#she'd make a poor decision but it wasn't allowed to just exist as a poor decision the writers would do the most to make her seem justified | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shadystranger · 3 years

Text

Bernardo character analysis cuz yes

The major hindrance of Bernardo's life was actually himself all along.

Bernardo is a smart guy and as much as he holds expectations he's never satisfied, worse he is the first to feel the most disappointed with himself (ex: him emphasizing on how pathetic and loser he actually is) Bernardo used to see himself as an incompetent third rate book-smart, even after he became the second highest ranked member in the organization he still thought of himself as a loser.

Bernardo's negative view of himself probably stemmed from only one thing and that's that he was too demanding of himself. Bernardo always pursues the finest of things be it liquor, cigarettes, etc he doesn't settle just for any quality, the reason he does such a thing may be because he knows enough just how inferior they would be. You only know something is good when you have experienced what is inferior. Bernardo fancies the finest of things because he's too familiar with the worstes of them Bernardo used to be quite poor not to a great extent at all but his modest family situation posed to him more hurdles in life than it did him good.

Near the end of Bernardo's route after Gian finds Bernardo under the rain, he shares his beer with him Bernardo first got disgusted by how awful it tasted compared to the wines of highest quality he's used to but finds himself later content with it. Bernardo's attitude with the finest of things x otherwise could be also said for Bernardo's aspired self in his mind and what he's in reality. I like to think that moment is more of a metaphor that even his self who does wrong-doings, cries in the rain and is miserable at times is fine on its own without being prefectured and Gian loves Bernardo for who he is anyway.

Bernardo's life used to be quite a series of pure downs and no ups. He emphasized how awful his time in the army had been (which he had to serve in to be able to get into university), no sooner he's imprisoned and is targeted too much for his own good, worse he ends up in the Mafia (the least place he likely wanted to be associated with) and finds himself with no choice but to miraculously work his way in the stocks in a dying stock market or else his life ends. The only time life works Bernardo's way is when Gian helps him and quite literally saves his life, this is probably the beginning of Bernardo's fixation with Gian.

Bernardo is not perfect, he proved to have self-doubt and self-aversion issues at some points but he is not the type who sees less worth in himself and such.

A good chug of Bernardo's mindset is the incarnation of reason. He does not carry out decisions unless he has re-thought them thoroughly and his actions are bound to be from the utmost consideration of the organization than anything, he for the most part knows how to base his actions on his logical side rather than his emotional side and the benefits it has on the organization.

However both the army and family proved to be discard-able means, Bernardo's history in army is kinda vague though it was clear he hated every bit of it and his plans of a family was destroyed because the one he truly fell in love with was a man (and with Bernardo's attitude It probably was never that any women was fine as long as she gives him a child, it was never that any woman would "work" rather it had to be the "specific person he genuinely fell for" unfortunately for him Gian was a man, so that led to smartass plan B of them using any women to hitch two of their kids which is a dick plan overall because it shows that as long as it means he'll reach his goal Bernardo'd not mind using anyone even if he won't go out of his way to, needlessly. Basically Bernardo is an extreme the end justifies the means kind of person) back to the point Bernardo for a long while didn't know how exactly he should spend his life, to Bernardo life is a mere means, probably an empty stage where you've to fulfill your duties and that's it.

In the grand scheme of things, Bernardo has three main factors to how his mindset works: number one is his strong sense of responsibility and reason, number two is his indecisiveness, oftentimes due pessimistic approach and number three is contradiction (which is usually because of Gian).

Bernardo originally strongly believes that he and the organization are in a kind of dutiful relationship. He must be logical, wise, steadfast and completely discarding his own real emotions. Bernardo adopts more of an old and robotic approach to life he is aware he was born for a reason and that's to put his all into being useful, have a family and die. but all of these are mere means for him to fulfill that desire in him to leave a proof of him existing. When you serve your country (ie army, later → the organization) when you get married (ie → a child) both are what you'd most likely think of when you want to bury yourself down into even one person's memory after you die. I don't know if his fixation with the thought is out of self-doubt or low self-worth but one thing for sure It's the only way of life he adopted.

Kind of nearly everything Bernardo searched for (be it, purpose, investment, money, and companions) was given to him by the organization. Maybe it's because of that that he holds the organization this highly in his list of priorities.

CR:5 was in a way the light that guided him through the tunnel. It's no exaggeration to say it played a big part in him continuing to live because he's now actually tied up with an "existence".

The organization keeps on giving than anything and Bernardo'd never really have any reason to betray it you'd think but then you see him turn around and help Gian ditching CR:5 if he wanted to or giving Gian the money he got rather than maybe investing it in the family's ledger especially when CR:5 wasn't in its best shape then.

I'm pretty sure aside from Gian followed by the capos no one matters much to Bernardo. (I included the capos too because Bernardo does admit to Ivan that he's a dick but he would never does harm to someone close to Ivan even when it was convenient for him to)

Bernardo literally has no reason to betray the family, but because he considers keeping Gian safe of greater priority he decides to, this doesn't lessen his loyalty per se but just shows how he sets his decisions based on his own list of priorities, Bernardo would be the biggest asshole if it means he gets the end he desires and Natasha's case was no different as the organization. Bernardo loved Nastasha, he had no reason to ill-treat her but because he knew only through her he could set up Dave, which getting rid of him was beneficial to the family and probably work as a self-satisfaction to Bernardo, he used her. It's not that Nastasha never mattered to him but rather that the organization and maybe his desire to settle scores with Dave had the upper level in his priorities than her.

Another thing to put into consideration Is that in Ivan's route Bernardo did say that he had a "naive image" of the family. He joined expecting better but the reality was disappointing. Bernardo does have his iffies about the ordeal of things but he'd usually just stay still in the sidelines, he doesn't take a step more than his line of sight allows he's cowardly in a sense.

I believe Bernardo's indecisiveness and hesitation lies in the fact he's the type of person who considers the negative what-ifs of any situation most and bases his train of thought on the worst outcome and even when he does not, his fear of the numerous dead-ends and no guarantee 100% that "that thought" would work is due that. In essence he limits his own self through his cautiousness and pessimism.

He's the one who chains and limits himself this much. That's why I think the scene on the bridge at the end of the route symbolizes him managing to rid himself of his constant indecisiveness and cowardice.

Bernardo knew Gian approximately around the time he was with Nastasha. But the difference is that Bernardo truly loved Gian whereas he didn't have as strong feelings towards Nastasha.

Since day one Bernardo had always kept making sure his love for Gian stays hidden if Gian does not notice he will not tell him, the thought was not even considered to him because he was cautious more than anything to protect his relationship with Gian the risk of it changing by Gian becoming aware of those feelings he held for him was too high and not worth it, Bernardo would have never taken the intuitive unless he *knew* the chances were in his favor and he wouldn't lose their current relationship.

In the general pessimistic predictions Bernardo had, Gian and him had no future. Despite adopting the mindset of expecting the consequences of every step he took, that rational valve of Bernardo gets inherently broken when it comes to Gian sometimes. The moment Bernardo decided to make his feelings for Gian blatant he did not regret it. Even if it meant he was fucking up their relationship, he didn't regret it (Though it could also be because Gian makes Bernardo lose all his original sense of reason, since Gian is the cause of Bernardo's "contradiction" or who knows?)

As I already said, Bernardo doesn't get to act based on his emotions due his position in the family. Acting sensibly is commonplace and default for him. Bernardo is not a man who can be tied up by bonds: to him partners can be used, promises can be broken, companions can be betrayed, Bernardo is much more unsympathetic than he lets on (with expectations to that maxim).

When it comes to Nastasha though I don't think It's that he's a mere dick to her because Bernardo is actually not (even if overall he is)

Let's put some things straight Bernardo originally gave her a better life and was the one who gave Nastasha her only source of income (her shop). And it was heavily implied that Nastasha did think if Bernardo abandoned her, she'd have nowhere to go. Bernardo himself is not heartless. So he probably for that reason didn't want to end their relationship of nearly 9 years. It's not that he had much romantic feelings for her (even if he did love her at some point) and was switching between her and Gian because he can't decide and making Gian a side-track in progress. It was more like he was being considerate of her whereas Gian was the one who mattered to Bernardo the most and whom he has the strongest feelings for (not just romantically).

So even If he wasn't interested, Bernardo would still speak sweet nothings over the phone to Nastasha, still give her flowers, and such. He was maintaining their relationship, but he did not intend to give her a future with him. (Is he shitty for acting and leading her on? absolutely. Was it not with good intentions here and there? to be fair, No)

Despite the fact Bernardo took the bystander stance on Nastasha and let her be r worded by Dave, fully aware of the consequences he still regretted his actions and cried under the rain which would seem quite hypocritical of him.

Bernardo continued to hold the bouquet of flowers then, not because he was holding on his love for Nastasha and past, It was because the bouquet of flowers resembled his self that acknowledges Its own incompetence, wrong-doings and failure (also the scene where Gian said he should give him those flowers and Bernardo replied he'd buy him another one but Gian insisted on the one he was holding means a lot more when you view the bouquet as Bernardo's unfiltered self).

In the Best Ending when Bernardo shouted his love for Gian in the void, It could be interpreted as a kind of rebirth for him.

I mean Bernardo originally could not face his genuine probably overwhelming love for Gian (now you see his Gian whoring traits all over the place be it in his own route, the other capos' or the neutral one)

Because of numerous reasons, had Bernardo remained the same as his past self he would still have been stuck, unable to get out of the dark dilemma he had gotten himself into. But through Gian he was able to change and overcome his mental fears.

To sum it up, Bernardo lived his life searching for a reason to live and the meaning of life and family. He wanted to prove himself through his constant efforts and "deeds". You'd think overall such a man has no emotions in him and is incapable of loving thanks to his strongly logical mindset. But he loves Gian like the biggest dumbass ever in love and CR:5 as well (saying this cuz Bernardo did say that spending time aimlessly with the five of them is like a dream-like reality).

#Tumblr broke while I made this #lucky dog 1 #Bernardo Ortolani #This is pure thoughts and brainfarts on Bernardo #The character writing in ld1 is hella neat

10 notes · View notes

thatsonemorbidcorvid · 3 years

Text

Arina and Nina used to only meet once a week - at activities organised for the care home where Nina lived. Now, Arina is applying to become Nina's guardian, giving the 27-year-old hope she might finally be able to leave the institution where she has lived her entire adult life.

For the past few months Nina Torgashova has been able to enjoy an independence that had always been out of reach for her - shopping, cooking and washing her own clothes.

Things that would be every-day life experiences for most 27-year-olds.

But not for Nina, who has always lived in institutions, and moved when she was 18 to what, in Russia, is called a psycho-neurological care home. When the pandemic hit, she was able to savour life outside the home, with a volunteer, Arina Muratova.

Nina recalls the moment she found out she was leaving.

"I never thought anyone would take me. I had thought: "Oh no, I am going to be stuck in the care home."

It was April 2020 and the Covid-19 pandemic forced Moscow into lockdown. As visits to Nina's institution were stopped, charities lobbied for volunteers to be allowed to take responsibility for some of the residents until they could start up again.

Arina, a market research expert who loves nail art and embroidery, offered to look after Nina.

But when the 27-year-old got a taste for the freedom she'd never had, she decided she didn't want to go back.

Her 31-year-old friend was faced with a life-changing decision.

Arina has been involved in voluntary work for a decade - starting with helping children with learning difficulties and their families. She then became involved in adult care, which is when she met Nina through a Russian charity called Life Route. The charity organises trips and classes for the residents of some Russian psycho-neurological care homes (known as PNIs).

Arina started volunteering in PNI 22 - where Nina was living with hundreds of other residents - about four years ago. The care home looks after adults with a wide range of disorders, thought to relate to both cognitive disabilities and mental illness of varying severity.

Arina and Nina got to know each other through the charity Life Route which organises camps for the care home residents

Nina's diagnosis remains confidential to everyone except her care home director. This is usually the case for those residents the state judges are unable to live independently. So neither she nor Arina know why she is in the home, but Arina is surprised that she is.

Although Nina struggles with literacy and maths, Arina says she is very capable.

"She is such a quick learner and is well-adapted in everyday living," she says.

Nina was admitted to a home for disabled children when she was very young, before transferring to the PNI at 18. It is not clear whether she was taken to the children's home by her parents or was forcibly removed from their care.

She says they visited her there once, but she was frightened and hid under the bed.

"They were drunks. I was afraid. They stank of alcohol," she says.

Arina says Nina always stood out during her visits with Life Route, taking an active role in the activities and trips organised by the charity

"Nina was a very active person at her care home," says Arina. "She took part in various creative activities: amateur dramatics, arts and crafts workshops. She took part in sporting competitions, too: she played darts, she played football. Football was something she really missed after leaving the home."

When the lockdown last spring made these visits impossible, Arina suggested Zoom calls with the residents instead. But from the start is was clear this wasn't going to work - the home's internet simply wasn't strong enough. Other charities helping other care homes in Moscow and St Petersburg were facing similar problem

So these charities pressured the authorities to allow some care home residents to be released for the lockdown.

"It was all arranged in a day, and the next day the person was out. I cannot imagine anything like this before the pandemic," says Life Route's director Ivan Rozhansky.

Nevertheless Arina admits she was nervous when she made the initial decision to look after Nina. She was counting on Nina's relative independence, given she needed to work from home.

"There was a certain calculation in taking Nina. I had a lot of work to do, even during the lockdown. I realised I had to live with someone who'd be able to occupy themselves - at least some the time. With Nina it was clear that I'd be able to say: 'Now I have to work for three hours but afterwards we can make lunch together!'"

But Nina's move into the flat the charity had given the pair to live in during lockdown did get off to a slightly rocky start.

"She had very few possessions with her, just a small rucksack. She looked lost. While I was signing papers brought by the care worker, she walked around the flat. She didn't look especially overjoyed, and I had been counting on that.

"When I saw Nina looking so lost, I wondered if this had been a good idea. It's one thing to ask a person in a text if they want to move, but it's quite different to actually move them."

But not long afterwards, Arina shared a selfie with the other volunteers of herself with a grinning Nina, arms raised in joy.

Not only did Nina start shopping for food and cooking for herself, Arina arranged for her to have a maths tutor - important now she was buying things on her own.

"It's not that Nina doesn't understand things. She just never needed maths before," Arina says.

Arina herself began helping Nina with her literacy - she could read and write, but slowly and with difficulty.

"I need to be able to read and write," says Nina. "To be able to cook for myself, to go to work. I do want to have a job.

"I could make and sell friendship bracelets. I asked Arina: 'Do you know anyone who might want one?' She asked her mum, her mum was quite keen. I said: 'I will sort this!' Her mum picked the colours, Arina showed me a photo [of the colours], and I started making it."

Arina says she wanted to make sure she gave Nina responsibility for herself, rather than always taking charge, even if this did not always go to plan.

She cites the example of Nina wanting to learn to draw. Arina found another volunteer who could teach her over Zoom, and explained to Nina that she should make sure she joined the lessons. But after a while she discovered Nina had been missing some sessions.

"I don't want to chase another grown-up and pester them," says Arina. "I felt this was the kind of responsibility Nina could sustain, and we had conflicts around it."

But on another occasion Arina wanted to be more involved in Nina's life than regulations allowed.

Nina had complained of a terrible stomach ache and was admitted to hospital for several days of tests. Arina was not allowed to stay with her because she was not a relative or guardian.

"Pleas, send Nina some reassuring messages," she texted to the volunteer group chat. "Poor thing's terrified, she is having a third blood test and is scared."

Thankfully there was nothing seriously wrong.

As the Moscow lockdown eased in June, the Life Route charity was faced with a challenge.

"It became obvious that those people our foundation took to the assisted living flats for the duration of the quarantine did not want to go back to the PNI," says Ivan Rozhansky, the charity's director.

These institutions have been a focus of concern for some time.

In early 2019, Russia's deputy prime minister Tatiana Golikova ordered an inspection of living conditions in 192 psycho-neurological care homes. A consumer watchdog, Rospotrebnadzor, discovered violations of health and safety and other regulations in around 80% of them.

In January of this year Russia's Ministry of Labour introduced a number of structural changes to the provision of care for those in PNIs, including a move to help social workers provide assistance for some people in private homes rather than in state institutions.

"Obviously, all these changes will not be realised immediately on January 1, 2021, but step-by-step the situation will be changing," Golikova said.

Maria Sisneva from the charity Stop PNI says the quality of life in Russian care homes is poor.

"At a PNI you will have 500-1,000 people living in close quarters, but with very different levels of ability, and different backgrounds, different needs. They live in extremely cramped conditions, at best they'd be two to a small room, often in corridors, in spaces similar to military barracks, isolated from the outside world. They barely have any real social experience."

The director of PNI 22, where Nina was living, is clear about the benefits of care homes, however.

"The main advantage of psycho-neurological homes is security," says Anton Kliuchev. "The residents are looked after by professionals, who know exactly how to help and support them, how to talk to them, how to take care of them."

Care homes for people with specialist needs and mental illness exist all over the world. But from the mid-20th Century in the US and some European countries, a process of deinstitutionalisation started, aimed at replacing long-stay closed facilities with care within the community. Yet, in Russia care homes are still the predominant model.

According to Russian government statistics, as of February 2020 there were more than 150,000 people living in PNIs.

Unlike many countries, Russia's assisted living provision is only in its infancy. National charities believe that if this alternative system were more established, many care home residents could leave their institutions.

"Right now the system in Russia is such that if a person is believed to be insufficiently independent by the state, there is nowhere for them to go apart from a PNI, or [for those with physical disabilities] an invalids' home," says Sisneva.

Life Route began to discuss how the assisted living arrangement could be made permanent for the nine people they rehoused during lockdown. The charity rented four apartments, including one for Nina to share with fellow care home residents Sergey and Ivan. Arina moved back to her own apartment, and began instead to spend one night a week at Nina's new accommodation on rotation with other volunteers.

But there was another hurdle.

The PNI can only release their residents' care permanently to Life Route if those people have what is termed "legal capacity" - in other words, the state considers them able to function independently in theory, even if in practice they are in a care home.

Nina does not have legal capacity - all decisions about her life are made for her by the director of her PNI. As Nina is so functionally able, it is not clear why this is, though experts say it can be simply a foible of the system. If, like Nina, someone has arrived from previous care such as a children's home, and has never been properly assessed, their legal status might never be challenged.

So Arina has applied to become Nina's guardian.

"One day it just sort of clicked. And I realised I had to do it."

If her request is granted, Arina will become responsible for every element of Nina's life - financial, practical, emotional and medical. As her guardian the PNI will finally share Nina's diagnosis with her.

The process won't be straightforward, she says, involving extensive financial, physical and psychological check-ups on Arina.

"Emotionally [the decision] wasn't easy either," says Arina. "But once I took Nina out of the care home, she became my responsibility."

This all-consuming obligation might explain why there are so few people who volunteer to become legal guardians in Russia.

While Arina waits to be granted Nina's guardianship, the PNI could demand that Nina - whose state benefits they are currently losing out on - return to them at any time.

Meanwhile, Arina says she is still working out the exact role she plays in Nina's life.

"I can never be Nina's mum. I will never be able to give her the childhood she deserved."

But she accepts that Nina sees her as much more than a friend. Nina expects her presence on all important errands: to the dentist, to get her ears pierced, to get registered at the local GP.

And these new responsibilities have come at a time when life has been tough for Arina in other ways.

"It wasn't just Nina who went through a big emotional change. I went through a lot emotionally, too - during this time my salary was cut; I have had complicated developments in my personal life."

But Arina says all this has brought them closer together.

"Once you have gone through all these experiences [alongside another person], it is hard to backpedal.

"I won't say I'm not anxious about it. I'm incredibly anxious. And there are certain people around me who freak me out even more. They keep asking me. 'Have you thought it through? It's for life!'

"I calm myself down by saying that we have a plan."

That plan is to work towards eventually restoring Nina's full legal capacity.

Nina needs to be deemed independent by the state if she ever wants to live alone or get a job.

Other than Arina, she has one other close relationship - with a man called Sasha, who she met in PNI 22, and who is now in assisted living in a different apartment. Nina regularly meets up with Sasha in the city, and is clearly fond of him. Arina is aware that Nina may want to eventually marry and she would need legal capacity for that too.

So Arina hopes Nina's tutoring will give her the option to be assessed at some point.

"Examiners look closely at a person's reading, writing and counting abilities," Arina has heard.

The process is not publicly available but anecdotal accounts suggest it can include everything from being expected to dance or sing a song, or even know the price of a loaf of bread.

Arina says they won't apply for Nina to take this test until she is as prepared as she can be.

In the meantime, Arina is involved in all the important moments of Nina's life.

"Maybe I'm just the type of person that is not afraid of responsibility. It is an unexpected - but actually a good thing - that has happened to me.

"I love her. There's not much to it. I love her very much."

My Friend from a Care Home is available to watch now on YouTube.

6 notes · View notes

kemonododo · 4 years

Text

Decided to rewatch the whole series after seeing the finale, here's my thoughts as they come along part 3

There was an old He-man reboot that was cancelled after two seasons, season 3 was being set up as the horde conquering Eternia with He-man and his kingdom being forced into hiding as rebels. Apparently She-Ra would also appear, though knowing that show she'd be lucky to be 1/4th as interesting or engaging as our Adora. I'm saying this because, even though that cartoon was cancelled before it could finish it's story, we were lucky enough to see ours to it's end and in a way that story they wanted to tell exists here with us now. Plus I always disliked that they called themselves "The Rebellion" when they weren't really rebelling against anything, but they are now!

Poor Adora, even after all this time she still has that hero complex eating away at her, telling her she's useless unless she's serving others.

Entrapta's ramblings about space this season are very relatable.

Catra's face when she sees Glimmer be manipulated, you can see so much behind her eyes. Fear for her standing, flashbacks to her own manipulation, shock at how unprepared Glimmer is for this. Love how Horde Prime sees right through her afterwards, she has no power over him.

Poor Entrapta, she hasn't been with the other princesses since season 1, they're opinion of her has been soured by her betrayal and appearance to not care. We know she loves her friends and is trying her best, but the wound is still sore.

Horde Prime using Glimmer's dad as a bargaining chip is extra horrible when you remember that this is when she discovers he's alive.

It's great that the show takes a moment to allow Adora to come to grips with no longer having a clear destiny she can follow. She's so used to being told what to do, this is the first time she's truly making her own decisions. Agency that Shadow Weaver begins to take away from her later.

I love Catra's internal struggles in these first few episodes. She's trying to do what she's been doing, working her way up the ladder, but she can't. Not anymore. Her heart isn't in it, she knows this isn't what she wants, she's just going through the motions. Spending time with Glimmer is the only thing she enjoys, she finally slows down for a moment to just enjoy someone's company and really bond. Her turn to good isn't a 180, we see her mind working and how she comes to the decision of sacrificing herself. Seeing that Horde Prime is a complete psychopath helped of course.

I love how Horde Prime's ship has star themed beds.

I don't know how they did it, but they made Hordak recognizable among the other clones. It's like twins, once you get to know them the difference is obvious. You can look at a clone and see he's Hordak, yet he looks identical to the others. It's remarkable.

These flashbacks Catra has, wandering the empty corridors that her decisions have left her in, it's a testimony to how far she's come that they don't reaffirm Adora's betrayal to her anymore. She wants to absolve herself of her sins, and she decides a sacrifice is the best way. She wants to go out on one good grace, redemption by death, but that action and her apology is what makes Adora sure she still has good in her. Catra has shown she is willing to be good, and that alone is enough for Adora to give her another chance.

This is the first time the best friend squad has been together since Glimmer pulled the queen card, a lot of the wounds are still fresh. I definitely think this is the point Bow and her truly realize they love each other, they probably had a schoolyard crush but the realization of where they are without each other and how much they mean to each other, something really deep sparked here.

The Star Siblings are here to show what life under Prime is like, but also as a quick show of the Rebellion's message expanding. That's a little underdeveloped though, which is mostly a product of time.

Adora's little "she's not my friend" bit is adorable but a bit out of place imo, Adora hasn't really been this outwardly lovestruck over Catra before, and while Adora has decided to give her another chance I don't think that reignition of love would have happened yet.

The thought that Entrapta went out to find that LUVD crystal to bring with her in the slightest hope she would find Hordak and that he would recognize it. Plus the noises she makes and the fact she immediately adopts Wrong Hordak and that we get to see her without her mask, ah she is so cute!

Hive Mind Catra is terrifying and tragic, it feels so violating. He talks about how she wanted Adora to save her, how afraid she was when she was assimilated. We see that numbness and how it would seem appealing to her, but under the cracks Catra is still suffering, and Adora promises to bring her back, tells her how much she cares about her, transforms into She-Ra to save her. And finally, they are together again.

I love Adora constantly checking on Catra, this is the first time in years she has been with her, she just wants to be with her. Catra starts falling back into her old ways though, that anger still persistent, and Adora's honeymoon phase is over already and for a second we're all afraid nothing has changed. You can see Catra doesn't want to make that mistake again, and she finally lets Adora help her, and likewise Adora finally steps back and lets Catra help her too. They've both grown so much, and that growth is what allows their relationship to blossom.

It's great that Spinnerella and Netossa get their time to shine this season. Their arc here parallels Catra and Adora's earlier, and I would say it's unfortunate they have to go through this, but I love the angst.

Double Trouble! Back for a five minute appearance where they admittedly don't do much, but hey they're fun to watch and have some great lines so it's worth it.

Catra in a healthy relationship, with friends that don't fear her and people she sees as equals. People she can just joke around with and be teased by. You love to see it.

Melog is a pretty important addition, as he gives Catra someone that she can fully trust without the baggage from before. He's literally her therapy support pet, and he's the one that stops her from running away again.

Shadow Weaver's little speech here is great, she's been told that the First One's made the magic stronger when they did the exact opposite. It's a commentary on colonialism, "we brought you civilization, our conquest was good actually" is a very common lie.

Catra holding Adora's hand, Glitra kiss, Best Friend Squad hug, Catra's smirk when Adora says she's right. You love to see it.

I love how Noelle made a self-insert character and also decided she should be evil. "So the only person I'm fighting here is... My own wife" is a mega ouch.

I love Wrong Hordak so much, he not only shows how the Horde Clones are just regular people without the influence of Prime but he is also ridiculously cute.

Did I mention how much I love the new She-Ra look? I liked the old one but damn this blows it out of the park.

I will admit the Heart having a failsafe a d Mara having a rebellion of her own is a bit out of nowhere, but it was a nice reveal of the origin of Grayskull.

I'm a huge sucker for friendship saving the day messages I admit. Not the rainbow lazer kind, but that love and kindness reaching through Prime's control is beautiful. Plus it's wonderful for Catra to see what real friendship is like.

This is a great little moment with Castaspella and Glimmer, this is the first time they've seen Micah since his death.

I love Shadow Weaver so much, she sees Adora and immediately shifts into child manipulation mode. This is the first time I'm actually getting pissed at her though, obviously because she's starting to drive her chisel between Catradora but also because she's reversing all the development Adora has had up until this point.

Hordak: "Go, then maybe these memories and imperfections will leave me " Entrapta: "Remember, your imperfections are beautiful!" The fuck I'm crying in the club again.

I love this Catradora moment, "what do you want Adora" "I have to do this". Obviously their relationship isn't going to be easy after all these years, and both these girl's flaws and insecurities are flaring up again and driving each other apart.

Adora tells off Shadow Weaver for good, she ruins people. This is a huge moment for this character, SW has convinced herself she is the good guy and that she is making the necessary actions to save the world, but this is the one moment she really looks back at herself.

"Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me. Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her" oof ouch my soul. That with Adora's memories, it's clear they can't just go back to the way it was anymore. They're love is too important to them now.

My headcanon is that Shadow Weaver is drunk here. She's slurring, she's drinking, her daughter is going to sacrifice herself. Maybe her decision to die was one she made totally wasted lol.

Catra promised Adora she'd look out for her, and the soft version of the promise song in the background. Ow ow ow ow my heart.

Glimbow canon!

Mara is here, telling Adora the same thing Razz told her in the 3rd episode of the entire show. Stop looking for what other people tell you to do, you have a choice.

Spinnetossa, Seamista, Entrapdak. It's cliche, but love conquers all is a message I'll never tire from.

I started tearing up with the Glimmer Micah fight, and full on sobbing when Angella appeared. Something that didn't really stop.

I was mixed on SW's sacrifice, but I think it works. Each of them were trying to take the selfish way out, to die for the ones they love. So it's fitting that SW is the one that does it.

Fuck yeah Hordak! What a monumentous but short lived moment.

CATRADORA!!! God, the confession, how Catra whispers it but how Adora hears it as a scream, how it wasn't Catra that made Adora weak but infact the exact opposite, how they're both so surprised and relieved that these feelings they've felt for years are real and strong and true and reciprocated. It's the best conclusion possible for them and it makes me cry so much.

This beautiful moment, where Adora saves Hordak, the ultimate repayal for him saving her all those years ago. He remembers her. Fuck I'm sobbing again.

Scorpia sees Catra again after leaving her, and of course she hugs her.

And it's over. The best show ever made. Netflix automatically resets your watch history and here I am looking at the button to play Season 1 Episode 1 again. This 1 and a half year journey feels like a millenia, it feels so long ago that Adora first picked up that sword. This is a show I will cherish forever, I can see myself binge watching in the retirement home already.

#she ra #spop #analysis

16 notes · View notes

irepookie · 5 years

Text

Infinity

Summary: QUEEN AU where Roger (akaRow) is a teen single dad and aspiring rock star

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff and some cursing.

Words: 2090

I changed the names Cause I feel more comfortable writing it that way (idk why) but I could re-change them if that'd help you getting more into the story.

Rowan Queen: (tho you can imagine Ben as well. This is my take)

Chapter 1: I'm here

Written from his mother's POV, which gives us some insight on the family background and history as the first day of the rest of their lives unravels.

Gina Marie Queen (neé Thomas) had always been ahead of her time. She was never a fearful woman. Not for men anyway. She hadn't had a father -that alcoholic piece of shit was nothing close to that.-

And for all she knew, she hadn't had a husband either -another waste of space-. She had finally kicked him out hers and her son's life after 10 years of hell when that drunk asshole's rehearsal fits had made her lose the daughter she had been longing for since she could remember.

He could throw plates at her, and she'd fight back burning his beloved match tapes. Or intoxicate his food. Those were her favorite paybacks.

He could verbally abuse their son, and wake up with pink hair the next day. (Rowan's idea when he was 10)

But the night he had pushed her and she had broken waters at month number 5, that was it.

It should have ended earlier, she knew. Her unborn daughter shouldn't have had to suffer the consequences for Gina to finally throw his shit out the window and soak them in the Jack Daniels bottle he hid under his side of the bed and light them with the lighter he'd switch his bloody cigars.

But unfortunately that's what it had taken.

And she would have strangled him in his sleep if she had known Rowan would be taken care of while in jail. But she wasn't. And someone had to think of the rebellious trouble maker too.

And when her son -yes, she decided that rebellious trouble maker was, more or less, worthy of the title despite being the spitting image of the his father- became a father, Gina feared her granddaughter would have the same fate. Row had it in his genes and , as much she had tried to raise him as best as she was capable of, that fear never faded.

So when the phone rang

"Rowan Queen?"

""I'm his mother"

"I'm from the Hospital's maternity aisle. We call to inform you that his daughter's mom has disappeared after giving birth..."

That was all she needed to hear before dropping the phone and leaving it hanging upside down

"ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"I've got rehearsals with the band..."

"YOU GOT SOMEONE PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT??!"

"Me? No!"

"WELL THINK AGAIN!"

"Mum..."

"Just got a call from hospital saying your daughter's mother has disappeared after birth!!! And they called us!"

He was high school's infamous Playboy. Blonde, Blue Big eyes, and a charming smile. And on top of that, one of the four members of a wannabe rock band. The Hot Drummer, they call him .Gina knew. She didn't need to hear about his reputation to know the likelihood of him getting someone pregnant was high. But she had pictured it differently.

She grabbed him by the wrist and pulled, but he didn't move. He kept staring at nowhere.

"Rowan!!!"

No reaction.

She had to slap his cheek in order to get him out his shock

"What do you want?!"

"We're going to hospital, right now"

"What? Why?"

"To work this shit out!!"

"But we have to rehearse"

"Fuck that shit Rowan! They've just told us you got someone pregnant and she run off! That's the most important thing right now so get in that this instance!!"

He did as told. It was a tense car ride. And Gina remembered Elsa. Her baby girl. And how for her father's fault she wasn't there.

"So what now?" Row asked

"We're putting her up for adoption, unless they can contact the mother, although I don't think she should have a say. But if you're the so called father and your name is in the file, we can leave your part signed and then go home."

"Oh"

Gina thought she caught a hint of disappointment in his voice.

It had to be her imagination. Disappointment over what? Missing the wonderful experience of being a teen dad? Ha.

He did look thoughtful. He hadn't even turned on the radio.

Something was off.

But she figured he'd just want to get this whole thing over with, and that he'd sign her over to a better family. As anyone with minimum common sense would

Right?

Then, as they waited for the application, he asked if he could see her.

Her answer was immediate "No"

"Why?"

"How come Why? Why on Earth would you want to see her?"

"Well I'm here. You've been freaking out , and freaking me out as well. Might as well see who this fuss is about"

"A baby. That's it. You don't need to see one. They all look the same. Small, Wrinkly, like a large prune. There you have it"

"Well I wanna see my... That small wrinkled prune"

Damn. He had said <<mine>>. He already considered her his.

Gina changed her strategy.

"Your name is on the certificate, right. But that means nothing"

"Why would it be there otherwise?""

"A mistake. Or maybe the mother just wants to tangle you up."

"The mother's gone"

"Yes. For now. It's called Baby Blues, and when it's gone She'll have you exactly where she wants to. Because I'm guessing she won't be no straight A student either, and you'll have to sustain them both -if you ever make it to college- and you'll end up getting married, and maybe you don't even love her, but divorce is even more tedious than getting married. That's why I've Never done it. So you'll both be stuck as cashiers in whatever low cost store, and then she'll confess that you were her high school crush but that the kid is actually her ex boyfriend's and then you'll throw a fit, and you'll get in a fight and you'll end up grabbing whatever is on your reach to hit whoever's on your reach...."

"Wait mom. I just... I just wanna see her." Row cut her off " Whoever the fuck she may actually be, I'm the one who's here. And I ain't signing anything without knowing who I'm making decisions for. That's all. I just want to see. I don't even want to touch her or whatever. Just knowing who's the reason I had to turn the boys down today. Then I'll sign the paper and we'll go home."

"She's in the NICU anyway. Doubt they'll let you in"

"What's NICU?" Gina caught genuine concern in his voice.

"Nothing bad." She reassured.

They handed the files, and she took them "I'll fill them"

She got through the first page, and he was gone.

Shit. That stubborn bastard.

She didn't want him to be a father. He was 19 for fucks shake. Had never had one of his own. He had only moved out a couple months ago. Nothing lasted much for him. Wether it was a girlfriend, a job, clothes... His longest pet had reached one year alive. And he couldn't go long without getting injured

Not even his drum kit had survived the move, and was litterally patched up. She'd consider herself guilty of murder if she allowed a baby to be on that list. Not to mention the alternative was that she'd be the one, sooner or later, to take over. Because he was never patient and would stress too much -if he didn't lose interest first- or get fed up and cause her shaken Baby syndrome. And just as she was too young to be a grandmother, she was too old to raise a second kid.

So she stormed inside the NICU aisle ready to get him out of there. And what she saw was quite breathtaking. The look in his eyes was priceless: such fondness and marvel... Only comparable to when he had first seen that red Ludwig drum set through the glass of the local music store.

"I've never seen something so awesome in my life!" He had said.

They had never been able to afford it. He had tried to get a job after school, to save up everything. But it hadn't been enough. And he'd go everyday to that street, and just stare at the shiny wonderful kit for hours, hands on the glass, knowing that the likelihood of ever owning it was almost non existent.

He ended up making acquaintance with the owner. They tried to bargain for it, but his lowest price was way too high for them. He did get to play it once tho, and it was an undescribable experience. Murray, the owner, let him give it a try out of pity when someone else bought it, as a farewell. And had never seen anything like it again.

Now this baby was, technically, his -regardless of what biology could say- and he was about to give it away.

Gina did know on first hand it was, having been a volunteer on midwife assistance with her aunt. And 10/10 woman who swore to never want anything to do with their child changed their minds as soon as they laid eyes on them. Only those who really followed through -take it away, I don't wanna see it- walked out there with empty arms.

Now Row was looking at that baby ad if she was a treasure, but that meant nothing in the long term. His father had done something similar to Elsa's sonogram.

Her poor little girl. So young.

So helpless. She had been so naive thinking he would ever change.

But she wasn't gonna make that mistake again. She loved her son, but he really wasn't good at anger management.

She couldn't expose another innocent child to such danger.

"Rowan, come here now. You've seen her. Got what you wanted. Met her. Now let's get this over with"

His hand was resting on the top of the incubators glass, even if he had unglued his eyes from the tiny being inside and nailed on her now, as if he had been staring at the sun for a long while and was now blinded.

"Why the hurry?"

Was she hearing correctly?

"How come Why the hurry? Because we both have things to do"

"I've already cancelled the one plan I had..."

"Well I still have an errand to get done."

He didn't reply, eyes back on the child

"Rowan" she approached him, making sure not to look at the kid. "Rowan Eugene Queen, look at me when I'm talking to you" she ordered in a strict tone

"What?"

"Papers. Signature. Now"

"I'm thinking about it"

"Thinking about...?! Thinking about what? What's there to think? Sign these and we'll go home, and we'll never have to look back at this! Nobody has to know."

"And what about the raisin?"

"The what?"

"Her. What about her?"

"She'll be fine. Adopting couples love newborns. She'll go to a fit, nice marriage and will be very happy. And we'll resume our lives"

"And I'll never see her again?"

"Why do you care?"

He just shrugged and turned his attention back to her. Gina watched him watch her. Goddamn. She was losing him.

"Are you the father?" A nurse asked, walking towards.

*Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it*

Gina prayed.

"I suppose I am" He said it so naturally, with such a bright genuine smile that Gina almost forgot how critical those words were.

"Well, I'm Callie, and I'm on charge tonight. Congratulations, Mr... Oh, Queen." Her eyes widened When reading the tag on the incubator. "We're glad at least someone's here"

"Yea, well..." He scratched the back of his head nervously

"Don't worry. Her mom will get over it." She turned to Gina "You must be Gran..."

"No I'm not" Gina snapped harshly before she could finish the sentence "We were leaving"

"We were not"

"Rowan, I will not repeat it. Sign those bloody papers and get your ass back in the car"

"What if I don't want to?"

"This is serious! There's no other way!"

"Yes there is!"

"You can't be serious!" What 19 year old would ever choose this?

"Well I am"

"You don't even know what serious means! You have no sense of responsibility! You've never finished anything you've ever started!"

"Maybe I want to change! Maybe I can grow up if you stop pestering the shit outta me day In day out! This is not your decision!"

"I'm not letting you do this Row!"

"Then go! Leave me the fuck alone and stop getting in my way!"

Before Gina could answer, a small cry came from the incubator.

And she found herself walking backwards.

It was right she couldn't stop him but she wasn't gonna take part on it.

So she turned around and left, as the nurse explained Row how to hold his newborn daughter.

"You're not gonna break her, I promise. You'll do fine. Because you're here. Just because you're here I know you're gonna be a great dad. You already are" Callie said, putting his trembling arms on the correct position before lifting the small white bundle out the incubator.

They usually didn't do it unless it was necessary for a feed or a change, but she thought this was even more important: they had to meet each other properly: The little one needed to hold on to someone after being abandoned. And there was something in the young boy's eyes that told her he needed just the same.

So with a reassuring smile Callie placed her on Rowan's arms, who brought her closer to his chest by instinct, a small smile already on his lips as he took in her features.

She was gorgeous. And he didn't know why, but he found her to be the most perfect thing he had ever seen. He instantly knew he was gonna protect that wrinkled prune at all costs.

"Hey there, lil'raisin. I'm..." He swallowed the lump in his throat "I'm your Dad and... I'm here now."

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

Hope you guys liked it

It's my first fic on Tumblr so I still don't have the formatting completely handled and my phone won't let me select all the paragraphs at once to put it all in regular font.

Let me know what you think. Thank you all!!😍😍😍😍

~Pookie

#bohemian rhapsody #queen band #roger taylor #roger taylor baby #roger taylor daughter #single dad! roger taylor #ben hardy! roger taylor #fluff #queen fic #queen family #queen #queen fanfiction #queen fandom #queen fluff #fathers and daughters #Rowan Queen #Infinity fic #music #infinity fic

24 notes · View notes