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#whatever itll work i guess
tenshouining · 1 year
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Day 2 - Transition. A conversation with your future self. colourless ver. under rm !!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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klonoadoortophantomile · 11 months
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i need to Not stay up until midnight again working on school shit but also my project is Still Not Actually Fully Done and my actual final deadline is tomorrow. man
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dykedragons · 1 year
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im sofuckgin tired u guys its unreal
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ispyspookymansion · 2 years
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4th long closing shift in a row tonight lets celebrate that. or something
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mothbeasts · 2 years
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Okay trying to not get like too serious or anything but. I am having a Time today. Being hit with the realization that I'll probably have to retake this year of school.
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be-good-to-bugs · 24 days
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ok why am i SO tired what the fuck
#the bin#i went to sleep yesterday at 4pm and then woke up at midnight. was uo an hour n ate a snack. and then went back to bed till 12#and then i went back to bed at 6pm. i got up at 10:40 and now its 2:30am and im SO tired#i cant sleep tho cause i gutta do laundry and then shower and then work. im only working a 4 1/2 hour shift tho#and then i have 3 days off. i can take big day long nap in that case.#i only even got up at 10:40 bc i wanted the kitty paws so i woke up specifically to boop. or else id of stayed in bed till now#cause i had an alarm to do laundry at 2am. hhhh. i wish i wasnt so sleepy. its so annoying. i oove sleepy but not when i have stuff to do#i guess it does make sense. i was SO behind on sleep for a week and then got even more behind bc of cleaning and stuff#but cant you just wait one more day? couldnt you do this tomorrow after im done working??? guess not. oh well.#im really upset i didnt get an answer from my mom yet. she said april 1st. she coulda at least texted me to say she doenst know yet#shes probs busy and forgot but. im so stressed abt this. if i dont fall asleep by the time shes done work tomorrow maybe i can call#hhh. i hate having this on my mind 100% of the time. its so stressful. my heart is constantly racing. my breathing is bad bc of it#having a constant anxiety attack sucks. maybe thats why im so tired too. i guess it is oretty exhausting. hhh. and its making me sad so#whatever. itll be fine. i do believe itll be good news. it HAS to be good news. i dont have mych basis for thinking itll be good news beside#asking some cards and like. i enjoy cartomancy but i dont put that much weight on it. but its all i have. it WILL be good news
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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nevermind man
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im feeling better but like,,, i havent even started the antibiotic yet???
. . .
ill do that tmrw. at least now i know i dont need to take the numby medicine.
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176gumi · 2 years
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Gggggggggggggggggggggg
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage#directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space#im just fucking. im at my saturation point#its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking#mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance#and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting#that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck#ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done#im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine#bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt#working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it?#idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating#god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to#feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even#this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong#im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must#be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care#leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care#anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy#i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago#itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage#unrelated
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ahiijny · 2 years
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#ahi's ramblings#anyway menhera-wise i feel like im mostly back to normal now#i can think about topics like death and whatnot w/o falling into a crippling downspiral of anxiety#i mean its still there looming but it's a lot more distant now#im sure itll come back later as time passes but for now im fine#24 is a bit young to be having a midlife crisis isnt it? lol#well i guess for the twitter demographic 24 can be considered middle-aged#old even :3#but dam i spent pretty much that entire week of pto just recovering my mental#wat a waste#oh well#this all started bc i started randomly getting dizzy if i tossed and turned too quickly in bed#which im pretty sure isnt anything serious bc its happened before and it usually goes away after a week or so#its gone now as well#probably just a symptom of sleep deprivation or not getting enough exercise or not eating well or whatever#but anyway this led to hypochondriac thoughts#and then thoughts about mortality and death#and then worries and sadness about my parents who are not young anymore#my mom is too skinny tho (she keeps skipping lunch when she has work :/)#and my dad had a stroke last year (he takes blood thinners etc. now iirc)#other than that theyre both pretty healthy for the most part tbh#im probably worrying over nothing#my mom ran long distance when she was younger and unlike me my parents both really love sports and biking etc.#anyway#im gonna try to exercise more and help out my parents more around the home#and aside from that i will try to not worry about things i cant do anything about anyway#might delete this later
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weebsinstash · 10 months
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Ugh okay I’m not sure if this will really fit with ur ideas but whenever anyone brings up group yanderes I’m always drawn to a specific scenario: Reader, by some miracle, gets a significant other outside of the group that, again, by a miracle, they don’t know about (I’m thinking, in this scenario, Reader travels through universes often to hang out with different spiders, and in a universe they visit frequently, they sneak off and see someone whenever the local spider is doing their spider stuff). Said s/o breaks up with Reader and they’re obviously upset. The group starts freaking tf out because their darling’s upset and not telling anyone what’s wrong, while Reader’s going through a whole internal conflict because they know they’ll be in trouble if they tell the truth, but also they know their ex will be in MAD trouble, so they’re desperately trying to hide the whole situation, which only makes things worse as the group descended into chaos, knowing that their darling is hiding *something* and not telling anyone. The whole spiderverse is working together to manipulate you/figure out what’s going on. People like Jess, Pav, and Gwen try to approach you as sympathetic friends who you can vent your issues to, while characters like Miguel and Hobie are much more upfront in telling you to tell them what’s going on, not even asking. When the truth does inevitably get revealed, it’s hell on earth for both you and your ex. (Bonus; imagine if said ex actually hurt you in some way other than breaking up, like admitting to cheating or was generally cruel to you either during the relationship or just in the breakup. The fury of your captors would be biblical)
God and from their perspective some/most of it is justified because you're walking around SIGNIFICANTLY more depressed than before, you're starting to become more anxious and jumpy, and with some people you're outright lashing out in anger if they press you on the subject, so like, even if some of the Spiders are trying to invade your privacy or even manipulate you, from their side, there's no telling how serious this problem actually is, or if it's nothing to be concerned about (in the grand scheme of things, you having a fight with your partner isn't some world shattering event, but to THEM it's 'wait Reader's been dating? who???' And like virtually no matter who it is, if they're a Normie they aren't good enough by the Society/your group's standards. Although technically if dating could potentially interfere with any of your future canon events, well, then you have a particular spicy papi very upset with you...)
So like, I haven't seen all clips of Miguel's scenes and speaking lines yet but I've been spoiling myself to a little more (I aim to see spiderverse on the big screen this weekend so I was kinda leaving some to surprise, fucking hid all my wax and edibles, im gonna dry out for a few days and hit some dabs and see this shit in IMAX and itll rewire my fucking brain shits gonna be so good) but oh my god this man gets so fucking scary. He's just on his brooding platform already stressed as fuck which is a constant state he lives in at this point and here's Jess and Peter B as concerned parents to fill him in on their concerns, what they've seen from you: sudden increased self isolating, crying more, becoming more withdrawn and quiet, refusing to talk to them about it, trying to spend all your time alone. Miguel just, trying to tether the last pieces of his mental sanity together as he decides to go visit you personally, and he can immediately tell you're hiding something from all the darting glances to the fact you don't want to look him in the eyes.
Like can you imagine, I guess it depends on how you see Reader "going about", like do they have their own home universe or whatever, but, Miguel hasn't confronted you himself yet and he decides, fine, you want to keep secrets, good fucking luck, and all of his dimensional watches he's given out are probably connected to the same servers and systems so he just, looks up your travel log and quickly identifies that you've been visiting the same universe repeatedly, but none of your friends seem to know why you would be going there. Say you've been hanging around in Gwen's universe and Miguel assumes, oh maybe you're spending time with Gwen, maybe that emo little drummer said something to upset you, but Gwen looks confused (and a little upset) when it turns out you've been apparently popping in her universe without even saying hi? And Miguel is gritting his teeth because he's starting to form a theory on what's going on and he doesn't like it one fucking bit
He teams up with Jess and Peter B and Gwen and some of your other pals and he starts triangulating your bracelet and. Wow what the fuck you're in Gwen's dimension RIGHT NOW. So then they all race towards your location to watch from a distance, some real loony tunes, "all 6 or 7 of us are hiding behind the same tree" bullshit, and, there you are from a distance, out of costume as you're clearly very upset, talking to someone that, most of the Spiders recognize instantly minus characters like Pav and Jess and Miguel and there's this resounding GROAN OF DISGUST "oh god, NOT FLASH THOMPSON" (for Spiderman lore newbies this is literally the character that bullies the fuck out of Peter Parker in high school like literal actual shoving him into lockers shit)
Peni uses her mech to send out a listening device and everyone is comically gathered around as they eavesdrop and start getting progressively more furious as they start piecing things together: you HAD been there to visit Gwen initially, but somehow you met Flash out of costume and the jockey SOMEHOW managed to woo you, but the relationship quickly became manipulative and controlling until you eventually caught Flash with another person. They're all GRITTING THEIR TEETH as you're in tears, asking him what you did wrong, where did you mess up, and Flash basically tells you to your face, "you're nothing special, I got bored of you"
Your little groupie gang of platonic and romantic yandere WITH STEAM BLOWING OUT OF THEIR EARS as you whimper "but... you-you said you loved me! We SLEPT together!" And he just. Fucking laughs in your face, SHOVES YOU, and calls you a slut before walking away with someone else on his arm
Gwen absolutely seething as she reflects on how Flash treated her Peter and Pavitr is swearing curses onto his entire family line meanwhile Hobie just like "oy would it break canon if I smash my guitar over that pisser's head". Peter 'I just wanna talk to him' B Parker as he hands Mayday off to Jess while cracking his knuckles. Miguel is, well, upset about like 10 different things because God fucking damn it, how long have you been hanging around with non-Spiders in other universes? (Do you think the Spider Society would be like, more than just a little possessive and insular, since youre supposed to be part of the Ha Ha We're All Spiderman club and they catch you hanging with normies over them) Is there anyone else? What have you been doing? He's just instantly a mixture of furious and hurt because damn it don't you know you're like his favorite, why the fuck are you running around potentially flirting with canon, don't you know how dangerous this is
But also deadass he wants to tear that man apart with his claws and he's considering checking the canon events of this universe to see if he can make it so
The Gang just watching as you pick yourself up but can't stop crying, and you drag your feet as you head to sit in a park or something, seeming like your entire form and surroundings are nothing but a depressed, deep blue. You're in a park or something so they can't exactly approach you normally because there are people around, but you just sit there crying for ages before you eventually pick yourself up and draaaaaag your feet, seeming to walk around aimlessly until, eventually, you go to a dark alley or under a bridge somewhere and they all pop out at you just as you're about to warp home anyways and you're just immediately bombarded by all these people
"Hey, you know what he said isn't true, right? Dude's a punk bitch!"
"Scuse me? I take that personally. He IS a total fuckin wanker though"
"Hon, you can't let what some ego-tripping blonde who peaked in high school said make you feel like this! He ain't worth it!"
And you're just standing there looking at them as your heart breaks a little more because you HAD been wanting some kind of support in all of this but you're muttering out with disbelief, "you guys followed me...?" And you're really hurt by that, but, here comes Miguel, stalking forward, putting a hand on your shoulder that's one part sympathetic comfort, one part possessive anger as he glowers at you with chestnut eyes that almost look RED, "anything else you wanna share?"
Miguel marching back to the weekly We Love Reader meeting and slapping a graphic up onto the wall with your face like a PSA "THIS Spider FUCKS and only YOU can stop it" fhfjfjg no not really but like non yandere Spiders are doing their own thing when, from a secret meeting room somewhere in Nueva York, the ground practically shakes with dozens upon dozens if not hundreds of voices crying out in agony "NOT FLASH THOMPSON 😩"
Bonus points if like, one of the things The Gang had witnessed was you crying and all that right, but, what if Reader had specifically said to Flash, "but I gave you my VIRGINITY" like. Mayhem. Pandemonium. All the Spiders have a sudden "aha!" because wow no wonder you suddenly started talking about how you're worthless and don't matter, this DICK HEAD lured you into a false sense of security and trust and then took your virginity and bounced while calling you a fucking loser and judging by that shove, has maybe even put his hands on you before? Like fuckinnnngggg The Society and your entire friend group freaking the fuck out one day because you have a black eye one day you were trying to hide with sunglasses and you say it was from a Villain but they're all like Nah Fam That's Sus because how would a villain pop one off on your face when you have super strength and Spidey Sense and they get you/intimidate you to open up and it's like, oh, that was because your "boyfriend" didnt like how you thought you smelled someone else's perfums/cologne on him and he lost his temper when you pressed him for answers, and even when you tell them the truth you're still crying with a small laugh, "it was my fault, I should've backed off and realized I was upsetting him"
Reader just gets surrounded by all their friends and "the cute Spiders" like the cat Spiderman and oh my fucking god there's a plushie Spiderman and just, gosh, they try to basically smother you with love to cheer you up and bring your confidence back but your heart has been wounded and needs time to heal 🥺 regardless, later on Detective Stacey is having to investigate and finds Mr Thompson in an alleyway with a busted knee that permanantly ends any sort of athletic career and the words "CHEATER" cut across his body in multiple places while he's covered in scratches, bruises, bites, and he keeps mumbling the weirdest most incoherent shit under his breath that gets him hospitalized
"The- the pig... it TALKED... it pulled out a HAMMER... from its POCKET... the pig... had ... POCKETS..."
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stingrayloveblog · 2 months
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Whee side order
My thoughts on it! THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!! Youve been warned.
So, here are my honest thoughts. Let me just start by warning further that this is mostly negative.
Took me about two hours and one attempt to beat all 30 floors. Was pretty fun. I used splattershot though because i suck at dualies.
But... it felt very quick. Felt like there was a whole lotta nothing plotwise, too. It was fun, but the plot is pretty weak. Its just another rogue-ai-tries-to-assimilate-everyone plot. Which has already been done. For some reason they keep trying to do octo expansion but again and they keep failing to do that.
Taking everything into consideration, acht really had no reason to be there. You could remove acht entirely and have the same results. And im not just saying that because i dont like dedf1sh. They dont add anything to anything.
I havent unlocked all marinas dev notes but so far theres been her motive of saving the sanitized octarians which......... i have my own personal issues with that. They seem to not be able to decide how they want sanitization to work.
Doing the pallets, i assumed they would give you some memory thing related to the associated character, but you just get a stupid little comment from the post-final boss that doesnt really add anything to the plot or the characters. Also murch is on luna blaster for some reason. I was speculating a lot on who luna blaster and octobrush could be assigned to, but seems like theyre just doing anyone. Murch is very irrelevant to everything as a whole so its kinda just like whatever.
That being said, i feel extremely bad for agent 4 fans. Those humanoid red eyed things with one of them looking like 4 and then them not doing anything with that at all was a huge fake out.
From what i saw, a lot of people were theorizing and expecting things based on all the evidence we got that we never did end up getting because they went an entirely different route. No agent 4 being possessed or whatever (unless thats still true and just unlocked much later, which im hoping because it would make everything a lot more interesting), no implied body swapping, no copybots.
And most of all, nothing from the first trailer we got. With all the concept art. I know it was just CONCEPT art for a reason, but surely you cant just show off all these things and then have the final result be absolutely nothing like it? Then again, splatoon 3 has had more than enough false advertising already, so i guess it was wrong to expect things to be as shown. I just really really liked the giant hostile architecture black spikes picture. And theres none of that at all.
Basically, everything that was expected was significantly cooler than what we got, and to be completely honest, i dont think it was worth splatoon 3 being in really bad shape for such a long time. I dont think it really justified the amount of dumb things that happened over the past few seasons.
I do still think its fun, and i absolutely am going to try to collect everything, but it was significantly less interesting overall than i anticipated.
I do think the final boss attacks syncing with the rhythm was cool. But other than that the level design is extremely repetitive and there really is no variation. Im only enjoying it now because ive used weapons that i like/dont mind using, but once i have to start using weapons im bad at i just know itll be insufferable.
Overall, i am unfortunately disappointed but i still have hope that maybe there is something more, because surely that couldnt have been it.
Also just because it doesnt go along with any of my oc stories at all and i am absolutely not changing anything on my end because frankly im sick of doing that
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yourbpdgf · 2 years
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just something random from my drafts. im working on a really cool request i got so you can have this while i work on that.
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sanzu sfw & nsfw hcs!
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warnings: cnc, bondage, somnophilia, knife play, gun play, drugs, pierced dicks.
let me know if i missed any warnings.
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• sanzu would never cheat on you. if hes dating you hes fucking INFATUATED with you, and seeing how loyal he is to mikey itll be the same with you.
• if sanzu had to pick between you and mikey i genuinely believe hed just get rid of himself. too hard of a decision. hes vowed loyalty to both of you until he dies, so he guesses hell have to die an early death 🤷‍♀️.
• contrary to popular belief sanzus not toxic if hes dating you. ofc he has to work late and he has buisness trips but most rich people do, right? as long as you dont need him to be with you every waking second then you should be fine.
• now to his drugs... if you really REALLY had a problem with him taking drugs to the point you were considering leaving him he would stop. being high isnt worth the loss of you in his opinion.
• but if you wanna do drugs with him? hell yeah! yall are gonna have the time of your livessss. but hed only let you do small time drugs like weed not hard shit like cocaine or anything to do with needles. he cant let any nasty needles pierce his pretty babys skin.
• sanzu keeps you in his penthouse with security surrounding it. the security isnt so you cant get out, no if you wanted to go anywhere you have a chauffeur and 2 body guards ready for you. the securitys there to make sure none of bonten or sanzus enemies get anywhere close to you. because if they did? sanzu would kill the world in its entirety and then himself. life without you has no meaning in his eyes.
• when youre with sanzu you get what you want when you want it. just ask and its yours ml! oh and when youre with him he does his BEST to convince you to stop working. you dont need to work he can take care of you just stay at home and chill, kay? you dont wanna stay in the house? thats fine take his card. again whatever you want you get 🤭.
• cuddle hcs now.
• sanzu is extremely touch starved, ik everybody says it but it makes so much sense ok 😭. takeomi was a dick in his childhood, senjus existence annoyed him and his parents sucked booty juice. therefore he wasnt getting much love, so now that he has unlimited access to that? yk damn well hes gonna take advantage.
• whenever sanzu is home hes usually in bed with you, dont be nasty its not like that ALL the time. his favorite way to cuddle with you is for you to be laying down with him on top of you. his head on your chest, your hand in his hair massaging his scalp and his arms circling your waist. to him its just so relaxing the most ideal position to be in. heaven on earth if you will.
• now onto the dirty shiii.
• sanzus MADDDD kinky. im sorry thats just how it is. his main kinks are bondage, gun play, knife play, choking and cnc.
• bondage: sanzu would use his belt to tie your wrists behind your back, hed also gag you with either your own panties or his tie. anythings fair game to sanzu as long as youre okay with it hed bound you with anything.
• gun play: hed either fuck you with his gun to your head or throat, or fucking you with the gun. obviously hed keep the gun empty with the safety on but he wouldnt tell you that. it gave both of you a rush effing adrenaline junkies .
• knife play: he loves carving his initials into you. sanzu loves gliding his pocket knife into you plushy thighs, he loves seeing your pretty red blood drip in the shape of his initials. he lives for your mixed expressions of bliss and pain when you feel his knife cut into you. he could probably cum untouched from just that.
• choking: seeing his hand around your neck while struggle to breathe is exhilarating to say the least. obviously he would never want to actually kill you, never. its just the fact that your struggling to breathe yet youre still trying to moan like a whore is amusing to him.
• cnc somnophilia: sanzus a busy ass man. sometimes by the time he comes home your asleep already and hes very pent up. now any normal person would see that you were asleep and just masturbate, but no this is sanzu were talking about. sanzu had made sure to have the conversation with you about fucking you while youre asleep and once you agreed? oh he ran with that shi. expect to be fucked while sleeping at least 4 times a week <3.
• now for dick hcs
• its pierced. he was high when he got it pierced so he doesnt remember it nor does he remember how painful it was but he doesnt regret it.
• 4 inches soft. 7 1/2 inches when hard.
• above average girth.
• its bushy but clean. he cleans it up and trims it every once in a while when he remembers. you probably wont be able to get him to shave it.
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ok thats it here these r
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be-good-to-bugs · 1 month
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maybe i WILL get to move back home
#the bin#i talked to my mom and things might go ok but idk#i just have to wait and see but i desperately hope i can move. i need to see a doctor so bad. my whole body feels horrible all the time#and my tooth has gotten so much worse. i can deal with it if thres an end date. i cant deal with it indefinitely. and i cant afford to get#it fixed without insurance. i would rather die than deal with this shit for another however long i have to i CAN NOT do that#esp bc i would need to go to work while experiencing it. idk. im shaky literally ALL the time and my insides alwyas hurt and my joints#hurt so much too. and half the time im at work my chest hurts and i cant see straight. i cant fuckin do this anymorew.#apparently my dad might be getting a new job so their landlord might be more willing to renew but idk. she said she should know on april 1st#which isnt that far away but idk. i mean. its not impossible theyll renew. who knows. i hope so.#i know at keast thst i have a way to get there if there is a place for me to live so thats good. my health cant take this anymore. and im#also not able to emotionally. idk what other option i have but. god. its hard enough as is. im having like a perpetual panic attack since i#found out i probs wont get to move. im tryna be optimistic. i dont think im physically capable of staying here any longer#it was hard enough to stay herenthis extra yearm ive been having breakdowns repeatedly over it. and my physical health keeps worsening#i miss my little sister. i wanna be able to see the people i care about. theres so few people in the world i enjoy being around and i dont#get to see them ever. instead i have to see my second least favorite person in the world in order to even just get groceries#hhhh. i want the time to pass so i can know for sure but i also desperately dont wnat it to cause im so scared itll be bad news#whatever. i will hope and believe that itll work out until i know that it wont. hhhhh. worst case scenario i guess ill just have to save up#and figure out moving there later on but like. i was really happy to NOT have to worry abt rent or working so i could focus on my health and#then i could go back that that stuff. oh well
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