#this took me so long bc i rly thought about what i was gonna say lmao

[mrs-kelly]

When I look back on when I first watched aIways sunny and my attitude about Charlie from the beginning it’s like. Rly funny to me ahdjfl bc I was immediately on Charlie’s side, like from the first moment. Dennis and Mac were being suspicious of him and mean and I remember immediately being like “hey what the hell :( be niceys to this man” even tho I only knew him for like. A minute maybe ahdjfl

#soemthing about him immediately charmed me like I came out of that episode thinking he had so much beauty and love in his heart and no one- #appreciated it #it was like I saw him and immediately clicked into blorbo mode like. I rly liked him ahdjffl #I was just unsure abt focusing on him bc. people in aIways sunny can be so shitty shfjfl #so I decided I’d wait to rly pursue anything with him until I’d seen a lot more of him #until I could see if my perception of him was right #and it’s like. idk why it took me 5 years to do that. idk why it took me that long to decide to watch the show #and even when I decided to watch it I was telling myself that I *wouldnt* fall for him #bc what I’d learned abt aIways sunny since then was. even worse ahdjfl #so I thought he must’ve been that bad #and Charlie’s not perfect like. don’t get me wrong. he does some bad things #but as I watched. I realized my idea of him was right from the beginning #and the more I saw of him the more I loved him #I remember making a post abt him when he was a secret crush and saying that I was freaking out bc the more I saw of him the more I liked #and I wasn’t gonna be able to stop myself from falling in love with him #and I was right. and it’s still true. the more I see of him the more I love him #every day I spend with him I love him more and more #and it’s like. I always kinda thought that would happen. but I was afraid I’d be wrong #and so I waited so long!! and for what ahdjfkfl #I knew from the first second that we had a connection man. and I doubted it #but I guess there’s no way I could’ve known it would be like this. even with the immediate familiarity I felt. the immediate care #it’s just funny to remember that I did feel something different. I did see he was special #it just. took awhile for the right time to come around I guess #ren speaks #renlie

[rpfisfine]

more things from the linz show

i will preface this by saying i wasn't able to get the vip golden circle section of the floor when i was buying the tickets so i """"only"""" stood right behind the barricade that separated the vip section from the normal section of the floor and while i mourned quite intensely not being as close to the stage as i had originally hoped for a moment i'm now realizing i have pretty much nothing to complain abt bc the spot i got was still pretty amazing. the reason i'm saying this is that if any of this turns out to be inaccurate or feels lacking it's because there were times where i had a pretty suckass view of the stage bc someone's head was in the way and i'm 5'3 LOL. but like 75% of the time i was able to see everything & i had the best time at the show : -)

they took SO LONG to come onstage after inhaler came out which is understandable considering it's their first show after a slight break so everything has to be put in order again but it was still so confusing lmao we were cheering like 3 or 4 separate times while the sound technician guys were still bringing out gear every time it got slightly dark bc we thought this was finally it but it never was. idk if the length & the confusion was like amplified by the fact that my legs & back were actively killing me and i was starving and dying and desperate for them to finally come out but yeah. many such cases

this thing was briefly displayed during the sound checking at one point. is it like. a car wheel.

there was literally the weirdest deal with the security guys at the barricade. before the show started they brought out this huge tank of water with two long packs of paper cups & everyone around me pretty much concluded that like oh they're gonna hand out water to ppl if they feel thirsty. makes sense. but then when ppl started reaching out their hands asking for a drink the security guy would like start laughing and tell us that it isn't drinking water (?) plus there were other security guys coming over to tell him not to give us the water but when ppl begged rly intensely he would hand them a cup. like rly reluctantly & mostly ignoring the ppl right against the barricade & only giving it to the ppl in like the third or four row AND also laughing at us the whole time like this is the last one i'm giving you guys!!! at this point i had run out of my own water & couldn't leave my spot to go out and buy a drink so i didn't care abt anything and was one of the ppl who were reaching out their hands but he always ignored me even though he stood right in front of me LOL. fast forward to the end of the am show and there is a different security guy at the barricade and he's like giving water to EVERYONE who barely lifts a finger to ask for it no problem & no one is like actively preventing him from doing it anymore. so. literally no clue what that one was about

my honest reaction to inhaler after seeing them for the 1st time not knowing any songs: really good!!!!! very good energy. will admit that all the songs pretty much sounded the same to me but a couple of them stood out and during 'if you're gonna break my heart' a lot of us did the waving the phone flashlights thing and the photographer took a picture of us <3

there were two girls at the barricade next to me who looked like this 😐🙄😒 the entire time + only knew the lyrics to snap out of it & diwk + only got excited when they played a song off of am and one of them was actively browsing tiktok at several points during the show & i was like okay. what was even like the point of you coming to the show then why don't we all kill ourselves. but whatever

(also they literally just spent the show recording like 1 minute long videos of every song & blocking my view of the stage w the phones i wanted to shred and murder)

when they came out with sculptures i. had a moment. also he did the lifting the mic stand thing again as usual. Classic

brianstorm is insane live. we all know this. yet i still wasn't prepared like matt is quite genuinely a beast

alex was saying soooooo much stupid shit i’m forgetting a lot of what he said but most of it was just like shouting "LINZ!!!" he rly enjoyed that one. also he said "hello!!!" at one point as well as asking us like how we were doing and thanking us :-)

overall he seemed to be having a great time like he sounded genuinely excited & like obviously pleased at how enthusiastic the crowd was <3

when they got to the 'but it don't sound much like you' part in snap out of it i was wondering whether he'd say 'girl' or 'mama' but he said darling......

he announced crying lightning by just shouting "crying lightning!!" like. spitting straight facts i guess. same thing with pretty visitors but he didn’t shout that one he just like Said it. I guess

during the last verse before the solo in don't sit down he sang 'but just don't sit down because i moved your chair.........OVER THEREEEEEEEEE' IT WAS SOOOOOO MY JAW GENUINELY DROPPED HIS VOICE IS SO GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT..

also what ppl have said aby his voice irl being higher than you'd expect is so true!!!! in a rly strange way it's not rly as deep as the videos make it out to be like there is a quality to the tone/pitch of his voice that doesn't really translate through like recorded footage. doesthat make sense

they played these short little instrumental interludes between the songs like they always do but at one point it genuinely sounded as if they were gonna play when the sound goes down. they didn't but honestly seeing how the rest of the show turned out i honestlyfinal think that would've been like the final nail to my coffin

ppl waved their arms during the pretty visitors chorus!!! (i also waved them)

SUCK IT AND SEE...............i'm honestly still in disbelief like it started out soooo slow and quiet and beautiful and sad and gradual without guitar it honestly took me like 7 seconds to even recognize the song bc out of all of the new additions to the setlist i was expecting to witness that song was NOT . one of them

after sias he said 'thank you linz..........sensational....' or sth to that effect i think. blushing and kicking my feet

i'm not joking when i say i'm literally like typing this through a mist of sweat bc i still haven't recovered but yeah immediately after sias ended he said sth like 'we'd like to play a song from our latest record called the car now' so I’m already SCREAMING like browsing the album in my head like okay big ideas i ain’t quite hello you maybe. and he goes 'it's called perfect sense' .

to make a long story short i barely got out of that one alive like hearing & singing 'sometimes i wrap my head around it all and it makes perfect sense' while being in the process of witnessing something you know you're gonna spend the next like six months actively trying to wrap your head around to make it make sense is UM.

ANYWAY. STAR TREATMENT WAS SOOOOOO INCREDIBLE & SO BEAUTIFUL i will forever defend it as the best version of the song there is unless they outdo themselves of course like the guitar arrangement is AMAZING. also the lights were sooooo pretty during it they like orbited the arch around matt's drumkit & illuminated the ceiling & everything......sooooo pretty + alex's voice was AMAZING

also i spent a few more hours brain searching and yeah i'm pretty sure he said 'i just wanted a jet ski for the moat' instead of 'i just wanted to be one of the strokes' at the beginning BUT i'm like 99% sure i heard 'i just wanted to be a jet ski on the moat' at first which i'm devastated isn't the case because that would be the silliest fucking thing ever but alas. it's still SO funny

jamie is such a king..................out of the 4 of them he was the one i had the best view of & he sat down to play the keyboard for two songs i think four out of five was one of them and 505 the other. and he SLAYED IT

NICK IS SO BEAUTIFUL.................................

everyone’s backing vocals were AMAZING

before they played fluorescent adolescent alex said sth like 'take it away, matthew...' EVERYONE SCREAMED SOOOOOOOO LOUD when they started playing the song the girls next to me were like covering their mouths in surprise & we all went completely insane

like genuinely the crowd was . DEAFENING at times esp during the bigger songs like i was actively shouting at the top of my lungs and i COULDN'T HEAR MYSELF. it was INCREDIBLE genuinely like it exceeded my wildest expectations my ears are still ringing

#im forgetting so many things while also like actively doubting my memory abt all of this like did i genuinely hallucinate the whole show. #don’t reblog this yet guys im adding another . part. help me

[rubyneo]

so (claps my hands together) they 100% misused neo here. they shouldve shown her and what she was doing in EA more. what screen time they did give her was often underwhelming. i had a complete lack of reaction to a certain kiss (& the whole scene honestly). it literally did nothing for me. just like. Ok. finally. it was dumb as fuck that yang was more concerned about defending blake from rubys outburst than she was about her sister clearly being in SEVERE distress?!? ruby the girl who's never lashed out like this ever, the sister she raised and would do anything for. okk... i liked jaune's arc though i thought that was well done + i love that he got to keep the white hair after being younged. the wk moments were... interesting. curious to see where they go with that. i LOVED the brothers lore it literally made me jaw drop. the baby brothers were so cute... really love that they were FROM EA rather than having created it. also the implication that they can come and go from there as they pleased? not really plausible imo but it couldve been interesting to. see them. umm. the neo illusion scene i loved everything about roman ofc. his final line made me cry really hard. clover was funny as hell to me. that man did fucking NOTHING. he only did things as part of the group and then during the fight he literally just stood there holding kingfisher. presumably bc neo had no idea how he fought. he was just there to be a number in the group + to turn into qrow. lionheart at least used his weapon in the fight. neo's backstory shouldve been more explored beyond a couple paintings and a couple lines from roman. not everyone has read roman holiday. ozpin using his cane in the fight like roman (hitting and bludgeoning rather than the fencing style) was a good detail. i've seen people get all up in arms about penny and ironwood being there but like. it is not unreasonable for neo to have made an educated guess as to what happened with them. the summer scenes were fantastic i love her axe-gun. yes ruby stop putting your mom on a pedestal she was a person too! though interesting that it took her so long to be like GASP my mom LIED?!? when in v7 qrow literally tells her that summer had a lot of secrets. meaning she lied a lot. ALSO very interested in who raven portaled to. if qrow knows more than hes been telling or if theres another person we havent met that raven found important enough to have immediate access to. weiss being made into the comedy character was.. annoying to say the least. neo's ending was unsatisfying in a lot of ways. i think this volume couldve done with another couple of episodes to fully flesh out ideas. sorry this was long lmao but it think this is a decent summary of my thoughts

YEAH!!!! honestly so many of my issues with it definitely could have been fixed with just like 2 extra episodes to fit in more of the build up (especially to the ruby and neo plot). bees were fine but they were like meant to be a d-plot to me. i figured it would be like primary plot is trying to get home interspersed with the ruby and neo dramatic build up and ruby's mental state deteriorating, b plot was what was goin on with jaune, c plot is The Penny Thing, and then bees could be doing their thang in the bg.

still mad ruby and neo's Whole Deal was like an episode and 4 lines of dialogue outside of that.

summer and raven's little adventure makes me so fucking crazy. i fully expect the person raven portalled to to be the spring maiden, and lowkey i think its possible it could be gretchen. the timeline would certainly line up.

neo's ending...i was able to be okay with it until i saw that the writers were literally like well she's a fan favourite so we knew we couldnt just off her so we had to give her a more gentle send off like KILL YOURSELVES!!!!!! sniffle. they rly just dropped at the last second "neo is jealous of the love ruby gets from her friends 🥺🥺 now she's gonna kill herself" LIKE SHUT UPPPPP.

the highs for me were VERY high (ruby snapping! neo's dialogue as an echo of salem's! jaune being a crazy hermit to parallel to ozpin! the brothers bg! summer and raven! the horror elements!!!) and the lows were very low. but if theyd had like literally just 2 more episodes i think it would have flowed a lot better and not felt quite so...rushed near the end.

#bayley tag #💌.txt #it wasnt a bad season by any means it still ranks way over v7 to me #but it was just like goddamnnnnn there was so much i was expecting from crew teases and such that just...wasnt there

[autisticempathydaemon]

your match-up game looks like so much funnn so i'm gonna submit one for myself 💖

dragula by rob zombie …. i only rly discovered it like two weeks ago but it’s one i play a lot while working bc for some reason it helps me focus lol

just took a test and got nine, the peacemaker. idk much abt enneagrams 🫣

hmm yes but only when i’m feeling spicy. and they’re almost always about video games in some regard, like analyses or creepypasta deep dives yk?

i don’t think i ever had a REAL imaginary friend. i remember trying for a little while because i thought it’s what all kids were supposed to do, but i never like. Believed in it

sleep aid audios! lately it’s been redacted (i have a whole folder of faves on my phone lol) but before that it was asmrtists like gibi. sometimes i take melatonin too ‘cause it takes me ages to fall asleep 😪

i changed my name around late 2019 to angel when i was just coming into my nonbinary-ness; i took it from the video game borderlands 2! i went back to my given name in 2021/2022 but being angel was fun for a while <3

milo’s panic attack audio i think. i was just getting into redacted and starting from the top and it just made me feel so cozy and locked him in as a fave :’) OOH also the pack smash tournament!! i love multi-speaker videos and that one was so much fun

vincent ……. i’m so sorry i’ve tried three times to listen to his playlist but he bores me 😭 the farthest i’ve gotten is past adam, though i listened to his involvement in inversion and picked up with him after the summit

do video games count bc if so i can quote resident evil 4 2005 ALLLL DAY LONG it’s my favorite game ever. if not i’m gonna say lilo and stitch ‘cause that’s my biggest comfort movie

 HUXLEY. like dgmw i love his non-canon audios & he’d be just the sweetest boyfriend but i want to be his friend so baadlyyy i just need one good huxley hug and i think it would cure me

nooo when i’m sleepy i just get quiet 🫠 i’m not a big talker in general i think

blue raspberry slushie + honey bun OR dr pepper + chili cheese fritos. depends on my mood

recently ummm it’s been a playlist i made called violent devotion, which is basically just yandere-type songs hehe

aw man ok. so i was a big homestuck fan in my teens and i rly loved broadway karkat, & last week i discovered all my faves are on spotify :’) so i made a playlist of them and spent all weekend revisiting my past

HMM okay here’s some rapid fire facts: i’m the eldest of three, i’m a dog person, i’m an introvert,  i can be very stubborn (taurus 👋🏻), i tend to prefer video games over tv/movies, and overall personality-wise i relate the most to honey out of all the listeners!

So I consider a lot of factors when I do these, I swear I do. That said- you’re a Honey-kinnie but also a dog person? Who else can I pair you with but Asher?

Your personality types, in addition to your being an eldest child, hint to me that you’re a steadfast, reliable person and therefore an excellent foil to Asher who could use someone like that in his life to ground him. In contrast, I think his extroverted, bubbly nature would bring you out of your shell, endear you to the rest of the pack as the beta’s mate. Also, I think your love of video games and homestuck would really bring y’all together. (Out of all the boys, he’s deffo the most likely to be a homestuck.)

You’d have such a fun, chill life together, because Asher keeps it fun and chill, you know? I think Asher spends a lot of time wolfed out and with his big, dog head on your lap while you play video games. He jumps during the scary games and shifts back during co-ops so he can play with you. He comes home from a gig with either a honey bun or Fritos, because he wasn’t sure what the vibe was today, so he’ll eat whichever one you don’t want. You do 7/11 snack runs and compete to see who has the bluest tongue. It’s a great life.

Song:

Ooh, I'm in love/ It's a mystery/ When I see you out at night/ I start to get dizzy/ Before I see you I pick out some things to say/ Don't want to sound foolish and waste my chance away/ Oh, I'm not gonna make the same mistakes/ I'm not gonna run/ Just pick the boy you like

This song is peak Asher-vibes; do you know what I mean? Like, I think this is the kind of music he’d like, this sort of alternative indie pop rock sound. (Side note, the guitarist’s name is literally Darlin, so that’s a sign right there.) This song in particular is so fun and catchy; I can see Asher singing this at you incessantly no matter how long he’s already been your boyfriend.

Runner-ups:

Milo is a runner-up because you’re a dog person /hj It’s also because I would kill to watch him watch you play RE4 or any other horror game- that would be hilarious. Guy is another runner-up because, behind Asher, he’s the second most likely to have had a homestuck phase.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

[bigmack2go]

How tiktok is the reason i got into theatre except its not at all how you think it is

Okay tik tok. Tiktok right? Right. So tiktok shoed me this clip of toggos woozle goozle in like,,, what? 2017? And i literally just wanted to find that one episode bc i was really interested in that topic they were explaining (i dont even remember it anymore lmao) (yes i know this is the worst tiktok thing to fall for. Yes it still happened.) sonthere i was. No clue what episode it was. So naturally i skip through all of them to find the right one yes? I found myself get really invested in woozle goozle and even when i found the episode i kept watching cthrough that shit. NOW this is were i first hear about starlight starlight express. I have been to theatre and musicals before obviously and i liked it but i never really cared about it too much. But starlight express? Staight express was different. Starlight express just had smt of home to it. So for months on months i just yearned for this fucking show, buyed the soundtrack (i didnt know english at the time but i accidentally bought it in english so i bought it twice lmao), i tried finding bootlegs (but this stage is barely possible to get a bootleg), i buyed merch, i read all about it online. Then christmas came and WHAT?! I GET TO GO TO STARLIGHT EXPRESS?! OMFG?! So on april 18th the following year (yes i remember the date fuck u) i got to see the newest adaptation in bochum. I have never felt such chills in my entire life (and i gotta say i don’t think that i’m gonna, anytime soon). And so i first started obsessing with a musical. Now two years went by, i saw the lion king in london and loved it but tbh i didn’t obsess over it even near the amount i obsess over other stuff. Mind you it is now 2019 and i have adhd. I have never had a hyper fixation last this long. This is when i start to understand the world a bit more. I realise gay people…. Exist? I mean obv i knew they exist but where i was it was smt rly rly special and i never even considered it tbh. I search up what lgbtq+ means and my suggestions are now not only starlight express anymore but also gay shit (lmao who would’ve thought this is how i turn out) and algorithm was algorithm-ing and gave me: ✨Bi Electra✨. Now this is when i first even saw other sides/perspectives to the whole show (and generally, the concept of fandom) and i re-obsessed over this thing that i never even un-obsessed with(?). I got into some more musicals, saw sone bootlegs ykyk. Beetlejuice had a local production and i alsi went to see sister act, little shop if horrors and frozen on ice (this was the girst one i saw in English). 2020 came and with it: covid. I got into other fandoms thinking i cant go see musicals anyway. I have given up to find movies of musicals and i had no idea the bootlegs were a thing. I only ever tried to find snt that i know now is called a bootleg for stex and i didnt find anyghing so naturaly i never tried again lmao. With other fandoms coming along, i started to leave starlight express behind. And so tiktok cames back into play. Dream smp. I had no fucking clue what these people that i kept getting on my fy were. It took me a really depressing gnf fanart to finally give in and get into that fandom that pushed everything else of my for you page. That’s when maria Reynolds walked into my life (sorry i had to say this). You probably know how the whole L’Manberg arc started with hamilton being watchable. So i not only got into the dream smp (and let me tell you i was down bad for the dsmp) but even more into Hamilton. It was only about a year ago i started realising i was gay and then this actress is introduced to me and she is so fucking hot and i thought i was envying her but it turns out it was just me being really fucking gay-. I started translating it and you know the rest. Well basically what happened then was me realising that i love musicals. Ive seen a lot of musicals but that never really,,, conected(?) in my brain… ig. And there is went obsessing over musicals as a whole. I knew english at this point btw. In 2022 our local theatre opened again because it was mainly outdors so yeah yk.

I was falling into a major depression at the time shutting myself off since quarantine yk. So my mom forced me out of my room. And suprise suprise it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Little shop of horrors opened again wooo. Anyway so i tried to find more and more musicals also on tiktok and i saw newsies. I was avoiding it for a good three months but i don’t remember why and i know love it more than myself lmao. Anyway uk’sies became a thing and so newsies started trending and it was watched a lot more and so it showed up on my disney+. I went “oh fuck it let’s give it a try” and have never been the same lol.

Yeah and you know the rest.

So yes. When i say that the dream smp connects to newsies for me, that’s not a joke.

[nerice]

Fall Season 2023 Watch List >:3 !

detailed thoughts >>

protocol rain. happy first esports anime. unsure if this will last the season but for now there's a core of smth in there that keeps me watching. also the op/ed are gorgeous rly where they put their priorities lol bc the main show does look like ass

100 girlfriends/hyakkano. the harem parody i didn't know i needed. the setup is so genuinely stupid but it fires thru jokes at such a rapid pace you barely have time to remember the ones that don't land as well. THE ANIMATION IS SO BEAUTIFUL. also inch rested to see if they can get to 100 girlfriends polycule without becoming boring (komi san i am looking at u......)

apothecary diaries. everything i hoped it would be <33 some say the mysteries are too easy but since im not big on detective stuff im actually happy with the pacing (compared to raven of the inner palace which could drag a lil imo) it just looks soooo good maomao is so fun her cat emotes... <3 ((also ngl. there's elifauve angle to the main duo which i am. delighted abt ww))

ragna crimson. do the character designs look like a b-tier anime from the early 2000s? yeah. does it slap all the fucking way? YEAH. ragna and leo are extremely whatever but crimson (damiacore!!) and angel dragon are SO DOPE. aots no doubt <3 (<- biased i cannot be trusted) it just scratches an itch that hasn't been scratched since the isekai game inspy fantasy scourge took over. bar is on the ground etc

shangri-la frontier. heel turn but. scratches the video game fantasy world itch and it's just stupid enough to be annoying. no isekai bullshit. fight animation that's exactly what made sao fun but without the harem bs that made sao.... sao. (i know there's more girls coming i just hope we stick to fun beat em up with it.)

sousou no frieren. ANIME OF THE DECADE. absolutely no question about it this is the best thing i've ever seen every second of animation is jaw-droppingly beautiful all the characters and the fkcin story the cycles the grief the humanity behind it all. i cry every single ep ;-; i am too enamored by it to even be annoyed abt the german names of everything and everyone. it's awkward but as someone who also gave all their first ocs telling japanese names I'LL LET IT SLIDE <3

spy x family s2. excited to get to boat arc. exactly what you know ur gonna get from it and i love getting more sxf. it's fun!!!!

undead unluck. it has the kill la kill energy (idiocy) we have no choice but to stan. took me actually till ep 2 to clock it was made by shaft guys and now i cannot unsee it anymore. all the chars and gimmicks are stupid and fun and it perfectly fills the niche left empty by zom100 being in production hell. ive watched anime for long enough that i can ignore the sexual comedy bits but it is becoming stale (in which it falls short of what klk was able to pull off. god i miss klk) lol

dropped tier

-shy (technically havent dropped this yet but unless ep3 gets interesting real fast... it's not doing anything well enough to care)

-kamonohashi ron/forbidden deductions (i hate detective shows sorry. was gonna stick it out for his cute disheveled design but i simply do not care enough for the gimmick or the genre)

-kamierabi (what happens when you let yoko taro of nier fame and jin of kagepro fame make a series together? nothing worth watching unfortunately. made me wanna rewatch mirai nikki tho lmao)

summer season leftovers

-jjks2 (U KNOW WHAT IS ABOUT TO BE DONE TO ME)

-zom100 (pour one out for production issues)

#elia txts #aniblogging #<me trying rly hard to be more comprehensive abt season watches again #also absolutely insane we will have a bunch of these run over into a super stacked winter season too #watching frieren and dunmeshi in parallel will do smth to me

[ilostyou]

rant 🤪

i love my best friend dearly and spent three months after i got eras tickets trying to convince her to come with me bc i got extra and she kept just saying she can’t bc school this school that but now! a month before the concert! she’s like oh btw i was talking to [this other friend of ours, my og swiftie friend] and also some other people who are going and now i think i wanna go but i don’t have my schedule yet so i have to wait but i wanna go sooo if you still have the tickets lmk how much bc i want in but if you did sell the tickets it’s fine

mind you this is like 24h after i Finally came to terms w rly selling them (for AGES i was like. i wanna hold onto one more bc what if she wants to come so i’ll sell the others in a pair and my dad was like ??? you’re insane but whatever lol) and NOW? after talking to other people??? now you decide you want in????? and idk why i’m irrationally weird feeling abt this maybe it’s bc i am in fact exhausted but. girl ?? i spent months trying to CONVINCE yes convince you to wanna come and ???? nothing. but now??? bruh.

and to boot! my dad and this whole selling tickets for a fortune thing. he’s always been like ? you’re just lol gonna give it to her for face value? that’s a $1200 gift we’re talking about. and i’m like bro it’s not a gift lol she’ll be paying for it. but he’s like dude profit margins. and i really didn’t feel that way til yesterday when i was told (by stubhub or wherever i was looking) that my seats have been selling for upwards of $3k which is INSANITY in its own sense but yknow what he did have a point! and i know i’m not actually considering not giving her a ticket bc thag was my whole point of getting however many i could at presale bc. i do wanna be able to go with friends and have it be a whole time yknow?? but now i’m feeling petty and like. bro i talked this up for so long and it took. someone else’s opinion to get you to wanna come w me???

and don’t get me wrong we’d have the time of our lives she really is my best friend and my sister wouldn’t mind if she came (i don’t think) bc she’s chill and they like each other but also like. i’ve gotten into the mindset that it really is just gonna be me and my sister and i got underratedly hyped for it!!!! like yes she’ll be 13 but yknow what that’s such a blast and literal core memory for her i have no doubt about it. and now i’m like. maybe we Shoukd just be going alone not with other people even if it is my best frjend

UGH so many thoughts and honestly it’s not imminent bc obviously she didn’t commit yet but i’m gonna have to tell her she needs to commit or not bc i have to list the tickets soon so i’ll either save hers or i won’t but like. she needs to commit to it

🥴🙃🫣😵‍💫

#this has been a rant #sorry idk i’m having a hundred mph thougjts abt this rn #and if this makes me sound snobby. idk what to tell you man sorry lmfao

[webslingingslasher]

hi! sleepover anon here. thank you so much for taking your time to read and to respond to it :’)

ur absolutely right, that night showed me who they really are deep down... in fact, it made me realize that they haven't changed since high school which is actually rly sad... i've had my own faults too from high school, but at least i did change and i changed a lot to know now that what they did was completely wrong. high school me would have tolerated that and talked shit for fun too, but now? no. i only talk shit when i actually have an issue with the person i'm talking about, and rightfully so (which is actually why we were talking abt the guy i liked a few months ago but that didn't age so well in our conversation...). but they were just straight up talking badly abt our friends who did nothing wrong to them and basically did that for fun and made fun of them behind their backs...

and to the person who said "people who misuse information between 'friends' are not friends" - you're absolutely right. and they rly are people i once knew back in the day and they haven't changed a bit. it's crazy bc we had the entire pandemic to do all the self-reflection and self-care shit and i rly took advantage of that. idk what they did... i'm not saying i'm perfect, i still have my own flaws, but at least i'm working on them. like, the fact that i'm actually willing to confront my bffs abt it is a huge step bc if not, i would have ghosted n completely cut them off already 😭 that's my red flag i fear... still working on it. i need to communicate properly and i rly do need to bc these people have been my friends for a long time, and i know better now to know i can't just cut them off like how high school me would. i need to face them and the problem.

but anw... i thought about it, and i'm still giving them a chance. i'm still giving us a chance. but i'm gonna tell them that things won't be the same and they shouldn't expect me to come to them about anything as often. they violated my trust, and they're never going to earn it back bc i won't let them. i could never trust them after *that*... but i don't want to cut them off completely. we can still be friends and hangout if they want to, but i'll just never tell them anything and i'll never trust them with anything again.

thank you again for reading/listening and responding to it, and to that person who gave their two cents. it rly helped and i appreciate it very much<333

good on your for sticking to your boundaries!!!!

#thanks anon!

[vanillatalc]

this evening was a bit of a :|

a few hours after clare left benno told me that tmr we're gonna have to have a pub lunch w/ his family so i immediately freaked out bc this additional Thing on top of seeing boops & his gf last weekend + having clare this weekend (after like, 3y of nothing, bear in mind, so EVEN THO i was so happy to see them both it also took a decent amount of time to like stop being anxious + come down from that spike. like im still a little keyed up now. they both follow me on here btw + none of this is news to them i hope lol. i love u both im just insane x)

i got so angry (not at ben but at the situation, through fear) that i juts stopped talking and went away upstairs to lie in my bed to try and calm down alone

a few mins later ben came uptsairs + i immediately was like "i really just want to be alone actually" then realised he was crying so i was like ...ok come in (crying trumps general rage in terms of Need i think)

we think it's a long-term mental effect of the pandemic where he gets rly emotional after a social event ends bc it reminds him of like the 3y where it was just us in this tiny little universe + he panics bc i think he goes like straight to that place in his mind where he's just never gonna see anyone again? like every goodbye feels like it's gonna be forever

so anyway he tried to get me to talk about MY feelings during this time + i was just like sry i cant lol. you know when you're hollowed out inside through a combo of rage / general madness / having to remain compos mentis for someone else who needs you. AINT GONNA HAPPEN

so after that settled down i did message him on discord like "love u, not angry, will talk to you later this eve about MY feelings" (+ did stick to this obvs)

think the general sticking point is that while ben seems to have been a bit traumatised by lockdown + the social isolation i found it incredibly incredibly easy + stress-free, + have found the slow transition to normal life v difficult (and still do find it both difficult + incredible to watch in the sense that we're all just pretending covid is over bc like it's easier ig??). ill just c/p what i said to ben here: "if you found the lockdown unexpectedly traumatic I found it lovely and have found the return to normal really difficult & think people are just pretending we're back to pre COVID times when we aren't and I find that cognitive dissonance very hard to deal with, I also can't stand gatherings based around food anyway as you know and it seems to literally be all that is ever on offer and it struck me in the same way as the pret in Portsmouth or you being invited out for the meal when my sister was here etc busy couple of weeks that filled me with huge levels of anxiety and stress, thought tomorrow might be a bit more low key but no, got to to do something else I fucking loathe just very fed up and tired"

he asked me again to talk to him more about my feelings instead of just suddenly crashing when something slightly unexpected happens - i said yes - i think im just confused by how much he wants me to talk to him about LOOOL like if i told him every single anxious thought or w/e id be talking to him 24/7 and it just feels like i dont know which thoughts are the ones to share + which aren't???

anyway w/e it got sorted out w/ solid communication i think tbh like ben says we wont do the lunch. i said that he could do it if he wants but there's not a chance in hell im stepping foot into that pub lmfao like there are so few things he wants to do that i actually refuse (hopefully if u read my blog regularly you will understand that this is true) but i have reached my limit on Events Not In My Comfort Zone, and idc if he wants to do it, he's welcome to, but i will walk around the village during that time he was like "ok that's not gonna happen sweetie bc they'll think you hate them" so we're just not doing it. i do feel bad but also i literally like cannot do it? like i am just fully comfortable in the knowledge that i cannot do it, will not do it, and am simply not doing it. so if that means ben isnt gonna do it either that's just gonna have to be how it is. like not to be dismissive but ... this is how i am + he picked me knowing that so like.

OK loads more shit happened in the hour i took away from this post, benny thinks it might be worth postponing the woods trip just bc he's worried how to spin the lunch thing (whereas im like if you want to tell them im insane just tellt hem idc) but we had a good chat in bed + i love him a lot lol. i do like how good we are at emotionally comforting each other. i think we should 100% go tmr but he's a bit fragile (see above lol) so ill just defer to him on this one, im not exactly in a position to be like "JUST POWER THROUGH!!" hahahhaha anyway we'll see how he's feeling tmr. he's more cheerful now anyway bc we had a nice chat + committed to making some post-wedding plans as well so he wont feel that giant post-event freakout that seems to be plaguing him atm

#we're gonna do pottery classes :D

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

how long did it take you to watch the van scene the first time? about how many times did you rewind? did you catch the lip glance right away? did you think it was heading in a byler positive direction when mike was talking? how about when will was talking? were you happy/disappointed by the painting? how did you feel by the end of it? how devastated were you by will's crying?

OMGMGMMYY SO MANY QUESTIONS

bestie i’m gonna be completely honest my memory is absolute SHIT bc yay trauma response but ILL TRY TO REMEMBER FOR U

how long did it take you to watch the van scene the first time? about how many times did you rewind?

i watched the van scene once the whole way to like no pausing or anything the first time because i had to watch both v1 and v2 all in one go the nights they came out in my room until like 1am so that it wouldn’t get spoiled for me and also bc i was like leaving for a trip the next day and didn’t want to watch them on the plane where i couldn’t scream. since then i’ve watched SO MANY analysis videos but i don’t think i’ve had the chance to actually rewatch it by myself just bc my family doesn’t allow much watching of the tv lol so i end up engaging a ton more with fandom than reexperiencing canon? but i rly want to omg omg

did you catch the lip glance right away? did you think it was heading in a byler positive direction when mike was talking? how about when will was talking?

at this point i’m like 94% sure i didn’t get byler on my own at least consciously because i was kinda sad and disappointed by s4 and the heteronormativity goggles were STRAPPED ON but i will say that it literally took me less than a day of acquiring a tumblr account to hop on the byler train because i think subconsciously i definitely picked up on it BC HOW COULD YOU NOT and once i stopped intentionally explaining it away to myself as them being “special friends” or accepting heteronormative relationships as the only possible norm without need for explanation or backing I WAS FREED and here we are now :) BUT i will say i do still learn something new every day here on byler tumblr bc y’all are TOO SMART and there’s honestly so much in this show you physically cannot over analyze it there’s always more to discover and recontextualize and find different interpretations of

as for the mike/will thing i think it took me a bit longer to realize that mike was actually more proof of byler than will lol because there’s a lot more heteronormativity to unpack to analyze and understand his character but at the same time learning about that side of things is what fully convinced me i think along with just learning more about the actors and the duffers message in the show etc. because before i was worried that it would be representation through will just bad representation 💀

were you happy/disappointed by the painting? how did you feel by the end of it?

similar to what i said before i was unable to really see byler beyond my protective biases towards will as a queer person who saw myself in him and preemptively prepared myself for how i thought he was going to be treated and so my attitude through the whole thing was mostly one of “omg will 😭😭😭 aw omfg my poor baby 😭😭 AW WILL 😭😭 LOOK AT HIS LIL PAINTING IM SO PROUD OF HIM BUT ALSO 😭😭😭 oh god i really hope they aren’t using the gay character to push the straight ships arc omg will ur so gay that was so gay of you OMG NO HES CRYING 😭😭😭 HES TEARING UP 😭😭 ONFG HES CRYING HES CRYING OMG JOHNATHAN KNOWS HE CAN SEE OMFG 😭😭😭😭 THIS IS SO SAD WILL” and mike was like not even in my thought process 💀💀 because my lil queer heart was really going through it

BUT!! now that i’ve removed my biases about how i expect queer characters in st to be treated every byler scene is lowkey painful to watch because THEYRE SO GAY??? IT FEELS PRIVATE I FEEL LIKE IM INTRUDING BUT ALSO IM AN ABSOLUTE GIGGLING MESS BC SJNDBDBBEBE

how devastated were you by will's crying?

DEVASTATED. OMFG. i think i sensed wills queerness for a while but as soon as that pretty girl touched his ankle and he was like 🧍‍♂️😐 i remember SCREAMING ‘gay!!!’ and then i JUMPED on the will byers is my gay child train and so the rest of s4 GUTTED me and i think that’s partially the reason it took me longer to see the mike thing is because i was just so pissed at him for putting wills in pain at the airport and the roller skate rink (partially also because his dismissal of will and wills feelings at the airport felt personal to me as a sort of reflection of the dismissal of will and his happiness that i expected from the ga and the storyline due to predominant representations and treatment of queerness and queer characters in past media so i was IMMEDIATELY put off and hated everything mike did 💀💀 no one talks to my blorbo that way)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so sorry i wrote like an essay for this and idk if i answered any of your actual questions because like i said my memory is worse than mike wheelers self esteem but THANK YOU I LOVED THIS ASK I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY LOVELY DAY <333

#mike wheeler #byler #van scene #will byers

[nopefer-art-tu]

OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST MISSED POSTING ABT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN'S ANNIVERSARY???? im gonna get mushy here so if yall wanna skip this go for it i wont hold it against you lol but this movie means a lot to me (if u cant tell) and id just kinda like to share a little bit abt why

I remember when I first saw Brokeback, I'd been either a junior or senior in high school, and I had watched it with my ex. I literally have no clue how we got to watching it or who proposed we watch it in the first place, but I remember that even back then I had been incredibly moved by the story.

Cut to 5-6 years later, and in January of this year I'd been in the midst of a really, super dark depression thanks to some health issues that I've been dealing w for awhile now. It made it so that on top of COVID, I wasn't rly getting out of the house for anything but school, and even then doing that took a really big toll on my anxiety. So basically, from the time that the 2021 winter semester had ended for me in early December, to when school started back up again for the spring in late January, I hadn't left the house at all.

In mid January, like a week before school started back up for me, I was scrolling through Hulu, bored out of my mind and also trying to find something to occupy my time and thoughts w bc I'd been going stir crazy, and I saw that Brokeback had been listed again. I kinda lingered on it because I remember phil (@/senditothemoonn) had watched it like a month or two before and she had started talking abt it in our group chat and posting quotes abt it and stuff, and it had been awhile since I'd seen it so I was like hey! What the hell! Lets give it a watch, its time I watch it again anyways.

And like. Something happened to the world for me after that viewing. It was like it had blown apart, and when it came back together it was completelty rearranged for me.

I'm not entirely sure why that time around the movie has such a deep, DEEP impact on me when I had seen it before, and had been very touched by it back then. I think its partly that a. I never used to watch movies with subtitles, and so before I realized that I probably have issues with the way my mind processes sound, a lot of movie dialogue just kinda. Didn't get internalized by me for some reason? Even now when I rewatch old faves that I haven't seen with subtitles, I'm always astounded by what the hell theyre saying because I had never rly picked up on it before, lol.

And like...I mean if you've seen the movie then you already know this, but their accents and dialect are kinda hard to get through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to Heath as Ennis. Which isn't in any way a jab at him, I think every part of his performance is super thoughtful and well-crafted and every acting choice he makes serves the character in only positive ways. But when you already have issues processing audio, and when you have a character who's jaw is perpetually cleched so tight that the words literally have to "fight" their way out of his mouth, its just like. Not the best combination lol.

And so this time around when I saw the movie, I saw it with subtitles and it opened up a new dimension of the film to me. Honest to God, the first time I watched the movie, I had no idea that the shirts at the end were so signifigant because Jack had stolen Ennis'. I guess the first time I saw it, I didn't catch the part where Ennis talks about having left his damn shirt up there, and Jack just kinda shrugs it off and changes the subject. When I saw that moment this time, it didn't really strike me as anything important until the movie got to the end and you realize that Jack had kept the shirts all those long 20 years and UGH. I literally remember screaming with tears in my eyes, thats what happened to the shirt! There they are! And then when I saw that Ennis had put his shirt over Jack's to hang together on his closet door for the rest of his life? Dead. Dead, I was literally stabbed in the heart 50 million times and killed dead. I'd never made those connections before and now that I had I like. got it, yanno? I got why this was an oscar winner, and why people were sk devastated by its best picture loss. Not that I hadn't before, but it just hit so much harder.

So yeah, the subtitles probably had a lot to do w why its stayed lingering in my mind for a long while, but I also think its because in a few ways it kind of spoke to me and made me think about my health issues and the self-imposed quarantine that I'd put myself through for the better part of a year at that point.

To me, the whole story is about regret, about not taking the chances we have while we have them and having to learn to live with knowledge of the things we didn't let ourselves do and the memories we didn't let ourselves make.

I hadn't seen a lot of my family for awhile at that point because I just didn't want to be out of my house, and its only been recently that I realized how much life I've missed out on living for a good year and a half-ish or so. And like yeah, I have a reason, my health issues and super aggressive anxiety have kinda put me through the ringer. But I dunno like. I kind of empathized and related to Ennis' character in a really odd way, because he also let his fear control what he did and especially what he did not do, and for that, he ended up living a half-life and missed his chance of getting to spend his time with the person he loved the most.

For me, the fear of regret is one of my biggest motivators in doing literally anything. I've realized I don't want to end up like Ennis, isolating myself from my loved ones and missing out on the chance for love and life because of some issues I have. And I mean its not like they're not real issues. Just like the fears that motivated Ennis' actions, theyre very real concerns. But since seeing the movie, I've been a lot more proactive about seeing doctors and trying to get this shit fixed up, because I don't want to end up wasting my life away. I wanna find my Jack, and I wanna be happy, and I wanna live.

Anyways. Happy 17th birthday to my favorite movie in the world <3

#brokeback mountain #still brokeback posting

[thatbitchsimone]

I also love Angelica and think she's so great - there's another video on her youtube where she says people should only lose their virginity in their 20's - what do you think about this? I agree with her sentiment to an extent and I do think as a woman I was put into many situations that make me feel used now and I am sure this can negatively affect men as well.. I just kind of felt ashamed/worried after watching the video because she said that having sex very young can negatively set you up for life and I agree to an extent but I think there's more nuance to it than a 20 minute youtube video can express.. And also I think the problem more with me is I didn't know to express my boundaries or communicate and people took advantage of that sometimes.. and just how women are socialised etc etc

i was just gonna watch that video but it looks like shes deleted all of those videos (which sucks ass bc she had an amazing video about the tumblr nymphet community and its parallels to nambla and how it has negatively affected us that got seduced by that little subculture back in the mid 2010s) so unfortunately i cant answer this properly bc i dont have the full context and i dont have her arguments etc but i can still give some of my immidiate thoughts on it so here we go

i think losing ur virginity/wait with sex until ur in ur 20s is probably ideal tbh and i would absolutely encourage it for anyone who is in their teens rn and havent had their sexual debut yet. main reason being that u will be old enough to understand sex and its risks and effects and u will have had time to figure ur own body out more and u will most likely have at the very least basic level emotional intelligence and maturity that is required to have safe and healthy and enjoyable sex. like u have just finished puberty and just left teenagehood behind which is a messy and confusing and rough lifestage for all of us and ur now entering adulthood and have gained some perspective etc and u are way more in tune with urself (at the very least compared to when u were a teen) and both ur body and brain will be developed enough to be able to handle sex and have a realistic attitude around it and while ofc u can still be manipulated and u may still be somewhat naive it wont be anywhere near AS easy to manipulate u as it would have been earlier bc thats just how it is. u might still be vulnerable maybe sure but if ur vulnerable now u were even MORE vulnerable when u were a teen. its just how it is. thats how growing up works. u will probably have a way easier and more enjoyable sexual debut in ur 20s bc u will have a headstart in so many ways both physically and emotionally.

BUT im not gonna pretend like its that black and white and simple. Many girls (and boys but im focusing on women here) have perfectly normal and healthy sexual encounters when they are teenagers and i rly dont believe that sex will just automatically traumatize and harm u when ur a teen bc lets be real here, the key here is that u explore sex with UR PEERS, boys and girls within ur own age group, NOT ppl that are 20+ when u are like 14-16. when ur a high schooler and u want to explore sex u do it with other high schoolers. ppl ur own age. I think its perfectly fine and normal to have sex when ur a teen, but that is assuming u are having sex with other teens. NOT ppl that are like 5 years older than u. thats when actual impactful long lasting harm becomes highly likely. feeling like u got used and heartbroken by a boy in ur school aka a boy that is ur peer and ur own age will hurt and suck and will leave an impact on u but its a very different impact than the one u will be left with if u felt taken advantaged of by someone much older (not a teen). the dynamics are whats important here i think.

sex and relationships are messy and yes u can always get fucked up from it thats just how it is. u cant avoid it. u just need to be able to handle it and maybe ur not ready to handle it until ur like 25, thats fine. dont do it then. like if u dont think ur ready, just wait until u are. if ur like 15 and feel ready then go ahead but STICK TO PPL UR OWN AGE when ur that young. u gotta be equals. period.

[here2bbtstrash]

So this is how it started…..

And I REALLY was like, doing my homework with this chapter

And clearly couldn’t keep up with the deep analysis, chp 8 got better and better (as expected 🥹)and.. ok I’ll proceed to rant whatever thought is left on my MESSED UP BRAIN… ok they were bonding and taking care of eo meals SO AWKWARDLY??? Lmao like ok here’s some coffee and some gross sweet shit, idk eat it if y want idc *proceeds to drop it and walking away* also AB written on the cup my god you’re a fucking genius ily so much jajajajajjjjajajajajajaajj

And pls I love how she’s so confused about him and instead of unpack her thoughts with the BEST BSF JIMINIE MY BELOVED she’s like “ok imma go fuck him,yeah that’ll make everything more clear (no judging her tho like WHO WOULDNT ITS FUCKING MIN YOONGI)

“Is this a booty call” I KNEW HE’D BE THE ONE TO SAY THAT pls he’s so annoying!!!! and hot!

And ofc… they’re bonding in the best way: ✨trauma✨ but seriously I loved the way they skipped unnecessary and cliché comfort words, just listening eo🥹💜 (and OMG the whiskey scene from the vliveeee I’m a psychic like jiminie lol)

The smooooth “want a tour?” just to end up in his bedroom 😏

But it was the first time they took their time 😭😭😭 the first time seeing eo naked😭😭 THEY FINALLY KISSED !!!!!! These bitches were starving!!

“You’re not the only one with great head game” 🆘🆘 helppp🚨police‼️🚨🚨 him making her squirrrttttt 😫🤯and I’m going to stop with the smut scenes bc if I’m going to say what I liked I might as well re-write the entire scene, so I’ll just say that I came the hardest ever and had to take some time bc I was FED yes in red bc I don’t know how to emphasize how good your smut is you’re a goddess 😫❤️‍🔥 and what is it with you and showers scenes??? Why/how are they so good and soft and hot at the same time 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

They being awkward the next few days? Mhmm nothing new GROW UP MORONS but also don’t?? I’m enjoying the drama what can I say🤭

AS FOR MY BABY STAR CANDY🥺THE AUDACITY😠 I’ll expect an apology with tears and lots of banana milks😤😤 come here baby I’ll cuddle you while playing with your piercings, run my hands trough your beautiful hair and show you the funniest tiktoks🥺💜🫂 I mean I understand her bc she’s so fucking confused and so fucking paranoid! But In love with her or not he’s just looking out for her, ffs why the fuck she went so hard on him😫😫 but I’ll trust the process🥺

Wheeeeewwwwww This didn’t feel like 15k at alllll it was so good that I read it in a heartbeat 😂 I think this is my fav chapter so far!! Idek how to end this review but just know that you blew my mind again and I love you M💜 you’re amazing!!!!!! Te amo bebé can’t wait to see what the future hold for these two 😍

sfkjdglsdfgjslg I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT 🥺 it's my fault that this chapter was a million years long and i decided to shove pivotal moments in every 2 seconds like i cannot IMAGINE anyone trying to comment on every single thing 🤣 we'd be here all day!!!!

NOT YOU ROASTING THEM FOR BONDING AWKWARDLY LMAOOOOOO listen 🥴 it's their first time being nice they don't know how to do this shit!!!! like uhhhhh here have some food guess i don't hate you all the time alright gotta go 🏃‍♀️ and yessss the AB on the cup!!!! i just had to stick a little callback in there (what am i talking about i stuck so many callbacks in this chapter for no reason sdkfjsldf)

she's such a dummy it's true 🤦‍♀️ your bestie who has been telling you this shit over and over is RIGHT THERE and instead you're???? gonna fuck your feelings away????? ma'am??????? and ofc yoongi had to call her out on it 😏

sdfkfhdgjd YOU ARE PSYCHIC THO !!! you literally sent me that ask the day i drafted that whiskey and trauma bonding scene and i was like 👀 SHE HAS NO IDEA..... 🤭

LMAO THEY RLY WERE STARVING.... my god...... fucking in a private place in a bed for once, can you even believe 😩 and LOL NOT THE HIGHEST FORM OF PRAISE 🙇‍♀️ i had sooooo much fun writing this smut and letting these two dummies finally be a SMIDGE intimate 🫠 also wow now that i think of it i have literally written 3 shower moments in a row lately am i ??? okay ???? what's going on with me

and of course the piss poor communication strikes again.... both between yoongi and reader and with 😭 baby goth 😭 dog dad 😭 didn't deserve this.....

i really really appreciate you calling out reader's state of mind and taking that into consideration tho 💜 i see a lot of people SUPER angry about how she handled it (which, FINE!!! she did it BAD! REAL BAD!) but at the same time - she is not doing well y'all 🤣 that adrenaline rush of thinking she's getting caught is REAL, and she's swimming in her own denial (and i would argue, so was jk 🤭) and a whole lot of hurt/weird yoongi feelings sooooo yes. she fucked up and went aggro on him 😭 but i promise they're gonna work it out ❤️‍🩹

omggggg the favorite chapter so far?!?!?! gahhhh what an honor 🙇‍♀️ i was super scared about posting bc 1. this chapter is fucking THICC lol and 2. it's got so much to it! so many changes!! shit is ramping UP!!!! so it means so much to know you really enjoyed it 🥺 eeeee i love you so much jaz i'm so glad you're enjoying this wild ride!!! GRAMMYS ARE NEXT HERE WE FUCKING GOOOOO 💜

#simp47koreancrackheads #fic review #look down on me like that #LDOMLT spoilers #queue what you want ㄱ -ㅅ-ㄱ

[sunmoonjune]

OKAY I WENT TO SLEEP WITH A SMILE N WOKE UP WITH A GIGGLE N WNET ABOUT WORK WITH A SKIP AND DROVE HOME W A LIL CHANT ☺️ bug 🥰 bug 🕺 bug 🙌 bug 💃 bug 🤗 KNOWING LTM HAD BEEN UPDATED HEHE

finally managed to wait until i had finished work to snuggle into bed and read and asdfgh ONE WORD INTO THE CHAPTER AND IM ALR SCREAMING OFC BUGS GONNA REQUEST FOR SAN I-

hj using bug's language to thank wy for bringing them both back home safe bestboi!hongjoong 🫶 and the fact that bug made a sign for 'home' but never drew it again after creating it bc she never had a place to call home but now she's signing it again and again for hj to know what a damn good leader he is hNNG

also sry i know it's a rly cute and touching scene when bug appoints yeosang to five taps but im also cackling imagining her fingers tapping rapid fire like eight times if she keeps naming the rest of ateez the same way HAHAHA bug's hand be like: 🫳👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 not me quadruple checking i had the correct number of finger emojis

peep the results of moonie's ✨research✨ to describe how san smells im kicking my feet uGH sanbug are FINALLY reunited in the softest way possible 'my san' and 'my bug' PLSSSSS

also HONEY ?? LOVE ?? BABY ?? DARLIGN? ? sWEEt GIRL ? moonie really slapping us left right up down front n back with the pet names. but nothing beats yunho calling bug anything related to little or tiny - im so biased for yunho and size differences 🥹

BUG REMOVING HER MASK AND THE TOWEL THE AMOUNT OF TRUST AND VULNERABILITY SHE IS SHOWING TO YUNHO IM SO PROUD OF HER Omg MG and then THE LAST SENTENCE ???????? THAT AINT FEEDING US BREADCRUMBS TO HER PAST THATS MORE LIKE A WHOLE ASS LOAF OMG i cant wait for you to slowly reveal more and more of bug's history

this whole chapter makes me want to punch a wall and sprint a marathon just so i can feel human again bc im a bumbling soft mess of goo and feels rn nobody touch me 🫠🫣🤧

everybody say 📢thank u moonie📢 for blessing us with such a long chapter and for all your hard work!! okay now excuse me whilst i go and reread ch 1-15 again 🫡

FOWFWIMFOENURG I'M CRYING I love messages like this!!! send me your reviews send me every thought you have about the chapter!!! I love love love it!! <333

hehehehe I too chant bug! bug <33 bug<3 (tbh this is san LMAO)

hongjoong used bug's language talking to wooyoung so instinctually I don't even know if he realized :')) it's just so natural to him now <3 bestboi! hongjoong indeed!! also might I add,,, the fact that yunho taught hongjoong the sign for 'home' even though bug had never used it,,, almost as if he knew that one day she might... :'))

also LMAO yeah I see it xD you really have to pay attention like,,, wait do it again I think I miss counted, how many times was that?? I think after yeosang the names will have different touches since after five it's going to get complicated xD I might throw in some other shapes at some point haha

SANBUG REUNION!!! 'my san' -- 'my bug' I was crying screaming throwing up writing that I swear <33 made myself so emotional I could cry

(also totally irrelevant,,, but I made my mom cry when I was explaining the meaning behind all of the boy's symbols earlier :') I was so excited that I just started talking about them to see if they made sense and seonghwa's made her cry :"D she thought it was so freaking sweet what he said about being reborn as a universe <33 like yeah I'm in love with seonghwa too xD )

the nicknames!! I really said ateez loves bug and what about it?? xD gosh san nearly outright admitted it and bug is like,,, he cares about me??? me?? huh?

bug took off her mask!! for the first time without needing to!! she loves yun so much <33 their trust in each other is insurmountable I swear I'm gonna cry -- the last line tho,, there will be more on that soon too D": it truly was a loaf size breadcrumb of her past, our poor bug <3

I'm so so so happy you enjoyed the chapter!!! thank you so so much my dear <33 I adored your commentary hehe thank you again <33

#moonie speaks #like the moon

[menalez]

the whole thing with bisolationist is confusing me. anon sends him your post and asks his opinion on the post and comments, you then comment why didnt you link to op. anon replies their explanation and bisolationist tags you and continues on to write his response to the comments. and then you get mad that your question was answered?? and idk if you just cant see how it looks but if bisolationist theorized about why some lesbians are biphobic or sth like that and someone commented an idiotic and borderline if not fully lesbophobic statement and he says hmm never thought of it that way 🧐 i’ll give it more thought. wouldnt you or rightfully group him with the commenter😭

im gonna repeat myself one last time cause there’s something rly insidious about how u guys keep rewriting the situation? i didn’t get mad that the anon answered my question and in fact took issue with him implying i had sth to do with other people’s statements. i also took issue with the fact that everyone involved in the other side decided to repeatedly skim over the fact that the convo was specifically about bi ppl who basically openly state that they’re attracted to both sexes, but insist on calling themselves lesbian/gay/homosexual. it was also mainly about the “lesbian with an exception” phenomena. such people have been used against lesbians specifically for a very long time to argue WE don’t exist. please tell me how this is biphobia first and foremost and not homophobia? how is arguing homosexuals can have an “exception”, that we can be OSA, is not first and foremost harming gay ppl? and here’s the real convo u misconstrued:

i took issue with him putting me in a group with people saying “bisexuals kill yourselves” “bisexuals are just evil degenerates”, none of which are statements i ever said or implied. i even said that much, i didn’t get mad at him “answering my question” but i appreciate being reframed as some hysterical irrational person in the convo for taking issue with me saying “hmm good point.. need to think on this” being equated with encouraging a minority to commit suicide! i also took issue w being repeatedly framed as acting as an authority. for what? i said good point to a lesbian who was disagreeing with the argument that bi ppl perpetuating such homophobia are doing it out of self-hatred, rather than homophobia.

it was stated that i was applauding like-a-ruby and made several comments like “omg so true ur so right queen” when in actuality all i said was “hmm good point” and in the notes or the same post “hmm i need to think on this but you made good points” alongside my own perspective that i do not know why this is a phenomena.

if lesbians were making up a significant portion of the bi community, if our voice was louder & stronger & we were sitting there arguing that bisexuality isn’t real (i know there’s lesbians who do this but their voice isn’t the dominant one in the community or the public) and everyone is only attracted to one sex, someone said it’s due to internalised homophobia and a bi person said “that’s not due to internalised homophobia. it’s just biphobia” why tf would i take issue with that statement either? why is it extremely offensive to y’all that another lesbian doesn’t think that bi ppl openly proclaiming their OSA but insisting they’re gay & insisting no one can be exclusively SSA, ie actively harming gay ppl, is being argued as homophobic rather than self-hating? why is the mere argument that “they’re literally openly proclaiming that they’re both SSA and OSA. yet they insist on coopting terms for homosexuals & redefining homosexuality not bc they hate themselves but bc they hate gay ppl” about not all bisexuals but literally only the portion of them that are outwardly and frequently homophobic this offensive to u? the topic at hand is about homophobic bi ppl who openly proclaim their bisexual attraction while insisting on coopting gay terms. like. that was the specific group being talked about. i don’t agree with jumping in to argue someone is lying about their sexual assault, or telling bisexuals overall to kill themselves, but im also not responsible for other ppl doing that the same way he’s not responsible for the bi people doing those things to gay ppl.

#thinking of that one bi woman who’s literally married to a man but INSISTS she’s a lesbian n argues it’s bc she’s only into this one man #like a woman married to a man claiming to be a lesbian into men … who is she harming here? right. gay ppl. #why send me an anon acting confused and neutral while intentionally misinterpreting the situation. when did i get mad that my q was asked. #answered ** like. thanks for making me seem irrational and hysterical ig but u know that’s not how it went.

[tequatls-favorite-spoon]

ok. i have been Thinking about onyx’s relationships. and i’m pretty decided now that she’s gonna be poly, mostly bc she works so well with so many characters, and also they all look so cute together <3 but now i’m trying to figure the like. timeline of things??? and hoo boy

i’ll make the full timeline in a separate post, but i’ll sum up stuff real quick here. onyx was in love with trahearne, tragically that didn’t work out cuz he died rip. she’s real sad for a while, so she ignores the beginnings of some feelings for braham and caithe. after kralk, she and canach have a brief and casual fling, and then onyx ends up falling for jayrim while hanging out in elona. they eventually have to split up, especially with onyx having to leave elona and jayrim wanting/having to stay. during ibs, onyx’s old crush on braham pretty much punches her in the face. when he becomes primordus’ champ, onyx is SUPER worried about him. when she finds him alive after the fight, she gets rly emotional, like telling him how much she cares about him and stuff. she knows her feelings are more than a lil crush now, but refrains from making a move bc braham needs some time to recover (both physically and emotionally). in eod, caith and onyx have some real cute moments as aurene’s moms, i think jayrim pops up again with the corsairs here, and i really like the idea of onyx asking out braham after the engagement party. the big issue now though, is that i feel like caithe and onyx should have started dating after onyx and jayrim dated, but before onyx has her big Feelings Epiphany with braham at the end of ibs. that basically just leaves me with ibs as the timeframe, which is rough bc i don’t think caithe shows up during ibs at all?

ok. so. i’ve thought of two options rn. one: onyx meets up with caithe after leaving elona, and that’s when they start dating. two: they spend time together in the eye of the north and end up dating

this got. really long lol. so my rambling is below the cut! ur welcome lol. also if u just wanna see what i ended up going with, i put a silly lil diagram at the bottom o7

option one works, but i feel like onyx would have left elona bc of the start of ibs? like she leaves because she has to go to the charr rally thing. i guess maybe she could’ve still had time to swing by the grove and hang out with caithe? but idk. i could just make up some other reason that onyx had to leave, like maybe her family or something? ok, that has some promise!

option two feels a bit more possible to me, but i’m also not super sure how much caithe was at eotn during ibs. also, there was a lot of war stuff happening so idk if they would’ve had time for dating?

ok i’m kinda leaning towards option one now… like, onyx gets contacted by her family that they need her to come back for like a wedding, or to celebrate an achievement of one of her siblings? one’s trying to be a minister, one’s in the seraph, and another one is a priest, so any one of them could have done something cool enough to warrant onyx going back to see them. (also i promise i didn’t forget jasper, around this point in time he’d too busy partying to do anything worth onyx coming home for lol) so with onyx going back, she says that while it’ll be a long time, she’ll come back to elona afterwards! or, if jayrim wanted to… she could come with? and jayrim tells her that this has been great, and she loves onyx and all, but she can’t stop being a corsair. and onyx can’t stop being the commander. either way, this isn’t gonna work out forever, so… maybe it’s best if they end it now. and so they agree to break up but they’re both sad about it :(

so then maybe onyx and caithe starts as a kind of rebound thing? like they run into each other, and start hanging out. and hm! she’s feeling some things! onyx thinks back to their talks together as they took care of bb aurene, and now that she thinks about it, she might have had some feelings for caithe at the time? and these current weird feelings feel a lot like those?? wait has she been kinda in love with caithe this whole time??? and then they start dating :3c

also, i think onyx and caithe would talk about braham during or after ibs? bc like, i want onyx to be kinda freaking out over her feelings for braham, but i don’t want her to be kind of cheating on caithe :/ so maybe they have a convo early on about like, possibly being a poly/open relationship? i could see onyx thinking about this since she just had that whole thing with jayrim, so maybe at the time she’d be kinda hoping to get back together someday? either way, i feel like caithe would be pretty open to it, cuz i’m sure sylvari aren’t that monogamous. i feel like caithe would just want onyx to run it by her before she adds somebody yknow? and she’d run it by onyx if she liked anyone! tho i don’t think she would? i think caithe wouldn’t really be looking for another partner. like, i think caithe would like a monogamous relationship, but she’s also ok with a poly one, especially if they keep up good communication and that onyx doesn’t like, forget about her or something. yeah. i think that the idea they’d have for their relationship at first is that caith would be dating onyx, who would also be dating braham, and then also jayrim. but then caithe and jayrim would start dating eventually too :)

OH ALSO!!! i could always add yao…. bc im Love Them. and i could see them dating onyx and braham… oohhhhhhh that’s so cuteeeee….. lol and then the polycule is two triangles, which is kinda fun!

ok tldr ig. the polycule is eventually gonna be this: caithe is dating jayrim and onyx, who are dating too, and onyx is also dating braham and yao, who also are dating too :3c here is a diagram

#regan rambles #long post #onyx velazquez #jayrim beastcharmer #caithe #braham eirsson #zhou yao #i think i’ll tag them with their full name?? #sure idk #i wonder if i should do that thing other ppl do where they have like a thing to mark their tags? #like tagging ‘c: caithe’ instead of just ‘caithe’ #anyway #yeah i originally had a tentative timeline here too #but that made this INSANELY long #and also i figured out roughly where i want onyx/caithe to go after i’d already typed up the whole timeline lol #so i wanna redo part of it anyway #so that’ll be a separate post ✌️ #kiiiinda hope this doesn’t just pop up in the canon character tags? #mostly cuz it’s so stupid long lol