wilsonthecrimepossum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

To do list:

Screamin'

Schemin'

Crawling on your ceiling

#wilson the crime possum #crime #criminal #be gay do crimes #arson <3

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

I came here to eat trash and do crime and nobody I've met has been a fan of it.

#wilson the crime possum #crime #criminal #be gay do crimes #eat trash #forklift certified

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

I bring a sort of "I'll bite your ankles" vibe to the water park that slide queuers just don't like.

#wilson the crime possum #crime

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

After eating my fair share, I can confirm that every bite of the birthday cake was delicious, thanks for inviting me.

#childs birthday party #happy 7th birthday Timmy #Wilson:2 Child:0 #wilson the crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Is setting fires illegal? Because the people who used to live in the house did not have a sense of humour about the situation.

#orphanage #burn baby burn #wilson the crime possum #crime #arsonist #aggravated arson #arson <3 #be gay do crimes #be gay commit arson

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Is eating popcorn a crime? Because I was just treated very rudely by the paramedics at the scene of the incident.

#free entertainment #wilson the crime possum #crime #crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

People assume I overhear everything because I live in their walls. They'd be right.

#wilson the crime possum #crime #criminal #i live in your walls

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Bitches say "make yourself at home" then be mad when I chew their drywall.

#just a bit of drywall #as a treat #wilson the crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

The lack of dentistry in Jaws was very disappointing.

#shark dentist #crime possum #terrible documentary #wilson the crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Everyone's all "follow your dreams", "persue your passions" till your passions are word art and tax fraud.

#wilson the crime possum #crime #be gay do crimes #tax fraud #fraud #crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Chat shit, get bit.

Wilson: 1, Child: 0

#wilson the crime possum #crime #crime possum #dont touch my cheese

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Turns out there was a judge in this state willing to sentence a marsupial.

#convict #escape #on the run #flawless disguise #sponsored by spirit halloween #marsupial monday #wilson the crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Your honor I did my due diligence when I labeled the button "Do Not Push"

#bomb #crater #red button #childrens play yard #wilson the crime possum #crime #the glitter proves nothing

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Paul Blart Mall Cop is a horror movie.

#paul blart #segway #the one cop I fear #fish want him felons fear him #wilson the crime possum #crime

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Did you know you could build a bomb with these 3 common household items?

Glitter, Glue, A bomb.

#5 minute crafts #25 to life #here's one I made earlier #wilson the crime possum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Come on down to Bass Pro Stores where the fish are free if you steal them.

#wilson the crime possum #crime #criminal #be gay do crimes #crime possum #theft #acab

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

what is a crime possum?

Imagine an elf in the shelf except instead of an elf he's north americas only marsupial, instead of childish mischief he commits category 1 felonies, and instead of being an assistant to Santa Claus he answers to no man.

#Elf on the shelf #Crime #Criminal #Wilson the Crime Possum #Fraud #tax fraud #possum