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Best Horror Movies Streaming on HBO Max

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Editor’s Note: This post is updated monthly. Bookmark this page and come back every month to see the new horror movies on HBO Max.

Updated for October 2020

What ever would we do without horror?

So much of our daily life is built around logic and known, verifiable facts, and for some, the rest of the time must be supplemented with comforting reassurances that everything is going to be alright. Well if the last year has taught us anything… that’s not the case. Perhaps this is why horror hounds know the best way to face abstract fears is to confront them head on… and preferably with a screen in the way.

So, with Halloween around the corner, we figured it’s time to get in touch with our illogical, terrified animal brain. That’s where horror and horror movies in particular come in. Gathered here are the best horror movies on HBO Max for your scaring needs.

Alien

“In space, no one can hear you scream,” the tagline for Ridley Scott’s 1979 sci-fi/horror epic promised. Well maybe they should have screened this thing in space because I’m sure all that audiences in theaters did was scream.

Alien has since evolved into a heady, science fiction franchise that has stretched out for decades. The original film, however, is a small-scale, terrifyingly claustrophobic thriller.

Altered States

What if you could tap into the vast swaths of the brain you never use? What if you did and didn’t like what we found? And what if it was an absolute psychedelic rush of a cinematic experience?

All three questions are answered in their own way during Ken Russell’s Altered States, a wild sci-fi thriller. In the film, William Hurt stars as a psychologist who begins experimenting with taking hallucinatory drugs while in a sensory depravation tank.

Yes, he manages to expand his consciousness; he also begins to expand his physical body as it transforms beneath his skin. Or does it? Well that’s yet another good question…

An American Werewolf in London

Arguably the definitive werewolf movie, John Landis’ 1981 horror masterpiece has the single greatest on-screen lycanthropic transformation in movie history… and that’s only one of its appeals.

Peppered with loving references to the werewolf movies that came before it and a few legitimate laughs to go along with the scares, An American Werewolf in London is remarkably knowing and self-aware, without ever flirting with parody.

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Not enough can be said about Rick Baker’s practical effects, which extend beyond the aforementioned on-screen transformation and into one of the most gruesome depictions of a werewolf attack aftermath you’re ever likely to see. A classic of the era, it still can get under the skin whenever Griffin Dunne’s mutilated corpse rises from the grave to warn his friend to “beware the moon.”

The Brood

I bet you never thought placenta could look so tasty, but when Samantha Eggar’s Nola Carveth licks her newborn clean you’ll be craving seconds within the hour. She brings feline intuition to female troubles. We get it. Having a new baby can be scary. Having a brood is terrifying. Feminine power is the most horrifying of all for male directors used to being in control.

David Cronenberg takes couples therapy one step too far in his 1979 psychological body-horror film, The Brood. When it came out critics called it reprehensible trash, but it is the writer-director’s most traditional horror story. Oliver Reed plays with mental illness like Bill Sikes played with the kids as Hal Raglan, the psychotherapist treating the ex-wife of Frank Carveth (Art Hindle). The film starts slow, unfolding its drama through cuts and bruises.

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Cronenberg unintentionally modifies the body of the Kramer vs. Kramer story in The Brood, but the murderous munchkins at the external womb of the film want a little more than undercooked French toast.

Carnival of Souls

Carnival of Souls may be the most unlikely of chillers to appear in the Criterion Collection. Hailing from the great state of Kansas and helmed by commercial director Herk Harvey, who was looking for his big break in features, there is something hand-crafted about the whole affair. There’s also something unmistakably eerie.

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The story is fairly basic campfire boilerplate, following a woman (Candace Hilligoss) who survives a car crash but is then haunted by the sound of music and visions of the ghoulish dead–beckoning her toward a decrepit carnival abandoned some years earlier–and the acting can leave something to be desired. But the dreadful dreamlike atmosphere is irresistible.

With a strong sense of fatalism and inescapable doom, the film takes an almost melodic and disinterested gait as it stalks its heroine to her inevitable end, presenting images of the walking dead that linger in the mind long after the credits roll.

The Curse of Frankenstein

Hammer is probably best remembered now for its series of Christopher Lee-starring Dracula movies. Yet its oddball Frankenstein franchise deserves recognition too. While Hammer’s efforts certainly pale in comparison to the Frankenstein movies produced by Universal Pictures in the 1930s and ’40s, the Hammer ones remain distinctly unique. Whereas the Creature was the star of the earlier films, so much so the studio kept changing the actor beneath the Jack Pierce makeup after Boris Karloff got fed up three movies in, the not-so-good doctor leads the Hammer alternatives.

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Indeed, between bouts of playing the almost sickeningly pious Abraham Van Helsing, Peter Cushing portrayed a perverse and dastardly Victor Frankenstein at Hammer, and it all begins with The Curse of Frankenstein. It isn’t necessarily the best movie in the series, but it introduces us to Cushing’s cruel scientist, played here as less mad than malevolent.

It also features Christopher Lee in wonderfully grotesque monster makeup. This is the film where Hammer began forming an identity that would become infamous in the realm of horror.

The Conjuring 2

Making an effective, truly spooky mainstream horror film is hard enough. But The Conjuring franchise really nailed things out of the gate with a sequel that is every bit as fun and terrifying as the original.

Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga return as paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren in The Conjuring 2. This time the Warrens head to Great Britain to attend to the Hodgson family, dealing with some poltergeist problems in their Enfield home. The source of the Enfield haunting’s activity contains some of the most disturbing and terrifying visuals in the entire Conjuring franchise and helped to set up a (sadly pretty bad) spinoff sequel in The Nun.

Doctor Sleep

Let’s be up front about this: Doctor Sleep is not The Shining. For some that fact will make this sequel’s existence unforgivable. Yet there is a stoic beauty and creepy despair just waiting to be experienced by those willing to accept Doctor Sleep on its own terms.

Directed by one of the genre’s modern masters, Mike Flanagan, the movie had the unenviable task of combining one of King’s most disappointing texts with the opposing sensibilities of Stanley Kubrick’s singular The Shining adaptation.

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And yet, the result is an effective thriller about lifelong regrets and trauma personified by the ghostly specters of the Overlook Hotel. But they’re far from the only horrors here. Rebecca Ferguson is absolutely chilling as the smiling villain Rose the Hat, and the scene where she and other literal energy vampires descend upon young Jacob Tremblay is the stuff of nightmares. Genuinely, it’s a scene you won’t forget, for better or worse….

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave

Hammer Films’ fourth Dracula movie, and third to star the ever reluctant Christopher Lee, is by some fans’ account the most entertaining one. While it lacks the polish and ultimate respectability of Lee’s first outing as the vampire, Horror of Dracula (which you can read more about below), just as it is missing the invaluable Peter Cushing, Dracula Has Risen from the Grave arrived in 1968 at the crossroads of Hammer’s pulpy aesthetic. Their films had not yet devolved into exploitative shlock as they would a few years later, but the censors seemingly were throwing up their hands and allowing for the studio’s vampires to be meaner, bloodier, and sexier.

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In this particular romp, Dracula has indeed risen from the grave (yes, again!) because of the good intentions of one German monsignor (Rupert Davies). The religious leader is in central Europe to save souls, but the local denizens of a village won’t go to a church caught in the shadow of Castle Dracula. So the priest exorcises the structure, oblivious that his sidekick is also accidentally dripping blood into the mouth of Dracula’s corpse down the river. Boom he’s back!

And yet, our fair Count can’t enter his home anymore. So for revenge, Dracula follows the monsignor to his house and lays eyes on the patriarch’s comely young niece (Veronica Carlson). You can probably figure out the rest.

Eraserhead

“In Heaven, everything is fine,” sings the Lady in the Radiator in Eraserhead. “You’ve got your good things, and I’ve got mine.”

You may get something short of paradise, but the insular world David Lynch created for his 1977 experimental existential horror film is a land of mundane wonders, commonplace mysteries, and extremely awkward dinner conversations. Lynch’s first feature film is surrealistic, expressionistic, and musically comic. The minor key score and jarring black and white images bring half-lives to the industrial backdrop and exquisite squalor. At its heart though, Eraserhead is poignant, sad, and ultimately relatable on a universal level.

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Jack Nance’s Henry Spencer is the spiky-haired everyman. He works hard at his job, cares deeply for his deformed, mutant child, and is desperate to please his extended family. Lynch lays a comedy of manners in a rude, crude city. The film is an assault on the senses, and it might take a little while for the viewer’s brains to adjust to the images on the screen; it is a different reality, and not an entirely inviting one, but stick with it. Once you’re in with the in-laws, you’re home free. When you make it to the end, you can tell your friends you watched all of Eraserhead. When they ask you what it’s about, you can tell them you saw it.

Eyes Without a Face

“I’ve done so much wrong to perform this miracle,” Doctor Génessier (Pierre Brasseur) confesses in the 1960 horror film Eyes Without a Face. But he says it in French, making it all so much more poignant, allowing it to underscore everything director and co-writer Georges Franju did right. We feel for the respectable plastic surgeon forced to do monstrous things. But the monster behind the title character is his young daughter Christiane (Édith Scob). She spends the majority of the film behind a mask, even more featureless than the unpainted plastic Captain Kirk kid’s costume Michael Myers wore in Halloween. The first time we see her face though, the shock wears off quickly and we are more moved than terrified.

Like Val Lewton films, the horror comes from the desolate black-and-white atmosphere, shrouding the claustrophobic suspense in German Expressionism. Maurice Jarre’s score evokes a Gothic carnival as much as a mad scientist’s laboratory. After his daughter’s face is hideously disfigured in an accident, Dr. Génessier becomes obsessed with trying to restore it. We aren’t shown much, until we’re shown too much. We see his heterograft surgical procedure in real time. A woman’s face is slowly flayed from the muscle. The graphic scenes pack more of a visceral shock after all the encroaching dread.

Godzilla

As the original and by far still the best Godzilla movie ever produced, this 1954 classic (originally titled Gojira), is one of the many great Showa Era classics that the Criterion Collection and HBO Max are making readily available to American audiences. And if you want to watch one that is actually scary, look no further.

In this original uncut Japanese form, the movie’s genuine dread of nuclear devastation, as well as nightly air raids, less than 10 years since World War II ended in several mushroom clouds, is overwhelming. Tapping into the real cultural anxiety of a nation left marred by the memory of its dead, as well as the recent incident of a fishing crew being contaminated by unannounced hydrogen bomb testing at Bikini Atoll, Godzilla encapsulates terror for the atomic age in a giant lizard.

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And unlike the sequels there is nothing cuddly or amusing about this original Kaiju with its scarred body and legion of tumors. This is the one Godzilla movie to play it straight, and it still plays today.

Horror of Dracula

Replacing Bela Lugosi as Dracula was not easily done in 1958. It’s still not easily done now. Which makes the fact that Christopher Lee turned Bram Stoker’s vampire into his own screen legend in Horror of Dracula all the more remarkable. Filmed in vivid color by director Terence Fisher, Horror of Dracula brought gushing bright red to the movie vampire, which up until then had been mostly relegated to black and white shadows.

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With its penchant for gore and heaving bosoms, Horror of Dracula set the template for what became Hammer Film Productions’ singular brand of horror iconography, but it’s also done rather tastefully the first time out here, not least of all because of Lee bring this aggressively cold-blooded version of Stoker’s monster to life. It’s all business with this guy.

Conversely, Abraham Van Helsing was never more dashing than when played by Peter Cushing in this movie. The film turned both into genre stars, and paved the way for a career of doing this dance time and again.

The Invisible Man

After years of false starts and failed attempts at resurrecting the classic Universal Monsters, Universal Pictures finally figured out how to make it work: They called Blumhouse Productions.

Yep, Jason Blum’s home for micro-budgeted modern horror worked wonders alongside writer-director Leigh Whannell in updating the classic 1933 James Whale movie, and the H.G. Wells novel on which it is based, for the 21st century.

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Turning the story of a man who masters invisibility into a horrific experience told from the vantage of the woman trying to escape his toxic violence, The Invisible Man becomes a disquieting allegory for the #MeToo era. It also is a devastating showcase for Elisabeth Moss who is compelling as Cecilia, the abused and gaslighted woman that barely found the will to escape, yet will now have to discover more strength since everyone around her shrugs off the idea of her dead ex coming back as an invisible man…

Lifeforce

Most assuredly a horror movie for a very acquired taste, there are few who would call Tobe Hooper’s career-destroying Lifeforce a good movie. There probably aren’t even many who would call it a fun movie. But for those with a singular taste for batshit pulp run amok, Lifeforce needs to be seen to be believed: Naked French vampire girls from outer space! Hordes of extras as zombies marauding through downtown London! Lush Henry Mancini music over special effects way outside of Cannon Films’ budget!!! Patrick Stewart as an authority figure possessed by said naked French space vampire, trying to seduce an astronaut via makeout sessions?!

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… What is this movie? Why does it exist? We don’t know, but we’re probably more glad it does than the people who made it.

Magic

As much a psychological case study as as a traditional horror movie, for those who like their terror rooted in humanity, Magic may be the creepiest iteration of the “killer doll” subgenre since this is about the man who thinks his dummy is alive. Starring Anthony Hopkins before he was Hannibal, or had a “Sir” in front of his name, Magic is the brain child of William Goldman, who adapted his own novel into this movie before he’d go on to do the same for The Princess Bride (as well as adapt Stephen King’s Misery), but after he’d already written Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and Marathon Man.

In the film, Hopkins stars as Corky, a down on his luck ventriloquist who tries to get his life together by tracking down his high school sweetheart (Ann-Margret). She’ll soon probably wish he didn’t bother once she realizes Corky believes his ventriloquist dummy Fats really is magic… and is determined to get him to act on the most heinous of impulses.

The Most Dangerous Game

Before King Kong, Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack released The Most Dangerous Game, one of the all-time great pulp movies, based on a short story by Richard Connell. This classic has influenced everything from Predator to The Running Man, The Hunger Games to Ready or Not.

It’s the story of a big game hunter who shipwrecks on a remote island with an eccentric Russian Count who escaped the Bolshevik Revolution (Leslie Banks). The wayward noble now drinks, studies, and charms his apparently frequent array of unannounced guests, including two other survivors from a previous (suspicious) wreck. The film quickly boils down to a mad rich man determined to hunt his guests as prey across the island for the ultimate thrill.

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Man hunting man, man lusting after woman in a queasy pre-Code fashion, this is a primal throwback to adventure yarns of the 19th century, which were still relatively recent in 1932. Shot simultaneously with King Kong, this is 63 brisk minutes of excitement, dread, and delicious overacting. Let the games begin.

Night of the Living Dead

“They’re coming to get you, Barbara!”

The zombie movie that more or less invented our modern understanding of what a zombie movie is, there is little new that can be said about George A. Romero’s original guts and brains classic, Night of the Living Dead. Shot in black and white and on almost no budget, the film reimagined zombies as a horde of ravenous flesh-eaters, as opposed to a lowly servant of the damned and enchanted.

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Still visually striking in black and white, perhaps the key reason to go back to the zombie movie that started it all is due to how tragically potent its central conflict from 1968 remains: When strangers are forced to join forces and barricade in a farmhouse to survive a zombie invasion, the wealthy white businessman is constantly at odds with the young Black man in the group, to the point of drawing weapons…

Ready or Not

The surprise horror joy of 2019, Ready or Not was a wicked breath of fresh air from the creative team Radio Silence. With a star-making lead turn by Samara Weaving, the movie is essentially a reworking of The Most Dangerous Game where a bride is being hunted by her groom’s entire wedding party on the night of their nuptials.

It’s a nutty premise that has a delicious (and broad) satirical subtext about the indulgences and eccentricities of the rich, as the would-be extended family of Grace (Weaving) is only pursuing her because they’re convinced a grandfather made a deal with the Devil for their wealth–and to keep it they must step on those beneath them every generation. Well step, shoot, stab, and ritualistically sacrifice in this cruelest game of hide and seek ever. Come for the gonzo high-concept and stay for the supremely satisfying ending.

Sisters

One of the scariest things about the 1972 psychological thriller Sisters is the subliminal sounds of bones creaking and muscles readjusting during the slasher scenes. Margot Kidder plays both title characters: conjoined twins, French Canadian model Danielle Breton and asylum-committed Dominique Blanchion, who had been surgically separated. Director Brian De Palma puts the movie together like a feature-long presentation of the shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. The camera lingers over bodies, bloodied or pristine, mobile or prone, with fetishistic glee before instilling the crime scenes in the mind’s eye. He allows longtime Hitchcock composer Bernard Herrmann to assault the ear.

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De Palma was inspired by a photograph of Masha and Dasha Krivoshlyapova, Russian conjoined twins with seemingly polarized temperaments. There may be no deeper bond than blood, which the film has plenty of, but the real alter ego comes from splitscreen compositions and an outside intruder. The voyeuristic delight culminates in a surgical dream sequence with freaks, geeks, a giant, and dwarves. Nothing is as it seems and an out-of-order telephone is a triggering reminder.

Jordan Peele’s debut feature Get Out was a near instant horror classic so anticipation was high for his follow-up. Thanks to an excellent script, Peele’s deep appreciation of pop culture, and some stellar performances, Us mostly lived up to the hype.

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The film tells the story of the Wilson family from Santa Cruz. After a seemingly normal trip to a summer home and the beach, Adelaide (Lupita Nyong’o), Gabe (Winston Duke) and their two kids are confronted by their own doppelgangers, are weird, barely verbal, and wearing red. But then Adelaide is not terribly surprised given her own personal childhood traumas. And that’s only the beginning of the horror at play. Fittingly, Us feels like a feature length Twilight Zone concept done right.

Vampyr

A nigh silent picture, Vampyr came at a point of transition for its director Carl Th. Dreyer. The Danish filmmaker, who often worked in Germany and France at this time, was making only his second “talkie” when he mounted this vampire opus. That might be why the movie is largely absent of dialogue. The plot, which focuses on a young man journeying to a village that is under the thrall of a vampire, owes much to Bram Stoker’s Dracula as well as F.W. Murnau’s Nosferatu from some years earlier.

Yet there horror fans should seek Vampyr out, if for no other reason than the stunning visuals and cinematography. Alternating between German Expressionist influences in its use to shadows to unsettling images crafted in naturalistic light, such as a boatman carrying an ominous scythe, this a a classic of mood and atmosphere. Better still is when they combine, such as when the scythe comes back to bedevil a woman sleeping, trapping us all in her nightmare. Even if its narrative has been told better, before and after, there’s a reason this movie’s iconography lingers nearly a century later.

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antics-pedantic · 4 years

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UNDER ALDRAGAR’S ROOF, PART 1

August 21st, 1931.

I am writing this brief prologue as an insight into my thoughts today versus those of my time at the estate of Professor Bjorn Heimdall’s mysterious acquaintance. It was at his request that I had made the journey from my position here in Maryland to meet with him. Under all other circumstances, our relation to each other would have been cut down to that one particular visit of his. It was a miracle then that I met with him after the conference at the Barnett College in 1923. I had never been more excited to have met someone who shared my interest in the less appreciated ideas pitched around the proverbial campfire.

Heimdall and I shared a particular fondness for ancient civilizations. Though not by any means the only ones, we two were among the quiet minority of those who fancied the idea of entire time periods left forgotten, and that the age of our world was even greater than any representative of science could have guessed. We had our reasoning for such things, but I would rather not recount them here so openly. I would urge all who read my pages to reconsider at once before you damn yourself to a fate no soul should experience.

Perhaps though, you have that very thirst for adventure I once had. I can only hope the rest of my journal serves well to dissuade you from potentially catching your death.

- Dr. Leonard Trent, Archaeology Department at Century University.

November 6th, 1927

Today, I had been welcomed. I was quite surprised to learn that we would stay the night in Lord Aldragar Covington’s castle, as Heimdall knew him as a friend and supporter of his research. The place itself was far more impressive on the exterior than any manor house I’d seen, but being here in the flesh only helped. I find myself with the help of a guide who had insisted upon hurrying back to catch up with an issue regarding his family at home.

I had run into Heimdall a short distance from the place and we embraced each other for a moment, before taking to a carriage afforded by our gracious host. We had been informed that Lord Aldragar was attending to personal matters and would not return for some time. We were treated to hot meals and the roar of a fireplace as the two of us made haste to catch up with each other’s latest exploits. I had asked Heimdall of Lord Aldragar and how they had come to know each other.

Heimdall’s explanation had caught me off guard: He himself once told me that our own encounter was a miracle, and it helped that we had similar interests. His description of how he came to know our benevolent host seemed unlike him, as he stated he was drawn to the man’s eccentric nature and enthusiasm for seemingly hopeless pursuits. Still, I should be open to see the other fellow who held favor with the Professor. He insisted on moving his discussion to other topics though, and I obliged him. He spoke a great deal on society after the fall of near utopian Atlantis. This night, he seemed particularly focused on his studies into the metal called Orichalcum. It was rumored to have been only second in worth to gold among the Atlanteans and had occult basis as being capable of amplifying an energy—such as electricity many times over. Aldragar had funded Heimdall in the hopes of finding some of this metal, or any other artifacts. He offered me his energy when speaking on his discovery. It was odd then that he would suddenly halt and forget what had happened next.

“I will retire early.” he said, his voice gone monotone.

“From our business or for the night?” I mused, trying to get a chuckle. I had no such luck, as he departed without banter. When I took to my chamber, I found it almost as cold as the outside and took to the heavy blankets, cocooning myself in the hopes that I could be transferred to a new room once Lord Aldragar had returned.

November 7th, 1927

My first encounter with Lord Aldragar was perhaps the most offensive I’ve had with anyone in my entire life. I can accept theory, but he seemed to challenge me at every turn. I could not help but gaze into his eyes, whose brown shade seemed rusty red to my eye. Heimdall did not speak much for me, offering more of his vigor for Aldragar. It seemed insulting that he would go to such lengths to make a fool out of me. I had the remainder of my breakfast and left immediately after. No more did I want to see Bjorn’s greying beard scratched, or the ghoulish countenance of Lord Aldragar.

I should note that I can’t find much by way of more recent conveniences here in the castle. Aldragar said that the castle was a harder place to renovate. Still, he’d promised it was remote enough for us to do our business without prying eyes or fears. To my surprise I was not granted a new room, and left with the chilly one. Rather than argue with my host, I sought to examine some of the possessions he had here. I had quite enough of Aldragar for the time being.

None of Aldragar’s more recent acquisitions were housed here, so it was all antique. The place was mostly filled with heirlooms. I recognized some prominently displayed 11th century pieces, such as armor and weaponry. They were well preserved, and the veteran in me could not help but take up a sword. During the Great War, I had fought in the U.S. 3rd Cavalry Regiment. I once again knew the feel of a saber as I inspected a half open case and found a remarkable silver blade. I took the moment to test it, and found myself enamored with how it handled. My intermission had been interrupted by Aldragar however, who offered a hiss and attempted to take the blade from me. He recoiled in pain however, having attempted to grasp the blade itself.

“Doctor Trent! Away from my collection!” he’d barked at me. Lord Aldragar looked to be in pain, perhaps having cut himself on the blade. He accepted no excuse, and hurried me out with a malicious glare. I eventually saw him once again as I passed through the halls, unseen as I saw him take raw meat into his hands. He slurped them into his mouth and mashed them with his teeth. The most striking aspect though were that in the blink of an eye, I could have sworn his canines were on par with the tusks of a boar. His snide features seemed more grotesque with each savage bite, and I had to force myself to look away.

I did not dare to run, but I still had to slip away before he could catch me. If he knew I stood as witness to his actions then my life should be forfeit.

#Web Fiction #Antics-Pedantic

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simplyoriginalcharacters · 7 years

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K'uro Leliel (REDUX)

Thank you so much for reviewing this guy the first time around. I did feel like I gave a little too little context to the universe as well as make him seem to overpowered while also failing to actually leave room to develop. I tried to make him less of “all-powerful Bethesda protag” and more like “Pretty Good still, but receiving consequences” I’ve tried to rectify that. Again, thank you, you guys are great.

Read the rest under the cut. ~Cori

Universe

The Teamverse follows the story of various four-person teams called Teams (creative, yes.) The first few were born out of necessity and chance, but by K'uro’s part of the story, the Teams have consolidated and become a proper organization dedicated to fighting any unscheduled trouble in the multiverse. Teams can consist of a cowboy grandma, two Pokemon and a Mobian (Part I), a human, a dubious moraled candy monarch, a Dwemer Neopet, and the literal personification of heroism itself (Part II), or in the case of K'uro’s part (Part III), a cat vampire, a demon Pokemon, a bee child, and Death itself. While there are minor teams for minor problems, the Teams proper are meant for handling really big issues, like say, a rampaging god of destruction. Or Satan.

Appearance

K’uro is a brown-furred Khajiit, with black stripes and pale yellow eyes. He has black pupils and rather prominent fangs as a result of his vampirism. His standard outfit consists of a black leather cuirass over a puffy blood-red tunic, with evil-looking steel pauldrons and matching knee/elbow pads and matching red pants. Think if Dio Brando wore a mixture of his Phantom Blood clothes with his stupid yellow/green jumpsuit. He has a waist/shoulder utility belt filled exclusively with various types of blood vials that he drinks for pleasure and also to not die from being in the sun, due to the fact that hoods don’t exactly alleviate his weaknesses. His shoes and gloves share a pointy, almost claw-like design, and are the same dull black iron color as his cuirass. On the various belts on his boots and his utility belts are various hidden throwing knives of various designs, implying that he simply takes normal kitchen knives and sharpens them in his spare time. He does not wear a hood because hoods and shade to him are absolutely useless, though he sometimes wears a fancy little steel tiara that he adamantly refers to as “The Blood Diadem” despite it being made by an actual child blacksmith as a present for saving Riverwood. He keeps it for sentimental value

Personality

K’uro Leliel is a hedonistic but otherwise lovingly passionate pansexual Khajiit Vampire Lord with a propensity for bad decisions preceding extreme capability. Behind his reckless and party-animal exterior lies a deceptively well-educated individual thanks to his scholarly childhood. K’uro is rather charismatic and seductive, though these are mostly for fleeting flings and bribery. When he truly, genuinely loves an individua, he proves to be a passionate and genuine lover who heartily accepts the idea of a poly relationship. He has a tendency to get involved in people’s business, generally to coax the prospect of a quest and maybe a reward. This is sometimes (commonly) interpreted as an insult. K’uro is not a heavily religious man, despite having sold his soul to no less than 18 deities and demons, but otherwise believes in the idea of Talos worship. (Note: All of these deals became null and void the second he stepped into the Teambase, which turns into a problem when he eventually has to go back home, even momentarily.) He acts before he thinks more often than not, but is quick at assessing a situation. Despite his tendency to get into bad situations in the pursuit of fortune, he displays a considerable capability and confidence not otherwise seen elsewhere.

Powers

K’uro, as both a Vampire Lord and the Dovahkiin, is an extremely powerful individual. He has mastery over a wide variety of Shouts (most commonly Whirlwind Sprint, Slow Time, Unrelenting Force, and Drain Vitality), in addition to a variant of Vampire Blood Magic. Said variant utilizes a form of half-transformation, allowing K’uro to maintain his Khajiit form without fully becoming the monstrous form normally seen by a Vampire, though while in this state he does take on some of the form’s ghoulish features to a lesser degree. The form of Vampire Lord grants K’uro a powerful offensive blast of life-draining energy, the ability to raise moderately powerful corpses, short-range teleportation via turning into bats, increased strength, and the ability to turn his hands into monstrous claws. He can also channel blood not only from his mouth but also his claws. Apart from the Thu’um and the powers granted unto him by his vampiric nature, K’uro is secretly one of the top masters of Alteration magic in the greater Skyrim area. While the status seems rather dull given that Alteration is not as flashy as Destruction or Illusion, and most people in Skyrim don’t use magic any so there’s not much competition aside from maybe Tolfdir, K’uro’s creative uses of its techniques would rival the most flashiest of Destruction infernos. Whether it be effortless telekinesis, stopping time within an radius, constant levitation, or even the creation of steamroller-sized stones from thin air. He manages to hide his status as an Alteration wizard due to how often he uses it as a mundane utility that no one cares to question, or otherwise passes off as standard Vampire Lord powers. In the daytime his powers are halved, he loses his natural healing factor, and is extremely susceptible to fire magic. He also can’t be healed by most means aside from drinking blood. This part is actually more tied to his internal clock than actually being in the sun, and is relative to the world he currently is in. As such, K’uro is naturally weaker after traveling to a different Universe for about 30 minutes as his brain adapts to the location’s time system.

Backstory

K’uro Leliel, birthname J’akuro Levathahrel, was born in 4E 173 in the province of Elsweyr as the only child of a family of well-respected scholars. His parents were well respected members of the Mournhold Museum Memorial Archeologist Guild in the city of Blacklight, and as such frequently traveled back and forth between the Elsweyr and Morrowind. It was during one of these excursions to Blacklight that he met Vivian Mandragora, and the two formed a strong, almost filial bond of friendship.

As a child he displayed a knack for melee combat paired with an unstoppable drive below his lazy and hedonistic exterior. From his youth he noticed that many of the Nordic artifacts his parents often researched seemed to be calling out to something within him, though he much preferred the history of Skyrim’s vampires over Nordic legend. This fascination for vampires came to a head when, while poring over a tome detailing the legend of the Volkihar Vampire Clan, came face to face with a vampire thief sent by the Volkihar clan to retrieve said tome, as it detailed several theories regarding the Prophecy of the Sun. The thief was unnerved by both the lack of fear in the young J’akuro’s eyes and the kitten’s bizarre eagerness to be turned and to learn from the thief. The thief invited the young J’akuro to the Volkihar Clan, which was more of a ploy to escape the premises than an actual promises. Even though he saw the remains of a familiar vampire outside in the market the next morning, J’akuro took the invitation to heart, and pledged to find a way to live in Skyrim to make good on the offer.

His plan involved getting into the College of Winterhold, and lucky for him his family had a sizable collection of books on magical research. Thalmor law in Elsweyr forbade the practice of Conjuration without a license, and while his Illusion and Destruction mastery was nothing to sneer at, his real forte was in the art of Alteration. His prodigious skill in Alteration was enough to convince his parents to send him to the illustrious College at the age of 27. On arrival in Windhelm, J’akuro paid his carriage driver to take him to Solitude, planning to travel from there to Castle Volkihar. The carriage was accosted by a small-time bandit somewhere by Helgen, and in J’akuro’s pursuit of the horse thief he was became accidentally involved in the capture of Ulfric Stormcloak by the Imperial Legion. As he was not on the list for execution in Helgen, the cat created a new name, K’uro Leliel, derived from the Akaviri word for night and the ancient Imperial name for Nocturnal. Hadvar just called him “Prisoner.” Following Alduin’s attack on Helgen and K’uro’s quick escape, he discovered he was Dragonborn while doing work for the Jarl of Whiterun. He soon found himself caught up in an adventure that he figured would be higher priority than becoming a Vampire.

During his long and admittedly drawn out quest to defeat Alduin, he found himself reunited with his old friend Vivian while in Solitude. He learned about the struggling Dragonborn Gallery, a project managed by his family’s old friend Auryen Morellus, and how Vivian was having trouble finding artifacts to populate the empty museum. Feeling a bit of nostalgia from both meeting his friend and how the museum reminded him of home, K’uro made a deal with the Museum as Dragonborn to donate any artifacts he found during his quests, which turned out to be quite a lot. Following the defeat of Alduin, K’uro was hailed as a hero throughout Skyrim (i.e. a few backpats from some bards and Tamriel’s version of a goddamn ticker tape parade), though it was after leaving Sovngarde that he was reminded of his original purpose of even coming to Skyrim in the first place. By that time Vivian had left K’uro to recover a priceless artifact in Elsweyr, so he was able to covertly travel to Solitude and make good on the empty promise of that vampire thief from his childhood.

The Story Coming In

Sometime after assuming the position of Head Vampire by killing Harkon (granted, the man did betray K’uro first), K’uro was visited by the mysterious Dragon Mask, who thrust upon him an Elder Scroll before jumping out the nearest window. The Scroll (Team) foretold of a prophecy from another universe, detailing how K’uro and three other people, represented by a skull, a bee, and a sword, would band together to prevent the rise of a great evil surrounding a specific birth. Soon he finds himself at the Throat of the World once again, though the Time Wound looked different this time. It was a Tear (note, not a Rift, meaning someone opened it up specifically for him) leading to the Teambase. Always up for a new challenge, K’uro packed up a few Blood Potions and throwing knives before jumping in.

Washing up on the beach of the Teambase, K’uro discovered two things. One, his powers were dampened while in the realm. Two, he was in a new world of possibly hundreds of variably powered individuals, thus equalizing his former god-like power. All of this he learned when he attempted to forcefully “convince” the resident security officer Mappy to tell him where the hell he ended up, only to find the rather flabby and loafsome mouse easily parrying his attacks and incapacitating the vampire. It being almost constantly sunny on the Boardwalk didn’t help. Passing out on the beach, K’uro finds himself awakening to his new boss, a pink princess made out of candy. Willing to help the cat vampire in exchange for watching over the mysterious time traveler who washed up before him, PB gave K’uro a Team Communicator, knowing that his powers could be useful beyond simple fieldwork, and also because she knew that she should not leave this irresponsible casanova do anything without careful supervision.

K’uro’s adventures with the time-traveler, an amnesiac Gallade named Muramasa (simply shortened to Murray because Muramasa is a mouthful), are catalogued in the story’s third Part, set 5 years after Part 2, where the Teams are actually established as a proper organization. During these escapades, mostly focusing on stopping the multiversal threat of Nataraja, Lord of the Dance , he becomes smitten with Part I protagonist Sammy Masamune, who himself is much more infatuated with his childhood best friend Melanie. Firm in his distaste for needless love triangles, K’uro decides to win the affections of Sammy by impressing both Sammy and Melanie. He (tries) to achieve this by using some of his divine favors, specifically that of Dibella, the god of femininity, mistakenly believing her to be god of fertility (which may or may not be true in some circles, but here he’s speaking to Nord Dibella, who is most definitely not fertility). This is especially stupid considering that he had another favor from the actual god of family and fertility, Mara. This reckless wish bargaining is an attempt to help Sammy and Melanie bear a child, after learning from Teambase gossip of their infertility due to Egg Groups.

The wish goes wrong, naturally. Dibella was more than willing to exchange her boon of attraction upon K’uro (which he didn’t really need to begin with) for a wish, though as Gods in the TES universe are “people” in their own right, she may have gotten some things wrong. Okay, many things wrong. Nord Dibella had no idea how to start a pregnancy, much less a non-human one, and even much less a non-human one from outside her domain. Still, she made good on her offer to the one who saved her Sybil long ago and technically granted the couple pregnancy. PB, knowing that

Pokemon lay eggs and thus don’t have live pregnancies.

Sammy, as a Samurott and a mammal type thing, and Melanie, as a Leavanny and bug/plant thing, would logically have no way of breeding ever unless something was up.

K’uro is not as good as hiding secrets as he thinks he is, and also the communicator has a camera on it.

-promptly caught on to K’uro’s shenanigans, and with the help of resident diviner Ed the Undying, deduced that said pregnancy would manage to kill both the child and its parents, as well as release the demon bound to Melanie at birth, thus destroying the Teambase. Of course, thiss information had to be kept under wraps for fear of panic, and thus K’uro and Murray’s mission changed from stopping Nataraja first to fixing the huge problem K’uro managed to start by not checking who he has favors from.

So I’m going to keep this critique shorter. Most of the things I brought up in K’uro’s last submission have not been addressed, and I’m disappointed about that.

Under his appearance section, instead of giving me more details on K’uro’s actual appearance, you’ve just described more of his clothing to me. That’s really not helpful in understanding or visualizing your character. Clothing can be changed. Body type, facial features, fur patterns, the things that actually make K’uro unique, are still missing.

You haven’t changed anything about K’uro’s personality section, so my comments about that still stand. His desire to win Sammy’s affection and his want to help Sammy and Melanie start a family is something to work towards, for sure, but I’m surprised that K’uro doesn’t want anything more at the moment.

I stand by what I said earlier that K’uro has too much going on. Whether his powers in this story are stunted or not, that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve still created him to be the best at everything he’s attempted to do. He’s still the chosen one, he’s still the best vampire and the best magician, and he’s still winning favors from deities left and right. You said those deals became null and void, but how is that the case when he calls in a favor from one of those deities later in the story? How can K’uro trade a boon that he’s forfeited by leaving his universe behind? K’uro still doesn’t seem to have any room for conflict or growth based on what you’ve given him. His current story feels like an epilogue that has no relation to his ‘real’ character arc and does nothing to tie up the loose ends that have been left behind–because you’ve given him no loose ends. ~Cori

#SOC Critique #OC Critique #Backstory Help #Development Help #submission

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simplyoriginalcharacters · 7 years

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K'uro Leliel (The Prisoner)

This is an Elder Scrolls OC adapted from my Skyrim playthrough character. The universe he exists in is a multiverse fic consisting of characters from different universes in some sort of task force.

Basic Appearance

K’uro is a brown-furred Khajiit, with black stripes and yellow eyes. He has black pupils and rather prominent fangs as a result of his vampirism. His standard outfit consists of a black leather cuirass over a puffy blood-red shirt, with black steel pauldrons, black cape, and black baggy pants fitting into his Vampire Boots. Basically he’s wearing the Vampire Royal Armor from Skyrim. In direct sunlight he wears a black leather hood that half-negates his natural weakness to sunlight. His default expression is a mixture of smug and seductive, that will either make you want to swoon or punch him square in the jaw. Generally, it’s the latter.

Cori here! Read the rest of the profile and my critique under the cut.

Personality

K’uro Leliel is a hedonistic but otherwise lovingly passionate pansexual Khajiit Vampire Lord with a propensity for bad decisions preceding extreme capability. Behind his reckless and party-animal exterior lies a deceptively well-educated individual thanks to his scholarly childhood. K’uro is rather charismatic and seductive, though these are mostly for fleeting flings and bribery. When he truly, genuinely loves an individua, he proves to be a passionate and genuine lover who heartily accepts the idea of a poly relationship. He has a tendency to get involved in people’s business, generally to coax the prospect of a quest and maybe a reward. This is sometimes (commonly) interpreted as an insult. K’uro is not a heavily religious man, despite having sold his soul to no less than 18 deities and demons, but otherwise believes in the idea of Talos worship. He acts before he thinks more often than not, but is quick at assessing a situation. Nordic artifacts tends to gravitate towards him, though he is much more fascinated by Akaviri and Vampiric artifacts. Despite his tendency to get into bad situations in the pursuit of fortune, he displays a considerable capability and confidence not otherwise seen elsewhere. He may be a guile hero, but he has an eye for an eye moral code that he follows to a tee.\

Powers

K’uro, as both a Vampire Lord and the Dovahkiin, is an extremely powerful individual. He has mastery over a wide variety of Shouts (most commonly Whirlwind Sprint, Slow Time, Unrelenting Force, and Drain Vitality), in addition to a variant of Vampire Blood Magic. Said variant utilizes a form of half-transformation, allowing K’uro to maintain his Khajiit form without fully becoming the monstrous form normally seen by a Vampire, though while in this state he does take on some of the form’s ghoulish features to a lesser degree. The form of Vampire Lord grants K’uro a powerful offensive blast of life-draining energy, the ability to raise moderately powerful corpses, short-range teleportation via turning into bats, increased strength, and the ability to turn his hands into monstrous claws. He can also channel blood not only from his mouth but also his claws, which is a little-known feature of vampiric Khajiits only undiscovered due to the rarity of said combination. Apart from the Thu’um and the powers granted unto him by his vampiric nature, K’uro is secretly one of the greatest masters of Alteration magic in Tamriel. While the status seems rather dull given that Alteration is not as flashy as Destruction or Illusion, K’uro’s creative uses of its techniques would rival the most flashiest of Destruction infernos. Whether it be effortless telekinesis, stopping time within an radius, constant levitation, or even the creation of steamroller-sized stones from thin air. He manages to hide his status as an Alteration Master due to how often he uses it as a mundane utility that no one seems to question, or otherwise passes off as standard Vampire Lord powers. In sunlight his powers are halved, he loses his natural healing factor, and is extremely susceptible to fire magic. He also can’t be healed by most means aside from drinking blood.

Backstory

During his quest to defeat Alduin, he found himself reunited with his old friend Vivian while in Solitude. He learned about the struggling Dragonborn Gallery, a project managed by his family’s old friend Auryen Morellus, and how Vivian was having trouble finding artifacts to populate the empty museum. Feeling a bit of nostalgia from both meeting his friend and how the museum reminded him of home, K’uro made a deal with the Museum as Dragonborn to donate any artifacts he found during his quests, which turned out to be quite a lot. Following the defeat of Alduin, K’uro was hailed as a hero throughout Skyrim, though it was after leaving Sovngarde that he was reminded of his original purpose of even coming to Skyrim in the first place. By that time Vivian had left K’uro to recover a priceless artifact in Elsweyr, so he was able to covertly travel to Solitude and make good on the empty promise of that vampire thief from his childhood.

Receiving the Gift from Lord Harkon, K’uro proved himself while retrieving both Serana and the Bloodstone Chalice in quick succession. However, even after speaking with Serana, he had his doubts about the Vampire Lord himself. Traveling to the Soul Cairn and back and traversing the Forgotten Vale, K’uro found himself completing the very prophecy that inspired him to become a Vampire Lord. Following the retrieval of Auriel’s Bow, K’uro and Serana promptly used it to defeat Lord Harkon, resulting in K’uro becoming Lord of the Volkihar Clan.

Hello, thanks for your submission! Let’s see what K’uro’s all about.

First off, I want to say that K’uro’s appearance section is pretty vague. I’m not really getting a good idea of what your character looks like based off your description. You said this was a character for some kind of crossover story, which means you might get some readers who aren’t familiar with the Elder Scrolls. With that in mind my first suggestion is to pretend you’re trying to describe your character to someone who has no idea what The Elder Scrolls is. What, pray tell, is a Khajiit? How do they look different from other races in Tamriel? Keep this part simple, however–don’t spend two paragraphs trying to explain everything about Khajiit to your reader.

(Also, you might be aware that there are many forms of Khajiit–don’t get bogged down trying to teach your readers the names of every single form. As long as people understand the general SHAPE of your character, in-universe terms are irrelevant.)

Once your readers understand what a Khajiit is, go into some more details about his actual features. Give me the shape of his eyes, ears, and nose, the styling of his hair, any kind of markings or features that would help to differentiate him from other Khajiit. Describe his height and body type to me–I know Skyrim doesn’t give you a lot of options for body customization, but there’s a lot of variety out there that could help to distinguish your character.

Personality-wise, I have a basic idea of what K’uro is like, but I’d like to see more detail here. What I’m getting at the moment is that K’uro is not much more than a typical RPG character–which is to say he’s nosy, he’s manipulative, and he’s aggressive. Based on the way most western RPGs are designed around fighting monsters and getting quests from strangers, I think it’s safe to say that most RPG avatars could be described the way you’ve described K’uro. It’s not a very exciting or unique combination of traits on its own. How are you going to make your RPG character different from every other person’s RPG character? I’d also like to point out that I really have no idea what’s currently motivating K’uro in any way. The goals and motivations that you gave me in this profile all seem to be past tense–K’uro’s already gotten what he’s wanted. He’s achieved his dream of being a Vampire lord. He saved the world. What more is there for him to do? How are you planning on developing K’uro beyond what he was at the end of his original story–what new character arc is he going to go through?

Let’s touch on that backstory now. I’m just going to say plainly that I think you have way too much going on with your character at the moment. Not only is K’uro Dragonborn, which is basically the Tamriel equivalent of ‘The Chosen One’, but he is also a master of magic, the lord of vampires, AND he’s got the attention of “18 deities and demons”. This Khajiit has been sticking his fingers in a lot of pies.

I get that Skyrim is a big game, and it has a lot of stuff for you to do with your character without imposing any kind of limitations. I’ve played enough of the game to have one character be in charge of basically every single guild, clique, and scout troop across the country. But we’re talking about a game that can be played for over 100 hours. There’s simply no good or practical way to cram everything you do in your game into a story for other people to read. For one thing, if all you’re doing is retelling the same story from the game, people who are familiar with the game are going to feel like they have nothing new to gain from reading your story. “Oh, this is the part where he defeats the dragon and learns that he’s Dragonborn. I’ve already seen this part myself five times.” For another thing, written stories and video games are drastically different mediums, and you will likely find that the plot holes that people didn’t care about in a video game will bother them greatly in a story–for example, they might question why any daedra or divine would trust K’uro to devote himself to them when he’s already ‘devoted’ himself to three of their rivals. Also, why would K’uro use the fact that he’s a vampire to hide his skill with magic? I feel like even in a scenario where magic is frowned upon, being a vampire would be considered a worse offense. Shouldn’t it be reversed, where K’uro is claiming that his vampiric abilities are just “really, really advanced magic!”?

All in all, I don’t know what direction you’re planning on taking K’uro in the future. It’s not very fun to read about a character who is done with their personal growth arc, so I hope that you’ve got something in mind for him. Without any hints as to what, however, this character feels incomplete. My recommendation for you is to cut back on how many things K’uro has “mastered” to make his backstory seem more coherent and less cluttered. Does he really have to be a master vampire AND a master magician AND the chosen one AND the champion of eighteen Princes of Oblivion? Give him some room for improvement so that he has something to do in this story you’re planning, which I’m assuming happens after the events of Skyrim. There’s no chance for conflict if your character is already ‘the best’ at everything.

Keep working on it! ~Cori

#SOC Critique #OC Critique #submission

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simplyoriginalcharacters · 7 years

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K'URO LELIEL (Once more, with style)

I have taken your adivce and reworked his entire backstory rather than just tweak it slightly like I did last time. I have also included a relationships section. Thank you.

Profile and review are under the cut. ~Cori

Appearance

Personality

K’uro Leliel is a hedonistic but otherwise lovingly passionate pansexual Khajiit Vampire Lord with a propensity for bad decisions preceding extreme capability K’uro is rather charismatic and seductive, though these are mostly for fleeting flings and bribery. When he truly, genuinely loves an individua, he proves to be a passionate and genuine lover who heartily accepts the idea of a poly relationship. He has a tendency to get involved in people’s business, generally to coax the prospect of a quest and maybe a reward. This is sometimes (commonly) interpreted as an insult. K’uro is not a heavily religious man, despite having sold his soul to no less than 18 deities and demons, but otherwise believes in the idea of Talos worship. (Note: These deities like to make good on their promises, and don’t like it when people decide to escape their realm of influence to escape their wrath) He acts before he thinks more often than not, but is quick at assessing a situation. Despite his tendency to get into bad situations in the pursuit of fortune, he displays a considerable capability and confidence not otherwise seen elsewhere. His scholarly background has made him keen on collecting, to a near obsessive degree, and as a result tends to hoard things he considers “historically significant” or “possibly useful later”.

Powers

Story

Born J’akuro Levatharel in the deserts of Elsweyr, the cat vampire had an unorthodox childhood. His large family often traveled between the provinces of Elsweyr to the Morrowind City of Blacklight, as longstanding members of a once-powerful archeologists’ guild. He never really had any permanent friends as a kid, given his frequent travels between countries. Like the rest of his siblings, J’akuro was subjected to rigorous study by his parents, so that they may pass on the family legacy of archeology. J’akuro, however, much preferred the exciting worlds of fright and fearsomeness of the various pulp magazines he picked up in various Blacklight bookstores. J’akuro became enamored with vampires, admiring their powers over the night and their inherent mystery. He was especially fond of the supposedly true tales of the great Volkihar Clan of Skyrim, who lurked secretly on every corner of the globe, prophesied to blot out the sun with the bow of a god. It was cheesy as hell, but the cat ate it up. He began to imagine himself as one of the pulp heroes, a gallant vampire warrior who struck from the shadows with magicks untold, a sentiment that lasted up until adulthood

As an adult, his parents were advised by a friend of theirs to send J’akuro to the College of Winterhold in Skyrim, having sensed the cat’s latent skill with Alteration magic. Believing he could take this opportunity to seek out the fabled Volkihar Vampires, J’akuro took the opportunity in stride. Unfortunately, his first carriage driver into Skyrim from Morrowind was sacked by Argonian raiders, and the second one was a horse thief who led them both into an Imperial trap alongside a platoon of Stormcloak rebels, and promptly sent to be executed. One burnt down village later and K’uro (as he now called himself) discovered he was a Dragonborn. While not exactly the vampire lord he expected, he was a hero nonetheless, and thus set out to do whatever the next person told him to do.

As Dragonborn, K’uro mostly used his hero status to party down on free drinks and revelry, impress ladies and gents with the Thu’um, and also use the Thu’um to scare Skooma dealers into giving him their stock for free. He was not exactly what Skyrim thought the Dragonborn would be, but with dragons tearing apart their country, they had to settle for this hedonistic party animal cat person. Still, despite the cat’s propensity towards flouting Daedric influence in public and never really showing any kind of heroic mercy, the people admired K’uro’s earnest dedication towards helping Skyrim. The fact that despite his dark exterior he always tried to do what was right was, in their eyes, a step in the right direction towards the people’s idea of their great Nordic hero. Eventually K’uro managed to save the world (if temporarily) by defeating Alduin and finally put an end to the dragon infestation in Skyrim, though this was quickly replaced by the somewhat less threatening threat of vampires. Rather than try to purge the threat however, K’uro took the opportunity to fulfill his childhood dream of becoming a Vampire Hero. In doing so, he learned that for once the pulp novels were true, inadvertantly fulfilling the Prophecy of the Sun. However, having become Dragonborn and also having killed a reincarnation of the god of time, K’uro felt that the whole prophecy deal had become the norm for him, and that even ancient vampire Snow Elves and backstabbing Vampire Lords were no match for a guy who saved the entire plane of existence. For once in his life, K’uro was bored.

Now the Lord of Vampires and Savior of Skyrim, K’uro, with all his riches, pining suitors, and applause, felt somewhat empty. The most difficult challenge he had right now was to mostly juggle between keeping his status as a Vampire Lord secret to the rest of Skyrim, which itself was a breeze due to vampire-augmented Illusion Magic. Having fulfilled his dreams of becoming a Vampire Hero with everything he ever wanted at his fingertips, K’uro wanted something to shake up the doldrums of having his quest be over. His calls were answered when a mysterious interloper wearing a Dragon Priest Mask burst into his manor. Before the interloper, who called himself the Dragon Mask, could be apprehended by the Volkihar Vampires he thrust upon K’uro an Elder Scroll bearing the Akaviri symbol “nakama”, before vanishing in a burst arcane energy. K’uro finally had a quest again. Deciding to take the “easy” route of reading the Scroll by going to the Time Wound, he opened the Scroll only to be sucked in unprepared. At the very least he had prepared for some kind of fight.

Said fight would happen soon after washing up on the beach of the Teambase. Still woozy from the combination of reading an Elder Scroll, his mental clock realigning, and also it being really, really sunny, K’uro was not in the best position to fight at all, not even for the night (day?) guard Mappy, who promptly proceeded to curb-stomp the accomplished hero in seconds. As a beachside entrant, and thus assumedly very important, the guard took the unconscious vampire to the leader of the Teams, PB. Taking the time to interview the vampire while he was still weakened, PB learned of his world-saving repertoire and was intrigued by his powers. Determining that K’uro’s talents would be wasted as a normal field agent, PB took the opportunity of creating a new Team, pairing K’uro with Murray, another beachside entrant suffering from very specific amnesia. The fact that the two shared an experience with the apparently dimension-hopping Dragon Mask was in fact a complete coincidence in regards to her choice.

K’uro’s adventures with Murray, are catalogued in the story’s third Part, set 5 years after Part 2, where the Teams are actually established as a proper organization. During these escapades, mostly focusing on stopping the multiversal threat of Nataraja, Lord of the Dance , he becomes smitten with Part I protagonist Sammy Masamune, who himself is much more infatuated with his childhood best friend Melanie. Firm in his distaste for needless love triangles, K’uro decides to win the affections of Sammy by impressing both Sammy and Melanie. He (tries) to achieve this by using up one of his two remaining Divine boons, acquired from Mara and Dibella during his quests in Skyrim, to bargain with said deity for a wish. Not exactly a specialist in Tamriel theology, he mistook Dibella for Mara, assuming that the former’s association with femininity and sex also applied to fertility. Note: it does not. Asking a god to grant a birth is one thing. Asking for it to be done on someone outside of the god’s realm, on a completely different species, is another thing.

The wish goes wrong, naturally. Dibella was more than willing to exchange her boon of attraction upon K’uro (which he didn’t really need to begin with) for a wish, though as he managed to use up his wish on the wrong god. Dibella indeed granted the pregnancy, but a combination of her own inability to truly carry out the task, and possibly some form of punishing intervention by Arkay and Stendarr, made it go… wrong. Melanie was suddenly pregnant, for much longer than expected. PB, knowing that

Pokemon lay eggs and thus don’t have live pregnancies.

Sammy, as a Samurott and a mammal type thing, and Melanie, as a Leavanny and bug/plant thing, would logically have no way of breeding ever unless something was up.

K’uro is not as good as hiding secrets as he thinks he is.

-promptly caught on to K’uro’s shenanigans, and with the help of resident diviner Ed the Undying, deduced that said pregnancy would manage to kill both the child and its parents, as well as release the demon bound to Melanie at birth, thus destroying the Teambase. Of course, this information had to be kept under wraps for fear of panic, and thus K’uro and Murray’s main mission changed from fighting off the multiversal threat of Nataraja the Dancing God to stopping the entire Teambase from being destroyed.

Relationships

K’uro’s development revolves around his relationship with his Teammates/boss, dealing with the various antics of the various Daedric Princes he accidentally gave dimension-jumping powers to, and shaping up to be a responsible, decent individual all of the time rather than just “when it gives me a better reward”. He also desires to learn more about the “nakama” Elder Scroll, preferably by finding the Dragon Mask. This gets complicated when it becomes ever clearer that the Dragon Mask is in fact himself, somehow.

- With Murray - K’uro has an initial rivalry with Murray, as K’uro by principle had long preferred to work alone. However, the kid grows on him, to the point where he considers Murray to be like his apprentice or the kids he never asked for but always deserved. The feeling is mutual until it becomes apparent that Murray is the very child that K’uro wished upon Sammy and Melanie, making the whole thing really weird as it turns out K’uro is, in fact, Murray’s father by proxy of Divine intervention. Still, K’uro sees this as yet another step in becoming a responsible individual.

- With DEATH - As an immortal, murderous vampire lord who is also a dragonborn cat person, even K’uro recognizes that he is most definitely the worst person for DEATH to learn about the details of humanity from. He also really doesn’t like the fact that DEATH has no volume control over their voice. Still, he finds the Reaper’s naivety charming and tries to mean well for them. To an extent he believes sucking up to this Grim Reaper will preserve him from dealing with Arkay on his eventual trip to Sovngarde.

- With the Beegirl - K’uro is the first to sense something more than just a really powerful Stand in the Beegirl, and is convinced that the child is either possessed by Daedra or a Daedra herself. He does not appreciate PB giving him the equivalent of babysitting a demon. Despite this, he still treats Beegirl as if she was a normal child, and tries to be the bigger person and protect her, even though he suspects that she is probably more powerful than him.

- With Sammy - K’uro is in love with Sammy, despite knowing that he already has a mate and that he’s also from a different universe. Still, his affection for Sammy as well as the Samurott’s almost sickeningly saccharine pure heart seems to have done something to the cat vampire, reviving a long-suppressed desire to shape up for once.

- With Melanie - K’uro is also kind of in love with Melanie to a lesser extent than his affection for Sammy. He admires her magical strength and her headstrong personality. He does not in anyway doubt that Melanie is a good match for Sammy, which is what inspires him to suggest a poly relationship so they can both love Sammy.

- With the Daedric Princes - Most of the Daedric Princes are pretty pissed that their high-value Dovahkiin soul is just buggering off their plane of playtime, and now granted with their own multiversal-jumping powers, have decided to try and do what they do best: pester an (im)mortal. The exceptions to this are Sanguine, who still considers K’uro to be his “bro”, Sheogorath, whose Hero of Kvatch aspect keeps him tame, and Azura, mainly because K’uro is no longer tied to, and thus fucking over, her rival Nocturnal following his fall into the Teambase.

- With Stendarr and Arkay - While most of the Divines were fine with K’uro, even admiring his progress towards helping their followers, Stendarr and Arkay were not as pleased. Stendarr disapproved highly of K’uro’s deals with the Daedra, and also siding with the very vampires that razed his followers’ base to ashes. Arkay, as the Divine of Life and Death, does not appreciate having the great hero prophesized by the Nords for eons be a bastardization of his realms, a desecrator of the honorable dead. They actively hinder the progress of Team Darkhero, and it is Arkay who summons DEATH to punish K’uro for his misdeeds against the dead.

Here’s the thing, friend: I appreciate that you’ve reworked K’uro’s backstory based on what I’ve said about him in my previous two reviews. But you don’t seem to be listening to/reading my entire line of criticism. I asked you to give me more details about K’uro’s appearance and you gave me a description of his outfit. When I told you that wasn’t what I was looking for, you took that part out–without adding the description I asked for.

I’ve told you that K’uro has too much going on and I’ve explained my reasoning, and you haven’t listened or responded to my comments on that. If you choose not to take my advice on that, that’s fine–it’s ultimately your decision. But the fact that you keep sending K’uro’s profile back tells me that you want my approval, and I stand by what I’ve said in my last two reviews: It’s very difficult to cram everything that a character can do during a 100+ hour video game into a book that people are willing to read without it feeling like a slog. A written story is a very different medium from a game that you can play and interact with. Cuts have to be made for the sake of length and your reader’s attention.

Everything you’ve told me in detail about K’uro’s current adventure has been about Sammy and Melanie and their ‘impossible pregnancy’. While I get that K’uro is a catalyst behind that, he really doesn’t seem like the main character in this conflict. You mentioned earlier, in a single sentence, that he goes on an adventure with another character to stop a ‘multiversal threat’. That honestly sounds ten times more interesting than K’uro’s attempts to win Sammy’s affection. The stakes feel higher, it sounds more like an actual adventure. Why have you not told me anything about that part of his adventure? K’uro’s adventures in Skyrim would have made a good story. K’uro’s quest to stop a massive threat to the fabric of reality would have made a good story. Compared to that, his attempts to win over Sammy and Melanie just sounds like…fluff.

I know that Melanie’s pregnancy has this looming threat of a demon being set loose, but…compared to a world-ending terror, the POSSIBILITY of a demon being set free is a much smaller stake. This part of the story still feels like an epilogue. Or a midpoint between two bigger, more serious crises.

Personality-wise there’s a lot of dissonance between different aspects of K’uro. I have a hard time comprehending how a self-serving party boy who only seems to care about personal gain would have an ‘earnest dedication’ towards helping Skyrim. You could argue that he has no choice, I suppose, seeing how if the world is destroyed then K’uro wouldn’t be getting any more free drinks. But saving the world to preserve a life of comfort does not equal being EARNEST about the task at hand.

Nothing about K’uro’s personality has really been changed and I’m still not seeing a lot of room for personal growth. Like…okay, you’ve mentioned that K’uro is going to attempt to become a ‘better’ person. But that’s such a vague thing to aim for. Is he going to become…less selfish? Less of a party animal? Less manipulative? Is he going to maybe stop poking his nose into the affairs of others in his quest for personal gain? I don’t know what you’re going for here.

Adding in a relationship section doesn’t really do anything to help me understand K’uro better as a person. It seems like you mainly used this section to give me more details about your story as a whole, which is really just making things harder to follow.

I have an assignment for you. Should you decide to resubmit K’uro again, I want you to rewrite his profile. Don’t just take the profile you’ve already made and edit it or add an extra sentence here and there (I’ve seen the exact same typo in all three versions of this profile). Rewrite the profile and as you’re going over each section, ask yourself these questions: “How will this help my readers see K’uro? What will they think of him? What do I WANT them to think of him? Is this the most exciting part of K’uro’s story? Is THIS part of the story going to keep readers interested? What is K’uro going to learn, and how is he going to change from the beginning to the end?”

You have a personal investment in the story you want to tell. Your readers don’t have that. It’s your job to hook them and MAKE them invested so they want to continue reading. Work hard at at. ~Cori

#SOC Critique #OC Critique #Development Help #submission

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