#you gay mfs love green huh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hellonsurvey · 2 years

Text

1 • favorite dried fruit?

Dried Banana chips... yum!

2 • do you wear a ring every day?

I wear a promise ring everyday like a proper bitch boy.

3 • would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day?

Definitely dress.

4 • if you chose dress, will it be long or short?

the longer the better.

5 • if you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie?

6 • have you ever wanted to be a police officer?

Absolutely not. I am entering the EMS workforce though.

7 • favourite insect?

I hate insects but if I absolutely had to choose, a ladybug.

8 • Chinese or Indian takeout?

Chinese all the way. Sorry babes!

9 • do you have a nut allergy?

I do not.

10 • favorite dog breed?

I grew up around pitbulls and I desperatey want one.

11 • if you had to dye your hair lilac purple, baby pink, or mint green, which would you choose?

I’ll be damned if I’m out here looking like billie eilish, lilac purple is basic as hell so baby pink.

12 • do you accessorise with chains?

Yes, it drives the ladies crazy (one lady). Keep her initial around my neck ya feel!!!

13 • how often do you cook dinner?

Maybe like twice a week, I’m a scavenger. Whatever is in the fridge, I eat.

14 • how do you entertain yourself while copying a long text?

Why would I copy a long text?

15 • order these things from most to least important:

16 • better too much or not enough of (thing)?

HUH

17 • what have you given up on recently?

Nothing, I never give up, to keep it G.

18 • favourite condiment for fries?

McDonalds sweet and sour... idk

19 • ever had bangs?

Yup, looked like a proper MILF

20 • do you know any Italian people?

I do not, I know a kid whos nickname is the italian stallion, mf is not italian.

21 • ice cream or ice pops?

Ice Cream.

22 • which farm animal would you like as a pet?

a chicken, id never go to the grocery store for eggs again.

23 • which zoo animal would you like as a pet?

NONE

24 • have you ever dated someone lgbt+?

I am with the gays. I am the gay.

25 • how many hours do you wish there were in a day?

24 hours is just enough thank you.

26 • if you were at Hogwarts, which pet would you want (out of cat, rat, toad, and owl)?

A rat, but one of those huge NYC sewer rats.

27 • what color would you like your future bathroom to be?

I do not care. but Van courtland blue would be nice. totally did not just look that up.

28 • do you add sugar to plain cornflakes?

I used to do that as a kid actually, but cereal gives me the runs now, yikes

29 • are skeletons cool?

They aight. I like it when they dance and stuff.

30 • favorite Selena Gomez song?

girl none. who says is kind of a bop though. she seems like a nice young lady.

31 • do you like coffee flavored cake?

Sure!

32 • do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons?

I do not, unless I am high. I watch anything when i’m high.

33 • do you like going on walks? what's your favorite thing about them? how far do you normally walk?

Love me a good walk. I love seeing my dog wag his tail furiously when I get his leash. I walk around my neighborhood.

34 • last time you had a hot drink?

Coffee, this morning.

35 • last time you went to Pizza Hut?

I literally cannot recall the last time I was inside a Pizza Hut.

36 • do you listen to Cher?

I don’t but I know she saved the gays!

37 • what's your favorite thing that you're wearing?

My fuzzy Christmas socks

38 • would you change your hair color if you could?

Nope!

39 • how could I cheer you up if you were sad?

By punching yourself. I love to see people inflict pain upon themselves. Fills me to the brim with joy.

That is a joke, ummm basketball videos on youtube do it for me honestly.

40 • have you ever lived in a city? was it crowded?

I live in a pretty populated city but the square mileage is pretty huge, so it does not feel crowded. Unless you are on the freeways, god bless, they be having me ready to end it all.

41 • would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods?

THE WOODS PLEASE

42 • have you ever climbed a mountain?

I have hiked up a mountain, or was it a hill? who knows! but the Moro Rock Trail in Seqouia was like a wet dream. Sorry, National Parks make me horny.

43 • have you ever pet a donkey?

My brothers kind of an ass and I’ve touched him so yes! PSA no donk- i mean brothers were harmed by this comment.

44 • do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live?

Naur. Well actually, crickets sometimes but I dont want to think about it.

45 • ever run away from home?

I’ve tried, didn’t make it far. It was far too cold outside. Walked my ass back home.

46 • are you scared to ride public transport alone? why?

No, self defense is a priority for me. I prepare myself with protection anytime I go somewhere alone. Carry a pocketknife (make sure its legal to carry), download NOONLIGHT (a personal safety app), pepper spray and a couple people have my location on at all times. I also don’t brush my teeth for weeks as a defense mechanism, nobody will mess with you if your breath is hot boy.

47 • is marriage on your mind?

yes marriage and murder

48 • do you miss the 2000's?

DEARLY, take me back please.

49 • did you own a dollhouse when you were younger?

No, chucky traumatized me as a kid and I was petrified of dolls.

50 • does the room you're in have a tiled floor?

Nope.

51 • would you rather have claws on your knuckles or sharp teeth?

Is this even a question... claws. I wanna be looking like edward scissorhands up in this bitch. Somebody talking crazy to me? bam finna slice your shit up. I need to open a package? No worries, I got my nifty claws to take care of that.

52 • how many pairs of earrings do you own?

.... i lost all of my earrings in the timespan of two weeks in Mexico........

53 • what's your favorite cooked vegetable?

BROCCOLI ... hey lil mama would you like to be my sunshine?

54 • ever had a crush on a book character?

Yes. Mr. Tumnus from the lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

55 • lastly, is your washing machine in the kitchen or the bathroom?

In my garage.

#forhan #survey

1 note · View note

sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 3 years

Text

I quit online dating...ok dating in general

Definitely taking a long hard look in the mirror, my new job starts soon so I can start seeing a therapist and finally figure out wtf is going on with me mentally but also

I NEED BETTER HELP WITH FIXING MY ATTRACTION OFF OF TOXIC MFS WHO CAN LIE WAY TOO GOOD AND ME ACTUALLY BELIEVING IT BECAUSE THEY LOOK GOOD AND I LIKE THEM LIKE AFTER BEING VULNERABLE

WTFFFF

I met Jay at work, so now I'm worried about blocking myself off too much if I happen to meet someone new and they sound like a nice person, good fit, but then the relationship and family trauma history comes up....wtf do i do? Run?

Like everything that I went through wasn't all my fault, but still I think it would be unfair for me to neglect someone as a potential date if they have everything that I'm looking for, looks good, but they have this, this, and that mental health disorders from trauma or they're just surviving....

But Idk, I think it would be best to get some guidance off the horny, desperate, need somebody to talk to because I can't come out to my parents about what happened to me with Jay and Ayunna because they're not cool about their kids being gay...

Its like "hey, dad I was sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused by someone..."

"Wow...why would you stay in something like that? By the way was it a girl or a boy?"

I think my dad knows. But I did not like the way he responded and said that it was my fault for having sex with them...Like wow, how was I supposed to know they would have took advantage of me and did stuff to me that I wouldn't even like...without consent?

Wtf Dad.

And this is why I never talked to my mom about it either...they think alike to victim blame and doing the oh, well you should have known better way of talking down to their kids about being fucked up by their best friend...

Yea great role models.

I told him and he didn't even hug me. Cause he thought I was going to far when I said I wanted to fight her and get revenge.

He just said you should find a way to release that aggression and looked at me crazy as if nothing bad had happened to me and everything I was feeling still after, was all in my head, blown out of proportion.

Why didn't I tell him I was disappointed in the way he handled that?

It just made me close up on him and mom even more after he said that. Its like why should I have to debate out why it was so wrong of my friend to hurt me to somebody who would rather talk about something else, being all nonchalant and passive as usual.

I don't wanna talk about it until after I move out, cause I feel like he would explode on me if I was to say Dad, I don't like what you said and it hurt me to know that my own father didn't have my back when I was looking for support.

Cause I've been in pain all year, thinking, and being reminded of Jay and Ayunna's actions towards me. I hate them officially to this day. And I'll never love or trust the same since them.

They'll never know what its like to be me, not Jay, not Ayunna, not my mom or dad...so why even bother discussing, then later on debating about why I even stayed in an abusive relationship like that where I people pleased and didn't say stop. I just took the pain, like the good girl-sex-slave/doormat Jay wanted me to be.

He'll never understand it, and thats why I don't like the idea of telling my parents everything that happened, because I don't wanna lose my parents.

Cause I feel like even if I was to open up to my crazy bipolar mom and my passive ass dad, none of them would overreact about wanting to kick Jay and Ayunna's ass like I do right to this very day.

They would have got hard on me, tell me their disappointed in me, and told me everything that I did wrong in the matter instead of actually asking me "are you okay" which Dad never did after I told him the snippet.

Never would have asked me "how are you feeling" "do you need a hug" cause yea, its all my fault huh? For staying with a dumbass abusive friend who was already engaged to someone who treats them like a child too?

Yea they would have judged the fuck outta me...so I don't say anything. And every time I feel a ptsd episode spiraling or mom triggers me, I stay locked up in my room and scream and cry silently until I hear my voice crack. Shrilling the sound like, broken metal guitar strings cause I've been suffering in silence all year long. Hiding my depression from my sisters and my parents, because mom and dad want us to be happy about being alive and living in this house that I stopped giving a fuck about, because well grandma's dead and you can't make people happy about it when it was literally in July and her dead body was carried down our living room steps.

This bitch is crazy, you act like everything is supposed to just go back to normal? After everything that I've seen and been through this year? You think I'm supposed to be happy after finding out your a crazy, selfish, asshole who wanted me to fall down the steps just for pissing you off, my grandma was miserable and depressed all the way up in that house and delusional about healthcare that she didn't visit a doctor for years until it was too late, my dad hides everything he feels from us and mom unless it comes out in an aggravated assault on my little sister when she pissed him off, and now mom is basically forcing us to get back on cleanup schedule and act like everything is normal.

WHEN ITS FUCKING NOT

I bet deep down this is why Grandma moved to live in a cabin in the woods, for idk how long. She even painted the house she bought later on, the exact same colors. Burgundy and Sea Mint Green. Cause she loved how peaceful it was and there was nobody there but just her. Her family, her abusive ex, her abusive baby daddy, her children, and her friends all drove her nuts trying to be there and take care of them....when nobody was there to take care of her.

Except when I was there, it felt like we had the whole house, the whole world to ourselves, and we could be just as still and silent as the wind passing us as we sat on the couch, watched movies, ate popcorn, and enjoyed a hard lemonade with her. She missed being by herself after I moved in and so did I.

No wonder we kept butting heads. We don't like being disappointed by our family and friends, and we sure as hell don't like people making us work for them, and not caring about our emotional, mental, and physical stability.

I would prefer to go to the library for hours and just watch movies on the internet, than to live with my family while I'm still digesting the pain and drama I went through.

And realizing just how toxic, abusive, and crazy your family really is...really made me hate reality. Once the research on why I felt like I was suffering so bad with jay and ayunna started to add up, it all made sense why I didn't see some of the things that actually hurt me, as not as bad. Because I'd been through it already with my mom and my dad. Where I'm forced to take every negative comment or action they said and did, and just deal with it without retaliating against them or I was punished or told I was too sensitive to be told the truth. Gaslighting me.

Like I'm not allowed to feel pain if my mom tells me that my stomach is poking out too much in that dress and that I need to go change or wear some spanx. Then if I didn't want to change there was pinches on my skin from when she would force my shirts into my pants and make me feel stupid for not knowing how to tuck in my pants.

I'm supposed to always appreciate everything my parents did for me, even when the person standing in front of my face wants to be right all the time and I'm supposed to not get upset, not get angry, not cry, not whine or complain when my parent, my guardian does something unfair to me, says something rude, disrespectful, and controlling to me that they know that if I did the same thing to them, then they would slap me across the face, flick me in the head, knock me back to being a kid, just because they said so and just because I still live here.

I hate this place. And I thought Athena would be my escape. I thought I found someone to build real love with after going through so much trauma and realizing the crazy I've been living in for all these years.. The facade is over.

And I don't know what to do except cry and scream for myself in my room, and now I can't even talk to them about me losing my faith and trust in God because everything bad that happened and keeps happening. And why in the hell did he decide giving my grandma cancer was the best way for her to go? She was in so much pain all these years and it was from cancer. Her head and her body was twitching from lack of oxygen. And she was unresponsive as I sat upstairs with her all night on the very same couch I'm sitting on right now.

Its September now. She passed on July 30th and dad called me from upstairs after I had stayed up there till like 11:30 cause we were writing down how much morphine to give her each hour. And the nurse had just told us that she might not have that long left to live. Like maybe saturday or monday, cause it was already friday the 30th.

But after the nurse left, Dad told me to go through her pictures and find his favorite photo of her. I didn't even cry like he did, I had already cried at 10am when I saw no matter what I did, she was still shaking and not responding to me talking to her like before. Still grunting. It was like me being on nurse mode, made my heart, my emotions feel numb. But after I left the room and called Hospice, I finally let it out.

Grandma passed at around 1:30 or 2pm. And two of my aunts and my cousins were over. My cousins playing a game of Uno in the dining room as if nothing traumatic was going on upstairs. None of them reacted at all until they all joined us in the living room as she being carried down the stairs by the funeral service guys. It was amazing to see how insensitive at 1st the kids were, then to see my mom cry about not being strong enough for my dad, when I was sorta pissed off and confused and still in shock about grandma. LIKE WTFFF MOMMM FUCKING CRYYY THAT'S THE REASON WHY YALL HAVE PROBLEMS IN YALL RELATIONSHIP AND OUR RELATIONSHIP NOW

STOP HIDING YOUR FUCKING SADNESS, ANGER, AND GRIEF FROM YOUR FAMILY BY BEING A CRAZY ASS PSYCHOPATH WHO EXPECTS PEOPLE TO ACT NORMAL AND BE HAPPY WHEN SOMETHING SHITTY LIKE THIS HAPPENS

GODDAMN IT MOM FUCKING CRY. YOU'RE HUMAN. IM HUMAN. WE'RE ALLOWED TO FUCKING CRY. WE'RE ALLOWED TO GRIEVE. WE'RE ALLOWED TO FEEL OUR PAIN AND SUFFERING.

AND IM ALLOWED TO BE DEPRESSED AND UNSATISFIED WITH MY LIFE AND MY RELIGION THAT DOESN'T LET ME DO WHAT I WANT AND BE HAPPY WITH WHOEVER I WANT TO BE WITH.

AND MOM IM GAY. I FELL IN LOVE WITH WITH A GIRL WHO LATER ON DECIDED TO BE A THEY, AND NOW A HE AND I'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN AS A THEY, CAUSE NOW HE'S GROWING A BEARD, A DICK, A NEW VOICE AGAIN, AND SHE'S GETTING MARRIED TO ANOTHER CONTROLLING PSYCHOPATH THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU AND I HAD SEX WITH HER TOO, BUT I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE CAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF ME AND HER WANNA KILL EACH OTHER OR IF SHE'S ACTUALLY A COUSIN OR NOT WHO REMINDS ME OF MY TRAUMA WHEN I WAS A KID. AND WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T ANYBODY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT INCEST POSSIBLY BEING A GENE OF TRAUMA IN THIS FAMILY.

I LITERALLY WATCHED MY COUSINS WHO WERE FAMILY, HAVE SEX AND THEY WERE KIDS JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE WATCHING PORN AND NOBODY BROUGHT IT BACK UP TO EVEN EXPLAIN WHY OR WHAT HAPPENED. AND ALL I SEE IS FLASHBACKS OF SHIT WHENEVER SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME IN MY LIFE. CAUSE I KNOW INCEST IS BAD.

AND THATS WHY I STILL AM GROSSED OUT BY THE IDEA OF AYUNNA AS A WHOLE BECAUSE SHE SMELLS WEIRD AND HAS GROSS MORNING BREATH, SHE SNORTS FOR 45 MIN TO AN HR EVERY MORNING SHE WAKES UP LIKE ITS NORMAL TO NOT BE ABLE TO BREATHE NORMALLY LIKE THAT IN YOUR SLEEP AND SHE'S ABNOXIOUS AND GROSS AND IMMATURE BUT JAY PRETENDS LIKE SHE'S MATURE AND IM NOT EVEN THOUGH IM SMARTER, IM BETTER, MORE EMOTIONALLY CAPABLE TO HANDLE THEM BEING DEPRESSED TO NOT JUDGE THEM FOR IT, CAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WANNA DIE TO ESCPAE MY PAIN AND MY REALITY CAUSE ITS NICE AND EASIER TO HAVE AFRIEND WHO WANTS TO GO BACK TO BEING TAKEN CARE OF LIKE A BABY AND HAVE FUN JUST LIKE YOU TOO.

I feel like i lost a lot this year...including my sanity...thanks a lot Athena for triggering me. Now going back to talking to grandma as if she was here like I did when i was on the flight for the very 1st time after 911 and I had a silent panic attack because I was holding it in for the kid and the obnoxious older black lady next to me on my flight.

I cried my tears out and everything felt tight up on my back, making me scared and numb and tingly like I was on a rollercoaster. and mom thought I was just overreacting.

I need someone who understands me and knows exactly how it feels to be me, and I thought that person was this crazy bitch on the internet, who's gay and trans and lost a bunch of her family due to trauma. Because she's autistic, and not the one where they cant talk and do things for themselves. She talks to me just like I would to myself when I wasn't feeling good.

And idk, if I might have some sort of autism or spectrum thing too. Or did my family brainwash me into thinking nothing was wrong with me, the way they treated me, and how I was behaving...just because they didn't wanna believe it either.

I wanna know what's wrong with me, my life, my family and how do I fix it so it doesn't keep happening. I wanna know how can I avoid becoming like my parents and ending up in a controlling, aggressive, petty relationship like my dad who became passive just so he could deal with it and hide his pain from her.

I dont know what a healthy relationship looks like with no confrontations that leads to fights, arguing that leads to yelling at each other's faces and getting distracted with emotions to where we throw things at each other or just walk out without saying anything...

Because I dont know how to be angry. Cause I was never allowed to. and the people who birth me, don't know how to control theirs either without hurting the person they care about, someway or some sort.

I still to this day don't know how to communicate when I get angry. Because I feel like I was adopted from all the daycare people who used to take me in at night time when mom would drop me off and I never knew when she was coming back cause she didn't tell me.

0 notes