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systemofsky · 5 years

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@the-lost-system was interested in seeing our tattoos and maybe some of you will enjoy them too, so here goes our little tattoo story.

Oh and it was a pain in the ass to get decent pictures of them, so I am sorry that the quality is not the greatest. The tattoos definately look better irl.

We got our first one in 2016, a short time before our 19th birthday. One of our friends had gotten a tattoo as well, so we decided that it's time to get our first one done. Mind you, we still had no clue that we were multiple at that point! Still it's interesting that all our tats symbolize different alters. This first one speaks to all of us, but on different levels. Mostly it is for Panthera, our wild one that can shapeshift into a panther and for the alters that live in the forests of our inner world like Feya and Lion. It is a reminder to never give up, to not let this world change us and to always remain fierce and wild at heart. "Wild hearts can't be tamed" somewhat became our life motto and as our first tattoo, we still hold it very dear to our heart.

Next came these two, only about a month after the first one. These have a story of rebellion. We went with the same tattoo-obsessed friend to a Tattoo convention in our home town. My dad drove us there, saying that we will be in "big trouble" should we get a tattoo there. You have to know that my parents are russian, very conservative and ABSOLUTELY against tattoos and any other body modifications. Getting the first tat did not sit well with them, especially our mom. But, our mother has been controlling all our life up until that point and we were sick of it. We needed to break free from her and her oppression. We needed to be seen, no matter what it took. So me and the friend have a blast at the con, I pick a super cool artist from The Netherlands and we chat about what "fear" means while he inks me.

Here comes a close up of the two:

These are magic runes from the Shadowhunter series/ The mortal Instruments books. This one stands for "fearlessness". Anxiety and fear have been a really big theme throughout our lives as with many people that have been traumatized for a looong ass time. It serves as a constant reminder while yes, we cannot simply wish away the fear with magic, we CAN make it through it and we have done so every single time. Fear does not define us as a person, if anything it made us stronger and more resilient.

Oh and the little marks on top are NOT from s*lf h*rm, but we have 3 beautiful rat boys that love to climb on me and well tiny scratches simply happen with that.

This is the other rune and it symbolizes "courage in combat". As you see, it goes perfectly with our battle with anxiety and other mental health issues. Simply surviving our past and sometimes making it through the day with DID can be very hard. Yes, we have lost battles, but the war is far from over and I know that we will have peace one day.

And damn did we need that strength when we showed those tattoos to our parents the next day. We also did a dragon paintbrush non-permanent tattoo on our left forearm, we first showed them that one and they were like: "See, you don't need to permanantly mark your body with these bold statements and ugly ink". They are wrong. We NEED bold statements and we need our BEAUTIFUL ink. This is art to us. This body has failed us so many times and we do not exactly associate positive things with it. So it is time to transform in into something nice, into a home for all of us. This means painting the walls, creating art work that will stay with us for the rest of our lifes. It is a form of healing for us and therefor very important.

Then I showed my parents the real tats. Needless to say, I had to leave the house for the day after the fight that insued. It was ugly, yet it was a victory. I stood my ground (and no, I did not "flee" the scene. I simply needed to get away from the hurtful things they said and the toxic energy they let out towards something that I consider positive change. Sometimes stepping away is self-care and not weakness) and I wish that I had done that more in my life. My parents are still not okay with the tattoos, but they learned to simply ignore the matter over the years and we are okay with that.

These two runes are associated with our Protectors Lion, Ty and Panthera for the most part. They are the ones helping us fight all these battles, they need to be strong and courageous. But the tattoos are also meant for our rebellious teenage alters Raven, Zeki and the one that does not want to be named.

And now for the last one so far.

We got this one done in a completely different period of our life, though not even 2 years later at 20. But at that point, we had met our amazing partner and have been living together for about 6 months in a different city, away from our parents and other negative things that have happened in the past.

This tattoo is the first one with colour in it and that symbolizes to us, that our world has FINALLY changed, it became brighter, happier, more ALIVE. Blue is our favourite colour and also the colour of "real ink" usually. So this one speaks to Panthera again, she is one of the alters that have been created the earliest (at the beginning of elementary) and she is one of the reasons we survived and actually had the chance to make it to this better place. We will eternally be grateful for her existance. But the tat also speaks to me, Skye, now the host for a couple of years. As an author, ink is almost sacred to me. I sometimes call it my life blood. My hands are often stained with ink because I love to draw, journal and actually write in ink. Almost all my first drafts are written in ink and well it get's messy and that is okay. That is life. Spilling ink onto pages after pages is what my soul longs for. It gives me peace, closure and the ability to create worlds that are more interesting and characters that are stronger than me. This is freedom to us. And I wish to one day have all these pages inspire people, to give them hope in their world that might still only be black and grey. That is my dream. The novel that I am writing is also represented in this tattoo. The main character is also able to shapeshift to a beautiful, strong and fierce big cat.

All the tattoos so far that we have are located on the right side of our body (right forearm and right upper thigh) and are mostly aimed at alters that have been here longer than I as a host have been. All were made before I knew about DID but still represent it and our story so perfectly.

My next tattoo is already planned out in my head. It will be a next step on our recovery and I hope to be able to get it soon. This time, it will represent me as Host for the most part and our passion for writing. This time it will be located on our left forearm. Because subconsciously I have "mapped" out the body in the beginning of my tattoo journey. Tattoos on the right side represent alters that had to be strong and face struggles, those that have been in the body for a very long time. The left side will be aimed at the alters that came in later, at another breaking point in our life, when the chronic pain started. These alters are mainly helpers, more delicate than the first group, more spiritual, but they love with a passionate fire and have helped us to get far in life. The goal for this next tattoo is, that I want to be able to pay for it with my own money earned from writing. That way it will symbolize our love for writing and our goal to become more independant and move one step further away from the dark past.

Boy, this was probably the longest post I have ever made on tumblr, but also the most important. It shows a story of strength represented in beautiful ink and I hope (even tho is is kinda dark at places), that you have found it to be inspiring. Thank you for reading and much love from

Skye💙 Ty💚 and Panthera🖤

#did #dissociative identity disorder #did systems #tw traumatized #tw anxiety #fear #controlling parents #inked #tattoos #tattooed #dark past #bright future #inner strength #fearlessness #battles #victory #tw self harm

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pepperstrawberry · 5 years

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Anime or not to Anime...

This post got looong. So, yeah Pepper rant and ramble. Going to put it all under the cut. X3

So... a post thing that happened earlier reminded me of one of my biggest pet peeves: What is and isn’t an ‘anime’.

So... while ‘anime’ can -generally- be used as an identifier of animations made in Japan, it’s really just another word that muddles the conversation.

Anime is literally a borrow word from English: A NI ME SHION. Animation.

Yes, I know for the most part this is common knowledge, but it isn’t often -applied- as common knowledge.

Often when folks are in a discussion, a debate, or even an argument about Anime, it’s often used as a hard line ‘style’ or ‘medium’.

Anime is neither.

Animation is a medium the world over. And every part of the world has different approaches, attitudes, and styles within the medium that effects the local ‘crop’ that is produced.

but we live in an interconnected, global world. Have for many years. So we effect each other, by trope, by culture, by style. Hell even before ‘Anime’ came over here, Osamu Tezuka was inspired and influnced by Disney. ‘Anime’ was effected by American cartoons (which weren’t always a word for ‘animation for children, that connotation came later, and even became a bit of a degragotory term. as if ‘cartoons are for kids and we don’t have to try to make it quality’).

Now, I can’t remember if one came first or the other (and I”m too lazy at the moment to do a google search), but either things like the Hanna Barbera cartoons where influenced by the cost saving tricks that Anime learned, or the other way around, but America and Japan have actually been very influential for much longer then what we think.

Trying to draw a specific line between what’s Japanese and what is American (or even what comes from anywhere else) as a specific way to categorize what should and shouldn’t look a certain way only muddies the conversation about animation.

Yes, when it comes to talking about certain works, or cultural impact, or how culture can effect a work, place can matter. But when arguing what is and isn’t an ‘anime’, I want you to remember one thing:

In japan? IT’S ALL ANIME.

They might say American Anime like we say ‘Japanese Anime’, but the only reason why they would use something like Cartoon is similar to how we use ‘anime’, that is to short hand -where- a show comes from.

That’s it. Where. Not animation style or anything. Because there is no reason. Sure, some of our stuff they might look down on, and some of thier stuff isn’t all that hot too.

You know why?

Because there isn’t a single monolithic animation studio in American OR Japan. We both have many animation studios. Plural. With many different styles tackled. Some focus on specific styles and tropes, some can be all over the place.

Like, Disney tends toward pretty homogonistic work (tends, not always), and similarly, Kyoto Animation (kyoani) tends to be the same way.

But the on the other hand, we have things like Cartoon Network Studios and Bones that handle a lot of different styles.

Yes, I know there is a lot of hairs we can split about that, but my base point is: If I am asked is ‘Korra’ an anime, or if it’s not. I don’t know my answer.

Going by the approach of the style, I would say yes.

But going by country it was made, I would say no.

And in the end, does it matter? No. Because both answers are right. Neither is really wrong. Because, again, the word ‘anime’ is only really special to us in american. We try to pigeon hole it as if it described a style.

And sure, there is still that ‘country of origin’ argument... accept 1) Folks from japan worked on it and Avatar to some extent.

And more importantly, both have a lot of the grunt work done in Korea. Seriously. Like, the more you try to define it specifically to use the word, the more you either make the word meaningless or leave out things you thought were ‘anime’.

I’m not saying ‘lets not use it’, cause in general usage, it is useful. It’s easy to -generally- point to something and say ‘that’s anime’ and generally mean ‘it was created in japan’.

I’m just saying getting all pedantic and bent out of shape about it is a fruitless waste of time when we can have more intelligent and interesting conversations.

Like: Was an element or style used well in this or that show? Was there problematic elements. Was it fun? Well animated? Did whatever style was chosen, no matter country of origin, fit the tone needed to carry the story being told. Where did they cut on the budget and did it pay off or only make things worse?

Example: The Dragon Prince. Is it anime? I don’t care. It’s style works well enough for what they are going for. My issue with it is that they tried to use a trick to make it look like 2d animation by cutting out some frames. Worked well for the action scenes but made the slower scenes somehow way herky jerky and made the whole thing feel like a really cheep production.

(I would dredge up some japanese animation examples, but I’ve been out of the loop, and it’s been years since I binged much. only recently watched Heroman all the way through and working on My Hero Academia. And by the by, where does Heroman fall? Sure, it’s made in japan, but conceived by Stan Lee. And I’m sure if we dug a bit, we could find more fun examples of that.)

My bottom line here is, for general purposes, using ‘anime’ for what looks and feels like anime should be fine. It’s like using ‘sci fi’ or ‘fantasy’. It’s less about the exactness of the tropes or style used, and more like this difficult to define ‘that’ that we look at a thing and see.

Oh, also: Manga, also known as ‘Manhwa’ in Korea, means ‘sequential art’. I.E. COMICS. Same thing. And again, my entire spiel above? Applies here too. LIke, putting it all under ‘its manga’ only serves to try and say where its from... but the trouble with that is even more then with Anime/cartoons there are a crap ton of artists influenced as much if not more by those that created stories we like from japan as much as those from America.

And saying ‘manga style’ doesn’t help. Which style? Japanese influenced I can go for, but it is a mouth full.

I think my main argument is we are hitting a point of media saturation where the argument for Anime and Manga (aside from a very basic short hand) is loosing any real meaning.

Tropes, style, inspirations. These are more interesting to discuss. Which japanese or american artists (or even others) were you influenced by is much better angle of discussion if going deeper then the most basic general audience knowledge base.

If you are an artist, and I am an artist and we are discussing art, I think the second we start trying to parse out what is or isn’t anime outside of that layman level, it’s best to stop worrying about it. I think it’s more interesting to discuss what directly influenced RWBY beyond just ‘anime’. And how well did it use those influences.

I mean, look at WB. Teen Titans really -tried- to reference and be all ‘super deformed kawaii’ and in that ended up in tone whiplash with some of the more heavier story elements. Sometimes it does it well like Trigun did**, and many many other times? Yeah. But then look at all the other shows they have made since.I love Young Justice. Granted it doesn’t get as super looney tunes/super deformed kawaii silly with it’s jokey-ness, but it does still have a sense of humor at times and does very well. If we stuck with the ‘is it anime’ just going by style alone, I would say ‘yes’. The shading, the way they make many of the battles. It really works like that. It’s just it wasn’t created in Japan.

So yeah. Basically what I”m saying is, if you start trying to split hairs about what is or isn’t anime with me, your wasting your time. It’s not that it isn’t an interesting question on it’s own (that could do with a lot of research to see who influenced what. I’m sure there is more of a rabbit hole then I have already touched on); but when arguing about shows themselves, it’s just a waste of energy when we could be having more fun discussing the show itself.

(**I have always felt, no matter japanese, american, or anywhere, that show balanced its tone shift amazingly. top marks... granted, the ending was kinda... abrupt, but that is a common problem and I think it even handled that decently well given the situation)

#Pepper rants #pepper rambles #Is it anime? It doesn't matter. I want to know Is it good?#Where were the weak points #what was the strengths #is it good good?#or so bad it's good?#or just something I should pass #and is it a genre i'm interested in?#is it an interesting take on a genre?#so on and so forth...

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alviss-journal · 6 years

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Morndas, 17th of Last Seed, 4E201

Some idiot took all my stuff when they captured me, so I have no idea where my old journal was. It’s a big pain, especially considering the number of pressings I have in there, and different contact information. I’m not so dumb as to not code the important things, but it looks like - if I do want to get back into the transportation business - that I’ll have to start building it all from the foundation up again.

Stupid dragon can’t respect a girl’s need to recover items. Oh yeah, today I saw a DRAGON! Remind me to never trade with the Stormcloaks again if this is the kind of trouble Ulfric is bringing in.

Okay, okay, I might as well start at the beginning. (Though this is going to be a looong entry.

I’ve got a load of Sujamma that I am transporting to some specific people in Falkreath. I’m making my way down the White River and land for the night. Just off where I’ve beached, I can see a campfire, and plenty of men in need of liquor. I make my way over, introduce myself, find that they are all Stormcloaks. Unusual, but they still use money. However, they also draw an unwanted amount of attention (I really need to start staying more ontop of international politics), and I find myself dragged away from my boat in a cart. Thankfully, I didn’t die in the ambush, along with a horse thief, a Stormcloak, and the head honcho himself - Ulfric.

So we make our way to Helgen, chained and what not. Arriving, the horse thief tries to run and gets an arrow in the back for his trouble. Honestly, I’m probably going to die at some point for my old method of earning, so death wasn’t that stunning. I’ve lived for myself, and then I was going to die with only the people around me knowing about it.

However, then comes along a big scaled lizard to change that all up. It starts breathing fire, and at first I’m following the other Stormcloak into safety, then an Imperial solider - Hadvar. Then I get a choice between them and I follow Hadvar into the safety of the keep. Please, a choice between a solider of the Empire or the people who got me caught? Okay, sure, one was about to kill me, but as I said, a lot of people have tried.

I got kitted out in some Imperial armour and a sword, which is a reassuring weight. I’m used to hidden daggers, or a bow, but I don’t think I’m going to be staying in the shadows much longer. I’ve got a second chance at life and damn it all if I don’t make everyone in the Empire know my name. Not for chaos or order, but for freedom.

The sword came into use very quickly, and while I am no stranger to killing someone, I just keep promising myself that it is only ever to defend myself or someone else. We kept going deeper into the keep, crossing through the torturer’s chambers. Disgusting, but I’m glad Hadvar also made a disparaging comment as we took everything we could from the torturer. I also got to put my hand to lock picking again, though I’m still incredibly rusty at it, getting some gold for my efforts.

More stormcloaks, then something else that you don’t see every day - frostbite spiders. It looks like my expertise is increasing, and I got to kill a couple of them. (Tip, their venom is not friendly) In the next cave under the Keep, there was a bear. Still filled with adrenaline from the previous fights, and knowing that I am atrocious at steal (my words are a lot more gentle), I did something I regret and charged straight for it. Thankfully, I managed to kill it quickly, and did harvest as much as I could in the moment as respect for its sacrifice.

Then out into the sunlight, and I followed Hadvar to Riverwood, where his uncle Alvor lives. As I speak, I’m sitting at the table with a full stomach, having been gifted plenty I need and more. I’m free to stay in their home, and I take more food for a journey that I will begin to take tomorrow. They’ve asked me to go speak to the Jarl of Whiterun (oh the simplicity of their court), and inform them of the dragon that we’ve seen. Hadvar will stay behind, but is this not a chance to begin to elevate my social situation? (Perhaps that’s the Breton in me)

#journal

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