beenbrokenbear

[beenbrokenbear]

Flunking out and graduating.

I got an email on thursday informing me that I had officially flunked out of college. I know you graduated today and I am very proud of(for) you. I can get my situation figured out. I will be okay I guess someday. I am very happy for you and your success. I am. I just always miss the fuck out of you. I still live with regret and with pain just as steady as a clock tocks and ticks. The sun is guaranteed to rise in the morning just as I am guaranteed to spend all day in regret and pain. If you ever see this Tumblr I want you to know that at any moment I would be back to that rough driveway. As fast as I could go.

[beenbrokenbear]

Honeysuckles on a breeze.

Last night outside of work I could smell my favorite flower coming in with the spring. We would pick a few in your yard and feed them to our gray boy. He would devour them with a respectable gusto. Tonight the honeysuckles were heavy in the air and it made my heart heavy to think about it. I do not know how long I will feel so bad but I do hope that eventually honeysuckles wont break my heart.

#Honeysuckles #spring #regret #remorse #eternal love #babyfawn

[beenbrokenbear]

Sleepless Nights: Memories of Better Days

Another sleepless night. What does it even matter at this point? If I dont sleep I spend all night thinking about you and if I do sleep its just dreams of me crying out for you, begging for you, and missing you. The days after those dreams are the worst. I wake up and feel like I just lost you again. People ask me why I sleep so long and I tell them I do not know. The truth is I sleep so long because it is in those gentle nightmares that I can see you.

#Dreams #sorrows #poetry #writing #sadness #life #anime

[beenbrokenbear]

Its 2 am and I might be lonely.

Its 2am and I should be with you. You should be with me. Nights like these (and by these I mean all of them) you should be with me. I regret the things that happened and I will forever hate myself for moving out. It was not an easy decision to make. Moving out wasnt easy but it was a hell of a lot easier than moving on. I miss you little deer and I wish you missed me too.

[beenbrokenbear]

So proud.

You are graduating soon. With honors and such. I am so very proud of you. I wish I could tell you this much. I still long for you. I still wish things were different. I still wish we were each others favorite. I still wish you were my little fawn. I should have loved you harder. I should have loved you better. Then maybe your love would have been stronger and I could have held you just a little longer.

[beenbrokenbear]

Outlines

Throughout my day I can see a perfect image of you in the corner of my eye. When I finish a bowl and plave it on the counter I say with unspoken words "thas cashed" and I can see you sitting across your large bedside table. When I am driving I see you curled up in my passenger seat but I am not singing terrible songs to you any more. When I am laying in bed alone I at times see your beauty glowing softly in a blue hue.

[beenbrokenbear]

Its like waves.

Every day I miss you. Some days I really fucking miss you.

[beenbrokenbear]

All day. This day. Every day.

I have cried out for you all day. Internally I have wept this day. I want my life back every day.

#Feelings #regret #remorse #love #writing #poems #poetry

[beenbrokenbear]

Some of the art in Williams Street at the Adult Swim Secret Headquarters.

#adult swim #sealab 2021 #420 #anime #bobs burgers #rick and morty #space ghost #cartoon network #fishcenter live

[beenbrokenbear]

Me and Hamburger just hanging out inside Williams Street.

#adult swim #fishcenter #hamburger main man #fishcenterlive #420 #anime #wouldvebeencoolerwithyou

[beenbrokenbear]

I still check.

I still check my email when I wake up and again before I sleep. If you find the time can you give me back myself? It seems I forgot me at your house the last time I left..

#Misery #emotion #emotions #420 #ourday

[beenbrokenbear]

The more I look at you, the more I realize how much of silly mess you are. How you still shine brighter than the first light, guiding me through the dark. And how I love you even more, each day as it comes.

Lukas W. // First light (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

[beenbrokenbear]

The start of documenting

I have seen your shit-post tumblr and the vague things you are posting. They may as well read @my.exboyfriend. The thought of knowing that you are thinking about me if only briefly tears me apart. 7 years is a long time to spend with someone. 7 months without them seems like an eternity. Everyday a lifetime instead of a 24 hour period. I will never forget you and the good times we had.

#misery #alone #tired #regrets #remember #anime #futurama #grieving