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bangtan-dreamland · 4 years

Text

the crying closet

Prompt: “I work at this library and for the past couple nights I’ve had to kick you out of the crying closet at closing time. Normally I wouldn’t pry, but do you want to talk about it?”

Pairing: knj x reader

Word Count: 5.2K

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Just some cursing!! okay and maybe the horrendous format and the unimaginative title lmao

Genre: Fluff, a smidge of angst, meet-cute, college!au

AN: A big thank you to our lovely @mygsii for reading and telling me that this is cute and fluffy!!! I will hold on to her words and hope that someone smiles reading this ^^

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

today was nOT your day. or week. or month now that you think about it

usually you have your shit together. there are a lot of reasons to. for one, you’re a scholar student! you’re smart! and hardworking! even if you have your moments of dumbassness you somehow still manage to stay afloat. you never get a grade below 90 and that’s already with the highest your professor giving is 96. It may take you minutes before the deadline bUT you always, ALWAYS manage to pass your stuff! and yeah you may have a procrastination problem but you’re workING on that SO

actually nevermind it’s a miracle you have your shit together most days

which

this month has really tested now that you remember it all

to start, the dreaded group project. the semester just started, and your professors are already giving you students sO MUCH WORK TO DO which okAY fine you’re used to that how would you get your grades if you don’t give them things to grade on

BUT A GROUP PROJECT??? YOU DON’T KNOW EVEN KNOW MOST OF THESE PEOPLE NOT EVEN THEIR NAMES

AND YOUR PROFESSOR WANTED YOU TO WORK WITH THEM

okay, okay you thought you could handle this

nevermind your bad history with group projects people in college are mature right thEY HAVE TO BE RIGHT at least please be mature enough to help in a group project for their own fuCKING grades

wELL JOKES ON YOU

it started off well enough you made a group chat added them in

made introductions

it was awkward but whatever people normally are when they’re new to each other right

BUT

then you start talking about dividing the work and they’re all ‘cOOL YEAH WE KNOW WE GOT IT’

so you’re like ‘oh! okay! I trust you guys then’

BUT THEN DAYS PASS AND YOU FIND OUT

they still

haven’t

even

fucking

started

you’d never considered murder as a viable option to remove stress but you were very much considering it then

especially when they made the most ridiculous excuses

like getting sick (you literally saw her post about gOING TO A LUNCH WITH HER FRIENDS what the fuck even did she not remember you know her account wHAT A BITCH)

or getting swamped with other schoolwork (you saw him on a date with his girlfriend the fuck was he talking about ‘schoolwork’ your ass)

or the worst- his grandma died and he was away on her funeral (you don’t even know how he thought that was a reasonable excuse like literally you see him in cLASS)

so then you had to do the project all by yourself

really considered just telling the professor that you wanted to work alone

bUT NO!!!!

apparently you’re too soft or whatever,,,

plus your professor said you can’t

you think it’s because he knows your classmates will fail if you don’t do their share of the work

but it’s not like you can say that to your teacher or you’d get

wait do colleges have detention they don’t they have strikes right

aNYWAYS

so you did the project alone!!! AND YOU COMPLETED IT!!! amazing!!!!

BUT THE FUCKING KICKER WAS THAT

because of all the stress and sleep you lost over the project

gUESS WHO FLUNKED HER QUIZ

which!!!

okay so it may seem important or anything

but your professor was only giving 3 quizzes this semester

THREE

THAT MADE UP FOR LIKE 40% OF YOUR GRADE FOR WRITTEN OUTPUTS

AND YOU FLUNKED!!! IT!!!!!

just remembering it makes you want to scream honestly

and now!!! that it’s almost exams week!!!!

you were called to the office to say that your scholarship is in trouble!!!!

because apparently the quiz added with other stuff you missed because of all the things you’ve been busy doing hAS LOWERED YOUR POSSIBLE GRADES TO JUST ABOVE THE LINE

that’s already if you acE THE EXAms

if you don’t????

well

goodbye scholarship

lastly

your parents called

...

need there be more explanation

you won’t even go into detail about your string of bad luck experiences

coming to a class late, missing notes from your bag, a missent email, even in your fucking part time job you can’t catch a break something will go wrong and you just

you want to cry just thinking about it really…

you’ve been trying

sO HARD!!!

you’re not exactly the nicest or kindest person sURE

but you don’t think you deserve this

maybe you really are just going through an unlucky streak

right now even though you should be studying for exams you opened your book and started crying 3 minutes in when you couldn’t focus because of how stressed you were

which isn’t good because

college books are fucking expensive

so here you are currently

in your school’s crying closet

which is just a set of stalls that have plushie animals

honestly though not even the plushies are helping you feel better

really you don’t know if anything will

you startle when you hear a male’s voice ring through the intercom

“Attention, to all students still remaining… we’ll be closing the library in around ten minutes, kindly put the books in the carts or check them out.”

wow. was it really eight o’clock already??? had you really spent four hours just crying your heart out???

apparently you did

you listen to the reluctant groans and sighs, students chattering as they all started leaving

anD YOU WOULD TOO you honestly would come out and leave

but god you feel too embarrassed to even take a step outside

you’re just gonna wait until they’re all gone yEP

you close the door veeeery softly, sniffle and rock yourself on your knees

but like

you must have been more tired than you thought

because the next thing you know is there’s someone talking to you and you didn’t notice them AT ALL

“Good evening- you’ve been here a long time. Are you… okay? Wait- shit, sorry, that was insensitive.”

you sniffle because uh duh why else would you be in the crying closet if you were okay

there’s a long period of silence and you wonder if whoever it is went away

when

you hear whoever it is clear their throat before speaking again

“I… see you sometimes come in here,” he reveals and you feel more and more like you just want to lock the door and nEVER come out

“Oh.”

“It isn’t that I’m ridiculing you or something, so don’t even start thinking about that for a moment. Just…” you hear him give a frustrated sigh before he continues speaking, voice softer. “Maybe it’s weird, but… I want to help. You’re here almost every day so I assume you have something heavy in your life going on right now, and… I can’t promise that I’ll be able to empathize with you, but I can listen.” you can hear the wry smile on his face even as he speaks. “And if you’re worried about me knowing your secrets, I will promise you that I don’t even know your name, and we can keep it like that. Though you could probably easily know mine since I’m a stable fixture here. Kim Namjoon.”

“Wow,” you sniffle. “That sounded like it came straight from a novel.”

he laughs. it helps break the tension, you’re pretty happy he took your joke well.

“You’re not the first to say that to me,” he jokes, before his voice turns serious again. “But I’m serious about it, you know.”

you think over your choices. what else did you have? it’s not like you could just keep crying everyday over how stressed you were over the exams, and then get stressed because you couldn’t study because you’re crying

and for some reason you trust this man. which seriously stranger danger but you know that he wouldn’t hurt you that way. for some reason.

and. truthfully. you would appreciate a sympathetic ear at the moment.

so you start speaking

now look

let’s rewind a bit

Namjoon doesn’t usually do this for anyone else

lord knows he’s not as good at calming down crying girls than he is being a librarian

but

it’s almost been a full week

A WEEK

since you started using the crying closet almost exclusively and that won’t do because other students!!! need to use them too!!!!

and if it were any other utilities there’d be a riot

but

the crying closet has multiple stalls and the students who use them are sympathetic to each other

because if you use the closet you’ve really got to have it bad

and you’ve been using this particular stall for like a week straight now even if no one’s exactly seen who you are they all still feel bad for you

which Namjoon is really curious about

since

he knows you

well

not in a personal “we’re friends” or even “we’re acquaintances and we talk sometimes”

he means like he sees you a lot in the library

you’re always walking in with the most determined aura he’s seen!

like you’re on the way to write up an essay on how to destroy people

or something like that

you always seem so put together that Namjoon

maybe

admires you a little more than he should

but you always seem like you’re too busy to give anyone your time and he never has any time either

being a librarian isn’t just standing and reading books behind the counter like it is in novels okay

not to mention the size of the library he manages

LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN THE AMOUNT OF BOOKSHELVES THERE ARE

not to mention tHE AMOUNT OF STUDENTS THAT USE THE LIBRARY

no he doesn’t just do them all by himself but s t i l l

wait he’s getting off point

so he’s never talked to you

he doesn’t think you even know he exists beside being librarian A

BUT he remembers a lot of little things about you

like the way you like to fiddle with your hair when you’re thinking

or when you take one too many books that he doesn’t think you actually need for your class just for entertainment value

but then you never read it and just return it

or the way you always go to what he has deemed ‘your spot’ by now

perfect spot hidden by the corners where there’s enough light but at the same time hidden away by the bookshelves so there’s privacy

there’s also the other little things you do he notices

the way you’re always on your laptop or phone for one, typing or doing something probably important (the truth is that you’re either on your social media or reading fanfiction but he doesn’t learn that until later on)

or- if you find reading something boring or dry you slouch a little, until your chin is resting on the table and your arms are outstretched and you’re halfway stretching on the table yourself with the cUTEST LITTLE POUT ON YOUR MOUTH AND A FURROW ON YOUR FACE that honestly he’d like to kiss away-

ahem

anyway

the point is that he likes you but you never seem like you’re interested in anything other than your books

he’s never even seen anyone come up and talk to you

it’s like you have this wall that keeps you away from everyone else!!!

so the fact that you ever even went to a crying stall is a big surprise for him

and he would have approached you the first night but you already snapped at someone for asking after you and he doesn’t want to get your wRATH

… but

it’s been almost a week and the stalls really are in hot demand

he’s decided he has to talk to you tonight

maybe he’ll get lucky and you’ll confide in him and he can strike a friendship with you!!!

or at least just talk with you

when he remembers that Namjoon steels his courage

and

when he sees you head straight for your stall again early afternoon

he gives himself one final chance

but then

it’s closing time and you still aren’t out

oh god what if you fell asleep inside he has to lock the library he’d be locking you iN THE LIBRARY

so he can do this

he knocks gently on the door

for a long time

so you understand he’s not going away

he doesn’t just want to start speaking to you out of nowhere he god you’d probably feel like strangling him

no answer

bUT he does hear someone shift and the sniffles stop (which have been a bit loud considering the two of you are the only ones left in the library)

he coughs and starts speaking

wait what does he say he can’t just tell you he wants out of the stall

“Good evening- you’ve been here a long time now. Are you… okay? Wait- shit, sorry, that was insensitive.”

wow nice way to go Joon you kILLED IT

in a bad, messy, horRENDOUS WAY

so he starts to tell you about why he came over

and

honestly

while he hadn’t come talk to you for anything other than coaxing you out of the stall

he’s surprised to find you’re pretty cute, if not a bit blunt

and really stressed which is a given

he didn’t think you would honestly he thought you’d be sharp and snide to him

but

as it turns out, you’ve just had a really bad two weeks

he can’t help but feel for you because he can relate to everything you’ve been going through

he won’t go into detail but doing a thesis on your own alongside keeping high grades fucking sucks and it doesn’t help that he’s a perfectionist

but back to you

the two of you have spent about what seems to be half an hour now

twenty minutes in you finished telling him about your recent problems

(“I kind of want to just self-explode or something. maybe throw myself out a window.”)

(“I don’t think that’s going to solve your problems, just create more of them.”)

(“THANK you for pointing that out Namjoon isn’t it funny I actually believed that would work for me.”)

anyway afterwards you fell silent and he really didn’t want to push you

but then he hears you sniffle again

“Aren’t you going to tell me off?”

“What for?”

he hears you huff, and it’s easy to imagine the pout on your face he really does want to kiss it away more than ever now

“Well,” you start, before pausing. “I mean when I think about it it isn’t really that bad, right? Everyone goes through something like this. Group projects and all that bad luck. I’ve just been having a little bit more, but. I’m already falling apart.”

he frowns, even more when he hears you scoff at yourself.

“Don’t say that,” he chides you. “It’s not about if it’s that bad compared to other people. It doesn’t affect them. It affects you. If you feel bad about it and you want to cry, it isn’t anyone’s business but yours. Besides. This is that bad, because this- these problems you’re going through threaten things important to you.”

… did he say the right thing because hE CAN HEAR YOU CRYING AGAIN SHIT-

for a few moments he hears you crying, though he can sense you slowly get yourself together as your sniffles die down

then he hears the door creak open slowly and his heart goes to his chest.

he sees you tearily look up at him, your eyes red and raw from crying.

you hastily look down, self-conscious about the fact that really yOU’RE A MESS

your hair is a mess your clothes are a mess yoUR DAMN FACE IS A MESS

why did you just open the door oh god

for a moment you just keep your eyes on the ground before you hastily try to fix your appearance

“Um,” you start, timid. “Thank you for hearing me out. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” he tells you, before smiling a little. “Okay, I had to at first but then I wanted to.”

as he says this you see him patiently offer you a hand. you blush.

“I don’t think you need to walk me to the library entrance,” you mumble, but you take his hand anyway.

“I,” he pauses. “You said you’ve been stressed out, between studying at the library and studying at home so… I want to bring you someplace else.”

“Only if it’s okay with you, of course,” he amends quickly. “And by someplace else I just mean the park.”

you look at him surprised, but then hesitantly start walking with him. “Okay,” you acquiesce because really you’ll take anything just to be able to feel relief again. not to mention there are cameras all along the way plus one of those small police stations near the park, which you remember is also still a hot place for dates

… right? right

the two of you walk out of the library- Namjoon already did all the things he’s supposed to do before closing up, leaving confronting you for last which turns out to be a good thing

he hands you a bottle of water too- which really helps clear your headache

gOD CRYING SUCKS HELL also you should remember to bring water if you ever go into a crying fit

you’re going off into a tangent but seeing as you start feeling better already you deem the tangent important and remind yourself to note it down later

anyway as Namjoon tells you he leads you to the park near your university.

though truthfully told it’s not… exactly a park. parks mean grass and trees and wide open space

but the city officials went for cEMENT AND FAKE LIGHT UP FLOWErs and building it by a bridge going down to near the river

the only sAVING thing about the park is that the trees are real and there are plenty of seats

aLSO there’s the fact that when it’s nighttime the flowers look kinda pretty

alongside the artifical waterfall they built.

anyways the two of you arrive there- surprisingly enough there are still a few people left

you thought you’d only feel tired if you came here

but surprisingly the fresh air and the cold night is helping you feel better

just a little

and then Namjoon tugs you over- he talks to one of the vendors still selling

it doesn’t take longer than a minute for him to get the two of you soup, specifically pares

you take a sip- not only is it just the right temperature bUT IT’S ALSO FUCKING DELICIOUS

another thing you’ve forgotten while crying- you’re really hungry

“I’m glad to see you’re smiling again,” Namjoon comments and ahahahah the soup is really hot isn’t it your cheeks are too warm right now

you nOISILY eat your food because otherWISE YOU’D HAVE TO TALK and damn it why is it that he even approached you

oh right you were hogging the damn stall

“I come here often during this time to relax, when there’s not much people around,” he tells you suddenly. you raise an eyebrow at him because why tell you that? you’re not that close and it sounds like a little thing he likes to keep to himself

“It’s the closest I can get to quiet amidst nature,” he continues. “It helps that there’s a river.”

he points at it- the river is pretty at this time of the night, with the sparkling lights reflected on it.

“When I get stressed I usually take a rock lying around, pretend it’s one of my problems, then throw it. Maybe skip it across the river.”

“And does it help?” you ask. Namjoon hums.

“For me it does. I know it doesn’t work for everyone… but I want you to try anyway. Maybe it will work for you too.”

at this point the two of you have finished your meals. although with you you’ve finished three servings. wHAT, you’re hungry okay??

anyway Namjoon leads you to the edge of the river- you’d be wary in any other situation but for one the two of you are still in the very visible sight of other people PLUS Namjoon hasn’t done anything bad to you so far and has been very kind and you trust him a little

he picks up a stone- you copy him, and then he just. quietly (okay there’s a hint of real frustration under it but if you aren’t yelling to get your problems off your chest is it even anything sO) throws the stone.

or so you think

because that damn stone skips all the way to the other side of the river which mind you is a huge thing because the river is aBOUT FIFTY METERS WIDE.

you look at the stone disappearing in the distance with huge, disbelieving eyes, then back to namjoon- who’s grinning silly at your expression and just.

“How,” you squint.

he giggles. you pout. look at the stone in your hands.

“I’m going to fucking make it.”

your first try: it sinks straight into the water. you say nothing bECAUSE IT’S THE FIRST ONE

then the second

third

fourth

fifth

you’re at what has to be either your ninth or tenth stone- at this point your record has to be 3 bounces aND STILL SO FAR from the damn edge you aren’t even halfway!!!

you pout, long and hard- Namjoon by your side has to bite his lips to keep himself from grinning way too wide. you’re really too cute. he doesn’t know how he ever thought you were intimidating!!

“Namjoon,” you almost whine but you don’t!!! you don’t whine at all and there’s nothing to whine about in your current situation!!! “How the fuck do you skip it across?”

“Practice, mostly,” he tells you. “That and I throw it as hard as I can- wait.”

Namjoon walks closer- you tense up when you fEEL HIM RIGHT BEHIND YOU oh god cute guy toO CLOSE

but Namjoon does nothing- asks “may I?” and you nod

“Pose like you’re going to throw the stone,” he tells you calmly. liar. you can’t hear it but Namjoon’s heart is beating like c r a z y you’re so close he could tilt his head downwards and he’d be burying his head in your hair and smell your shampoo!!

which smells really nice bUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT

you tilt back a little- stretch your arm back- okay, so mAYBE your arm is trembling a little you’re vERY VERY NERVOUS OKAY

but then

you feel Namjoon gently touch your arm- correcting your posture until

well

you actually can’t think that much

beside, you know

NAMJOON’S HANDS ON YOUR ARMS

more than that he adjusts your whole stance with his hand and oH GOD THE LIGHT TOUCHES ON YOUR BODY HOW IS THAT FAIR

thirsting!!! after other people!!!! is much easier when they don’t pull this shit!!!!!! thirsting is safer from a distance!!!

“You can throw it now.”

oh god you’re thirsting over Kim Namjoon

KIM NAMJOON THIS NERDY LIBRARIAN

“Y/N?”

uahsjdkasda

why did your brain make you realize that at this moment goOD GOD

you jUMP when you feel someone’s hand on your shoulder- oh wait it’s Namjoon

“You can throw the stone now,” he repeats, a grin on his face aND OKAY DUMB MOMENT

you internally scream in your head but outwardly you nod, immediately just throw the stone as hard as you can bECAUSE YOU CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST BLANKED OUT ON HIM

did he see you blush oh god you’d never live it down

here comes surprise number two

you should’ve listened to Namjoon’s instructions fully because

you may have thrown the stone but

you didn’t throw the stone towards and across the river

yOU THREW IT IN THE RIVER

guess what happens if you just throw a stone tilted downwards

if you guessed splash ring ding ding yOU WERE RIGHT

here you are

your clothes mildly wet

just the front

bUT STILL

if there was an option for the ground to swallow you right now you’d go for it hONESTLY

instead you drop to your knees and let out a long loud groan becAUSE YOU JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH LIFE OKAY

“That was so bad I don’t even know what to say,” you bemoan.

you hear him stifle a giggle, you pout again.

BUT THEN

you feel something warm and soft on your shoulder, then wrapped around you-

you look up aND SEE NAMJOON GAVE YOU HIS SWEATER WHAT EVEN-

“You can’t go home in wet clothes,” he explains, dimpled smile- holy shit he has dimples you never noticed that but wow they’re adorable!!!! “Though there isn’t exactly a place to change around here, but… the jacket will help shield you and your clothes from the cold.”

you sigh

okay yeah this evening has been down and then up and then down

“Let’s get you home,” he tells you, before pausing a little. “I, um- do you mind if I walk you to your car?”

you hesitate- but then acquiesce. “Okay,” you tell him.

walking back to your car- you’re surprised to find it’s ten o’clock already

had the two of you been at the park that long???

the passing cold air makes your hands a bit numb- the sweater is bIG on you but you rolled the sleeves up to your wrist at least because you cAN’T OPEN THE DOOR OR DRIVE IF THEY’RE COVERED CAN YOU

anyway you probably should’ve done that when you’re inside the car not walking to it yet

you decide to tough it out anyway it’s just a few minutes walk

you fiddle with your hair- your hands are itching to move but the silence is so damn awkward and your hands are cold too-

but

“May I?” Namjoon asks- you look at him, raise an eyebrow because what for? but he just looks at your hand- oh

you shrug and try not to show you’re blushing

Namjoon’s hand is- well, you’d like to say it’s warm. but it’s not. it isn’t like he’d been wearing gloves or anything, so both your hands are cold and a little clammy when you clasp hands together.

but the way it fucking makes your heart jump?

yeah

honestly you’d like to wax poetry about the moment right now- walking hand in hand!!! with this guy you may or may not find really cute and hot!!!! in the middle of the night!!!!!!

but let’s be real head empty no thoughts

except the way your heart beats one, two, a little too fast

arriving to your car suddenly feels all too soon

you don’t release your hands yet when you stop

it’s only when you’re about to get in that you reluctantly let your hands fall apart from each other

suddenly you miss his hands at least they were a little warm around the end (and okay it made you feel aLL WARM INSIDE too but shush)

“Have a safe trip home,” he tells you. you offer him a small smile.

“I will! Sorry for- um, earlier. And thank you. You didn’t have to,” you tell him, but he only smiles back at your words.

“I told you, I wanted to.”

you nod- suddenly scrambling for words. You didn’t want to go home yet, but.

“If you ever want to destress you can go back to the river.”

you blink.

“Are you sure? Isn’t that kind of like your special place?”

he really has the cutest dimples bUT wow he’s also hot as fuck, especially with what you dare hope to be a fliRTY SMILE.

“I don’t mind sharing it if it’s you I’m sharing with.”

oof

“Okay! Goodnight Namjoon! See you tomorrow!!”

your face is bright r e d

hightail it out of there fast

you can see him still grinning widely in the rear mirror and hnghhhh why are you also smiling so widely sheesh

the ride back is quiet

it’s only when you get home that you realize one thing though-

you’re still wearing his sweater

you foRGOT TO GIVE IT BACK

oh my god you also forgot he paid for your food yOU WERE SO OUT OF IT YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE

you facepalm

wait you shouldn’t give the sweater back if it’s wet you have to wash it first

okay okay

you decide to bring him coffee tomorrow Namjoon seems like the type of person to drink coffee

(also it’s a good way to start a conversation with him bUT THAT’S ONLY A WHAT IF AND NOT YOUR MAIN GOAL OKAY)

okay!!!

you take a shower first, change your clothes, then decide to wash the sweater-

when

you see a small piece of paper fall out

‘if you need help with the exams, I’m free for tutoring in the morning from 10 a.m.. you can repay me by buying me food at the park after - kim namjoon’

you look at the other side

‘also, here’s my number in case you need it’

you stare at the string of numbers next to it-

that smooth motherfucker

‘I hope you know how to teach advanced calculus, because otherwise I’m not buying you food’

it doesn’t even take a full minute for the reply to come through

‘I’ll see you tomorrow at ten then for our date’

'*study date'

'though I suppose we can do the first too after exams if you're okay with it'

okay, so maybe this month is not quite yet the worst

and if things go right? maybe the next few months will be your best yet

#bangtanscenery #btswritersnet #bangtanhq #bts x reader #kim namjoon x reader #namjoon x reader #bts fic #bts imagines #bts scenarios

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carmenlire · 5 years

Text

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 42

read chapter one

read on ao3

The blinking cursor seems to be taunting him and Magnus doesn’t know how much more he can take before he throws the whole damned laptop off his balcony.

Dot had sent over his latest draft-- always so full of red pen-- but Magnus was ignoring the technicalities for the moment. September was officially in full swing and the next few weeks were dedicated to finishing the last hundred or so pages that would tie everything together. Magnus could pontificate all he wanted about how imperialism had fucked up so many colonies during WWI until he was blue in the face but none of it meant anything if he couldn’t also discuss the long ranging effects on the lands and people that were still being felt today in the twenty first century.

All things considered, his book was coming along swimmingly. Maybe the smoothest it’s ever gone, Magnus reflects with a wry grimace. But still, writing was never easy and he was wading through a mountain of information and condensing it for the everyday reader who didn’t have an academic interest in the topic, who probably just held an idle curiosity when they picked up his book from the history section of their local bookstore.

Deciding to take a break, Magnus stands, rolling his shoulders as he grabs the glass of wine he’d been enjoying while staring at a paragraph discussing the similarities between Zimbabwe and India that seemed unaccountably wordy.

He leaves his office, draining the rest of the wine with a sigh. He’d left his phone on the kitchen counter and as he picks it up, he smiles at the text that’s waiting for him.

Hope you’re having a good evening, babe. I miss you:(

Setting his glass down, Magnus takes a minute to reply to Alec. He feels warmth in his veins and it’s a familiar sensation, even if it does seem absurd.

I figured that if I wasn’t going to be seeing your pretty face, I’d get some work done. My book is becoming a pain in my ass, Alexander.

I miss you too-- How’s recording coming along?

Tucking his phone into his pocket, Magnus goes to refill his glass with the pinot he’d had with dinner, thinking about the past few weeks as he does.

Both he and Alec were busy as hell and a little stressed with it. The fall semester had started and with it, Magnus’s workload had increased immeasurably. Summers were notoriously slow and so the fall was always completely ridiculous. Magnus was only teaching two classes this semester-- an intro to modern Europe and a senior thesis course that he taught each semester-- but as students flocked back to campus, the department was inundated with stressed freshmen and panicked seniors. He had a handful of students he was mentoring this year during their Masters or Doctoral programs and there were two new professors who needed shown around and settled in.

Add his writing-- the book and a lengthy article he was a contributing author on-- and Magnus was in his element, albeit a little more aware of just how much was on his plate than he’d been before.

He blames Alec for that.

Before, Magnus had been able to lose himself in academia and its rigors. He’d loved every second of it even if he did want to tear his hair out and dreamed of nothing so fondly as running away and opening a bar on some far flung Caribbean island.

He still loves it but he's only managed to see Alec once in almost a week, so busy that it felt like he was running around like his ass was on fire. Alec’s schedule didn't help anything either, as he’s also inordinately busy.

Magnus is faintly concerned that Alec hasn’t left the studio in days. Every time they talk, Alec is just leaving the recording booth or getting ready to lay down another set of vocals. The past few weeks, he’s been at the studio all hours, working late into the night. They’d spent a few nights together last week and Alec was a dervish, writing and listening to demos and running a hand through his already disheveled hair.

With a small smile, Magnus wonders that it’s a good thing Alec’s birthday is next weekend. They could both use a day or two to forget about work.

Ah, but who is he kidding. Magnus shakes his head a little, exasperated with himself. He loves this, too. They check in when they have a free moment and they’d grabbed a harried lunch off campus late yesterday afternoon. It’d been twenty minutes of them inhaling burgers and catching up before Magnus had ran off to meet with his strategic planning committee and Alec had hurried off to a photoshoot.

They’d both leaned in for a quick kiss, only for it to devolve into something entirely inappropriate and edging on desperate before they remembered themselves.

It’s nice, this. Magnus has never been in a relationship that was so easy before, even when both parties were consumed with other responsibilities. He’s had partners who’d broken things off because when Magnus was under deadline, when work consumed him and he lost himself in the daily tasks that accumulated so fast in his position, they couldn’t handle it and resentment swelled. They always wanted Magnus to pick them, to cast aside his work and that was something that Magnus would never do. The very thought was abhorrent.

With Alec, however, there’s mutual understanding and exasperated amusement. They steal little pockets of time when they can and sometimes it’s enough just to collapse into bed together and sleep wrapped around each other before dashing out of bed the next morning to face another day.

Magnus is just set to head back to his study and finish his self-imposed goal-- another thousand words before he can call it a night-- when his phone’s vibrating. It’s after nine, too late for anyone to be calling, really, but when he takes out his phone an instant grin lights up his face.

He answers with a quick swipe before bringing the phone up to his ear.

“Alexander,” he greets warmly, resolutely putting off work for a few more minutes. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I just missed your voice, is all,” Alec says gruffly as something plays in the background. Magnus can’t help but wonder if it’s something from his upcoming album, curiosity killing him while he tries not to ask.

“You just saw me yesterday,” he teases lightly as he settles into one of the chairs in the living room, turning his wine glass absently as he loses himself in a few minutes with Alec.

“Yeah, well, that’s not today, is it?”

Laughing a little Magnus just shakes his head, amused at them both.

The sun sets as they talk, shadows dancing at the edge of the room. Magnus doesn’t notice the time going by until he hears someone yell in Alec’s background.

His lips turn up, tired now that he’s had a little while to decompress with Alec. “Duty calls?”

Alec sighs heavily and Magnus can just imagine his boyfriend running a hand through his hair, annoyed. “Yeah, we want to finish this song before we call it a night. I’ll see you soon?”

Raising a brow as he thinks over his schedule, Magnus offers, “I’m free tomorrow night after eight? I have class until then but we could grab a late dinner?”

“Sounds great, babe-- You could spend the night at mine after?”

“You read my mind, darling. I’ll see you then,” Magnus agrees and then they’re ending the call with last minute goodbyes.

As he hangs up, Magnus plays over the last few minutes. There’d been an odd pause on Alec’s side of things before they’d ended the call and he briefly wonders what it was about before dismissing it.

Maybe he’d ask Alec about it later, he thinks with a shrug.

Looking down at his watch, Magnus groans and tilts his head up to stare at the ceiling. At the rate he’s going, he won’t be in bed until dawn.

Sighing, Magnus stands and resolutely heads back to his study.

His book won’t write itself, after all.

The September sunshine spills through his office window as Magnus grades quizzes from his Intro class. His windows are open and he can hear the sound of students milling about on campus, even from the fourth floor. It’s perfectly mundane and as Magnus marks yet another question wrong on this particular quiz, he’s perfectly content.

The radio is playing low from his laptop and the rest of his afternoon rolls out as he plans to finish grading sixty multiple choice quizzes and entering them into Blackboard before going downstairs for his senior seminar.

His attention fractures, though, as he hears Alec’s name from the radio DJ.

“Hey everybody, welcome to the top of the hour. This is Deluca from Q92 and we have a special treat in store for our listeners this afternoon. Everyone’s seen Alec Lightwood’s Instagram recently-- he’s been posting pictures and teasers from the studio and rumours have been circulating that he’s going to drop his next album soon without notice. While we can’t attest to that, we do have exclusive access to the next best thing. Here’s Lightwood’s brand new single, Feel Something, reportedly the title track for Album number seven.”

Deluca laughs before offering one last teaser. “I, for one, can’t help but think that Alec must be getting some inspiration from that new boyfriend of his, the professor.”

Abandoning his work, Magnus’s total focus is on the music that’s started and he listens with rapt attention. It’s a little different to Alec’s usual stuff but he’s immediately enamored over the muted tones, the thoughtful, almost meandering tempo before he’s swept up in the chorus.

The words wrap around him and he bites his lip, thoughts racing. His own heart aches at the emotion in Alec’s voice and it feels like he’s pleading, full of hope.

It’s strikingly similar to how Magnus has felt the past few months.

The song ends and Magnus turns the radio off, instead opening Spotify and searching for Alec’s profile. The single is already available and so Magnus selects it impatiently before clicking on the repeat button.

He listens to the song a handful of times, losing himself in the lyrics and music and what he hopes to God is the intention behind it before running a hand through his hair and blowing out a heavy breath.

He doesn’t know what it means-- if it means anything at all. Deciding to ask Alec about it tonight, Magnus puts all the questions out of his head as he turns back to the pile of quizzes that need handed back tomorrow.

He keeps the song playing in the background, relaxing in his chair and smiling faintly as he draws a red line over another wrong answer.

The smile is wiped from his face a couple of hours later as he picks up his mail from the department secretary and sees a letter from Otisville.

He can’t help the dread that starts gnawing in the pit of his stomach as he carelessly tosses the rest of the bundle onto his desk, holding the thin letter from Upstate New York with tense hands.

Sitting heavily into his chair, Magnus debates for several minutes before sighing and reaching for his letter opener. Sliding the single page out of its envelope, Magnus unfolds the piece of paper and starts reading against his better judgement.

My darling son,

It has been a while, hasn’t it? You didn’t come to my parole hearing a few months ago and I have to admit, I was disappointed. I had hoped to lay eyes on you again, for the first time in years.

How are you doing, Magnus? You don’t write, you don’t call. You certainly don’t visit. I sometimes feel like I don’t have a son at all but then I am swamped in memories of your childhood, before everything went so terribly wrong.

I listen avidly for any news from the outside. You’re a professor now, I hear, and an excellent one at that.

I’ve read all your books. They’re quite good even if I wasn’t overly interested in the topics discussed.

But your life is so much more than just your job, is it not?

I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re in a relationship now. But not with just anyone, isn’t that right? You managed to snag one Alec Lightwood and for that I couldn’t be more proud.

I’m impressed, Magnus, even if I am a little surprised. I didn’t think you had it in you but here you are, following in the old man’s footsteps.

I couldn’t be more proud.

Tell me, what are your plans? If I may, I’d like to offer a few tips, tricks of the trade I learned along the way that might help you.

Above all, it’s imperative that you act demure. Don’t always make the first move. It’s important that you not rush him-- or at least make Lightwood think that he’s in charge of the pace. That way, before he quite knows what’s hit him, you’ll have maneuvered him exactly where you want him.

However, I’d advise you to say I love you first, if you haven’t already. Emotions are weakness son, so pitifully human, and people fall for soft words and sentiment faster than you’d believe possible.

I can only imagine that you have grand plans for marriage and so I must add this final point: Marry him as soon as you can and do not-- absolutely do not-- sign any sort of prenup or legally binding document. While I’m sure Alec’s a nice enough boy, this is not a love match, after all, and you certainly have nothing to prove.

A year should be sufficient before filing for divorce. I have a few lawyers you can call when the time comes and they’ll squeeze Lightwood for every penny he’s worth.

The truth is, I’m hurt that you didn’t come to me with your plans. I am an expert, after all, and your father. I only hope that now that I’ve bridged the distance between us, you will not hesitate to reach out as well.

I’ve missed you, my darling boy. I’ve been an outsider looking into your life for far too long.

I look forward to your call-- or letter, or perhaps even a visit.

Otisville is only two hours from the city, after all.

Love,

Asmodeus

P.S. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that my sentence was commuted. I will be released in eight years, not the thirty plus I was originally saddled with. I’m very much looking forward to seeing the outside world again, and most importantly, my only son.

Magnus feels resentment and overwhelming bitterness rise in his throat at his father’s words, so cool and cold. Really, he wonders, what could he have expected. Asmodeus could smell an opportunity a mile away and he did so love keeping a thumb on the pulse of the outside world.

It’s just like his father to assume that Magnus couldn’t possibly have feelings for Alec, that he was just playing the long game.

And don’t get him started on the postscript. He’s angry at the panel who allowed Asmodeus’s sentence to be shortened. He’s angry at his father for slithering back into his life with a letter that’s as insidious as it is unwanted.

He’s angry at himself for wishing, even for a moment, that he could have his father back, that they could go back to the way things were before his world fell apart over a decade ago.

Angrily refolding the letter, Magnus shoves it back into the envelope before grabbing his folder for his evening class and dashing out the door.

He doesn’t have time for this, for his father’s vile nonsense.

He’s built quite a nice life without his help or presence and he has no plans to backtrack now.

Magnus lets himself be pulled into Alec’s apartment with a laugh. He finds himself pinned against the hastily shut door and looks up at Alec with amused eyes.

He feels better than he has since he read that damned letter earlier in the day, Alec warm and distracting and just what he needed to mostly throw off this bad mood that had clung to him since he checked his mail all those hours ago.

Dinner had been lovely as always with the two of them enjoying a leisurely meal in a Chinese restaurant that Magnus had been dying to try for months but whose wait list was a mile long.

He has to admit that Alec does have some lovely tricks up his sleeve.

Relaxing against the door, Magnus merely raises an expectant brow as Alec studies him without saying anything. He’s just set to ask if there’s something on his face when Alec speaks.

“What’s wrong,” his boyfriend asks, apropos of nothing.

Magnus’s tone is arch as he replies and he tries to ignore the undercurrent of defensiveness that clings to the words. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Alec dryly explains, “That you were your usual charming self during dinner and I’d go so far as to say we both had a good time. However, I could tell something’s wrong and now I’m asking you about it.”

Breath catching as Alec brings a hand up and sweeps a thumb over his jaw, Magnus lets his eyes close as he feels Alec lean in before nosing along his cheek.

“I’d like to think that I’m getting to know you pretty well. I know when something is bothering you.”

Magnus sighs before opening his eyes just to see Alec considering him with a steady gaze, patient and open.

Swallowing hard against the words that don’t quite want to escape, he manages to smile just a little.

“And I thought that I was hiding it so well,” he mutters to himself before resting his hands on Alec’s back, bringing him a little closer.

Alec huffs out a laugh. “It took me until the appetizer was almost gone to realize,” he admits. “But once I did, it was pretty obvious that something was going on in that brain of yours.”

He doesn’t say anything else, lets Magnus take his time to fill the expectant silence and he has a moment to wonder if Alec wouldn’t have made a great soldier, ducking and weaving and lambasting through the most stalwart of defenses.

He’s grateful for Alec’s patience, even if he’s well aware that he’s not getting out of this without telling Alec the shit he had to deal with today.

“Well, I had nine students fail a quiz that was multiple choice and open book today,” he offers, smiling a little as Alec rolls his eyes.

“That does suck,” Alec agrees. “But that’s not all.”

“I put a dollar in a vending machine on campus this morning and it did that stupid thing vending machines do where you almost get your snack before it stops turning and it's some sort of sugar purgatory where you can just glare through the glass as though you can will your snack to fall down.”

Alec laughs but still shakes his head. “That’s still not it,” he insists softly.

Magnus glares at Alec with little heat as he finally relents. His hands sweep under Alec’s shirt to land on warm skin and it grounds him for a brief moment before he’s sighing and straightening from the door. Taking Alec’s hand in his, he doesn’t say anything as he guides them to the balcony that runs the length of Alec’s apartment. The two of them settle outside in the warm evening air and look out over the city, settling on a couch.

Magnus lays an arm over Alec’s shoulders and his boyfriend doesn’t hesitate before crowding a little closer and resting a hand on Magnus’s thigh.

It helps being outside, out of the silence that was growing a little oppressive. The background hum of a city that never sleeps helps ease some of his doubt.

He’s mostly over it, is mostly secure that Alec won’t run for the hills, that this won’t be the final straw and he’ll decide that Magnus really is too much effort.

But still, the unease is there, niggling just enough to ache.

Taking a breath, Magnus says, “I had a letter waiting for me in my mailbox this afternoon from Otisville Prison Upstate. From my father,” he tacks on at the end so that there’s no confusion about just why he’s in such a mood.

Alec doesn’t say anything for a minute and Magnus feels the thumb sweeping over his thigh like lead.

“And what did he have to say,” Alec asks.

Magnus looks up and tries to decipher Alec’s expression to no avail. There’s no judgement, no condemnation. Alec’s just studying him with warm curiosity, acting for all the world as though he has no worries.

Magnus laughs caustically. “He said a great many things, most of which I’m loathe to repeat. However, if I want this thing between us to work, I should probably be up front.”

Alec arches a brow before turning to look in front of him, over the landscape. It helps, not to be the total focus of Alec’s intense attention.

“He told me that I ought to snap you up so fast that it would make your head spin.” Shaking his head, he continues, “He told me not to do anything that would interfere in taking at least half your fortune and he assured me that he could connect me with a fabulous divorce lawyer after I put in my due time.”

“How long is our supposed marriage to last,” ALec asks idly.

Magnus scoffs. “A year.”

Looking over at Alec, Magnus is a little surprised to see him smiling as though amused.

“Darling?”

Laughing a little, Alec just offers a half assed shrug. “What?”

“You’re not upset,” he asks hesitantly.

It’s Alec’s turn to scoff as he nudges Magnus with his shoulder. “Of course I’m not upset. Why the hell would I be when we’ve established that your dad isn’t the best guy around. This seems pretty in keeping with his character, if we’re being honest.”

“Still,” Magnus can’t help but prod, unsure at the easy acceptance he reads in Alec’s eyes, in his posture. “I’d think most people would be angry, maybe a little hurt, at the idea that I’m nothing but a gold digger.”

Alec shrugs again. “I’d hope that we’ve established that I’m not most people by now and in any case, what your father says has nothing to do with you. You told me and it’s obviously bothering you. I hope you’re not feeling guilty or whatever the shit.”

Magnus opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Alec just watches him, amusement glinting in his eyes at the way he’d managed to confound him.

Finally, he gets out, “That’s-- that’s it. That’s all you have to say.”

Alec makes a show of thinking before nodding slowly. “Yup, seems about it. What else is there to say?”

Swallowing hard, Magnus offers, “And if I told you that the letter also mentioned that his sentence was commuted over the summer and instead of getting out in 2041, he’ll be released in 2025?”

Humming, Alec just says, “Then I’d say that we’ll deal with Asmodeus’s release whenever it happens. No use worrying about it until it slaps us in the face.”

Magnus laughs incredulously. “Yeah? I didn’t take you for the devil may care sort.”

“I’m not usually,” Alec replies dryly. “But we have, what? Eight years until his release now? That’s a long way away and it seems like an awful lot of effort to worry about something we have no control over.”

Alec pauses for a minute before continuing, “Whatever happens, whenever it happens, we’ll deal with it. Together.”

Magnus’s lips quirk up in an approximation of a smile as he plays over Alec’s words. “Together,” he repeats, question in his tone.

“Yeah,” Alec says quietly. “We can deal with whatever happens when the time comes.”

Magnus knows that his voice is overwhelmingly fond, that it’s betraying his emotions as he softly replies, “Whatever you say, darling.”

The two of them relax in the fading light for awhile afterward. Magnus focuses on deep breathing, relaxing his tense shoulders. All around, that’d gone much better than he’d anticipated and he wonders that Alec seems so relaxed.

The two of them open a bottle of wine and bring it out to the balcony as twilight deepens. Magnus has just poured his second glass and is taking a sip with a quiet, contented sigh when Alec breaks the easy silence that’s fallen over them.

“We should go somewhere.”

Lowering his glass, Magnus looks over to see Alec studying him with something indefinable in his eyes.

“Did you have somewhere in mind, darling?”

“Maybe,” the blasted man says cryptically and Magnus grins as he relaxes into Alec’s side.

“Okay, then,” Magnus agrees. “Let’s go somewhere.”

It’s Alec’s turn to look surprised as he asks, “Really? Just like that?”

“Just like that,” Magnus confirms. “We’ll have to look at our schedules but I love travelling and I can’t think of anything I’d enjoy more than travelling with you.”

“How’s this semester looking for you?”

Thinking, after a moment Magnus offers, “I have fall break this time next month? I have about a week off. We could make something happen then?”

“Sounds great,” Alec agrees with a private smile. He takes a sip of wine before turning his head and nosing along Magnus’s hair, ducking to place a kiss under his ear.

Magnus sinks into the warmth that envelopes him at Alec’s easy affection, lets it settle into his chest and chase away the lingering shadows from earlier.

He starts thinking about plans and where they might go, what they might do. It all seems terribly romantic, if he’s being honest with himself.

A few days away from everything is just what he needs. Distantly, he thinks wryly that he certainly has incentive to finish his book’s deadline now.

As his thoughts switch to another route, Magnus bites back the question that lands on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t want to put Alec on the defensive, after all, and Magnus has always prided himself on being an adept hand at picking up on context clues.

The answer is staring him right in the face, he reflects with a grin, looking down as he takes another lingering sip of wine.

Settling back, Magnus lets everything fall away except this quiet evening with Alec, the two of them taking a few minutes from their hectic, busy lives to enjoy each other.

It’s enough for now. It’s more than enough.

#httbt #my writing #malec fic #malec wip

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