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the-monster-under-wonderland · 2 years

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One of my teachers in high school once looked at me and told me to "Stop being so dramatic, life isn't that tragic".

Well, jokes on them. A little over 6 months ago I was pulled out of my senior year of high school (my school let me graduate thankfully, and my GPA ended up being 3.6). I spent a week in the 'stress center' against my will. Then I was shipped off 16 hours away from home to a state I'd never been in to live at a residential treatment center.

While here, I've learned more about my own trauma from my childhood that created all of my anxiety, depression, and attachment/abandonment issues. On top of trying to learn how to live with my newly diagnosed borderline personality disorder. And don't even get me started on all the other drama caused by the other patients that I've been living with for the last half year of my life.

I don't know what I will do with this blog, just like how I don't know what I'm doing with my life now. I might make it a journal of sorts, or it might just become my dumping ground for the half-finished story and art projects, or maybe it will end up being another way for me to avoid my problems by over-investing in fandoms. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

#life is strange #journal #tales from the psychward #tales from the mentally ill #mental illness #residential treatment #oh no I'm fucked up #abandonment issues #borderline personality problems #living with borderline #bpd stuff

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cafeleningrad · 3 years

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☕ horror movies

*rubs hands* We are entering with a big one, aren’t we? (Thanks for asking)

In general I like them. I like stories spooking me out, scaring me a bit. A too general statement for such a wide, versatile movie genre. A mixed bag a genre in general, so many specific subgenres, highs and lows of decades, having a complicated, sometimes legitimately complicated history with harmful tropes but also being a possibility of highly intelligent subversion, limit breaking - which I think can never make it a “mainstream” genre. Which I think is good since horror in genre was always a place to express and wrestle with fears,especially for the less heard voices.

From a technical standpoint I think horror is made for movies. Of course, genres, some more than others, consist of typical proportionally more mediocre entertainment, copycats of big hits, and in low time of the movie industry can detoriate into blunt formulaic bores. However I find it notable how many movies considered “cinema” or “cinematic phenomenons” having pushed forward either iconic characters of cinema history (fictional or real), especially special effects, or creative camera use are located in horror cinema. Atmosphere created by set, music, make-up, acting, lighting (!) and so on, and so can creep in a multifactory scare with so many senses. As I’m a rather visual person, I’m quiet impressed by many cinematographically beautifully composed or striking images.

Oh, and good horror is hard...! Good horror is more than the jump scare of a weirdly costumed or CGI monster. Good horror are movies prying on primal fears, using more or less subtle metaphors of these fears. The actual scary confrontational scene but also the creeping discomfort requires a fine sense for timing. Sam Raimi is exceptionally good at playing with tone.

Sadly, I’ve my squicks and content I can’t stomach, and avoid. Meaning I sadly miss out the most reformatory period of Western horror cinema after he 50s became just cheap, formulaic schlock, whereas it’s reformatory era was subversive and critical, and overall real good cinema. Personally you can locate me more in the corner of psychological, suspense and (dark) comedy horror, ghost stories, gothic romance à la Crimson Peak for the enjoyable longing drama, and hauntingly beautiful and beautifuly haunting cinematography. I discovered the genre quiet late but @incblackbird was primarily responsible for educating me on the matter ;)

Well now, I’ve to be honest, I think horror has questionable tropes which are in need to be addressed. I think, no genre is free of them, and we’ve to keep in mind that some tropes are repeated by convention and not mal-intention (liek certain behaviors in romcoms or crime stories). My biggest per peeves is the sensationalist use of psychwards and psychosis. Whereas commonly patients of these institutions are mostly positioned as victims of bad doctors (stemming in reality because, oh boy, the formation of clinical psychiatry is a not that old dark era in medical history which is still in need to be entirely refurbished and in need to be continuously reformed) they barely is ever receive a voice and are still used for “scary behavior” which I personally think is... not sympathetic, rather continuously dehumanizing. As horror isn’t a main stream genre some tropes do not get as widely discussed as others - and let’s be real some discussion of “bad tropes” are attempted to subverted in the most obvious, unimaginative way leaving no substance. By example, Disney getting criticized for insta love stories in their fair tale movies (imagine questioning cheese in an old Disney movies), then in Frozen spelling out that Anna can’t marry a guy she just met. So now Anna dates the second guy she met but otherwise the story is just subversion of subversion’s sake....

However, I noticed whenever horror is stuck, it gets out of the state of stagnation quicker than other genres as many different voices and creators find a chance to bring their own ideas to the table. Currently, I noticed, the Black reclamation of horror going on in the US, with Jordan Peele as noticable name but also the creativity and charme of “Lovecraft Country” (2020). Fresh takes with new and important perspectives.

At the moment I have the impression of horror cinema having a little renaissance of craft. When movies like “Midsommar” or “Get out” having at least their little toes in the door of mainstream attention, and a string of non formulaic cinema releases like Robert Eggers or the empty Man breaking free from the usual jump scare to fill the seats, the Haunting of... anthology simultaneously scaring and emotionally tossing audiences, receiving positive critical feedback.... I kinda enjoy horror, especially pschological and folk horror a lot these days.

In conclusion: Horror as a genre, now specifically as cinematic genre is a mixed bag. However I think everyone could find something for themselves, be it either for entertainment or subversive storytelling. Also check out horror from all different countries. I guess I don’t have to mention the briliance and range of South-Korean horror, so “Under the Shadow” and “let the right one in” would be my personal recommendation. ;) (Please check out the description and age limit justification for things you might find scary.) (A seasoned horror-fan is perhaps a good advisor when beginning to navigate through the genre to rule out squicks and personal no-gos... It’s a graphic genre.)

send me a ☕️ and a topic and I’ll talk about how i feel about it

#long post #mrs-storm-andrews #Lewis's ask box management #Thank you!!

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foxlolpop · 4 years

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What’s your opinion on psychwards and jail? I know that theres a lot of conflicting opinions on them and ya girls gotta get some opinions for class and I don’t wanna socialize 😂

hi, anon! i understand not wanting to socialize especially in Zoom when the teacher puts you in breakout rooms (god those are awkward. can you see me shuddering at the thought?).

before we get into my opinions, i just want to say i don’t mean to offend anyone and i am terribly sorry if i do. now without further ado, here are my opinions on psych wards (i think mental health hospitals is a better term? idk) and jail:

Mental Health Hospitals

i dont know much about psychiatric wards but i know someone who’s been baker acted a few times. so most of what i do know about them is from what they’ve recounted to me and some research i’ve done here and there in the past.

one of the things i’ve learned is that the movies get it all wrong. they stigmatize and abuse a place where people are sent to get better and sculpt it into a horror show. however, thats not to say its all roses and daises either. there are moments thick with tension, when patients go into psychosis, where harm is caused to patients and staff, and where there might be a suicide attempt. these moments are scary but at the end of the day most patients voluntarily sign in to the hospital because- whether they want or don’t want to be there- they know they need to be. these are people who want to get better but are combating a seemingly impossible battle. these are people with hopes and dreams just like everyone else. most of them feel relief- not anger- about being there.

(my friend whos been baker acted, told me the story of a boy who she got to know at the ward. he was there because he had pulled a knife on his father but she told me he had his reasons. she told me about how he said he wanted to join the military and be better than his father. different. she told me about the little boy’s and so many like his aspirations who wanted to change, “wanted to do something special with their lives, make them have a purpose.” and how they can’t because many people who have been admitted to mental health hospitals are not permitted to serve.)

we also have to take into consideration the shady past of psychiatric wards. the electrotherapy, cages, shackles, and, unfortunately, more. but i think now, the 21st century, is more knowledgeable about the harm those types of treatments (if you can even call them that) caused. they’re mistakes that healthcare workers know not to make. they know now how to treat patients with the compassion that they deserve. while patients can still be abused in psych wards those cases are few and far between nowadays, and hopefully there will come a day when mental health hospitals aren’t defined by them.

from the things that i’ve read, i dont think psychiatric wards are the most pleasant of places. healing is messy and quite the internal challenge so these hospitals are going to have conflicts of their own. i think thats understandable but not everyone has had to heal before, or at least not at that level.

the stigma that the media has built against mental health hospitals is extremely detrimental but the roots from which that tale was planted are real. and so are the patients with scars. and so are the people with dreams we call patients. so i don’t really think its a matter of opinion on this one, just that what we’ve been fed most of our lives is wrong and that nobody has bothered to correct us.

Jail

what i know about jail is what i learned in the fifth unit of my semester long sociology class i took last year. my opinion is also mostly based on the prison system of the US because its what i know... so im sorry if my answer for this one isn’t as detailed (or accurate?) as the one above.

theres a lot of things wrong with jails, prisons. majority of it can be blamed on the tough on crime era, which reformed our laws, criminal punishments, and society’s formal response to “deviance,” (the criminal justice system) as they call it in sociology. this was somewhat on a global scale but mostly prominent in America; the alcohol ban in the 20s and Billy Holiday’s death and arrest are a few examples.

the system we have now doesn’t make things better. this becomes especially apparent if you compare the crime rates- which have been decreasing since the late 1990s- to the imprisonment rates that have actually been at an all time high for several years now. this is due to many reasons like institutionalized racism and retribution, but it largely falls on the shoulders of the return rate of criminals who have already served a sentence. the problem with this lies not only within the deeply engrained prejudices of our society but how the system fails ex-criminals.

we had a discussion in class about this and i remember reading a great article that explained it excellently but i cant find it at the moment. during the discussion we looked at several crime vs. imprisonment rates across the world and we found out that the Netherlands and Sweden had one of the lowest rates. this is because they offer opportunities to get help, they don’t shame ex-criminals, and the government actively inserts itself into the equation and offers solutions.

this is why the tough on crime era was such a flop. they thought that punishment would discourage people from committing crimes so they raised sentences, fines, patrol hours, and undercover missions to sniff out addicts (again Billy Holiday is a great example). but in the end, this increased organized crime and the police were losing once again (this is why the alcohol ban was lifted as well).

another thing to address about jails or prisons are the living conditions. going beyond the food and decor (i mean that sarcastically there is a reason some things are this way), treatment of inmates by staff (Stanford Prison Experiment e.g.) and simply the reported rates of sexual assault that occur in both female and male prisons can be disturbing. not to mention the way the system handles it, almost dismissively, is disconcerting.

so, my opinion of jails is that they are ineffective at stopping crime. in fact, they let it fester and they let it grow. especially if there is no rehabilitation afterwards or during the criminal punishment like the Netherlands offers.

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that was really long, sorry 😅. hope this helped with your class, anon<3 and again i did not intend to offend anyone with this post and i deeply apologize for my ignorance on certain matters

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