trueprinces - Tumblr blog

trueprinces · 1 year

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I would be absolutely fucking lying if I said I was okay. I am not fucking okay at all. I feel like every app I go on, every friend I talk to, and every place I visit I see people who are living. Even if they’re suffering through something they’re working towards something. They have some finish line or goal to fight for. And I feel like I don’t have any fucking thing. I feel like no matter what I do I am never fucking good enough. I’m never fucking talented enough. I’m never attractive enough. I’m never considerate enough. I’m never kind enough. I’m never gracious. I can always be working harder. Work hard right. That’s what we’re supposed to do work hard and put our all into something and just keep working until you achieve your goal. I feel like I’ve been doing nothing but working. So much so that I feel I’ve done everything I can to try to achieve my goals just to hear some person who knows absolutely nothing about me and nothing about how hard I’m actually working to tell me I’m not good enough. So easily. And then they get to keep on going on and I have to sit in my fucking room alone to yet another email, message, dm with the same words a billions other people have already sent me. When do I get to be good enough? When do I get my fucking turn? When do I get to stop being emotionally tormented by myself and anyone else who uses me to project their problems onto? I just don’t fucking know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know what I’m doing right. And I feel like no one has the answers or advice I need. I just feel like I don’t have any purpose. Like there’s nothing for me to be striving for because I’ve fooled myself into believing I even had a sliver of a chance at accomplishing anything I’ve dreamed of. Because maybe I was never going to be good enough. Maybe my dreams never belonged to me. I guess I was foolish to believe that I could be anything other than worthless. Maybe I should be grateful so many people have made feel like there’s nothing special about me. They were just doing me a favor. Protecting me from breaking my own heart.. Well it broken now. I don’t have anything else left to give. I don’t have anything left to wish for. I don’t have anything left to dream for. So what does that leave me with? Nothing.. just like me.. nothing.. nothing to myself and nothing to anyone else. Just a piece of dust floating on a giant rock hurtling through vast and endless space. An embarrassment. To myself. To my family. And to anyone who actually has what it takes to be a star. It’s laughable I thought it could ever be someone as insignificant, hideous, and talentless as me