thoughtnitot

[thoughtnitot]

October is his birthday..and he did not choose me he cannot wait he did not wait.

October is when I was hurt but I have to move forward and I have to no time to mourn, my hands are full of responsibility.

Good bye love thanks for the memories and for making me feel especial for a short time.

#you broke me #i love you #goodbye

[thoughtnitot]

i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.

[thoughtnitot]

😥

[thoughtnitot]

pwede bang yung taong gusto ko ang magkagusto den sakin..

[thoughtnitot]

I feel guilty whenever I put myself first..whenever I feel happy, whenever I feel good.

#roommate #coping skills #seaside #toxicity

[thoughtnitot]

sorry, i can’t, i’m busy watching everything get worse

[thoughtnitot]

So my "friends" is currently mad at me and they stop talking to me because they thought that i don't want to hang out to them..but in reality i really want to meet them but im currently "unstable" emotionally mentally or maybe im shit

#shitty person #personal shit #shitty post

[thoughtnitot]

Can i just be dead..

I feel like I'm faking it all the time. I'm pretending to be social, and to be an adult, but I am not. I'm so tired. I want to escape it all, be myself, cry it out, be careless.

[thoughtnitot]

My existence hurts them so bad that it makes me want to disappear completely and start new life away from them. They are my happiness and the reason of my sadness, I don't know but the more i try to understand them and speak their language the more i become unknown to myself . I try to understand them but i feel like no ones bother to understand me, every word that i say they misinterpreted it and make me feel like i am a horrible person, cold and selfish person. Im really tired of this life.

#toxicity #coping skills #black and white #anxiety #life

[thoughtnitot]

When im drunk i fall asleep fast, i can't hear all this loud voices in my head. I forgot all the worries that i have atleast for just one night, let me sleep peacefully.

[thoughtnitot]

Im tired of all of this, im tired to act in an interview game. But i must keep going until i can't no more, give my best in whatever i do i give my all hoping that maybe just maybe..

#drawing #photography #coping skills #toxicity #roommate

[thoughtnitot]

Nothings really happen it didn't work on me, im starting to lose my mind. Is my planning and preparing wrong? Am i wrong? I've been holding on for a long time..

#defeated #coping skills #letting go #on the verge of insanity

[thoughtnitot]

I tell myself, Maybe this time, things will pan out just the way I hope.For that is only way I would keep my sanity, the one way I could cope.

#photography #portrait photography #cameras #coping skills #toxicity

[thoughtnitot]

You can't hurt a person who is emotionally numb.

#shitty post #personal shit

[thoughtnitot]

Im just sad thats what i feel everyday, i feel deep in me the pain that ive known and im aware of it. There are times that i am happy, laugh my hearts out but theres a parts of me that screaming, crying and lonely. I can hear them i feel it deep down and realize that im just physically laughing, at the end of the day im not truely happy. When im drunk i forgot them, i laugh on something that i don't know and sleep deeply shutting down all my senses. I rather feel sad than feel nothing, sad song calms me it make me feel better.

There are days that i drown myself in sadness, i wanted to cry this out but it seems like my tears are already dried up. I really don't know what happiness is, what does it truely mean. When i feel something im trying to think about it and start guessing it like maybe because its funny or maybe im lacking or i drink to much caffeine; when i can't figure it out im starting to overthink about it till i get a headache (haha pathetic). Or just dismiss it and just feel whatever feelings that my surrounding feels absorb whatever it is, i don't know im just overacting here creating drama. Piece of shit creating here own drama haha

#shitty post #shitty person

[thoughtnitot]

No matter how much i prepared and do my best at the end i always forget it, my heart race like crazy and i couldn't talk. Im starting to stutter, my voice starting to crack like im about to cry. I don't know whats wrong with me anymore, it really pissed me off it cause me a lot. Opportunities that i missed, i don't know anymore...im so fucked up.

#shitty person #shitty post

[thoughtnitot]

Anyways..how come that im alive and yet doesn't feel alive at all?

#shitty person #im not good at writing #im not dead #notdepressijusthatemyself