#tell me i'm not delusional?? they have the same energy ok | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hermajestyimher · 2 years

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I’m tired of people talking about relationships. I’m tired of beautiful, smart, talented girls let their youth and brain go to waste because they’re thinking of men. I’m tired of my family asking me and telling me to get a boyfriend, even when they’re all miserable in their marriages. Why are they mad I’m an attractive, capable woman who chooses to stay single because my time is valuable?

Men will literally have sex with a warm cantaloupe. It’s not hard getting/keeping/staying with a man. It’s hard to work on yourself. It’s hard to stay single. It’s hard to be celibate and see your value. Today’s society is so backwards - having sex or relationships is ok, but more often than not I feel like it holds back the girlies rather than men. It’s sad.

I want to respect other women’s choices, but some of y’all are letting bald, broke men disrespect y’all. It’s time to elevate ladies. Choosing to be single and withhold pussy is the feminist choice.

I'm just as tired luv. When I started posting here I did it to build a community of women and fem people who wanted better for themselves, to constantly grow and improve as people because for too long our society has been run and controlled by a single demographic and the power imbalance has generated a lot of issues for us.

Instead of finding empowerment in things that have real value in this world such as education, wealth, and a rewarding career/life path, many women would rather spend their time chasing after the most mediocre men they could find, being desperate for an inch of their validation, and now day-dreaming in delusional ways about being dependent on men because work would equal "being in their masculine energy", and going as far as to speak down on the women of the 20th century that marched and fought for the equal rights and opportunities we enjoy today (and continue to fight for).

Seeing how the overachiever woman that can have it all archetype has been tainted by these useful idiots in lieu of these impossible-to-define vague concepts of "feminity" and "feminine energy" has been extremely frustrating. These are the same people that get angry when legislation that affects women is passed, but they don't stop for a second to think about how real change in made to improve our lives as a collective. In their desperation of becoming housewives to live a "soft life", they don't stop to think for a second that we can only attain gains in society by getting an education and reaching high positions of power in different industries. They would rather fall for the trap that right-wingers and religious bigots have set for them to have them dumb, powerless, and dependent on the same people that view them as lesser-than and that constantly abuse us.

Likewise, many women still look down on those of us that ask them to raise their standards when it comes to dating. Pick mes are not as rare as many may think. They see no problem with giving men perks and easy access to them without any sort of commitment. We have glorified baby-mamma culture which is a direct result of hook-up culture. And when some of us speak out against it, they paint us as the "misogynistic" ones. Absolute madness.

Honestly, you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. A lot of these women are going to have to learn the hard way through life that making dumb decisions out of laziness, instant gratification, no self-esteem and lack of critical thinking will pay off in bad ways in the long run, and they will have nobody but themselves to blame for it.

#rant #asks and answers

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incarnateirony · 1 year

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OK, apparently i need to put up a public notice about this.

POLOL discord was made, at first, to escape people screaming cult at us for, you know, the truth. For working on bobo's spiral narrative, for knowing his intentions, for marking down arcana and alchemy use. The people there spoke with the authors and knew what they were doing, like writing the confession at the start of the season, but still got screamed at and called delusional.

One of the key rules in the server is to not wander around whining that you don't understand it all the time while simultaneously refusing to onboard information people took the time and energy to try to give you. Because that's selfish bullshit. People have other things to do with their time and energy than use it on someone that wants temporary pacification, not actual peace and answers.

This is starting to become an issue. Because this fandom can have all its anxiety brainworms it wants, but you've got to understand. I've known the end since I've known the beginning and the arena shape of rough episodes between. Same as I knew S15 confession or original roadhouse ending. It just. It is what it is. It's reality, and it's happening.

So whenever someone insists on coming into my server to doom spiral, you have to understand, from my perspective, you are literally kicking into my livingroom to have a meltdown about the monster in your head, sometimes several times a day, and it literally looks insane to me, because when you know the truth, you can see all these people screaming and shaking and fighting the monster in their head, but then when you try to talk to them to help them with that monster, they only hear the convenient parts they want, move on, then come back with more questions from angles that show they dead ass have not been listening to me.

You wanna figure out what's happening? You gotta admit you suck. That's the first step. Every part of your info gathering process or bias confirmation or what you think Why Not sucks. Get over that first so you stop trying to cling to the preconceptions that made the monster in your head. They suck, stop trying to rehab them, be like elsa and let it go and start over.

I'm not going to spend my time, all these years later, already tolerating people lowkey implying they don't actually believe me, in my own house, for the monsters inside their own head--all these years later, kicking water uphill to argue against the first three bad assumptions you posed your questions on the basis of because you won't let it go. That process sucks, it's why you keep ending up in left field, stop trying to tell yourself you were right or good at this the whole time. You suck and admit you suck and keep moving and learn how not to suck. I hate to break it to you, but this is literally the show plot now.

Yesterday someone exploded because I called them on it, and the server got a mix of messages--half thanking me and apologizing for having to deal with it, other people ~concerned that ~people might leave because ~I'm being too blunt.

Bruh I don't care. It's my space. Don't come into my house and shit on my rug while screaming. If I say, stop shitting on my rug or leave, don't scream back "OH YEAH? IF YOU DONT LET ME SHIT ON THE RUG, I'LL LEAVE", good. Leave until you unpack your shit and are willing to start over. I'm tired of people dragging delusional bullshit inside their own head into my livingroom and spraying their drama and anxiety and doomspirals everywhere then refusing to actually *listen* to what it takes to get rid of the anxiety monster, or expecting me to kick uphill against your own biases you're projecting at shit. Stop.

"I don't get it." Then you don't care. You don't care about me as a person, you don't care about how I communicate, you don't care until it directly influences you in a method of immediate profit on the specifics you personally care about it. And if you don't care, I don't have to care, and I don't have to tolerate you shitting on my rug and breaking the rules.

We gave leniency on those rules because the finale WAS tough to stomach. But you've had two years to process it now and if you're still directing it at others, that's your shit and your shit alone. And again, I hate to break it to you, that, from projection, reflection, and processing your own shit, is in fact THE FUCKING PLOT.

So guys. Respect my space. I don't have to let people into my space. You are not entitled to do what the fuck ever you want in my space or worse TO me as a human being. If only five people were left in the server and I had peace that'd be peak over having 1000 akrida in it shitting up the walls with cockroach poop and doomspiraling and refusing to actually listen or onboard info to stop shitting on the walls.

I know myself. I know the truth. And I have self respect. And I know this drives haters insane that don't have any of these three for themselves. People who just have speculation and theories and years of misinterpretations. They want to do everything they can to destroy that, and it's never worked, and they just get angrier and angrier and further away from the truth. But the end is coming whether they're ready or not. Reality is reality and is going to continue being reality. Wildly. So no. I get to do self care and set basic self respect and exhaustion limits against the most disrespectful people wandering into my space, thinking being Nice(TM) qualifies you to ignore and disrespect people at convenience over literally, definitional delusional bullshit inside your own head. Or use them up for your personal token of comfort over and over without doing what you need on yourself to stop using someone else as a distraction. Stop.

And most of all, buckle up assholes. Cuz if you haven't accepted the truth yet, it's really going to come around the bend for you. And you'll realize, I spoke truth: takes like 2po, destielotp, etc are the definition of delusional agendas and projection; shippers are acting on the definition of irrational fear they're weaving in their own heads and misunderstandings. And that you guys let yourselves be deluded by sociopaths for years, and I do mean years, as even that is about to be part of the plot. Roughly S12-15 primarily with tangible season 10, 8 and other elements (all the way to In The Beginning and Lazarus Rising and old Kripke quotes tbh).

youtube

Everyone better look real hard at Kripke's old genderless quote about Dean's perfect match, figure out the original glitchy promo reels, and realize what's about to go down with Roxxy vs the Queen and all perceptions Dean refuses to look past like you guys there.

Long live the queen. Nobody can stop what's coming for humanity through the hole in the body to make it full. It's time for the final exchange. Got diamonds between my thighs where your Ego will find bliss. Meet me at the corner of Advanced Death, I will always find you here. The One. A goddess with a blade, want some honey, you won't stop running. Our box has a name. You can call him queen bee. Okay ladies, now let's get in formation. Superstar, supernova, talk my shit Casanova, Supernatural love up in the air. Gonna find the queen of all your dreams.

S/he's The Trap, one more step and you're dead. And that's okay, you don't have to figure it out right now dean, you just need to open the space vagina through the narnia closet and let it in. Just take one step, we can stick with the mouth for now. Open the door dean, answer the phone. Your goddess awaits.

#Youtube

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therapy-talk · 3 years

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Not sure what this is. I'm having a lot of thoughts and this probably doesn't capture anything that makes any sense but I do think I have to put it down somewhere and this is. Well.

FUCK what's it about the idea of burning everything down, fucking up good things, that is so tempting. Like. I don't know it's like I have the urge to hurt sometimes, to break friendships

Idk. I was gonna say "maybe it's just this specific friendship and maybe I deluded myself and it was never good or healthy," which, maybe I'm right, maybe it isn't. But I know it's not just this. It's also A, and E, a while back. It's me pulling back, or them pulling back and me not fighting it because... what? I'm not worth it? I'm hurting them anyways and when they finally see it and they're right to act on it?

Again, probably. I don't think I ever learned how to love without (self)destruction. I'm probably too clingy, and dependent. I'm not good at feeling things and/or being alone so I cling and I look to others to idk. Feel things for me? Tell me what to do? To model myself after instead of finding out who I am? Which, god, I must be exhausting to be around. (And still they keep me around. Even if we only talk in group settings anymore, they do keep me around and like. I can't figure out why they would.)

Keep thinking about a while back when our group was talking about the time when E and I first got close just before she joined this friend group, even further back, and they confessed they saw me as "a puppy just following her around and withdrawing from them" and ouch. That hurt because looking back I can see how true that is. That I was so terrified of being alone in classes, or in general, and she was the only one with all the same ones as I had. That I did the same thing with Y in elementary school. Which I probably did with Ace as well before that without realizing.

Idk. Maybe that's why I feel like withdrawing and isolating every once in a while. That I feel like I'm doing it again and that just not having any contact will somehow. Idk. Fix it? Am I hoping they'll come back and realize I'm worth it? That they still like me?

I'm not terrified of being alone as much, now, I think. Maybe that's delusional. Maybe I still am. I do think it's inevitable though. I'll end up alone again and again and maybe mom was right, no one will ever help you and you'll have to do it all alone and take care of yourself. Maybe she meant me in particular instead of like. People in general.

Maybe it's me being so convinced I'm unloveable that withdrawing and telling myself I don't mind is me trying to control the hurt. That in going "ok so I won't initiate conversation anymore," I'm saying "I don't care if they don't want me anymore, because in this way it's my choice to give them the choice and they can't say my behavior pushed them away" which is probably also bullshit in that not putting energy into a friendship probably DOES push them away.

Like. What's the deal with feeling like this? I just want to start a fight. Like a big shouting match "I DON'T CARE AND YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST WALK AWAY" fight. An "I HATE YOU—I'm gonna say the most hurtful things I don't even mean so you'll leave me alone" fight. A "this isn't even fucking about you but I don't know how to deal with all this fucking pain and I'm scared I'll hurt you with it so please just leave before I ruin you" fight. Like that will somehow fix it. Like that will stop me from feeling so fucking empty. I feel so fucking empty and alone. I want something to fucking BREAK. I want something else than this "it should feel good and i should feel loved because I have this close-knit group of friends for 10 years now but I don't, I don't feel it right now they're probably lying they'll be glad once I'm gone" loop that keeps going through my head.

I want to be able to fucking ask for help. To tell them "I don't feel loved right now. I have this fucking pain I'm dealing with that I don't know how to talk about and I need comfort." To tell them "my love language is touch, I think, and no one's giving me big warm bone-crushing hugs anymore."

(Fuck I think that's it fuck fuck fuck)

Maybe I should just get used to that. I know and respect that my uni friend group isn't a huggy friend group, and I should just accept that my other friend group is very huggy but like. That'll vary too. That my parents won't hug me like I'm fucking 5 anymore, because I'm not fucking 5 anymore. That I should grow up and be fine without comforting touch. That maybe I'll find someone along the way to fill this fucking hole.

#this is SO unhealthy i know i know don't even bother #i just. i don't even know what i want. do i want to be completely alone so i'm the only one who can hurt myself?#anyways. my mom's not giving me big hugs anymore for a while now. my friend who sometimes does probably won't anymore #that's me interpreting something she said today wrong probably. that's me being selfish. that's me not knowing context #can't help but feel like she thinks i'm. idk. a creep?#idk hugs never last as long as I wish they would. i always feel like something gets torn out of my chest when people let go before im ready #i can't cling on. i know that. but idk i just want to feel. grounded? held? loved?#so just pushing people away seems easier so then i don't have to worry about this. then there's no one to cling to and hurt #and then they can't hurt me either by pulling away either physically or emotionally #even my cat isn't a cuddly cat and shies away from touch #GOD sorry i feel fucking empty #y'know whispers by halsey? that's fucking it. that's IT #therapy talks #now i gotta be social and watch a film with my mom n sibling when i just want to cry

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blackleopardgirl · 2 years

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</3 I want to be loved so badly.

when we talked to each other it was just so perfect. he was so funny, and he and I had the same energy for most things. he thought I was interesting and said that I always had something interesting to say. but that's only because I was interested in talking to Arlind. I was so honest with him, even from the first day and I dont remember why I told him everything I said but I told him

-about how people always leave me

-how I am shy to be social with people, so thats why I never leave and go out with people and hang out

-about papa and why I don't see my family

-my emotional attachment issues with people

he never once mocked me or was rude, even though I could tell that most of the time, probably In the 90th percentile he didn't understand or get where I was coming from at all. if anything, he told me a lot of compliments. about my personality, things no one has ever told me before. yes the compliments about my appearance were helpful: like being beautiful. he told me that we should go to Tennessee together, he was so sweet even the first day. I want to be loved so badly, I want to love a boy so badly. I want to be in love. but being alone has taught me that no one is my life line.

I want to be with someone, and I want to be friends and lovers with someone. I dont want any games or foolishness I know he won't be perfect, im not perfect and I don't believe that anyone is. I don't think I was in love with him. but I just felt so at peace being with him talking to him. and what we could've been made me so excited and happy.

I have no idea what its like to be loved, to go on dates, just sit with someone and watch tv, anything. be in love, make love, just have another relationship with someone else. do everything with them. go through someone with them. I want that so badly but with someone that's my FRIEND at the core with it first. but i'm going to let him go, because if he isn't ready for anything. that's ok. he was nice enough to tell me the truth. I remember not being ready for anything. I just cant see him online, I can't see him and not want to comment on his stuff or check In on him. I'm leaving old Robbie in the past.

she's now going to focus on herself, and continue walking through life the odd, wandering way that I have before in the past, and the way that I will continue to. she's got so much going for her in the future in the spring and summer. no July sneaky links because my home is MINE and it's going to be my peace and solitude. only people who've been nothing but peaceful to me are allowed in. this doesn't mean I won't ever be sad. doesn't mean I won't have reminiscing or even delusional thoughts of what we could've been, but for now. goodbye. 🦋

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