#was being 14 not bad enough?

[philsmeatylegss]

It’s really rude how my computer has gained sentience and is purposefully making sure it changes my correct answers into wrongly spelled answers on my knowt.io flash cards because it definitely isn’t that I am just incredibly frustrated and have really low self esteem so continuous failure makes me split into a situation where I am the victim and right now I am absolutely a victim of my sentient computer who knows what it is doing is wrong and they just want to hurt my feelings and it’s fucking working and I’m very sure punching and slapping my laptop that probably costs a grand will surely remedy the situation and I am behaving completely normal right now I am very rational in dealing with this situation thank you

#I showed signs of BPD during ages 10-14 but was way too young to be diagnosed and was able to get help before I was old enough to be #diagnosed but I still have tendencies because I am mentally ill to split #used to happen so much more now it only happens when I’m frustrated for a prolonged period of time and it makes me feel bad about myself #aka being hot and sweaty when walking and not doing well when studying #other than that I am very normal #rae’s rambles #delete later

[asmidge]

where was Yamcha in resurrection f 😐

#what did he have an important baseball game? was he taking puar to the vet?? WHERE IS HE!!!!! #the disrespect... #why did they bring lame ass crusty ass master ROSHI and not Yamcha. HELLLOOOOO #yamcha who loves his friends and goes to fights to protect them didn't show up to the frieza fight!?!? I hate it here I am so. so serious #yamcha knows he's not the strongest or the best fighter (despite his tendency to get cocky) but #he's always willing to put himself on the line for his friends. his absence during the Resurrection F is SO noticeable #ugh. I like super but I hate super but I LOVE super but I HAATE super #I like a lot of it and the good moments are usually great enough to make up for the parts I don't like but GODD there are some bad parts #(the bad parts aren’t just yamcha not being there. I have other issues with it I’m just complaining about Yamcha because I’m predictable) #if beerus and whis weren't such charming characters I don't think I would've watched it but man. I do really love them #I've softened a lot on super since I was like 14/15 and I just love Dragon Ball in general but I sure do have Problems with it #db watch

[raayllum]

Anyway let’s finally talk about

Dark Magic’s Cannibalism Motif

Dark magic has been compared to many things in fandom, most notably hunting by those who see nothing wrong with dark magic itself. However, I’ve always seen dark magic as been more adjacent to cannibalism — the consumption of self and others — as far as motifs and explicit explorations in canon go. 

This is for a few reasons, most notably Sarai’s speech in 2x05. In it, she critiques the labelling of the Magma Titan simply as a monster, instead positing

Does it think? Does it feel? Does it have a family? Or is it the last of its kind?

Simply put: is the Magma Titan sentient like a “human” (whatever that means) and therefore is murdering it much more ethically complicated than we want it to be? Is seeing something as a monster — as dark magic parts — the easy way out of the problem we’re in? Harrow is able to extend not seeing some lives as inherently more valuable than others on the basis of birth and borders to Duren, but he is unable to do so with Xadia. 

For example, if the Magma Titan is fully human in thought and feeling, but just speaks a different language — how would you feel if the spell had required an elf’s heart, meaning whichever unlucky elf they came across first would be slaughtered? What if it required an elven child’s body parts? Would you see the fault line then? Would you stare down the slippery slope and see the bottom?

While I think most dark magic spells that require only animals and plants and no magical creatures to be much more passable, even that is an ethical pit. What constitutes as an animal vs a sentient being in a world where some animals can talk? Is talking the basis for human intelligence, when plenty of humans do not talk and have routinely been ostracized and abused for it by society, seen as ‘less than’ to begin with? What if a magical creature is considered ‘sentient enough’ to not be magic parts in one kingdom, but not enough in another? 

Dark Magic is inherently about finite consumption. You have the materials for one spell at any given time; if it is going to be performed again, you need a repletion of these materials. (The one exception we see seems to be Claudia’s snake bracelets, although who knows how they’re enchanted.) Season three ramps this up further by showing how you can consume dark magic and how it can consume you — literally — particularly in the case of Viren.

“He swallows your heart.  He swallows your mind. He swallows your power.”

Translated dark magic spell from Aaravos when he and Viren are attacking Zym in the exact same way Ziard used in the 3x01 / 1x01 flashbacks with the sun birds. Time and time again, we see Dark Magic focus on parts and things rather than people. Dark magic, while it can use all parts in the body, even off handedly derides certain things and beings as useless. Additionally, organ harvesting every part of a person’s body is not the ‘winning’ solution here, either.

We see this in the way Viren, Aaravos and Claudia both treat other people like they’re inherently disposable (Rayla, the human soldiers - who although they fight, Ezran regrets and at least tried to give them a path; Kasef’s anger, the rulers’ lives, Khessa, Aaravos with Viren and Claudia, etc). We can also see this in the way Claudia only sees the parts of Viren she wants to, rather than seeing him for who he wholly is and who they are both becoming. 

So what is cannibalism, exactly, as a motif? Well, at its core, cannibalism is a transgressive motif, per the violation of the self and of personhood, and very common in the Gothic literature space in particular, although it pops up everywhere. Feeding on human flesh is routinely seen as a bad thing in the source materials (using that term loosely) TDP draws upon, like Greek Mythology (the Minotaur, who is half human in nature and in birthright with a human mother; Tantalus, who slayed his children and fed them to the gods and was punished accordingly). 

It also speaks to the religious Christian symbolism Viren is given in S3 (death and resurrection, parting a literal red sea, “only beloved son,” “do not be afraid,” etc). This lends itself perfectly to his God and martyr complex, believing so much in sacrifice of both himself and ultimately of others for ‘the greater good’ that only serves to incite more violence in the future. Christianity mythos is steeped in cannibalism with the body and blood of Christ being a literal belief in many denominations, including the one I grew up with (hi Catholicism). Furthermore, we see this cannibalism motif repeated more than once throughout the series:

CANNIBALISM is both a concept and a practice that may involve diverse themes of death, food, sacrifice, revenge, aggression, love, and destruction or transformation of human others. The many and varied examples of cannibalism are difficult to summarize, except in terms of the widespread idea of the human body as a powerful symbolic site for defining relations between oneself and others and marking the boundaries of a moral community. In violating the bodily integrity that prevails in ordinary social life, cannibalism signifies an extraordinary transformation or dramatization of relations between those who eat and those who are eaten. When it occurs in religious contexts, the act of consuming human substance commonly represents an exchange between people and cosmic powers, promoting union with the divine or renewing life-sustaining spiritual relations. 

This is the crux of Harrow and Viren’s disagreement over the Soulfang spell and the breakdown of their relationship, as Viren continues to push the moral boundary of the castle community while Harrow has his eyes fully opened. Aaravos is similar, with violations of the body and consumption of the other being a crucial part to furthering his and Viren’s bond.

TDP in some ways takes it one step further, violating not just the body but the spirit and the soul in some of the worst dark magic spells, hollowing out not just the victim’s body as a site of trauma, but the spellcaster’s body as well. 

We see this in Bloodmoon Huntress as the endgame. Kim’dael has been capturing and consuming elves - including children - for centuries, using their souls and bodies the same way Viren uses his butterflies. And we know from the coins and Through the Moon that souls used often in Dark Magic do not receive peace to the same degree as those who are allowed to rest, with both the assassins and the corrupted soldiers from the Storm Spire.

Dark magic destroys the world in an unsustainable way, as it can never be sustained by its nature; not in its ingredients, and not in the toll it takes on the user. Its endgame form, that we’ve already seen come to pass more than twice, is organ harvesting of children or innocent beings. The horror of cannibalism is desecration of the self through desecration of the other, of dehumanizing another person enough to use them on the most base level possible as food.

And well, that sounds like Dark Magic, to me.

#dark magic #tdp #tdp meta #the dragon prince #almost got distracted halfway through by dark magic routinely being a way to escape consequences but that's a meta for another day #analysis series #disagree just move along lmao #viren #me finding out at 14 it's technically supposed to be literal: wut #the english major strikes again #this isn't as eloquent as i want it to be but also comes from 'yes dark magic is bad. if the show's text isn't enough for you #idk what to say' so here take some stilted sloppy meta lmao #multi #arc 1 #bloodmoon huntress #viren x aaravos

[prudencepaccard]

didn't get cast in ensemble. they did cast a girl at callbacks I literally taught the harmony to though. fucked up

#spent a year thinking about the audition #have actively waited for an opportunity to audition for at least seven years #show on my radar for at least 14 #love to be good enough at the audition that they call you back and then have them be like #actually never mind we don't want your voice even with the other voices. #we have no place for your body on stage with the other bodies #this is what I was afraid of. this is why as soon as it was announced like two years ago this might be produced I was as #stressed as I was excited. #it's not about ego or rejection it's just about getting to do a dream there aren't many chances to fulfill. I just get fixations you know? #rehearsals start tonight without me! #only thing helping me hold onto my sanity is an inside source telling me that the director is horrible #it's hard for grapes to be sour enough for me to not to hurt bad bad bad #but it takes away a little bit of the grief #as does the fact that a friend has the kindness to try and comfort me like that #mensch behavior #I have othr things to look forward to this was just high stakes you know #not a lot of chances. dependent on others to provide chances. autistic hyperfixation on little scraps of the score #most passionate out of anyone who auditioned for sure #and I'm not even bad #I fucked up at callbacks a little but I was hoping they wouldn't be insane about it #but holding my breath until I could get the relief of knowing I was in #which would also have been incredible news in other ways too––being in any show has been a long-term goal and I would be like okay I've hit #that milestoone and should actually invest in a headshot #but I guess not!!!!!! #going to try and not be angry at myself though #I'm good and will throw myself into my work #which I have much to do of and talent to apply to

[cephalonheadquarters]

internet safety is a wonderful thing and so important and i love being safe online soooooo much

#do schools even teach internet safety anymore? i learned it in like elementary school #since i have two younger brothers 10 & 8 they have access to the internet and i guess i get a little bossy but i try to make sure theyre #being safe... if theyre able to talk to people i tell them theyre not old enough to do that yet..! the 10 yr old has a scratch account and #while scratch is fine i dont like that he can comment and read comments no matter how safe the site is #internet safety is so fucking important to me im dead serious #it makes me really sad to see a lot of young kids able to communicate with strangers Even if its safe! Theres always a risk #Like i met someone who was 9 on discord a while ago. ☹️ I told them they shouldnt be on it but i dont think they listened to me anyway #To be honest #Idk what the right age is to have full access to the internet. 13 feels too early but 16 feels too late but idk abt 14 and 15. ig 15..?? #Id say it depends on just being a teen and how mature you are but idk #I dont think it really can be helped if you have access to the internet #I just hope kids are aware of the good and the bad and how to navigate the internet!! Because its really scary! #If you say you hate kids i dont trust you. if you make fun of kids (in a mean spirited way basically bullying) i dont trust you. #I would love to be able to help and be friends with kids so that they know better but unfortunately thats not always going to be possible #Its 3 40 am bye #Oh and i fucking hate snapchat and instagram and omegle. Genuine burning hatred for those stupid things fuck them #Even tiktok is better than those. And i dont even like tiktok

[kirnet]

are yall impressed with my actium progress *cries*

#i feel like im working on it non stop and then i actually see the amount of progress... girl #behold chapter 1. see if you can glean anything from it #ive fucked both of my wrists up pretty bad already and im just ignoring the injury which is not helping me pick up the pace lmao #my goal is to try to get in a rhythm where i can get 5-10 pages done a week depending on my day job and shit #chaps 1 to 5 are completely scripted panel by panel so i know exactly what im doing for them #and if i release about 10 pages every other week i should have about a 9 month buffer to keep working and scripting the rest. which seems #like enough?? i can always speed up the upload schedule if im really ahead but i dont see myself being that ahead lmao #act 1 is gonna have 14 chaps which are already plotted out and acts 2 and 3. wll #i mean i have most of the ideas lmao im sure itll all come together as i get closer rip #anyways. anyways #im learning to be faster but my focus has just been shot so hopefully i can double down and finish this chap #at this pace im hoping to release maybe in april/may? hopefully earlier? maybe later? #but def this year! #anyways i just needed to get all of my thoughts out lmao goodnight. im gonna rest my wrists #ramblings #actium posting

[oh-meow-swirls]

imagine being nate/katie n just having to deal with world-ending schemes or whatever four summers in a row. possibly just over the span of like three summers-

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #at oldest they're 14 in 4 n at youngest they're 12 n have dealt with so much bullshit- #they don't even get to relax during the school year. nate fucking dies during the school year in blasters #how do you think his family n human friends reacted to him dying n then just showing up again perfectly fine fffgcngbd- #“hey guys” “nate wtf we thought you were dead” “i was. now i'm not” #“we had a funeral for you it was really sad” “well i'm alive now so” #i'm pretty sure in m02 his injuries just weren't bad enough to kill him (just knock him unconscious) #so when he fucked shit up as fuu 2 he just. got to be alive again #n given that he dies the same way in blasters it's probably the same #but also it's funny to imagine everyone being extremely confused how he's just casually alive again-

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I am like 'boy I am So Normal' and other times I am like 'wow my grandmother sure did give me a lot of undergrad level art criticism to chew on when I was like 13'

#red said #both the good thing and the bad thing about my grandma was that she didn't talk down to kids #and she had taught undergrad art school #and I'm not sure i was always 100% on board on account of being A Child #but she had me reading Klee's pedagogy of drawing when i was like 8 #and oh god what was it. herbert read's 1930s analysis of modern art? when i was like 14 #i know this bc my year 9 portfolio is full of anime art and a big typographic quote about interpreting art from read #now when i go to art galleries with my friends i vacillate wildly between 'haha look at how weird this guy's hair is' #and 'the impasto creates a kind of paradoxical verisimilitude!' #bless them but i was walking around a gallery with my partner enthusiastically going on about trompe d'oeil and marxist analysis of realism #and i said '... does that make sense' and they said 'nothing you've said for the last 20 minutes made sense but it sounds cool' #and people think I'm like this because i went to art school #NO THE ROT SET IN WELL BEFORE THAT and also like i did a year less study than my classmates at undergrad #and i still found most of them hadn't heard of most of the terminologies i was throwing around #it wasn't until my masters i started meeting other people who were hype about critical theory #and then i felt stupid bc tbh i haven't like. STUDIED it formally. i just pick bits up. #so when i was talking to someone with a really thorough grounding in semiotics i was just Saying Words #understood what she was saying but couldn't back up my own points enough to feel like we were on an even keel

[box-dwelling]

If I could get over my internalised ableism and be like 5% more organised and do shit like use my fucking support aids and take my fucking meds I really would be unstoppable.

#brought to you by me inguring my ankle and being forced to use a stick and thus being reminded that using a stick makes my life 100x easier #the gaul honestly #when i was like 14 i got it in my head that i could just stop using my aids and not be disabled anymore because then no one would know #other causalties include hand rests. physio exercies. typeing my notes instead of writing them by hand. and wearing my god damn hearing aid #and now im mostly over that but my brain sometimes screams im not fosabled enough to use a stick despite thay not being how that works #but im very very bad at habit forming so all that shit is still abandoned. #i used to be better about my meds. i really did. but now i think im drawing connections that dont exist between them and my seizures #and like. if i dont take them i still get seziures. but if i do take them i presume they casued the seizure #even though ive been taking these meds for years and the seziures have had a slow degeneration to be this bad #im calling them seziures. the doc is unsure but the are at least seizure like #fuck i just need to get my fucking shit together with my disablities #i have stuff to make everything a thousand times easier #i just dont fucking do it because im a dumb ass

[thegoodcultist]

Does it make anyone else Very very anxious when you go step into a discord server and there's admins/mods who are under 15? Especially if the topic of the server is a bit heavy?

#Young people modding and managing things is totally fine and its been happening for years #but typically that was on things like forums #not really busy live chats with hundreds of members #ive seen servers relating to things like trauma and stuff and theres 14 year olds running round trying to put out fires and explain to #weirdos about how what they just said was racist and against the rules #discord breeds weird power dynamics and power kicks and staff teams can get so... tense #ive been there lol dark days #if any young staff members are seeing this im not shaming you . youre probably doing a very good job #but please remember that youre not even old enough to drink. or maybe even drive and its not your responsibility to make sure people arent #being problematic or predatory #discord #discord servers #bleuhghhh bad energy man

[narutomaki]

people will tell me it doesn't matter what people think about me and then turn around and go home/online to the people that love and care about them unconditionally

#bro have you ever even been kicked out of you house at 8. 13. 14. 15. because you either fought back or expressed yourself too openly #and ur mum was just in a bad mood that day? have you never been abandoned on the side of the road half way across town? #have you never had anything on the floor or our of place on your desk or shelf thrown out because it pissed her off? #have you never been ostracized every day at school from KINDERGARDEN TO GRADE 5? have you never had someone you thoight #was a close friend laugh in your face for talking to them on front on their other firneds? #like dude. it matters a lot what other people think about me. that it comes off like i dont is not a fucking compliment for me 😭 #UNFORCH. AND I STILL CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY. :) COULD HABE BEEN WORSE!!!! XOXO #i dont care what people think about something indo until someoen goes wow i love how you do x like no ones looking #and then i will never do x again ever even in the privacy of my own bedroom 2 years removed from my mother being alive. #like. idk man. #i had people that did not like children OR ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL telling my mother to be nicer to me. #its. idk man idk how to explain that its engrained in my fucking dna and idk hownto escapenit. #sad. oh well #vent #neg #like. dude i have had people drop me for being too interested in their lived and for not being interested enough. #i have in fact been locked out of the house at night b4 without a key and only been let back in bcus the neighbours called the cops. lol. #lmao. lmfao. even. like idk! idk!! #if i was quiet if i was good if i sat and listened to her and asked the right questions and provided myself as the pwrson she wanted #me to be thst day than i didnt get ostrasized! i wish i had had. any adult. growing up. thst i felt unconditional love and safety from #id say thst person was my grandmother. and it was. she just wasnt there for me in practice? idk man. maybe #she just didnt want me in the house w my grandfather. maybe she just didnt want the family stress that would come #from taking me from my mother. but regardless. she died before i turned 16. so. doesnt matterm #death m #abuse m #oh man we are spiralling oopsm

[dinitride-art]

I’ve got a required class that I don’t particularly feel happy doing, but at the end I’ll have the ability to make edits so. The promise of being able to cause myself psychic damage at the end of this will get me through the psychic damage I’ll sustain while doing it.

#I am not the best at technology because the way people have explained stuff to me in my life #usually makes me feel stupid #because it’s like why don’t you know how to click this thing! it’s literally this button right here! #and how would I know that #like yeah I know logically how this should happen but none of these symbols make any sense #and when I hover on some of them they don’t give me the helpful little description #and it’s terrible #there’s always the comments about how your generation was raised on this! why don’t you know how to make a file folder #sorry I was like 14 and had literally no need to before this ma’am #anyways this class isn’t like that but my prior experience with being taught this stuff is bad #not a great place to start learning how to use photoshop #I don’t care that it can do literally everything #that means nothing if it fails to convey how to do anything at all #if you want me to learn a language you have to give me people speaking it first #throwing grammar and verb conjugations just isn’t enough #I’m just going to cry about it for a while and then I’ll be okay again #actually what I really think could fix this is if they taught a theory of computer science course #without any math or stupid shit in it #so I personally could figure out how it goes from a circuit board to YouTube #I don’t need to know how to make a computer or a website #I just need to know how it works #like I can’t do scientific experiments but I know how the immune system operates well enough to be okay with it #better yet explain it to me using Minecraft red stone #and old pixelated video games #can’t promise that this will be the end of me comparing about this #because I’ve got stuff due tomorrow and I need to make myself do it #sorry in advance for the person I may or may not become tonight

[pekklewife]

anyway guys every day i feel more and more like maybe the multiple adults in my childhood who said they thought i was showing signs of ocd may have had a point. even on the highest legal dosage of zoloft with the dbt handbook drilled into my brain i have to fight off the intrusive thoughts with a broom 😭 and my contamination anxiety is so bad like during the beginning of the pandemic i definitely had the feeling of "everyone says im a germaphobe but actually im finding out that everyone else just has very gross and unhygienic habits" which i do think is still true to some degree but also most people probably do not feel the overwhelming compulsion to wash their hands everytime they blow their nose or disinfect their phone or touch a door handle..... and on that note most people do not disinfect their phone EVER let alone multiple times a day

#i really rejected the idea of possibly being ocd bc i never felt like my case was bad enough #but actually thats silly and just straight up incorrect #being anxious about my house spontaneously burning down to the point of spending hours considering what i would try to bring with me #the fucking nightmares about committing serious crimes in more the legal and moral sense...... the intrusive thoughts and then the fear that #someone else can hear my thoughts and then feeling like i must be bad bc i want to hide my thoughts #uhm maybe thats a little serious. #AND THIS IS ALL HAPPENING ON A MEDICATION THAT TREATS OCD #and ive been on zoloft for so long... since age 14?15? im terrified of how i would feel off of it..... what would it feel #without all the teenage hormones and social struggles of school would i be able to cope without this medication?? #and here comes the thought spiral😪😪😪😪 #quackings

[heartyearning]

context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.

#my mom says i shouldnt let this embitter me but i think they should either find an example of when ive been disrespectful #or apologise to me and take it off the written feedback #i had to sit there and listen to everyone say that they dont think im disrespectful which is so fucking humiliating #because i KNOW that. but i still spent all weekend long worried out of my mind & i sat there trembling like a leaf and fucking crying #because i feel so betrayed by all these people im ngl. like im supposed to open myself up to these people and i DO #and be vulnerable with them and i AM #and yet when something like this comment is thrown around in a feedback discussion no one stands up for me? #& i know that they dont like. know all of us individually THAT well like i know that im vulnerable and open with them and they dont like #remember specifics #but theres only 14 ppl in my class which granted is a lot but its not enough to just forget that ive never done anything disrespectful #to any one of my fellow students #in the words of my favourite wrestler: This Has Hurt Me. #and in the words of my best friend who is mentioned in the post: kinda sus the only two people who got this type of feedback #(she didnt get it QUITE so harshly but she got the feedback that she should be a little more considerate towards other students #which is still nonsense because literally like everyone else said she's the one we'd all come to if we ever had a problem) #but kinda sus that the only ppl getting this feedback are the two neurodivergents in the class #whatever. whatever whatever ive been crying im upset im somehow even more upset by one of my teachers being like #'this isnt ok esp this phrasing & i'm gonna look into this' like she's super nice and sweet and it does make me feel better #but its also like. confirmation that i SHOULD feel upset somehow? idk. oh it sucks so fucking bad #& i told one of the other ones about this in terms of like 'listen i have autism i dont always know how to interact w ppl #so when i do this or that this is what i mean' and she was like 'wow ive learned so much this discussion has enriched me' #werent the point bestie. the point was for you to please stop making assumptions when i am not the only person to react in this way #very unhappy right now. this has hurt me dot tweet

[blossomkoushi]

me, being sad and overthinking

#im not actually gonna get depressed again i refuse to #i cant keep being in a cycle where i go out and then have this intense drop that pushes me into depression territory #im gonna try to get a therapist appointment soon but just!! i dont know i feel so good and then i feel so so bad #and like yesterday there was a pride event at a club so i actually wore a crop top (and a flannel ish shirt but i took it off #and i was feeling good and not overly self conscious #but then we left then club and like yeah i dont love walking home alone but its like. ugly privilege #because even if i think im pretty that doesnt mean that im "pretty enough' to get harassed #which i know sounds insane and i definitely dont want to get harassed wtf #but literally the last time anyone even tried to make a move on me in public was when i was 14 #anyway. i think i could've walked home alone and been fine #tw: rant #tw: vent #tulip.rains

[bsaka7]

IT band is bothering me for the most it has since the beginning of last summer... literally no clue as to the trigger but I am ANNOYED!!!!

#Tetrapod runs #Like the last couple runs it's been tight but like... Idk i don't run that far on the treadmill so I wasn't worried. #And it ebbs and flows while skiing like sometimes bothers me a bit but usually goes away quick... #I should have known. I've been sooo lax with doing my PT exercises.... #Also the way I was just thinking the other day I don't do enough core/strength lol #My body.... Ugh. The worst is its winter too #So if I fall out of a routine I will be so miserable.... #we'll see. I know I should maybe take a day off or smth but I already had 2 off days this week.... 1 bc tired 1 bc migraine #Which is already 1 more than normal..... Ugh. Well 4more hours of work to contemplate #The way I've been dealing with this since I was 14 #And it's been way less bad since being like. An adult #But still. Annoying #Also i need to get another job so I know where I'll be so I can plan for my summer/fall races.... #Need to do another marathon for SURE!!!