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viylikescats · 1 month

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AHHHHHH OMS

Your Skin on Mine - Part 2

Part 1 AO3

GHOST Masterlist Masterlist Guide

Pairing: Rain Ghoul X Reader (GN)

Wordcount: 5k Summary: You and one very fire-ghoul have a good talk. Very much hurt-comfort! And Rain- Oh Rain is so sweet... Warnings: ANGST, mentions of selfharm

Dedicated to: @musicmystics-world here on tumblr and DamagedLittle on AO3, because their interest stuck with me and-- … I know my writing is different than when I wrote Part 1 and it's different from what I had intended to write like 15 months ago but- Here it is. For you. I hope you feel it, just as I did while writing. I really needed this, I guess. Thank you, you two! <3

GIFsource: X by @oldonemaster

A/N: Finishing this 2-part-fic after over a year and saying that I don't feel this anymore and saying that I wouldn't write/upload anything anymore... Ngl, this- ... You gotta read it and the A/N at the end.

*****

Sleep was everything but restful. After your crying had faded- As your body was tired, you had gotten yourself into the shower. You felt so disgusted of yourself and you deserved it, from your own point of view. But even you -the one who tortures themselves, longed for a soothing shower. Aaaaand maybe -although you'd be off duty the next day, you didn't want to look that obviously disturbing, to the eyes of the other siblings. Even you'd have to leave your room tomorrow to get something to eat.

The hot water felt wonderful on your skin but- Not cleansing. No cleanse of the disgusting feeling of yourself. All hatred, still there. As you stepped out, you did your usual routine + the skipping of moisturizer for your face; Instead using good old Vaseline on your eyelids, so they wouldn't look that horrendously swollen and red the next morning.

The sleep- Oh well... You did sleep. Quite deep even, but no rest. In your dreams you were inside a house supposed to be your home. All dark, torn and broken and burned. Water came in from everywhere. The roof, the walls; You wanted to leave through a door that looked just like the one from your room, but couldn't. You couldn't grab the knob. Couldn't move. But then- It opened on its own. Someone else opened it for you. A figure of a demon of Hell. Gray skin, pointy ears, fangs, horns- With long hair and reddish-amber eyes.

“Dew?”

A knocking at your door. Right?

You blink confused; Your eyes so damn heavy and still hurting; Not feeling rested at all after that sleep.

But- It knocks again. “Hhh- Hello-?” you ask, still not entirely convinced this is really happening right now.

“It's Dewdrop. May I come in?”

Dew-!? What the fuck!! you scream internally. “Uuuh- Uhm- G-Gimme a second.” you respond out loud though, before getting out of bed, to unlock the door. On the short way you pass the mirror by your desk- O fuck... You look- You looked better other times. Your eyes aren't as swollen, gladly but- You look like shit. Just like you feel. “Fuck it.” you mumble to yourself. It's 'just' the fire-ghoul who is one of the closest to Rain, and knocking at your door, right in the morning; For whom you turn the key and then go right back to your bed. “It's open now.” Whatever he will have to say, you know you need to sit down for that. So you expect.

“Water?” you hear him ask, as you're on your bed again. You look up and see him holding a glass bottle with water, and suddenly you realize how dehydrated you actually are.

You accept the bottle with a nod and empty it in one go. Without a word, he takes it back and places the empty bottle on your desk. Then- … He doesn't say anything. Nothing. You look at the little clock on your nightstand. One, two minutes passing by without him saying anything but just standing there.

He does look at you. But his face- You can't read it.

“So, you're here.” you start. “Go on with what you came here for.”

“What do you think I came here for?” he asks back and- That scoff that escapes you- Ohw, that one is tired and annoyed as fuck. The tone surprises both of you. You're not sure if you wanna take it back.

“Well I messed up-” you flick your tongue. Sounding more bitter than you expected yourself but- With every further word you speak you get more and more angry and you don't know why. “I messed up and h-hurt him and-;” the sentence stays unfinished. Your throat squeezed shut by an invisible force.

“I'm not here for ranting at you.”

“No?!” bitter and cold. “Why then? Certainly not to bring me water, after I hurt your friend.” after I hurt mine. After I hurt myself.

After all this time the fire-ghoul had known you- After all he had heard Rain and others talk about you; He had never seen or heard you being so cold and bitter. Poisonously spitting... It should anger him. It should make him absolutely furious-! But- The way you sit on your bed: Your shoulders so tense and small, slightly leaned away. Your fingers nervous and anxiously fiddling- Scratching at your skin. And your heart-- So, tired. So alone.

It takes his breath away. His throat, shut, for a second. His ribs, burning. One of his hands reaching right for that spot; Even under the fabric of his shirt he can feel them. They are still there. He, is still here. Remembering the pain of change.

Wordless, he pulls the chair at your desk away and takes a seat.

“Y/N-” he starts-

“No.” but you interrupt him. You see that look in his reddish-amber eyes and- “No.”

“Rain-”

“Don't.” you interrupt again. Feeling your heart aching and crying. “I am mean. I'm no good person. I'm so stupid-”

“Stop.”

“I can't fix this, Dew.” you beg. You beg, quietly, trying to convince yourself. “Maybe that's how it should be. I only hurt him and that's not fair to him.”

“And what's fair to you?” the fire-ghoul responds faster and composed than his own expectations. Even he has to process that for a second, before he continues; His shoulders tense, hands on his knees. One last deep breath before he'll 'dive' into a territory he isn't very handy with. He'd like to be! He does. He wants to try. He wants to try for Rain. And for you. “You know, no matter what- Rain would still--- It- It wouldn't matter to him. It doesn't. He likes you too much.”

Those words should be soothing. And for a moment -a tiny tiny moment, there's this hint of relief. But not long enough to grasp. Something wraps around your heart and holds it. Squeezes. And tears inside- Breaking it. And all you can do, is nothing. You just sit there, continuing to exist with such pain inside- You can't even scream because it hurts so bad; Because it's so familiar: Alone. Forever alone. Horrible and for no one to bear. Not even you. Not even you...

“Don't.” he says. You hear his voice But- “Don't do this. Don't stop being.” Now you hear him.

Your eyes look up at him. “Wh- what?”

He shakes his head “Don't stop being.”

“What do you mean?” Could he know? How?

“Your heartbeat change.”

“So?”

“It was fast. Not very fast but uh- uhm- anxious. ... Now it's calm.”

You chuckle and respond with the same bitterness as before. But you wouldn't change it either. “And why does that seem to get your attention?”

You expect him to snap at you. To get some of that fire-ghoul temperament. He gets up and steps right in front of you. His face unreadable. So- Somehow so unsatisfying. You want to see him snap. You want him to bark and scream at you what a piece of shit you are- How you can even dare to hurt Rain like that! You want him to hurt you, because you deserve it and that's what you are-! ... But- he only grabs the hem of his shirt and rises it up to his chest. His gray torso right in front of you. His ribs- scars on both sides. Four deep scars on each side.

“That's where my gills were.” he says and is so calm. “After I turned into a fire-ghoul, they were gone. The first time I got underwater, they were gone.” he let's go of the hem. “For-ever.”

The stutter in the last word. It brings you to look up. You don't face him but- you nod.

“You cut deep enough for them to stay visible.” mistake, you think. “I'm not that obvious.” Some would call your words towards Dewdrop cruel and judgmental. “But I wish I'd be.” your voice, so little and fragile. Breaking more and more with every word. “I wish everyone would see how much I'm hurt-; Seeing wounds as brutal and wrenching as they feel inside-;” as it feels right now. Tearing inside you. Long and sharp invisible blades, cutting inside you- stabbing you, enough for you to be nothing but piece of meat. And yet you still sit here. So absurd, it makes you chuckle once more. A pained smile, tasting salty wet from the tears rolling down your face.”I wish everyone to see how hurt I am. I don't know how else to-” ask or how to believe that they truly see me. “But if I would,” your voice breaks .“I'd bother them all in many different ways and-” Them all? No, just him. “I can't even tell him all this because it would hurt him too much and he'd still stay.” He'd stay stay stay…

Again, you feel it. This torturing hint of relief. Again, it takes- grabs and crushes.

“You want him to stay.”

“I don't know.” but you do know. “No. No I don't want him to.”

“You don't want to be without him.” sounding so certain. He ain't wrong.

“I do. Being alone so much easier.”

“It fucking sucks.” he snarls. Bitter. Now you got him. Now you got the fire-ghoul. Right at the verge of spitting at you. Telling you, what a piece of shit you are! … But now you don't want that anymore. “Yeah you know it but fuck would you ever admit. Not to him. You hate it and yourself.”

“I hate Him.” you say. Don't correct. Admit. Attempting to convince him and yourself. And the way your heart clutches; The way your throat is squeezed once more by that invisible force, as the tears run and drop down your face-

“You hate him because you love him.” speaks the fire-ghoul. Sweet. And comforting.

You shake your head. “I hate him because I want him to stay and he would.” you scoff. “How fucked up is that? I'm a fucking fuck up of a person and he deserves better. That I know.”

The fire-ghoul takes a deep breath. Running his claws through his long hair while taking a few steps through your room. “You love him too, Y/N. It's just so easy.”

“It's not.” you correct, keeping your eyes down. “It isn't. It can never be just that easy.”

“Why not?” he responds and you feel his eyes on you. Feel his demonic, reddish-amber eyes on yourself.

“It just never is.” so quiet. How else should you explain, something you accepted but still wish to change.

“It is now.” persistent.

“I'm not easy.” your voice still quiet, but stern.

“You're hurt. And you know- some people want that fucking fuck up. Which is fucking annoying while wanting to continue bathing in your pile of shit. Gets you hating them for it.” he sighs to himself and takes a seat on your bed next to you, while leaving enough space between you. Then, laying back with an exhausted exhale and crossing his arms over his head. “I hated my pack so much at the beginning. And Fuck, I hated Rain the fucking most.”

Now that's a shift of gear-! Getting your to look over at him. Observing the 'so exhausted' fire-ghoul; Putting the pieces together: “Because you weren't a water-ghoul anymore. But he was. Is.”

“Yeeeah.” he sighs again. “And he showed interest to know me. They all did, but- As you said: water-ghoul.”

Wait. A-Am I-? Am I mad at him just like that? That he has something I don't? You hold that thought. Remembering previous night and- Rain, reaching out and touching your hand.“He tried.” you realize.

Now Dew shifts head to you.“What did he try?” he asks, although you can read it from his face that he knows. But he doesn't know what You mean by that.

“He was brave enough to try and close that gap between us.” your hand twitches as you remember that very touch, and the pain it sent through your body. “I had gotten closer first but- ...”

“You wanted it to. You still do.”

You do. You always wanted and you still do. “But I'm scared. I'm so scared of it.”

“You just said you had gotten closer to him first.” he sounds confused.

“Yeah but, that's not enough.” you explain. “I'd gotten closer because I wanted to and I would have moved even closer than I did, but I couldn't. I can never give enough! Enough of what I wish for and want to give- Him...” you turn away again. “What I'd want him to do...”

Another deep breath of the fire-ghoul. Rain doesn't mind. He thinks and wants to say it, but he decides not to. His head starts to hurt, but he's not done now. He had come to help you two. … But he didn't expect this to be so personal and close to him as well.

You can literally hear the fire-ghoul thinking. Investing so much of his energy, just for you. For Rain too, but- He's here. And realizing and accepting it- You grow that want to lie back as well and be on the same level as Dew, and not on your own anymore. It would be just so easy. Just- laying back and-- … What if I leave more space between?

You scoot a little to the side and- So fucking dumb, but it works! You don't even have to take a moment before you do. You just do. You lie on your back, with your fingers anxiously fiddling and clinging onto another. But you manage to meet Dews gaze again and-gosh, he looks relieved. Comforting. Even with those sharp fangs in his mouth and overall his demonic appearance. He is wearing a little, comforting, and proud smile.

“Yo.” he nods at you and- You laugh! You laugh.

“Hey.” smile back. Feeling so weird to laugh right now, but also grateful.

Your eyes lower to his ribs, covered by his shirt again. But inside your head, you see them. The deep scars on his skin. “How did you stop hating him? Rain.”

“And the others.” he corrects.

“But you hated him more.”

“Yeah, but that didn't really matter.” he says and meets your very confused look. “I changed. I had changed and had hated myself before. So- It didn't seem right for it all to be easy suddenly. Changing and-” he snaps with his fingers. “You feel more like yourself than you ever have and it's easy. Stuff goes smooth suddenly, all because of that.”

“Too easy.” you say. Realize. Where's the justice to all the suffering I've been through from before.

“Yeah... We'd never admit it, but- Attention. Genuine attention. Taking us, as we truly are. … Too easy for all hurt to be gone as if that was the solution all along.”

From all you'd expected to happen, as you joined this place- Laying next to a demon of Hell, on your bed, while talking about suffering from being lonely and hating yourself for changing and feeling better and being scared to let people close- ... To let them close, as they want to and as you want them to... Not even speaking of developing deep and strong feelings for another demon of Hell. Him, being your best friend and you being his. Dreaming of intertwining your fingers with his- falling asleep in his arms and- … And dreaming of kissing him. Kissing his cheek, and his forehead- His dark hair; Feeling his on you too. His skin on yours.

“Do you think I changed?” you eventually ask. His face turning to you again. His look, answering. “I did...” you speak it out. “Shit...”

“Yeah.” he agrees. Sounding almost amused about that shared experience. Both of you in their own way but- The same, in the end.

You want to ask Dew to bring Rain to yours. Or to call him over to yours but- No. you shake your head. No that isn't right. But what's right, is terrifying you. It's chilling as fuck!

“Urgh...” you sigh annoyed and exhausted now as well. Hiding your face with your hands.

“What is it?”

“I'm a coward.” that is all you respond, but the fire-ghoul gets it, once again.

He straightens up. “You want me to get him here; Or you, to his?”

“I'd rather the first” you admit and remove your hands with another sigh. “But the other is more fair and I want to be fair.”

“Fair is fair.” he agrees.

You don't say anything. Just look at him and this dumb smile, well aware of that stupid he sounded. But it works. You get up and take out some clothes from your drawer, before changing in your little bathroom. The pile of your clothes from last night, still lying in the corner. Your eyes not letting go of it, as you change; As you remember how you had felt just a few hours ago and what you had done. How you had hurt him and yourself...

One last look into the mirror. Your eyes still a little swollen and slightly reddish, irritated from all the crying. But leaving all that aside, you now look different. It's still your face but-; Or is it you, that sees yourself different now?

A knocking against the bathroom door. “You okay?” checks the fire-ghoul.

Instead of replying you open the door. Dew, right before you and relieved to see you. You're ready to leave. Almost!

“Will it hurt?” you ask. “Did it hurt for you, the first time they- H-Held you. When you leaned against them or- They held your hand? Did it hurt?”

Dew always radiates some warmth but- Now it is so soothing. So gentle and tender. “No.” he assures with a soft smile. “Only the fear hurt. It's only a second or two.”

“After that it's alright?” you ask, urgently.

“Yeah. I promise.”

The walk down to the ghoul wing... Or more like: Focusing on Dew, walking right ahead of you and noticing his ears twitching when only one of your steps sounds slightly different.

The common room that leads to the hallway connecting all their own rooms, is gladly empty. Which definitely has nothing to do with Mountain, shooing all of their pack out of the whole wing, the moment he sensed yours and Dews smell to get closer; All for you and Rain to have some time and room to be alone.

You don't know that of course. Neither do you know that Mountain is keeping watch for you and Dew to arrive; And for you, to enter Rains room.

Rain notices as you both stop in front his door. He heard your steps and caught your scent. But he doesn't move. He's frozen. The only thing moving, is the water dropping from his still wet hair; Showered and fresh clothes, sitting on the floor with his bass on his lap. One hand still holding the neck of it, the other, shutting the strings silent. Listening. Listening carefully. Hoping, you will knock at his door and enter.

But, this is even harder than you thought. You are frozen too. Not scared but- What shall you say after you knocked? Will he even reply?

Well, no time anymore to stress about that, since that very fire-ghoul takes the task and knocks on the door; And you don't know if you should thank him or run. All you feel is your heart dropping. But then, you hear something. Some sounds, like something was set aside.

“Who's there?” asks Rain although he knows very well. But he just wants to be sure. Not that it's you but, that you want to talk to him.

“I-It's me.” you answer and look over to Dew, who gesticulates you to continue “C-Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Of course. … So many times he had said it to you; Every time you asked him to bring you back to your room. Sounding sweet, gladly; Sometimes tired but always more than willing. But now, it sounds scared. He sounds scared.

Though, the door opens on it's own. 'On it's own'... That very fire-ghoul did it as well. Pushing it open, waving you inside. Stepping inside, he closes the door behind you and leaves.

And there he stands. Waiting for you. His eyes big blue, tired orbits. Drenched strands of his dark, slightly blue curls fall in his face. The dropping water already soaked his hoodie at his shoulders.

And there you. Standing in his room. Your nails anxiously scratching at your fingers- Scratching to hard “Argh-” you wince and stop.

Immediately, Rain is at yours. Observing you and your hand with enough distance, to not scare you away again. Oh how much he'd want to hold your hand and sooth that pain.

It's not a deep wound, but a mean one. The skin next to your fingernail scratched thin. And one bit, to deep. Not much blood escaping but it hurts.

You look at Rain and see his blown nostrils. He is still a ghoul. But he is still him.

He shakes his head and gets it together. “I'm sorry.” he apologizes and turns around. Walking to his nightstand and getting a little wooden box out, from which he pulls a band-aid.

Wordless he holds the end of it, for you to take it at the other end. And usually you would reach for it and bandage yourself. Usually. But not today.

“C-Could you- do it?”

Rain feels like he's gonna lose it. Positively! You're hurt, but You want Him to aid your wound. And he does it. Very carefully, to not touch you too much; With stiff shoulders and a tense breath. But you let him. And he aids you. You watch his fingers wrapping the band-aid around your shaking finger and carefully pressing the ends down. Only touching the band-aid. Not you. And somehow you feel a disappointing sting in your chest. Although you should be glad. Right? That's what you had wanted all this time. Right? … But now? No. It is not what you want. Not anymore.

“Thank you.” you say.

“Of course.” So soft and gentle and grateful. And again a sting is stinging right in your heart. Poking deeper and deeper into a seemingly endless depth that exists just to allow for more pain to grow. You fucking hate it. And you won't give any longer into it.

“Did you get some sleep last night?” you ask. Your hand burning to touch him. To move those dark curls out of his face.

“No.” he answers and immediately bites his tongue. He wouldn't want to lie to you, but also doesn't want you to worry.

“Did you play bass?” you hope.

“The pond.” he can't lie.

Another sting. The pond, where you and him had been and everything could have been so easy.

“Didn't it get cold, over night?”

“Not underwater.”

“Oh.” You went into the pond? You stayed there the whole night? You wonder, since his hair is drenched. But he smells like he had just showered, so you take a quick glance through the open door to his bathroom. A pile of clothes, completely drenched in his shower. Pond, the whole night. Shower and bass, this morning. … Shit... I did this... Your gaze turns to him again, meeting his. His beautiful blue eyes, framed by dark, dripping curls. I want to aid you too, Rain. I want to sooth you too.

Your hand reaches out on it's own. And as Rain sees it, he believes he is dreaming. That the lack of sleep caught up to him, but- As he blinks- As he opens his eyes, you are still there. Moving one strand out of his face. And then the next. And the last one.

There- My beautiful Rain...

“And you?” he asks, hoping you will stay close. “How did you sleep?” Not the best question, but the only one he can ask. The only thing he wonders.

“Not good.” you say. Quietly and with quivering lips. With tears, collecting in your eyes and about to overflow;

Such pain in your face. It hurts him to see but it's relieving too. You missed him too! He matters to you.

“I'm so sorry, Rain.” your voice, nothing but a quivering whisper- the tears winning. “I'm so sorry.”

“T's okay.” is all he says. And all he wants is to hold you. To hold you together. His body aches that he can't. His hands burn, that he can't cradle your face- That he can't hold you close. That he can't kiss your tears away and promise everything will be good.

“It's not. I'm sorry for pulling away and leaving you like this. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to but I did because I'm such a mess.”

“You are no mess, Y/N.” he interrupts. His hands already lifted- Wanting to hold your face and stop you from hating and torturing yourself.

“I Am!” you persist. “I want to be close to you, but I can't. I want to hold you and I want you to hold me- I want to touch you- I want to feel your skin on mine but- But I'm so scared.”

“What are you scared of?” so gentle. So tender his words. His eyes. Wanting nothing but you.

“That it wi-ll h-hurt.” you quiver. “Which is so stupid but-”

“And if I'll be careful?” he interrupts you. Still gentle and not letting you being so mean to yourself. His hand rising again, to your cheek- Needing to cradle you. “If I'll be very, very careful? Because there's nothing I want more right now, but to hold you. And I promise I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you.”

That hint of relief. It's there again. Still. Not leaving.

“I know you won't hurt me.” your voice so very very quiet. “Yes.” nodding. Allowing, asking for him to sooth you. “Please.”

He holds his breath as he does. As he does so, so careful. So gentle, his fingertips touching the side of your cheek. Your heaving chest halting- A scream ready in your throat to escape but- His hand. Gently cupping your face. The scream disappearing. Your chest lowering. The relief, staying.

“Is this okay?” he asks, just be sure, although he hears your heart. Although he knows.

“Yes.” you say.

“Do you want me to stop? I don't want you to be overwh-”

“No.” you interrupt and reach for his hand. “Don't. Don't stop. Please.”

His shoulders skin. Relief. Finally holding your face in his hands. Watching you closing your eyes and relaxing under his touch. Listening how your heartbeat steadies.

He doesn't notice how he gets closer and closer, until the tip of his nose touches yours. And for a moment he fears you will move away. But all what changes, is a sweet, soft smile painting your lips- And dares; One tiny bit closer, and rests his forehead against yours.

“Is this okay?” he whispers. Asks once again.

“Yes.” you whisper back. Your smile even growing. “Please hold me?”

Oh what a question. Rains heart jumps as he hears it. His chest starts to purr, just as lays his arms around you. Careful. Holding you closer and closer bit by bit.

“Is this okay?” he asks, again.

You nod and let go of face- Your hands clinging onto his chest, burying your face at him. “Don't let go.”

“I won't.” he promises, and holds you even more close. Burying his face your hair- Finally feeling and smelling it. “I won't.”

“I won't.” It echoes and echoes in your mind. His purring, echoing through your hands, into your chest, to your heart...

How long had you wanted this. How much you had craved and longed for this. So comforting. So gentle and safe. It seems so absurd now, how afraid you were. What were you even afraid of? How did that fear stay, even around Rain? And so intense! … And now, you rest your head against him- Hear him purr and breathe. He let you close. He wants you close. And you want him too.

You straighten up. He follows your movement, but doesn't let go of you. Waits and watches you, as you once more cradle his face; As you run your fingers through his wet hair and he closes eyes- Leaning into your touch. He is so wonderful. And you have so much to give. So much, you want to give, for so long, to him.

And you dare. Kiss his cheek, carefully. His purring stopping as you do. His opening- wide and- So full of longing.

And you dare again. Kiss him again. Your lips on his, so shy and careful. A purr, that almost sounds like a chirp, escaping him. Your first shared kiss.

As you lean away and look into his eyes again- It looks like all those stars from the night-sky are within them. So blissful- That you just don't want to withhold anymore.

“I love you, Rain.” you confess. Your heart so warm and about to burst. “I love you.”

He kisses you. Gentle and tender. “I love You.” he confesses at your lips. Leaning away to catch your whole face- All the warmth, radiating from you. His best friend. His Love. You.

So easy. To be held. To be loved. To be kissed. Your lips on mine. Your skin on mine.

*****

A/N:

This Part 2 simply happened because two people didn't 'forget' about my writing and showed their interest. Maybe that's what I needed.

I gotta be honest tho- I still don't know how I'm gonna continue with my writing. But it felt so good to hear people be interested and they liked it. I'm currently sick And got a lot of shit to do. But I wrote this. I made room for it. And maybe I also needed something to cope.

It's been really rough this week. Next month is gonna be- Idk how I'm supposed to manage it. I'm losing the last of my heritage. My family. And then it will be just me and it's terrifying because- it IS just me. … I guess that is why I needed to cling onto this part 2. Coping and comfort.

BUT! Enough with being emo. Thank you for reading <3 and shall we all receive such warmth and love.

#ghost fanfic #rain ghoul fanfic #rain ghoul x reader #rain fanfic #the band ghost fanfic

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