#to be fair i have an essay-length list of reasons for loving every single one of the nein

[hurlumerlu]

I tooootally feel ya on the molly caduceus and nott thing. molly and caduceus are my two favourite characters (molly’s my top fave despite everything for a variety of personal reasons that would become essay length) but i keep seeing this weird hostility with “oh my god stop talking about molly he’s gone and he’s never coming back he doesn’t matter anymore forget about him caduceus is way better anyway!!” like.. no? shut up?? you don’t get to decide for my autistic ass what my brain focuses on!!

That’s the thing with fictionnal characters, isn’t it ? you don’t really “chose” which one means the most to you !

I’ve seen the hostility you’re talking about, and I’ve also seen hostility toward Caduceus for “replacing” Molly... I’ve found both very frustrating. Though to be clear I don’t want to begrudge anyone their dislikes, because 1) you don’t really chose which character will rub you the wrong way either and 2) I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to vent about it.  But when it comes to being angry about other people celebrating a character they like... I mean, I get it, I’ve felt that way too ! but “stop liking the (completely innocuous) things I don’t like” won’t get anyone very far. At the same time, it can be good to give people space to be negative, even about the things we enjoy. BUT it’s fair to expect them to give you the courtesy of letting you be positive about the things they don’t enjoy.

That was a very circular paragraph, uh ? 

Anyway I just want to see more content that celebrate Molly, Nott and Caduceus without putting any one of them down, and to be fair it’s not like it doesn’t exist, I just want more ! Oh well as long as I don’t write it myself I can’t really cast the first stone...

But yeah I get having an essay-length list of reasons for loving Molly, I have the same problem. And frankly I think you should talk about him for as long as he’s important to you, because isn’t that what fandom is for ?

#to be fair i have an essay-length list of reasons for loving every single one of the nein #they all mean so much to me it's a bit embarrassing #critical role #should it tag this discourse ? #i'm never sure of when it's appropriate or not #cr discourse #(just in case) #*should i not should it

[hoid-library]

Beauty is Cheap

Length: 1433 words. ~5 minutes reading time.

I know what men really want, and let me tell you, beauty isn’t it. Beauty is an extra, a condiment; it’s not the main meal. Sex is. It’s all about sex, and how well you can please cocks, which opens all sorts of possibilities for girls who are insecure about their looks.

Consider this. What good is a girl with a smoking hot body — a true 11 out of 10 — if she won’t suck cock? Those bitches exist, you know.

Men don’t want women who can please their eyes. Men want women who can please their cocks. A 7 who sucks cock is better than an 11 who doesn’t. And a 3 who makes sex easy and can make him cum so hard he sees stars — he’ll fucking fall in love with that girl. He’ll cheat on hotter girls just to be with her.

What I’m saying, girls, is that what really matters in a woman is what’s inside… their holes. Cocks are what matter, cocks and how well you can please them. I can confidently tell you that if a woman is sufficiently submissive, she’ll hook me even if she’s ugly, fat, covered in scars, and a single mother.

That’s not a hypothesis — I have two girls like that in my roster right now, and they both please my Dom side in a way that few subs have managed before. One of them even gets off on being called all the adjectives listed above, which is nice. They both did what every slut should dedicate their lives to doing — they mastered the art of pleasing cock and debasing themselves for male pleasure.

For men, that’s what matters the most in a girl — the sexual pleasure they provide. The reason why most men won’t tell you that is that most of them have never really had a woman dedicate herself fully to pleasing them. Men are used to having to lie, steal, and beg to get OK sex which they think is great because they know nothing else.

Not all men are Alphas like me — sex is scarce for many of them. If you are one of the rare souls who can actually ask to be fucked, you can easily become a guy’s favorite slut. And if you master the art of getting men hard and getting them off in epic fashion, men will damn well fall in love with you, even if they are lowkey embarrassed to post photos with you on Facebook.

And isn’t that a great goal to aim for? Make it your goal to become so sexually pleasing that the men around you would rather be embarrassed than stop fucking you. Attain hotness that runs beneath your skin. Get men to cheat on girls much hotter than you just because when you make them cum they fucking see stars; get them to ditch their friends and the nightclub so they can stay home pumping you full of cum.

You may see hot girls walking around and feel jealous of them. Life for them is so easy! All they need is a little cleavage and men are all over them. And fair enough. Attraction is step 1 in any sexual encounter, and hot girls are natural cock magnets. But what about steps 2 through 10 of that process? What about what happens in bed? Do you think those hotties will spend hours practicing to deep throat cock, learning how to contract their Kegel muscles, and studying all the best ways to edge a man with their tongues?

No. They’ll date cute losers with money and complain to their friends that all the men they meet blow their loads in 3 minutes. They’ll be assaulted by hot men so much they’ll get an inflated sense of self, which will make it very hard for them to enjoy the pleasures of being truly submissive to men. Then they’ll meet that one asshole who makes them feel like a real woman and fall madly in love with them. That’s the life story of 8 out of 10 hot women, especially in their teens and their 20s.

Of course, not all girls follow that standard. Life isn’t a video game; there is no fairness, no game balance. Some lucky whores really do have everything in life — they are incredibly beautiful and have incredible sex with an incredible Alpha who fulfills then completely. Girls like that do exist. But assuming that every hot girl lives that way is like assuming every guy driving a nice car is Jeff Bezos. People who have it that great are rare, and they all worked for it.

But back to you, my insecure reader. There is a path to female sexual success without traditional beauty. Work on your moves, get more social and start making it easy for men to date you — walk up to cute guys and give them a piece of paper with your phone number if you have to. What’s stopping you? How much courage does that really require?

Here are the four steps for success.

First, you get guys on dates — figure out the best way to do that, the phone number idea isn’t bad. Just write “I’m shy, but please text me later :)” with your phone number underneath. Do it to dozens of guys every week to stack the odds in your favor.

Second, while on dates, either get the guy to bed or let them take you to bed.

Third, in bed, blow their fucking mind and work your hardest to be the best little slut he ever had. Ask if you can call him “Sir”, get on your knees without him asking, be proactive. The more men you get to bed the better you’ll be at fucking them.

Fourth, after that first fuck, get to know him. By then you’ll have so much value in his eyes that all the great guys will be all over you.

You’ll have a lot of horrible sexual experiences, but you’ll have a lot of unforgettable ones too. And with experience, you’ll get better at filtering the creeps during the first date. 

Follow this process and, if you can get one cock a month, you will have 12 cocks a year. About half of them will want to fuck you more than once, and once you kick out the bastards, it should still leave you with two good fuck buddies at the end of a year. That’s great cock just one phone call away, year-round for as long as they are single — and maybe even past that. What else do you need to be sexually happy?

In the long term, this systematic hunt for cock will get guys wanting to be your forever partner — begging you to date and even marry them. Guys who will be blown away by your skill and experience that — should you choose one of them — they won’t believe how lucky they are that they get to live with you and have you please their cocks every day. Tell me that idea doesn’t make you smile.

Get a system. That’s the key. Hot girls just bumble around hoping some player will take them to bed, they don’t put in the work; they don’t put in the hours. Get a system like this going and start dedicating six hours a week just to getting sex partners. Within a year you’ll be texting a lot more guys than any popular girl, and you’ll be so confident you won’t even recognize yourself anymore. You won’t have to lose a pound — although dressing cute might be a good idea.

There is no success without work. Not in this life. You know the smoking hot Instagram stars who seem to just get paid to shake their ass around? Watch closely. They have entire marketing companies around them, they make strategic collaborations with other stars, they have an upload schedule and a shoot schedule and a gym schedule to keep their money-maker in order. And they live their lives watching over their shoulder for anything that could damage their reputation. Just being cute gets you likes on Facebook and a bunch of dick pics — making money off beauty takes work. Getting great cock takes work.

Stop bemoaning your beauty and get to work. There are cocks out there that need pleasing, are you going to let all those loads go to waste?

Here’s some further reading on how to pick-up men IRL.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/157588-7-tips-for-picking-up-guys-irl.

— Original essay by King Hoid. April 25, 2020.

[quarantineroulette]

Minor Disappointments’ 10 Least Disappointing Releases of 2019

I wasn’t going to compile a 2019 year-end list for a number of reasons (lack of time to listen to new music, general malaise, little time to write), but I’ve read so much bad end of year music writing that I feel like I must either stoke the embers or assist in extinguishing it. I don’t think I’m doing either here, but everyone likes list so here’s another.

I haven’t had time to really think about 2019 in songs but my favorite this year was, no kidding, a Tindersticks song featuring Robert Pattinson. Speaking of...

10) FKA twigs - Magdalene

  I really wish I hadn’t remembered that Pattinson and twigs dated because it put a slight damper on my enjoyment of this album. Instead of appreciating it in all its genre-destroying glory, as I did on my first listen, subsequent spins led to me becoming sidetracked by tabloid speculation over what RPattz must have done to have wronged this very singular artist. So, whether this is your first listen or 50th, forget all that I just wrote and instead let twigs fill your empty mind with her sometimes delicate, sometimes Kate Bush-evoking, wholly epic songs.

Favorite moment: It’s pretty commendable and bold to place the lead single as the closing track, especially if its something as monumentally gut-wrenching as “Cellophane.” Also, that video is the visual treasure everyone says it is, no fooling. 

9) Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising

If you’ve ever heard Karen Carpenter’s Beatles covers you might have some idea as to what this record is like. But beyond Natalie Mering’s cozy vocals and timeless compositions is an undercurrent of ambient mystery that sets everything ever so slightly askew. At times, Laurel Canyon vibes are completely dispelled for more crepuscular textures, as in the album’s centerpiece, the Julee Cruise-esque “Movies.” Who knows where Mering will go next, but her path, whether from the California sun or glow of the silver screen, is certainly bright. 

Favorite moment:  “A Lot’s Gonna Change”, “Andromeda”, “Everyday” - as strong of a three song run as on any release this year. 

8) Angel Olsen - All Mirrors

The cynic in me wanted to resist this album, but as soon as the cinematic strings kicked in on “Lark” I decided the enormous amount of critical hyperbole that was being thrown at it was mostly warranted. Stately, dramatic, occasionally synthy and largely devastating, All Mirrors taught me that sometimes you may find many of your favorite things in the unlikeliest of places. Please insure your heartstrings. 

Favorite moment: “Spring” which, like a lot of great songs, sounds a little like a fairground ride breaking down. 

7) Danny Brown - uknowhatimsayin¿

This might be the funnest album I’ve listened to all year. It can be hard to do positive but “Best Life” is as heartening as Nardwuar’s interview with Brown and fewer things are happier than that. With his fifth album, Brown has proven he can ably do every mood with aplomb. And if using cleaning references as euphemisms is your poison, then, hell, he can do that too. 

Favorite moment: “Hoes on my dick ‘cos I look like Roy Orbison.” Need I say more?

6) Omni - Networker

One of the strongest post-to-the-nth-degree-punk bands from the latter 2010s, I still have Omni’s 2016 debut, Deluxe, on heavy rotation. Networker, the trio’s third record and first on Sub Pop, has no shortage of twists, turns, technical dexterity, quirk and compositional audacity. Looks like I’ll be overplaying this one too. 

Favorite moment: I could listen to “Courtesy Call” over a hundred times and I still wouldn’t be able to guess what direction it’s going to go in. 

5) Aldous Harding - Designer

 Of all the artists on this list, I find Harding the most inspiring in both her songwriting and her performing style, which is arresting to say the least. The songs on Designer are paradoxically accessible and impenetrable, with seemingly breezy songs like “Weight of the Planets” leaving you with a feeling that’s a cross between a “wow!” and a “huh?”(perhaps a bit like this). Most impressive of all, Harding draws to mind such greats as Nick Drake, Syd Barrett and Nico while always sounding completely like herself. I honestly don’t know what layer of reality Harding is from, but we should all be thankful she’s residing in ours for the time being. 

Favorite moment: “The Barrel” had been in my YouTube queue for ages; after finally watched it I was left confused, mildly disturbed, amused and completely beguiled. This kookily hatted lady is just semi-dancing in a heavily-draped room for nearly five minutes and it’s the most fascinating video in years. If the video wasn’t entertaining enough, it also happens to have one of the funniest and sweetest comment threads on YouTube. Oh yeah, and the song is brilliant. 

4) Deerhunter - Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared?

Deerhunter have really only misstepped once for me and that was with 2015′s Fading Frontier. Seeing as this is the band’s first full length since then, I had quite a bit of trepidation going in. Of course, a lot can happen in four years and Why Hasn’t Everything... is a thankfully thrilling addition to the band’s canon. Whether it be Cate Le Bon’s production, Bradford’s growing ease as a performer and eccentric, Lockett’s unexpectedly Low-esque "Tarnung,” or all of the above, this may well be Deerhunter’s most consistent release since Halcyon Digest. I’m even slightly tempted to say it’s better than it, but the sacrilege is too great.

Favorite moment: “What Happens to People” -- totally unique to the Deerhunter canon and already a classic. 

3) Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell!!

I never thought I could ever love an album with a Sublime cover on it, but here we are. In all fairness, the inclusion of “Doin’ Time” matters little when the originals on this treatise on Americana is so glorious.  Between the torchiness and the LA-specific witchiness of songs like “Bartender”, there’s not much on here that I’m able to resist. There may still be haters but “The Greatest” drowns them out a little more with each play.  Favorite Moment: “And we were so obsessed with writing the next best American record” - yeah, thank you for doing that.  2) Karen O & Danger Mouse - Lux Prima Truth be told, the first time I listened to this record I cried when it ended because I didn’t want to leave its world. There may have been more radical records by newer artists in 2019, but hearing Karen O doing what she does best, as well as trying many new things, was such a joy to me. I’m probably among only a handful of people who wanted to hear Karen do a straight up disco song in 2019, but we got it and it’s something to be treasured for years to come. To paraphrase Sparks + Franz Ferdinand, collaborations don’t (often) work, but thanks to O’s flawless vocals and Brian Burton’s sometimes Dave Fridmann-esque production, this one is an exception.  Favorite Moment:  I’m tempted to say the whole thing, but “Turn the Light” and “Redeemer” are maybe two of the biggest surprises on an album of many. 

1) Purple Mountains - Purple Mountains 

Purple Mountains is quite possibly a new touchstone in gallows humor. Given David Berman’s suicide less than a month after the record’s release, what should now be a grim and discomfiting listen is so mordant and wry that it somehow overpowers its bleakness. More striking than perhaps even the moments of humor is the album’s tenderness, so beautifully represented in songs like “Snow is Falling in Manhattan” and “I Loved Being My Mother’s Son.” Although it’s undeniably tragic that there will be no more words from Berman, the ones he’s left us with will fascinate and move us for decades to come. 

Favorite Moment: Unsurprisingly, Berman’s lyrical dexterity on this album is beyond measure. From the internal and slant rhymes in a line like “see the plod of the flawed individual looking for a nod from God” to the layers of meaning in “the light of my life is going out tonight”, the wordsmithery here is mesmerizing. If I had the time, I would gladly write an essay on how Berman used color to further emphasize a point. Thanks for the music, David, but thanks especially for the words. 

#best of 2019

[anntar-radix]

Chapter 1 (cause I’m bad at naming conventions)

“You complete and utter jackass”

“Yea, I know, I know.”

It doesn’t help that a 15.7 gigawatt arc of electric energy moving towards us at an increasing rate.

I really need to stop attracting attention from these assholes. Oh well.

“… hope this works…”

Engage defensive protocols.

Engaged.

Caster plates in position.

WARNING : SUPPLIER ARMS IN COMPROMISED STATE.

Great. Just great. The one time I can’t fix them.

“You sure this will work?!”

“Probably.”

“WHAT DO YO-”

Cast Nullify(type : Electric)

Supplying myst to caster plates.

Casting.

The plates started to dissipate the myst. Not even a tenth of a second later, the arc hit the electrical barrier that I cast up.

I smirked “Make that a yes.”

“Not. Funny. You jackass.”

“Oh get a new insulting name would ya?”

The barrier started to strain. That can’t be good.

“Once you make sure that wall of yours won’t fail on us.”

“Fair ‘nough.”

Return MystReservoir

5020326

Return MystConsumptionRate

-53.6

Not bad for a few gigawatts hitting this.

Override Nullify.Usage(100)

Overriding.

The bluish barrier solidified.

“That should hold.”

Quidel glared at me.

“What do you mean ‘should’?!”

“Oh, lay off it. You know I never deal in definitives.”

He just pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

“You jackass.”

“I know. That’s the third time you called me that in the past thirty seconds.”

And for good reason on his part. I keep dragging him into this shit that I find myself in. And yes, I know that I’m a bad friend. I’ve heard that comment too many damn times. Half of them from Quidel. Yet here he is.

“Do you know the quickest way to the top?” I asked, mainly cause the last time I tried to lead us anywhere, we ended up halfway across the continental U.P.. That was an interesting ride home to say the least.

“I’m trying to get my bearings, but it’s quite hard when you have several billion watts being thrown at your head.”

“Welp. Could ya hurry up?”

“Not helping, jackass.”

“Four times now.”

“Still not helping.” Quidel sprinted towards the rocky wall behind us. One dull thud later, the wall fell to reveal a small, steep tunnel going up towards the surface.

“Going up?” he said with a smirk on his face.

“About time”

And we both took a mad dash up the tunnel.

“You going to disable that barrier?”

“Let it run for a few minutes. It’ll slow ‘em down.”

“I’d still love to know why the hell they’re after you.”

“Do you want that in a list form or an MLA format essay?”

“When can I get that essay?”

“How good is your internet speed?”

He shook his head. “Really?”

“You think I’m joking.”

“And you wonder why I worry whenever you attempt to do anything.”

“First of all-”

“Don’t even start that spiel and look ahead.”

Light. That’s a good sign. Or a very bad sign.

The tunnel let out to a grassy field. Another good sign.

And then I saw ten humanoid figures marching towards us. Okay.

With weapons. Less okay

Pointed straight at us. Well shit.

-----

Well now that I got your damned attention, hello, bonjour, hola, guten tag, jambo, any number of other greetings.

If you found this, I probably destroyed the world at some point in the past. Probably. I make no guarantees or promises as you could recall. This transcript was made in an attempt to preserve some amount of the history of this place. Earth, the rock orbiting the star we call Sol, the stone we call home, was in quite the strange situation. You see, this planet, inhabited with all sorts of wildlife and the such, had a sentient type of animal called Humans that discovered – or rediscovered, one of several times, if you want to get into semantics – magic. Magic lead them to great things. Great things that improved life as a whole, or destroyed it all the same. Depended if the human was an asshole or not. Oh, and just to clarify, I’m one of these. I guess I just called myself an asshole, but, to be fair, I probably deserve all of the horrible names you could throw at me. Though the name that most called me by is Amadeus, meaning “love of god” – yes, I know its translation is ironic to what I probably did to the world.

-----

“Deus, what shit-pile did you drag me into?” It sounded surprisingly calm and low-voiced.

“All of them, knowing this damned organization.”

“I still would enjoy knowing what the damned organization is called.”

50 meters away currently.

“Ask ‘em then.” I said, pointing towards the merry band coming at us. Their weapons aren’t drawn at least. Maybe I could’ve had them wear ugly Christmas sweaters, then they could’ve be considered merrier.

“Something tells me they aren’t very sociable.”

“You have a better idea then smashing them to base elements?”

“Redirecting that pestering tank’s firepower.”

“I doubt we’d be able to trick them with that.”

A sharp crack of gunfire hit my ears and a sharp pain erupted from my leg. Well at least I know they have some people with good aim.

Pain Siphon Activated.

Still hurts like hell. Upgrade from bloody hell, but nonetheless.

“You good?”

“What do you think?!” My voice basically dripping with venom. I hate when Quidel starts this crap.

He just smirked “Well then it’s time for some fun.”

And just as quick as the smirk appeared, a blade, about 15 centimeters in length, came into his right hand. He raised the blade with a deathly glint in his eye.

“Step any closer and you’ll all be dead before the foot hits the grass.” His voice echoed around the field.

And of course a single soldier decided to take him up on his offer. Quidel’s blade sliced over his own arm quicker than the blink of an eye. The bodies that remained dropped to the ground with a nice thud.

“Did you really have to do that? You could’ve tried to talk to them.”

“Talking doesn’t require weapons and I also gave them a warning that they just straight up ignored!”

Before I could protest, he put a finger over my lips.

“No. You know that line is a straight up lie you like to tell yourself.” We both heard a gunshot in the distance. “Come on,” he said lifting me up “let’s get you home before you complain more about me killing people.”

-----

Ah, Quidel. My one longest lasting friend. I still don’t know how we came to be in the same group of friends, but life seems to baffle me in every single aspect of it. Including the fact that it needs to end. I suppose I should tell you what I know about him, though I think he does a better job at explaining himself. If not, I’ll try to tell you about it.

-----

Well… It isn’t home but at least he tried to get me in someplace that isn’t on an unending cycle of attempts on my life. The poor girl at the desk must have been terrified when she saw two random idiots walk in, one of which has a bullet in the leg, the other with a slice across the arm. As Quidel walked towards the rooms, I gave her a bit of a tip for the inconvenience of dealing with Quidel. And to a lesser extent, me and my bloodied leg. Hopefully the bleeding will stop before I have to sleep.

*****

“Son of a -”

A spark cut me off. It seems the universe is having fun cutting me off from talking today.

What sparked this time.

“Oh… great. Just great.”

That’s going to be at least a couple hundred to repair.

“What broke this time?” Quidel asked while watching the TV. Something along the lines of a house-building show by the looks of it.

“The bloody supplier arms.” With a side of incoherent muttering.

“Aren’t they made of some custom forged osmium-iridium alloy that you bragged about?”

“It’s a carbon-titanium alloy and because it’s a custom blend, it’s gonna cost a ton to repair. And it just fucking shattered.”

He glanced over. “Doesn’t look shattered to me.”

“The joint is, asshole.”

“How much?”

I took one of my several magnifiers to get a closer look at the damage.

Cracks everywhere along the spherical joint. Structural damage to the internal supply system. Large chunk of the joint is flat out missing.

“5, maybe 6 hundred.”

Quidel nearly choked on his cup of coffee. “Holy fuck. Do they want your liver to go with that?”

“Knowing my suppliers, they’d rather have more cash.”

“Don’t you think you could use something else less pricey? It seems like a chance to get a new and improved material out there.”

“As tempting as that sounds, I’d rather have my gauntlet made from my current alloy.”

“Still. You don’t have unlimited funds”

“I know, but you aren’t the one footing the bill. I know how to be thrifty, you know!”

“If only you would be willing to protect yourself then you wouldn’t have to repair the gauntlet as often.”

“I am.” I grumbled

“You really aren’t. You try to be but your refusal to let any blood be on your hands is preventing it.”

I glared at him and he just glared straight back. I knew he was right. The fact I refused to allow anyone to die at my hands was a hindrance to any attempt at self-defense I made. I just can’t bring myself to kill someone. To take someone’s life, it’s just… not mine to take.

“Says the one with a healing focus.” I finally managed to speak up.

“And I’ve taken my Hippocratic Oath and lived by it.”

“Then why do you kill the innocent?!”

“Those people aren’t innocent!”

“How would you know?!”

He just got up and huffed out the room, slamming the door behind him.

The silence in the air just reminded me of how different we could be. Me, the pacifist. Him, the military supportive healer. Both valid stances on the topic. One day, one of us will be proven wrong. But today was not that day.

#Amadeus #Quidel #nanowrimo 2018 #writing #creative writing #My writing #original writing #amwriting #yay writing #Project Æternus

[channelnewswire-blog]

The conclusive, best New Zealand music of 2018

For the very first and last time, Henry Oliver offers his conclusive account of The Spinoff's finest New Zealand music of 2018. Read it and get mad.

Here it is, my 10 best albums and ten best songs, all from Aoteroa, all launched in 2018. The one rule: appearance on one list disqualifies that artist from appearing on the other list. Okay? Okay.ALBUMS 1.

Chelsea Jade-- Personal BestChelsea Jade has constantly cultivated an

air of secret-- a mix of art school obfuscation, an inconsistent release schedule, and her fierce self-reliance in a category that usually counts on deep-pocketed labels to pay for the revolving churchgoers of authors and manufacturers we have actually all pertained to consider required. However this year, her stream of consistently impressive singles and EPs finally coalesced into a launching album and it cleared the high bar of expectation she had actually generated. Personal Best is whatever a listener might want out of this brand-new type of pop music that is

n't that popular(someone I was speaking with recently called it 'unpop '). It's catchy but weird, integrating nods to the category's leading lights(Robyn, Carly Rae Jepsen, and so on)with production flourishes of ASMResque coughs, clicks and gasps. Just as the music is made with an eager ear for detail, the lyrics are alive with social nuance and microscopic minutes. They check out more like little essays than poems.(Personal Best makes me want to write all the words I hate to be used to explain music like'clever'and 'literate '.)And all of it is covered in this look and vibe that differs from anything else in 2018. It's simple to ignorethe degree of trouble Chelsea Jade has actually set for herself. The images, the videos, the dances, the live show, the Instagramming, the'individual brand name

'-- it's such a small target she's been able to strike. A few degrees off and it all looks fucking ludicrous. However Personal Best-- and everything surrounding it-- struck the bullseye.2. Avantdale Bowling Club-- Avantdale Bowling Club The day'Years Gone By'came out, I was connected immediately. It's my most-played New Zealand tune of the year on Spotify and it's 7 minutes long! Its accomplishment is type of extensive-- a single personrecounting their life, practically year-by-year in seven minutes while still holding to a

rhyme scheme and something near to a song-structure. Those in-depth moments of childhood, the discomforts of growing up, his moms and dads fucking up, him getting screwed up, him getting semi-famous and after that getting reduced, him growing up, getting married, having a child. Numerous months and lots of plays later, I still get goosebumps when I hear the lines"And now I watch his eyes viewing mine/ Viewing life on rewind, too magnificent to define in one line." If you know, you know.Like Personal Best, among the things that stay so outstanding about Avantdale Bowling Club is how tough it is to do this well. Envision being a rap artist and telling your partners something like, "You understand A Love Supreme!.?.!? I wish to make a record kinda like that but a rap record."It's preposterous. It

's like saying,"Yeah, I wish to make a film like Citizen Kane, however a superhero movie." Yet, in some way he

pulls it off once again andagain.' Pocket Lint ','F (r)iends ','Water Medley','Home'-- all are filled with elaborate rhymes that so empathetically explain a particular New Zealand life, covering inequality, imagination , property, relationship, fatherhood, hope, hopelessness.3. The Beths-- Future Me Dislikes Me Emo lyrics, pop-punk guitar sounds, 60s harmonies, power pop hooks-- this is the recordI didn't understandI needed (and even desired)in my life in 2018. Future Me Dislikes Me is guitar pop songwriting at it's best. There is no guitar-based album in 2018, anywhere, as catchy as this one. You may prefer the Mitski record or the 1975 record or the Courtney Barnett record or the Snail Mail record, however none is as catchy as this. Because it's not empty catchiness

-- the lyrics are truthful(in some cases a little cringy even) and amusing

."Our category is hooks," guitar player Jonathan Pearce informed us a month or so earlier. And sure, hooks aren't whatever, however they make you wish to press play and after that press it once again and once again and again.4. Marlon Williams-- Give Way for Love There's no voice like Marlon Williams'. Not here, not anywhere. I can listen to it for hours. His voice might soothe the world. It must soothe the world. I like a record so specifically about a break-up, although it's been a long time since I might connect to any of it in the smallest. I like'Love Is A Horrible Thing'. I love 'Nobody Gets What They Want Any longer'. I like'The Fire of Love'.5. Fanau Medical Spa-- Fanau Day Spa If you want an album that might just have actually been made here, could only have actually been made in 2018, Fanau Health club is it. Building on the partnership behind Coco Solid's COKES mixtape, Fanau Health spa is a

fluid combination of Coco

Solid, Queen Kapussi, Joe Kori, Big Fat Raro, Xamiishi, Manu, Brown Boy Magik, TH1R § T3EN and Yumgod. There's literally nothing else like it.6. Unknown Mortal Orchestra-- Sex and Food Unusual how just months after its release individuals seem to be sleeping on this album. I suggest, to be fair, I hadn't listened to it that much after seeing them play Whammy Bar in the middle of the year, however going through it now, there are a lot of tunes on this

album. I was going to consist of'A

God Called Hubris 'on my songs list because A. I like it; B. it seems like what The Mint Chicks might now if they were still a band, and C. I believed it 'd be funny to include a 41-second song on my songs list. That would not be reasonable to'Not in Love','Break Yourself ','Everybody Acts Crazy Nowadays'. Not to point out'Hunnybee 'which isn't my favourite song on the album but is an undeniable feel-good disco banger.7. Julien Dyne-- Teal This is a mind-bending, toe-tapping, knee-drumming bursting-through-the-speakers rhythm bomb of an

album. You simply give yourself to it and not your head a little out of time.( Likewise, includes among my favourite tunes of 2017,' Hours'with Ladi6.)8. October-- Ultra Red Take bombastic commercial beats, sugary pop production, Jesus and Mary Chain fuzz guitars, grind it up, put it out and you have October's Ultra Red. I've stated it elsewhere but goth is having a moment in a bunch of different locations(anybody else psyched about those This Mortal Coil reissues? )and it's just a matter of time up until somebody determine how to combine it with forward-thinking pop and find their way into teenager's minds worldwide. There's no reason why it could not be October in a year or so.9. P.H.F.-- I Hate Myself P.H.F.'s I Hate Myself resembles the degenerate twin of The Beth's Future Me Hates Me.

Liz Stokes may dislike herself in

the future, however Joe Locke is method ahead of her. Like Future Me, I Dislike Myself is a hook-laden power-pop-punk affair however shrouded in static. It's a bit Weezer, a bit Smashing Pumpkins, a bit all those late-00s"shitgaze"bands. So good!(Yells to twitter power user

@m_h_lumber who tweeted this to me a variety of times throughout the year.)10. Princess Chelsea-- The Loneliest Girl I never thought 2018 would be a huge year for the Lil'Chief visual. The scene that kinda reached its peak they year (s) when The Brunettes, The Ruby Suns, The Reduction Agents, but produced two high-quality albums this year(see listed below for the other). Princess Chelsea's The Loneliest Girl is full of wit and sincerity. TUNES 1. Church & AP-- 'Ready or Not'It may be recency bias, but fuck it. If not now, when? Live for today, amirite? I imply, I liked their Thorough Bread record a lot, however still wasn't prepared for this bona fide radio-friendly HIT. Song of the year? Why not? Provide me a reason not to!"Savignon blanc? I saw that shit and I provided it to ma. "2. Hans Pucket--'Fuck My Life'I composed what I need to

state about this song in our reader's study post. In short: this tune is a hit and in any other time, in any other media landscape, this would be on the charts. Still ... 3. Tiny Ruins--'Just How Much'"On a lilo reading your letter, "is probably my preferred opening line of a New Zealand song in 2018. What a scene! I like that this song subtly expands the Tiny Ruins sounds without taking too

far into the psych-lite territory it might have easily gotten to. I just desire to reside in this

world all the time. And I'm giving reward points for the bass solo of the year.4. JessB--'Set It Off 'Play this next time your phone is plugged in at a celebration. Play this to your kids. Play this all summertime with your vehicle windows down. One of the live highlights of the overly-polite music awards is one of the highlights of the whole damn year.5. Delaney

Davidson-- 'Shining Day'I love this plodding

dirge

of a tune. Co-written with SJD,'

Shining Day' is the favorable affirmation you have actually been waiting on. Whatever it is you desire to do-- do not wait. Today's the day. This day. This is your shining day. 6. Drax Task--'Got up Late'I used to hate Drax Task. Maybe I still do, I don't understand. One day, my pal and employer Duncan Greive asked,"have you heard the new Drax single?" Of course

I hadn't! Weren't they those Wellington music school

kids who did covers of radio hits? Why would I stay up to date with their output? Well, in some cases the stars simply align. And this is it. The very best business radio struck to come from these islands this year. By far. No question. This ought to beon the soundtrack of every Hollywood teen movie

for the next two years.7. SWIDT--'No Feelings In The Wild 'SWIDT goes dark! There've been some difficulties to the crown this year (see # 1 above)however up until somebody comes out with a full-length as excellent as Stoneyhunga, SWIDT is still the rap group to beat. And while this year's EP wasn't quite as excellent, it suffices to hold the area.8. Death and the Maiden--'Wisteria'Before the time of writing, the last time I

listened to this song was driving over the hillsnorth of Dunedin en route to Moeraki. It was raining, foggy as fuck, and there was nothing that sounded as perfect as this song. I can recommend the experience.9. Jonathan Bree--'You're So Cool'I mean, I don't understand exactly what to believe

about this. Is this extremely earnest or incredibly paradoxical? Too

earnest or too cold? Does it matter? It's just such a well-crafted tune-- financial yet expansive, rich production. And the look! The video! 10. Carb on Carbohydrate--' It's Been a Rough Year'It definitely has. (Seriously-- I didn't know I wished to ever hear second-wave emo once again up until I heard this record. It's so good though

. It goes to many places I, as a listener, am not constantly keen to go. I enjoy it for it. ) So much of the music mentioned above-- songs and/or albums by Chelsea Jade, Marlon Williams, The Beths, October and more-- was made with the assistance of NZ on Air. We thank them.