compassion and empathy than I’ve ever had and want to do anything I can for those feeling the same pain that I’ve felt over these past few years. It may not feel like it right now, but it does get better. You will get better.

So, for all of you out there suffering. I want you to know that you are truly not alone. I see you. I am here for you. I will listen to you. Your illness does not define you. How you feel is real. Mine has shaped me, and for that I am thankful. So embrace your seasons. You may end up discovering one you love without even expecting it. You may even end up discovering yourself.

If you or someone you know or love is struggling please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone. During the current COVID-19 pandemic happening around the world checking in on our neighbors has never been more important. If you see or hear something that doesn’t seem right, lend a helping a hand and call Emergency Services if needed.

Here is a small list of some helpful contacts:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800)-273-8255

finder.psychiatry.org

www.apa.org

members.adaa.org/page/FATMain (240)-485-1001

nami.org

We are all in this together.

#breakthestigma #breakthesilence #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #covid19 #ditchthelabel

0 notes

sares19-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Mental Health Awareness Week: Everyone Needs to Know

Stephen Fry once said, "It's hard to be a friend to someone who's depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest and best things you will ever do." This is both a vast understatement and the truest thing I have ever heard - and not just for the reasons you will be expecting. Supporting someone who is depressed and suicidal is beyond hard. It's brutal and ugly. It's listening to nothing but their pain day and night, hearing them crying and screaming into a pillow. It's continually reassuring them that it's not going to get worse, continually convincing them that they don't want to die. It's making a self-referral to crisis on your birthday. It's incessantly calling mental health services that aren't listening and being pushed from pillar to post. It's telling their friends and family and then watching those friends and family falling apart. It's watching someone so desperate for help that they call Samaritans five times a day. It's knowing that whatever you're trying to do isn't making them better or happier. It's knowing that they're not actually feeling anything at all, but at the same time feeling everything. It's the arguments when you've inadvertently said the wrong thing. It's grasping onto them whilst they push away from you, sitting on them and holding their arms when they try to punch the dark thoughts out of their head. It's sitting in A&E. It's hearing them calmly and rationally telling you how they're not going to be here tomorrow, how happy everyone will be when they're not here anymore, hearing them make plans. It's lying awake at night because they've told you they're going to do it when you're asleep. It's calling the police as a last resort. It's their attempts and the aftermath. It's hiding sharp objects and medications, and things you never even considered might be dangerous before that moment. It's worrying about them when you're at work. It's making sure they are never ever alone. It's beyond hard. Before I supported someone with a serious mental illness, I'd only had a brief introduction to depression in my very early 30's. At the time it was so mild that I didn't realise it was depression; it only dawned on me on reflection, after a friend convinced me to get counselling when I told her my brain felt like a tangled ball of wool. I was getting panic attacks which made me feel like I might die, I wasn't sleeping at night and found myself crying in the supermarket. Tins of beans aren't particularly upsetting, unless of course you are hit in the face by one, so you'd have thought I'd have recognised the signs before her intervention. But that's the problem with depression; when you are in it, you can't see out of it. Depression absolutely loves to keep you in that place too. It feeds off you. It feeds off itself. It makes you feel overwhelmingly hopeless so you in turn believe everything to be hopeless. It tries to strip you of the person you are until you don't even know who that is anymore. It makes you believe you're incapable of defeating it. It's gnawing and grinding. Intrusive and invasive. Rational and irrational. It completely takes over. When you're helping someone through depression it can often seem totally futile. I have found myself on the receiving end of a sharp tongue for saying something unhelpful, I've experienced overwhelm from trying to think of new ways to bring him out of it until it feels like there are no other options. I've found myself getting exasperated, frustrated and angry - a natural human response, but one that ultimately leaves you feeling like a selfish bastard. For every positive, there's a negative response or reaction and you can sometimes feel as though you're not making one ounce of difference. Let me convince you here that you absolutely are. Supporting someone who is depressed IS beyond hard. But it's infinitely better than the alternative. I don't feel kind or noble in sticking by someone who is suicidal. I don't feel it's my 'duty.' It's someone I love. It's someone who, three years ago before his illness took over, I was talking about marriage and kids with. When you get married you declare the words "In sickness and in health." If I'm not willing to do that before we are married, what makes me more able or likely to do so when we are? They just become empty words and I don't live my life like that. Kindness and nobility don't come into it when your focus is doing everything in your power to keep someone you love - in the literal sense of the word - alive. Whilst he was feeling himself slipping away, I never lost sight of the person he is underneath the depression; kind, funny (juvenile even, but hey so am I!), infuriating when he doesn't put a bag in the bin and leaves huge puddles of water in the hallway after he's had a shower. Drives me mad with his banana skins casually draped over the arm of the sofa. Frustrates me when he's so engrossed in writing that he doesn't hear a fucking word I say! Calls me out when I'm being a dick. Enviably intelligent, unabashedly honest, defiant, strong, supportive, encouraging, passionate, creative, motivated to help others, a bit of a lovable geek. Paul. In a way I feel lucky. Don't ever think that someone who talks about committing suicide isn't serious, that they're saying it for attention or won't do it - it all depends on the person, their personality, how they deal with pain, how comfortable they are with sharing, so many variables. I'm lucky that the person I'm supporting is an over-sharer. If he wasn't a talker, if he was more private, more guarded and kept his true thoughts and feelings bottled up then I would never have known and I'd never have been able to help. I'm lucky that he tells me everything, that he is actually unable to keep his true thoughts to himself, a person so open and comfortable with himself that he makes videos of his own farts and sends them to our friends as a gift (told you he was juvenile). The kind of person who finds it hard not to express how he's feeling. The kind of person who would tell you if he wanted to kill himself. Not everyone has the luxury of that warning. For every celebrity who is bang on point, there's another who misses it completely. At the risk of this post feeling dated and irrelevant to future readers, there's something I feel I need to stress at this juncture. Piers Morgan is woefully out of touch and his recent tweet on mental health would attest to this. He claims that he's "...not convinced by this new trend of male public soul-bearing. Time for our gender to get a grip, methinks. Life's tough - man up." This is a man who has a TV show, the premise of which revolves around celebrities speaking candidly to him about their struggles. He then slithers out of that persona and shows himself to be the snake he truly is. You can't pretend to care about people on TV and then say absurd and damaging things to the contrary on social media. I'd like to tell Piers that this outpouring of male soul baring is in fact way, way, way overdue and may just save a few thousand lives. It certainly saved Paul's. If Piers can tell me something he's contributed apart from ill-informed tabloid bullshit, grammatical inaccuracies (I've certainly never seen a Soul Bear in the wild) and being a judge on a show that actively mocks people with learning disabilities, I'd love to hear it. Our experience is testament to the fact that Stephen Fry is right and Morgan is so very, very wrong. I will also agree with Stephen that supporting someone with depression is hands down the best thing I've ever done, aside from giving up smoking and listening to my mate when he begged me to watch Breaking Bad. Not only am I seeing that amazing person slowly but surely emerging back out of the darkness, watching someone else experience this first hand has allowed me to be so much more understanding and receptive to others who are going through the same. Before this I never knew what to say. I now have an array of things to contribute because I get it, I've seen it from both sides. It's made me a more patient person - a better person. It has turned me into a campaigner, a complainer, a confidante for our support group members. It's also made me reflect deeply on my own mental health, allowing me to unravel and make peace with some things that were dragging me back, to focus on my self care and actually make more time and effort to fit that practice into my life than I would ordinarily have done if left to my own devices. It sounds like a massive cliche, but this experience has brought us closer, it has deepened our understanding of each other in a way that I never thought existed. My respect and admiration for him has grown, the bravest and most resilient of people. It has shown me that even deep depression can be challenged and overcome. It can be denied the attention it craves and it can be stifled into submission. It's a fine balance which takes a lot of practice, time, concentration, self-belief and trust but once you work out how it ticks and how it governs you that's when you start to regain the power. You can talk it out, you can tell a counsellor, you can join forces with others who understand, fuck it - you can soul bare on social media, you can slowly reclaim yourself. It's something I've seen in action. Depression is hopeless, but it's also an opportunity to be hopeful. At the moment his crushing lows are coming in waves, but they are becoming less frequent and less intense. When he's deep in the depression, he can't see the way out and he can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I always tell him that's because he's not in a tunnel, he's in a maze. He will come up against walls, but there's always another way around that will get him on the right path again. He can't see the end, he doesn't have to. All he needs to do is know it's there and he can navigate his way. We can all navigate our way.

4 notes · View notes

jujusama · 7 years

Text

im glad i dont use tumblr much at all anymore tbh. theres a lot of unnecessary negativity and things that can just seep into you subconsciously and i kinda just wanna talk about that

this is more when youre part of a certain community/fandom as opposed to like just following blogs that post pictures of like cats or nature or some shit. its true that there are a lot of great people to meet and things to learn but theres also a lot of bad influences.

in my experience there was a lot of normalization of smoking and drugs and alcohol. and in the kpop scene whitewashing was so frequent it became a normal thing. it honestly took me like 6 months to recognize whitewashing was a thing and realize that i subconsciously accepted these idols super pale bleached and unnatural skin as the norm before learning how detrimental this practice of whitewashing is. im not gonna go super into detail because ive ranted about whitewashing before but my boyfriend, for example, (a dark skinned filipino boy) grew up hating his skin and wishing to have lighter skin like 2 of his siblings have due to asia’s beauty standards and rampant whitewashing.

another thing i let influence me from my years on tumblr was black and white thinking. not necessarily in relation to the kind you get with anxiety or bpd but the kind of aggressive stubbornness that makes you unwilling to compromise and so quick to strike some thought or opinion down due to one fallacy or thing you dont agree with. you see this a lot with people suddenly “boycotting” or hating a show or piece of media due to one problematic occurrence or thing they dont agree with. people become so unwilling to look at things objectively due to this black and white thinking. no one thing is completely evil or completely good (there are some exceptions like trump of course lol). its totally fine to dislike something because it is offensive or problematic but bringing this kind of thinking to the real world and shutting down anyone you dont agree with and refusing to work together will not work. heck the us government doesnt work because this 2 party system and how unwilling politicians are to listen to the other side of the story and compromise. even if their story or beliefs are completely absurd and wrong the only way to change that and educate them to believe in what you think is right is to understand their foundations. listening to the other side’s story and understanding the way they think is the way to analyzing how to turn their beliefs around and educate them. education is really a powerful weapon imo.

theres probably more negative things that have influenced me on tumblr but honestly being away from all this feels so enlightening and freeing?? im really so so happy nowadays like these things can really subconsciously affect you and im so much better away from tumblr. thats not to say im off of all social media tho i use twitter quite a lot but. ive just been doing great ive been so much more focused on my studies and on doing the things i like like playing skyrim and watching kdrama and movies and spending time with my boyfriend its really nice. i feel ive really matured as a person. and of course i still keep up with bts 24/7 (or as much as i can with how intense college is and my job and my bf and my other interests)... in a way i actually feel like bts helped me reach this point and way of thinking. namjoon is just so damn thoughtful yknow?? and he makes me think a lot too and i really pride myself on being a very understanding and thoughtful person.

anyways i hope everyone is doing well!! whatever youre going through right now just know that is really truly will get better! i know hearing these kind of trite sayings of positivity from someone who is not suffering sounds like an empty promise, but ive seriously been there before and felt hopeless and stuck so please always keep hope in your heart. there really is no finite solution to mental illness, i dont know how ive gotten through it, and i know nothing anyone else says can fix your problems, but sharing your experiences with someone you trust is the best way to weather through it until you find your own path. its very comforting. because “when sadness is shared its halved, and when happiness is shared its doubled” (--kim namjoon)

#idk how many of u still keep up with me #or care to read what i post #but i hope someone at least reads this #because i like sharing ideas and thoughts #and i hope whoever reads this feels comforted or gains strength somehow #bc i wrote something nice to yall at the end kinda

1 note · View note

loverofwhoeverwhowrites · 4 years

Text

MY TAYLOR SWIFT STORY:

I am a 40 year old songwriter/lyricist/poet from NYC...

Tonight, My sister took the SONG BELOW “The Famous Bride & Lonely Groom” and posted it on every Taylor Swift site and my sister is convinced Taylor Swift will get in touch with me...Hahaha 🙏

We shall see...

Taylor Gendal has a good ring to it. Hahaha

The Famous Bride & The Lonely Groom

By: Scott Gendal

The bride and groom are nervous, as the clock continues to tick

The countdown seems endless, as the flame burns out the wick

No guests are present, although the wedding’s been planned for years

The bride and groom have never met, both try to hold back their tears

The groom stated he’d never marry

The Bride has been searching for the one

As they stand underneath the crescent moon they realize they both have won

The bride is world renown, famous in every way

The groom just an average Joe, with talent to display

The bride sings like a songbird, beautiful inside and out

The groom shadowed in mystery, people trying to figure him out

How does the couple seem to know eachother so well?

In the age of social media, it’s almost impossible to not kiss and tell

The bride a voyeur, who watched the groom every day

The groom listened to her music, and understood what she had to say

Always secret admirers, big fans of eachother

Both prayed to be together, and end up eachother’s lover

But, nothing comes for free, there’s always a price to pay

The groom dreamt of being average, never to be put on display

The bride’s privacy was taken, she had no social life

She was locked inside her bedroom, dreaming of a normal life

The groom was surrounded by love, for his entire life

But he battled mental illness, he was consumed with pain and strife

The bride knew what she wanted, since she was a little girl

Knowing that her talent, would eventually be unfurled

The groom felt hopeless, isolated and alone

He had no one to relate to, even inside his home

The bride was admired, receiving numerous awards

But after winning so many, she became completely bored

The only place they felt comfortable, was admiring eachother’s work

The groom stopped dating, the bride kept meeting jerks

Both had lost hope, walked around with vision blind

They dove deep into their crafts, creating as if they were running out of time

Hard work is always rewarded, no matter what you’re looking for

After their marriage, the bride took the groom on tour

They made plans for the future, should they have a family or not

Some things cannot be planned, but you have to give love a shot

There’s nothing they can’t accomplish, there’s nothing they can’t pursue

Boredom will never play a role,they were meant to say “I do”

A happy ending can exist, two can save each other

Just because the bride has a treasure chest, the groom is what she wanted to discover

When you read between the lines, and stand for what is right

Your version of the perfect partner, will tuck you in at night

You will always feel safe, undoubtedly secure

Never to be alone, not isolated anymore

The couple will always have a friend, a partner by their side

Their union proves to all, that true love never dies...

SWIFTIES UNITE!

LET’S GET MY SONG & STORY TO TAYLOR!!!

Follow Me On Instagram: scottygaga

@taylorswift you must read this ❤️

0 notes

nightibowl · 4 years

Text

DYSTOPIAN 2020

2) The written assignment: today, we will practice dystopian way of thinking and extrapolation (imagining worst-case scenarios of certain trends and how they could affect society). Use the current global pandemics situation as a starting point to imagine the potential worst-case scenario - what would happen if the crisis was to increase, and the temporary regulations turned into an instrument of oppression. Look at the different aspects of the situation (you will find the discussion clock in the files on IDU), and send me your organized notes/ outline.

Coronavirus. First an innocent virus concerning only China. Now the possible death of us all.

Due to the rapid spread of the virus, most of the people are quarantined and have to stay home for at least two weeks, until the situation calms down and it is safe to go outside. However, it seems that two weeks will not be enough - the amount of infected people is increasing in almost every country and the vaccine is still not discovered by the scientists. Their task is only more difficult as the virus keeps on mutating into more dangerous and deadly, not only to the elderly and sick, but also to the strongest of adults and still developing youth. Because of that, the period of quarantine will extend and extend to the point where it is impossible for humans the get back to their life before the coronavirus. Not only the virus itself will ruin the world - the consequences of the so-thought precautions will be permanent and insolvable in the long-term.

In order to get into more detail about our uncertain future, I reflected on crucial viewpoints from which this global pandemic needs to be reflected on.

This article will not calm you. If you are already panicking - do not read it. If you are not - you probably will after this.

Psychological — it is not good for people to stay isolated from each other for a longer period of time. Humans have a desperate need to belong, and while some of us are lucky enough to be quarantined in their own house, with their beloved family, some do not have this luxury. There are people waiting for the development of the situation alone; there are ones forced to stay with their pathological families; there are homeless people that now have even smaller access to the good they need to survive. Even inside of the house belonging to the seemingly happiest family in the world, some problems will start to appear. Some unsaid truths will come out. There will be no room for resting from each other - the family members will go mad. The ones living alone or not having any space for themselves at all will start going crazy faster. Not having someone you value, love or trust, or not having someone at all is devastating to people. As long as internet still functions and they are able to communicate with their friends somehow, the risk of developing some serious mental issues is lower. But for how much longer is the internet still going to work?After living such a busy, quick life it is impossible to change it so rapidly without any psychological problems. People already having mental illnesses will lack help from their therapists - people with depression will more likely kill themselves or drown into the feeling of the total hopelessness; people with eating disorders will more likely get back to their old, unhealthy eating patterns; people with anxiety will more likely go crazy because of the amount of anxiety spread among the society and in the media; these are just few examples. People that were more or less mentally healthy until the pandemic will most probably develop some issues due to being alone in one place all the time, overwhelmed by the anxiety that comes with the uncertainty about the future. During and after the war that will eventually happen, people surrounded by the deaths of their loved ones will go completely crazy, losing all will to live while also ironically fighting for survival.

Personal — people that are to some extent left alone will either do anything to avoid their demons that are now coming out because of the lack of tasks to do, or face them and let them consume them completely. All of the doubts, worries, mistakes of the past, uncertainties of the future will come out and there will be no way to outshine them by something else. All of the relationships that were functioning either better or worse will start to fade and fall apart, because people are not allowed to see each other, they are not allowed to spend time together. People isolated from each other will lose social skills and the ability to develop valuable relationships; they will get used to communicating through telephones, and even when the situation calms down, they will not know how to be with someone in real life anymore. During and after the war people will not be able to develop meaningful relations with each other - they will turn each other in, gossip, kill.

Health — the only people that will be getting medical help will be the people suffering from coronavirus. As the infection is very easy to get, no other people will be allowed to see the doctors and have access to the hospital. The pharmacies will lack medicine and all of the countries will lack healthy, capable doctors that would be able to take care of people suffering from different illnesses. The rate of death will be even higher, because other sick people will not be able to get help in any way - other health issues will be developing and they will not even know what is going on and how to prevent the sickness from developing, because there will be no one to diagnose them. As the government wants people to die, it will not provide them with any help that could be available.

Historical — this moment is very significant for our history. Our modern world has never seen something like this - even the biggest cities are withheld, the borders of countries are closed for others, only the local shops and pharmacies are still working and not for long - until everything is sold out, which will happen very soon. Such pandemics have happened before, but the society was never that aware and such actions were never undertaken, because people did not have the means by which they would be able to gather such knowledge and do something about it. As this pandemic is the beginning of something much bigger and disastrous, this will come down as the beginning of an end.

Moral — at times like this, people tend to either try to help everyone they can or become extremely selfish and do everything to survive, even if it means destroying somebody’s chance along their way. It started with buying out everything from the shops in order to have food in case the shops get closed. It will definitely develop, as this buying out started happening way before the situation became officially very serious. People, not having much interaction with each other, will forget the value and meaning of friendship and being good to one another. Under isolation they will slowly start dehumanizing and humanity as we know it will start to disappear. Even those who at first will be trying to help and make a positive difference will lose their faith and motivation. Everyone will lose their morals, sets of values; they will become selfish and they will even kill for more food. Once the food is gone (because no one will be working anymore), the cannibalistic movement will start developing and the only place in which one is safe will be behind the doors. During the war people will turn against each other even more intensively and they will not hesitate from anything if it means that they will gain something from doing even the worst things.

Political — coronavirus started spreading because USA decided to get rid of some Chinese people, as they thought that they are the ones that should disappear in the face of overpopulation. Once the other countries find out, they will need to choose a side. However, the viewpoints of different governments will be so different, that the whole European Union will fall apart and in reality no one will trust anyone, even their allies. As the borders are closed, the differences between people from other cultures will start to outshine the common ground they managed to achieve before the coronavirus spread, because they will stop interacting with each other; the next step is to cut off the communication between various societies, which means that the internet will be taken down. Only the government will have access to the real, available information and it will stop sharing it with people in order to keep the peace and prevent the overall panic. However, keeping secrets from their fellow citizens will appear to have much worse consequences - the government will have to face a riot that people, who do not agree with their way of preventing the global catastrophe, will begin. This will lead to a domestic war in some countries, and the other ones, not agreeing with this way of dealing with the problem will directly attack the government members, leaving some countries without leadership in the face of crisis, which means taking them over. This will lead to blurring borders between countries and in the end there will be only three of them - USA, Russia and Japan. As there will be not enough people to fill in all the world’s territory, the people will be transferred to Russia and in the end Putin will kill all of his allies and become a dictator of the post-apocalyptical world.

Social — people isolated from each other will lose their social skills; at first they will not be able to communicate with each other in other ways than through telephone, and then they will start losing this ability as well, as the internet will be taken down. As people will not have contact with the ones from different countries, racism and cultural differences will increase. Romantic relationships and the idea of love will star fading, as people will have zero contact with someone that is not living in their house; and those who live in the same house will grow to be sick of each other very quickly and permanently. With no love, the abstract ideas such as compassion, empathy, forgiveness… and feelings, in general, will start to disappear. The only thing people will care about in the long run will be survival, at every cost. Reaction to the lack of government and then being incorporated into another country will completely shatter one’s cultural identity, and then there will be nothing more to humans than just bodies that try to survive, having actually no real, valuable interest in doing so.

Educational — at first the online schooling will work, but with time all of the teachers and students will realize that this is pointless, because none of them will be coming back to school in a very long time. The coronavirus will spread, the war will begin, the internet will be taken down. There will not be an opportunity to keep on educating oneself, because the mean by which this is still possible will disappear very quickly and other matters will appear to be more important than getting into a school that will most likely not exist in the future. More and more students will be getting sick and therefore even if they wanted to, they will not be able to keep up with the schoolwork from the hospital. During and after the war education will not matter at all, because there will be almost no people qualified to do a job as the teachers.

Economic — as the world is practically on hold right now and it will be until the take-over of the three countries, the world economy will fall. As most of the companies and people do not function/work anymore, the flow of money is disappearing and fading. There will be no food to provide people with, because there is no one to produce the food, as everyone needs to stay inside not to spread the coronavirus. In the end, most of the people will get sick and die, so even when only the immune people will be left on Earth, that will not be enough to fix the damage that has been done. This will stop consumerism and the survivors will appreciate all of the goods more, but there will not be enough people to get the world back on its track.

Artistic — at first people staying at home and not having much to do will start to create. Everything, with anything they possess. Once the internet will be down, they will not have a platform to share it, and that will completely demotivate them. As all of the theatres are closed, all of the concerts and bigger artistic gatherings are cancelled, most of the artists have no way to earn the money or develop their passion to art. This pandemic will evoke in people apocalyptical way of creating; they will lose all hope and happiness, and everything that will be created will be dark, sad, depressing; until people, losing their humanity and feelings will stop creating at all.

Scientific — the vaccine for coronavirus will not be found and most of the scientists will die during conducting their research. Lack of access to the internet and other valuable resources will make science useless in the face of such a global catastrophe. The government will want coronavirus to spread in order to wait for the moment in which some organisms will create an immunity to it, so that the three countries are left with the strongest people that will pass on the immune to the coronavirus genome; no help for the sick and dying will be provided.

Religious — in the face of a crisis, people always look up to the sky and pray to God for help and an answer. The faith, however unrealistic and not logical, has always been keeping some of the people on track with their morals, because they knew that even if death is coming, it is still worth it to be a good person - the Heaven awaits. The situation will be different this time - as so many people already do not believe, the churches are closed and there is no real access to the embodiment of faith (priests etc), people will easily lose it, as they will realize that their prayers do not matter and are not listened to, not even by the priest. This loss of faith will have very bad consequences, because when people think that they will most probably die and there is nothing for them after death, they might stop trying to be a good person. It will lead to even more rapid development of society’s dehumanization, loss of morals, social skills and feelings.

0 notes

onehundredbetterdays · 6 years

Text

Put on your strength: a step towards mental health.

Hi Hannah!

I’ve been following you for awhile now on social media and appreciate your honesty and wisdom especially when it comes to anxiety and depression. I’ve dealt with anxiety probably most of my life but the past few years I believe it has gotten worse. I’m 29 about to be 30, in a stressful job where I am unhappy, wish I was married, and in need of a strong community of believers around me but is seriously lacking these days. I think all of these are contributing factors in why my anxiety/depression has been so much worse.

I want to go to a doctor and explore the idea of medication but even the idea of finding a doctor, going, and explaining everything is overwhelming enough. I recently opened up a little to my mom about it but her advice is to pray more which she is probably right but it’s hard to pray more when I can’t think rationally due to overwhelming anxiety.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing to you I NEVER do things like this but I appreciate your words on the subject and would gladly accept any advice you might have for me!

Thanks for taking the time

Dear S,

There’s a passage in the book of Isaiah, chapter 52, that starts like this: Awake, awake, put on your strength, O Zion. I’ve been sitting with those words since Monday night and I think maybe they were meant to be passed onto you.

In the Message Translation of the Bible, they name Chapter 52 as “God is leading you out of here.”

It’s a call to the people who have been stuck in exile for quite some time. It’s a call to the people who have felt hopeless and tired, wondering to themselves, “Will this darkness never cease?”

I could say a million things to you right now but I think you need to hear this first: God is leading you out of here. Put on your strength. Like a well-loved denim jacket, put on any ounce of strength you’ve got left in your tired body. You won’t be left in this struggle alone. You’re coming out of the woods.

I feel compelled to say these things because the conversation about faith + mental illness gets really messy sometimes. The church has a long way to go when it comes to talking about mental illness but I’ve honestly seen more talking than ever before. That gives me hope.

In the midst of my severe depression, I couldn’t shield myself from the people who thought I just needed more faith. Or I just needed more prayer. Or I just needed to dig into my own well of strength and rewire the pathways in my brain manually. They made it seem easy.

And, girl, there is so much temptation to get mad at those people and the comments they make. But anger won’t do anything. They can’t help what they don’t yet know. Take the words from someone who knows depression like a sister by now: your depression isn’t a matter of “get stronger” or “have more faith.” God isn’t looking at you and saying to himself, “Man, I just wish you could hold it together a little more… could you get on my level?”

Do I think faith and prayer matter in the battle for mental health? Absolutely. But medicine is a modern-day miracle.

“Taking medicine is a wise act of faith, not unfaith,” Zack Eswine writes. “It would not be wise to live by a supposed faith, and cast off the physician and his medicines, any more than to discharge the butcher, and the tailor, and expect to be fed and clothed by faith,” Charles Spurgeon said.

If I could speak one piece of advice over my 7-year battle with mental health, I would just say this: “Don’t let fear be the thing that stops you from getting the help you need. If anyone else were drowning, you’d tell them to reach out and grab the life jacket. Don’t ignore the symptoms of drowning.”

…

Several years ago I tried to get “in shape” for my wedding. I already had the dress and I didn’t have to lose much weight but I wanted what most women want when they look back on wedding photos- to be able to say I looked my best on that day.

No matter what I tried to do, I could not lose weight. It was impossible. I felt hopeless. A friend of mine thought my inability to lose weight was tied up in the medication I was taking for depression. That was all it took for me, S, one person’s opinion was all I needed to stop taking my medication.

I felt triumphant. I started talking about going “au naturel” and people loved the thought of me not having to be on medication for my entire life. I thought I’ve got this. I’m treating this naturally. I don’t want something in my body that messes with my ability to drop a few pounds.

Things went downhill quickly. Within the span of a few weeks, I was feeling anxious again. I was struggling to stay focused. A thick fog of sadness settled over me. There was one day in particular where I started having a panic attack in my gym, thinking to myself, “I’m going back into the dark. Dear God, help me. I don’t want to go back into the dark place.”

I share this for a few reasons:

Our friends and family mean well but they might not always be right. You’ve got to test everything. People talk out of what they know and understand to be true. Turns out, my medication didn’t stand in the way of me losing weight (I learned this a year later while completing a Whole30). Your mother, if she has never dealt with depression, may think the remedy is prayer. More prayer. Do I think prayer is a part of the journey? Yes, of course. Do I think “more prayer” is enough to get you out of a depression when there is a real chemical imbalance in your brain or a situation you can’t leave right now? In my own experience, no.

I quickly became intoxicated by this idea of what it would look like to battle my depression “naturally.” I felt like Gwenyth-freaking-Paltrow for about five minutes. But I’m not Gwenyth and it turns out my body was all sorts of shell-shocked by my decision to go cold-turkey off the medicine. I had to spend so much mental energy just trying to tread water while off the medication. I was going to impress people, I thought. I became enamored by a reality that wasn’t my own, by a story of “girl goes off medication and deals with it naturally” that wasn’t my story to hold. Maybe one day I will be able to be off of my medication but you know what, S? That’s not my goal. My goal is to be as healthy and happy as I can be and I am thankful medication helps me do that.

Never go off your medication, cold-turkey, in the middle of planning a wedding. Just don’t.

Would I go back and do this string of events differently? Maybe. For a few seconds, I think maybe I would. But then I remember what came out of that mistake of mine:

My therapist, who’d formed a relationship with me, phoned a doctor friend. The doctor, who normally had a wait list 6-months out, was able to get me in for a visit 6 weeks later. In the meantime, I went back on my medication. It was an act of faith for me. It was a step towards getting better. And in those 6 weeks of waiting, God did something in my heart which made me ready to talk about medication and the possibility that I might be on it forever. We don’t know, S. We just can’t know.

All in all, it came down to a step in the right direction. One step and then another step. That’s the only advice I feel compelled to give you today: just take the first, scary step.

You hit a wall. You wrote it out to me. You’re sad. You’re unhappy. You might be disappointed in God. You hit the point where sadness has become your default and you need to see what could be waiting on the other side.

It takes a Google search or asking around within your community. After that, it takes scheduling the appointment.

On the day of that appointment, you show up. You breathe in and out. You ask questions. You answer questions. You begin a journey towards mental health and there’s no shame in that.

You going to see a doctor isn’t a scratch on you. That’s not a defect or a disqualification. Depression doesn’t discount you. When condemnation comes rapping on your door, speak firmly to it, “You can’t come here anymore.”

Health is beautiful but health looks different for all of us. My journey won’t mirror yours. Yours won’t be the same as your people’s journies. But we all have a journey and it matters that we take it seriously.

It’s that one small step, S. It’s that picking up of the strength you’ve got left and cloaking it over you. Wake up, babe. Wake up. Put on your strength.

tying you closer than most,

hb.

No doubt that S will be reading the comments below. This is a hard yet necessary conversation to have. I would love for you to post an encouraging message below or a piece of your own story. Every little word counts in this space. Remind the others: you’re not alone.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/2KwW9pK via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes