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askmicrowaveayem · 6 years

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MAYEM: A Different Way Pt. 2

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Chxlxthx went silent and still.

She hadn’t known that. Hadn’t heard of it.

“...Where would he get that idea from?” she asked after a moment, her words slow and careful.

“A journal, I believe. Judging by how he reacted it’s probably true in this world as well as the other Gasters. It’s not…”

His mouth went tense and he stopped talking, remembering the monster’s request to keep words about his future short.

“It’s not…?” She asked. It’s not important? It’s not dangerous? It’s not hurting him?

Gaster hushed his voice a bit. “It’s not…” He began, then changed his wording. “It’s… He spends his whole life figuring out what happened to the other skeletons and why.”

He left it at that and just hoped they didn’t rip the journal from him thinking it was hurting him. Maybe it was. He didn’t know.

Fuck. This was awful.

She took another slow breath and filed that away for later consideration. She’d have to ask Sem what he thought. Then maybe they could figure something out. But there were more important things, first.

“So you told him he was a… dead human. To prove you at least knew his future self.” She kind of couldn’t believe she was saying it, but hey. Life was weird. “And then?”

Gaster started to laugh nervously again. Holy shit when she put it like THAT. Wow. He was such a fuckup.

“After that, not much. He asked how old he was when I met him and I told him about 30. He’s about 50ish now. Then he asked how old I was and he asked me to kill him, which I respectfully declined.”

Her four eyes widened a bit and her smile tightened at that last sentence. But she kept her voice steady and said, “Good to know he still has a while yet, at least.”

She wanted to ask if when her kid was all grown up he--was he happier?

She didn’t.

“...so you can understand him? Actually understand him, not just go off hunches?”

“Yeah I understand everything he says.” Gaster said simply.

“Can you teach us?” She said. “Sem, at least. I don’t think I really have the hands for it.”

She wiggled a vine.

“...at the very least, if we start learning a couple of the actual things he means, maybe we can figure out the rest. We’ve figured out how to communicate for the most part, but… it’s not very detailed. And it’s hard to figure out what’s wrong when all we can do is guess and see if he nods or shakes his head.”

Maybe this would be enough.

“Yeah, of course. I can write down the simpler things for you if you’d like.”

“That would be great,” she nodded again. “I’ll get some paper for you in a minute.”

She paused again. “So… after you told him your age. He left?”

Gaster tried to think of anything else relevant he might have said. Maybe something he didn’t realize had upset the kid. “I had mentioned I knew another version of him as well. I told him to stop hurting himself, which made things worse, so sorry about that.”

“He realized he couldn’t hurt me after awhile so he left, maybe?” He shrugged, at a loss.

There were an awful lot of things Gaster had already listed that could’ve hurt her boy, honestly. It was just figuring out which one was worst and what to tackle. And it looked like all of them were pretty bad.

“Wait, ‘couldn’t hurt you’?” she said, much more concerned about the implied attempted to hurt me than the fact it’d somehow been unsuccessful.

“Yeah he stabbed me through the legs a couple of times. I thought he was… someone maybe bad at first so we didn’t have the best meeting. Then I stopped him from leaving just so I could make sure he was okay.”

Holy fuck he sucked.

Gaster slumped in his chair a little.

“He stabbed you through your legs?”

Chxlxthx was focused on something a little bit different.

Like the fact her baby had stabbed someone through their legs.

“He probably didn’t mean for them to go through. Maybe. I dunno. It’s fine.”

Gaster’s view on violence was incredibly screwed up.

“Gaster. If you’re really my child from another timeline, I understand you probably think stabbing people through their legs is kind of normal maybe,” she said, calmly putting her vines on the table. “I’m here to tell you you’re wrong.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her he wasn’t her child.

Instead he just… sort of drummed his fingers on the table and sweat a little bit.

And by sweat his face melted a little in anxiety.

“... Okay.”

All Gasters were her children, she decided. Automatically. No Exceptions.

“...it doesn’t matter if he didn’t mean for them to go all the way through. He shouldn’t have done that. Please don’t drip your face on the table, dear.”

Chxlxthx decided she was too used to weird shit.

Gaster sucked it in, pulling himself together a little more.

This was weird.

Did he… did he just get another mom?

THIS WAS WEIRD.

Chxlxthx got up and made another mug of tea for him, before also making some other hot drinks. Hot chocolate, maybe. “Do you need somewhere to stay tonight night? We don’t have a guest room anymore, but it won’t be any trouble to find you a place. And I’ll be sure to talk to Gaster and have him apologize for stabbing you as soon as we sort this out a little more.”

“No that’s alright, I don’t sleep much.”

He didn’t want the kid to apologize, but… he had a mom once. There wasn’t going to be anything different happening even if he wanted it.

She nodded. “If you’re certain... But remember you’re welcome back if you change your mind.”

She picked up the new mugs and looked to the doorway. “Is there anything else I should know before I go talk to him?”

Gaster tried to think of anything else he might have told him. “I said I would be leaving eventually? That’s… I can’t think of anything else, honestly.”

Chxlxthx paused again. “Ah. Okay, I see. And when did the stabbing happen?”

“Shortly after I ended up here. He got me when I was walking towards him and then again when I cut him off from running before I knew he was just a kid.”

“But not at all once you started talking to him?”

“Nnot… really, no. He summoned a blaster but never used it after I told him to put it away.”

“A blaster?” Chxlxthx asked.

Apparently there were a lot of things her kid had been trying to keep quiet.

“Nevermind. I think I know at least some of the problem, now.”

“Okay.” He said, trying desperately not to make it sound like he thought it was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

“Is there anything you would like me to do other than write down how to speak wingdings?”

“I’d like you to come talk with him, if you would,” she said. “That’s probably the root of this.”

“... Oh. Yeah. Sure.” Gaster stood up.

She smiled at him as he came.

“Just remember. Usually he lashes out because he wants to hurt others before they can hurt him. So if something happens, just stay calm.”

She led him into the living room where the young Gaster was curled on the couch next to the large orange dragon, face buried in the dragon’s elbow. He tensed a bit as he heard others approaching, but didn’t move.

“Hey,” the dragon said, looking up. He had droopy, tired-looking eyes, and a head with spikes that looked almost light they might’ve belonged to the older-Gaster’s largest blasters. “Who’s this?”

He wasn’t the most excited about someone coming into the house while their kid was in this state, but he trusted that Chxlxthx had her reasons.

“This is Gaster from an alternate dimension.”

….even if Semi didn’t really understand those reasons all the time.

“Oh,” he said. “Uh. Alrighty then.”

His kid curled up tighter against him, and Semi dutifully held him closer. “What’s… going on with alternate dimensions...?”

“He met Gaster on the street accidentally and I think that’s some of what’s got him upset. Am I on the right track, dear?”

Very slightly, Gaster nodded against his father’s arm, but still did not turn to look.

Gaster nodded as he followed the other monster into the living room. He stayed off to the side and near the door, figuring the further away he was the better.

This was like little Papyrus all over again.

Chxlxthx stayed closer to the couch, but did not touch her boy. Just talked.

“Is it because he could understand you? Were you excited?”

Another nod from the tiny skeleton on the couch.

“...were you upset he was leaving?”

….another nod, and he shifted so his face was shoved up against the cushions of the couch, rather than his father.

“...were there other things too?”

A shrug.

“So you wanted to talk more.”

Gaster didn’t move this time.

It was answer enough.

He just shifted slightly again, to glimpse at the older version of himself out of the corner of his eye, and wondered if this older version of him was ashamed to be anywhere near him.

Gaster didn’t look the least bit ashamed. He listened and watched silently, unwilling to interrupt a parent talking to their child.

It was moments like these that he really saw the clear differences between himself and his double. Their childhoods had been… radically different.

“He can talk to you while he’s here. And he’s going to write down some of your gestures so we can understand better. Okay?”

He twitched out another nod, but turned a little more to actually face the other with a full eye, signing one-handed, Why?

‘Why not?’ Gaster signed back.

You don’t like me, he replied, hating how whiney that sounded. He didn’t need this guy to like him. He’d been fine before.

‘Did I say I didn’t like you or do you just think that?’ Gaster signed. ‘How could I not like someone as great as me?’ He smirked.

Gaster made a flat face again, snorting. You met an older me. You don’t need me when he’s better.

‘I never said he was better.’ Gaster signed, ‘Gasters have to stick together. Whatever negative things you think I think of you are wrong. I just want to help.’ He frowned a little sadly. ‘We go through a lot. I want to see if I can make things a little easier.’

Gaster frowned a bit and resumed leaning heavily on his father, who was looking away politely, even though he couldn’t understand a word. There’s no reason for you to help…

‘I don’t need a reason. I’m going to do what I want anyway.’

That probably sounded a little familiar.

Gaster snorted and hid his face again, but he appeared to be smiling very faintly.

Gaster just grinned. Maybe he didn’t fuck this up as hard as he thought after all.

Chxlxthx slipped away a moment later and returned with a small stack of papers and a pen, waiting patiently for them to stop signing back and forth before giving them to the older Gaster.

“And there’s tea and hot chocolate.”

She set those down on the living room table near the couch as well, well within distance of Semi’s short arms. But there was a chair on the opposite side of the table Gaster could sit in if he wanted to be in the same room while he made his notes.

“Anything else anyone needs before I head out?”

“Thank you.” Gaster said, “This is more than enough for me.”

Writing notes. Yes. This was good. He could do this.

Instead of taking the chair he sat towards the edge of the room against a wall and started to write.

Semi watched him starting to write against the wall instead of on a table, sitting on the floor, and had to laugh a little. Quietly to Chxlxthx he whispered, “Okay, yeah, definitely Gaster.”

He smiled as he said it and gave the tiny skeleton in his arms another squeeze.

Chxlxthx left the appartment soon after, leaving the three boys on their own.

Gaster was very content to just sit there and write in complete silence. He wrote the basic signs and then a few phrases. It was pretty simple to learn, at least he thought so. His view was pretty skewed, he had learned wingdings even before learning how to speak.

Semi just stayed there silently, holding onto Gaster until the kid was ready to let him go, and listening to his… older alternate universe counterpart, writing notes against their wall.

Yeah, he might not have taken that so nonchalantly if Chxlxthx hadn’t been so matter-of-fact about it.

It was another hour or so before Gaster finally untangled himself from his father and signed a quiet, sorry for taking up time, even if it wouldn’t be understood.

Still, Semi gave him one more hug and a pat before getting up and promising to come back and check on him in a few minutes while he got some work done around the apartment.

Then, there were only two left in the living room.

Gaster barely glanced up as the dragon left the room. He barely paused at all throughout his writing, only stopping here and there for a few moments to read over what he had wrote and spin his pencil around in his fingers before going at it again.

He didn’t blink much either. Or shift positions.

After a few minutes of silence, Gaster left his position on the couch and snuck closer.

He hadn’t had much luck sneaking up on the older skeleton last time, but… last time, he hadn’t been this focused elsewhere.

Gaster could see the shift in colors in his peripheral vision, but now he no longer cared about getting snuck up on, not when he knew it was his child double. He would let him get as close as he wanted without moving much at all.

Thinking he’d gotten away with it so far, he crept a bit closer, and a little closer after that, until he was close enough to read the notes over his double’s shoulder.

He would let him linger there as long as he wanted, or at least until he was at a suitable point to stop.

‘What phrase do you want to say the most to your parents first?’ He signed after awhile.

Gaster jumped when he was suddenly addressed and took a moment to recover and actually think about what he was being asked.

There were… a lot of things he wanted to say. It took a long moment for him to decide. If he could only ever say one thing to his parents, then--well, that would be the thing to learn.

I want to say ‘I love you.’

Gaster smiled, ‘Good choice.’

He wrote that down before starting to stack the papers.

‘Your parents seem like very nice monsters.’

Gaster nodded immediately. They’re the best ones.

Once the papers were stacked into a neat little pile he turned to face his double. ‘So you wanna talk about stuff? Or I could talk about stuff. Whichever.’

Gaster fidgeted a bit, glancing between his double, the notes, and the floor, before finally saying, I’m more used to just listening.

‘But is that what you want to do?’ Gaster asked. ‘You’ve never had someone who could listen back before, have you?’

Reluctantly, Gaster shook his head. No, he hadn’t had anyone to listen back in… forever.

...what do I talk about?

‘What’s your favorite food?’ Gaster asked. They were going to be lame questions, but that was okay. They were mostly safe questions.

Gaster wrinkled the area between his eyes and looked up as if to say ‘what kind of question is that?’ but complied a moment later, saying, I don’t know. Whatever dad cooks is usually good. There’s a vendor downtown who sells things that are good, too. These weird sweetbread rolls. I guess I like sweet-ish things? But if it’s completely sweet, it’s gross.

‘I’m with you there.’ He signed, ‘I never liked sweets that much. I think my favorite food was noodles or coffee, if you’ve ever had those?’

Not coffee, he said. Noodles? Really?

‘Noodles! Really!’ Gaster grinned, ‘There was a great noodle place I would get at all the time back home. I can’t cook for shit. I got takeout every night.’

Gaster made a disgusted face. Every night?? No. Awful. Terrible idea.

Gaster just shrugged with a dumb grin on his face. ‘Half the time I didn’t even eat so it was fine.’

Man he took shit care of his body.

Welp. Didn’t have to really worry about that now.

Write that down to tell mom, he said, she’ll make dad make you a bunch of stuff.

There was a slight shift in his hands, like he was debating continuing with his train of thought or not, before he finally said. Being hungry is awful.

‘Oh. Well… no. That’s okay.’ He signed a little awkwardly. ‘I don’t need to eat anymore. I can’t taste things. Don’t waste your food on me.’

He looked concerned. ...are you hungry?

Gaster shook his head. ‘I don’t feel hunger anymore.’

Hunger was a sensation and he couldn’t feel any sensation these days. Fatigue was definitely the only thing he could pinpoint that he felt, but that could just be how he perceived having low energy to feel like even if it didn’t.

He wasn’t sure.

Oh, Gaster said, and looked back at the floor. That must be nice?

Gaster frowned and made sure his tiny double was looking before signing a very stern ‘no’.

‘Feeling nothing is terrible. Never wish for it. I couldn’t feel you stab me but I can’t feel anything else either. Think how it would be to hug your mom or dad but not be able to feel it.’

Gaster cringed down, feeling guilty, and rocked a little in his spot. Sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry.

Fuck. Fuck.

Even when he could talk to someone, he still didn’t have any words to say what he wanted.

‘It’s okay.’ Gaster signed, ‘Don’t feel bad for me. I’ve been this way for a long time. I just want you to appreciate what you have is all.’

Fuck you, Gaster said once again. Fuck you, I’m tired of feeling things.

He curled down again, wrapping his arms around his knees, and--and he knew the older him had a point. He still wanted to be hugged and feel warmth and everything.

But.

But it would be nice to turn it all off for a little while.

Focus on anything else but his head, or..

(he scraped the inside of his palm again, wincing, and pulling his thoughts away for just a moment.)

‘I know.’ Gaster signed, the white dot of his eye looking down at the hole he was scratching into his palm.

So that’s how he got them.

He didn’t comment on it this time. The kid would do what he wanted.

A long time ago he had talked to his twin about their respective upbringings and how they had ‘aged backwards’. He had been a good kid who turned back, and his double had been a bad kid who turned good. Gaster knew how this little counterpart of himself was feeling.

There had been a time when he had stopped feeling anything, at least emotionally. It… wasn’t something he recommended.

The hole was still much smaller than that of his grown-up version.

There was a long way to go, it seemed.

It was tempting to say ‘you don’t know,’ and Gaster’s scratched hand almost jerked into the motions but was slowed enough by pain that he didn’t get farther than ‘don’t.’

Something hot and painful and clogging crawled up his throat and he just tensed his jaw and looked down again.

I’m tired.

‘What kind of tired?’ Gaster asked. There was being tired and then being just… tired.

He took a few moments to try and figure out how to answer. Everything tired.

That wasn’t a very good description. But it was accurate enough.

Tired of being me.

He looked over at his double, and his eyes lingered on the cracks in his face, and on the holes in his hands. His eyes seemed to dim, and he slumped a little bit more in resignation.

He didn’t want to deal with more.

Gaster gave his twin a sad look, but he didn’t offer any sort of consolation. He couldn’t. It would all be a lie.

This poor kid’s life was going to get worse and he knew it. He would try and make it a little less shitty any way he could, but… it might not work and he wasn’t about to promise something that wouldn’t come true.

So he offered him nothing.

It was, indeed, a tiring existence.

He waited for some kind of response.

He waited to be told it would be okay.

He waited to be told, sorry, you don’t ever change.

He waited.

He buried his face in his knees when he couldn’t wait anymore.

When he cried, he tried to stop his shoulders from shaking, so maybe the other wouldn’t see.

His double didn’t like looking at him. He could tell. Something about it made him aware the other either was struggling to look at him or struggling to look away, like he was some ugly wreck instead of a… whatever he was.

...a corpse.

Shouldn’t be around.

Should’ve just washed into that trench in the Dump before he’d ever been found.

One hand signed, sorry, and he didn’t look up to see any response or if his words had even been noticed.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Gaster said, switching to words while his double kept his face hidden.

“I’m not going to lie to you, kid. Life is fucking hard. But… I’m here. You’ve got your mom and dad. You’re not as alone as you feel. You aren’t unwanted.” He leaned forward on his knees a little, but didn’t touch him. “I’m going to help you out as much as I can, alright? I’m not going to just teach your parents wingdings and then fuck off forever. I’ve been meeting your other self for years off and on.”

“And before you ask I’m doing it because I want to. I’m sick of the world shitting on us all the time and fucking us over. I’m going to do everything I can to change that. Just because I’ve gone through hell doesn’t mean you should too.”

It’d be better if they didn’t want me then I wouldn’t have to put up with this shit, Gaster said, still one-handed, still hiding his face. There are other kids they could be helping other than someone they’re apparently doomed to fail with since the whole world hates me and all other versions of me.

“Well tough. They love you, so you’re stuck with a pair of awesome parents.” Gaster said, “Besides, they succeed pretty well.” He smirked, “Out of the two of us I’m the asshole.”

Gaster snorted. Oh really?

“Yep. You grow up to be a hospitable dork.” Gaster smirked. He knew he had been told not to say much, but… it would cheer the kid up, maybe. To know he wasn’t a failure. That he wasn’t always so inwardly and outwardly broken.

That he grew up to manage it.

Both of them had, in a way.

He snorted again. What, you’re saying people come to visit me willingly? I bet they’re dragged there for torture.

Still, there was some humor in how he said it, if hands could indicate tone.

“I come to visit you willingly, although I’m not sure that counts for much. I’m not a good houseguest.” He smirked. “I’ll come visit both of you.”

“The only torture you inflict is on me. But I give it back.”

He paused, “Both of you are apparently jealous of my legs.”

Legster #1.

Gaster’s head shot up. What!

He was definitely not jealous of this guy’s legs!

...he had a kinda nice face, though.

‘Your other self has shot off my legs so many damn times I’ve lost count!’ He said, switching to signing now that he was looking. ‘And the first thing you did was stab me in the legs! Totally multidimensional jealousy.’

Gaster was grinning.

Gaster rolled his eyes at the double and resisted the urge to put a hand in his face.

It’s a good way to pin people down! You’re thinking way to far into this.

He was grinning a little bit too, though.

‘I’m thinking just enough into it. We’ve agreed on it and everything! You get to have the nice face and I get to have the nice legs.’

Older me must be kind of stupid, then, huh, he said, not malicious at all.

‘To be fair we’re all a bunch of idiots in a very genius way.’ He said, still smiling.

All of us? Really? You’ve only met two of us!

‘That’s enough to get an idea!’

That’s not enough for a definitive pattern, though! Gaster said, gestures becoming larger and more emotive. That’s just a coincidence if it’s just two, and I’m just a copy of him, so I don’t even count!

For a kid who hadn’t yet started actively pursuing science, he definitely had the same head as a scientist.

Gaster had raised a little scientist before. He grinned and pointed at him. ‘See? That thinking right there. You’re gonna be a giant nerd just like the two of us.’

Eeewwwww, he said, and definitely would’ve been sticking out his tongue if he had one.

Gaster laughed, a slightly distorted sound that didn’t really seem like it was coming from his mouth. ‘Aw, being a nerd isn’t that bad.’

Gaster looked around a little, trying to place the source of the sound when it didn’t seem to be coming from where it was supposed to be.

He began frowning a moment later, looking over the other once more, before signing. So, sorry, but what exactly are you? You really don’t look like… what I thought skeletons looked like?

‘I was a skeleton at one point. I looked just like you when I was younger. Now I’m…’ He trailed off before giving a sort of shrug and taking the pencil he had been using to write, pushing it into his arm and then out the other side.

‘Goo? It’s a substance my soul ended up in after my body was destroyed.’

Gaster didn’t really flinch, exactly, when the pencil went through his double’s arm.

He just. Did a full body sieze and completely failed at not looking disgusted.

It was hard not to see that look. ‘Oh. Right. Sorry. I forget that… that probably weirds people out.’

He awkwardly set the pencil down.

Gradually, Gaster relaxed down a little, not talking for a moment, just staring at his double.

He raised his hand slowly, as if to speak.

And instead leaned forward to push against his double’s chest, trying to see if he could go through.

Gaster instinctively moved his soul further away just in case.

His double’s hand didn’t go in at first, at least not until Gaster relaxed a little and let him. It was weird to watch but not like he could feel it, so it didn’t matter too much. It was cold and tingly, as though tiny hands were grabbing at every inch of his twin’s hand that was inside it.

Gaster’s face twisted up in disgust, but he didn’t remove his hand just yet. With his free hand, he signed, It’s going inside my hand hole………………

‘Then… pull it out?’ Gaster said, just… watching.

What a thing this would be to walk in on.

#mayem #a different way #RP log #undertale #gaster #goop #young kid #semi #chxlxthx

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