#two years of my goddamn life is culminating in a single chapter of a fucking fan fic

[ghostoffuturespast]

42

The answer to life, the universe, and everything...

#i'd say i'm like a third of the way there but damn... #two years of my goddamn life is culminating in a single chapter of a fucking fan fic #i am committed to this bit #it is sink or swim #this either going to go exactly how i'm hoping it'll go #or i'm about to drop kick myself down 490k steps #there is no in between #fic: so it goes #writing #fan fic #either way grandpa you're coming with me

[carmenlire]

Stolen Hearts

Happy Valentine’s Day Part II!

read on ao3

Walking through the Gallery, Alec feels anticipation trickle down his spine. This job was one of his bigger hauls and just the thought of getting his hands on the sixteenth century sculpture has has pulse spiking.

He’s a professional, though, and even if excitement is lighting him up on the inside, he’s outwardly calm and cool.

His black combat boots make no sound on the marble floor as he makes his unerring way towards the location of his target. Thankfully, the owners of this villa were away for the week-- off on a weekend getaway to Napa Wine Country-- and Alec had the place to himself.

Studying the blueprints and security system had been no mean feat and these twenty minutes are the culmination of dozens of man hours and months of careful planning.

Alec’s in the zone-- the plan seared onto his memory-- but he can’t keep his thoughts from straying.

To him.

Shaking his head impatiently at himself, he freezes at Isabelle’s hissed warning that sounds in his ear just as a random red laser appears across his path. He's still for sixty full seconds before it disappears and Alec breathes a minute sigh of relief as he resumes his route.

Making the final turn to where the stature is, Alec allows himself a grin. Truth be told, he was getting to old for this shit and he’d been thinking long and hard about getting out of the game. Everything seemed too tame, too stale. There was no fun in it any longer and Alec had amassed a fortune that he could live on for several lifetimes.

He had two more heists to carry out and then Alexander Lightwood, known in certain circles as the shadowhunter, was disappearing into myth and legend as a notorious thief and member of the White Collar’s Top Ten Most Wanted List.

Alec takes one step into the statue room of Aldertree’s mansion and freezes in his tracks.

“Son of a bitch.”

Isabelle is demanding answers through his ear piece but all Alec can focus on is the fucking cupcake sitting right where his prized Hercules and Antaeus statuette should be.

Putting his hands to his hips, Alec lets his head fall back to stare at the ceiling as he closes his eyes and counts to ten.

He gets to four before shaking his head and moving closer to where Magnus Bane had just ruined everything-- again.

“Goddamnit, Magnus,” Alec swears and he doesn’t even startle as a voice sounds behind him.

“You rang?”

Turning around, Alec glares at the man in front of him. He and Magnus had been dancing around each other for years. It had started out with the two of them bumping into each other while casing the same museum and five years later, Alec was more surprised than not when he didn’t run into Magnus during a job.

Alec’s gaze drops down to Magnus’s hands and he swears again, turning the air blue with his exasperation. “That’s my statue, Bane, and you know it.”

“Do I?” Magnus’s eyes narrow as he studies the piece in his hands. His smile is slow and makes Alec’s mouth dry when he continues insouciant, “Finders keepers, darling.”

“I’ve been researching Aldertree for six damn months, Magnus, and I’m not going to let you come in here at the eleventh hour and swipe Hercules and Antaeus right out from under me.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, clearly thinking before he starts to nod slowly. “You know what, Alexander? You’re right. It is right dastardly of me to take what’s yours with impunity. Maybe-- just this once-- I’ll let you keep your little treasure.”

Immediately suspicious, Alec studies Magnus from where they stand several yards apart. The Gallery is eerily quiet and Alec can’t figure out what’s going on. Magnus has never let him have anything and it doesn’t make sense that he would start now.

“Why,” he asks warily. “Why would you hand a sculpture reputedly worth thirty two million dollars to me without arguing?”

Setting the statue down on the marble floor, the delicate ping of metal against marble is loud in the silence.

Magnus walks closer towards him and Alec can’t quite seem to get his wits about him. Magnus always looks good-- lethal yet elegant-- and tonight is no different. He wears black to distraction and his fitted pants look painted on.

Alec’s mouth waters no matter how many times he calls himself a fucking idiot for being attracted to the only man who’s just as sought after by the feds.

Magnus doesn’t stop until he’s standing right in front of Alec. They’re rarely so close and it’s been a few months since they’ve seen each other-- not since Alec had joined Magnus for a drink at his hideaway bar, The Hunter’s Moon, and warned him that word on the street was that Camille was about to go turncoat against Magnus in exchange for a lighter sentence.

The sharp intake of breath is achingly audible in the empty room and Magnus’s eyes fall down to Alec’s mouth for an earth shattering three seconds before he lifts them back up to meet Alec’s gaze.

“A little birdie told me that you’re going straight, darling.”

Chuckling, Alec’s eyes warm as he grins. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that if I was you, Magnus.”

Magnus immediately understands the hidden innuendo and he laughs too. Alec knows that it’s not his imagination when Magnus leans closer into his space.

“A poor choice of words on my part,” Magnus acknowledges wryly. “In any case, it looks like I won’t be running into you anymore in these dark, secluded spaces. More’s the pity,” Magnus says with an arched brow, “But I’m happy for you, Alexander. I hope that the next chapter of your life-- while frightfully dull and legal-- is just what you want.”

“So-- what? You’re just giving me Hercules and Antaeus because you want to throw me a bone?”

Magnus’s eyes light up and Alec glares at him, watches in amusement as his arch nemesis and greatest thorn in his side, makes a dramatic display of keeping his mouth closed.

Sighing, Magnus reaches for Alec’s chin. His grasp is firm and it’s astonishing how Alec doesn’t feel trapped. Quite the contrary, in fact. It’s absurd, but he feels safe.

“Want to know a secret?” Magnus doesn’t wait for Alec to agree before he’s continuing, “I’m leaving this life behind, too. Really, I’m already done and ready to set up a legitimate business. A night club in Brooklyn,” he confides to Alec who takes the news with a small pang.

“What are you doing here then,” Alec asks, tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“I heard you’d be here tonight and thought I’d give you a send-off. I couldn’t resist having a little fun with you, Alexander. You always make it so easy to ruffle your feathers.”

“So, what’s this? A goodbye?”

Tilting his head, Magnus regards Alec with a warm look, fondness overlaid with something that Alec can’t quite decipher.

“This is whatever you want it to be, darling.” His lips graze the shell of Alec’s ear as he whispers, “Happy Valentine’s Day, darling.”

Letting go of Alec, Magnus takes a step back. Adjusting his ear cuff, he jerks his chin towards the pedestal where the statue had sat and where currently resides a goddamn cupcake.

“I bought that especially for you, you know. Don’t forget it on your way out.”

Magnus is a few feet away when he finally pauses. He doesn’t say anything right away, instead taking the time to study Alec and give him a thorough once over.

His mouth tips up in a grin that barely moves his mouth, even if his eyes are dancing. “I hope I see you around, Alexander. Whatever the case, good luck and best wishes.”

Nodding somberly, Alec replies, “You too, Magnus. Thank you.”

His voice is quiet, trailing off at the end and with a last searing look, Alec turns around and leaves as quietly as he’d appeared.

Alec counts to thirty before he moves and then he goes directly to the pedestal. Once he sees the cupcake in full he laughs-- much louder than he should but he just can’t swallow the sound.

It’s a pink cupcake with swirling frosting. There’s a single candy heart in the middle that reads Cutie Pie.

It’s delightfully cheesy and Alec smiles. In the next minute, however, he sees the small white card underneath and is reaching for it before he even knows what’s happening.

The only thing on the front is his first name and when Alec opens it, there’s nothing but a phone number written in elegant script.

Alec feels butterflies kick at the potential this card represents, at the knowledge that Magnus wanted to continue their acquaintance even if they were both retired and logically, didn’t ever need to talk to each other again.

Sliding the card carefully into his pocket, Alec picks up the cupcake and holds it in a gentle hand while he takes the statue on his way out.

His last job is flawless as always and as promised, the shadowhunter is never heard from again, much to the FBI’s lasting exasperation.

For his part, Alec starts writing a book. It’s several months later when he has the draft to the first in a supposed adventure series about the fictional life of a world-renowned art thief finished. Sitting back in his chair, Alec looks away from the blinking cursor on his laptop screen and his gaze snags on the top drawer of his desk.

Reaching out, Alec slides the drawer open and takes out a pristine white card. He turns it in his hands and debates for a moment before reaching for his phone.

It might be a little late but Alec wonders what Magnus would think about an early-- very early-- Valentine’s Day dinner.

He wonders where one gets candy hearts this time of year.

#stolen hearts #my writing

[dustinmeadows]

Plan B. Let's Just Kill Each Other.

A few weeks ago, someone wrote this article acknowledging the 20th anniversary of the 1997 John Woo action film Face/Off, everyone's favorite face swapping movie starring John Travolta and Nicolas Cage. Which is fine. But then the author offers up that this might be one of the best action films of all time, which it abso-goddamn-lutely ain't. First off, MIGHT BE? The author isn't even committed to their own feeble premise here. And that makes them a FUCKING COWARD.

My name is Dustin Meadows, and I fucking love action movies. I can confidently tell you that Face/Off is nowhere near in the running for best action movie of all time. It's not even the best action movie of 1997, a year that gave us fun action films like The Fifth Element, Starship Troopers, and Con Air. Face/Off isn't even the best action film directed by John Woo that stars John Travolta, because that goes to the mercifully shorter Broken Arrow. Face/Off is an overly long 140 minutes, and with very few exceptions, no movie (action or otherwise) should ever clock in that far north of the two hour mark. And if you're an action movie running that long, you better be goddamn Die Hard or Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

The article pontificates on the differences between the action movies of then and now, by lamenting a simpler time when action movies were non-stop explosions, shootouts and choreographed fight scenes without any kind of nuance or artistic leanings thrown in the mix, incorrectly labeling Face/Off as a pure breed of the former in that comparison. That's also complete horseshit, because this movie is lousy with dramatic interludes and pointless scenes that attempt to build tension, but rarely in a meaningful way.

This movie is 2 hours and 20 minutes long. There are five total action set pieces throughout the film-the opening airport/hangar chase and shootout, the prison escape, the warehouse raid, the funeral/Mexican stand-off, and the boat chase finale. That's roughly one action sequence every half hour, which, all told, maybe makes up for 40 of the 140 minutes of the film. That's about 28% of the movie that's action sequences, which seems pretty damn light to me. I can handle action sequences being spread out if the in-between moments are really well done or bring something amazing to the table, but that's not the case with Face/Off. Everything in between those scenes is a lot of introspection and occasional quipping. Die Hard is basically the bar that I measure all action movies against, and there are more action sequences in that movie, which largely takes place in a single location and still has a shorter run time than Face/Off.

In addition to these problems, the finale is a boat chase. With the lone exception of Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, I don't think I've ever given a fuck about a boat chase in an action/adventure movie. Need proof of my point? A little movie called Speed II: Cruise Control, which takes place entirely on a fucking boat and also is terrible and slow and boring as shit. Almost the entire movie is a boat chase. Striking Distance, a largely ignored thriller starring Bruce Willis from the early 90s, tanked financially and critically. It's a movie about boat cops solving murders on a river? Were boats to blame for the film's lack of success? Well, I just can't say. But I'm sure it didn't help.

This final boat chase in Face/Off is the most underwhelming and unimpressive of the film's action sequences. You've gotta find something really special to make a boat chase interesting and fun to watch, and most movies fail to do it. That's why I typically don't give a shit about boat chases in films, aside from the previously mentioned Indiana Jones movie.

(You can hear a lot more of my dumb opinions on this episode of my old podcast, How Have You Not Seen This?)

Going back to the previous point about the underwhelming finale of Face/Off, this is a common problem in action films, particularly contemporary ones, in which the final action sequence can't even hold a candle to the more impressive action set pieces that came before. The airport sequence in Captain America: Civil War is so grand in scale and fun to watch, that even though the dramatic beats of the film's final handicap match between Captain America and Winter Soldier against Iron Man are more important to the story, the action in the final battle doesn't come as close to the airport fight. Wonder Woman's CGI clusterfuck fight against Ares from the film of the same name is nowhere near as impressive as the sequence in which Wonder Woman storms across enemy lines to take out an entire battalion of German soldiers. Kingsman: The Secret Service culminates in an extended gunfight/chase sequence/hand-to-hand combat between parkour James Bond type Eggsy and the knife-legged Gazelle, which is a great string of action, but again, comes nowhere near to the sheer brutality and coolness of the second act's church sequence where Colin Firth turns in an against-type performance as a badass who completely beats the shit out of a church full of Westboro Baptist types. While John Wick: Chapter 2  learned from its predecessor and stepped everything up, the finale of the first entry, John Wick, isn't as good as the bath house shootout or the botched home assassination attempt that occur earlier in the film.

The Expendables trilogy, on paper, is a brilliant idea, assembling an exciting ensemble of action stars from various eras in R-rated violent fun. While the series has its share of missteps, the trilogy at least understands that you always save your best for last when it comes to the action sequences.

The third act of Face/Off phones it in harder than any action movie has ever phoned in a third act, and is one of the many contributing factors that takes this film out of the running as a serious contender for best action film of all time. We get an amazing shootout during the warehouse raid, a heated and dramatic personal exchange between John Travolta's Castor Troy and Nicolas Cage's Sean Archer, and the emotional ending when Castor sees brother Pollux Troy knocked to his death by his nemesis, the man wearing his (Castor's) own face. Naturally Castor/Archer doubles down, abusing his power as a senior agent of the FBI to increase the manhunt for Archer/Castor, resulting in a climactic and explosive final battle between good and evil and giving us, without a doubt, the best action set piece of the entire film.

At least that's what should've happened. Instead we're treated to a third act that just kind of stumbles its way into a confrontation that feels empty and cheap, ultimately giving way to an uninteresting boat chase and finally fumbling the ball into the end zone as Archer/Castor harpoons the man he's spent his entire life chasing, avenging the murder of his son and then getting a brand new son in the process from Gina Gershon, because sure, why the fuck not?

Remember, I say all of this as someone who owns and enjoys the movie Face/Off. It's okay to be critical of shit you like, because frankly, sometimes we deserve better than what we get. Anyway, if you need me, I'll be busy working on my Face/Off reboot starring Wesley Snipes as Sean Archer and Terry Crews as Castor Troy.

#face/off #action #movies #john travolta #nicolas cage #john woo #1997

[onepunchmanchatroom-blog]

Didn't See That Coming

A/n: I had this brilliant idea and since yesterday [I swear I ment to post this yesterday… I fell asleep…] was the day Yusuke Murata will be 39 years old, let’s make a special chapter for ONE [Pfft, that pun wasn’t intentionally] of the best manga artist! Also, ONE and Yusuke Murata will be ooc…

——————————————————

[00:00]

ONE has created a chatroom.

ONE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN!

ONE: Crap, I didn’t add him yet…

ONE has invited Yusuke Murata.

ONE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN!

Yusuke Murata: ONE…

ONE: ?

Yusuke Murata: Do you know what time is it?

Yusuke Murata: Do you see the sun?

ONE: Um… Midnight, perhaps?

ONE: And… No, it’s still dark…

Yusuke Murata: Exactly…

Yusuke Murata: You woke me up when the sun isn’t up yet…

Yusuke Murata: Greet me when the sun is OUT!

Yusuke Murata has left the chat.

ONE: Jeez, I only want to greet him… Grumpy old man…

[07:00]

ONE: Okay… Since the sun is already out…

ONE has added Yusuke Murata.

ONE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MURATA-SAN! AGAIN!

Yusuke Murata: Thanks ONE.

ONE: No problem! So, any plans?

Yusuke Murata: Hm, not really.

ONE: Why?

Yusuke Murata: No reason, it’s just my birthday.

ONE: You really are an old man…

Yusuke Murata: Respect your elders!

ONE: Lol, no. Your only eight years older than me!

Yusuke Murata: It’s actually nine years older than you since your still 30, take that!

ONE: Well, I’m turning 31 on October 29!

Yusuke Murata: Still have four months to go, lol.

ONE: Hater.

Yusuke Murata: I’m not hatin’, I’m just statin’.

ONE: Stating on what?

Yusuke Murata: That I’m more cooler than you.

ONE: Oh, okay…

ONE: Hey!

Yusuke Murata: Truth hurts, doesn’t it?

ONE: …

Yusuke Murata: Kidding, your cool too, ONE.

ONE: Really?

Yusuke Murata: Yes, your ONE of the coolest people that I know…

ONE: Of course I am!

ONE: Wait… You punned my name!

Yusuke Murata: Sorry, saw the perfect timing and I took it. :)

ONE: Whatever…

Yusuke Murata: So, got the day planned?

ONE: Yeah!

ONE: But first… I have a special surprise for you!

Yusuke Murata: Surprise? My Kami, ONE. I’m to old for surprises…

ONE has added The Author.

The Author: Goddamit, I just repaired the fourth wall because of last chapter and then this?

The Author: What next?

ONE: PLEASE PUT MY CHARACTERS IN THIS CHAT!!!

ONE: OR SEND US TO MY ANIME!!!

The Author: …

The Author: No…

The Author has left the chat.

ONE has added The Author.

The Author has left the chat.

ONE has added The Author.

The Author has left the chat.

Yusuke Murata: Okay, ONE stop–

ONE has added The Author.

The Author has left the chat.

ONE has added The Author.

The Author: WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT?!?

ONE: PUT MY CHARACTERS ON THIS CHAT!!! Or at least send us in my anime…

Yusuke Murata: Um…

The Author: And damage the fourth wall more? I don’t think so, sweetie.

ONE: But it’s Murata-san’s birthday!

The Author: …

ONE: PLEASE!

The Author: Hell no…

ONE: PLEASE!!! IM BEGGING YOU!!!

The Author: Fine… But your paying on the repairs of the already damaged fourth wall!

ONE: Deal!

The Author: Can’t believe I’m doing this… Then again, his the ONE paying the fourth wall damaged…

ONE: Hey! Stop punning my name!

The Author: Never.

The Author: Anyways, good luck!

Yusuke Murata: Why do you wish us good luck?

The Author: Two of you are going to travel in a different dimension, duh.

The Author: Let’s just hope you two won’t have any ‘problems’…

Yusuke Murata: What do you mean about… 'Problems’?

The Author: Trust me… You don’t wanna know what those 'problems’ are…

ONE: Tell us!

The Author: Fine, can’t believe your the creator of my favorite anime…

Yusuke Murata: Neither am I, but it’s the truth….

ONE: Bleeh! Your just jealous since my website has already 100,000+ views every single day since 2015!

Yusuke Murata: …

The Author: …

The Author: I’m going to make sure that your birthday special will be more shittier than real shit, you fuc–

Yusuke Murata: Goddamn, please watch your language!

The Author: If Oliver Kirkland is in my life, he will already have a hundred swear jars that are full of my yens…

The Author: Anyways… ONE, you better stop disturbing me! Or else!

The Author: By the way, you’ll feel a bit of a tingly feeling and might have a splitting head ache…

The Author has left the chat.

ONE: What did they mean by he–

ONE has been disconnected.

Yusuke Murata: I never agr–

Yusuke Murata has been disconnected.

[10:00]

ONE has joined the chat.

ONE: MURATA-SAN!!!

ONE: Crap… WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING ADDING HIM HERE?!?

ONE has added Yusuke Murata.

ONE: Murata-san, look!

Yusuke Murata: ONE, it’s bad to point on random people!

ONE: I know but look!

ONE: Look at that shining bald head!

Yusuke Murata: ONE! Don’t go insulting someone!

ONE: I know but look! It’s Saitama!

Yusuke Murata: Must be a cosplayer, you know Japan has a lot of cosplayers…

ONE: LOOK ALL AROUND YOU!!!

ONE: WERE IN CITY Z!!!

ONE: WERE IN ONE PUNCH MAN!!!

Yusuke Murata: ONE, could you please stop shouting… People are watching us like were lunatics…

Yusuke Murata: And it’s just coincidence that this place kinda looks like the city that I made in your anime…

ONE: Kinda?!? Murata-san, it looks EXACTLY City Z!

Yusuke Murata: Like I said, coincidence…

ONE has added The Author.

The Author: Seriously?!? I told you to stop adding me!

ONE: I know but tell Murata-san that were IN One Punch Man!

The Author: Ugh… How about I prove that you guys are IN One Punch Man?

Yusuke Murata: How can you prove that?

The Author has added [Name], Genos, Saitama.

The Author: By that…

The Author: Ya better stop adding me here, ONE!

The Author has left the chat.

Yusuke Murata: Tell me those are cosplayers… And role players…

ONE: Nope!

Saitama: Who are they? And why are we here?

Genos: Sensie, in my data, it seems like those two people on this chat are the ones that invited us and they are also the people responsible of the culminating of our entire be–

Saiatam: Nope! If you shorten that in 20 words, that would be greatly appreciated.

[Name]: Damn, your so cold Tamago.

Saitama: DONT CALL ME TAMAGO!!!

Yusuke Murata: This is to good to be true…

ONE: What? Didn’t see that coming?

Yusuke Murata: You have no idea…

ONE: Anyways… Hi, were your creators!

[Name]: Your Kami?

ONE: No!

[Name]: Then you aren’t our creators then…

Genos: Sensie, this people are our creators?

ONE: Yes…

ONE: Technically, I am. Murata-san is just your 'mommy’ or a assistant creator…

Yusuke Murata: Say what?

Saitama: Whatever. What do you people need?

[Name]: Tamago don’t be rude!

Saitama: STOP CALLING ME TAMAGO!!!

[Name]: Never!

Yusuke Murata: Their kinda like a couple.

ONE: Shipped.

Saitama: WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!!!

[Name]: AS IF!!!

Genos: …

Genos: No…

Genos: Saitama-sensie, doesn’t see [Name]-san as a lover…

ONE: Two is in denial.

Yusuke Murata: And ONE is jealous…

ONE: Yeah…

ONE: MY KAMI, YUSUKE MURATA-SAN, WHY?!?

Yusuke Murata: :P

Yusuke Murata: “What? Didn’t see that coming?”

Saitama: Weirdos…

Saitama has left the chat.

[Name]: Saita!

[Name]: Sorry for his rude behavior! See ya people who thinks they are Kami!

ONE: Hey!

[Name] had left the chat.

Genos: Sensie and [Name]-san AREN’T going out…

Genos has left the chat.

ONE: HEY! WAIT UP!!!

ONE: Murata-san, hurry up! They are walking away!!!

Yusuke Murata: What are you going to do? Follow them?

ONE: … Yes…

Yusuke Murata: Why?

ONE: JUST FOLLOW THEM!!!

ONE has left the chat.

Yusuke Murata: My Kami… I’m to old for this…

Yusuke Murata has left the chat.