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dumbhypmicheadcanons · 5 years

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the truth of when hypmic takes place: part two

Now that I have argued my point, it is time to actually use this information. Let’s start with birth years for everyone. This is, of course, assuming that the HypMic universe is currently at the date of 7/7/27, because this theory (and everything else tbh) revolves around Dice and Dice’s birthday. So, without further ado…

Jakurai: January 9th, 1992

Doppo: May 15th, 1998

Jyuto: May 30th, 1998

Hifumi: June 22nd,1998

Rio: June 21st, 1999

Samatoki: November 11th, 2001

Ramuda: February 14th, 2003

Gentaro: April 1st, 2003

Dice: July 7th, 2007

Ichiro: July 26th, 2007

Jiro: February 6th, 2010

Saburo: December 16th, 2012

These dates could easily be moved around if you change up which day we’re going by, for example, if we changed it to be December 31st, many of these characters would have been born a year later. These are simply estimates, but they are close enough for them to be useful.

So, with this information, let me tell tell you a thing. Jakurai? A millennial, through and through. He’s also a real 90’s kid. Jyuto, Doppo, Hifumi, and Rio are all fake 90’s kids that no one respects because they can’t remember shit about the 90’s. They, and potentially Samatoki, Ramuda, and Gentaro, all grew up thinking they were millennials but then people started calling them Gen Z and no one is quite sure which they are because they’re in that middle ground. The rest? Gen Z. They’re all constantly joking about how they want to die and playing Fortnite. Also, Saburo was born only days before everyone thought the world was going to end. This means there is a possibility that the bros are orphans because their parents drank like it was the end of the world because they thought it genuinely was and then they died.

I am aware that Japan almost definitely doesn’t have the same generational structure as the west, and I have been told that all of the characters were born in the Heisei era, but I have no clue what that means and I’m pretty sure Japanese people don’t stereotype people based on which emperor was ruling when they were born??? Eh maybe they do. I’m not an expert. However, we’re not here today to learn the good info and make accurate posts, we’re here for me to project myself onto these characters. So now, using these dates, lets analyze the childhoods of everything… through my American eyes.

Jakurai is a 90′s kid, which means he grew up in the prime era of moon shoes, tamagotchi, furbies, and of course, the gameboy. Jakurai played the original Pokemon games because he was Cultured like that.

Doppo, having no friends, absolutely started playing Pokemon when he was old enough to know how to press buttons. He probably really wanted to play Gold and Silver, but they came out before he knew how to read and his parents didn’t want to buy him some random video game. As soon as Ruby and Sapphire were released, however, he cried for days until his parents finally gave up and got him a copy of Sapphire. He played the fucking shit out of it, his first starter was a Mudkip and he adored it. When he and Hifumi met, he was appalled that Hifumi had never played Pokemon before and practically forced Hifumi to get a copy of Ruby so they could trade and battle each other. Doppo was such a hardo, he had a perfectly balanced team that could overcome pretty much any type weakness and he leveled up all of his Pokemon and tried to teach them really good moves. Hifumi literally just caught any cute looking Pokemon and didn’t train them at all. He never beat the Elite Four. His starter was a Torchic but as soon as it evolved into a Combusken he started crying because his adorable fire-chicken turned into a weird fighting penis-chicken but he still loved it and tried his best. Hifumi’s favorite part of the game was contests. They continued playing Pokemon for years and they still play it even in 2027, they will always buy the latest game no matter how old they get. Hifumi still sucks at it but Doppo doesn’t mind. They bought the game for Jakurai and got him to play it and he is so confused because like??? Horde battles? Mega-evolution?? What the fuck is this new shit he hasn’t picked up a game since Platinum??? And yet even without knowing what the fuck he’s doing, Jakurai is still better at the game than both of his other teammates and they don’t understand how he’s managed to perfectly EV train his team when he has never heard of EVs before.

Gentaro and Ramuda were around 7 when Silly Bandz got big. We all know that Ramuda fuckin loved those things. He was the kid who made his parents buy all of the newest designs, he would always make unfair trades with other kids like “I’ll give you my tiger if you give me your penguin, dolphin, and princess.” Ramuda was also the kid who had so, so many of them and he would wear all of them at the same time so he always had to be sent to the nurse for potentially cutting off circulation to his hands because he had Silly Bandz, in rainbow order because he was good at art class, from his wrists up to his shoulders. Ramuda got them banned from his school and every one in a 20-mile radius.

Now, let’s look at how old these characters all are today, this very day, April 22nd, 2019 (in my timezone). This is accounting for birthdays that have already happened, but if you are seeing this post at a much later date it will probably be wrong. It also will need to be adjusted if you don’t believe the Hypmic universe revolves around Dice like I do. However, the ages are close enough for shitposting purposes.

Jakurai: 27

Doppo, Jyuto, Hifumi: 20

Rio: 19

Samatoki: 17

Ramuda, Gentaro: 16

Dice, Ichiro: 11

Jiro: 9

Saburo: 6

What does this mean? Well, it means a lot of things.

Jiro is playing Fortnite at this very moment, yelling Russian slurs at random-ass people. Several other characters could also be playing Fortnite, like Dice, but Jiro is that fuckin kid that keeps beating the shit out of you and spending all of his brother’s money on v-bucks. Saburo is just a little boy, probably dealing with Jiro playing Fortnite at every opportunity. I don’t know what six-year-olds do with their time in this day and age but if I had to guess from the ones who constantly yell at each other in my vicinity, it would probably be roasting each other and playing Fortnite so… I guess Saburo is roasting Jiro over Fortnite?

The 29-year-olds are currently 20 which means they are adults in Japan and can get drunk off their asses legally! It also means they’re probably in college and their bloodstreams have been replaced with vodka and ecstasy. Jyuto does not have ecstasy in his system because he wants people to stop being drug addicts but he does keep going to parties and offering to be a stripper as long as he gets paid.

Samatoki is running a hardcore feminist Tumblr blog right now. Some people think it’s creepy that a 17 year old boy is reblogging posts that say something along the lines of “All men should fucking die they’re all scum” but he’s just being respectful.

Gentaro? He’s writing fanfiction now. That really nicely written rarepair slowburn with a bunch of poetic smut in the later chapters? Gentaro wrote that. He’s got some drafts for an original story he wants to write but he keeps putting it off and writing fanfiction instead.

There’s definitely other shit that I’m forgetting but these are my interpretations of Hypmic life that I can remember. Feel free to fight me or add your own interpretations, whichever makes you happier.

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #theory #shitpost #dumb headcanons #long post #fling posse #buster bros #matenrou #mad trigger crew #2027 theory

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laraehrlich-blog · 5 years

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Original content owned & copyrighted by Green Global Travel.

Oceans cover more than 70% of the planet, but that doesn’t adequately convey the amount of space available for aquatic animals to roam. Where land animals are limited by gravity, marine animals can go from coastal shallows to trenches the depths of which humans have barely begun to explore.

So it’s no surprise that the planet’s largest creatures, , are ocean-dwelling. In terms of the world’s largest animals, the competition isn’t even close.

The next largest animal of any species, the READ MORE: North Atlantic Right Whale Facts

Whale Facts

Whale Size

Whale Habitat

Whale Diet

Are Whales Endangered?

Whale Conservation

Whale Facts

About Whales

Whale Facts

1. Whales are one of around 80 species of Cetaceans, including other , baleen whale.

2. Like other mammals, this species is warm-blooded and breathes via lungs. Mothers give birth to live baby Whales, which they then nurse.

3. The Whale’s scientific name is Balaenoptera musculus, and there are actually three subspecies. Balaenoptera musculus musculus inhabits the North Atlantic and North Pacific. Balaenoptera musculus intermedia lives in the Southern Ocean, and Balaenoptera musculus brevicauda lives in the Indian Ocean.

4. Despite their common name, the Whale is actually a more mottled blue-gray color when out of the water. However, underwater their skin appears to be true blue. Their pale bellies often take on a yellowish tinge, which results from the millions of microorganisms that live in their skin.

5. In addition to being the largest animal in the world, they’re amongst the longest living animals as well. The average Whale lifespan is 80 to 90 years, but some live to 110 ( are the longest living mammal, at over 200 years). Strangely, a whale’s age is calculated by counting the layers of their waxy earplugs, á la tree rings!

READ MORE: Southern Resident Killer Whale Facts

Whale by NOAA Fisheries/Lisa Conger [Public domain]

Whale Size

6. Whale size is staggering to consider: They can measure in the vicinity of 100 feet long (making them the longest animal in the world), and can weigh up to 200 tons. It’s difficult to conceive when we imagine something so big that sometimes moves at considerable speeds.

7. The Whale is the largest animal ever known to have lived on Earth. They are larger, longer, and heavier than any other animal, including all known species of dinosaurs.

8. More trivial tidbits about Whale size: Its tongue weighs as much as an elephant and is roughly the same length. The Whale weighs the equivalent of about 40 full-grown READ MORE: 60 Weird Animals Around the World

Whale by janeb13 via Pixabay

Whale Habitat

16. Given their gargantuan size, you may be wondering where does the Whale live. Interestingly, the answer is just about everywhere! Whale habitat encompasses all of the planet’s oceans, though not necessarily at all times of the year.

17. Whales generally like to spend their summers in cool Antarctica.

18. During the winter, Whale migration patterns move them towards the equator. But they tend to avoid seas that are too warm, because they can easily overheat. This migration to warmer waters also helps with their reproduction cycle.

19. Whale reproduction includes a 10- to 12-month gestation period. Mothers give birth every two to three years, often in the same habitat in which they were impregnated.

20. Whale migration can occur in small groups (called pods), but they’re usually content to travel solo or in pairs. Even when they seem to be traveling alone, scientists who study Whale behavior suggest they’re actually moving in pods miles apart, communicating via calls underwater.

21. Whales usually swim at about five to 12 miles per hour. But when threatened (or inspired by other active ), these behemoths can use those massive flukes to move at up to 30 miles per hour.

22. The most concentrated Whale habitats in winter are the waters off of Baja California, deep oceans and are rarely seen close to the shore. Weighing in at over 100,000 tons, how would they get there? These big, blue behemoths really need the space of the open seas.

READ MORE: Whales That Live in Antarctica

“ Whale (Balaenoptera musculus)” by Gregory “Slobirdr” Smith is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Whale Diet

24. Though Whales are known as gentle giants, they’re actually carnivores and apex predators. Simply put, they feed on other animals, and generally travel the oceans without worry of predators attacking them. This makes them vital to well-functioning marine ecosystems.

25. Like all baleen , Whales don’t have any teeth. Instead, they have a system of fringed plates made of keratin (fingernail-like material) that filter out prey rather than tearing it apart. To feed, they take enormous gulps of water, then force the water out through the plates. This process ensnares small marine animals, which they then swallow whole.

26. The Whale diet is mostly made up of Krill– shrimp-like creatures that are very small (about the two inches long). Nevertheless, using this gulp-and-filter technique, Whales are known to consume 4 tons (approximately 40 million krill) a day during peak feeding season.

27. During migration (which can last up to four months), Whales eat very little, instead living off the blubber they’ve acquired during peak feeding season. Despite their massive size, they only have a thin layer of blubber when compared to other . For example, Right Whales–which weigh a mere 100 tons and grow about 60 feet long– are much more blubbery.

28. As mentioned above, baby Whales can gain over 200 pounds a day, averaging out to about 10 pounds an hour. This is accomplished by drinking up to 100 gallons of their mother’s milk (which is 35-50% fat) each day. They’re weaned at about six months, by which time they’re already over 50 feet long. After weaning, young start consuming solid foods and hunting their own prey.

READ MORE: Protecting Whales & Dolphins in Golfo Dulce, Costa Rica

“Balaenoptera musculus” is licensed under CC BY 4.0

Are Whales Endangered?

29. Given their massive size, you might wonder why Whales are endangered according to the IUCN Red List. The only known Whale predators (which are rarely successful) are pods of hungry Orca. And even these “Killer Whales” rarely prey on anything larger than a baby Whale.

30. Prior to the 20th century, Whale numbers were estimated in the hundreds of thousands. Approximately 95 to 99% of their global population was decimated by unchecked READ MORE: 15 Harmful Traditions & Cultural Practices Tourists Should Avoid

“Balaenoptera musculus (blue whale) 3” by James St. John is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Whale Conservation

34. Whale conservation efforts have been both numerous and largely successful. Most of them have centered around stopping whaling in general, with only a handful of countries remaining among the holdouts. Luckily, Whales are not among the list of cetaceans most likely to be hunted.

35. The International Whale Commission created whaling regulations in 1946 and enacted an all-out ban in 1986, referred to as the commercial whaling moratorium. Whale protection has also been extended under the Species at Risk Act (Canada) and Endangered Species Act (United States), among other initiatives across the globe.

36. Whale protection also comes from a bevy of other Whale and Dolphin Conservation, Save the Whales, and Sea Shepherd Conservation Society. These NGOs make efforts to prevent whaling, safeguard Whale habitats, reconfigure problematic shipping routes, and keep the ocean clean.

READ MORE: Jean-Michel Cousteau on the Future of Marine Conservation

Whale exhale in Sri Lanka by Christopher Michel via flickr & CC & 2.0

Whale Facts

37. Whales are one of the loudest animals in the world. They emit pulses, groans, and moans that can be heard hundreds of miles away. These songs can be used to communicate, navigate, and for mating purposes. At 188 decibels, some of their calls are louder than a jet engine. But, at 15-40 Hz, they are often below our human hearing range.

38. As mammals, Whales require lungs and air to breathe. They inhale and exhale via their blowhole, which is located on top of their massive heads. For deep dives, they can take in enough oxygen to last 90 minutes underwater, but typical dives only last half an hour. When they exhale, the spray that erupts into the air is from water that congregates atop the blowhole while submerged.

39. The Whale’s mouth is extraordinary! Their throats have expandable pleats, and their mouths can open so wide that another whale could actually swim into them. Scientists studying this phenomenon calculated that the Whale’s mouth captured enough food during a truncated 11-minute dive to provide 100 times the energy used to make the dive in the first place.

40. At the risk of being grotesque, the Whale’s penis is dumbfounding, reaching 8 to 10 feet long. It weighs several hundred pounds, but is hidden inside a genital slit during normal daily activities. Each time they have intercourse, a Whale can ejaculate 30-40 pints of semen, which increases their chances of reproduction and flushes out the sperm of competing males.

READ MORE: Blackfish Director Gabriela Cowperhwaite Takes on Sea World

Whale Blowhole Photo by NOAA

About Whales

How many Whales are left in the world?

The numbers are somewhat up for debate, but most NGOs seem to settle somewhere close to 10,000. Pessimistic groups might estimate a population somewhere in the 5,000 to 10,000 range, whereas more optimistic collectives might stretch their Whale numbers up to 25,000.

Despite being by far the largest animals on earth, Whales are notoriously elusive. So it’s very difficult to get an accurate read on theit global population.

That being said, what we do know for sure is that over 350,000 Whales were killed by hunters between 1900 and 1960, prior to the International Whaling Commission putting regulations on the practice. Since then, these gentle giants have rarely died by the harpoon.

What do Whales eat?

For the most part, Whales eat Krill. Krill are tiny crustaceans that resemble shrimp and are about the size of a human’s pinky finger.

During feeding season, they can consume about 4 tons of Krill a day. They do also consume other sea creatures, including a few other crustaceans, as bycatch to the Krill.

What is the difference between a male and female Whale?

Female Whales are actually the larger of the species, averaging about 32 feet (or 10 meters) longer than males and weighing around 30,000 tons more.

Obviously, they have different sexual organs, but they are otherwise very similar in color, appearance, habitat, and migration.

Female Whales are called cows, while males are called bulls. Baby Whales are called calves.

Are Whales the biggest animal ever?

Whales are the biggest animal currently in existence, including being the longest, largest, and heaviest. They are also the largest known animal to have ever existed. The Finback Whale is nearly as long as its cousin, measuring close to 90 feet long. But it weighs significantly less.

The Right Whale, the planet’s second heaviest animal, can get up to 100 tons, which is about half what the largest Whale can weigh. The largest African Elephant– the world’s biggest living land animal– is about a quarter the length of a Whale, and just one-fortieth the weight.

Due to space and buoyancy, sea-going animals like can grow to be much larger than land animals, which need skeletons that can support their bodies.

Are Whales bigger than dinosaurs?

Whales are bigger than dinosaurs, particularly those puny T-Rexes and other apex carnivores. A few members of the sauropods– herbivorous dinosaurs with long necks– are projected to have possibly been longer than Whales.

Supersaurus and Argentinoasaurus are believed to have been over 100 feet long. However, their dimension projections are based on only a few bones, with nothing even close to an entire skeleton.

Nearly half of their length was in their necks, so Whales are believed to easily weigh twice as much (or more) as these dinosaurs did. In other words, not only are Whales bigger, but they are MUCH larger than even the biggest, fabled dinosaur. —Jonathon Engels

The post 40 Fascinating Whale Facts (From Size & Diet to Conservation) appeared first on Green Global Travel.

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geekling2000 · 5 years

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Stop Premature Ejaculation

Untimely Ejaculation could in all likelihood be a standout amongst the most well-known issues tormenting the explicitly dynamic men of the present world. It is the condition when the individual Ejaculations too early, for example before the female accomplice contacts her peak. The male peak is gotten when there is the release of the original liquid from the penis amid the sexual demonstration. In men with untimely Ejaculation, this happens very soon.

Normally, http://ejaculationtrainer101.org/ one of the serious issues with untimely Ejaculation is that is enables neither accomplice to appreciate the sexual demonstration in an appropriate way. The male is disappointed in light of the fact that he can't hold out the pleasurable vibes of sexual contact for a more drawn out period; and the female accomplice is fulfilled on the grounds that she doesn't touch base at her sexual pinnacle.

In spite of the fact that untimely Ejaculation is a condition when the male comes too early, there is no restriction about how soon. In other words, there is no fixed time limit before which it very well may be said that the man is experiencing untimely Ejaculation. An early meaning of the case proposed that men who Ejaculation inside two minutes of the infiltration are experiencing untimely discharge; yet this definition is currently viewed as repetitive on the grounds that an amazing half of all men of the world - youthful and old - are known to discharge inside this time span, and in the majority of the cases the ladies are completely fulfilled.

The reasons for untimely discharge are beyond any reasonable amount to list totally. In young fellows who are evaluating sex out of the blue, there could be so much fervor that the release may happen too soon. At times, young fellows might play out the sexual demonstration covertly, and this would require them to discharge soon. This could turn into a propensity in later life. The world over, untimely discharge is discovered more in young fellows than in more seasoned men. More established men become familiar with the little-known techniques better and by practicing restraint, they can defer their discharges.

Men experiencing ailments, for example, diabetes additionally experience the ill effects of untimely discharges, for example on the off chance that they get an erection by any means. Diabetes can make a man weak. Mental pressure and strains likewise assume a job in driving the man to discharge before both the accomplices are completely stimulated. Likewise, smokers are known to discharge rashly while engaging in sexual relations. The utilization of specific medications - restorative just as opiate - can cause untimely discharge in an individual.

Since untimely Ejaculation is so generally widespread among guys of the present age, there are likewise numerous proposals accessible to correct the circumstance. One of the significant systems utilized broadly is the 'press' method. The male - or the female accomplice - excites the penis by stroking it. At the point when the release is going to happen, the glans (for example leader of the penis) is crushed with the thumb and the pointer. This stays away from the semen from getting discharged, and the penis winds up limp as the blood receives ejected in return. Following a moment or somewhere in the vicinity, the penis is stirred once more, and again crushed when the man is going to Ejaculation. Doing this two or multiple times amid each sexual demonstration can expand the excitement esteem. Additionally when the male at long last Ejaculations, it will be a bounteous measure of semen.

Every single sexual master underline the need of being thoroughly calm when performing sex. While engaging in sexual relations, the individual must focus just on the demonstration and not on any common issues. By utilizing mind-control, an accomplished man can defer his discharge.

One more technique is to jerk off only a couple of minutes before the sexual demonstration. Masturbation calms a portion of the sexual dissatisfaction. Additionally since a Ejaculation has just happened, the man will set aside a more extended effort to Ejaculation while engaging in sexual relations with his female accomplice.

Amid the sexual demonstration, more significance ought to be paid to foreplay. Foreplay implies the excitement of the non-genital organs of the body, for example, the areolas, ear cartilage, scruff of the neck, thighs and fundamental contact with the skin itself. Draw out the infiltration for however much time as could be expected and center around other excitement focuses of the body. Conversing with the accomplice amid sex is likewise a way to defer the genuine discharge.

Liquor was considered - is as yet considered by a few - to be an answer for untimely Ejaculation. The prime contention to support its was that liquor numbs the nerves, thus it can postpone the Ejaculation for quite a while. Presently this isn't valid. Regardless of whether liquor helps individuals with untimely Ejaculation or not, one certainty stands and that will be that liquor is hurtful for the fundamental wellbeing of the individual. Thus one ought to be mindful what treatment he takes when sexual issues like untimely Ejaculation are concerned.

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3one3 · 7 years

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The Sequel - 873

Plans For Later

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Mommy! Mommy!”

“She’s working, Mausi. Give her a minute and she’ll be back.”

“Mommy!”

“Shhh. You’re going to spook Dezy. And Optimus doesn’t like it when you yell either. You don’t want to upset him, do you?”

“No. But Mommyyyyyy.”

“What do you need her for?

“Mommy.”

Lukas wanted or needed his mom for an undisclosed reason, and André just needed him to shut up. He promised his wife that he could give their little boy a pony ride around the outdoor ring at the same time as Stephanie’s lesson with her big, willful mare without disturbing their training. His husband-senses told him she was seconds from turning around to snap at him for being a disturbance. Christina already scolded him for leading Lukas and Optimus too close to the track around the rail, in Stefanie’s way. They were supposed to stay in the middle of the ring because the bigger horse wasn’t using it, and the bigger horse was the closest thing on the property to an actual fire-breathing dragon. The blood bay mare had the hottest temper of all the fit equine athletes, and the most energy to burn. Her rider and trainer were working on an exercise that required halting between two jumps that were just 4 strides apart, and it was infuriating her. Patience, stopping, behaving, control- none were her forte; all were required to successfully complete the exercise. Dezy would have happily trampled miniature horse, footballer, and miniature footballer all the same if they crossed her path in the wrong moment, and Stefanie would have little say in it.

“Why do you want Mommy?”

“She wants to sing,” Lukas whined while bouncing in his very tiny saddle. Christina got a very tiny bridle for her chestnut and white paint too so that Lukas could practice holding reins on his pony rides.

“I don’t think she wants to sing right now, actually,” André sighed. He tugged the small horse along in hopes that moving would distract the passenger. She’s busy trying to resist the urge to tell Stef to get off and let her do it, he thought, recognizing the frustration in Christina’s voice as she barked orders and a belittling form of encouragement. I hope she doesn’t get on her. Those are her favorite jeans right now and they’re not for riding. She has her period now so if she ruins the jeans there will probably be tears. Over jeans. Yes. That is the girl that I married, the player told himself as he turned his head to make sure Lukas was doing okay in the saddle. Christina somehow walked around her rings backward all the time without running into anything while she talked or watched. André didn’t have that skill. He had to switch between checking on his son, watching Dezy to try to figure out where she was going next, and looking for his girl, so that he didn’t lead the pony in between the two and interrupt their communication. Why is she wearing those pants out here anyway? They’re such a light wash, and they’re so thin and soft. Dirt magnet for sure.

“Daddy!”

“What?”

“I need to go.”

“Go where?”

“I need to goooooo.”

“Go wh- Oh.” The midfielder on the mend looked behind him again and saw Lukas holding his crotch. “You have to go potty?” he asked him. The little boy nodded emphatically. “Like immediately or can you- Actually let’s just go now.” Chris will Dracarys me if he pees all over the saddle, André concluded. He draped the lead rope over the pony’s neck and used both hands to pluck the child off his back. “You can go right here. Do you need help with your pants?”

“Here?” Lukas looked up at him like he was crazy, but also with urgency in his adorable little face. His dad squatted and tugged his sweatpants all the way down. Without a small plastic toilet to aim at, he had no idea what to do, and in all the confusion, he ran out of time- just in time for his mom to notice.

“Babe! What is-“ she started to wail when she shifted to watch Stefanie and Dezy’s approach into the jumping exercise and saw them canter behind her kid with his pants down and holding up his shirt. He couldn’t hold it any longer, and the urine stream began before Christina could even get all of the incredulous words out. Unfortunately, it was before he understood that he could just aim at any part of the 100 square meters or so of sand surrounding him. He went directly into his pull-up diaper and pants instead.

“Oops...” André muttered as he watched the little splashes make dark spots on the gray sweats.

“Why is he peeing in the middle of my ring!” Mom shouted more than asked. It upset the boy right away. Uhoh, Dad then muttered to himself. He saw Lukas’ eyes get sad, and a deep frown take over from the confusion. Lukas only enjoyed upsetting his mother on purpose, not by accident. André rubbed his back and used one finger to pull at the front of the diaper and pants to see how bad the situation was inside.

“It was an emergency,” he explained, to both of them really. He tried to keep his tone pleasant and unbothered, for Lukas’ sake. He didn’t even notice that Optimus Prime was walking away. “We didn’t want to have an accident on the saddle.”

“He’s wearing a diaper,” Christina reminded him in her condescending “you idiot” voice. She also walked closer to intercept the pony before he could wander far. “I’d rather he go in the diaper in the saddle than think it’s okay to just whip it out and pee anywhere. Particularly in my footing!”

“Well...he can whip it out and pee anywhere. That’s the beauty of having a penis.”

“Not in socially unacceptable places!” A begrudging groan grew out of her throat before she switched to sympathy. “Is he all wet?”

“Do you want me to keep circling?” Stefanie called from the end of the ring, beyond where her two jumps were set up.

“No. Just walk.”

“It’s no big deal,” André assured his wife, and Lukas too. “We’ll just pull these back on and go get cleaned up and changed at the house. Can you hang onto Optimus or do I need to take him back first?” He looked up at her expectantly while carefully shimmying the diaper and pants up, and Lukas looked up at her like he was about to cry either because he felt like a mess or because he knew he upset her. What they got back was a big, exasperated sigh, arms held out at her sides, and an ambiguous circular shake of her head.

“Boyfriend. I’m trying to teach a lesson here. Take the pony back to Isa.”

“But he’s-“ He started to try to tell her that Lukas wasn’t going to want to walk on his own two feet given the puddle in his diaper that spilled and splashed out into his sweatpants, and that he obviously couldn’t put him back on the pony that way. Lukas took it upon himself to make his discomfort known by bursting into tears and turning to Daddy for a hug. He thought he would carry him home by the armpits or something so that he didn’t have to get himself damp with urine either. The unhappy little boy wouldn’t have that. He needed the hug and helped himself to it. André’s sarcastic “great, thanks” face almost made Christina laugh. She got as far as smirking. “It’s okay, Mausi. You’re not in trouble. Mommy is just-“

“Mommy is nothing,” she warned as she reached for the chinstrap buckle on Lukas’ helmet. Then her demeanor and her voice softened since his face was pressed into the same spot on André’s chest that she used for a pillow the night before and he couldn’t see that she wasn’t scowling or glaring at him. “Can you take Optimus back to the barn?” she asked. “He needs to be with Kimi or he’ll be lonely and sad. Here, take the lead and walk him back for me, okay? You take Optimus and Daddy will hold your hand. Can you do that for me?” Christina rubbed the weepy little blonde’s head with one hand and tugged her miniature paint closer with the other. Optimus sniffed in the vicinity of the accident, and Lukas let go of his dad and his dad’s shirt to see what the animal was up to. “Can you walk him back? For me?”

“Okay, Mommy.” Lukas reached to pet the pony’s nose and take his lead rope at the same time. She let him take it, and covered her face to stifle the laughing when she saw the wet, very yellow blob low on André’s shirt.

“I think he’s dehydrated,” she snickered. “Make sure you give him some water after you change his clothes.”

“Mommy!”

“Wha?”

“You need to sing with me. Banana song!”

“I need you to take your pony back to the barn.” Christina bent down to smooch her son’s head and then replace his helmet on it. His shoulders slumped in defeat because he really wanted to do some singing, but he was an obedient child, and very much his mom’s child, so he didn’t want to let her down by not doing what she asked. This phenomenon always amazed André. He always saw the way Lukas responded to whatever his wife’s energy was. If she were sad, Lukas was sad. If she looked angry, or sounded annoyed with him, he acted guilty. If she negotiated fairly with him and refrained from being domineering, or sounding like she was ordering him to do something, then he usually did it even if he didn’t want to. Most importantly, if she smiled at him, kissed him, or told him she loved him, it made Lukas happy. André was jealous of her emotional influence, and jealous especially of that last part- of the impact of Christina’s smile. He remembered when her smile made him instantly happy too, and missed it.

He took Lukas’ hand and steered child and pony toward the gap in the ring’s hedge perimeter. Spencer and Lucky sprang up from their shady spot in the grass in front of the gazebo to decide if they wanted to follow the boys or stay put where they could see their mom. Their workday was nearing its end and they were tired, so they lay back down. Christina went back to work. Dezy was actually more cooperative after the interruption, perhaps thanks to the mental break. Stefanie was better able to contain her landing stride, bottle her up into a halt that looked purposeful instead of like something sliding to a stop at the last second before tumbling off a cliff, and then progress toward the second fence without exploding during the upward transition back to the canter. Her coach instructed her to practice it twice more on each lead and then call it a day. Kyle was already there and warming up for his lesson. Christina let them try the same exercise a couple of times but their main focus for the day was flatwork for shape and impulsion. Cartagena needed a lot of that, in her opinion, and working on it was a good way for his young pilot to deepen their relationship and feel for one another. All saddle time is good for that. Jumping around is great for the rider to really tune his eye on the horse. Extensive flatwork is even better, because it’s all about feel and balance and learning one another almost psychically.

“Did you make sure Dez gets wrapped? That was a lot of jumps,” Christina pointed out to her other student, who returned to watch and learn from Kyle’s lesson too. To Spencer and Lucky, she returned to provide a lap for them to sit on in the gazebo. They knew better than to go in the ring, but stood on the other side of the low hedge on their back legs to try to get to their human when she came over at the end of the training session. Christina reached over it to pet them.

“Yeah, Isa said he was going to pack her feet as well. Are you finished now?” Stefanie inquired, also on her feet. The two girls walked toward the wide path back up to the barn on their respective sides of the hedge. Kyle and Cartagena had some cooling down to do before they’d head that way too.

“Alllllll done. I rode 6 today before the 4 lessons for you guys.”

“I was about to invite myself over for dinner and hanging out, but I guess I shouldn’t,” the native German girl laughed.

“Actually we’re going out tonight anyway, with Marco and Mario. You’re welcome to come with us but I’m gueeeeeeessing you’re not interested,” Christina laughed back. The two friends and sometimes teammates joined the neat and nicely edged dirt walk together and started toward the stable with terriers in tow.

“Definitely not interested.”

“You can go hang out with Espen and Lukas if you want. They’ll be home, and they’re having spinach and kale pesto turkey burgers for dinner.”

“You’re raising that kid who loses his mind when he goes to his friend’s house and is allowed to have soda and potato chips.”

“I am not!” Christina protested. “He’s had Coke before, and I let him eat junk food all the time. I just try to feed him healthy, unprocessed stuff as much as possible so that that’s what he likes and wants to eat. He doesn’t even like soda. He doesn’t even like full strength juice! I have to water it down. I’m happy about that. We were out running errands all over the place a few days ago and we were both starving so I gave in and went to McDonald’s for McNuggets and fries because we both love McNuggets and fries and in small quantities they’re not that terrible for you, but I asked him if he wanted chicken or a burger and he wanted the burger. He got two bites in, made an unhappy face, and asked if I had any carrots. I was so proud.”

“Poor kid. His childhood is ruined,” Stefanie teased as they began up the small hill the barn and indoor sat on.

“Like you’re gonna say no to that spinach and kale pesto turkey burger.”

“Yeah, I’m not. It sounds delicious,” she conceded.

“Where’s Michael tonight?”

“Berlin, for a work meeting.”

“Do you see him before we leave tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Aww bummer.”

“He’s coming Friday for the weekend.” Her face slowly split in a growing smile, and Christina felt envious of the excitement of relatively new, fresh, young love. Stefanie was obviously thrilled that her new boyfriend was going to Rome to watch her compete- something Mario almost never did. “Oh I just remembered- can he fly back with us on Sunday or is there no room on the jet?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

They changed footwear, checked on their horses- some of which would be departing in the early morning hours for Rome- chatted with Isandro, and trekked over to the house. Lukas had a new outfit on and was standing on his mom’s stepladder to help Espen with a baking project. She was making pumpkin and oat muffins to bring for snacking on the horse show trip, and the little boy’s job was to put the papers in the muffin tins. He nearly tumbled off the ladder when the dogs ran into the kitchen and he realized Mom was home. She visited with him and let him show her what he was doing, and attempt to tell her what he was going to have for dinner. He said it was like a burger but not a burger because it didn’t have any burger in it. He was very excited about it, reason unknown. Christina made the spinach and kale pesto, including traditional basil, earlier in the day. She reminded Espen how much to fold into the ground turkey, what else to add, and how best to grill the patties before she went upstairs to find André. Espen said he was putting laundry away. Naturally his wife did not believe that.

“Baaaabe?” she called out on her way into the master bedroom.

“Why are you so loud?” he asked back skeptically. He was stretched out on the nicely made bed, also in a new outfit. “Marco had some kind of Noah-related situation so dinner is delayed. You can take your time getting ready.”

“I’m going like this,” the rider informed him as she set herself down next to him and leaned over onto his sweater to see what he was doing with his phone. “It’s just Vapiano, right?”

“Mhm. You don’t want to change?”

“I’m not dirty. I’ll put heels and a jacket on. Watcha doin?”

“Texting with Dad. I’m finished though. What are you doin?” André placed the phone on his stomach and reached across himself to touch her cheek. Christina lifted her head to give him a kiss.

“What time do we have to go?”

“An hour.”

“In that case, I’m relaxing. That’s what I’m doing.” She moved her right knee onto his thigh and hugged his middle with her right arm. “Don’t let me fall asleep or we’re not going.”

“Did your period start yet?”

“No. Any minute.”

“Want to have sex?”

“You were not talking to your dad. You were watching porn.”

“That is correct, yeah,” he chuckled.

“Why?”

“I put your laundry away, including the light gray panties you were wearing the other night when you got yourself off for me. It made me think about your hand in there, and the wet spot coming through underneath,” the player explained casually, without any embarrassment. His fingers rubbed at her scalp right behind her temple, and her fingers moved from his waist to his crotch.

“Must not have been good porn,” she concluded after the tactile assessment.

“I sat down literally two minutes before you walked in.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“You can make it up to me...”

“Later? I had plans for later...” Christina told him just as leadingly as he accepted her apology. I want to take a late night bath with him. I really, really need big fat Schü hands all over my entire body tonight. I want him to hold my sides, and fondle my boobs a lot, and do the thing when he- like- when he delicately feels around between my legs, and rubs the side of his face on the side of my head. And then we can get in bed all nice and clean and fresh and he can put those long fingers delicately IN-

“What sort of plans?” André’s interruption of her internal itinerary was actually a blessing, as she was close to accidentally future-fantasy-ing herself into wanting the same thing he wanted in the present. Her previously established plans for later were supposed to be more about romance and relaxation, not the kind of quick sexual gratification she thought he was after just then. Going back to “work” came with mixed feelings for her, and she wanted a good sendoff to set her up feeling good from the beginning.

Hiding out at home since the Olympics meant Christina hadn’t had to see anybody from her competition life, or answer questions from colleagues instead of just media. She didn’t know what kind of reception she’d get around the horse show in Rome- if people would congratulate her and think she did well, if they’d talk behind her back about how the individual gold should have been hers to win and she blew it, or if there would be any change in the level of respect she commanded among her equestrian peers. Heiner and Holger were only just learning about her plans to hardly compete until the New Year, and she wasn’t sure how they would take it, or if they would even believe her since she was inclined to change her mind a lot. They were coming to the Global Champions Tour event to watch and take notes on how everyone was doing, as it was just a week before the Nations Cup Final in Barcelona. The only conversation she had with either of them about her plans was when Holger called to confirm her place in the Nations Cup Final team before it was announced. He said they were nominating Dirk for it, and it was major news to him when Christina snorted and said Dirk hadn’t even worn a saddle since the individual medal ceremony in Tokyo. Her plan was to take Nick, and Holger was accepting of that but not thrilled. He didn’t have much of a choice. His youngest but then very experienced star wasn’t sure what to expect from her colleagues, her coaches, or herself. It was her first time back in the show ring since the Olympics and she had no idea if anything about competing would feel different, or if she’d inherently changed. Her overall feeling about going away to Italy was pretty calm, but a gentle current of anxiety and apprehension moved through her at the same time.

“Plans that you’ll like.”

“Promise?”

André’s girl nodded her head on his chest and made a kissy face at him since she couldn’t reach his mouth or cheek without moving. Whether soaking in the tub with me and then making love is the kind of plan he’ll really like or not, I think he’ll like it when I tell him I want to do that before I leave because I think being close with him will help inoculate me against anything unfortunate that might happen when I get to Rome, she thought. He likes being Security Blanket Schü. I wish I could take him with me, just in case.

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