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unphasedmoon · 4 months

Text

┃It’s always you

₊˚⊹♡Jing Yuan x gn reader

₊˚⊹♡‎wc: 2,357~

₊˚⊹♡warnings: suicide (reader), angst with a happy ending, death & rebirth, soulmate au type beat

₊˚⊹♡notes: I’ve been obsessing over Blade lately but Jing Yuan remains to be the OG lmao. On a serious note: I rediscovered the song Back 2 You by Selena Gomez during a time of emotional turmoil and.. voila. I originally wasn’t going to upload this. I was gonna scrap it or just keep it for me, for personal use, but I decided to post it after I revised it. I wrote this for personal reasons I will not delve into, but I hope this helps someone else as much as it helped me. You’re loved, and there’s always someone out there who will listen, understand, and love you. I promise. ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚

₊˚⊹♡Main Masterlist

Jing Yuan’s experienced many relationships before, ranging from platonic to romantic in nature.

Yet the end of said relationships failed to pierce his heart as deeply as his heartbreak for you.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

He still remembers that day vividly.

Your slumped figure sitting in a pool of your own blood, with a letter loosely held in your cold hands.

The rest of the scene became a blur, as his vision became clouded with tears.

a rare occurrence for a man like Jing Yuan.

He partly blamed himself, even though he knew your actions weren’t a reflection or a result of his own actions or feelings.

his heart lurched as a broken sob racked his trembling form. Still, he gently removed the beautiful parchment from your lifeless hand to scour your last words.

your written declaration of love and gratitude, for him, brought a self-deprecating smile to his lips. Your words are so powerful and moving, yet your body lay lifeless before him.

He takes a shuddering breath as his eyes slowly trail up your slumped figure. his fingers curl around your letter as his heart stops.

The sight of a dagger plunged deeply into your chest, directly into your heart, is all it takes for his soul to cry in agony.

His throat constricts, and his lungs fail to adequately exchange oxygen, yet…

He refuses to look away; he does not dare to tear his eyes away from the love of his life, even in her demise.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

Jing Yuan never hid from the public eye. Even with the tragic, countless losses his heart continued to endure, he never resided in solitude for long.

…

Your death was the first time he remained in seclusion.

He knows you belong to the Vidyadhara, a humanoid race, so your body will be repaired.

but..

Your memories of him, of the time you two spent together, will not remain.

He doesn’t even know if he’ll encounter you again in his lifetime, but the possibility is high.

So, he waits.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

After Jing Yuan’s long period of seclusion following your death, he resumed work.

On a particularly slow day Fu Xuan stopped by to see the general of the Luofu. She knew of your fate, and although she was loath to admit it she was concerned for the general.

When she saw that lazy smile on his lips, she almost chided herself for being worried.

That is, until she realized his smile didn't meet his eyes.

She entertained small talk with the general as contemplated how to broach her concerns with the grief-stricken general. As the conversation slowly trailed off, she steeled herself.

The Master Diviner braced herself for backlash as she gave the general unsolicited advice… albeit from the goodness of her heart; the general is a sloth at times, much to her annoyance, but she truly did wish him well.

So, with that in mind, she cautioned him that if he were to meet your reincarnation he should not engage and move on.

Even as his lazy smile morphed into a deep rooted frown, she continued on. She informed him that there’s no guarantee your fate will differ from your past life, even if you two reunite.

Although Fu Xuan’s words struck a nerve, he knew she was coming from a good place.

After a brief farewell he watched her retreating figure. He considered her advice despite his reluctance.

Though it pained him to admit it, her words were not ill advised.

Maybe.. he should try to move on.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

He tried to heed Fu Xuan’s warning.. in his own way.

He attempted another relationship, but shortly broke it off.

He deemed it a fruitless endeavor since his thoughts were filled with you as he was lying beside someone else. He’d hate to be inauthentic, so he did what was best for him and his brief companion.

It feels like millennia pass by as he moves through the motions. His duties as general serve as a welcome distraction for his desolate heart.

Now, his droopy eyes rove over words that seemingly blur together as he reaches the end of the document. Once his signature is elegantly signed on the bottom of the document, he leans back in his seat to indulge in a brief moment of rest.

His sleep addled brain immediately thinks of you, as it usually does.

He reminisces about his very first encounter with you.

He had made a visit to a bookstore with hopes of finding an engaging book that could be a much needed distraction from work.

Preferably, a book about cats.

He took his time to scan the vast array of books the store had to offer. His eyes lit up with unbridled joy as he found what he was looking for.

He reached for the book, but before he could grasp it someone bumped into him from behind. When he turned around, there you were.

Your eyes were glazed over. It was obvious you were daydreaming about something and your mind was elsewhere. It took a few moments, but your eyes came into focus.

As your anxious orbs stared into his eyes, he winked at you.

He laughed at your flustered reaction; you began to apologize profusely as you tried to look anywhere but at him.

He didn’t know it at the time, but he would grow fond of your clumsy actions.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

Subconsciously, a smile forms on his lips as he remembers the adorable smile you graced him with when he dismissed your apologies.

In contrast to his smile, a pained sigh leaves his lips. He’s struggling to recall the name of the bookstore.

After you died he avoided going anywhere near that bookstore. He physically couldn’t handle walking down that path, that same path you used to always accompany him on.

To those close to him, it was fairly obvious that your death impacted him greatly. Unfortunately they could only do so much to alleviate their general’s heartache.

Jing Yuan hated Yanqing’s blatant concern when he purposely took the long way back to his office. Even so, Jing Yuan continued to avoid the route all together, for many years.

He evades it to this day.

He forces his heavy eyes to open, staring at nothing as he tries to snuff his beautiful memories of you.

…

….

He slowly puts the signed document down with a despondent groan.

It’s no use.

For some reason, he can’t stop thinking about that bookstore.

…it feels like he’s forgetting something important.

His mind reels as he desperately tries to recall the name of the bookstore. His eyebrows crease in concentration once the name of the bookstore is on the tip of his tongue.

Come on Jing Yuan, it shouldn’t take you this long to-

Ah, he remembers now.

Jing Yuan looks down at the paper as he mindlessly fiddles with it. He doesn’t know why, but he feels compelled to visit the bookstore once more after so many years. However, with every fiber of his being, he tries to quell the urge. His finger taps against his knee as his leg bounces.

He detests how easily he wants to give in.

He’s avoided the store for years, so why does he-

…

Wait.

He shoots up from his seat.

He’s quick to scan the document he signed until he finds the date. Once his eyes land on their target, he feels the air leave his lungs like someone punched him.

Ah.

It’s the day you…

He takes a sharp intake of breath. His knee resumes bouncing as his heart pounds against his chest.

He moves abruptly, heading for the door.

Some papers flutter off his desk due to his erratic movements. He pays no mind to the wayward documents as he swiftly leaves his office.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

Jing Yuan finds himself walking down a road he hasn’t set eyes on in years. The esteemed man admires laughing children and busy salespeople as he walks down the familiar path.

It feels like a weight is lifted from his chest as he continues to walk. A tentative smile reaches his lips as he draws closer to the bookstore.

His heart threatens to burst from his chest as the sign comes into view so he stops walking to take a deep breath.

He closes his eyes and centers himself.

He focuses on the sounds of life around him; His trained ears pick up the sound of laughter, of footsteps that rush past him, of a baby babbling…

Once he’s composed himself he completes his journey to the bookstore.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

Honestly, he’s fond of this bookstore. It is where he first met you after all.

He leisurely peruses the books in stock as he smiles at the seller. They gaze at him curiously with a tentative smile in silent reply. They’re obviously surprised that the General of the Cloud Knights is here to pay a visit to their bookstore.

He scans the selection one more time. When he doesn’t find anything of interest, he says his farewell to the shop owner.

He did what he came here to do. He’s proud of himself for walking down this route after so much time has passed. He feels the best he ever has in years.

This was a healing experience for him.

He turns around, ready to return to the many documents that await his approval and revision. He unwittingly bumps into someone during his haste, and blood rushes to his cheeks as he quickly apologizes.

The person stumbles backwards, but he’s quick to reach out and steady them. His eyes quickly scan the figure as he opens his mouth to apologize once again, and..

Oh.

Oh my.

The words die in his throat.

His heart leaps out of his chest and into the hands of the beautiful person in front of him.

You.

He knows it’s you; your pretty features are permanently engraved in his memory.

Your expression is one of surprise, yet a subconscious smile, reminiscent of a past life, graces your beautiful lips.

His mouth parts in shock as his skin runs cold. He releases you to subtly wipe his clammy hands on his pants.

He regrets letting go of you immediately.

Your head tilts as you stare at him, and an ethereal smile presents itself on your lips.

The same lips he dreams about every night.

The same lips he achingly yearns to kiss once more.

He instinctively tilts his body in your direction.

“General!? It’s a pleasure to meet you! Am I in your way? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

His Adam's Apple bops as he tunes out the rest of your words. His eyes remain zeroed in on your lips. They only look up when your lips stop moving.

Golden eyes blatantly admire the sparkle of amusement in your gorgeous orbs.

He longs to pull you into his arms; he’s missed you so much. He was uncertain if he’d ever meet you again, and he didn’t know he’d do if he did.

He hopes you aren’t facing the same struggles you previously were. If you are, he won't hesitate to do everything in his power, and more, to prevent the same outcome from occurring.

“I.. I missed-“

His voice… it’s..

Strained.

Hoarse.

In desperate need of water.

He coughs into his fist as an embarrassed blush graces his cheeks. In his urgency to reconnect with you, he forgot that you won’t remember him. You don’t know him since you’ve clearly molted, and everyone knows the memories of the Vidyadhara unfortunately don’t carry over.

But oh he hopes you’ll spend this lifetime you have with him.

All of it.

So he settles for an elated smile. His heart flounders in your hands when you visibly become flustered; you look down as a shy smile manifests itself on your divine lips.

He falls in love with you all over again.

Oh, how he loves you.

“Don’t worry that pretty head of yours over it, I’d hate to see a frown mar those ravishing lips. The fault lies with me. ..As a way for me to amend my mistake, why don’t you accompany me on a walk?” His velvety voice makes you swoon, and you fail to hide how giddy you feel.

With a knowing smirk he offers his arm to you, but you hesitate to accept his offer.

“Are you sure, General? I may not own anything of interest, but I’m sure I can-“ “Oh, but you do. Please, indulge me.” His eyes bore into yours, and you see a glint of… something.. within them. You aren’t sure what it is.

Although his words leave you confused, you oblige. Your arm wraps itself snugly in his and your body moves closer to his own.

His eyes water with unshed tears as he fails to mask his euphoria. His wobbly smile is the last thing you see before he hides his face from your view.

You remain none the wiser to the tear that managed to escape.

As you both walk up the road he’s avoided for years, his gaze trails back to you once more. He chuckles at the flagrant jubilation on your enchanting face. You were always bad at masking your emotions around him.

He initiates a conversation with you, and it isn’t long before he’s blessed with your melodious laugh.

He hopes that he’ll be able to revive the object of interest that you own.

His heart.

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝

As the years go by you grow close to Jing Yuan once more. You successfully revive his previously shattered heart, and you make him the happiest man in the universe when you agree to marry him. You remain by each other’s side for eternity, and in this lifetime of yours he’s proud to say he was able to grow old with you.

P.S: He always reunites with you after you molt, and you two continuously fall in love with each other in every life that you have.

There’s no one else he’d rather spend his immortality with than you.

#jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x you #jing yuan x gn reader #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader #jing yuan x reader angst #jing yuan reader insert

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unphasedmoon · 4 months

Text

he does it so well

summary ⎯ hot things they do.

includes ⎯ dan heng, gepard, blade, sampo, & jing yuan.

tana's words ⎯ struggling with writing requests rn so i wrote something short to clear writer's block. im sorry guys i'll get to them soon i promise 😭

dan heng

⎯ waits for you before turning the page on a book. he notices that you are reading along with him and waits for you to signal that you're ready before carrying on.

⎯ private > public. he will brush your hand in public but he will be all over you in private. instead of only brushing your hand, dan heng will be brushing up on you. more touchy in private than in public.

⎯ pushes the hair out of your face when it's getting in your way. but he does it in a more sensual way. his fingers graze your lips as he agonizingly drags his hand through your hair.

⎯ long day? melts into your body at night. runs his hands up and down your arms as a way to relieve stress?? leans his head into your neck and sighs so dreamily??? like hello?? lips grazing your neck???

⎯ hot morning voice. raspy and rough. also kind of scratchy. when he tells you, "five more minutes," how could you say no to THAT voice? he knows of this effect and makes sure to use it to his full advantage

⎯ very observant. knows everything you like; knows your routines; knows you. he's the first to compliment you if you got a haircut or new outfit/nails/whatever. it always make you blush bc how is he always the first one to figure these things out?!?@#$%

⎯ gets jealous a little too easily. doesn't do anything verbal about it. opts for being a little more touchy than usual. he thinks it's embarrassing and he wants to hide his face into his pillow when you tease him about it.

⎯ lip biter. not when y'all are kissing, but when he tries to hide his smile or his laugh he bites his lip. you find it so cute and you just want to grab him and just connect your lips with his.

⎯ nerd. hot sexy nerd. he'll tell you about animals and mitosis and python and he's just so intelligent. helps you with problem solving things (probably puzzles idk) and he stands/leans over you with his breath dancing on the back of your neck.

⎯ jawline kisser. if he wants something from you he gives chaste kisses to your jawline. he does that when he's bored too ig. very big on jaw kisses and secretly loves when you flush because of them.

gepard

⎯ blushes when you compliment him. he looks so adorable you just wanna pinch his cheeks and smother him. he gets even more embarrassed

⎯ big domestic guy. ntm on casual stuff or situationships. if he wants you, he'll let you know (even if he's blushing his way through it).

⎯ he is not shy. in the beginning he might be a little shy, but later on the relationship he'll get bolder. chaste kisses on the lips becomes long make-out sessions on his bed after a rather tiring day on the front lines. and if he hasn't seen you in a while... i will let you guys interpret.

⎯ leans down to listen to you. he's literally gigantic and when he LEANS DOWN just to hear what you say... and it's so innocent too but the way you look up at him doesn't make it so innocent anymore...

⎯ pins you to the wall on accident. may or may not be inspired by teenage dream. anyway, he does a lot of hot things on accident and doesn't even realize it. so you are trying not to explode while gepard is enjoying his merry day while caging you underneath him.

⎯ acts like a knight since u always make jokes that he's your "knight in shining armor." so dedicated that he kisses your knuckles out of nowhere and it makes you want to FAINT. like you could be reading and (out of nowhere) he takes your hand away from your book and kisses ur knuckles. AND HE HOLDS EYE CONTACT WHILE DOING IT.

⎯ flirty without knowing it. says something cute and flirty but doesn't realize it until you say something. and he says it so calmly too; like drops it into a convo

⎯ runs a hand through your hair before you two sleep. he just wants to keep you close and he just wants to feel you because he never gets to come home often.

⎯ ROLLS UP. HIS SLEEVES. TO HIS FOREARMS. he does this when he's particularly stressed. like come here i can show you a way to destress (i'm so sorry).

blade

⎯ he's only shirtless when YOU are around. he trusts you enough to show all of himself around you. you are reliable and trustworthy enough to be able to know the entirety of him: his body, his mind, his past, etc.

⎯ intensely loyal to you. like if he had to choose between the world and you he would obviously choose you. would do anything for you, would buy anything for you, would steal anything for you: you guys get the gist.

⎯ he's so loving only towards you. silver wolf and kafka like to tease him for it (especially silver wolf... bc how can he play a game with you and not her). he does little things for you, like picking lint off of your outfit or pulling your hair back when you're eating something. or pulling your hair back when you're doing something...

⎯ LOVES when you wear his clothing. his shirt his jacket ANYTHING. whatever it is, he will be going crazy for it. has a thing for when you wear his shirts; you just look so good and you're wearing something that's HIS. not anyone else's; HIS SHIRT.

⎯ has a little possessive streak. it's not a weird and overprotective possessive thing tho. more so, "no silver wolf you are not going to force them to play games with you." maybe it's more overprotective than possessive, but secretly he wants you all to himself and he does NOT want to share.

⎯ speaking of being overprotective, he is also just regular protective. he walks on the side near the road so you don't have to. he grabs your arm to pull you away from something dangerous. he shields you so he'll get hit before you. yk, cute stuff like that. your safety is his priority, no matter what.

⎯ he is the type to be like, "who did this to you??" and he WILL be hunting that person down. but not without urgently caring for you first.

⎯ his touch is so filled with emotion, genuineness, earnestness, and sincere. i hc that blade doesn't have much relationship experience and he isn't very wordy, so when he hugs you or touches you, all of his emotions are poured into his hands/fingers/etc. all of what he feels for you (which is very much) is shown in his physical touch.

sampo

⎯ MANSPREADS. i said it. HE IS A MANSPREADER. elbows resting on top of his knees as he says something super coy or flirty towards you, and sometimes you even have to PHYSICALLY avert your eyes away.

⎯ a tease. if you lean in for a kiss, he'll lean backwards. if he's missing you, his fingertips will dance along the bare skin of your sides, and then he'll pull away to make you want him as much as he wants you. he is so INFURIATING.

⎯ if he flusters you and you blush n try to cover your face with something (literally anything), he'll grab whatever you're holding so he could see your face. to him, you look the prettiest when you're smiley and flustered, such as in those situations.

⎯ if you're going on a long tangent about something, he'll kiss you on your lips randomly. he doesn't mind your rambling, he thinks it's adorable, which is why he does it. it always leaves you with your jaw dropped before you could continue what you were saying.

⎯ the type to lock himself in a closet with you but on accident. you guys don't know how you two even got into that situation, but sampo is with you, so he couldn't be happier. big quality time guy.

⎯ brings you little trinkets or gifts based on his "business" adventures. whenever he sees something, he gets it for you. his mind is usually racing about you anyway, so he can't help himself when he develops a spending problem because of you

⎯ sings with you to songs. you could be singing in the shower and then you hear this agitating, grating voice. he's a terrible singer, but he'll do anything as long as you're there with him, so he sings with you anyway.

jing yuan

⎯ wakes up and the first thing he does is admire you. he studies every single one of your facial features, acting as if he's never seen them before when he wakes up to your face every day. he finds beauty all around you: in your sleeping face, on the bridge of your nose, the pout of your lips when you're asleep. he just loves all of you.

⎯ a flirt and PROUD. he's bold with his quips. not afraid of initiating affection in public but he prefers private which i think is much sexier.

⎯ neck kisser. heavy on neck kisses (especially in the morning). practically an entire body kisser tbh. he can't get enough of you, and in a world where loneliness strives (immortality), he's grateful that he has you for the time being.

⎯ grabs your chin and tilts your head up if he wants you. he doesn't do it forcefully, more like a gentle smush. he locks eyes with you and omfg it makes your heart beat sm. like why are you looking at me LIKE THAT. so sensually or whateva....

⎯ urges you to come closer to him so he can whisper something in your ear. when do you come closer to him, he pulls you by the waist and gets super close to your ear. like lips brushing your ear. and he blows a raspberry in it. so stupid but too lovable.

⎯ lies down in your lap if you two are lounging together. since he's so busy, he doesn't get to lounge around often, so he likes to be as close to you as possible.

⎯ if he wants to kiss you, you will know. not because he'll tell you. but because of the specific LOOK he gives you. his eyes are narrowed under the spell of seduction, focusing only on your lips. his mouth is slightly parted like he is ready to kiss you, and the way he tilts his head down...

⎯ patient for you. will wait for you even when he is dying to feel you once again. he has to deal with yanqing so he holds a lot of patience. but he won't rush you with anything, lets you move at your own pace, and gives you help if needed. overall sweet guy.

i hope this motivates me into finishing my requests

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #gepard x reader #gepard x you #blade x reader #blade x you #hsr blade #gepard landau x reader #sampo x reader #sampo koski #jing yuan x reader #tana the writer #LOVELY AHHHH

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unphasedmoon · 4 months

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MC: I think I know what kind of spirit animals do the Landau siblings have

March: What is it?

MC: A "Gepard, Serval, and Lynx ", full house of cats

March: ...

#honkai star rail shitpost #honkai star rail #star rail

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unphasedmoon · 4 months

Text

CRY FOR LOVE.

➳ synopsis: ever since dan feng had been sentenced to molting rebirth, you didn't know how to move on, despite not having your love returned by the high elder. encountering his reincarnation - dan heng - centuries down the track wasn't the plan.

➳ character/s: dan heng, dan feng

➳ warnings: swearing, death (but a double whammy), reincarnation, unrequited love (unless-), spoilers for the 1.2 trailblaze mission, haha songfic/scripted music video??? (screenshot summary of a movie but written)

➳ notes: here is the explanation of such fic type and the guide on how i suggest to read this :)). i have an addiction to this song istg, baekhyun vocals send me

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠.

the image of dan feng in chains as he was led to the shackling prison was burnt into your mind, even when you closed your eyes.

𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲.

you held the little block puzzle in your hand containing the confession letter you planned to give him, but sighed and pocketed it. you won't be needing it.

𝐖𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨.

"i'm not him."

you held his gaze and sucked in a small breath, smiling bittersweetly. "i know," you whispered. "what's your name?"

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠?

dan heng didn't know how to feel about jing yuan bringing him to the old spots they used to go to, but he realised he didn't feel anything at all.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞. 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞.

dan heng doesn't miss the forced smile you put on just for him. "i'm sorry-"

"you're not him," you interrupted, taking a shaky breath. maybe a short walk together wasn't a good idea. "it's ok. don't apologise for something you didn't do."

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐫𝐲, 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐫𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥. 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲?

a single tear rolls down your face as you curl your knees to your chest, resting your chin atop them as you gazed at the pond. it felt pathetic to see dan heng sitting beside you in the reflection of the water, a gentle hand rubbing your back despite knowing you a total of 2 weeks.

𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝, 𝐈 𝐜𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐈 𝐜𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞.

his lips press into a thin line as the tears welled in your eyes. he thinks it's awkward how he rubs your back but the guilt of what his past self has done to you overrides his senses and pushes him to continue the motion.

𝐔𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐜𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬.

this is getting ridiculous, you thought. the burning question of 'what if?' has been plaguing your mind since you met dan heng a month ago.

𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭?

for a month, dan heng has been trying to remember any importance you had to dan feng's life, but he can't ignore the ache in his chest when he thinks about you being in it.

𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭. 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞.

how much longer was he going to be here? you weren't sure if you wanted to know the answer to your own question as you took an unfamiliar route on your walk. you were sure he noticed you purposely avoiding him, but you didn't know how else to rid yourself of feelings for his past self.

the absence of you was deafening. dan heng's hope that maybe there are some good things about his past life was diminishing as he watched you take another detour. he wants to follow you, to hug you, to apologise to you, but his feet remain rooted to the ground.

the bags under your eyes seem darker as you watched him eat with the astral express, but a teary smile sat on your tired features at the thought of you having that with someone in a past life of your own. just not this one.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞, '𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐜𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞.

he is everywhere. you see his eyes in the lakes, ocean and the sky. you feel the warmth of his company as you wander down aurum alley. you're reminded of his intelligence as you pass through stargazer navalia. you're reminded of your unrequited love every time you come to central starskiff haven, surrounded by those flaunting their success in love whereas you failed.

you swallow your frustrations, gazing at a starskiff that faded into the horizon. perhaps he would be better without your heartbroken presence...

your bags were packed and ready to go, your home now eerily empty, save for a singular photo frame of yourself and dan heng that was taken by march. you left your key inside a pot as always before you turned your back on your past, never to look back again.

with shaky hands, dan heng holds the photo frame containing a fond memory of you that always seemed to weigh on his mind. he looked around your home, hoping you would show, but knowing you wouldn't come back for him.

𝐈𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐈 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.

a shallow breath escaped your lips as you lay in the snow, blood pouring from your chest.

"i'm finally free..."

𝐈𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐈 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.

a tear fell from dan heng's crystal-like eyes as he knelt by your grave, giving the headstone a kiss he wished he had the chance to give you.

#honkai star rail #hsr #dan heng #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #dan heng x reader #honkai star rail imagines #hsr imagines #dan heng imagines #dan feng #dan feng x reader #dan feng imagines #Ugh my.heart I can't #im literally crying as I typed this down #Its so beautiful as I listened to it ughhhhhh

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unphasedmoon · 4 months

Text

"When The Carnations Bloom" Jing Yuan x GN!Reader

AN: Here's the Arbiter General~ Felt kinda rushed at the end, but I'm more or less happy with how this came out! Once again likes and reblogs are appreciated! Don't be shy to leave a comment down below as well! <3 Reader is Gender Neutral!

Wordcount: 1.9K+ words~

Prompt: Reader has Hanahaki and hides it from everyone. (Except for Bailu.)

TW: Major character death (Reader), slight descriptions of blood.

Please read at your own risk!

More below the cut~

You were in the bathroom, throwing up those damned flowers again. They came up and out of your throat quickly and painfully, as you emptied out whatever you could. Tired, you leaned against the wall and glanced down at the bloodied and saliva-covered red carnations in your sink. Crinkling your nose up in disgust, you tried to regulate your ragged breathing by taking deep breaths. It proved to be difficult, but little by little, you calmed your erratic pulse. And little by little, the urge to break out into violent coughs ceased. Moving to get back into bed, you groaned softly as a knock sounded at the door. Vowing to murder whomever showed at your door, you wearily trudged over.

“(Name)! General is slacking off again!” A boyish voice shouted from the other side, drawing a long sigh from you. Ah, it was Yanqing.

Begrudgingly, the door swung open and you scowled slightly at the thought of having to drag Jing Yuan back to the Seat of Divine Foresight. Yanqing stood there, looking just as annoyed as you did, and the two of you shared a knowing look. The general was once again skipping out on paperwork. Stepping out in whatever you were wearing currently, you didn't care for the strange looks you garnered from your neighbors.

“Again?” You grumbled this softly, trying to ignore the flowers that started to tickle the back of your throat, just from the thought of Jing Yuan. Ah, how could you have fallen for someone so frustrating, yet so handsome?

“Again. I couldn't think of anyone to get him to do his work but you.” Yanqing said this apologetically but started to lead you away to where the general slumbered. The entire way, you grumbled about how you should start charging Jing Yuan. You were acting as his very own human alarm, after all.

The arduous journey led you straight to a certain garden. And lo and behold, the snow haired man slept soundly under an arbor of wisteria and an assortment of other flowers. You fought down the flowers that clogged your throat as your eyes found his form. Letting out a strained grunt, you stalked over to Jing Yuan, and prepared to smack him upside the head. Yanqing watched on curiously. He had seen this spectacle several times, but you seemed… Tired, to him. Less eager to smack the general. Though as soon as his thoughts started to wander, a resounding smack of skin on skin drew his light topaz colored eyes to the source.

Jing Yuan rubbed the back of his head, a relaxed and even amused smile on his face as he regarded you. Meanwhile, you frowned at him disapprovingly. It looked like a lion being scolded by a very unhappy sparrow. It was comical to any passerby, if it weren't for said lion being the General of the Xianzhou Luofu.

“Jing Yuan, how many times are you going to slack off?” You scolded him, expression softening. Ah, you could never stay mad at him. Those sincere honey eyes of his made you weak to your knees. Keeping the flower petals at bay, you simply crossed your arms and looked at him expectantly.

“Well my dear (Name)... If I didn't slack off, I wouldn't get a chance to see you everyday.” His deep voice said this with velvety smoothness as he chuckled and smiled at you fondly. “You know how boring it is to do paperwork everyday. What if I want to see my favorite-”

You flicked his forehead and sighed through your nose. His words caused the roots of the flowers in your lungs to tighten and contract. It hurt to hear those words from him. You almost wished he would stop saying such things. And to stop looking at you with such softness. Every action and look from the cloud-haired man fueled the slow agony you suffered.

“Seat of Foresight. Now.” You crossed your arm tighter as he sighed heavily and stood.

“Anything for you, little sparrow.”

The weeks passed on uneventfully, and your routine stayed the same. You coughed up those dreaded carnations, rouge color matching that of your blood. Then tiredly, you would drag Jing Yuan back to his office to fulfill his duties before going about your own day. It was troublesome at times, but it was comfortable. Admittedly, you enjoyed what little time you had with the general. After you retired from the frontlines, you gradually saw Jing Yuan less and less. This was one of the few ways you could see him still, without seeming a bother.

More weeks passed, and you seemed to grow weaker and weaker as the deep red carnations started to bloom. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to tell anyone of your predicament. Of your beautifully cruel disease, as it destroyed you quietly. The flowers came heavily now, blooming delicately in full.

One fairy night in summer, a knock on the door sounded softly. You weren't surprised. In fact, you had expected this to happen. You see, as your condition worsened, you distanced yourself. No longer, did you go to rouse the general from his slumber. No longer did you go to the Seat of Divine Foresight at the request of Jing Yuan, only to end up playing a game of starchess with him. Honestly, you had expected him to come sooner. You opened your front door, revealing the tall man. His golden eyes looked down at you, screaming their worry despite the calm smile on his face.

“Jing Yuan.” You spoke softly, acknowledging him.

“Little Sparrow.” He acknowledged you back, dipping his head toward you.

A silence ensued as you both stood there, gazing at one another. The sun had started to die in its grave in the sky, giving way to a plum sunset. And yet, nothing was said. Eventually, when the plum shades faded into inky indigo, Jing Yuan spoke. His tone was calm, with undertones of hope.

“Will you be there to scold me tomorrow?” It was a silly question that made laughter bubble up in your throat. The petals accompanied it, however. Fighting them back, you managed to crack a smile at the general.

“I'll be there.” His smile widened and his eyes melted into pools of honey, uncontrollably fond.

“Then I shall look forward to tomorrow. Until then, Little Sparrow.”

You sobbed softly to yourself that night as the stars made their nightly travel across the dark expanses of space.

Lady Bailu frowned at you deeply, anger and sorrow pooling in her eyes. Looking ready to cry, she turned away and sniffled violently. The Vidyadhara healer had just examined your condition, and her conclusion was not a favorable one. Fists clenched, she turned back to you.

“You're going to die very soon, (Name). If you don't do something. The carnations are in full bloom.. At this rate you'll suffocate on them and-.” The tears started to slide down her cheeks as she glared up at you. Your only response was a sorrowful smile.

“I'm a coward, Lady Bailu. I could never burden Jing Yuan.” You sighed.

“Then let me treat them. Let me get rid of them for you-” You cut her off, shaking your head gently.

“And lose the ability to love? To be considered alive?” Bailu could not fight against you. Instead, Bailu sobbed into your shoulder, gripping you tightly as you bent down and gently hugged her small, quivering form. You would miss her. Miss Yanqing. Aeons, you'd even miss Fu Xuan and her nagging. And Jing Yuan and his lazing about.

The following days, you spent packing your things into boxes and labeled them with names of the ones you wanted them to go to. Your precious sword collection would go to Yanqing of course. Qingque got your prized mahjong board made from the finest jade. And Jing Yuan received the first tea set you ever got. It had been a gift from the man himself. A retirement gift, as he would have put it. You knew he'd take good care of it. Saying goodbye to these things were bittersweet. But, you couldn't bring yourself to bear your soul to Jing Yuan. And you couldn't undergo Bailu’s treatment to rid yourself of these carnations in your lungs. All living things were built to love. Platonically or not. If you lost that feeling, could you even consider yourself ‘alive’, anymore? You sighed softly as you finished the last of the box. You were certain that they would be treasured and treated well. The last thing to do, was to pen the letters.

News of your death spread through the Xianzhou Luofu like wildfire. Many were in disbelief, while some mourned for you. Jing Yuan had been shocked by this, not wanting to believe it. His footsteps echoed on the pavement of your home’s walkway. No, he needed to see you. He needed to put the worries and fears in his mind to rest. You couldn't die. You were General (Name) (Last name), the Blade Singer. The one who slayed thousands of abhorrentions of abundance. There couldn't be a possibility you had died.

The air of your home was already going stale without your presence. Though it also carried the faintest wisps of your scent. Jing Yuan’s chest tightened with pain as he stared at the boxes with names. At the letters. At you, so still in your bed. Your eyes were shut peacefully as red carnations surrounded you, in full bloom. One could almost mistake you as simply sleeping. Bailu was at your side, sobbing, along with a Yanqing who clung onto your hand, head bowed as hot tears slid down his face and hit the floor with a dull thunk.

Your funeral was one lush with flowers, and held on a day as sunny as always. The summer fairy lights seemed to gather around your starskiff, adorned with different blooms, to send you off. A silent farewell. Jing Yuan watched with unsteady honey eyes. He had lost so much already. To the point where he assumed that losing would no longer hurt him. Alas, he had been wrong. Losing you, brought an indescribable hurt to him. Chest clenching painfully, Jing Yuan excused himself soon after your funeral.

Wandering aimlessly, the General found his feet taking him to the garden you had both met in when you were young. He had fallen asleep, and you were running away from your mentor. A wistful smile found its way onto Jing Yuan’s face before he slipped a letter out of his pocket. In your handwriting, his name was penned. Jing Yuan couldn't bring himself to open it before, scared that if he acknowledged your passing, you would truly disappear from this world. But now, steeped in an indigo peace, he found the courage to open the neatly sealed envelope.

It carried your scent and your presence in every line. Every brush stroke.

To you, who I loved;

This journey has been a strange blessing and curse. Though, I would rather not have had it at all. Unfortunately, it seems unrequited love has been my undoing. I'm sure Lady Bailu has filled you in on everything… And I would like to apologize for being such a coward.

I loved you, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Perhaps it was my own fears that stopped me. I didn't want to burden you with my feelings. But I think most importantly, I didn't want to relearn the pain of losing someone I loved. We've lost so much, Yuan. I couldn't bear to lose you too. It was my own shortcoming. And it may be selfish and too late to say now, but...

I love you, Jing Yuan.

-(Name) (Last name)

Jing Yuan traced your penmanship with his fingertips. And a single hyacinth flower fluttered from his lips.

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr fanfic #honkai star rail jing yuan #hsr jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #hanahaki disease #angst #OP im crying... no cap #I'm crying as I read in every word and sentence #it's so beautiful....

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unphasedmoon · 4 months

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we would’ve been timeless.

synopsis. how they would react and cope after you left their lives. characters. jing yuan, dan heng, blade, gepard x gn!reader (separate) author's note. congrats, you have made it to the vault (carlyle's version). due to the 1.2 update i will not shut up about hsr and speak now tv. sorry if this was short, the writer's block is still kinda there. lmk if u want any other character!

jing yuan would be a bit more dignified about losing you. after all, after everything he has witnessed in his long, long life, he knew that it would only be inevitable that he would lose you, too. but for the amount of loss that he has experienced, it did not make it any easier for him to cope. your presence always made everything just a tad bit bearable and he missed that sorely. on the outside, jing yuan would make sure that he would seem fine, greeting everyone warmly and nodding to their consolations, but the moment the public's eyes are off him, he'd be devoid of any emotion. you had always likened jing yuan to the sun, he'd remember, before you went on a tangent about his eyes again, but the true sun in his life was you. and you were gone.

dan heng would immediately blame himself. no matter the circumstance, he'd chalk it up to the karma of being with someone like him. it was apparent how much happier you made him when you were together — the astral express would always comment how he seemed to glow around you despite the neutral expression he always wore — that everything just turned dead when you were gone. at least, that's how it was like for him. no more of indulging in the silly romantic antics that you'd drag him in — oh, how he'd give anything for one last adventure with you. dan heng would spend most of his time locked in the archives after this, his mind awake and going over every tender memory you shared with him. his most favorite one was when you sung to him; now, it'd be the only voice haunting him before he fell into the deepest slumber.

blade would not believe it first. you made a promise to him that you would stay with him, no matter how long it takes. you promised that to him, and he does not take the promise of forever lightly. when the undeniable is presented to him, blade would lose control over the overflowing emotion in him. he's in despair, he's seething in anger, he's breaking down in labored cries, even kafka does not want to be around him when he'd be experiencing all these at once. he'd curse his immortality again over and over, wishing that the universe would finally grant him his wish to die, because all he wants now is to be reunited in your arms, your hand gently stroking his hair and your voice whispering to him that you were there and you were fine. he would swear to never love again, not like how he loved you.

gepard would break down at the news. rightfully, it was unbecoming of the captain to react in such a public manner, but he did not care. you had always made sure he was taking care of himself, that he'd just condemn himself for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. he'd work thrice as hard and sink himself deeper into his duties afterwards. as you were no longer there to chastise him for overworking himself to the bone, gepard would be prone to collapsing every time he pushed himself too hard. even when serval would call him out on this self destructive behavior, he wouldn't listen. some nights, he'd swear that he, delirious and sleep deprived, sees you standing right next to him, a frown on your face as he stayed up all night to finish the documents. "don't look at me like that" he'd say, but how he would wish for you to say something to reprimand and snap him out of it.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

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