#so we're going to hang out here for now' ]

[panstarry]

in heaven with you 💥

#turns out you can just draw anything. has anybody else heard about this? #pan doodles #dodonpachi #ultrakill #mindflayer ultrakill #ai dodonpachi #i dont know shite about dodonpachi dont ask me anything about it i just go here for the good music and my awesome friend ai dodonpachi #[we're just normal men voice] we're just normal girl #robot war machine girls hanging out this is awesomeeeee alright goodbye everybody #mindflayer design here (not really much of one) is inspired by anoxthon's clear plastic shell look ! one day i will do it justice #but right now i'm procrastinating homework like nobody's business. so this is all you get. ok bye for now ^_^ #can you believe it? been 1 year since i drew war is hell 1 with miku and ai. no way! girl moment!

[cinna-bunnie]

i can hear the frogs ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა ♡⁠ there's this fenced off area nearby with tall grass and a pond in the middle they have to themselves. there are so many of them!

u can hear them in the distance from my back patio but i followed the sound one night and found the source 😌 it's good to hear them again.

#hello spring‚ i see u coming 🙏🏾 #i know we're getting out of winter because i can just wear pants in the back now instead of needing like 5 layers for it to be tolerable 💀 #y'all i have been SUFFERING 😭 #before i started hrt i could b chillin w a frappe in a tshirt in 20°F no problem but that is very not the case anymore lmaoo #rn it's 44° and I'm fine w just my lil jacket 👼🏾 #im not sure how cold is “cold” to me actually 🧐 #anyways.. i love spring. spring and autumn r my favorite seasons #my favorite part of spring is seeing the transition into it. u know when flowers start budding and ur walks start looking noticably more #vibrant 0: and the different animal sounds and encounters. get a lil boost of energy myself (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) spring is lovely! #part of why i like hanging out in the back is bc i genuinely love to watch the seasons go by and participate 😔💕 #i feed animals year round! rn the seeds i feed to the birds during the day attract bunnies at night - usually just 1 at a time #and the bunnies attract the dog that's not a dog I've seen twice so far o: interesting stuff! #I'm glad as it ran off after the rabbit it didn't notice me bc it passed by right in front of me 💀 but idk #the other time they were just passing by on the other side here n we noticed each other n locked eyes for a bit then they kept waking #it wasn't threatening or anything but i don't know what they are ૮ – ﻌ–ა hmm. i would love to see them again

[todayisafridaynight]

grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet

#snap chats #i didnt even pre order the ichi plush but spiritually i did. good luck charm. #anyway rant time look away from here. Im At My Limit <- i say this every week #I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG <- lying. my moms home #i just feel terrible again. i feel so awful i gave myself a headache from being upset #do you know how upset you have to be to give yourself a headache just sitting and thinking #that happened when i was taking a spanish test once but i think i was just so stupid my brain actually started to hurt trying to think #i also remember being sad as hell that day tho so....... maybe it was both #everyday it feels like im sad thats so fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it #ALSO IT'S RAINING AGAIN rain never promises anything good unless you're a plant #im working but i should have this done in. idk a few hours #and then its the weekend right.... there's no limitations for sadness though brother doesn't run on a schedule #unless we're talking about seasonal depression but we know what i mean #ew im supposed to go to that con tomorrow i dont even know if i want to go anymore #i just don't want to do anything anymore ig is the vibe #idk i have a journal to whine bout all this in ╮(╯-╰)╭ squeezing ichi plush is a mood tho so im still posting #maybe if i play a lil y7 ill remember theres good things to wake up for.. #also i gave myself another headache OWOWOWOW STOP when will it end #wait let me be sad again because my dad said we'd hang out today or tomorrow #but i just know that's not happening and now im even more sad WEHHH no one loves me etc etc die #sometimes you just need a melodramatic teenager moment i think we're all due that right like once a month #ok i have to stop my head really hurts ☠️☠️☠️

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also given that the logic of said superiority authoriority is an entitlement to deny someone's personhood & use them as an object for your purposes, from obviously getting to direct what they must do & can't do, to enjoying whatever gratification from lashing out / demeaning which is also going to serve as an affirming exercise in authority when one can do that from an insulated elevated place....a crucial part of whatever form of this violence, from the most nanoscopic triangle in the sierpiński triangle pyramid scheme hierarchy, to the hypothetical largest (zoom in or out to whatever degree: the same shit also), being that indeed the superior parties need the deserved insulation from any Consequence to exerting their superior status, including indeed from having to witness the consequences For the "inferior" parties, such as whatever externalizations of suffering they recognize as such, which either (a) need to be put away (b) are manipulative performances or otherwise exaggerated (e.g. being a pussy / not even having the sense to realize how little suffering they're Really experiencing) or (c) can be fun to witness if you decide you enjoy that as an affirmation of power as per your ability to completely detach from any avoidance of causing pain, harming for its own sake, b/c you Can

all which is to frame how Interesting it is that after all those moments of going "well, they keep bothering with reaction shots of winston noticeably feeling hurt & expressing it, sometimes also verbally. it's like it could be setting up something" it set up Nothing; while once again just like has been done dozens of times a scene just Ends on winston being rejected &/or hurt, no resolution then, no resolution ever, and in the case of 7x03 was so significant an attack that just like in 4x11 when mafee gets to take out his own Loyalty Insecurity on winston while everyone else hangs around in tacit to overt approval, everyone just leaves the room & we get winston staying behind in the Most distant position aaand scene's over! thread's over! david levien get back here after you Liked that 4x12 livetweet of mine pointing out "so see & winston was right anyways??" like....that is: we are given the Perspective of someone who is also now Leaving winston behind, thus immune to the consequences of however that treatment could actually affect him or how he might struggle to deal with that now (who cares! the answer is: Alone) like Whatever, next time we see him he's completely fine now. and i'm just so happening to think that all the little moments of getting to see winston wither & withdraw & etc in reaction to being shitted on was also us being granted the perspective of Gratification that he's punished for speaking or existing or whatever, without it ever going anywhere or mattering beyond that instant. we too are the ones who surely get to relentlessly bully the autistic person & damn if we don't at least enjoy someone getting to go off the rails restoring their ego by doing absolutely whatever they want to him, which just so happens to be perfectly aligned with getting him Back In Line. pull yourself together winston! the only consequences you're experiencing we wanna deal with are the ones where you give us the algorithm we decided we want, actually. and now let's look across the rest of the season where the consequences for wags for being this way (or anyone else for standing by, ready to benefit, with philip bafflingly declaring as well how actually it was brutal in a good way) is approximately fuckall even as of course nobody's pretending he's one of the personal growth guys out here: rian is though, and didn't have to "grow" out of abusing winston or thinking that was fine & good or that of course she's inherently superior! and in the end we have more affection and interest for the Epic Asshole than their Cringe Targets

#yeah once again really appreciate being given the Rewards of that Fantasy of pwning these losers #we get to Glimpse winston going :/ :( b/c that's how we know he was aptly punished for trying to act like he's a fellow person #when we're grabbing his head forcing him back into place in a bigger way it's more important we then dust our hands off & Leave #winston leaving May be that eventual acknowledgment of consequence for w/e scraps of sympathy (pity) billions has for him #but it's made into an episode abt wags w/marked Little care for winston's role & once again Just A Fun Power Trip! for us viewers too! #thoughts amped up from the harmonic resonance of a more zoomed out triangle in the self similar fractal of pyramid scheme hierarchy.... #the inferior may be beset w/mass death & violence but um my nice dinner out please?? same No Consequences For The Superior logics #prince shits on winston ep 1? cool! we're giving him a chance. shits on rian ep 12? whoa! whadda hell blunosaur....hang on a minute.... #winston billions #how gracious to align us as viewers with the people comfortably shitting on those Beneath Them for kicks & status #and ''pitying'' the Inferior parties doesn't disrupt your superiority so don't worry about that #rian talking to winston like a dog & pitching right in for hurting him via ''he wasn't ever worth listening to But here ya go'' as Pity.... #taylor moved away from their being willing to hire him; listen to him; even At All step in even a Tiny bit to insulate him.... #towards wanting to forever ignore him & express contempt & tell rian the pitying is Too Much & be right there w/wags in 7x03...? #guess that was just like ''well they can't possibly have an arc of keeping up Any supportiveness / basic recognition of this loser'' #but they also don't have to interact w/their own willingness to Insistence on being awful to him either #wasn't even the consequence of [once again we need his epic output...but have treated him like shit?] nah just took it from him :) #anyways; riled. riling times #sure having plenty of firsthand experience with a Refusal to accept like responsibility of produced suffering #there's plenty of room for distress; particularly if translated into irritation/anger; as dismissable to ''haha funny. now anyways'' #then there's the option of Resenting whatever evident pain. you can't Tyrannically impose that consequence on Me!!! why i oughta #see also the tyranny of winston Speaking (demanding listening) Being Present (demanding navigation of that) having wants; feelings (NO).... #or you're at more of a loss? you ofc simply get to literally/figuratively walk away :) turning away from winston. ending the scene. shrug #anyways winston is inherently an Other who just so happens to deserve to be Our punching bag & inferior in life yippee wahoo #and by ''just so happens'' we mean clearly Deserves it based on nothing abt what Consequences his actions do or don't have lol lmao #his deserving this inferiority is something more Inherent about him okay lol lmao XD a sentiment unchallenged all 5 seasons he's here #how fun every time rian starts talking to winston with insults & punishment Prompted by his audacity in existing loserishly #what a rollicking episode as wags decides he'll prove his superiority over someone today & everyone claps as he assaults winston. nice! #it was so essential b/c now we can Take his coding w/o having to interact w/him (save 1 meeting just w/sacker!) cool!!! good!!! #lord even knows Where Do I Start Where Do I End It well anywhere & nowhere always & never. the lil topic of ableism & abuse

[mantisgodsdomain]

Considering their IRL counterparts, we think there's a very good chance that since Heart was Rad God's previous host, while she got transmitted to Mad Rat via bits of her in the heart tissue. There's not a whole lot else going on in that operation besides the heart transplant, after all, and we doubt that the doctor had any extra contamination around to potentially transmit her. We know that she says she lives in rats, specifically, but there's One Specific Protozoan she's based off of, and cats are the definitive host o f Toxoplasmosis Gondii.

Given the givens, it's entirely possible she simply doesn't present the same symptoms cross-species, and a symbiotic host that offers more benefits to her just... won't experience the same trip, especially since trying to feed your cat host to a cat doesn't really offer any benefit to either of you. With Heart, he's probably either asymptomatic or just only experiencing symptoms that don't particularly affect his day-to-day life, possibly in a way where he wouldn't have even known he was playing host to a parasite if it wasn't for the situation with Mad Rat.

Would it be weird for him to be... aware of that, postgame? To know that he's carrying a parasite with the potential to majorly fuck up any rats that might contract it? Is there a proper way to react to the knowledge that you're carrying a hallucinogenic parasite in you that'll cause major issues for any rat you might infect? Would he even, like... figure out the whole "asymptomic/mostly asymptomic carrier" thing before later? These are the questions we really need to ask.

#mad rat dead spoilers #mad rat dead #we speak #MRD is a beautifully crafted game with an incredibly compelling narrative about death and life and making something of it all #and also we are going to talk about it like “hey yknow how rat god might live in heart's guts before being evicted via heart surgery” #we are certain someone else has said this considering we're just restating canon facts but we haven't seen it so we're making it again #please do imagine discovering you have a parasite because you died #and came back in a state where you could see the very strongly presenting symptoms in an intermediate host #this is also our theory as to why final cutscene heart uses rat god's voice btw #she's in there hanging out somewhere in his digestive tract and possibly offering mild rat-related perks #depending on how Weird mechanics are might be part of the reason he can talk to rat when the black cat doesn't share a language #gondii is a beneficial symbiote for cats after all #just not for rats #mad rat dead's plot from rat god's pov is just “you get evicted from your old apartment because someone ripped it asunder” #“and then stuck one chair from your living room into this guy's van with you still in it” #“and now you're trying to backseat driver your way into finding a new apartment. the guy will die if you do this but this is fine you think #and then she gets beaten up by the guy whose car she's using #and then from heart's pov it's just discovering you have some guy living in you like five years after she takes up residence #when she starts trying to kill the guy you were an organ donor for who you are currently haunting #and then mad rat is here with “god is real and she wants me dead” #maybe if we get the motivation we will make joke aus based on these at some point #maybe. #we rarely return to MRD so #maybe itll just float #this is one a them “once every three years” fandoms we might be back later but we don't guarantee it. #we'll see how it goes

[3vocatio]

since satan's event has ended, i wanted to ask what your thoughts on it were?

now that i've finished both routes barbatos' event, i can now make a comparison with satan's event...

unfortunately, both follow the same pattern in which the prime subject of the face of the event...simply isn't. although they're advertised as events that center around the specified character, it's more accurate to call these types of events as a gacha in of itself. you don't know who the "real mc" of the event is until you make educated guesses based on the cards or you read through the story yourself. for satan's, it was diavolo; for barbatos, leviathan.

some people may disagree with me (i'm unsure because i haven't been familiarizing myself with current fandom matters), but satan's event was mediocre at best. the devs brought up some aspects of satan i wished they treated better, and i wish that some things hadn't gone as they did (i.e. making diavolo be the "good guy" and satan, the "bad guy". there is no black & white here, devs...look a bit closer).

barbatos' event was disappointing. there is no exploration of barbatos' character--they treat him as static as they have all these years later. i'll be honest with you, though, i'd rather choose one of two evils than to make him unfathomably ooc for fanservice purposes; the event may as well be leviathan's because barbatos only got a small spotlight shone on him in the very last locked book.

tldr; the devs were making baby steps in satan's event, and then embarassingly fell down 72 flights of stairs when releasing barbatos'. treat these events as though they were gachas because you don't know which character will overshine the one you expect.

#﹒❝ birdsong #omswd #crossing my fingers because they havent messed up with solomon too often but whos to say they wont go #'lollll askctuuually (teehee) we're gonna put the focus on simeon losing his goddamn mind! again! heeheehee' #for /his/ event... #as u can see. i have my priorities straight and i do not fret much over obm men because i have achieved the fandom equivalent #of nirvana #(so now i only fret over solomon--silly me~) #how did i do this? simple make everyone your oc and then talk about them with ur inner circle of fandom friends #and then create content for them better than the original #if i sound scattered & disheveled it's because i ran through the deep dark woods of Discord to find myself in the cursed town of Tumblr #12am sharp #(translation: i haven't been here in a hot minute i've been chasing wendigos with my friends over on discord) #(extra translation: wendigos = hanging out w my friends bc they rule <3)

[deadtime-stories]

#'hold your breath and hold on tight‚ hunker down‚ try not to cry' #'tell the critters that you love‚ that you love them‚ that's enough' #'cause there's no stopping what's to come‚ some shit's just etched into the stars‚ calamities you can't outrun' #it's been a difficult six months or so after being presented with some inevitable future losses‚ you kind of just disengage with everything #then try to stay distracted with busywork and things that don't take much focus. It's infuriating when something's happening and you #can't do anything to help or change the outcome or fix it. It's just there and happening and you have to watch and do nothing even knowing #where it's potentially going. And the worst part is‚ it can look like it's getting better and things can look promising‚ and in a span of #days it's all downhill. And I did not expect one of my stupid little distractions to punch me in the face with my reality‚ but here we are. #Our roof is finally fixed though‚ so there's that. It rained for two days and the rain stayed outside instead of coming in. It's been a #good number of years since that was the case. I learned how to make a custard pie last month. The spiral ham I like is on a good sale and #I'm getting one for Christmas. I gave in and spent $150 on UGG men's boots because the ones I had to buy to be in a wedding party five #years ago impressed me but were women's boots. They're super warm. I found a Christmas card that was the leg lamp from A Christmas Story to #send to a friend. Someone gave my housemate Wawa gift cards and now we're fully stocked on free egg nog. A rep at work brought me a little #holiday bag at work with a 'champagne' bottle of french vanilla hot chocolate mix and some nice candy. There's a squirrel who's gotten #spoiled by getting peanuts and now he hangs outside my second-story window on the tree and barks at me to demand more. Rent is going down #in my city of choice and hopefully things go well to move out of this city by the end of next year. Humans are going back to the moon. The #Webb Telescope has been showing us things at the edge of the galaxy I never thought I'd see. Otters and bats and owls and cats exist. #Humans have achieved net positive nuclear fusion...we made a star in a bottle. It's too early to be up right now on a Saturday.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#im at the sketchy laundromat and im the only one here except for the owner (i think) #the (i think) was because i think the woman is the owner but im not sure. its been awhile since ive been at this laundromat #and my washer keeps making weird noises #which makes me nervous especially because i think she's the owner #im so afraid of breaking laundry machines at laundromats. its in my top ten minor fears tbh #so i hope i dont break it #update: shes definitely the owner. shes taking the quarters from the machines. so either she's the owner or a thief i guess #im seeing my friend in a musical today!! im so excited #im not even super close with this friend. but my best friend and i have decided that we need to support their theatrical endeavors #so we saw them in a play in the fall and now their musical tonight #and i have so many fucking errands to do before then. i have to finish my laundry. turn in some paperwork #buy a part of my camp uniform #and then go to the musical. and THEN hang out with my best friend afterwards. hes gonna doend the night at my apartment #and then tomorrow we're going to estate sales #i dont have money to buy shit or space to keep it but its worth it #my washer is making weird noises again! fuck! #pray for me and my washer #im dressed up real cute for the musical btw #its addams family (i love addams family) so im eearing black cuffed jeans and a black shirt with torn shoulders #then a necklace with a black crystal on it. and earrings from hot topic that have a chain and cuff and little crystals at the bottom #you might be thinking 'austyn thats too much black' #but i only own black jeans. and most of ny shirts are also black. so my jewelry is primarily black #(although the earrings have glitter on them as well and the necklace has silver wire holding the crystal) #and really i only know how to match black. im really bad with other colors. plus addams family is dark so i have to match that #oh and im gonna wear some high heeled boots i have. can you guess what color the boots are? #but first i have to finish all of this adult shit and i really dont want to #shit i have to do a lot of driving too. to get to the musical. and ill have to drive back in the dark #this is a nightmare. but at least i got off of work today #holy shit i texted my best friend 'hey. address?' and he replied 'no im josh. some best friend you are. cant even remember my name' #that sounds a lot like another friend of mine but idk. either way i fuckin hate it /j

[florida3exclamationpoints]

Yall wanna hear about smth? good im gonna rant in the tags anyway

#so :)) my favorite animal hands down is orcas #i happen to live on the east coast. aka like the ONE place in the world where orcas dont like to hang out in #my family has taken a few big vacations to maine over the years and we're going again this year #we also went to the very edge of Canada and this year we're gonna spend more time in Canada #also side note...... every time we've gone to maine we've gone on at least one whale watching trips to see humpbacks #and we have NEVER ONCE SEEN A HUMPBACK. weve seen a minke whale a basking shark a sun fish like 100 dolphins and a million seals #but no humpbacks 😭 but that's why we've been so many times they guarantee that you'll see them so we've only paid for tickets once #anyway. FUN FACT. there is ONE singular loner orca who regularly visits the new england area #his name is old thom :) he's approx 30 feet long :) #from what ive read it seems like he comes down here between may-november and hes seen almost every year #sometimes he hangs out with white sided dolphins which is really interesting bc orcas have been known to eat dolphins #and hes never been seen with another orca which is veryyyyyy uncommon #well. hes been seen in the EXACT. WATER. that we RODE A FERRY THROUGH to get from maine to Canada #he was seen near boston LIKE A MONTH??? before we were in Boston #his whole route is like. the exact waters ive been on or near multiple times. #AND WE'RE GOING BACK THIS YEAR. #I NEED TO SEE HIM!!!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!! I WOULD SOB #so yeah. fun facts :) everyone send good vibes for me to see old thom in maine this year 😡 #gotta go back to work now bye love yall

[trans-cuchulainn]

had a headache and used this as an excuse to escape to a dark room before family even arrived today. immediately had an anxiety attack and now i do not wish to leave this room ever again but it's dinner in half an hour and there are seven other people in this house 🙃

#i am just so tired and strung out and today involved a lot of hanging around waiting for people #which i find extremely anxiety inducing in general #and now my most stressful family members are here #by which i mean my cousin. she is the most stressful family member #even when things are going well the tone of her voice is tiring on a sensory level #and things do not always go well #basically my cousin is neurodivergent in a way that wildly clashes with my neurodivergence #but bc we're usually the hosts her needs always get prioritised #and sometimes this has not ended well #sighhhh #personal

[munamania]

it’s just i spend so much time sharing little things about myself in the hopes that it sparks a connection with people and also i guess that maybe sometimes people will think of me yk. to feel like i exist outside of my own head. i dont think this is a bad thing it’s just where im at it’s a natural want for connection and it like. works for me. and i also dont think it’s bad to have the friends i do that are like ‘surface level’ yk. i still appreciate them and love them. it’s just, this is where im at, desperately clawing in different spaces in my life to be known even tho it’s embarrassing lol. and it just sucks that i never had to try to with her. not only did we have this extremely insane chemistry right off the bat, she’s someone that in like every way has made it seem like she actively wants to know me. beyond just the polite and whatever kind of level. and it’s like, of course that feels absolutely amazing given ive been pining since day 1 but also i just like her a lot as a person. you know. and it all sucks and makes me wanna combust sometimes that things aren’t the way i’d like them to be between us of course lmfao but i also think she’s an incredible person and she’s managed to make me feel so safe and calm and simultaneously obviously fucking crazy and energized and whatever. u know. whatever my point is here im gonna be done now <3

#jk! it's like. she remembers shit abt me. not only these things that im basically handing to the world around me like hi hey please #think of me. she notices the stuff i dont make a point to point out. stuff that i say really offhandedly or to myself #she remembered what cup i was going to use our first time hanging out she remembered my posters even tho i only showed her my room for like #a second. shes looked up movies i mentioned she. in her also very drunken state. paid attention to the exact cup i was carrying around #that was actually just sweet and smart of her. when we left she was like Um hey. that's not the one u had lol #sometimes she references things i've said and i have to stop myself from going Oh ;-; on the spot #and early on we'd tease each other even though we. didnt really know each other. so it was over the most basic shit and that was #its own thing that felt all <33333 yk. stupid silly goofy #so now. shes not talking to me for whatever reason and i think lied abt why she didnt answer last weekend and it's weird #and it's like. yeah it sucks knowing they're still evidently goin strong. but also im like damn this person that i was prepared to #call a friend and really like. care about at this point. is acting like we're at square 1 #and we're not close enough for me to Fully be like Yo dude wtf. but we're definitely beyond the point where it's like #oh this is someone i just hung out with once and we didnt rlly click so im just going to be polite but not engage #if that makes sense. yk. #so monday im gonna try to get some clarity on the whole thing but ig here's me lamenting rn #haha u thought u were getting just a regular non film girl vent post. sike #im not like breaking down over this i promise im just reflecting. and didnt want to get up for my journal. so here's this #film girl saga #long post

[a9saga]

One of my closest friends from work is a bi guy with a preference for men and we first initially bonded over gay shit, and we still do. Someone asked him over snap if we were dating lmao

#according to him they said it was a rumor around the park? but idk how big a 'rumor' it is #i do see why that would be speculated actually #whenever someone's on the subject of hanging out w people at work i almost always mention him #and another guy in the same position as him whom ive known for the four seasons ive worked here #but if there's never been a dating rumor about the two of us its probably because no one has assumed that all these years so why now yknow? #but yeah not only is it known that im friends with this guy for a good year but we also went to a concert last month #i asked the work discord if anyone wanted to see scandal and he was the only one who ended up going #i did also go with diana and... technically my other coworker from the job i am about to start. we already knew each other #but yeah if you tell people casually that 'john and i saw/are going to see a japanese girl band' yeah all right #i can see how that sounds like we're dating. but im gay and he's bi and that's really funny #scandal was a big gay night for me #shut up kaily

[mister13eyond]

gay in the tags

#i'm struggling with Brain Stuff so i need to sit here and remind myself of all the people in my corner #but when i start getting sad i need to remember how despite living 2 hours apart my friends and i KEEP making excuses to go see each other #literally just because we want to be together and will invent a reason and find time #i need to remind myself of my friends who literally started an entire huge deep dive into a new series because we've been having fun- #sharing anime and watching anime together and i'm literally down to try anything because i just want a reason to spend time with them #i gotta remind myself of how my loves and i literally set up a minecraft server because it's an excuse to hang out and we're playing- #all the time because we just like having a Reason to vibe #i gotta remind myself that my friends KEEP coming to my streams over and over and making fun comments or joining me in them because they- #just like to be part of something i'm doing #i think i get fixated on the places where i've Asked for time and havent gotten it but when i look instead- #at all the places time has just been freely and lovingly given to me without me even having to ask #then i can remember i'm really NOT the sum of all the times i've been met with silence #ok you can go about your day now the tldr is #i love yall ;-;

[vypcr]

hi besties I’m tired </3

#negative tw #[ooc] #that's code for getting hit hard by the stressy depressy again #idk just getting hit hard by a bunch of shit today out of nowhere #like a lot has happened over the past two years and basically the only friends I have in actual proximity to me live two hours away #so I can't go see them all the time. plus everyone is busy so we're lucky if we get to hang out once a month. #my best friend moved across the country last year and didn't tell me about it in advance or say goodbye #and we didn't fall out or anything and I should be over it but damn. idk. #the fact that I was at his house literally the day before he left to bring him a birthday gift and he said nothing to me about it #that shit hurt in a way I can't really explain. he was basically like my brother we grew up together. and then poof he's gone. #and I guess I didn't matter enough to be told about it lol #then the few other friends I had I kinda just. stopped associating with. mainly because they wouldn't return the energy yknow? #I felt like a permanent third wheel. #so really I'm grateful for the friends I've made here online because sometimes y'all are really the only ones who #don't make me feel like I'm alone 24/7 #I mean that with every ounce of love in my body. y'all don't know how you've helped hold me together this year. #but that's where my anxiety is a bitch because it's always this back and forth of like #one minute I feel like I'm not doing enough to reach out to my friends. the next minute I feel like I'm annoying. #which is literally just my brain being a bully. it's been like this for me for as long as I can remember. #idk fam I just needed to vent a minute I hold this shit in too much. back to shitposting now. #ignore<3 do not perceive <3<3

[i-am-ki11ing-time]

reconnecting w/ an old friend (who prob also has bpd) w/ whom you've had at least 2 HUGE friendship-ending fights is a good idea right?

#well i am doing it anyway #if she accepts my friend request. #actually bpd #actually borderline #we're so toxic for each other - or we WERE - look all i'm saying is i've been doing Work on myself #i am on meds i go to therapy i figured out i'm trans #i don't drink anymore! #all things i didn't have before #i /feel/ better. not a ton but yknow. #anyway last try cause i learn in threes #if it works awesome!!!!! #if it doesn't work then hey. now we know for sure it will never work out #i miss the hell out of her and our messy friendship #stg she was my platonic soulmate #fuckin mental illness got in the way of that #sitting here trying not to kick my feet and stare at my phone like a lovestruck teenager #.....wait y'all hang on is THIS what y'all mean when you talk about favorite person???? #I thought this was just how A Person Feels about their closest friend

[cave-monkey]

Monkey King 2009 Episode 9

The one where Stone Monkey blows up a mountain I guess.

TIME SKIP

TIME SKIP

Old Monkey King is BACK BABY. And Stone Monkey immediately mellows out! Fancy that! Literally all Old Monkey King has to do is go, "He's not that bad, actually." at the four generals complaining and Stone Monkey is immediately chill, full of love and benevolence for the world. All the tension he's carrying just drops, basically (or at least resets him to late Episode 5/very early Episode 6 levels of frustration, basically the same thing compared to where he's been at recently), and you can practically see the relief when he realizes someone with actual weight is in his corner again. He's so happy he's even calmly accepting a pretty harsh punishment for something that was, uh...only sort of peripherally his fault at best? And even defending his deserving of it to Ginseng Fruit.

Amazing how well offering a kid just a little bit of security works, amirite. Almost like he no longer feels like every vaguely confrontational interaction is the death knell on his right to exist or something.

At least until those people go behind Old Monkey King's back to harass the kid to the point he finally gives up and leaves and they don't even try to stop him. Old Monkey King is so done with their shit, too. Between him flat-out telling them that if anything happens to Stone Monkey it's on them (and himself too, and the entire troop to a lesser extent, but the message was for them) and earlier in the episode when they came up to him and he immediately went from 😄 to "...What do you want? 😒" it's a wonder these guys even have the confidence to pull this shit. They're on such thin ice. I have the distinct impression they've been skating here since Episode 4 too, so like, there's thin ice and then there's the vaguely frosty condensation layer these guys are tapdancing on.

Six Ears's entrance was super cute, though. Him sliding in determined to cheer Stone Monkey up and the way Stone Monkey lit up at seeing him. The half-hearted "You should go rest" but knowing Six Ears won't leave him, and Six Ears laughing at him about it, and how easy they were while working together later. Six Ears appears and Stone Monkey's day is immediately 500% better. The sun has risen. It is a new dawn. They are so cute.

...Even though I am chock-full of questions about where, exactly, Six Ears was. He came "back"? So late at night? Like, come on, but this just keeps happening. He's often off somewhere by himself and this time it wasn't him taking himself off on a mission to track Stone Monkey down since Stone Monkey was actually sticking close to the troop for once. All the four generals were asleep, so who was keeping track of him? What was he out there doing?

They're not sending him out on his own, right? Because I feel like we all know why that's been proven to be a very bad idea. Not that I expect the four generals to make solid decisions there, exactly. Heck, maybe they think he's good bait (they had better not think he's good bait). Maybe they don't care as long as it keeps him and Stone Monkey separated. Maybe the timeskip means Six Ears and Stone Monkey are actually getting something approximating real responsibilities now instead of ones they just sorta give themselves, and the wonky schedules are just...actually maybe also an attempt to keep them separated. I think the likeliest possibility is he was tagging along with a patrol or something, but. Hm.

Anyway. Tangent over.

Him desperately throwing himself between Stone Monkey and the four generals trying to defend him was just...really sad, though? Who in the writer's room okay-ed this? He's trying so hard to protect Stone Monkey and his voice actor did a really good job getting across the desperation and nerves, a kid trying to talk down grown adults, and it's just. Ugh. Ow.

And Stone Monkey watching him beg for him and watching it get him nowhere, knowing that the four generals don't want to change their minds, and just. Losing it. Finally. My heart was in my boots during this scene. Stone Monkey taking off, and Six Ears turning back to the four generals and now he's nearly screaming, "You can't do this, it's not safe, what's going to happen to him?" but it still doesn't touch them at all, and Six Ears turns back around, the anxiety and fear, going in circles, but Stone Monkey's already gone. And then that sad little wave and it's all straight to the heart for me. Ugh. UGH.

*drags hands down face*

UGH.

I don't blame Ginseng Fruit for losing their temper, even if the results were like this. It was not a good way to handle it, but they beat themselves up for it so much throughout the episode already it's pointless to condemn them. They're young, and angry that their friend is being mistreated, and they lashed out. It was maybe inevitable.

Ginseng Fruit and Stone Monkey's relationship was really nice this episode, actually. The timeskip has helped them smooth out some of the rougher edges of their relationship, and they're apparently together all the time these days, for reasons sort of touched on in the episode? They exist in very similar states of loneliness, and that similarity pushes them together even if they aren't naturally very compatible. They still clash, they still fumble and don't quite succeed when trying to give each other the support they want to give, but they choose to make it work anyway, even if it's not especially smooth all the time. It's a good relationship.

I should talk more about Old White Deer, but I'll admit my entire reaction to the Stranger Danger PSA that was the latter half of the episode was primarily:

CHILDREN. CHILDREN NO. CHILDREN PLEASE.

And, honestly, I feel like that sums it up. There was not a single point past encountering Old White Deer where I wasn't screaming some variation of the above in my head. Creepy man.

Like. The tea. The fucking tea. Stone Monkey, please.

In Stone Monkey's defense, the last time he was approached by a random person in the middle of the forest and they asked him to follow them home, he met his best friend and it worked out sort of okay for him. He's also predisposed to a fondness for trickster mentors after Old Monkey King. He's learned all the wrong lessons for this encounter, okay. Some very alarming wires got crossed somewhere in his head and it did not do him any favors here.

But it's okay though, because he blows up the mountain.

!

!!!

Just! Sets that big hunk of rock on fire! He did not have to do that, but I can't blame him for feeling a little pyro-y, I suppose. He can have a bit of arson. As a treat. Make the creepy-crawlies from being drugged and left tied up on the floor of a creepy old man go away, maybe.

...This episode was so viscerally uncomfortable, though. Good job, writers. I hate it.

I hope Old Monkey King on the horizon is looking at this giant flaming mountain in the distance like, "...Well at least I know where he is."

#mhw09 personal #the four generals thing comes to a bit of a head and I wasn't actually prepared #old monkey king come pick up your kid please he needs to go home right now #also: stone monkey can control bees now? #or rather he...has made friends with the bees? #was the bee swarm a result of his little bee friend returning to her hive and unleashing the bees of war on the four generals? #like I'm just saying...that seemed targeted #and also can stone monkey being able to sic bees on people be like. talked about. #can we discuss that incredibly alarming possibility? #stone monkey has pocket bees I hope the four generals never sleep again #the only acceptable scenario to driving stone monkey out: they took one look at that situation and went 'mm MM NOPE. that kid needs to GO.' #also bless jade rabbit hanging out while the demon king howls about flattening flower fruit mountain #and being so alarmed #she's only really been involved in one skirmish herself so far so I guess she's new to this #but my child they threaten that like. every episode. #we're old hats at this just sit back and watch- #OH MY GOD SIX EARS IS OUT HERE UNSUPERVISED #SHIT