#the mayonnaise delights me not gonna lie

[merpancake]

SDV feels like it could so easily become a fairy story.

You move to a little coastal town where you begin recovering a plot of land, some of the locals take a shine to you and you to them. It's nice, homey. Everyone is welcoming except for the established town grumps.

Suddenly you realize you never leave town. Everything you want is obtainable at the little mom'n'pop general store, or from some of the locals themselves. You never go into the city to sell goods because the mayor does it for you- right? You never really see him do it. You just lie down in bed and wake up in the morning. When was the last time you dreamed?

You need new shoes and the adventurers club sells you handmade leather boots that fit perfectly despite never asking for a shoe size. Your clothes sew themselves when you lay a bolt of fabric and a random item onto the sewing machine- you blink and it's done.

The general store sells fertilizers that turn your garden plot into a verdant field. You spend all day harvesting crops with tools that gleam silver, gold, purple. Saplings grow over a month into fully productive fruit trees, your beehives drop jars of honey into your hands.

The blacksmith cracks open geodes full of polished gemstones. There's a man in the woods who says he found you in the mines but you were 80 levels deep. The elevator works but the minecarts don't. You gave a diamond to a local girl and she ate it like a plum.

And suddenly everyone is drinking mayonnaise.

#stardew valley #sdv #stardew valley spoilers #stardew valley 1.6 #the mayonnaise delights me not gonna lie #crack open a jar and chug it

[pottedfairies]

Captions below for your reference! The audio file is 5 minutes long just fyi.

Hey, hey! Um, I’m gonna do the accent challenge ‘cause ya asked for it and I kinda begged for it but here we go!

Your name and username. Uh, my name is Rema or Riri (I’m not going to tell you which is my real name eheheh) and my username is pottedfairies 

Where you’re from. Um, I’m from the great land of racist America, sin’t it great? California.

Pronounce the following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, (Unless you’re talking about Route 66, because then that’s the only time it’s route.) Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Pajamas, Caught, Naturally, [Pause] (Now I wanna say it the British way because my mother says it the British way.) Aluminium, GIF, Tumblr, Crackerjack, Doorknob, Envelope, GPOY. (what the heck is a GPOY? I’m-I don’t wanna google that)

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house? You TP a house. I’ve never actually seen a house been TPed but you TP a house.

What is a bubbly carbonated drink called? Soda. Don’t call it pop. That’s a lie.

What do you call gym shoes? Tennis shoes. Which honestly doesn’t make sense but we call it tennis shoes

What do you call your grandparents? [clap hands] I call them Teta and Jedo because that’s Arabic.

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket? A shopping cart? Does not everybody call it a shopping cart? Ok...

What is the thing you change the TV channel with? The TV remote. 

Choose a book and read a passage from it. Oh God, um, [shuffling noises, drawers opening, the noises a procrastinator makes] I clearly came prepared. [Deep inhalation] Clearly. [More shuffling] Ok. We’re in the process of moving so all of the books are packed away, but I kept one. Um, [paper noises] Let’s read--So I have The Girl in the Flammable Skirt by Aimee Bender. It’s a collection of short stories. Um, a professor lent it to me. It’s a really great book. I’m still reading it. Where’s the story...Let’s read “The Healer” on page 121. So I’m just going to read the first 2 or 3 paragraphs: 

“There were two mutant girls in the town: one had a hand made of fire and the other had a hand made of ice. Everyone else's hands were normal. The girls first met in elementary school and were friends for about three weeks. Their parents were delighted; the mothers in particular spent hours on the phone describing over and over the shock of delivery day.

I remember one afternoon, on the playground, the fire girl grabbed hold of the ice girl's hand and-Poof-just like that, each equalized the other. Their hands dissolved into regular flesh-exit mutant, enter normal. The fire girl panicked and let go, finding that her fire reblazed right away, while the ice spun back fast around the other girl's fingers like a cold glass turban. They grasped hands again; again, it worked. Delighted by the neat new trick, I think they even charged money to perform it for a while and made a pretty penny. Audiences loved to watch the two little girls dabbling in the elements with their tiny powerful fists.”

Yeah, Aimee Bender is great. I love Aimee Bender.

Um, where are we...

Do you think you have an accent? A heavy Californian one. Oh my god. Southern California. It has the thickest accent. 

Be a wizard or a vampire? [In a bad British accent] “Yer a Wizard, Harry”

Do you know anyone on Tumblr in real life? Yeah, man. Yeah. Not many but yeah.

End audio post by saying any THREE words you want. Uhhhh. I did not think this through. [awkward exhale and clapping] Jelly Beans are great. Is that three words? I dunno. G’bye.

#WOOT WOOT #im a weirdo #shoutout to the 6 people who asked me to do this challenge lol #captions are really helpful but god this took an hour hhahaha #im sitting in a closet bc the ac is so DAMN LOUD #i did this as soon as i woke up bc then im not as loud and goodness gracious im usually SO LOUD #ANYWAY HAVE FUN LISTENING #personal #ask meme #audio