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slicznymartwy · 8 months

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I’m not sure if your comfortable with it, but if it’s alright, can I request Billy Lenz and the reader (established relationship) having some sort of conversation on his past and the reader comforting him?

this one is rlly sad im sorry :(( this is mostly hc since i've only ever watched the original 1974 film, so idk if this lines up with the canon from the other movies. from what i know about it, i think it's similar. no mention of agnes in this warning: sa of a minor mention, please do not read if that bothers you. also, reader insert was abused/beaten by their mom. very sad take care of yourselves please

☾⋆⁺₊ billy lenz x gn!reader

Night fills your bedroom and coats itself on the floors and walls, except for where the yellow streetlamp spills in past your curtains. Sparing a glance to the alarm clock on your bedside table, you see the time is so late it could already be considered early.

Still, you can’t think about sleep; not when Billy is laying beside you and the house is blissfully empty, two things so rare that it almost seems serendipitous. You’re not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so you keep staring at the ceiling and let the warmth of his body radiate into yours.

“Billy,” you whisper into the quiet room. “Are you asleep?”

You can hear him grunt and squirm beside you, and you feel bad for waking him. It wasn’t often he got a full night’s rest on a bed, and you knew for a fact that there was no mattress in the attic. There were only so many chances to have Billy and the house all to yourself, though, and you don’t want to squander it.

“Billy,” you say again, nudging him with your foot.

He grunts again, but it sounds more cognisant than before. He reaches over himself to pat your arm, almost like he’s quieting down a noisy cat, and you can feel his hand trail down to your own. His palm covers the back of your hand, and he threads his fingers in between yours, curling them down together.

It’s a gesture so sweet that you’re tempted to let him fall back asleep. There’s no helping your addiction to him, though, and you tighten your fingers on top of his.

“I’m not tired,” you say with a pout. “I wanna talk.”

This time, Billy groans, low and long. You think it might be out of annoyance, but you can feel him stretching out beside you, straightening his long legs underneath the covers. He huffs when he’s done, eyes blinking open.

You love his pretty eyes, an orangey amber that you were always getting lost in, no matter how unsettling they could be. It always felt like he was staring into you, like he could see the marrow in your bones.

You loved his intensity. It made you feel alive when the rest of the world was tired and grey.

“Hi,” you say, reaching over with you unoccupied hand to touch his jaw. “I didn’t ask before. How was your day?”

He’s quiet for a long time, and you wonder if he can fall asleep with his eyes open, but then he says, “Bad.”

The word hangs in the air. Billy’s face gives up nothing, a blank page with no words of his own to say. You frown and pull your hand back from his face to rest on your own chest. The other stays in his hold, neither of you willing to let go.

“I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” you ask, although it doesn’t surprise you when Billy shakes his head against your pillow.

“Okay.” You squeeze against his fingers again, pulling gently on his arm so that it rested more heavily on top of you. The bedroom air is quiet, but your mind continues to race. It’ll be good for him to get it off his chest, you tell yourself.

“Is it something old or something new?”

He thinks about your words for a while, but then you hear him mutter, “Old.”

“Bad memories?” you ask, looking back at him. He blinks at you, then nods.

“I get bad memories, too.” You lean against him slightly, and glance up at the ceiling. “From when you were a kid?”

This time, Billy shrugs. You know you shouldn’t push him, but your heart aches to see him hurt and to not have the rememdy.

You turn around and let go of him for only a moment. You search for his hand again, this time with the opposite one to press your hands together, palm to palm. Your fingers entwine so easily, so naturally, that it makes your heart ache.

Maybe he just needs to know he’s not alone in whatever bullshit he’s had to endure in his life. Maybe it will help to know that you have bad memories too.

“My mom used to hit me,” you admit quietly. You stare at the way your hands mesh together, with your nails polished and Billy’s own chewed up. “She used to take my stepdad’s belt and hit me with it. Used to just be the leather part, but then she would swing the buckle at me too. She broke a tooth, but it was just a baby one. My adult teeth grew in alright.”

You keep your voice casual as you speak, because facts are facts, and there’s no reason to get upset about something you can’t change anymore. Besides, you reminesce about your childhood so infrequently that it feels like it all happened to another person.

You remember the beatings like you’re watching it happen to someone else – something else, because you don’t feel bad for them when they can’t sit at school because of the welts on their ass. You don’t bat an eye when their mom has to take them to the doctor to reset their broken nose.

“Bitch,” Billy spits out from beside you, and you have to laugh at the venom dripping in his voice.

“I don’t talk to her anymore,” you tell him, smiling sadly. You glance at him, but it’s hard to look at the mean look on his face. It probably isn’t for you, but your mind is traitorous and too sensitive.

Even worse, Billy could be mad on your behalf. No, you can’t think about that either, not when you’ve spent so long pretending that it didn’t really happen.

“Anyways. All that to say, I know what it’s like, having bad memories. You don’t have to tell me, just… I’m here for you,” you say, running your thumb along his hand where they’re still locked together.

“Want to,” he mutters, voice croaking unnaturally as he speaks in his own voice.

Quietly, you release his hand and instead wrap yourself around him, laying partially on top. He lets out a heavy sigh as you settle, with your arm coming up to rest by his head and your same-side leg resting over his hips. He watches the ceiling, and you watch his face from where you lay your ear to his chest

“Bad billy. Disgusting,” he mutters, and you pet his cheek with the back of your hand.

“I don’t think so.” You keep your voice careful and quiet, but he sighs and its agitated. Pent up memories start to overfill, and you can see it on his face.

“Mommy,” he starts, but his voice breaks and he coughs to clear his throat. “Mom. Fucking hate her. I hate her. Stupid fucking slut. She’s disgusting. Not me. Not Billy.”

You take your hand away from his face, watching how his expression continues to contort, mixing between anger and disgust and fear. It wrenches your heart in your chest.

“You’ve been so good, Billy. You’re not disgusting.”

“I hate her. I hate her,” he chants again. “Oh, Billy! Shut up!”

When he says his own name, it sounds like a feminine moan. You almost don’t understand, but the implication dawns on you only a moment later. It’s not difficult to piece it all together: his rage, the names he calls himself, the moan. You feel sick.

“Hey, we can stop,” you try gently, but Billy either doesn’t hear you or doesn’t want to stop.

“No one needs to know, Billy. Be a good boy.” You can’t look at his face anymore, the ugly way it scrunches up hurts you down to you core. Guilt claws at you from inside, and you wish you knew the right thing to say but you don’t. The truth, you decide, is enough for now.

“I hate her, too,” you tell him, and it sounds a little wet. You don’t let yourself cry, but your heart breaks for a younger Billy, afraid and confused.

“That’s my mom,” he says. You don’t know what he’s trying to convey when he says that – if he wants you to pity her, or if he’s sharing his betrayal with you. He whines, a painfully soft noise that gets trapped in his throat.

Gently, carefully, you card your fingers through his hair where you can reach, and you kiss his shoulder.

“She’s gone. She can’t hurt you anymore,” you tell him, although you don’t know if it’s true. You do know that, as long as you’re by his side, there’s no way you’ll let that woman touch him again.

“I wish I could kill her,” he says through clenched teeth. His voice is thick, like he might be crying. You can’t bare to look. Billy’s grief melts into you like it’s thermodynamics, heat into cold, and you can only hope that you can take some of his and ease his mind.

“How would you do it?” you whisper, pressing your hand over his hammering chest.

“Cut… cut her head off. Smash it like a pumpkin. Oh, Billy! Good boy, Billy. Shut up!” His voice breaks when he shouts. He coughs, then gasps for air, his breath shaking as he fights against the tightenness in his throat. “I’ll turn her teeth into pumpkin seeds,” he snarls.

Without warning, you move yourself to lay completely on top of him, pressing against his body with your body weight. He groans, and you’re sure you must be squishing him, but he doesn’t complain. In fact, his arms come up around you, hooked under your arms and pressing you against him with his hands at your shoulders.

“I’ve got you,” you tell him, pressing your face against his neck. “You’re okay now. It’s just us in here. Just me and you.”

“I hate her,” he whimpers again. “I hate her. I hate her.”

You don’t say anything, because you don’t think there are any words that could possible take away his hurt without also being a complete lie. Underneath your body, you can feel Billy start to relax, grounded back to reality from the rotten memories playing in his head.

“I’m sorry today was a bad day. We can have a good one tomorrow,” you say. It’s an impossible thing to promise, but you mean it like one. You’ll make sure Billy has a good day, whether fate wants it or not.

“Okay,” he murmurs. “I’ll kill your mom too.”

“Thank you,” you say. You kiss his temple, and he leans into your lips.

a/n: reblogs and replies are really appreciated

#billy lenz #black christmas (1974)#billy lenz x reader #slasher x reader #₊*. ⋆༘ — requests #i'm sorry if the pov changes anywhere accidentally #please ignore if i accidentally left in a 1st person pov mention i think i fixed most of it #if not .. forgive me pls #i shouldnt admit this but ive been messing around on c.ai #but its the worst thing ever idk why people rave about it #writing ur own fanfic >>>>>#its such a waste of time refreshing for a better response #when i know what i want them to say .. its just letting people be lazy #i want to shake everyone using it and tell them to just write their own stuff #its so much more rewarding #anyways i am ovulating and thinking about cod men .. its a terrible curse idk why i let this happen

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cherrirui-official · 4 months

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I need you guys to understand me when I say that this is literally just Friday Night Funkin'

#i was having trouble sleeping last night and the thought popped up in my head and i dont think ive ever been the same #one beatboxes the other is a demon and I am about to implode #nuls nonsense #verbalase #cw hazbin hotel #tw hazbin hotel #sorry for the verbalase x charlie jumpscare everyone #feel free to ignore this horrid post or reblog it idc

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sleepysheepytea · 3 months

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*in the quietest and most polite way possible*

deez nuts

#sorry to everyone who is waiting on commissions #ive been busy as honk #ill try my best to get started this weekend if i can #ty for being so patient!!!#spam #ignore this

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todayisafridaynight · 12 days

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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

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dsgustng · 1 year

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I remember people would call those "is the [animal] video cute" blogs annoying and preachy but it's like. I don't blame them for being preachy assholes considering people are willingly ignorant and don't give a single shit Abt animal welfare. You can try to be nice and passive to ppl all you want but they will scream and cry and defend themselves and call you names insisting it's okay to abuse animals so if people have to resort to being blunt assholes to get their point across I don't blame them at all

#ive always been rlly sensitive to animal neglect since middle school or something and almost everytime #i tried to bring attention to animal abuse people would flip out on me and say i was an asshole and 'ruining the fun' or whatever #people dont care. you cant have rational conversations w people who think this way #theyre like abusive parents they just wont listen and insist over and over again they know what theyre doing and theres nothing wrong #animal abuse #especially w lizards and stuff i remember anytime id point out a lizard was stressed or dying in a vid of it 'cuddling' with a cat #everyone would get so mad and defensive #like oh sorry youre so obsessed with this random video youd ignore the truth just to keep telling yourself its cute and wholesome

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tianshiisdead · 3 months

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u may ask me ‘why do you never draw japan if japan is ur favourite’ well the answer to that is that i also hate him and throw him against the wall daily. do i love him more than i hate him? who knows.

But, I do think it’s a little sad i never get around to Japanposting. i have a lot of thoughts, a lot of fascination, some of it a little morbid. Japan lies at the center of my historical interests and yet never quite within them: colonialism in Northeast Asia and postcolonial modernity. Even when outside of the room and not in the conversation, its presence is always looming just beyond the margins, always heavy, and usually bitter. I’m fascinated with what colonialism did to East Asia, and what colonialism did to Japan, the metropole. I’m fascinated by the rocky road to modernity and the ways nonwestern imperialism dresses itself in the language of liberation. I’m fascinated, if equally disgusted, by the gendering of nations and ethnicities in the eyes of both its self and other, the national-relations-as-romance depictions in then-popular propaganda films, in the blurry margins of intra-regional popular culture movements in wartime, and the cultures that emerge from surviving under a colonization that must have felt as though it would never end.

And when I think about it and consider painting, it leaves me a little wistful but also a little lost on how to approach art of Keekoo. I study this history’s shadow, I build my thoughts through a series of absences, I view it by viewing what it has done and the things it’s created - and destroyed. But… I am interested! I have a lot of strong feelings about this character. His contradictions are fascinating to me, even a little intimate. I worry I build him too much from my own viewpoint, poisoned by my family’s history as colonized, I worry that when I carve out what I think he should be I can’t help but focus too much on the shadows created rather than the object itself creating them.

But angst aside I do want to come up with a painting focusing on Kiku and Japan itself and not just having him ominously off screen somewhere LOL

#hetalia #diary #tia rambles #ig #no really im just rambling LOL #also sorry for ignoring everyone im actually still sick… 🤒#when i wnet home i was supposed to go to the doctors but we had to cancel the appointment so i.#well maybe i should book an appointment now (ive been sick for over a year)#also school’s started lol so #hws japan #<- tagged for archival purposes ik hes not perfectly the focu #focus

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scarfacemarston · 9 months

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#personal stuff #i'm so peeved right now i feel like I dont get noticed at all on tumblr anymore #despite all that i do #i'm talking about feeling acknowledged at all #i dont know what happened #i do what everyone asks and there's nothing at all #is it too much to ask for a little interaction?#I give the audio files the meta the art journals which take me hours and Ive lost money on the audio files #literally paid 200 bucks because of that crap messing with my computer and needing new hard drives and stuff #god forbid that I post a few things i'm interested in getting interaction in and I get nothing #at all #some of the last requests Ive done has gotten ZERO notes #a lot of the stuff I want is just not popular I guess like with Abigail or wanting to rp #but a lot of the characters I want to branch out to are popular #maybe my masterlist worked against me since it's old stuff I dont like #sorry to bitch but I just feel so ignored and have been for weeks

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deetealeaf · 19 days

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hi hello im back after basically a whole week. holy shit

#im sorry to everyone ive ignored by mistake #ive been super busy irl #:((

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elegyofthemoon · 2 months

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actually scammers taking advantage of the genocide to make money are The Worst People

#avil speaks #i can't believe just how /many/ scammers there are that are trying to take advantage of this and stomping on people who ACTUALLY need #the help #how heartless do you have to be that you see people getting killed/dying of starvation infection etc #and your thought is that this is the perfect opportunity to be taking money from them? money that could help them evacuate or get the #supplies they need??#its ridiculous how many there are /here/#ive seen way more here than twitter but its just Exhausting #listen since yesterday ive just been in a crap mood bc of personal life nonsense #so maybe im just digging my foot into shit that i ought to ignore instead #but it just makes me a little pissed on behalf of people who need the help #i wish i could say 'i hope these people learn' but i dont think theyre capable of doing so #anyways sorry everyone ill chill and go focus on something else instead #i havent been scammed or anything i just keep seeing a bunch of posts about them and it just makes me mad

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the-faultofdaedalus · 1 year

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@docdracula‘s robot iron man concept has completely taken over my brain, rent free, absolutely no intent to evict, ect ect and i have THOUGHTS i have too many thoughts.

for one, like, how early on does tony die? how early is this ai/robot created? is there a possibility that it was created before anyone knew who iron man was? before even Happy? because that’s So fucked up. no one (but yinsen) ever knew who he was and now no one ever will because there isnt anyone TO know underneath anymore. there’s a single picture of iron man back when it was still tony, back when the eye holes were just holes. back when you could see human eyes under the mask. the eye-slots are opaque now, but. there was a person in there once. so everyone assumes there still is. the assumption is that he’s someone who tony met in vietnam. maybe a soldier. that the two of them were close -- you need to be close, to trust someone with your life like that. for iron man to continue being connected with SI even without the payroll of tony stark’s bodyguard. for the mansion to be left to him. (i am setting tony’s death pre-avengers formation, because i think that is Fun)

No one connects tony stark and iron man beyond that. they knew eachother. they were close. iron man attends his funeral. he doesn’t say a word.

also, in my head, the iron man AI/robot is Distinct from any sort of AI tony. both because this early in canon, i want to say that a perfect copy like that just wouldn’t be possible, and because tony isn’t necessarily trying to replace himself: he’s just trying to replace iron man, and this distinction matters. quite a lot, i think. like, with AI tony we know that tony programmed him to still be an alcoholic. i... don’t actually think he’d do that if he was just building a robot to continue to be iron man, especially with how much tony tends to build up the seperate identity as better than himself. is this AI still absolutely fucked up, even if it is supposed to be what tony considers the best parts of himself? absolutely! hes still kind of based off tony of COURSE hes just a fucked up guy.

i just,,, him. i love this fucked up lil robot trying to be a person, trying to be the best person, trying to be everything tony thought iron man was. being almost tony, but not really. he always feels weird around pepper and happy and ms abrogast because he doesn’t know them but he knows about them. they’re his friends (they were tony stark’s friends) but he doesn’t know how to talk to them. they don’t know what he is. he doesn’t fully know what he is. he isn’t tony stark, but he isn’t not tony stark. he’s iron man, but that’s just an identity, a mask for someone who used to exist and doesn’t anymore. he’s iron man, but not tony stark. he’s just a mask. he’s just a mask and nothing else.

i think he’d start metaphorically sobbing the first time one of the team called him “shellhead” because thats a name FOR HIM!!! he gets a name! he’s been given a name! i don’t know if he’d HAVE one before that. i don’t know if tony would have time to name this AI, or would even... consider giving him a name other than iron man. i feel like he’d get so soft whenever the team treat him like a person but also feel so bad about it because he doesn’t want to deceive them (even as he increasingly feels like he has to, in order to be what they want him to be). i feel like he’d want to reach out, so badly, so very badly, but feel like he has to hold himself back, because if he reaches far enough to make contact whoever he’s reaching for is going to discover there isn’t anyone else there.

i think about him having some actual articulation underneath the armor, mostly in his hands, so he can take the gauntlets off and have fine-motor control enough to build things, things to give to his team who he loves so so much with the heart that isn’t there. i think other than that there wouldn’t really be much else. he can fill the suit up with gadgets and extra pieces and more processors but there isn’t really a point on building a skeleton. the armor is his body.

i like to think that he feels bad whenever the team worries about him. because he ISN’T in the same level of danger as they are. he can’t be hurt in the same way they can. it’s just another way he feels like a liar. he feels like a liar a lot -- moreso than tony, even, because at least tony’s just lying about who he is, not what he is.

honestly the most tragic part is that even though tony’s dead and this robot has no heart to have problems with

he’s still got to plug himself into a wall

#IM JUST!!!#im having so many thoughts about how this would affect canon #because of course right off the bat like half of the ToS plots just. disapear. because tony isn't around anymore.#depending on when it happens #all of the plots that hinge on tony having to be two people in two places at once. gone.#like!!! what happens about the drinking arcs!!! the molecule man thing!!!!#what about the plots when people DO find out who iron man is -- like with the actor and that one guy who thought he WAS iron man in the end #notably in ToS we do have robots that can mimic humans perfectly im ignoring that #but also da;lksdfasdf molecule man and everyone else fully thinking iron man has been vaporized #and hes like. NO I SET IT NOT TO MELT HUMANS I PROMISE #I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BUT THE MELTING HUMANS BIT WAS FOR /LATER/ I SWEAR #a;lksdjfasdf #also having very wall-e esque thoughts #he just wants to hold a hand so badly...... he wants to be Touched #he wants to be known he wants to be held. he wants to feel things. he can't.#(also adjacent but non-related thought: both steve and tony watching wall-e and over-relating to wall-e #while considering the other to be more like eve)#evren i am SORRY about your notifs i am simply Obsessed #also ive for some reason latched onto he/it pronouns for this robot #ive been reading too much murderbot i think maybe #and maybe that like. everyone defaults to he adn he doesn't correct them #but. he isn't a human and sometimes he feels like he should be reminded of that. that he should be refered to as such.#god what would fuckin cw even look like #he cant do identity shenanigans! there is only one identity!!!#so many questions so many possibilities im biting it i am rotating the concept

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