unrulyandwild

[unrulyandwild]

there are moments where I feel like starting a new hobby or learning something new

but then this wave crashes over me leaving me wondering why, for what reason should I do this?

at times this imposter syndrome of mine gets too close, it's claws open ready to pounce on me at one display of weakness

who am I? what am I? why am I doing this? why am I not doing this? everything comes crashing

I don't know how to breathe without wondering what was the reason for my breath

can't i just breathe for the sake of breathing? does everything have to have a meaning? a purpose?

[unrulyandwild]

having to come to terms with the fact that love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control and putting faith into them and trusting them to choose to stay with you no matter what you have to offer

[unrulyandwild]

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, White Nights

[unrulyandwild]

Virginia Woolf, from The Waves

[unrulyandwild]

hope is what is killing me but hope is what is keeping me alive.

#hope #faith #reality #ive let myself hope

[unrulyandwild]

there are two types of friends, or people in general:

those, who keep bad news or rumours about you, to themselves, to not hurt you.

and those, who intentionally slip up the information, just to see you crack.

#fake friends #friendship #betrayal #my mother

[unrulyandwild]

sometimes everything in me cries, except my eyes.

[unrulyandwild]

i open my mouth to scream and find out there's no voice left in me. there's a lump in my throat threatening to burst. my eyes well up with unreasonable tears but they never drop. why do I feel this way. my mind races a hundred miles an hour. i can't listen to what my mum's been telling me for the past few minutes. I will be better. love me please. what did I do. I'm sorry. why did you leave. why did you break your promise. why did you prove me right. all I ever wanted was to be proved wrong. ive felt this way for so long. there's a hole in my chest. i can't breathe sometimes. I'm silently breaking. i hate that I suffer in silence. why is everyone else around me finding the help they need while my pieces are overlooked. why am I silent. why am I invisible. why do I break without making the slightest sound. why can't one person look through me and find all the broken pieces I'm trying to hold on tight to.

#what happened #when is it my time to be happy #just why #when will this stop

[unrulyandwild]

maybe in another universe, I've unlocked my ultimate potential.

#multiverse #um chill anyway #everything everywhere all at once

[unrulyandwild]

I've been shunned and ignored and disregarded when I tried to reach out, so much, i physically cannot ask for help anymore.

the words get stuck in my mouth. i can't remember the things that have happened to me, the things that have torn out so much of me, i cannot remember why I became like this, why i became a shell of the person I once was.

what was i like before? who was i before everything happened to me? who was she?

i would like to see her again. I would like to be her again. i would like to be her again.

[unrulyandwild]

i miss him

no.

i miss him

you can't.

i miss him

don't forget.

i miss him

please

i miss you

[unrulyandwild]

i should write a book called 'how to lose friends'

[unrulyandwild]

50 posts!

considering this is a place i return to when I have nowhere else to go, it's sad.

#50 posts #tumblr milestone

[unrulyandwild]

how come I haven't run out of tears already

[unrulyandwild]

Studio Ghibli | Spirited Away (2001) and Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) Parallels  

[unrulyandwild]

i did it

again

i broke it

again

in the words of Taylor swift

"it's me, hi

I'm the problem

it's me"

[unrulyandwild]

i don't care

how long it takes

as long as I'm with you

I've got a smile on my face

save your tears

it'll be okay

all i know

is you're here

with me

...

#Spotify