Prayers to the families who lost loved ones at AstroFest. Crowd safety is no joke. Hope that the people involved in the festival are held accountable for their negligent planning which resulted in people losing their lives. Kids need to understand that mindlessly “raging” while having no concern for the health and safety of others, does not make them cool.
It can’t be happening already
Thought I had time enough to spend
Out in fields with flowers
Shooting shit with childhood friends
But suddenly the mist is fast approaching
And everyone is choking in the smog
Could it be evil crossing the horizon
(My god, what’s that?)
Oh, wait, no, it’s just clunky dialogue
About how I’m the chosen so-and-so
Who’s meant to save the world
A kid who just turned seventeen
And hasn’t kissed a girl (yet!)
Well, thank you
No, thank you
I’ve gotta say no way
Please make it some other hero’s journey
I’m fine with where I am
And where I am is fine
And who’s to say the villain won’t just give up, given time?
Well, perhaps I’m not your chosen one
You’ll have to look around
For someone far more danger prone
And blindly duty bound
So, thank you
But really, no thank you
To your batshit prophesy
And please make it some other hero’s journey
And before you say it's a “Refusal to Call” which is technically a component of the hero’s journey
This little tune started life in early 2018 as a short piano solo and got an uncharacteristic amount of attention here. Some lyric ideas soon followed and I turned it into a vocal song that I made later that year, but I knew it wasn’t the definitive version.
Somewhere between 2019 and 2020, I re-recorded the vocals, but the idea just needed time to sit. I don’t often wrote vocal songs and this one is my best by a clear margin, so it’s been nagging at me in the corner for a long time and I wanted to change that.
What you see here is a blend of new instruments and what I consider to be archival vocals, but this is essentially a remake, not a remaster. It’s a bit rough around the edges, but I’m actually okay with that for once in my life because it feels like part of the song’s vibes to me.
The idea still stands as a Dragon Age tribute to Anders, but it picked up some other meaning along the way for me and maybe that’s also the case for you.
“You need to find God,” says the man at the door. “No I’m good, thank you,” you say, starting to close the door. “Please!” says the man urgently. “God is missing, please find him!”
All of a sudden, a huge blast wraps the world in itself. You search for your brother, the first thing. If God was to take anything with him it was your brother he’d take. You brother once brought home a love bird. Its neck was twisted, it was struggling. Your brother brought it home and fed him food and water. He called it Twinkle. It laid almost dead on the first day, the next day it jumped and made sounds. On the third day it died in the absence of your brother. God had taken it with himself because your brother didn’t take it to school.
There’s banging on the door again.
“Open the door, you bitch!” You hear.
But before going to the door you go to your brother. He’s writing an essay. About God, about religion. About the things you always thought were just ornamental words for your craft.
“Open up, you devil!”
You remember the men banging the door. You open the door and you see your childhood best friend. The one you met at the bus stop for the first time, in childhood. The childhood you’d grown to loathe because it didn’t allow you to love her enough.
“I am going to take an hour long nap, Talia!” you hear from your brother.
Your childhood best friend watches you. A crooked smile on her face, her hair as black as ever, just like they’d always been. So black that they blinded you into thinking that only her existence was real and concrete. She hugs you. You feel the warmth of her body on your chest and stomach and around your arms. Eventually, you start feeling like a selfish bastard. You were just asked to find God and you’re standing here with your best friend in your arms. And when you were asked to hold your best friend in your arms fifteen years ago you were finding God because that was what felt easier at that time. Holding her in your arms feels easier now. You remember holding hands with her on your last day, standing so close to her that the strings of your identity cards were tangled. That was what you were, identities tangled in the conventional school you studied in. Lorenzo-Talia. Lorenzo-Talia. Lorenzo-Talia. Until it was just Lorenzo and no Talia, because Talia went to find God. And eventually, nothing. It was just a conventional school with identity cards and no Lorenzo and no Talia.
Her arms tighten around you and you hear her let out a loud sob. You wrap your own hands around her and it makes you into a soldier who’s returned home from war.
Her hair brush your ears, they tickle.
You meet your friend, that’s fate. You see God in her eyes, that’s revalation.