thisisonlybetweenyouandme

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

an episode of Simpsons I wrote

I bought myself a headlamp.  I’ve been needing it for small errands for a while and always got by by asking my roommate for one, delaying the said errand by days or weeks between our interactions with the said roommate.  I broke the lamp in my room, long back ago now. I could’ve changed it, but I kept on not doing it. Needed to unscrew the bowl, retrieve the bulb, figure out what’s it all about, go to the store, make sure I can get the same bulb despite troubling language barrier. One day I just bought the headlamp, accidentally almost. Now I wear it at home, even in the rooms with working lights.  As I adopt this habit, I grow more and more comfortable just getting by with the headlamp instead of the normal room lamp. It gives me a certain sensation of relativity.  I cherish this simple object. It holds so much power before me - a man-made, man-controlled, pocket-sized, battery-powered source of light. If not absolute, but total survival necessity. Does owning this lamp make me a God? Does the power it grants make me a God? Am I... a god?  Just a headlamp owner. 

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

My friends are dead.  The time I spend waiting for news like that can be divided by hundreds. It’s mere days until it happens, really. I don’t know for sure though. Can be months, can be minutes. I’m deprived of the romanticised experience of having to spend months, years even, waiting for the paper triangle to arrive at my porch.  It’s just Intermediate State through and through. It’s the same as getting takeaway. - Hey! Your pizza is here! A medium “Your uncle is dead” with extra disbelief. Your total will be 12.99. Cash, no change? Enjoy your food! My condolences!” My friends are going to die.  The house where they stay is equally close and proportionally far from becoming their coffin any given minute. Right now! Two seconds ago? Maybe that was 5 days ago... Or is that for tomorrow?  I have no way of knowing until the delivery time runs out. “The courier is here!” beeps the notification on my screen. “Your neighbour was crushed under the rubble! Emotional damage! #TikTokSounds #Memes” Snapchat everyone a picture of yourself crying. “My best friend...noooo T_T”. Order a feel-better pizza. Again.

#pizza #russia ukraine war #was i high when i wrote this?

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

more often than not, i find myself thinking about how awesome of invention soup is and this thought kinda keeps me going in life

#soup #thoughts

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

I stopped on a little pathway, in the middle of snow-covered forest. Tilted my head up lightly to ser the tree peaks, slow-dancing in the sky. "Am I really that broken as I think I am?" i ask seemingly no one above me. And the world answers with the whisper of leaves, caressed by the soft wind.

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

N im just sitting here.........

Overwhelmed with emotion

#vine reference

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

having to sneeze is so derogatory, i fucking hate sneezing, this shit is whack

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

I have unlocked a new level of my identity

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

Showering with my house slippers and my mask on,, just cause i want to feel smth

#in the feels #wear a mask

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

re-reading my posts feels like whoever wrote them was having a midlife crisis

#I am depressed at 21

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

I feel like I am singlehandedly fulfilling my purpose of being by slowly detaching myself from my closest ones.

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

Even more so, writing this was like finally pulling my head up over the porch whilst my body weighs me down into the abyss below; just enough to see a ball gala happening inside on a checkered marble floor with the golden walls reflecting in its surface.

I started writing on tumblr because my brain was shortcutting and I would put these little literary spasms on here forgetting to ever revisit them again.

I think I've matured suddenly, when today I returned to my posts and revised them, fixed writing.

I think I just therapy-ed myself? Is that what self-care is?

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

I started writing on tumblr because my brain was shortcutting and I would put these little literary spasms on here forgetting to ever revisit them again.

I think I've matured suddenly, when today I returned to my posts and revised them, fixed writing.

I think I just therapy-ed myself? Is that what self-care is?

#1984

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

Thinking right now about how decent, I've been seeing a weirdly huge amount of videos of people boiling garlic in oil

#instagram #garlic #don't want that california love #white people

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

I was writing a nice lengthy post here because I like sharing random little stories but no longer feel like doing so with my real life companions

But because I'm {~different~}, I don't use the app and while writing it, the browser page on my phone refreshed, the post didn't save and I don't feel like re-creating it anymore

#sagittarius #struggle #life sucks

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

Also, sorry to write another substance abuse-related post

But this other day I got very drunk and needing to distract myself from my thought process, I re-watched The Wolf From Wolf Street, went on letterboxd, logged it as a rewatch and wrote my first ever review - something I promised myself to never do online; and it read: "All I have is regrets".

Someone liked it next day and I laughed so hard

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

I have been vegetarian for the past 5 or 6 years but today I got a little high and started reading articles about types of jamon and serrano ham and how they breed specific type of pigs to get the best meat and when I was done reading, I sat back and thought to myself: "Now I'm a ham expert"

#jamonserrano #myth of sisyphus

[thisisonlybetweenyouandme]

TIL that stilt walkers is not a name of an american celebrity 

#til