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itscoldinwonderland · 2 years

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indoctrination? ive been following you for a long time and i was an antisjw/feminist too im not anymore either. i never felt like i was indoctrinated into it.

I think that's valid but my experience is my own.

The group I associated with is the one that screamed about "facts" and "logic" and yet it definitely felt like I was just supposed to accept certain things if they were said by the right people or in the right way and I wasnt supposed to question the group of people I associated with.

There was no drive to think critically about other people's positions and how they related to their other thoughts and beliefs. That means if someone was a literal Nazi, we'd still reblog them as long as they made a "good point". Something something broken clock. - of course not everyone was like this and maybe not with Nazis, but it definitely happened and was common to see posts floating around by shit people because they said one ""good"" thing.

Radicalization. It was REALLY easy to be radicalized and I mean really. Literally the only thing preventing me from being radicalized was my marginalized identity. But every so often I felt like I was sinking a little bit deeper.

Let me explain.. I started out watching a lot of anti sjw videos, ya know you got your Blaire White and your shoeonhead and your repzion and whatever whatever.. but then it was Ben Shapiro and Prager U.. and then it was Lauren Southern and Paul Joseph Watson. Some of this I blame on youtubes algorithm.

And just in case ya don't know... Lauren Southern is a literal white nationalist no matter how much she denies it. Paul Joseph Watson on the other hand is a big conspiracy theorist who is associated with Alex Jones. I watched them VERY frequently! And I tried to convince myself that I was just interested in their veiws, ya know that I just wanted to understand but I'd get a little more okay with their bigotry everytime I watched their videos. THAT IS RADICALIZATION. WHEN THE HATRED KEEPS SOUNDING A LITTLE LESS BAD.

Then I would log on to this awful site and I'd be bombarded with the same talking points. The antisjw group was full of the far right because anything that can paint social justice as bad is good for people who don't want social justice. It was inescapable but it wasn't like self identified Nazis screaming they hate Jews, it was always framed in a digestible matter and when it wasn't it was "just a joke/meme". Because that's how radicalization works.

I always excused jokes, even if they rubbed me the wrong way. Have you ever heard of Stonetoss? Maybe not but you might have seen his comics especially if you were involved with the antisjw groups. Well he's an actual Nazi and I mean, white nationalist, Jew hating, Nazi. And yet his comics would get shared around because they'd be antisjw comics. But that's how they get you, it starts with antisjw comics and then you're see a comic that says Jews are evil. Sadly his comics still get shared around probably by unknowing people but that makes it more scary because we were unknwoing too!

I never argued with anyone on the far right about the far right and I never saw anyone do it because if they weren't us, they were at least our allies. I think a lot of antisjws would make excuses (see:broken clock) or they would outright ignore the radicals. But a lot of antisjws were centrist and moderates who wanted to find the middle ground, which ultimately turned into exusing the far right and critizing the far left.

I was young. I was 16! Some of the antisjws in my circles, especially the ones who were far right, were much older than me! That alone made it feel like it was okay. I was a kid I didn't know better.

I have a lot of thoughts about all this and so my thoughts are all over the place I'm sorry. I feel horrible for the way I use to think and the people I associated with and the things I would promote and the things I would excuse. It was unacceptable.

#text post #anti sjw #anti feminism #social justice #and none of this is to say you cant critize the left or social justice movements or certain people in these groups #im just talking about my experience with antisjw and antifeminism #politics

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thegeminisage · 7 years

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(animal death warning - please be kind and don’t reblog.)

today i had to put my sweet baby girl angela to sleep. it was one of the hardest things i’ve ever done. she was very, very old - 8-9 is considered a senior citizen for a kitty and they don’t normally live past 15, but angela was 20 years and 7 months old - about 95 in cat years. she was also very very sick and had been getting much worse since this past june - then last week took a real bad downturn, so i knew it was time. the vet agreed, said she was full of cancer, and it was terminal, but it was a testament to how i raised her - she said once cats and dogs get so old, if nothing else gets them they almost always develop tumors, and that she could tell angela had been well taken care of and very loved. for her last day i let her take a nap in her favorite spot on the afternoon sunshine, gave her some hot chicken broth, cuddled with her while she purred for almost three hours, and let her walk around outside on the grass for a little while while the weather was nice and warm and pretty. i held her and gave her kisses the whole time she was going and didn’t leave her alone for a second.

i’m honestly not taking it too well - i was 7 when i got her and raised her from a baby, and i’ve lived more of my life with her than without her. it doesn’t even feel real yet despite i’ve been bawling my eyes out all week over it. i love so much miss her already. so, the comic won’t update this sunday, and i may not stream again for awhile either. i’m so sorry, everyone, i just need a bit of time.

i guess it seems a little tacky/oversharing to make a big post about it like this? but i’ve got a BUNCH of messages that i’m not up to answering rn and i just wanted to tell everyone why at once so nobody would think i was ignoring them. i also wanna say thank you to everyone who came to my streams last week and who has been sweet enough to IM me and let me talk. you guys kept me company and kept my anxiety down to a mostly manageable level during a truly hellish week, an incredible feat. i’m so lucky to have such awesome people in my life and enjoying my work.

thanks for your patience with me, i’m sorry i won’t be getting to all the messages i have for awhile.

#personal #angela #my cats #nobody has to reply to this or anything #but i thought since i've mentioned so many times lately i was having a rough time i wod explain what had been going on #a lot of ppl who talk to me often already knew but yeah #mostly i wrote this post for my comic readers #but its a personal issue and i dont like to put too much personal stuff on that blog #especially something so sad #so i wrote it for this one #i'll reblog it to there and then delete it later

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