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panicbox · 6 years

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Im gonna be real for a second. I'm not a huge popular artist and I'm under no illusion that I am, but still you may have noticed that I have not been uploading much art lately...

I have a really complicated relationship with art and doing artwork. I have no aspiration of becoming a great artist, yet I want to improve. I've never been able to develop a consistent art style (or handwriting or signature - I wonder if it's a schizophrenia/mental illness thing?) so I've never been able to develop a consistent brand for lack of a better word. I go between cartoony to semi realistic with no real consistency at all, and I don't know how to change that. I really don't understand how somebody can sit down and draw the same character looking the same way over and over again. I kinda just start drawing and it comes out how it comes out, y'know?

I'm also really paranoid about the amount of people ragging on the so called "CalArts" style because I know in my more cartoony pieces (the ones I enjoy the most tbh) I have elements that can be compared to that style and I feel too ashamed to draw lest I be compared to it... and I know it ain't like me to care what folks on the internet think.... but shit man... It ain't about the skill level of which I draw y'know. Skills can always be improved upon, but if folks are determined to hate the way it looks no matter the skill with which it's drawn... then I can't win. There's no way forward from there and it's disheartening....

I also can't help but compare myself to others... I draw all my digital art an iPhone app so old that if I update my phone it won't work any more. I don't own a computer (oddly enough I own a tablet) so proper digital art is not an option for me. Even if I did own a computer I doubt I'd be able to afford an art program, and I'm too paranoid to download something for fear of viruses (My and technology have an even more complicated relationship tbh). I feel like I've been able to push that little app to the limit of what it can do, and that I can't really do much beyond that. That's why I draw so many headshots digitally.. because the screen is so small it's hard to fit a whole body in.

This makes me feel like an imposter. Like I'm an artist, but not a real artist y'know? Like, I do digital art, but not real digital art. That's a big part of why I don't do commissions tbh. I don't feel good enough and tbh I'm always amazed when people ask if I do them. I don't feel like I deserve to draw for other people because due to limited recourses/skills I can't offer them the quality that they deserve... and I'd be an imposter for even asking for money.... because only REAL artists can do that. this whole thing probably comes off really batty actually...

My paranoia is a big problem for me. I have so much art and writing done about my Fallout Oc's, or fan work in general but I'm too afraid to post em. I feel like either nobody will care (despite other people's oc's getting attention and people caring about them - including me. I LOVE seeing other people characters), or that people will hate it.

I need to figure out a way to move past all this. I don't wanna offer commissions. That isn't a goal nor do I ever see it being a goal, but I want to be able to produce art and feel good about it. I wanna be able to interact with people more, to upload stuff I've worked hard on and to not compare myself to others but it's hard.

Anyways if you've made it this far thanks for listening. I really need to learn to open up more. This has taken me an hour to write this post and even though I'm worried that nobody will read this/care I appreciate you if you do. I wouldn't know what to say if somebody wrote something like this, especially if I've never spoken to them before, so if you could wanna leave a "like" I'll know that you've taken the time to hear me out. If not that's cool too. If anyone has any advice or comments I'd really love to hear em.

#panic.txt #im feeling pretty down rn so id appreciate if you could read #But its a huge block of tect so i understand if you cant/dont want to tbh

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comicteaparty · 6 years

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November 5th-11th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from November 5th, 2018 to November 11th, 2018. The chat focused on Cloverlines by Wednesday Ash, asteRiesling, Nachocobana, and Nadikusmo.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Cloverlines by Wednesday Ash, asteRiesling, Nachocobana, and Nadikusmo~! (https://tapas.io/series/Cloverlines)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until November 11th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. What do you think happened between Damon and Karen that caused such a rift in their relationship? Will Karen sign the divorce papers or is she going to continue to cling to Damon? How will this affect Damon’s future?

QUESTION 4. Several characters mentioned that Aimi is a “failed idol.” What do you think happened that caused Aimi to fail as an idol? Do you think this will have consequences for Aimi and/or the band at some point?

Ash

Hey guys, I'm looking forward to reading all your thoughts about Cloverlines

snuffysam

1. Aimi pulling the strings to get Yuuki into the band was my favorite. Just how she goes from being some spoiled brat who uses her charms (aka the PHEROMONES she puts on for her live performances!!!) to get free meals to being surprisingly sweet towards Yuuki.

2. Commenter "TrAsh" said it best - Damon truly is "daddy material". In all seriousness, it was hard to pick between him and Aimi, just due to how much I love Aimi's surprisingly brilliant trickster personality but... I just feel so bad for Damon, I want to give him a hug

3. Have you met Karen? Hmm... I suppose it could be some major argument, or Damon wanting to focus more on the band, but it may just be that they grew further apart as people...

4. (has anyone besides Monica actually said this? i don't recall) Anyway, I think Aimi failed as an idol because she sabotages every piece of equipment in sight if she doesn't like some aspect of the performance/recording session (the songs, the people she's working with, etc). Was she justified in ruining a bunch of careers (including her own) like that? Well... idol industries in the real world are pretty exploitative, so probably.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Do you think Yuuki will adjust to his new life on Earth and the band in general? Will his addition to the band be good in the long run, or will Yuuki continue to cause problems in his own way? Also, do you think Yuuki will become homesick?

ShaRose49

I read the first two chapter so far lol. I thought Aimi was the cutest thing

I doubt Yūko will become homesick cause earth is the best

Yūko

AAHG, YUKII DANGIT

Oh wait is it yuuki? Sonuva...

RebelVampire

its okay names are hard. i look them up a lot to make sure im spelling them right XD

ShaRose49

Haha yeah but it was also dang AUTO CORRECT lol

Japanese names are hard but here so cool I have a few in my comic. Is this comic cloverlines what you would describe as a sci-fi comedy or rom-com?

snuffysam

there's not really much romance in comic

there's a divorce, does that count?

ShaRose49

Nope! That’s just drama

And no worries I don’t mind romance unless it’s super sassy or steamy and non-stop

I looooooooove scifi

BTW snuffy I think I recognize your name from Comic Fury hi!!

snuffysam

hi! yes, I recognize you too!

ShaRose49

Awesome which comic did you do again? (Or are you a reader whups)

snuffysam

that's something we should probably talk about in #general ha ha

ShaRose49

Oh yeah okay tell me there!

snuffysam

i think yuuki has already adjusted pretty well to the band. though aimi might be a bit of a bad influence, given that he wasn't exactly nice to monica...

ShaRose49

I love the art in Cloverlines it was so cute. Maybe this is random but the face she made when she said she spent all her money on delicious meat was to die for SO CUTE

I’ll take a peek at another chapter before I fall asleep lol

snuffysam

how far have you gotten so far? just the first two chapters?

ShaRose49

Just read the third

Man they beat the crap outta poor yuuki

I love that it’s set in Tokyo and starts at kind of a rock-bottom thing. Nowhere to go but up!!

snuffysam

you say that, but they seem to have trouble with that regard

constantly getting negative press

ShaRose49

Who? I don’t follow but maybe it’s cause I’m tired it’s late where I am

snuffysam

the band

brought in a new guy who played super weird

then played a near-blasphemous song on live tv

ShaRose49

Oh yeah. They were just about to bring him in probably where I left off

snuffysam

oh, I thought you said you read through chapter 3?

ShaRose49

Blasphemous?!

Yeah I did...hang on lemme check

The third chapter just has those two band guys arguing over a solo career and then they find Yuuki getting beat up outside

snuffysam

ah i see what you're saying. you're talking about the third update on line

ShaRose49

Yup.

Webtoons

I forgot it’s on other places too

Why was the song blasphemous was it really inappropriate or something?

snuffysam

well, that's a bit spoilers for the real third chapter, ha ha

which is two chapters away from where you are

ShaRose49

Well I don’t wanna read something super dirty or anything not my style

snuffysam

oh no, it's not dirty

religious blasphemy

ShaRose49

?! Like they make fun of a religion?

RebelVampire

fictional religious blasphemy

snuffysam

ShaRose49

Aww-has-has okay gotcha

That’s probably not so bad then

snuffysam

not for us it isn't

for the fictional people it's a bit of an issue ha ha

ShaRose49

🤭yeah poor them lol. It’s nice to have things that don’t exist IRL sometimes so that nobody’s bothered . I’m usually a sucker for real stuff though along with cartoony tropes

Anywho I gotta get to bed, thanks for chatting I will return!

snuffysam

yeah me too, talk to you later!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. Cloverlines has suffered several changes in band line-ups. Do you think Aussie might try to return to the band? Alternatively, how might his solo career affect the group? What about Monica? Will she manage to stick with the band despite tension?

Ash

would like to chime in for a bit above: having it be a fictional religion allows for less baggage when depicting its effects i feel, cause I wanna show what are the effects of it, without any risk of offending reasonable people otherwise

it's good to have an objective view on something inherently subjective, and fictionalizing the aesthetic elements allows a way for that

ShaRose49

Yeah for sure, things are safer with fictional concepts but I think real ones can be good to depends I guess. It’s super fun to make up stuff though

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Despite the band focus, the world in the story keeps turning. How might the recent terrorist events affect Cloverlines or other bands? Who do you think Mirai was? What others aspects of the world caught your attention?

RebelVampire

okay time to answer some questions. 1) My favorite scene so far is the one where Damon and Karen have dinner. I really liked all the subtle and not so subtle ways it showcased the state of their relationship. this is not to mention that i liked it wasnt even technically about their relationship, it was about Rinne. the fact it became about their relationship felt both very realistic and very revealing. 2) Damon. I think he has the most compelling of the conflicts and hes the most sensible of the group. He provides an essential grounding influence in the fact of everyone else being a bit more exaggerated, and if anyone is gonna make the band succeed, its damon. also, he has great hair. 3) I assume what happened is exactly what we saw at dinner: they have a personality clAsh. In the end though, I'm gonna theorize that Karen probably pushed Damon a bit too hard..maybe to succeed in music, and Damon just bailed because it wasn't the way he wanted to do it. overall, though, i think the route of their problems stems from the fact that damon is ambitious and laid back while karen is ambitious and aggressive. i think karen will sign the divorce papers eventually. but she's definitely going to cling for a while. however, i think shell slowly ease off as stuff with rinne starts to happen and changes some of the dynamic of the story. 4) Have you met Aimi? XD That is what happened. Aimi is 1000% not the type to follow orders and will do whatever she wants. Thus, this would make her a poor idol since shed be told constantly where to go and what to wear for her image. Damon is a saint for not having fired her. XD Overall, though, the fact she might be a "failed idol" is irrelevant i think. at the end what will have consequences is aimi continuing to do as aimi do.

5) Yuuki seems pretty well-adjusted as is, so he'll probably be fine. I do think there's gonna be more issues with Yuuki as part of the band though. Cause they basically hired him out of desperation and of the two gigs weve seen, we got weird guitar sound one and blasphemy one. so i think as a whole we havent gotten to see a good demonstration of whether yuuki is good or not. so it might take a while for him to fit in with the band. but to be fair, id say this about most of the members. they really need to work on their synergy as a band imo XD. i think yuuki will only become homesick if his fleet comes near enough he could viably go home. cause then its a tangible goal versus some theoretical could do it thing. 6) Idk if will, but I do think it'd be interesting to see Aussie go "i want to come back." Create some drama where the group has to pick between Aussie and Yuuki and test the limits. Solo career wise I think it might actually help the group. If Aussie is successful and is like "i was in that band" others might take more of an interest. As far as Monica goes, she'll probably stick around. I think the worst of the tension already came and went. 7) I assume the terrorist attacks will keep up and they will inadvertantly expose Rinne and cause all the scandal. Though given the comic's tone I can't really forsee any serious consequences. As for Mirai, IDK. Good question. I assume it was a real person who did something significant which is somewhat interesting to consider. For the world in general I'm really curious about how spread out the population is. Cause the galaxy is a big place. And the astronomy nerd in me wonders what the travel technology is like.

ShaRose49

I didn’t get to the terrorists yet I can’t wait!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. Rinne, a robot, has a strange vision and keeps asking if Monica is Mirai. What do you think is happening to Rinne? Is Karen right to be worried about Rinne’s sentience? What is Rinne supposed to “create?”

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Do you think Cloverlines will manage to succeed as a band in general? What do you think has to happen for that to be the case? Alternatively, what other hiccups might they face as they aim for stardom?

snuffysam

step 1: fire aimi

question. does it say anywhere that this civilization spans the whole galaxy? or just the solar system? because the furthest from Earth I remember being mentioned is Pluto

RebelVampire

i think its somewhat implied

because in the opening earth is described as the entertainment of the galaxy

not to mention theres aliens

snuffysam

ah yes

RebelVampire

and last i checked there are not aliens in the rest of the solar system

snuffysam

it's been a while

since i've checked, that is

RebelVampire

but tbf how much of the galaxy is colonized is up for debate. i think its at least implied it goes beyond the solar system tho

so it might not be the whole galaxy. cause i mean galaxies are pretty huge

snuffysam

the nearest habitable planets we've found so far are like 30 light years away? and the milky way is over 100k light years across

anyway my guess is that Mirai is just some robot's rights revolutionary dude, and any surviving sentient robots seem to treat them like some sort of deity. don't think Monica is Mirai though. Rinne just gets confused easily.

also what does Rinne create? sick beats! next question!

RebelVampire

omg XD sick beats is a good answer

cause that does seem the direction its gonna go

Ash

well be exploring the larger space in coming eps

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

snuffysam

i want to see them do more shows! yuuki doesn't have all that much experience under his belt and... honestly, I just want to see a performance where he isn't playing a song ten seconds after finding out about it

RebelVampire

i second that. id also like to see him do a show that isnt buried up to its knees in controversy

RebelVampire

8) I definitely don't think Monica is Mirai. I'm starting to think Mirai is an artifical intelligence maybe. Or was a person who made artificial intelligence which is kind of a big deal. but this is what's happening to rinne. she's tapping into some sort of programming that expresses mirai's ultimate desires for her creations. that being said, i do think karen is right to be concenred. not because rinne is dangerous, but because shes right. if its illegal, their band is gonna be screwed if they get discovered. 9) i somewhat agree with the joke answer that they gotta do something about aimi. i feel they wont succeed as long as they continue to tolerate her impulsive willfulness. not to say theyll have no success, but theres a diff levels of success and theyll never become top tier if her shenanigans continue to bury them in controversy. 10) as i said before, i really would like to see more concerts with the band in general. cause i think its an important experience for them to bond as a band and as characters. i also look forward to karen moving past damon because i think itll be interesting to see how she finally matures enough to reach the conclusion.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Cloverlines this week! Please also give a special thank you to Wednesday Ash, asteRiesling, Nachocobana, and Nadikusmo for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Cloverlines, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below! Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/Cloverlines Cloverlines’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wednesdayAsh

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #cloverlines #wednesday ash #asteriesling #nachocobana #nadikusmo

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