#so i cant take my adhd meds and i have an appointment every other day for the next month | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alcorian · 10 months

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i know they say 'dont trust anything you feel about your life after 10 pm' or whatever but man. i just had to schedule a post begging for donations so i can maybe hopefully afford top surgery within the four-year period where i might have a chance to get it legally (as im going to college in connecticut but will probably come back to missouri and/or kansas for my masters degree) because things are...

im not gonna lie, things are bad.

im disabled and i cant work. i TRIED! i fucking tried. but even working part time for a few months last summer was miserable and has made my disability worse in the following year. i was taking the max dose of otc painkillers almost every day and still ending my shifts in tears. i had to spent most of my free time just fucking recovering. and in the end, it made my pain worse to the point where i couldnt function without a mobility aid. i cant walk or stand for long periods of time, i cant bend down, i cant carry heavy things, and i need my cane when walking around more often than not, which means i only have one free hand. i literally cannot do the things most entry-level jobs require. and my schedule isnt very free because i have a ton of doctors appointments, courtesy of my grandparents, to try to fix it.

and my academics are in fucking shambles. i had a mental breakdown last semester and had to drop two classes, take incompletes on the others. the two incomplete classes arent going well. im off my adhd meds and mentally unstable, having small mental breakdowns and panic attacks frequently, plus trying to keep up with my medical stuff and taking all my medications and also trying to balance it all with my chronic pain which is fucking distracting, constantly. and my ASL professor, who i need to instruct me, has not been able to meet over the summer, so im kind of lost on my own. no fault of hers, she has a lot going on. oh, and im also taking an exam which covers several subjects i was not in class for, so yippee! i dont have confidence that i will end this semester with anything close to passable grades. and i NEED to go back. for so many reasons. i need to get away from my mom, i need to be in a blue state where its safer for me, i need a degree so i can find work that i can do.

im also going through the horrible process of... well... processing the fact that my mom was abusive, and the extent of it. i feel like shit, i feel so fucking destabilized. i try to act normal but i am BARELY holding it together here, and the worst part is that i dont think theres much my therapist can do right now except help me talk through what im thinking and feeling--this is something i have to go through. i know it is, and yet i hate it.

and the worst part is, my grandparents are trying to support me, and theyre wonderful, so i feel like i should be doing better than i am. but i just cant. i cant do it. im falling apart.

#alv posts #vent

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1990jeevas · 2 years

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puts my chin in my hands n kicks my feet behind me. bff do u have any headcanons for craig and those guys, i love the way ur brain interprets these silly paper cutout guys ^_^

yaaaa ofc bestie <3

craig:

-is a movie snob but not in a "this movie needs to be the most well written film Ever" way, he's a snob in a "if this movie isnt so bad my sides hurt from laughing i just wont fucking watch it" way. seed of chucky is peak film to him

-has two left feet but likes to dance <3 his lanky body does not agree with the movement but that wont stop him from bussin it down celibate style or whatever they call it nowadays

-used to build wooden model airplanes and then paint them with tricia (i almost typed ruby somebody take my hands away), most of them are hung in her room but craig kept a few

-this mfer the type to go to college with literally zero plan, decide to take art after being undecided for as long as possible, hate art bc they make him do other types of art besides what he normally does, then drop out or smth along those lines

token:

-the worst excuse for a mom friend but the guys dont care. he can't cook. he will send them a text just saying "go bed" at like 10pm before immediately going to bed himself and not bothering to see if any of them actually Plan To Sleep. carries around bandaids but will not give them out unless they are deserved (you fell jumping off the swing? dont jump of the swing next time, bitch. no bandaid for u). literally only the mom friend bc nobody else could fill the role

-white chicks is unironically his favorite movie, right next to the medea halloween movie (incase yall forgot token canonically likes tyler perry movies. i cannot blame him. they suck so bad they're good)

-he dresses like a 60 year old dad going fishing or like he is going to the most important meeting of his life, no inbetween

-wants to learn an instrument really bad but has sucked at every single one he's tried so far, not to mention he cant read sheet music for shit.

-is the only one in his class who can write in cursive but he only learned bc both his parents wrote in cursive and he got tired of not being able to be nosey when he found notes around the house. turns out they were mostly grocery lists and appointment reminders.

clyde:

-he/they user

-^ goes thru a gender identify crisis in the 10th grade before goin nah. just a dude who likes they/them pronouns sometimes.

-is on the football team all throughout high school but only bc they need more players. everyone knows he sucks at the game. he does not gain any sort of popularity from being on the team, but he stays so he has an excuse to get out of the house more 🤷‍♀️

-dylexic AND dyscalcic. double whammy! with a side of adhd <3

-is craigs certified dance partner whenever the dude starts jamming. craig will just drag him out to the middle of the room and make him lead in a shitty foxtrot.

-speaking of craig, the height difference between them is crazy. craig gets tall, ofc, but clyde is just kinda. at his chest. face in boobies. it's like u got the absolutely twig of a man at 6'4" and then there's his bestie at 5'6", dragging him around by their linked arms.

tweek:

-despite the whole meth thing, regular coffee is actually apart of his enrichment. it's like the adhd meds he never got, without the extra upper of doing way too much meth on a day to day basis! is a fan of the starbucks iced carmel frappes.

-likes to cook when he is overwhelmed but cooking for him means being up and moving the entire time otherwise he will start to overthink again. he cant do none of that oven cook shit. give him a meal that requires a lot of prep work and watching the stove so he will be busy for a good hour and suddenly it's like he was never upset to begin with.

-an alt baby <3 screamo calms him

-^ wants to take the guys to a concert but clyde "has never listened to something not in the top 40s" donovan and craig "nearly died in the pit at a local punk gig that kenny dragged him to" tucker are against this idea.

jimmy:

-him 🤝 craig

shitty scifi movies

-^ anything with bad aliens in it will become his new obsession for like 4 months and everyone will have to hear about it. hyperfixation go brrr or whatever

-hates scripting sets for the life of him. like. will just write down jokes and hope he remembers bc he cannot be fucked to actually attempt to stick with his own plans

-speaking of scripts, he enjoys a bit of acting but, again, cannot be fucked with scripts. he hates memorizing and feels like it sounds more. well. scripted, when he actually memorizes lines, rather than just getting the jist of his lines and how his character acts and improving it. this technique has mixed results and, obviously, does not go over well with other people he is supposed to be acting with

-^ that being said he is a hit in improv classes ofc

-becomes a big fan of photography sometime in high school, is the resident phototaker both of the group and the grade. if people are posting a candid group photo, it's probably from him

#shit self #asks #fabletownz #south park #craig and those guys #craig's gang #headcanons #ok 2 rb #craig tucker #clyde donovan #token black #tolkien black #< hell #jimmy valmer #tweek tweak #kinz #bangerz #tweek tag 🗯

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poetic-beats · 5 years

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Update:

I am now having to compile a list of evidence and issues to give to PALS so they can do an independent investigation of my issues about my treatment by the psychiatrists lodge. I have now seen both psychiatrists who now work there. And had the manager who I still have not been told if he is even a qualified mental health professional or just a managerial role person because he seemed to judge me based on my diagnosis and without reading any of the reports on me or talking to me or bringing me in for assessment again after crisis team referral he seemed to know exactly who i am what my issues are and what i need.

Like no. He also was doing this illegally as when crisis team refers me back to them I LEGALLY get an appointment and reassessment of my needs..

They cant just assume and tell me this is what I am entitled to before i have been assessed.

This psychiatrist I saw yesterday was all about heres your meds now fuck off. He seemed to listen better to my mum at least. However he was not that welcoming and he also got caught in a lie. He kept saying the same rhetoric as the manager that the GP letter I REQUEST to see under the freedom of information of my personal records blah blah act is supposedly my care plan i questioned this then he says oh well DBT and psychologist care is when you get a full care plan I said I DID do DBT i was on the course for some time before i had to quit.

I never was told about a care plan.

Then i say btw right behind you on the wall is a new NHS board outlining specifically care plans and my entitlement to them ITS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

I already know the law and NICE and NHS guidelines and rulings but in case I didnt its literally there in the waiting room we are in behind you.

He then admits finally that I AM NOT in fact receiving a care plan as that is only for certain people they have a limited number of people who are eligible to receive that even though the NHS and ELFT who covers and runs the care for my area his bosses way up basically above manager of meadow lodge have clearly outlined with NHS and NICE guidelines a care plan isnt something you are assessed to receive It is something I should just have...the bloody board behind him my dad took a pic of It had like a thing where it said you say this ‘ xyz’ and then on the other side it had what this means and what the care provider is expected to do in response and it outlines a care plan what it is and what you receive and how it works.

So its like well that makes no mention of you deciding who gets a care plan rather I should have one and in case I dont i should just have to say and ask what the board suggests to ask and you should respond according to the NHS with a care plan discussed with ME and that WE both decide upon crisis plan of action long and short term goals for my recovery and progress and discuss an integrative approach with a FULL CMHT...something yet again they should be offering but dont. As the manager put it im not in crisis enough to warrant this care that is meant to be pretty standard care not for specially in crisis people. And as for crisis well im not sure how much worse i needed to get. other than my GP almost calling an ambulance on me but instead getting me a same day referral to a crisis team who spoke to me til gone 8pm that night until i was stable enough to leave and go home and in the mean time they’d handle a referral back to meadow lodge in which i was told the appointment system should run smooth instead my parents fought tooth and nail to not just get an appointment in which the manager told me exactly what i would be offered before i’d even been for assessment but he had to fight for a fair assessment one which follows NICE guidelines and standard code of practice for re referrals which basically means i should be reassessed as if i am a new patient in the fact that my needs may have changed or new problems have clearly arisen if ive been referred from crisis team.

So I have now exhausted every option I also found out by chance the builder/labourer my dad employs rn also has bipolar and has also had the exact same issue i had with the exact same lady psychiatrist after being transferred to her care when our old psych retired. Only he had a breakdown in their reception she did nothing made him leave and then he was hospitalised only when he saw crisis team I saw he wasnt willing to give them another chance so refused treatment there and went through the slightly longer process of being referred else where although to be honest the process isnt longer because meadow lodge dont follow guidelines and rather than immediately seeing me as early as possibly my parents had to phone up to remind them and bug them to even read over the crisis teams referal to them.

Even though a crisis team referral is equivalent to someone being rushed to A&E you are the priority patient over others not in A&E therefore i shouldnt have had to get my parents to chase them up for an appointment and then fight for a fair assessment. Which tbh i half got and half didnt.

This is v. frustrating but hey at least i now know of 3 other people who were under my old psychs care when he retired were put under the lady psychiatrists care and we have all had issues we have all been discharged around the same time after being transferred to her care. And me and the builder at least that i know of have ended up in crisis teams care for a period of time.

So basically we now have 3 known incidents of this psychiatrist discharging people who have ended up in crisis because of it shortly after discharge showing clearly we werent meant to be discharged nor ready to be and another lady who complained on the NHS site about her and the lodge as a whole since my old psych who ran it retired. SHe had similar complaints i did about treatment and as for the builder my dad works with and employs well she told him hes far too young to have bipolar and have these issues in his life and discharged him saying he has to take care of himself and take self responsibility.

So at this point if i go to PALS with facts about discharging patients before they were safe to be discharged and say well just look i know of me and one other person whose ended back up in severe crisis care shortly after her discharging us this is not a coincidence and there is a third who has also been discharged and complained oh and two years earlier there is another complaint about her also saying to a guy for an assessment with her that he needs to care for himself gave him adhd meds and discharged him on the initial meeting back to GP care. And told him he had to basically buck up and get a job as its what normal people do or everyone has to do even thoguh he said he needed help and treatment so he could function to work. Again it seems to be a pattern that she tells people they have to care for themselves without giving us the toools to learn to self cope and self care.

she is rude. not compassionate. cares more about stigmatising us and accusing us and having very odd beliefs for a psychiatrist given studies have always shown disorders like bipolar type 2 and rapid cycling itself is almost wholly found in those who develop bipolar disorder at young adolescence...so its a whole thing based around developing it young. And here she is telling the builder we know hes too young to have bipolar and problems.

as if she knows his life she basically dismissed his diagnosis tbh...because of his age...even though hes in his 20s mid 20s and its not uncommon for bipolar to take hold in adolescence mine appeared when i was 17/18 so clearly someone in there 20s is not too young to have such a disorder she would know this as she would have studied more in depth than i did the disorder and the studies and science on it.

I am SO mad. i wasted my time yesterday and caused my mental health to be put under immense strain because of how i was treated YET AGAIN by professionals whose duty is to care for me. Now i am back at square one and left having to go through getting a MHA to help me with the PALS complaint process.

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