#sysfandoming

[colloquialcolors]

gonna write a fucking post about the Winter TLOU section and episode 8 because what ELSE am I supposed to do after witnessing that huh.

As someone very very pleased overall with the adaptation from the game to the show, something I have missed a little is, oddly enough- the hard cuts to black and time jumps after emotionally harrowing sequences or intense moments. After Henry and Sam's deaths. Joel collapsing outside the university. This episode, though, made something about that choice click into place.

For more context- in the game, this section comes immediately after Joel's fall and unconsciousness. The entire section with Riley and Ellie panicking was DLC, meaning the original flow of the story does not provide you with that context, and you might miss it entirely. Instead, the game cuts to black as Joel goes unsconscious with Ellie pleading above him-

and you get the title card. WINTER. It was not winter before. And you are Ellie, hunting. You have been playing this whole game as Joel thus far, and you suddenly, after all that chaos, are Ellie. Hunting in a white blanketed forest. Lighter, quieter, agile and a far cry from the girl yelling, panicked, above Joel.

And this Ellie is capable, at hunting- she already has a rabbit or two, and has just shot another- when she spots the deer, she has some idea of how to track and take it down (hindered mostly by us, the player, adjusting to controlling her). Until the encounter with David, where Ellie asks a little desperately about medicine, you have no inkling on if Joel is even alive, and Ellie being so capable is almost its own negative indicator. As the section wears on, Ellie does a lot more killing in game than she does here- she stabs a nonzero amount of clickers, zombies, and people in the neck during various navigation and escape scenes, shoots the rifle and the bow (miss u bow) with her own kind of proficiency, and reflects many things you have to assume she learned from Joel. The game medium lends itself well to a certain level of capability, of course- even for 14 year olds with bloodied hands.

While the hard cuts to black provide a gut punch I do miss a bit, getting rid of those allows the show to fill in some gaps- especially about these characters in their weak moments, low moments, after the dust has settled and they need to pick themselves up again. It does a lot in humanizing them. Shows them rattled and uncertain and shaken and mourning, instead of dropping us back in after they've picked back up their broken pieces, given the dignity of speculation.

Ellie, especially, is more scared here- more uncertain, more shaky, playacting as Joel rather than successfully emulating him. There is no hard cut where we get to assume Ellie has scraped things together and settled in it. We see her fear, playing out, see her desperation firsthand, before she even sets back out. She is so young. She was young, in the game too, but it is driven home in new and more intense ways, here. She is so profoundly out of her depth.

The uncertainty makes these same victories hit harder, too. Ellie, terrified and horrified and angry, sassing back. Ellie with realization and fear dawning- making the play for the keys, snapping his finger. "Tell them Ellie is the little girl who broke your fucking finger." Ellie, telling him- I'm infected, and now you are too. So many of these lines and scenes are almost verbatim, but it lands differently, with this different context, with an Ellie who is much less sure but still so lethal.

Less, and more. David's entire Fucking Pedophile Shit deal was much less prominent, in game. The overtness of it made things so much worse. So much scarier. Bella's delivery of Ellie's yells and reactions carry an edge of panic, of fear, of raw emotion, brings a scene that was always at 150% up to 300%, until Ellie, screaming, swinging down the knife is an almost physical, visceral catharsis.

In the game, Joel finds here there- pulls her off, pulls her into a hug after she fights him for a moment, the music swelling to give their words to each other privacy as they lock gazes and speak. Here- Ellie pulls herself back to reality. She finishes her catharsis. She realizes, on her own, face spattered with blood, what she's done. She stumbles from the smoke to the clean outside under her own power, on her own.

When Joel grabs her- she fights, there is such audible rage and horror and fear, and it hurts more, it cuts deeper, understanding that fear, the depth of it. Before he spins her around, and the comfort scene is only half a minute longer, but there is so much more to it- more that led up to it, and more in the moment, of Ellie's gaze going from panicked to unbelieving to weak with relief to something heavier.

So few cut aways in the show. no dignity of a timeskip and implied fractures, just bleeding characters, holding onto each other in the snow.

#this is allegedly a meta but mostly for me to store my love 4 the winter sequence and capture my thoughts right after the ep #sysfandoming #tlou #the last of us #the last of hs hbo #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #the last of hs hbo spoilers #tlou hbo #idk how to tag this #hmmmmmm. #tlou episode 8 #WHAT AN EPISODE!!! HOT DAMN! WILL REWATCH ONCE I'M SURE I'LL SURVIVE IT.

[colloquialcolors]

god fucking dammit, what a wildly devastating TLOU episode. It was always going to be! And yet. And YET.

- Having experienced the game, theres a moment I saw the paintings and the art around the door and immediately- oh- its Ish's place! oh, its beautiful! -and then right on its heels- oh, oh, Sam and Henry aren't making it much further, are they. if this is here.

-- this makes sense with the Kathleen narrative being fleshed out, wanting the stories to wrap together, they can't make it out proper. cant make it away, not really. but also. but also.

- ellie talking to sam is- well. goddammit. fuck. he reveals his bite and her first move is to. draw her blood, try to use it as medicine. ellie wants so badly to not be alone. ellie wants so badly for the people she loves to stay. ellie would draw the immunity out of her blood and give it to others if she could. she tries to. its such a naive move. its all she can do. it does nothing.

- The scene is almost verbatim from the game and it cuts to the core both ways! impeccably! ow.

-- the choice to stay on ellies face is. yeah.

- Bloater does the head rip thing and my only thought was "oh thats such a nice homage to the game, where i got joels head ripped off/in half a solid 8-10 times :)"

- is your person worth more than others? more than mine? more than the world? haha. shit.

#sysfandoming #tlou spoilers #tlou hbo spoilers #tlou #the last of us #the last of us hbo #i dont know what my tagging for this will be i just wanted to store this somewhere #what a good episode. so many choices! i remain very pleased with most of the deviations and shifts. truly taking advantage of this #being an adaptation to a different medium. #tlou episode 5 #... i maybe should have put this on the cr blog #but oh well #too late now

[colloquialcolors]

fashav: its no easy thing to be in a huge arena facing down a monster as people scream for your blood 😤

aloy, remembering the time that not only happened to her but that she had lost all her weapons and her focus right before, killed a shitton of huge machines anyway, and screamed "GET DOWN HERE AND KILL ME YOURSELF" somewhere in that mess: i know more about that than you might think

#tbt to aloy at the end of her rope screaming 'GET DOWN HERE AND KILL ME YOURSELF' icon <3 #sysfandoming #shitpost #horizon forbidden west #aloy #sysgaming #we're making a new tag folks. ill backfill it #hfw spoilers #i suppose #update: uhoh. homegirl really has a specific kind of survivors guilt huh

[colloquialcolors]

okay, fuck, leverage is good.

#this is good i needed something to make my brain ease up on the vibrating and now its. .... vibrating in a new way. ill take it #sysfandoming #this is v good actually because bones was my go to episodic brain off ensemble cast show but given the AGGRESSIVE military/copoganda and #also booths entire THING now irrevocably reminding me of the entire debacle with [redacted] and also his general themes of [redacted] #itll be nice to mix it up a bit #leverage #why are there so many shows and my brain lets me watch so little of them #the primary downside is that given i know the episodes are like. properly researched and everything this will fuel the ongoing rage about #structural injustice and w/e but thats okay it was gonna happen anyway

[colloquialcolors]

starting out forbidden west and once again reminded of why i adore Aloy 'I Am So Stressed I Have So Many Things To Do (alone, without help) Sorry What Were You Saying' Despite The Nora. also a very fun bit of character development to have her go from *largely to mostly unaware that every other NPC is doing their best to flirt with her* to *visibly trying to solve every problem ever in her head* "okay i recognize what you're doing here but i Am Literally So Busy, What The Fuck, Pal, right now????"

#side note they really have to make the autosaving flow a bit more obvious i played through a solid hour and a half bc there were no manual #savepoints #anyway. making this both for my amusement and for time marking of when im starting this #horizon forbidden west #horizon zero dawn #sysfandoming #shitpost

[colloquialcolors]

a compilation of some Leagues & Legends: Remember The Dust quotes, just so i can have them in one place for me to look at:

“Shay decided she didn’t like me on day one,” said Laney.

“You wouldn’t normally let that stop you,” said Jack. “You won Heads over, and the mage teachers, and Sarge, and all they saw when they met you was a little girl.”

“Well, she sees a threat and that’s a harder thing to deny,” said Laney.

--

“Lane,” said Jack, when her voice stuttered to a stop. “I’m sorry.”

She shrugged, a jerky motion, and then straightened her spine. “That doesn’t do anything useful.”

“I’m not trying to be useful,” said Jack. He took a small step towards her. She wavered and then buried her face in his shoulder.

Laney didn’t cry, just inhaled and exhaled sharply, her fingers pressing into Jack’s ribs. The dark loomed around them and Jack was grateful. If it had been broad daylight Laney would still be standing with that straight, careful spine, looking at that unmarked bulls-eye and forbidding her hands to shake.

--

Rupert had spent the truck ride back from Challenge mostly drugged, lunging for escapes and struggling in moments of lucidity.

Once deposited in the lab, he’d spent three days charging every time they opened a door, kicking at technicians and guards. This got him bruised, drugged again, and no closer to escape.

On day four he got up, changed into the civilian clothes he’d laid out the night before, and made up his bed in precise regulation folds. Head-on struggle was clearly ineffective. Rupert was a strategist at heart anyway. Time to go back to his roots.

--

People always asked her what she had done with her village. (She had buried them). They never asked about the dragon—she had killed him, yes. But she had also buried him. She was good with a shovel.

--

“This isn’t your business,” said Grey. “Laney, stop it.”

“What are you afraid of?” said George.

“It’s just not your business,” he said, trying for angry. “You left your war, okay? It’s not your fight anymore. There’s responsibility to be had here and you’ve had enough.”

George’s hackles rose and fell. Grey scowled but his hands scrambled over papers.

“You can’t sit with your back to a door,” he said. “I knock over my coffee and you go for a knife before you go to save your notes. You read about potatoes and you just keep getting happier.”

“Pip,” said Laney.

“You’re out. We’re not, and I’m not going to drag you back in.” He squeezed the rim of his chair with hands that looked like his sister’s.

--

“I’m not planning anything. My whole— everything just—”

“You’re planning to get into a research lab to get your practical skills better. You’re planning to delve more into material sciences, and the history of seacoast thespianism. You’re planning to keep an eye on Jack, to irritate Laney enough that she gets that edge in her voice that means she’s paying attention, that she’s present. You’re planning on using the remains of your father’s horrors to build something worthwhile.”

--

“I’m fine,” she said. “I am—I’m breathing: I’m walking; I developed a new spell knot last week; my reports are meticulous. I’m fine. I’m terrified that wherever Rupert is, he’s not. He’s not,” she said.

--

“I let him be,” said Rupert.

“That’s doing nothing,” she said, irritated.

“No,” said Rupert. “It’s not.”

--

It doesn’t matter what kind of power you carry in your pockets if you don’t know how to use it.

--

“So yes—I’m treating you like I treat people. That means when you’re hurting, if I can help I probably will. That means that if you’re hurting other people, I will stop you.”

--

“You’re yelling now.”

He smiled, a sliver of a thing. “I am not. You know I’m not. But you need to get that into your head—you don’t get to use me to make yourself feel better, and you don’t get to use me to make you feel worse either. You just get to be. Congrats. Welcome to the rest of the world, Miss Graves. You get to figure out how to live with yourself.”

--

She had gone completely still—a stone maiden. People talked about her like she was a medusa, but maybe she was just cold marble left behind in a monster’s garden. “I want to live,” she said. “I want out because I want to live, okay, is that enough for you? Have I earned it, then, bared my soul enough? Are you satisfied, with your checklists and your forms and all the little boxes to fill in about whether or not I’m worth saving? I want to live,” she said, “and I don’t even know what it means. But it’s not this and it’s not where I was, and I want...”

“Okay,” he said. If her chin was trembling (just a little), then her hands were folded gently in her lap, elegant long-fingeredthreats. “Okay,” said Rupert. “Me, too.”

--

“So if you do things on purpose, you think that makes it better?”

“Sometimes it makes it worse,” said Rupert. “That’s why you need to be careful what you do.”

Grey’s voice was small. “Are you?”

“Never enough,” Rupert said.

--

"Hey, no—I don’t care what it means here, I don’t care what it’s causing or not causing—you were a kid and you did something impossible because you wanted so badly to be something more than what you were told that you were. They said you couldn’t shoot and you did. You were the best at it, at all of it. You are the best, Lane, at what you do, and it doesn’t matter what you do.”

--

"Jack—he listens to people when he meets them. He learns their stories and the things they want. Rupert always found out what they needed. They’ve met so many more worlds—worlds, right? That’s what that is, people’s lives and all the things they know and think and have seen that I never have—Jack’s met so many more than me. I haven’t seen any life but mine. I haven’t been looking for any world but this one. I missed them. I’ve been collecting facts and little details, lists of things—because if I just swallow all those down maybe there won’t be room for—” He looked up at her. Ana was waiting, which she was so very good at. He wondered how many worlds she had met. He wondered how many had been stolen from her.

--

“Congratulations, new terrible things have happened to me. I’m still me. Different nightmares—but the nightmares aren’t true. The world was broke before all this happened, and it still is, but I still get to do more with my life than save it.”

--

“I feel safer when she’s here,” said Grey, almost spitting it. “She’s so many people’s nightmare. She’s got so many nightmares, but I sleep better when she’s in a room. She’d hurt anything, but not me—you know how many terrifying people I get to feel safe with? You’re all scarier than anything out to get me, and I get to feel safe, and everyone else gets to hide.”

--

“If you had really been gone, Rupe, we would never have gotten over it. We’d be okay, we’d be happy even, make new friends and new homes and new ambitions—but you would always matter. You would always be gone and we would always miss you.”

Rupert had his head ducked now. Jack pulled his hands from his pockets, letting them hang loose and open.

“And that’s okay, Rupe.”

“It’s not.”

“Take it up with whoever invented mortality,” said Jack. “One day one of us is gonna miss the other. You want me to hate myself, if I end up going first? You can live through losing people, Rupe. I don’t want to live through not having them.”

--

He looked at Laney and Rupert put a sticky date roll on one of her knees.

“You think I’d be used to missing him,” said Laney. Jack sat up and pressed close to one side, so she fit her head under his chin and exhaled out. Laney reached up to where Rupert was still half-crouching awkwardly within arm’s reach. She pulled him down and he dropped to his knees, then to sitting, his head falling gently to her shoulder. She took apart the roll and ate it piece by piece, then licked her fingers clean.

Laney closed her eyes and tried to pretend this was the whole world, right here. This was all. Rupert’s arm was warm on her side, his long fingers on her knee. Jack’s heartbeat and even breathing blocked out every noise leaking through the canvas walls, if she listened hard enough, so she did.

--

His hands were easy and familiar on the camels’ flanks. She had spent all her childhood watching these beasts of burden move and bicker around her. She had spent the last few years watching Rupert move this slow, this careful, and this kind, and here they both were.

--

Jack pulled back, smiling, and said, “Remember to fall down, now and again, alright?”

George snorted. “You know,” she said, “he never told me that?” She still had one hand fisted in the fabric of Jack’s shirt. “He never did. I think he thought—that I’d had enough bruises. That I might shatter. I think he realized it wasn’t advice for everybody, or that it was, and I just wasn’t everybody.”

The warehouse was vast and mostly dark around them. Gloria talked nonstop in the distance while Laney drew out protective circles on her knees.

“He told you,” George said, almost a whisper. “He told random kids. He told Bidi. Falling down, the bravest thing he knew.”

Jack said, “Maybe he thought you’d spat out enough bravery for other people. Or maybe he thought you already knew.”

She squeezed his arms and then stepped back. “Be good, Jackie.”

--

He was getting a good hold on the balance of this now. He was walking and it felt like walking, not like he was teetering, about to fall.

--

Jack went to sleep, and when he woke in the morning he was rested.

#whoops i should probably sleep now #lets see if the brainweasels will cooperate now. i probably should have started doing this with beanstalk but i just finished RTD and im. #FULL OF FEELINGS OKAY. #there isnt nearly enough grey in here but if i ever do Echoes he'll get plenty of it im just thinking about rupert. and george. #sysfandoming #leagues and legends #remember the dust #quote #l&l

[colloquialcolors]

had a conversation with coworkers about the possibility of layoffs and then came home and realized the forbidden west collectors box with statues and an artbook that i'd seen over the weekend was so cheap bc its currently 50% off and had a mild crisis over not buying it and now ive ordered one. for 100 dollars. doing swell.

#im gonna have the Coolest Statue(s) and art book. this is good. and sane. and fine. #sysrandom #sysfandoming #? #horizon forbidden west #B) #aloy ily #ive heard they made you Confront Your Need To Always Save Things And Handle Them Alone in this game #THRILLED for it #i also said something mildly dumb during the conversation and we are setting MULTIPLE fires to avoid letting my brain spiral 2 hard abt it #cmon brain. cooperate. #things are Buck Wild huh :)

[colloquialcolors]

took like TWO YEARS to finish mirrors edge, but i finally did it, three cheers and a tumblr post to commemorate.

primary thoughts:

1- good fucking god, the music and game design are just. 👌👌👌👌👌👌

2- I Wish I Was Not So Bad At This Game I Would Feel So Cool All The Time In It.

3- I think I'm allowed to buy merch for this game now right. im allowed to buy things and emulate Faith. i can wear my M.E shirt without feeling like a poser. i can go get a M.E jacket. right. ...

4- the entire plot of over-aggressive security forces and horrifically pervasive surveillance system throughout the city really just hits Peak Unease for me. haha very funny what do you mean this was written in 2008, fucking dammit, DICE.

5- im absolutely going to try to vault over/climb something i shouldnt in the next day or two and potentially bang up my shin, but its fine because #parkour!!!!! parkourrrrrrrr

#playing this game puts me so on edge due to Themes and Me Being Bad but in theory this game would be SO peaceful. alas. #sysfandoming #sysrandom #shitpost #mirrors edge #i should make a category for when i finish games tbh i do this often enough #game completion hurrah #now the real q is. do i want to play catalyst. hmmm. #oh NO DID I NOT WRITE. A POST FOR WHEN I FINISHED HOLLOW KNIGHT #god ok ill get back into it and get a good ending and write a post then i guess #sysgaming

[colloquialcolors]

im very simple. i see a character with desperate poise held with white knuckles and emotional repression up the wazoo and so many questionable coping and survival tactics that paper over their every action and word and the brightest smile and so many issues and a knee jerk distrust of kindness and flight risk tendencies all wrapped up in their flinch reflex and i go "is no one else going to Take Them." and then. i take them. they're mine now. im putting them in a jar.

#a league of their own #greta gill #sysfandoming #its been a while since a character has Yanked Me By My Insides like this. but oh BOY. #update on swinging #i absolutely have a type of character i like in media and its. its this i think. #theres some gayness wrapped up in this instinct too but by god thats not the end of it #anyway one could argue this also applies to characters like imogen temult and emily fields but its okay. right now its about Her™

[colloquialcolors]

having just read the last of the HoO on a whim, some quick thoughts:

- ... i might not have actually read this one. i think i couldnt get it for a while for some reason and i just picked up on the plot through osmosis? and thought i read it? anyway. good book. good ending. 10/10. glad i own it now apparently.

- good god the 7 are ridiculously OP by the end. no wonder they had to fight The Literal Worst Threats, they could literally kill and outmaneuver ANYONE other than literally mother earth by the end

- like the combo of: shapeshifting! illusions/invisibility! charmspeak! mechanical fuckery! incredible tactics! and THEN just the regular ole "fuck you die by <elemental power>. holy SHIT.

- Nico and Reyna both discovering the power of friendship and healing through the last book was something enjoyed SO much.

- also reyna i love you so much and also reyna the aroace spectrum is a thing!!!! youll be okay no matter what!!!!!!!! have some food and go hang out with your friends. fuck off aphrodite.

- also piper is right reyna could absolutely 1v the whole camp. and win. putting up a shrine in my house to reyna.

- im so thrilled the nico/will thing panned out like. :) and nico learning to accept other people caring about him... that he has friends....

- I REALLY LIKED THE NICO REYNA SUBPLOT I CARE ABOUT BOTH OF THEM.

- each of the 7 are Good™ in their own way. which i think is the point but. its honestly. really impressive. how each of them are distinct and they also have relationships with each other like. Damn.

- percy and annabeth EARNED their goddamn peace holy shit. college. some chill times. also mayne some therapy like damn both of you were still barely recovering from house of hades.

- the women in this series are so fucking impressive love that for them. and me. and them.

- like the hunters AND the amazons AND the ladies in the big 7? are all? killer as hell. metaphorically and literally. good for them. also theyre friends with each other :)

- i know there are more stories- i didnt read the apollo series, and magnus chase mentions annabeth apparently, but- i like this as an ending. sans a small mental epilogue of them finding out about Leo and that reunion, but. this is nice. its nice.

- seriously these books have a kind of astounding amount of representation? what? like. damn. i know its not perfect but like. ... damn.

- annabeth and reyna should get coffee and hang out and complain affectionately about percy and im choosing to believe they do.

- also hazel and piper.

- did I even talk about hazel yet. I really like hazel. she was a little less prominent in this last book though. her and her mist... and her horse... second lease on life... glad u snagged urself frank and also a RAD HORSE u deserve it <3

- also piper is fucking terrifying good God(tm). I liked the lil thing she and Annabeth had though. and she and Reyna. still absolutely terrifying.

- and frank should get a million friends ilu frank. im glad you grew into yourself and ALSO YOU CAN TURN INTO LITERALLY ANY ANIMAL, THATS RAD AS HELL. I think he and annabeth should have gotten to hang out more I feel like they would get along.

- leo you menace, (affectionate...?). did you know your friends CARE ABOUT YOU you trainwreck. I have some mixed feelings about you and your plot lines and your character growth but. it all pans out I think.

- jason is gonna hang out i guess. just chill. good for him. go hang out with thalia yes. sibling bonding. (ignores canonical jason future)

- percy. you're a slightoy immature menace with a heart of gold who has been In It™ since the start. im so glad you got a happy ending. go call your mom and take a nap.

#well that was a completely unintentional derailing of my last three hours but no complaints #sysfandoming #pjo #hoo #what a lovely nostalgic trip.

[colloquialcolors]

i should maybe wait till i finish the dlc to do this, but NAHW its okay. having finished the main storyline of Control, a smattering of thoughts, just for future me:

- fucking HELL, environmental design, my beloved. every single environmental artist and level design engineer and etc in this game has my whole heart. the different deparments! the POSTERS! people doing office shit melded with the utter FUCK ALL absurdity, people complaining in correspondences and emails to each other, people being /people/ told through levels and background details. The agents bitching in the executive area. Actual scribblings on whiteboards. The little "LETS DO WORK!" sign with the little "NO!!" post it note under it! Like. Oh. I always love stopping and looking at text around the game, signs and throwaway text and little shit, and by /god/ does this game reward you for doing it.

- the game mechanics and powers are like. wishfufillment to the max. holy shit. the telekenesis and launching is exactly as fun as it looks (moreso, with the lock on!). The gun recharging its own ammo given time is the Best Fucking Thing Ever. and the FLYING. the flying is the best approximation ive ever seen of how flying works in my dreams. (not permanently, cuts out sometimes, but its COOL while its happening). The Anchor fight? Fucking incredible.

- the worldbuilding is astonishing. genuinely astonishing. idk what to say beyond that

- THE ASHTRAY MAZE <3 ASHTRAY MAZE SECTION MY BELOVED <3 MUSIC AND LEVEL DESIGN AND MECHANICS ALL MELDED INTO A THING OF BEAUTY. <3 <3

- character building im still a bit on the fence about, but i think i enjoyed it. the side characters definitely got more fleshed out as you went along. jesse is... maybe a little flat at points, but still good, well thought out overall. either way, shes mine now. i give her depth. and angst.

- i still. okay. listen. i still dont Really Trust The FBC. Which I think is the point??? but like we seemed to end on a note of "now we are FBC and we are good and FBC is doing good bc we are in charge :)" and like. LIIIKE. HMMM. LISTEN. THIS INSTITUTION AS A WHOLE STILL KIDNAPPED YOUR BROTHER AND DOES VARIOUS UNETHICAL THINGS THAT DIRECTLY RUINED YOUR LIFE AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE BOARD HUH? I think its going foe a thing of "the people matter more than the institution and the people Make the institution" which. hmm. sure. okay, i guess?

- I did Not Know it was going to be so horror/horror adjacent when I first got it. but you know what? it was a good time. nice change of pace. well executed. very nice.

okay enough of the mechanics now for me having a good time:

- jesse my beloved <3 jesse making little sarcastic remarks to herself <3 jesse seeing weird shit and going "fuck?! okay. sure." <3 jesse with imposter syndrome. <3

- jesse jesse they LISTENED to your THERAPY sessions they TRACKED YOU YOUR WHOLE LIFE and you thought you were INSANE jesse how do you feel about that. jesse pls @ me.

- jesse whats up with your right shoulder why do you always adjust it

- i really thought pope was gonna be evil but. i guess shes not! so shes just good and on your side with a little undercurrent of "i am 2 steps away from letting my passion take me TOO far" all the time. fair enough! love that for her

- darling only being shown through videos is a FASCINATING way to frame a character, 10/10. very interesting

- fucking hell i love the containment sector and its little altered items so much. i loved learning about each item, i love the absurdity of looking into the cells and seeing just. A fucking rubber duck or some shit under close surveillance. just.. orgh. maybe my favorite aspect of the game. reading reports.

-- i think its similar to the appeal of SCPs. just incredibly wild and sometimes hilarious shit in a deeply formal tone and scientifically examined. stupidly mundane objects. tiny impacts. idk its really good.

- im trying to avoid gushing more about env/level design but. the use of lights and colored lights to indicate things? work of art. consistently reinforcing the association of red lights with Bad Shit and using that everywhere.

- *cocks my gun and points it directly at the board* WHAT ARE YOU HIDING YOU ASSHOLES. WHAT ARE YOU.

- orig music!!! for the ashtray!!! like what!!!! shit!

- going into the hiss dream sequence section like "is this Imposter Syndrome, the Game", finishing the sequence like "it IS"

- underhill would kill me if she could

- langston is. hilarious. i dont think i trust him bc like. he locked up my brother his whole life and sees 0 issue with it. he LITERALLY runs the Panopticon. but. hes funny. dammit. they got me.

- arish is good. i like arish. arish is my buddy. hes just trying to do his JOB okay, fuck, what is all this shit.

- marshall is.... terrifying. mixed thoughts on marshall.

- pope is... look. i like pope as a person, i think, i just also think that she would 100% cause a world ending event because she got real excited about the scientific possibilities and the research and forgets about consequences. but jesse deserves a friend (👀friend?) and pope is Good and has our backs so. sure.

- im still thinking about dylan. i think dylan is more of a concept or a placeholder than an actual character which feels- right. the story is about jesse. dylan was only ever a driving factor, a name in a quest, a concept, an icon.

- i UNDERSTAND why yanking an explosive object at yourself is BAD but also did the designers consider: im bad at being careful :(

- do the altered items get lonely :(

- i think jesse should be allowed to take a nap. as a mechanic. also be given a hug, as a mechanic. (jesse how touch starved are you. how often have you recieved hugs in your life. jesse.)

- the canonical event of "i picked up a gun and now have a job AND are promoted AND need to clean up a ton of shit, christ" is already hilarious, but its even funnier when jesse comments on it. wild shit, huh girl.

- i unlocked multiaunch and im gonna go fucking HAM with it tomorrow.

#its been a while since i did one of these. but this game gave me many good feelings so we are gonna go ahead and preserve that #URGH the env design and storytelling and level design are all just. so fucking good i cant get over it. the attention to detail is. so good #and the ACTUAL GAME MECHANICS <3 and the execution of the storyline/genre elements/pacing was also beautiful #idk. really really well done. i have nitpicks but like. as a whole. ambitious AND beautifully executed. #sysrandom #sysfandoming #control #control game #i should probably make my own tag for these game wrap up rambles but oh well #and now... to reblog things #game completion hurrah #sysgaming

[colloquialcolors]

uh... horizon zero dawn frozen wilds spoilers, i suppose.

Finally finished the main questline of HZD Frozen Wilds, which was good and great. But. but. At the end of it, as things were wrapping up, the conversation with CYAN hit a point where Aloy was asking what the world was like Before.

And CYAN talks about how things were Real Fuckin Bad. Because of resource wars and displaced refugees and starvation. And then she talks about how all of that stemmed from dramatic, human aided climate change. And how people didn't do anything until things were catastrophic. Millions displaced or dead. (Aloy asks: The whole of Earth didn't have enough space for everyone?)

(No. Not after so much of the Earth became inhospitable.)

And then desparate measures. Things like CYAN herself, advanced AI's and countermeasures to try and balance things. A desperate, dramatic pivot, greased with the blood of millions. But it worked. It bought them some time.

(Until. Until the Faro Swarm came along. Until human propensity for militarization and overexploitation of resources came to fuck everything up one last time.)

(It seems my joy at our success was... premature).

I watched this conversation play out and I glanced at the windows where ash has been clouding the skies for... days? weeks? and thought about. Millions dying, global tragedies, over and over for something to change. About how maybe even that wont be enough.

HZD was a fucking beautiful game in so many ways. But i'll be damned if sometimes the writing isn't a little... too well done.

...

anyway. i also really wish aloy could have a little more time after the epilogue. time to breathe. time to come back and talk to cyan or rest among people who would treat her as a person who needs a fucking break instead of a Blessed Chosen One or an unflappable hero. I get why they reset to right before the last main story mission. But god. She deserves a break- a real one, not one with the looming destruction of the planet heavy on her conscience.

edit: anyway in conclusion, fuck capitalism

#after saving the day yet again the first question she has for cyan is about whether the yellowstone eruption would still be preventable #since they had to destroy so much of the facility #she just. constantly in crisis saving mode. aaaaaa. #i love her very much and also loved hzd a whole fucking lot #sysfandoming #horizon zero dawn #im sure ill have thoughts about this game for forever #what a game to play while the world crumbles #avoided playing tlou bc of the pandemic parallels and got smacked with climate crisis parallels instead #is that a sign of apocalypse bingo or just games being super prescient? who knows #god i love this game so damn much though. also all of this area was beautiful #it recreated real yellowstone spots! thats fucking incredible! #game completion hurrah #well dlc completion hurraj but close enough #sysgaming

[colloquialcolors]

Having finally finished the main story of Horizon Zero Dawn, I can confidently say i Fucking Love It So Much. The gameplay hits everything I want from an open world game, its fucking gorgeous, and also I would lay my life down for Aloy. Not that she would need me to.

(We love a main character who is moral and kind, stubborn as hell, does not take Any bullshit, and is also Too Fucking Stressed And Busy With Heroism to bother with the fact that every NPC under the sun, of all genders, are trying desperately to flirt with her. To no avail.)

#horizon zero dawn #anyway this is just a preface to me rbing HZD stuff for a while #god so good #i still have the DLC and ng+ too! #im gonna be arrow shooty shooty mechanical dinosaurs for a long while :*) #sysfandoming #hzd #aspec shtuff #game completion hurrah #sysgaming

[colloquialcolors]

writing this specifically for future me to look back on: the update is! a BRAND NEW SHINY GAY RABBIT HOLE, LADS.

thats right i've fallen headfirst into wynonna earp. and after a record like NINE DAYS I'm just. oh wow.

im still in the peak(?) of the rabbit hole. is it a peak if its a hole? this its the equivalent of a mountain top but its me in the bottom of a rabbit hole just swimming in insta-serotonin from consuming wynonna earp content. either way right now im in the prime spot where my brain physically can't stop thinking about it but its fine because its just that Instant Happiness And Giddiness. what a TIMe what a time

anyway for timeline:

- (over the past few months) it trends multiple times on tumblr, i get a very blurry vaguely lesbian shaped understanding of whats happening

- (sometime last week) the finale trends, i get a little too invested in the tags, learn peoples names, watch a few clips. lesbians good.

- the clips transition to youtube clips

- whoopsfucki'veemotionallyprojectedontoonecharacter,ohfuckwhoopsnowanotherone,ohfuckohgodohfuck

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (maybe i should actually watch the show?)

Anyway so for a short fun exciting list

- wynonna is the definition of a hot mess in every incarnation, if i could have dreamed up the perfect indulgent "sarcastic badass hot as fuck trainwreck who gets shit done anyway, i have deeply rooted issues and so much love for specific people and VERY bad coping mechanisms and clear self-sacrificing and self worth issues" character of my dreams and my writing and EVERYTHING it would be very her-shaped. i just. *holds wynonna* ur mine now.

- nicole has escaped the bulk of my aggressive absorption for now but its. on the edge. after the 18 month disappearance and she's just Barely holding it together and also the rough upbringing and that deeeep desire 2 protecc people and oh boy

-and then waverly

- okay listen

- in sequence:

-> oh? this character is Literal sunshine in a human and the broody one and the other one are both deeply bone deep protective and love her. ANd shes a ? lesbiab? nice. n i ce.

-> OH? character has some DEEP rooted issues and the sunshiney is PART of that? its RELATED? to how? bright and cheerful she tries to be? difficult past? various insecurities including but not limited to self worth and abandonment issues and a general desire to please other people that often lead to an overwhelming minimizing of self and the people she loves fight for her to learn to take that back? oh? ???????? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 [see reference: sys has an EXTREMELY specific track record around brunettes with sunshine smiles and bucketloads of problems and suppression/internalizing issues, what the FUCk this character feels like a targeted bullet]

-> AND YOU'RE FUCKING TELLING ME THEY ADDRESS THAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CHARACTER WITH THAT AND THEY ACTUALLY ADDRESS THAT? THEY HAVE IT COME UP THROUGHOUT AND THEY HAVE MORE THAN ONE PLOT POINT WHERE THE ENEMY IS A DEMON BUT THE MAIN THING BEING GRAPPLED IS ACTUALLY HER FIGHTING THE SENSATION OF WORTHLESSNESS AND PUSHING HER OWN FEELINGS ASIDE AND LEARNING TO ACCEPT LOVE

-> -> I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON

-> honestly on this subject i just. cant believe the things they ACTUALLY address on the show. like they genuinely bring up and confront and discuss wynonna's drinking and her fear of letting herself be happy and the way her self sacrificial tendencies hurt the people she loves. they don't just hint at or make jokes about the sunshine literal angel of a character having sad feelings that are suppressed they make it a FULL PLOT POINT with SERIOUS GRAVITAS with SUPPORTED AND GENUINE BUILDUP that she has to battle her demons FUCKING LITERALLY and then she gets support after from wynonna and nicole because she shouldn't have had to do that at all and they love her and like

-> what the FUCK is this what??

-> (also ? her coming out story being part and parcel with the first season arc of "she's finally learning to be happy with who she is/wants to be?" like?)

- and of course i can't stop without mentioning this:

-> THE FUCKING. SISTERLY, NON ROMANTIC BOND. oh my god. listen i do really love nicole and waverly and their relationship and the Love and Sacrifice and Growth but just LET ME

-> i cannot believe, i CANNOT BELIEVE, because the non romantic bond is GIVEN THE SAME LEVEL OF GRAVITAS AND SERIOUSNESS AND DRAMATICS AND EMOTIONS AS THE ROMANTIC ONES. Where they fight ot save each other and have talks while crying and hold each other tight after danger and fight for each other and? like? what thef uc k. they love each other so much and both of them have such different issues from their upbringing that hurt them equally but in such different ways

- where wynonna was labelled as crazy and apparently sent to juvie and various foster homes and ripped away from her sister and made to believe she would be better off without her bad influence around and just generally had to tough up real fast, and was dragged back anyway by a destiny she didn't want and is tough and sharp and would literally fucking die a million times over to save her sister who is so much better than she is and is a goddamn angel

- and waverly who was always an outcast in her own family for reasons she didn't understand, and then got left alone in a town full of people who didn't like her because of her fucked up family who made herself bright and brighter and more likeable and tried so hard to be good and special and be LOVED and has so many fucking goddamn issues about not being good enough and being overshadowed and being abandoned and hiding so much of who she is and how she's feeling. like.

- and. they love each other so much oh my god. their relationship and emotions are given the same level of importance as the romantic beats and sacrifices and i cannot fucking get over how amazing that is. so many storylines coming down to "i will actively fight this demon and all of hell to keep my sister safe fuck right off into the sun" intertwined with "i love this woman and i will kick your ass through your nose and possibly die and take curses on myself to save the woman i love, fuck right off into the sun". and christ, nicole and wynonna just get each other on a microscopic level because they both love waverly and thats all they really need to really Get each other (but also they have a great dynamic)

- im just losin it. its fine. its all good. i need to cut off this post now before it gets even more out of hand. oh god. this isn't even half of the yelling

- i can't believe both the actresses for nicole and waverly came out over the period of the show and dom specifically cited waverly's arc as the reason why she was able to do so like? LIKE? even before they both came out they were incredibly supportive of the community and then? ??

- its fine its fine its fine we're putting this post away now cmon.

- i hope future me is enjoying reading this. right on in your gay trainwreck face, future me.

#update on swinging #i want to hold all three of them very close 2 me and absorb them into my soul #honestly i just cant get over it because they ACTUALLY ADDRESS THE TRAUMA AND EMOTION REPERCUSSIONS OF THINGS ON THIS SHOW? #so many new things i learn about this show feels like a weird fever dream level of wish fufillment and i cant deal with it #threE? whole characters that are various forms of my Fucking Kryptonite? not allowed #and THE LESBIANS END UP HAPPY. LIKE. THE LESBIANS. THEY GET THEIR HAPPY ENDING. THEY GET THE BEAUTIFUL SHINY ENDING AND IM #the codependent sister relationship is ADDRESSED and they love each other but wynonna TAKES THE STEP TO STEP AWAY AND CHASE HER OWN HAPPINE #okay alright i need to chill out now #sysfandoming #im REALLY HOPING the 5 tag trick still works here i dont want to flood the actual tag with my shit but i need to be able to find this later #wynonna earp #god im just gay as all hell and weak for women with Issues and hearts of gold. thats all

[colloquialcolors]

me, vaguely to myself: hm i should catch up on the new season of agents of shield.

me, gets 10 minutes in, watches Daisy quake apart multiple enemies guns: ah, yes, good, this is what i wanted, i can stop watching now-

addendum: jk im also here for Melinda Fucking May kicking the living shit outta people like a true badass.

also someone let her rest. pls. p l s.

#update on swinging #yes still very gay for daisy johnson thanks for asking #sysfandoming #aos

[colloquialcolors]

ya girl fucked up and watched part of TLOU again, and once AGAIN remembered how much she fuckin loves this game. goddammit.

#sysfandoming #ellie i love you forever #everyone i know has either died or left me- everyone-fucking except for you! #ellieeeeee i love you