lostlimerence

[lostlimerence]

From windbreaker animation director X account

[lostlimerence]

Hiya! 😁. Was wondering (and if you wanted to do it) I have a bit of an idea involving Billy Hargrove & fem!reader/oc who have been dating, or have dated and it's a bit rocky atm, Billy is a bit of dick at a party they're at so reader/oc (in a band and stuff like Eddie, plays guitar) smugly yet with attitude sings and dedicates "I hate myself for loving you" by Joan Jett to him .. watching him get even more pissed and possibly storm off, lol.

Hello lovely anon!

Thank you so so much for reaching out with this request! I am so flattered to be asked to write for you. However, (and this is completely my own hang up and nothing to do with you lovely) I just can’t get myself into the right mindset to write reader or oc fics - and I think this is a testament to my capabilities as a writer — I’m not skilled enough to flesh out ocs or reader inserts to a point where I am happy with what I have produced.

If you have any requests with ships like Billy/steve/eddie or Eddie/billy, Billy/steve etc I’d be happy to write something for you (if you look under my stranger things tag my writing for them is there)! I think for your oc/reader requests it would be better to go to someone who is really amazing at bringing them to life!

#billy hargrove #stranger things #writing #mungrove #harringrove #fic #harringroveson #steve harrington #eddie munson #metalsandwich #ask

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Not becoming an Eddie/Steve/Billy fic rec channel buuuut everyone needs to read this too 😂

A Language of Our Own by floating_heads

Beautiful dynamic between the three, amazing writing and characterisation.

Chapter 3 in particular is just perfection - Eddie and Steve handling Billy in one of his most vulnerable moments (coming to them after Neil) - Eddie showing Steve what Billy sometimes needs gods it’s just perfection- so raw, so real.

Another rec go reaaaadd and give love!

#billy hargrove #fic #stranger things #writing #mungrove #harringrove #harringroveson #steve harrington #eddie munson #metalsandwich #fic rec #beautiful writing

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Wanting to enjoy a bit of steddie fic (just like I do harringrove, mungrove and harringroveson) but the prevalence of Billy hate/2D evil monster, villian or evil ex-Billy in a good chunk of them has really turned me away from the ship as a stand-alone….

#billy hargrove #fic #stranger things #writing #harringroveson #metalsandwich

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Billy/steve/eddie fic rec alert:

People please please go and read this fic by Florentium - I’ve just stumbled across it and oh my fucking god the writing is stunning, the characterisation is amazing, character dynamics between the three ugh - you will not be disappointed - show this author some lovvveee!!

#billy hargrove #fic #stranger things #writing #mungrove #harringroveson #metalsandwich #steve harrington #eddie munson #harringrove #Billy/eddie/steve #billy/steve #Billy/eddie #fic rec #read this people!

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The Periphery

He starts on the periphery of their world.

Blonde, beautiful and brutal. That’s how Eddie described him one night, joint in hand, heady smoke thickening the air. Steve had snorted, choking a little on an inhale, “ever the poet eh?” Eddie’s gaze had slid from the hazy night sky and locked onto Steve “always darling,” he’d said with a quirk of his lip, a look that had dropped straight to Steve’s gut, coiling and warming in a way that made him squirm, made the back of his neck heat, made his toes curl a little. It was a feeling he was getting used to desperately trying to dissipate as of late, that night he’d done it by asking why the fuck they were talking about Billy Hargrove, though of course it was a question he’d known the answer to.

Ever since Max’s hospitalisation, everyone, family and friends, had become hyper-vigilant. She was never alone, Steve felt for the girl, she must’ve been feeling completely smothered. Said smothering meant that whenever she came over to Steve’s with the others (which was a lot) a begrudging Billy Hargrove would appear in tow now too.

The first time he’d turned up the tension that’d shot through the room had been stifling, Steve had clenched his teeth on a grin, unsure of his next move, complicated feelings had churned in his stomach as his fingers dug hard into the doorframe. The room was a grenade, and he’d seen Dustin gearing up to pull the pin, luckily Max had gotten there first. With the authority of an army general the girl had scanned the room with unseeing eyes, opened her mouth and barked “you want me here, he has to be here too you fucktards, no complaints. Ok?” she’d raised a brow as mumbles of affirmation had echoed around the room.

Then she’d shoved further into the room asking what takeout they were getting that night, seemingly satisfied that everyone would be tolerating her step-brothers presence. Billy had remained in the doorway until Steve had realised he needed to move to let him in, which he had, Billy had mumbled an awkward thanks placed himself in a seat at the edge of the room and then promptly ignored all of them.

So that was that. Suddenly there he was on the periphery, the boundary of their world, of everything they’d been doing for the past few weeks.

Tonight, he stands in the threshold between the lounge and the kitchen, silently watching Eddie’s Dungeon Master performance. His lip is split and his jaw is purpling, perfectly highlighting the ‘brutal’ part of Eddie’s epithet. Steve’s kind of joined him tonight on the periphery, because when Eddie commands a room he does it completely, this is his stage, he’s captivating, enthralling and Steve can see even Billy can’t help being pulled in a bit.

Steve has never understood the game, doesn’t pretend to, so he doesn’t notice the mistake when El enters the room to announce “next time I would like to play and I would like to be a turtle.” eyes wide and hopeful, hesitant smile aimed at Eddie, who is so soft for all the children, and looks ready to burst with joy at the idea of a new player. He’s about to answer when an unexpected voice enters the ring, “you mean Tortle,” it comes out in a low rumble but it permeates the room, Billy looks shocked he’s said it, Eddie spins towards him with an “Oh,” and Steve swears to god he can see his pupils dilate a little when his eyes land on the blonde, a smirk stretching over his face as he says “after weeks the brooding barbarian speaks!” and Billy isn’t immune to the intensity of that gaze because where Steve expected a rage filled ‘shut the fuck up Munson’ instead they get a mumbled, almost embarrassed “just play your fucking game Munson.” The tips of his ears are a little pink, which Steve thinks is actually a bit cute. To his credit Eddie doesn’t keep him in the spotlight, he lets his gaze linger a little longer before telling El that of course she can be a Tortle next time, then promptly jumping back into his manic tirade.

Steve doesn’t know exactly what compels him, maybe it’s the slight show of embarrassment, the crazy revelation that bad boy Billy Hargrove might know much more than he’s let on about the nerdiest game Steve has ever seen, but he takes a step over and simply says “beer?” eyebrow raised in question, and Billy looks a little shocked at this too but he nods, grumbles a “yes,” and before he knows it Steve is leaning against the living room wall with the ‘brutal barbarian,’ sharing a beer watching the manic Dungeon Master attempt to end the game for the night.

Once he’s managed, Billy immediately calls out for Max who groans loudly ready to start her, usually futile, begging to stay longer. Billy looks ready to say his usual piece too, they need to be back in time for dinner, in time for curfew, because apparently their parents are really strict, something Steve sometimes wishes he had from his own parents, because then at least he would know they cared.

This time though the usual flow of the play is interrupted “woah hold on there, you should stay, have another beer, let the kid eat some more pizza, hmm?” Eddie has a way of saying things so convincingly, that Steve is nodding along though he’s not even sure that this is the best idea. Billy looks torn, has a little conflicted frown on his face as he deliberates, and Steve for some reason is overcome with the need, the want for the blonde to stay with them a little longer too. So he pipes up “yeah why not stay? One for the road?,” and the combined weight of their expectant looks seems to convince Billy because he sighs and says, “One hour shitbird, and you fucking explain to Neil when we get back,” absently thumbing the bruise on his jaw. Steve’s not one hundred percent sure who Neil is, he’d thought Billy’s biological link in their family was the dad and Max’s the mum but maybe he’d mixed that up, he doesn’t let himself dwell on it.

The next hour passes quickly, they learn that some of Billy’s friends back in California played dnd, though he’d insisted he’d never played himself, something Eddie refused to believe. They talk and talk and fall into such an easy rhythm that the trio don’t notice that the hour is up until Max clears her throat “Billy it’s been an hour,” and she looks a little nervous, suddenly she’s not a kid desperate to stay for pizza she’s one anxious to get home. The flip is perplexing, maybe her anxiety has increased since the hospitalisation, it would make sense, whatever it is Billy seems to get it, he gets up from the kitchen island grabs his leather jacket and they both head to the door with haste. Eddie and Steve stumble after them ready to wave them off. The tips of Billy’s ears are a little red again as he gives a hasty goodbye, shoving Max out the door and towards the Camero.

“Hmm blonde obviously, beautiful absolutely, but maybe not quite as brutal as we think ey Stevie?” Eddie mumbles eyes locked on the retreating form. Steve has experienced first hand the brutal side of Billy Hargrove, he knows it’s there bubbling under the surface, but he can’t help but be intrigued by their experience with the guy tonight. His easy laugh, his gentle charm, maybe there’s something more to him, he turns to Eddie with a little grin, “hmm I still think barbarian fits him, a beautiful barbarian maybe?” he jokes, Eddie smiles back “we’ll make a poet of you yet, darling,” he chuckles low as they turn to watch the Camero speed off into the night.

[lostlimerence]

To anyone who has watched naruto and loves fics - this series is untouchable - the skill Rayne has is something I can’t even articulate properly.

The relationships, the characterisation, the INSANE plot - it is all just a master-class in writing.

I had never even considered Shikaneji as a pairing before and BTB has quite literally altered my brain to the point that for me it is canon that everything in these works happened.

One of my all time favourite authors (fic and book) ever.

Wait... There's more btb? What did I miss? Tell me more, please?

Hey there, luv! Not sure which parts you might have missed, so I'm posting all the links below for you. 💜 Here is the totality of BtB series so far:

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆᯽◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

༺BtB Masterlist༻

In order from BtB through to HHU

Break to Breathe (BtB part 1) COMPLETE

BtB on ff.net Break to Breathe on AO3

On the Cusp (BtB part 2) COMPLETE

OtC on ff.net OtC on AO3

Requiem (BtB part 3) COMPLETE

Requiem on ff.net Requiem on AO3

Under These Scars (BtB part 4) COMPLETE

UtS on ff.net

Bonus series add-on:

Heaven Hold Us [Post War] WIP/ONGOING [Contination of BtB Series | Can be considered as part 5]

HHU on ff.net

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆᯽◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

~᯽~ PROFILE LINKS ~᯽~

FF.NET PROFILE LINK: Entire series posted here, HHU updated here.

AO3 PROFILE LINK: BtB parts 1 - 3 posted here.

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆᯽◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

Hope this helps! 💜

#btb #Shikaneji

[lostlimerence]

In The End by Drake Bell

Written in 2005 to help him deal with the CSA he was going through/had been through at the hands of Brian Peck (Drake has confirmed this now he has come out about it).

“Over my shoulder, under my skin, will you ever return again?

Wake up

The monsters in your head have left you

All to yourself, it's alright

If ugly little things remind you of how it felt”

I know hindsight is all well and good but my God surely a 15 year old writing such a deeply painful song should have set off warning bells somewhere!?

“Over my shoulder, under my skin” and “ugly little things remind you of how it felt” - these are not the lighthearted pop lyrics of a happy go lucky teen idol.

So many fucking adults let him down. It’s rage inducing.

I am heartbroken. He was so lost, so scared and so alone.

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41 letters…what the fuck.

The charges listed against Peck:

- SA of a person under 16.

- SA by foreign object.

- SA oral.

- SA with use of anaesthesia or controlled substance.

- Using a minor for SA.

- Sending harmful matter.

Drake Bell was sexually tortured by this man when he was only 15 years old and 41 pieces of shit wrote this kind of crap in support of his abuser….

James Marsden:

“I do intend to shed light on the fact that he has learnt his lesson…the earth would fall from the sky before Brian would think about doing something like this again.”

- ahh don’t worry everyone, James is pretty sure he would never drug and r*pe a child again so let’s just let him off on this one!

Taran Killam:

“Brian is fully aware of his misjudgement and takes full responsibility.”

- poor old Brian making that minor misjudgement when he decided to prey on a child, turn him against his father, against his family, isolate him and groom him then repeatedly SA him. Don’t worry he’s stepping up and taking full responsibility!

Joanna Kerns:

“There must have been some extreme situation or temptation exerted upon him.” and “ I would hire him today to work with children.” And "a good man that made a mistake, not a bad man who got caught."

- see that’s all it was poor Brian could not resist the extreme temptation, of course blame the 15 year old victim not the fucking adult, it’s always the same bullshit from these people I swear.

Ron Melendez:

“I also know the young man…I have met his family, seen his behaviour…I saw him pursue a friendship with Brian, maintain their close ties…Brian made a large mistake but it was not his alone.”

- surprise, more victim blaming, more trivialising. A mistake is forgetting to lock your door or putting salt in your tea instead of sugar…repeatedly r*ping a child is not a fucking mistake - it’s a fucking crime!

Tom DeSanto:

“Brian is ashamed and remorseful about his lapse in judgment.” and “ I met Drake…he seemed very fearful of his father and unable to communicate with him whatever sexual issues he was going through”

- again - broken record here but r*ping a child is not a bloody lapse in judgment! And again - victim blaming and suggesting his family were at fault!

Will Freddie:

“I can only reiterate how devastated Brian is and how these past events have forever changed him.”

- well thank god Brian is so devastated that he got caught - poor thing. The threat of prison probably has ‘forever changed him’ but I’m sure his inability to stop himself from SAing kids has done far more significant damage to his victims (and yes I believe he has more than Drake).

Kimmy Robertson:

“An outrageous, overtly gay, over-sexed person…he totally took advantage of Brian’s willingness to help.”

- the amount of victim blaming in these letters, particularly this one, is just astounding. The 15 year old boy took advantage of the 40 something year old man? Do you really truly believe that Kimmy? I’ll say it again for the billionth time - What. The. Fuck.

And this is just the snippet, there are 34 more letters - all I’m sure are variations of the above examples. The fact that we live in a world where these people not only do and get away with this shit all the time but also are supported so wholeheartedly when they’re exposed for doing it, is quite frankly terrifying.

I do not accept - we did not know the extent of what we were defending as an excuse here. You knew the charges it’s even clear in the letters themselves - you know it’s about the SA of a child (a child some of you even knew personally), you decided to disregard them, defend them or downplay them. You are only coming out now with weak-ass apologies because you have to - in reality you never thought those letters would see the light of day outside the court room.

I’m sorry but the amount of victim blaming, trivialising and excusing here is just more proof to be added to the huge pile of evidence that Hollywood is a cesspit, it does not care about victims, it does not care about children.

If anyone is still in doubt about the amount of systemic CSA in Hollywood please go and watch An Open Secret (whole thing is on YouTube)- a movie that they desperately tried to bury but is just as hard hitting as ‘Quiet on Set.’

[lostlimerence]

Thank you so much for this beautiful response! Even the way you answer questions is poetic! I absolutely agree and I’m off to read those three fics first! Thanks so much for your answer! I love delving into writers minds/hearing their perspectives on things!

Hey! Just wanted to drop by and say your writing is absolutely stunning. You have this innate ability to drag the reader into your writing.

I just finished skinshed and my god the opening chapter was a masterpiece (as was the rest of it). The way you described Billy’s fear of his father, those constant check ins ‘his daddy starts breathing again’ were spine chilling - that slow build tension was incredible.

I was wondering what your view is of Billy and his attitude towards himself - do you think it’s all self-loathing, do you think because he is so overly sexualised he believes that that is all he’s good for, do you think the abuse has hardened him or really he’s soft but trying to protect himself etc etc - I’d love to hear your thoughts (also if you have any fics that you delve into this specifically in please tell me I will consume immediately - though I do plan to read everything anyway 😅)

((FIRST OF ALL I'M CRYING. I'm at work, getting sniffly at my desk over this because you are so unbelievably kind to say this. Thank you. You didn't have to go out of your way to make me smile this hard, but you did. And now I feel like I could punch through a wall or maybe save a school bus full of children if they were careening off a mountainside, or something. Not that I would ever hope for that, but you get my drift.))

This is such a good question!

I'm going to start with "Yes, AND," because in my writing, I love to explore all of these avenues. Billy is all of these things and more, and everything you mentioned is accurate to what we're shown on screen. It's accurate to real life, too. Anyone who's been through abuse like that knows that your anger, sadness, self-loathing, and hope have layers and shades and different textures to them. Nothing is stagnant, when you're an abuse survivor, and things can change by the second depending on what you're experiencing. Sometimes anger looks like sadness and vice versa. Sometimes the texture of those emotions is sharp enough to cut your hands open, and I think that's what we see happening with Billy.

Everything he touches is covered in his blood, it's staggering to see.

He doesn't know how to handle his sadness, so he hammers it into the shape of rage, and he's afraid of himself.

I mean, in season three when Vecna (a creature who is known to show people what they're most afraid of) approaches Billy to be his foot soldier, the thing that Billy sees is himself.

Billy is afraid of his anger.

He's afraid of his sadness. He's a child who is carrying the weight of the world and he's being crushed under the pressure.

From what you mention above, though, I think Billy is soft at his root.

He shows several times (mostly in season three) that he's got a good heart under all the shit he's done to hide it. He's a crier. He paints a layer of vibrato over himself to mask how easily he bruises, but if you throw kindness on him, the armor washes away. It erodes. And as we see in the Battle of Starcourt, he will sacrifice himself so that others can live.

On the flip side, for me, is that the thing about Billy is he's in survival mode. When El travels into his mind in season three, we're introduced to his past. We see that he's spent years taking the brunt of horrific abuse and until the day he died, Billy was constantly being scraped against the pumice of his father's anger. Everything about his experience with Neil tore little holes into him that never fully heal, when he's alive, so he bleeds easily. He folds with almost no pressure.

At his root, I think Billy is afraid of being seen.

I think he's afraid of what he'll do if someone looks at him and sees past the layers he's built to protect himself.

And that leads to him hiding behind the sex-pot persona, and perpetuating his father's actions with Max, and I think it kills him. I think Billy hates himself, but he doesn't know how to stop. He doesn't know any other way, and he never got the chance to learn.

That's what makes him so tragic.

--

As for works where I explore Billy as a character, Ive got a few that come to mind.

Self Loathing: If Snow Loves the Trees and Fields

Anger: I Know Why The Bird Takes Flight

Sex'd up (but still angry lol): punisher

My writing has changed a ton over the years, but if you read the older stuff, I hope you enjoy it, anyway!

--

Thanks again for reaching out. This made me want to write so much fanfiction lol

[lostlimerence]

THEEEE two power couples of 19 days being posted back-to-back like this makes me giddy 💪😁

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This is Not what I do

Continuing on from last post…

To boldly inanely go where one batshit Raynie thought she’d never go before. Deeper into Sasuke’s ‘mayday / mission-abort’ headspace. 🫠🥲 ☕️x100

(“Dead to this” reference: Chapter 6: Heaven Hold Us)

Song inspo: 9 Crimes by Damian Rice

POV: Sasuke (semi-Naruto)

Leave me out with the waste / This is not what I do / It's the wrong kind of place / To be thinking of you / It's the wrong time / For somebody new / It's a small crime / And I've got no excuse — 9 Crimes, Damian Rice

#always reblog #one of my all time favourite authors #when heaven hold us updates the world will know it #okami Rayne #ahhhhhhjjhjjjjj

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A Separate World

Something inside her twists when she watches them like this. It twists so hard that it opens up a well and suddenly she’s choking down something she doesn’t want them to see.

And they won’t see.

She knows they won’t because Satoru is looking at Suguru like he hung the stars and Suguru isn’t faring much better.

They live in a separate world.

It’s something someone had said to her once, long ago. She’d laughed then, but now she understands.

Now she sees it. She sees it everyday.

They do live in a separate world and that thing inside her twists again because she knows, she knows that she isn’t in it.

‘Ah I don’t really do dates,’ an echo of a memory, Suguru’s face horrifically kind, her own heart beating an awful staccato, ready to burst bloody and butchered from her chest.

I don’t really do dates…it had been their first year and she had fallen too damn hard for those kind eyes and that beautiful face.

And Suguru was right, he doesn’t really do dates.

What he does do is this:

Smiles softly every time Satoru enters his orbit.

Slips him sweets during class.

Sighs with such a painfully fond look on his face when Satoru is being his own particular brand of irritating.

Sneaks up onto the roof for hours while Satoru recounts every second of his day.

Runs gentle fingers through silver hair.

Presses soft little kisses to tired eyelids and aching temples.

So yes, Suguru Geto doesn’t really do dates.

But he does anything for Satoru Gojo.

And sometimes (most of the time) Shoko can take it. She can watch them dance around each other, watch lovesick fools fall deeper and deeper with every waking moment of their day.

Most of the time she can watch it, watch it with a smile on her face and a fond clench in her heart because she knows, deep down, that apart they are grey, but together they are golden.

But sometimes it’s too much.

Today it’s too much.

With a deep breath she turns, that thing insider her twisting harder still as she walks away from her best friends.

She goes slowly because she’s desperate to hear it, to hear that kind concerned voice calling her back. It’s happened before.

But today there’s nothing.

Nothing but the gentle laughter of lovers so caught up in each other that nothing else, that no one else matters.

She slips away, unnoticed.

They live in a separate world.

A little fic that has been rattling in my head ever since I saw this panel. Maybe a bit too angsty but hey that’s always my brand. Hope someone likes it!

#satosugu #fic #my writing #jjk #shoko ieiri #jjk shoko #geto suguru #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #manga #anime #angst #this is just Shoko on a darker day people I promise I don’t think she was moping around all the time #the boys are just madly in love so they’re being a little ‘emotionally stunted’ #please don’t blame anyone #to put on ao3 #hurt no comfort really #gojo saturo

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[lostlimerence]

If you love song of Achilles, read in Memoriam by Alice Winn…

“Elwood smiled, and a sudden, dry bleakness spread over Gaunt’s heart as he thought of Hercules, and Hector, and all the heroes in myth who found happiness briefly, only for it not to be the end of the story.”

………

 Sorry. This is not what I intended to say. What I meant to say is this: You’ll write more poems. They are not lost. You are the poetry.

I swear you won’t regret it….

#song of achilles #in memoriam #in memoriam Alice Winn #alice winn