toastygnome - Tumblr blog

toastygnome · 19 days

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Wiggle

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toastygnome · 19 days

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toastygnome · 19 days

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I think sometimes when we say mental health/ mental illness needs to be accepted and understood, people think it means that it should be taken lightly. They think we're saying that it isn't as bad as it sounds. But mental illness isn't pretty. Mental health conditions very often aren't very "relatable". So when we start showing and explaining what we go through, the things we have to deal with, what goes on in our minds, they think we're crazy. That we're a danger to society. But this is something we have to deal with every day. For example the term intrusive thoughts has been so misconstrued that when people who have OCD tell them about actual intrusive thoughts they think that they're literal criminals who willingly think that way. The term mental illness and mental health has been so bent out of it's original shape to fit the norm's perception and capability of understanding that it's entirely lost it's meaning.

#depression #ramblings #mental illness #mental health conditions #actually ocd #actually bpd

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toastygnome · 22 days

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Your fluttering feathers float in the night

Though my bars of iron cage

Your wings fight for flight and flail, you struggle, it's always been this way.

With stale water, with rotten food why won't you stay?

You thrash around you beat the hinges but everything stays the same.

The futility of trying gets to me, my doors I loose it's grip.

You took your opportunity you flew away and crashed through the rusty gate.

Your feathers float in the night, your song slowly fades.

I am a cage I held you down and no longer will you stay.

Left alone I dream a dream one of the wide sky.

In there I'll have iron wings made of barred wires

I'll hold you tight I'll keep you close untrapped and fully free.

We'll fly side by side through clouds up high

There in this dream, this dream of mine I'll be part of your flock though I'm made of iron

#poetry #trauma #pain #ramblings #depression

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toastygnome · 22 days

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Maybe the only way for me to move past it is to live with it.

Instead of staying in bed and trying so hard to run away from it .

I should go out with that feeling still there, I should read with that feeling still there, I should shower with that feeling still there. I need to take care of myself with that feeling still there.

Instead of pushing down that pit of despair maybe I should just see it as an entity following me around.

Maybe if I do stuff with it I'll realise that maybe life isn't so bad.

Do it while I'm grieving. Do it while I'm in despair. I need to learn to live alongside it or I'll never survive life

#depression

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toastygnome · 25 days

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toastygnome · 2 months

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toastygnome · 2 months

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Luna Moths // Ammas Oddments

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toastygnome · 2 months

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With Ramadan less than a month away...I can only pray that Allah makes it easy for the Muslims in Palestine, Sudan, Syria, Yemen, Congo, Kashmir, and every country where people are oppressed.

In Sha Allah this Ramadan, things will change for the better. In Sha Allah this Ramadan, the Israeli Apartheid Regime will fall and Palestinians will have their land back.

Please keep those who are oppressed in your duas and please don't stop talking about oppression

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toastygnome · 2 months

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I kinda lived half of 2023 (maybe more) like a drowning rat in a bucket but this year I'll live like a normal rat. outside of a bucket

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toastygnome · 2 months

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#NOW THIS IS POETRY

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toastygnome · 3 months

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pop up ads on pirating websites are so fucking funny. "do you want sex?" if I wanted to have sex do you really think I'd be watching doctor who. answer quickly

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toastygnome · 3 months

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shoutout to offputting autistic people

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toastygnome · 3 months

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Just finished watching the final hunger games movie, mockingjay part 2 and OMFG?????????? This whole series EATS. Katniss? Queen. The ending? Cunt. The final act? Amazing. The way she killed president coin after she suggested a symbolic hunger games? FUCKING LOVE IT. She did what she came to do in the end. To assasinate a president. And avenge everyone who died. LOVE that commander Paylor became the next president. I am SO LATE to this but the hunger games is so GOOD.

#the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #mockingjay #ramblings #IM SO FUCKING LATE BUT THIS WHOLE SERIES IS A MASTERPIECE #the suspense #the action #i was never bored the whole 5 movies

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toastygnome · 3 months

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Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib submits to the Congressional Record the entire South African genocide case against Israel and makes an impassioned call to Congress to stop funding the ongoing atrocities in Gaza.

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toastygnome · 3 months

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To add, I have full body eczema. I've never considered it a disability in the past but recently I've started realising how much it affects my life. Had it ever since I was a baby. My mom would tell me I would always stay up all night crying and she wouldn't know what to do. Growing up I had to go for frequent skim appointments. It was repetitive, they'd give the same steroids and moisturizer. I never felt the doctors actually understood what I felt.

On random times of the day I'd scratch my skin and lesions would open and they'd be oozing and bleeding. It doesn't have a pleasant smell, it was sticky and worst of all it hurts. The skin around it would dry up and moving around and existing in general was uncomfortable.

I didn't have to participate in outdoor activities and PE classes. Other kids would think that it was great that I didn't have to go. But I think I was robbed of getting a chance to experience my childhood properly. I never felt like I was like the other kids.

People see the surface of it. They only see redness and dryness. Even then Id go out of my way to cover it with my clothes. But what people don't see are the gruelling mornings, readying myself to experience the pain of taking a shower. They don't see the utter humidity and sweltering heat of applying a thick layer of paraffin moisturiser on the open skin. They don't feel the inflammation of the wounds. How hot and burning it feels. They don't know how tedious it is to apply 3 different kinds of topical steroids in the morning and lathering my whole body with moisturiser. People don't feel the embarrassment of having to hide my face when my skin starts to peel and crack and my upper lip forms a skin moustache. They don't feel the embarrassment of people seeing skin flakes falling off in public. People don't see me having to place tissues on the back of my thighs to soak up the oozing patch of wounds.

People think it's normal to have eczema. Maybe on small unnoticeable parts of the body. But it moves around my body and it goes to places I can't hide. So when people tell me they understand how it feels I get mad. I get annoyed because they don't.

I think something that people with fully Invisible disabilities don't quite understand is that not ALL of disability is visible. What you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg.

You see my ventilator, what you don't see is hallucinating and living in the Fear Dimension because of carbon dioxide buildup. You don't see how painful not breathing enough is. You don't see that the muscle weakness in my trunk isn't JUST breathing, it's also my digestive system and reproductive system and swallowing ability.

You see my powerchair and get jealous of how I don't have to Struggle Like You Do, what you don't see is the fact that I haven't sat anywhere that isn't my wheelchair since I had to start using it. No lounging on the couch, no sitting on the grass. You don't see that I'm limited to places my wheelchair can fit into, which means no friend's houses and no small local shops. Even getting a haircut becomes Complicated when you can't sit in the barber chair. My reach is also limited so I can't get my own groceries off the shelf or pick up things that are dropped.

You don't see that I'm in 8/10 pain on a regular day and the only thing doctors have been able to do for it is teach me to be less distressed by it.

You don't see that day by day, year by year I can do less and less on my own. This year I lost toileting independently and breathing independently. Next year I might lose the ability to eat food without a machine, or maybe I'll lose the ability to sleep next to my spouse.

This is what you're jealous of. Because what you see is us getting help that you believe is adequate. It doesn't even scratch the surface of adequate. Any quality of life I have has been hard won after years of fighting and it's still not even close to enough.

#eczema #disability

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toastygnome · 3 months

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To The Substitute Art Teacher - Jordan Bolton

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