traumatictouch

[traumatictouch]

why tomura reads like a sexual abuse survivor

ive noticed that a lot of survivors - including me - easily read tomura as a csa survivor. ive decided to try to put these impressions into words, mostly for myself, but also for anyone curious as to why he’s so frequently read this way, or why i personally write him as such. i will mostly be elaborating on the reoccurring sexual assault imagery and csa survivor traits tomura exhibits.

triggering themes ahead, including discussed child sexual abuse, incest (sibling and pseudo), trauma and its effects, and sexual assault imagery (from the bnha manga itself). also spoilers for the most recent manga arc.

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#csa tw #self reblog

[traumatictouch]

i think in general sometimes when people interpret characters they give them too much credit in a sense that they forget that people are often very much contradictory in their beliefs and sometimes they believe one thing but do another like. sometimes people say they want to leave when they want to stay. sometimes they stay when they want to leave. sometimes they say they understand something when they don’t and sometimes they say they don’t need things that they’re desperately yearning for. and if you want to create an appropriately multi dimensional reading of a character you need to accommodate this.

[traumatictouch]

cleanse all your stress

(On AO3)

Summary: When Shigaraki is weirdly resistant to caring for his hygiene, Twice decides to lend him a hand. The pieces start to click together in the process.

Tags: (Platonic) Bathing and Hair Washing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, All For One’s Bad Parenting, Past Sexual Abuse, Flashbacks, PTSD, Shigaraki is Touch-Starved, Twice is a Good Friend

Notes: cw: past csa, past child neglect, flashbacks, non-explicit but overt references to past csa

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[traumatictouch]

it's familiar, but not too familiar

(On AO3)

Summary: Months after Tomura is captured and placed under the care of Eraserhead, he’s still having trouble adjusting to his new environment.

It helps that some things are still the same, though.

(In which Aizawa has a surprise, and Tomura accidentally reveals an awful fact about his past relationship with All For One.)

Notes: This is a recovery oriented fic, but Tomura is messy and still in the middle of it and still holds some harmful ideas that do not necessarily reflect the author’s opinion.

cw: not explicit but contains mature themes, panic attacks, past csa, brief mentions of suicide (nothing that actually happens or is even actually considered), brief mention of mental hospitals, past abuse, vomiting.

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[traumatictouch]

tomura smiles and laughs when hes in pain

#headcanon; #? or just canon but yknow #tomura shigaraki

[traumatictouch]

hi! I love your Shiggy meta! I was wondering, what do you think it's his relationship with the dead hands on his body? I think that they sicken and relieve him all at once. But I'm not sure if that's correct. Doesn't he seem quite dependent on them?

idk what's your take?!

its complicated for sure! i think theyre a reminder of his guilt/anger over what happened, something he can look at to remind himself how fundamentally ‘evil’ he is, how callous the world is - and yet comforting in a way. i view tomura as someone who has a lot of anxiety as a result of his various traumas, so a safety blanket of sorts is needed to help keep him calm, and the hands provide that for him.

(which is also why i think its so sweet that hes willing to take them off around the league! he must feel decently secure around them.)

#pm; ooc ask #ooc #also - pressure stim

[traumatictouch]

Do the league know what afo did to you ?

"'Did' to me...?"

"There's not much to say now that he's in prison, and the others haven't asked about our relationship."

#pm; ic ask #ic

[traumatictouch]

Where are youuuuuuuuu :(

#((i mean i still check this blog every day! #i love tomura with all my heart but bnha and its fandom have made itself so immensely UNenjoyable #that theres very little to drag me back into having tomura feelings or muse #bnha just makes me angry these days dfgjdfgdfg)) #pm; ooc ask

[traumatictouch]

I’ve officially decided my favorite relationship trope is “at first I was perpetually bothered by your mere existence but somewhere along the way you became my best friend and oh yeah I’m also in love with you.” Nothing else matters.

#how tomura feels about the lov

[traumatictouch]

Im rereading Tenko Shimura origin and I love how horikoshi clearly painted Tomura to be an unreliable narrator.

At first he’s describing what he mostly likely WAS thinking in that moment. He was an innocent child watching his family crumble in front of him not knowing who to blame.

But he suddenly switches mindsets in the middle of his narration. He uses words like “maybe” or “I must have” as if he doesn’t know what he was actually thinking. This really shows how much AFO manipulated Tomuras mindset on all this, he’s literally saying stuff like “I know I wanted to kill them” as he’s shown crying and begging his parents to help him.

The only moment his narrations SOMEWHAT align with the scene playing out in front of us is when he’s killing his father, but looking at what actually triggered this I still dont think he truly wanted to kill him.

Before he kills his father, he reaches out to him for help. The way he’s reaching his arm out doesn’t seem aggressive in any way, however Kotaros fight reaction kicks in and he instead hits Tenko. Tenko sees this as his father (yet again) rejecting him. Even when Tenko begging for his father to save him, he will always be rejected, and this triggered Tenko to fight back.

In conclusion, Tomura did not purposely kill his family out of pure hatred. AFO took advantage of the multiple times Tenko was rejected (his neglectful family + nobody helping him after the incident) and warped his view on all of it. Tenko now believes he killed his family BECAUSE they rejected him rather than it being a complete accident. He in turn applies this logic to the rest of society, and now believes he needs to destroy them just like he did his family. This is all AFO’s doing, he made sure Tenko never let go of those feeling of hatred and guilt and turned him into an unstable pathetic man. I could go on and on abt the manipulation but that’s for another post.

Tomura needs someone who is kind and empathetic with zero malicious intent (cough cough midoriya) to save him and I am dying on this hill.

#slams reblog #I've never seen anyone else put this into words! #meta

[traumatictouch]

Hey shig, what You gonna do when You reach your goals?

"Nothing."

"I'll have done my part, and the others will be free to do as they please. There's no reason for me to keep going after that."

#suicide tw #death wish tw #suicidal ideation tw #self reblog

[traumatictouch]

Do you think AFO celebrated Tomura's birthday?

i think he probably did for the first couple years after he picked tenko up, just to keep up the appearance of “Yes I Totally Care About You, Special Boy” and then it kinda tapered off after that, to the point where these days tomura forgets about it and would be confused if someone thought it was important.

...the exception, however, was his 20th birthday - the legal age of adulthood in japan. afo definitely used his 20th birthday to hype him up about the “symbol of terror” thing enough for him to make the attack on USJ.

its very likely tomura’s 20th birthday happened the same week as USJ. iirc, that happened at the end of the first week of the semester, and the high school year starts at the beginning of april. also, tomura was shown to be able to go out in public without hiding his face beneath a hoodie, and during the discussion of him afterwards it seems like there had been no previous trace of villain activity from tomura (that the police knew of)

so, afo sent tomura out on his first very public villain mission literally the second he was old enough to be held accountable for it.

happy 20th, tomura

#self reblog

[traumatictouch]

✍ + 12

✍ + number headcanon meme

(12 = how educated they are)

the most 'traditional' subjects tomura was taught were reading, writing and math. those were probably the only ones he was taught consistently and firmly.

besides that, i think tomura's education was mostly self-directed, though definitely influenced by what afo nudged him towards. afos been alive a long time and knows a lot of things, so he most likely has his own opinions on what types of subjects are most valuable to know.

if you look at his room, tomura's shelves are lined with lots and lots of books, some of them look pretty fuckin big, and plenty of those were no doubt specifically placed there by afo in hopes tomura would delve into them himself - and im sure he did, judging by how much in disarray they are.

among those subjects, i would guess tomura probably knows a lot about quirks and some (very cherry-picked) heroics history, and a lot about the underworld.

he seems like the kind of person who probably has Approximate Knowledge Of Many Things, just by looking into anything and everything that piques his interest at all. tomura is... genuinely studious, judging by how his room was lined wall-to-wall with papers that look an awful lot like research, the books and that he watched the entire sports festival (despite apparently thinking the kids wouldn't even be a threat anyway)

...basically tomura and afo are massive nerds in every way lmao

#self reblog

[traumatictouch]

What was your relation with Kurogiri growing up? And now?

"I hated him at first. I asked my master to send him away multiple times. He was always annoying me with all his questions, but eventually I was able to see the benefit of keeping him around. Having someone to deal with the little things made it easier for me to focus on the big stuff. As for now..."

"...Well, it hardly matters now."

#pm; ic ask #ic

[traumatictouch]

open your eyes and see the truth. your master doesn't care about you.

"What would you know about my master?"

"You're wrong. Everything he did was for me. He wouldn't have sacrificed so much for me if he didn't."

[and yet, discomfort and doubt twist in his stomach. and where did this need to defend his sensei come from?]

"Care, for someone like me... it looks different from the kind of coddling people receive under the care of heroes. The path my master opened up for me is harsh and miserable, and it's the only kind of future I ever could have had. I wasn't meant for happiness or safety. If he hadn't pushed me towards becoming the Symbol of Terror, I would have been swallowed up by the world and disappeared without anyone ever noticing.

"My only options are to either crash and burn, or keep pushing forward until that world is gone - and my sensei showed me that I can fight through any kind of pain in my way. It was a gift, and it's one I'm grateful for. I don't care what you think."

#(that time an ask got Tomura so worked up i had to go back and edit in more yelling) #ic #pm; ic ask #self reblog

[traumatictouch]

Choke me

"If you're sure."

#(MALICIOUS COMPLIANCE) #ic #pm; ic ask #CRACK;

[traumatictouch]

Shigaraki, can i pledge my love to you?

[h esita tes]

“...How about... you just let your actions speak louder than your words, and commit yourself to our cause instead?"

#(reblogs some old answers bc i started rewatching the villain bits of the anime again) #ic #pm; ic ask