wawa-boonliang

[wawa-boonliang]

Tim, [pointing his staff at the human traffickers]: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED

Jason, [hyping him up]: WHAT?

Tim: OUTMANNED!

Jason: WHAT?!

Tim: OUTNUMBERED OUTPLANNED

Jason: PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!

Tim: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND

Jason: HAND EM OVER!!

Tim: THIS IS HAMILTON MY RIGHT HAND MAN!

Jason, [getting his guns out]: PWO PWO PWO PWO PWO-

Goons: *shaking* what the FUCK are Batman feeding his partners--

[wawa-boonliang]

Monster!Tim Coraline AU Idea

This idea would not leave me alone.

It’s a cross between a meta!/magic!Tim au and a Coraline au.

Before I get into it, I feel like I should explain.  I was on a bit of an Eldritch!Batfamily and Cryptid!Batfamily kick.  Then I found a collection of supernatural Tim aus.  Then I stumbled across a Coraline au.  There’s probably also some inspiration in there from vampire au fics.

It didn’t really jell until the idea occurred to me of a scene where some frightened villain asks Tim “What kind of monster are you?” and Tim says “The hungry kind.”

...

The idea is that somewhere back along the way, Tim’s family tree includes some kind of supernatural creature which may or may not have been an eldritch entity.

The supernatural heritage allows Tim to acquire abilities from other entities he has defeated, and Gotham is absolutely full of the supernatural if you pay attention.

Of course, Tim’s power isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.  It actually comes packaged with some pretty nasty side effects.

One of those side effects is perpetual Hunger.  Tim is always Hungry.  There is no way to stop it.  He eats enough to stay healthy, but he still feels Hunger at all times.  Increasing his food intake will not help and will screw up his metabolism and cause him to need more for normal function.  If this was allowed to spiral out of control it could eventually reach a point where he was physically unable to eat the amount of food he needed to function and starved to death on a full stomach. 

Fixing it is stupid hard because this particular sort of magical inheritance is really fucking inconvenient.  And, of course, whatever is up with his biology also makes him insanely susceptible to addiction, so no coffee for him unless he wants caffeine withdrawal symptoms all the time for however long it takes to fix that.  The constant Hunger also makes it difficult to get enough sleep.  Have you ever tried to go to sleep on an empty stomach?  Not easy, was it?  Imagine that every night.

The Hunger is fairly central to the nature of the magic.  Whatever supernatural entity he’s descended from, it is the Hungry kind.  The ritual of defeating another supernatural entity, taking a bit of the defeated entity’s power, and incorporating it into himself serves as a sort of metaphorical devouring, (and metaphors matter more to magic than they do to normal biology).  That’s why he’s able to gain power and abilities from defeated foes. 

...

Tim’s relationship with his parents is complicated.  His supernatural heritage comes from his mother’s side of the family.  She did her best to teach him about it and how to cope with it, but a lot of knowledge was lost over the generations due to persecution forcing those like them into hiding more than once.  There may have been a few individuals who spiraled out of control and caused small-scale famines before losing their lives.  It only takes a few cases for people to decide that a specific category of people is simply not worth the risk of having around.  Janet always referred to herself and Tim (as well as anyone else sharing the condition) as “those afflicted with Gluttony.”  This is the closest they have to a name for the condition.

One of the important things Janet Drake teaches her son is to pursue his passions.  It is incredibly important for individuals like them to have things outside the self that they can draw satisfaction and fulfilment from, things that keep them going in the face of the relentless Hunger.  This is what leads Tim to his night-time photography of Gotham, and eventually to his fascination with the Bats. 

Janet’s passions are archeology and travel.  Unfortunately, traveling from dig site to dig site is not a particularly stable or safe environment to raise a child in.  She needs to do these things to remain in good health.  Without her external coping mechanisms, she could start spiraling.  If she starts spiraling, it might trigger her son to start spiraling too because children in their developmental years are delicate, and this type of hereditary magic is fucking inconvenient (there might be ways of managing things that make it easier to live with, but between the knowledge lost and the risks that come with experimentation, they don’t have much info on how anything works).  She comes home as much as she can without the risk of compromising both their health.

She also taught Tim how to calculate appropriate portion sizes based on nutritional data so as not to screw up his metabolism, and how to fix it if he does mess up.  She also stayed and managed the process the first time it happened because the process of returning the metabolism of one afflicted with Gluttony to normal after it’s gotten out of hand is difficult and unpleasant and Tim wasn’t old enough to handle it by himself.  The nanny that had overfed him hadn’t been malicious or unreasonable, she’d just been operating on the assumption that he had standard human biology.  It took months to get Tim healthy again.  It took several hefty bribes to keep things under wraps.  Janet doesn’t know if there are still people out there hunting their kind, but she’s not willing to risk it.

Janet may not know about the aspect of the family magic that lets them gain powers from defeating other entities.  It’s possible that she was holding off on explaining this until he was older and more ready for the responsibility of multiple superpowers.  It’s also possible that the knowledge got lost somewhere along the way and Janet didn’t discover it herself because she didn’t spend her childhood running around Gotham at night and was more the sort of person who would stay home and read when she had trouble sleeping.

...

Tim discovers his ability to gain abilities from defeating other supernatural things fairly early on.  The type of defeat can vary, but it has to be something of significance.  A fight will work for most, but there are other particular challenges that will work for specific cases.

The first things a young Tim is able to beat are these small things, invisible to most, that gain power from learning secrets.  What that power is used for, I couldn’t tell you.  They don’t seem to do much other than sneak around and learn secrets.  Tim doesn’t know if there’s a proper name for these things or not, but he calls them Secret Hunters.  They are absolutely everywhere in Gotham. 

Secret Hunters are invisible to most, but Tim is able to see them.  It might be because of his own supernatural nature, or it might be something else entirely.  If it’s hereditary it must have skipped his parents’ generation.  Neither of them seem to be able to see them.  Tim gains improved stealth and a sense for when something is hidden from catching Secret Hunters until they wise up and start avoiding him.  (Catching them works in place of a fight because secret hunters primarily operate on stealth and evasion.)

He can’t just magically know secrets, but he can tell when there is a secret.  (He still figured out Batman’s and Robin’s secret identities on his own merit.  The most this ability would have done is alert him to the fact that they had secret identities if that hadn’t already been obvious from the fact that they were wearing masks.)

He also gets various other abilities from other things he encounters while scrambling all over Gotham at night.  Nearly doesn’t get out of some of the scrapes he gets himself into.  He gains the ability to cut with his fingernails as if they were razors from something that nearly killed him.  He gains the ability to climb like a goat from a Jersey Devil.  Etc.

...

At some point, Tim is targeted by a beldam.  He doesn’t get the kind of warnings that Coraline does, but his ability to sense secrets lets him know that the Beldam is hiding something, and any child raised in any part of Gotham knows to be suspicious of things that seem too good to be true.  Tim doesn’t have a convenient seeing stone from the neighbor, but he does have the advantage of his own supernatural nature which the Beldam doesn’t know about.

Tim finds a button-eyed doll that looks like him after his parents leave on yet another trip, and thinks it’s a gift they meant to give him before leaving.  They do often bring interesting souvenirs.  It wouldn’t be at all unusual for them to find an artist who sews dolls to look like people and have one made based on pictures of him.  Later on, he discovers the key. 

This Beldam is older and more powerful than the one from Coraline.  She has more power and more past victims to work with, so she’s able to make a larger, more populated world. 

Oh by the way, I head-canon that the Other versions of people in the Other world are actually past victims of the Other Mother, remade and dressed up for whatever role she has them play.  The three ghosts were just the three most recent and not fully processed for use yet.  That’s why the Others are able to act against her sometimes (Other Wybie saving Coraline from the mirror, Other Father tossing the eye to Coraline) or say things she doesn’t want them too (Other Father says “so sharp you won’t feel a thing” and Other Mother kicks him under the table).

The Other Mother doesn’t know all that Tim knows, so the Other World has inconsistencies like Other Batman and Other Robin sitting across the table from Other Bruce and Other Jason.  She doesn’t know they’re the same people.  She just knows that they’re all important to Tim.  She also tries to tell him to “eat as much as he wants” when his real mother was the one to explain the dangers of attempting to eat to fullness for people with their condition.

There isn’t a cat to warn Tim but he doesn’t need it.  He can sense hidden intentions in everything, and he’s fully capable of uncovering the hidden secrets himself. 

Tim doesn’t have a cat, but he does have Other Robin, who might have been made from whatever remained of someone close to one of the people mirrored in the Other World made for Tim.  He doesn’t remember his life, but somehow he feels incredibly motivated to help a boy who cares dearly for whoever and is willing to let him know that they're living a good life out there in the real world.

Tim discovers the nature of the other world and sets out to free the souls trapped there.  He fights the Beldam will all the viciousness and desperation of someone who knows they’ve only got one shot.  He takes everything he can from this fight as he makes sure she won’t ever hurt anyone again.  He doesn’t stop until the beldam is well and truly dead.  Then he unravels Other Gotham and spills all of the souls out into the world where they can move on and rest.

This is how Tim learns to Sew.  He can’t make entire populated worlds like the beldam, but that’s mostly because he refuses to do what she did.  He can control things he’s made (though there’s limits on how much) and even see through buttons he’s sewn (onto cushions and such, he's not the Other Mother).  He also gets some minor illusory powers that let him make things look a bit brighter/nicer/cheerier than they are.  It takes quite some time before he’s comfortable with using these powers.  Trauma is a bitch like that.

Part of the reason this version of Tim was so desperate to do something about Batman losing it out of grief is because he already has Evil Batman trauma from Other Batman, and he doesn’t need that shit happening in real Gotham.

By this point Tim has a collection of powers that allow him to navigate the more dangerous parts of Gotham largely without fear.  Now he has to learn how to manage without using any that he isn’t one hundred percent certain he can sneak past Batman, which means he’ll have to divide his attention between learning from the training and not letting himself do things the supernatural way.  This is going to suck.

It does, in fact, suck.

Oh, it turns out some of the rogues are a bit supernatural.  He gains a bit of an intuitive understanding of the health of plants from Ivy.  He gains the ability to taste emotions from Scarecrow.  (Also, Johnathan Crane is a freaking weirdo, fear tastes like spoiled milk!)  The rogues with supernatural tendencies are freaking terrified of the new Robin because he always seems like he wants to freaking eat them.  The non-supernatural types don’t get it.

Eventually, Red hood breaks into Titan’s tower.  Tim, by this point, is very good at deciphering how supernatural entities work and is packing an extensive inventory of powers.  He realizes quickly that this is some kind of manipulative entity that feeds on rage and pain attached to an unwitting host.  When he realizes that the unknowing (and therefore unconsenting) host is Jason Todd, he tells the Lazarus Entity in no uncertain terms to give Jason back or perish.

Jason, who does not realize he has a malicious, mind-warping, supernatural parasite and believes there to be no one other than himself and Tim present, is understandably confused.

Tim decides that the Lazarus entity has had its chance and springs into action.

Jason is treated to the terrifying sight of just what Tim Drake is like when he’s not expending conscious effort on not being something out of a horror movie.  Suddenly he’s in the middle of a spider’s web and no matter how hard he tries to fight back everything around him is under the control of his opponent.  Furniture flies around on puppet strings.  Getting too close puts him in range of the freaking claws this kid apparently has!?  Trying to get away just leaves him caught in strings and the more he struggles the more entangled he becomes!  The new Robin is skittering and gliding around in a decidedly inhuman way. 

Jason honestly thinks he's going to die when he finds himself bound with Tim standing over him.  He passes out when Tim rips the Lazarus entity away from him and destroys it. 

Tim gains the ability to heal from defeating the Lazarus entity.

Jason is surprised and confused when he wakes up bundled in a handmade quilt with his head in Tim’s lap and a cool compress on his forehead, feeling sore but more well and whole than he has since before he died.

Jason later decides that his memories of the fight at Titans Tower must be some kind of weird fever dream caused by his body purging the last of the Lazarus Water from his system. It goes along with Tim's account of things.

According to Tim, Jason entered the tower, initiated a lock-down, and then collapsed on the floor. Then, Tim moved him closer to a wall where he was less likely to get stepped on than in the middle of the walkway and did his best to take care of him there because Jason was simply too large and heavy for him to carry all the way to the med bay by himself.

This is far more believable and less of a mind screw than what Jason remembers. Obviously this tiny, baby-faced kiddo who played nursemaid for a stranger who broke into the tower and now looks up at him with wide, starry eyes couldn't actually be the terrifying, predatory creature from the nightmare. It was all just a bad dream.

He's honestly glad he collapsed before he had time to do any harm. The poor kid will never have to know what Jason went there to do. Jason knows, though, and he'll do his damned best to make up for it. He may have flubbed first impressions, but he is going to be the best damn big brother that ever big brothered.

...

Tim might or might not go full on feral cryptid when Bruce is lost in the Timestream. I haven't decided. He will probably pick a fight with the Lazarus Pit much to the confusion and alarm of everyone around.

That’s all I’ve got so far.

[wawa-boonliang]

On the subject of Damian and the axolotl, I feel like people do send him pictures of animals and stuff and he gives a rating, idk tho

Stranger: I thought you'd like to know that Lacey had her puppies. *sends a pic*

Damian: For once, a mother who should be proud. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: *sends a derpy cat pic* This is my cat Momo, short for Movie-Theater Mozzarella-Sticks. He just turned 3 and likes to eat pillow feathers.

Damian: Truly the cat of all time. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I think I saw Krypto the Superdog on my way to work. *sends blurry video of Krypto flying*

Damian: There goes Metropolis's hero. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: *sends a pic of a lizard in a pointy hat* This is King Gizzard, my lizard, as a wizard for Halloween.

Damian: I would give him all my candy. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: *sends a video of their parrot*

The parrot: Polly loves crackers and Damian.

Damian: Tell Polly I love her too. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: Bruh there are so many gophers at Gotham U. *sends pic of gophers chilling in the quad*

Damian: 10/10. Good for them, living their best life.

———————

Stranger: Do fish count? If so here's Bubbles. *sends video of a goldfish*

Damian: They absolutely do. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I went to my aunt's farm and got to ride the horses. Meet Dash. *sends Instagram story with a horse*

Damian: A fine specimen. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: Opinions on this stingray? *sends scuba diving footage*

Damian: Superb. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I found a worm. What should I name him? *sends pic*

Damian: He looks like a Kevin. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: This is me and my stepdad with the hens we've been raising. *sends pic*

Damian: What lovely ladies. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I went to a butterfly garden today. *sends video of a butterfly landing on their hand*

Damian: Stunning. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I just got back from a safari. *sends album of savannah herds*

Damian: Next time take me with you. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: *sends a Ratatouille GIF*

Damian: Don't tell my family but I'm training my rats to do the same. 10/10 by the way.

———————

Stranger: This is Herbie, our class bunny. *sends a pic with the teacher fumbling in the background*

Damian: He looks more intelligent than your teacher. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: *sends pic* Got bored and bought a frog. I'm naming him Toad.

Damian: I hope your life is as dull as ever. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: Tzu Tzu keeps leaving her laundry everywhere. *sends video of a snake shedding its skin*

Damian: You're her assistant. Do your job. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I finally got a hamster!! *sends video*

Damian: Now treat them like royalty and get yourself some tubing. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: Ideas for decorating my hermit crab's shell? For context his name is Juan and he likes the color yellow. *sends pic*

Damian: I suggest black and gold. 10/10.

———————

Stranger: I saw a turtle on my morning walk. *sends a pic*

Damian: Ethereal. 10/10.

———————

Bruce: *sends a family photo*

Damian: *blocks and reports*

[wawa-boonliang]

I DIED

[wawa-boonliang]

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

[wawa-boonliang]

"Father ngl you are not currently slaying"

Headcanon: Damian only learned formal english in the league but while he lives with the Batfam he is constantly picking up slang from Tim and Steph. So over time he starts to speak in a weird combination of slang and formal english. He walks in the room one day after Steph was injured on a mission and says: "I believe Stephanie has girlbossed too close to the sun." Tim is convinced he's on something and Bruce has to look up what a Girlboss is. Steph is so proud and Jason is cackling in the background

[wawa-boonliang]

He's literally just there to pay the bill, but Jason takes it as a personal attack because of course he does

#batman #batbros #jason todd #bruce wayne #Jason Todd ain’t never getting comfort #dccomics #Jason Todd

[wawa-boonliang]

Y’all think about those rare times when Batman talks about his sons before they were introduced to the justice league he talks bout his ‘babies’

Batman: ahh yes nightwing, he’s my little boy. Always is full of energy. I love him. He’s just a happy little boy. In fact I have called him here and there he is, my little boy, a bundle of joy he is.

Nightwing: *a fully grown man and almost the size of Batman himself* hey guys :D

JL: that’s not a little boy???

Batman: *pointing to red hood* this is my baby, he’s just a precious baby and I love him so, he is fragile so please don’t make contact. He’s so cute and precious, he’s my precious baby boy.

Redhood: *a 6’2 man, absolutely covered in guns and is the size (if not slightly bigger) then Batman himself, glaring at all of them* don’t talk shit b

Batman: language.

JL: THATS NOT A BABY BOY???

Batman: this is my other son, he is my little genius. He’s so full of innocence and so pure, I love him dearly. Don’t be fooled by that stare, he’s so full of love he can hardly contain it. In fact he is friend shape.

Red robin: *staring down the JL with his Batman glare, already in a fighting stance* I will not hesitate

JL: I do not feel safe

Batman: this is robin, my son. He is very nice, though he might pick at you slightly, he is harmless. He can be prickly be warned but overall he is such a lovely baby and I love him so much

Robin: *gripping his swords, glaring at them ready to fight*

JL: oh my god we’re gonna die

[wawa-boonliang]

Y’all think about those rare times when Batman talks about his sons before they were introduced to the justice league he talks bout his ‘babies’

Batman: ahh yes nightwing, he’s my little boy. Always is full of energy. I love him. He’s just a happy little boy. In fact I have called him here and there he is, my little boy, a bundle of joy he is.

Nightwing: *a fully grown man and almost the size of Batman himself* hey guys :D

JL: that’s not a little boy???

Batman: *pointing to red hood* this is my baby, he’s just a precious baby and I love him so, he is fragile so please don’t make contact. He’s so cute and precious, he’s my precious baby boy.

Redhood: *a 6’2 man, absolutely covered in guns and is the size (if not slightly bigger) then Batman himself, glaring at all of them* don’t talk shit b

Batman: language.

JL: THATS NOT A BABY BOY???

Batman: this is my other son, he is my little genius. He’s so full of innocence and so pure, I love him dearly. Don’t be fooled by that stare, he’s so full of love he can hardly contain it. In fact he is friend shape.

Red robin: *staring down the JL with his Batman glare, already in a fighting stance* I will not hesitate

JL: I do not feel safe

Batman: this is robin, my son. He is very nice, though he might pick at you slightly, he is harmless. He can be prickly be warned but overall he is such a lovely baby and I love him so much

Robin: *gripping his swords, glaring at them ready to fight*

JL: oh my god we’re gonna die

[wawa-boonliang]

funniest 'Jason Todd comes back as red hood and starts talking to the bats without telling that he is, in fact, Jason Todd' trope is where Red Hood starts becoming minorly friendly with the bats and lets slip that Jason Todd is indeed still alive, but not that he is him.

now this can result in multiple outcomes, however i think the funniest possible version is the version where while Dick is bemoaning about the loss of his little brother and how great Jason is and how he wants to talk to him again, and without a second of hesitation Red Hood just nods his head and goes 'oh yeah, hottest robin by far, too. sexy as shit, that guy is.'

this results in the entire bat family fully believing that Jason Todd was somehow revived and taken to the LOA where he met and fell in love with this murderous assassin known as Red Hood, and the two are currently in a relationship.

Jason, petty and pissed at his family, decides: holy shit that's funny. and he goes along with it, meaning there are multiple occasions where we get interactions such as

Batman, brooding on a rooftop: the second Robin... he has always had such a big heart.

Red Hood, cartwheeling in the background: big dick too, godDAMN

Batman: i am begging you to stop.

---

Nightwing: you're DATING my little brother? AND YOU WONT LET US TALK TO HIM?

Red Hood, full of shit: he's too busy visiting venues for our wedding next autumn. and before you ask, no, you're not invited.

Nightwing:

Batman: you mean to tell me, you're marrying my son, and you won't allow us to be at the wedding?

Red Hood: Jason's decision.

Batman:

Red Hood: Green Arrow's walking him down the isle

Batman: ok thats it-

---

Red Robin: so is your fiance happy about all this crime lord murder stuff?!

Red Hood: my future trophy husband understands that if he's going to be able to sit and look pretty for me, then I need to bring home some serious cash, now stop interrupting my work.

Red Robin:

Red Hood:

Red Hood: for real tho, Jason's so hot-

Red Robin: STOP IT

bonus scene:

Dick: Damian, did you know about this?

Damian, hasn't been paying attention: know about what?

Dick: Jason's engaged to Red Hood!

Damian:

Damian, knows full well Jason is full of shit because he grew up with the guy in the league:

Damian: hes what now

Jason in the background: *violently gesturing death threats*

Damian:

Damian: yes. i'll be travelling home in the fall to be the flower boy. I believe Todd has already picked out my suit.

Dick:

that christmas, Bruce Wayne receives a card with an obviously photoshopped Red Hood that's got his arm around Jason's shoulders, who also has a photoshopped wedding dress on. Damian is stood in front of them, a 'just married' banner in his hands, looking very much like he was paid to be there.

Dick never forgives Jason for making him think that Alfred was invited to the wedding and he wasn't.

[wawa-boonliang]

thinking about the batkids annoying each other and one of them just go "god i was an only child before bruce i miss it so much"

and then there's just a collective agreement and they're all staring at each other in silence after because somehow they forgot NONE of them had siblings before this

[wawa-boonliang]

Instead of asking his children to protect Gotham, Bruce's final request is "Please don't let your brother become a super villian"

And none of them are sure which one he's referring to.

[wawa-boonliang]

[wawa-boonliang]

why do i imagine the batfam finally meeting the league and then one of them going 'how the fuck do you have so many kids?' and little shit Jason goes 'well, when two people love each other very much...' and because Bruce doesn't wanna listen to this, he tiredly reminds Jason: 'you're adopted' which naturally means that Jason is going to dramatically pretend that this is the first time he's heard that and how could Bruce keep this from him, much to the horror of the league and the exasperation of Bruce

[wawa-boonliang]

he will use every chance he gets to be a drama queen and if he doesnt have one he will create one

[wawa-boonliang]

the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?

Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??

Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.

Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.

Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.

[wawa-boonliang]

Damian: Baba. I’ve acquired an enemy at the academy. He’s been ripping my drawings, teasing me about my lineage, and smearing your honor. I understand murder can’t happen. How shall I proceed?

Bruce: [Has a flashback of Thomas driving to his bully’s house, spiked brass knuckles on his hands, petting his head and smiling dangerously, ‘I’ll be right back, chum!’]

Bruce: …I’ll talk to his parents.

Damian: Todd?

Jason: Finally, an excuse to tackle a 10 year old.