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fuchsiagrasshopper · 4 years

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Contending the Flame VI

Author’s Note: Happy Holiday season everyone! Hopefully you are having a better time than I am currently with work and new lockdown restrictions where I live. I already have the next two chapters written, so I plan to upload each within a week of one another. Thanks as always for being awesome!

Vikings Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar x Reader

Word count: 2234

Warnings: Servant dynamic, language.

The coming weeks had slowed as the provisions for the Heathen army continued to dwindle. As the weather closed in around them, so too did the Saxons. Their plight to negotiate for land had gone unheeded by Ivar. Well, it was Ubbe's plan but Hvitserk had gone along with it. Lately, it seemed he was being pulled back and forth between his brothers, his only use being the mediator. He wasn't sure which brother to follow, preferring it better when they all worked in tandem. Right now it was best for him to stay out of their way.

Ivar had returned to how he had been before, after the misfortune with Margrethe. He was terse with the thralls, and he shunned any prolonged company with women. There were moments, either when he was sitting at a table or alone in a corner, a strange look would pass over his face. Hvitserk was sure he was the only one to notice, but he didn't let on about it.

If Ivar wondered about the nun, he never said as such, and Audhild had reported that he hadn't come around inquiring about you. On the surface, it seemed whatever had started between you was over, but Hvitserk didn't think so. You were two boats passing in the night, waiting for the other's signal.

Hvitserk had taken it upon himself to keep watch of the nun. He had told Ubbe from the start not to get involved, but now he had thrown himself in headfirst. You no longer seemed to be a danger to yourself, and Audhild had said that you thrived as a healer, though you spoke very few words. It got Hvitserk curious, and he set out to find you.

Until the battle against the Saxons would start, the healers were not so occupied. Audhild had told him where you could be found. It was a courtyard that was led in by an archway, with bushes of purple flowers. At its heart was a statue of a man who Hvitserk wondered about. Christians had these carved monuments of people everywhere. What great deeds had they accomplished that granted them the honor of being captured in stone?

He quit his thoughts as he spotted the nun hunched over by a bed of flowers. It struck him then that he didn't know your name, and the few words he picked up in English would not get him far

"Mary...erm Sister," He called, trying to recall what you had said when you were first claimed by Ivar.

You stood with abruptness from being startled, your guard up as you recognized him. Your sheared hair was now covered in a sage green scarf, twisted and wrapped not unlike the Sami people. Hvitserk could see a black and blue bruise around your left eye, about the size of a fist. "Sister Mary Catharine, and you don't have to call me that."

He was glad you had answered in his language. Though some of your pronunciation was wrong, they would get by well enough on the gist of things. "Why not?"

"I don't think I am a nun anymore, not in the eyes of God. Just Catharine will do."

As Hvitserk took a step forward, you shifted back. The mistrust hung heavy between you both, and he realized he'd have to go slow in order to gain your favor. He stood firm where he was. "What happened there?"

You gingerly touched the mark on your face he had indicated to, a sad smile forming. "I'm not the discarded whore of the crippled bastard, even if some of your men think so. When one took out his cock and tried to relieve himself on me, I fought back."

Hvitserk was disappointed to hear what had happened, though such behavior was unsurprising. His heart sunk for his brother as well. Some of the men still only thought of Ivar as the lesser son of Ragnar, even after he had proven to be a sharp mind with a fierce heart.

"Do you know who he was?"

The nun shook her head. "No, and I have not seen him again. At least I still have the Lord's mercy."

You made a crossing gesture over your heart that Hvitserk did not understand. He spotted the cloth bandage on your wrist as well. "How's that healing?"

"It's fine," You said as you folded your arms behind your back. "Why does it matter? He didn't send you here, did he?"

The white look of terror on your face was hard to miss. You looked like a hare caught up in a trap. Hvitserk tried to think about the best way to ask his questions in order to get the answers he needed. "My little brother doesn't command me. I just wanted to know why you did it."

"I wanted to spare myself from a worse fate," You said, turning your back to him while you felt at the petals of the flowers. "I didn't want to suffer like the priest."

Hvitserk recalled what an imposing figure Ivar had cut hovering above the Christian man as he poured molten gold down his gullet. "Ivar told you about that?"

"No." You gazed over your shoulder a moment before your eyes flickered down. "I knew he had done something horrible, but it was another slave who told me. She said I should be careful, and that your brother hates all Christians."

Hvitserk took a step towards you without thinking and grabbed you by the shoulders. "What slave?"

"I don't know," You gasped while breaking out of his hold. "She came to clean the room one day. It was the first time I had spoken to anyone else besides Ivar."

"Why would she need to tend to his room when he had you?"

You frowned, seeming to forget your previous grievances for his closeness as you leaned forward. "What do you mean?"

Hvitserk knew from an early age that he was not exceptional. Ubbe is a strong swordsman and scout, Sigurd was musically inclined, and Ivar is a cunning strategist. At best he could survive raids and follow a battle plan, achievements that any of his brothers could do better. But none of them had his gut instincts, and his stomach was wrought with the feeling that a trickster had snuck their way into the camp.

"It's nothing," He said eventually, though not with enough conviction for the nun's liking.

"I don't believe you."

The earnest look on your face would have annoyed him more if not for how undisguised your naivete was. Maybe that was what drew Ivar in.

Hvitserk prepared to say more but was interrupted by a voice calling over his shoulder.

"Brother," Ivar called, followed by the indistinguishable sound of metal steps plodding the ground.

Hvitserk turned, bracing for whatever force Ivar would throw at him. If he was surprised to see the nun, he didn't let on, instead, his face sat stoically as he maneuvered forward with assurance. He was too young to look so miserable.

Ubbe was with him, peering at the girl who had taken refuge from prying eyes behind Hvitserk's back. His was a face easier to read, both tense and curious at the discovery. Hvitserk knew he would be answering questions later.

"She won't sleep with you brother," Ivar inserted with a cold chuckle. "She's chaste."

Hvitserk scowled at Ivar's attempt to maim with petty insults. "That's not what this is. Audhild sent Catherine to tend to an old injury I sustained from my raid with Bjorn," He lied.

"Catherine," Ubbe said. "Is that her name?"

"No, her name is Ólaug," Ivar interrupted before Hvitserk could speak. "Isn't it, Bride of Christ?"

You refused to rise to his idle taunts. You were as still as the Saxon statue, and your eyes never left Hvitserk's back.

"I don't know if it's really her name, but it's as she told me. Now what do you want, Ivar?"

"We are leading this army together, yes?" Though it didn't sound as if he meant that. "The Saxons prepare to attack at dawn, and we need you before going over our plan of countermeasures."

"Right," Hvitserk mumbled, turning back to the nun while nearly knocking you back because of how close you stood beside him. "Audhild will be expecting your return. You should go."

Your eyes grew wide with gratitude and you gave a curt nod. You made certain to keep an arm's breadth away from Ivar as you passed, taking the route around Ubbe instead. Ivar watched you leave over his shoulder, his face filling with scorn as his attention snapped back to Hvitserk.

"What happened to her face?"

"She's a thrall, Ivar. When they disobey, they are punished." His blunt remark had the desired response, as he noticed Ivar's jaw stiffen and grind back and forth. "Forget that for a moment, I think we have a worse problem. There's a spy in our camp working against you little brother."

"What are you talking about?" Ivar sneered, adjusting his stance as his crutch struck the ground.

"I know why she tried to end her life. Another slave told her about what you did to that priest. She didn't let on about it, but I think it was implied to her that she would suffer the same fate, or worse by your hand."

"But I would not have done anything to her," Ivar tried to defend, his face falling into guilt.

"It's not like she would know that, though," said Ubbe. "She's a nun, and sees us as little more than rapists and murderers."

"I was kind to her," Ivar huffed, struggling away from them towards the same flower bush the nun had been eyeing. He pulled on a branch, bringing the blooms close enough to smell.

Hvitserk shared a discreet look with Ubbe, communicating the shared thought of Ivar's favor for his former thrall. "Whoever spoke to her probably knew that, and was trying to get her away from you."

"They probably wanted to catch you alone," Ubbe added. "Your life could be in danger."

Ivar scoffed, releasing the branch back with a snap. He pivoted towards them, his movements were aggressive. "I don't have time to worry about one spy. The Gods would never let me die without honor, alone and asleep without renown. Tomorrow we fight the Saxons, and face victory."

Turning back towards the archway of the garden, he began down the same path the nun had departed prior. His stance was rigid, and his grip tight on the crutches. Hvitserk still held his breath on habit, afraid to watch Ivar stumble knowing that he couldn't offer to help him back up.

"Where are you going, Ivar?" Ubbe called.

"To address the army, and I expect you both to join me," He said, never stopping on his way out to even look at them.

When they were alone, Hvitserk could feel Ubbe eyeing him before even turning his way. "What?"

Ubbe chuckled, "You told me not to get involved, yet here you are jumping in headfirst."

"I'm worried. Ivar has been distracted since giving her away to Audhild, and we need him thinking straight if we're going to beat the Saxons together."

"We should have known Ivar would fall in love with the first woman to show him kindness," said Ubbe, looking pensive at the statue that had transfixed Hvitserk earlier.

"You think he loves her?" Hvitserk exclaimed in surprise.

"Well, he's at least fond of her, but with Ivar, it's difficult to tell." Ubbe ran a hand over his face as if to wipe away the stress he was feeling. “What really happened to her face?”

“One of our men was not kind to her. Ivar still does not hold the favor of every warrior in the army, and she is at risk as a result of that. I’ll tell Audhild to keep a closer eye from here on out.”

Ubbe nodded in agreement. “We’ll continue to try when we can as well, but I don’t know what will happen once we finish here. I don’t think Ivar has plans on remaining in York much longer.”

“I know,” Hvitserk said, feeling resentment towards Ivar for all of the misery he was constantly dragging them into. Even if they were to return to Kattegat next, Hvitserk knew it would be to war with Lagertha and Bjorn. He loved Ivar and would follow him to the four corners of the world, but not at the cost of their family and their father’s legacy.

It felt like they were using you as a buffer for their little brother’s madness, but in the days that Ivar had kept you, he had been more agreeable and even happy. Hvitserk held respect for you even if he hated your Christian God, but if it was your freedom measured against the success of their army, then he would have no trouble giving you back to Ivar in chains. Peace in the time of the sons of Ragnar was more important than one nun.

"I hope you know what you're doing, getting involved, brother," said Ubbe, disrupting his train of thought.

Hvitserk approached his older brother and gave him a clap on the shoulder. "Of course I don't, that's why I have you. Now come, let's go speak to our army before Ivar gets any more ideas about leading without us."

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naitiaclo960writings · 4 years

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Day 9 - Electric

(Warnings: Graphic depiction of violence. This is a dark one)

The crowd rose up around him, howling its rage and its need for violence. In addition to the smell of blood and cigarettes, he could feel this mixture of adrenaline and excitement filling the place, plunging this old abandoned shed into an atmosphere fit to an arena. And that was one. Not that Dean gives it any importance anymore. What mattered was not what it looked like, but what was happening there.

A new flash of light blinded him while the metallic noise of the audience striking with animosity against the protective wire fence rose in a sinister music to his ears. Here, everything screamed decadence and anarchy and he loved it, to be able to blend with the mass without ever being considered as the freak that he was outside. Being a monster was common in this clandestine universe, it was even greatly encouraged if one wanted to survive it.

As adrenaline pulsed through his veins like an intoxicating electric current, Dean clenched and loosened his fists with apprehension, eager to soon feel bones cracking under his knuckles. Tonight, he was going to be what he was built for, what others made of him year after year. Tonight, he was no longer Dean Winchester, he was nothing but fury and hatred.

* * *

Dean woke up early that morning from a night full of nightmares despite his exhaustion. His eyes were red and ringed, sunk into their sockets after hours spent watching the house of this supposed rugaru. He made a face at the memory of the bitter failure of that night. What was the point of being a hunter if he could not save lives? The rugaru had time to devour his whole family before Dean could intervene, all because he had not taken some essential parameters into consideration. It was a stupid rookie mistake that cost the lives of two little girls and an innocent woman. With his chest already on fire, he had remained lying down looking at the ceiling a few hours before deciding to go out.

It was a bad idea. He didn’t give a shit.

Dean had rushed to the nearest grocery store, had taken meager provisions for form and numerous bottles of alcohol. When he got back to his room—on the ground floor, thank God—, he had barely taken off his shoes that the neck of the bottle was already on his lips. And Dean had been drinking. He had drunk, drunk, emptied a whole bottle and had stretched out himself among the sheets of his unmade bed. In a flash of lucidity, he had turned on his cell phone. Because he couldn’t help himself. Because despite the argument with his brother since the beginning of the week, he was worried.

However, he had not texted Sam, especially not. He did not want his brother to deprive himself of a small respite once again because of his stupid decisions and existential crises. Things were not really easy between them and, if he was honest with himself, they were not anymore for some time already. This was another reason why he had no right to demand any support from him: Sam was better off without him and his carcass full of anger and sadness.

He had not written to Castiel either. He had prayed even less. His best friend had enough to deal with in Heaven, with all these angelic losses and the threat of a new rebellion hovering over the cosmic balance. If another war was coming, then Castiel was more useful up there than with his own pathetic self. In any case, even if he had sent him a quick message asking him how he was doing today, he already knew the answer. Bad. Just like him. It was like a sinister condemnation that kept coming back and pounding in his skull. This mixed with a growing guilt that was now forming one with him.

Then Dean had drowned his too-full-heart in alcohol before spending a good hour in the bathroom vomiting the empty contents of his stomach. He had not eaten at lunch, being too sick — and what was the point anyway? — before feeling this growing anger in his heart again at the end of the day. His telephone remained desperately silent and that did not help despite his desire to be alone. Somewhere deep inside him, maybe he was hoping someone would send a message first to inquire about his health, but nothing. Furiously, tired of turning between the four moldy walls of his motel room, Dean had grabbed his jacket and his car keys before going out towards the first bar.

He had found an enough ill-reputed one to accomplish what he wanted to do tonight in complete discretion. Kansas City was a big city with its dark sides and where no one would ever pay attention to him.

Diving into the noise almost drowned his thoughts. Dean had barely got off two shots before a man hit him on the shoulder. He kept a toxic smile of flowering on his lips knowing exactly that his plan had worked before turning his attention to man. The difficulty of the thing was to look lost and desperate enough to accept any proposal without inspiring too much pity. Dean barely had to pretend. Obviously, the guy turned out to be exactly what he was looking for: a recruiter for clandestine fights that were quietly organized at night in the premises behind the bar. The boss seemed to know since he said nothing more when he heard a few bits of their conversation. Dean had answered each of his questions in a neutral manner before the man finally told him to meet him at two o'clock in the morning behind the bar if he was interested, seeing "potential" in him. Perfect.

His instincts, although sore with alcohol, told him not to take the risk. But this rage… this rage that filled him a little more every moment, this anger that had come to mingle with his guilt and his despair screamed at him to go hit something. Something alive, something that can bleed and take his relentless violence. Dean was like that: he was violent, dangerous and unsavory. He knew how to destroy and that’s it. He knew how to torture and that’s it. It was surely for this reason that he had so much his place in Hell... He needed to be punished for his past mistakes.

At 1:45, Dean was on the sidewalk, facing the dark alley leading to the rendezvous point. His hands were in his pockets, his heart beating in a strangely calm way, still not drowned in vodka. Swallowing his conscience, repeating to himself that he deserved it anyway, Dean plunged into the alley. In the end, he found the meeting place quite easily.

Without him knowing why, the security guards at the entrance recognized him and, after long underground corridors, allowed him to enter what seemed to be a large abandoned shed isolated from the rest of the city center. However, the place was teeming with people, the crowd of junkies and thugs crowding around what looked like an improvised and slightly raised ring. Some whispered cheers, others insulted while two poor fellows were fighting in the square with their bare hands. Dean got closer. One of the men took a particularly violent blow which sent him to the ground. In a rule-bound sport, that was usually when the game ended. But there were no referees here, just a man shouting comments from the top of a high box, and the winner threw himself on his opponent on the ground to beat him. He did not stop until the poor fellow spit so much blood that he choked under him. With a smile of victory, the other stood up and shouted his victory while his opponent lay there half dead, being evacuated by two other men and leaving a trail of blood behind him.

The commentator then screamed into his microphone, asking for a volunteer in the crowd to come and try his luck in the ring. Dean sincerely thought that no one would be crazy enough to say yes when two other losers entered the ring and a new fight ensued. Once again, it was violent, disloyal and bloody. The more the blows resounded in the hangar, the more the crowd seemed to be in effervescence, screaming to animate the fight while the money of the gamblers was circulating from hand to hand.

Dean stayed away for the next two until the commentator announced the last fight. In the audience, a strong man with several metal teeth raised his hand in a raging cry, a smug smile on his lips. He stepped into the ring. In the hangar floated a semblance of hesitation, no opponent reaching the iron jaw. So, while Dean had been waiting all night for this very moment, he raised his hand, approached the ring under the laughter of others, and threw himself into the fray. His opponent looked at him with a mocking and evil look.

That’s how he ended up with this electric atmosphere around him as his heart sent waves of adrenaline into the rest of his body.

What did he have to lose? He came here to hit, no? So, hit or get hit… What was the difference? The only thing that could reassure him was that the opposite man seemed at least as guilty as he was. By the time he took off his jacket and his shirt, Dean was already crushing his fist into that idiot’s jaw.

Immediately, the screams and comments resumed around them, but everything was drowned in a muffled whistle when Dean took two more hits at a steady pace. His breath was taken away. Several minutes passed where the only thought that was imposed on his mind was to be in pain. In addition to needing to vent all this anger, he deserved all the bruises that were accumulating on his body. He deserved to suffer at least as much as he had made others suffer in his life. Blood rolled from his nose into his mouth and Dean spit on the ground.

When he finally seemed to begin to dominate the fight, his strong opponent, but little enduring, he felt a flash of terrible rage pierce his body. With his breath almost cut off by so much blind anger, Dean opened wide eyes filled with a terrifying thirst for blood. He was unrecognizable. The beast in him had awakened. He was no better than all the monsters he hunted, he was worse. In a moment of inattention, this violence took hold of him as effectively as at the time of Cain’s mark, a knee stroke flew into his brow arch and sent him to the ground. His opponent had risen.

Among the repeated violence that his body was undergoing, the man determined to beat him, Dean found it difficult to regain control over himself and a rumble escaped from his lips. What was going on? He became that thing that he swore he would never be again. In one last desperate rush, Dean managed to dodge another punch and rolled on himself, his chest in a vice of pain. Blinded by anger and pain, he succeeded in reversing the situation and projecting the iron jaw to the ground. In an instant, he had mounted his body and struck, struck, and struck until the face under him was nothing more than a bloody and deformed pulp. Dean screamed. Only then did the remaining hatred in his chest fade and he could breathe again, the blood flowing into his brain enough to tell him to stop.

The rest seemed blurry to him, his thoughts muddled and confused, drowned by the cheers and the cries of craze. He remembers, however, the same man who had come to recruit him in the bar coming to congratulate him at the exit, thanking him for the nice money that Dean had allowed him to win. He told him that he had it in his blood. Dean barely replied, not less agreed though.

Once back at the motel and the blood cleaned from his clothes, Dean was again alone with his thoughts. He immediately sent a message to Sam. He needed help. He needed his family to remind him that he was not just a wild animal, that he could exist beyond his rage. Currently he was just… empty. Dean already knew that his dreams would be filled with horrible nightmares tonight and he was tired of it in advance. After several minutes of internal fighting, Dean curled up on himself against a wall in his room. He did not want to sleep. What if the beast came back while he lowered his guard? He didn’t want to sleep. He was in too much pain to sleep. He needed to go back, to resist that dark part of him. Dean could never let it surface again, not like that, ever. He still felt his knuckles suffering, sending waves of pain into the rest of his hand like electric shocks.

He didn’t want to sleep…

* * * @winchester-reload This one was a bit depressing but I’m quiet happy with the general idea. Let me know what you thought about it :)

You can find the whole series on Ao3

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viterwrites · 4 years

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An Equal Conversation (P: Bonds)

Whumptober Day 1.

“—am I to do with him? Don’t you have better-suited people for the job, Ir-?”

“The Lady for you. And yes, we do, but why should we aid you more?”

“To start with, he’s—”

“Yes, yes, and the other tales we have passed down to you. The prodigy is your problem and your responsibility. Had it not been for your staggering incompetence, Paljot—and the whole of Quintera—would have been ours months, if not years ago. Hereby, you are to fix it, in the name of your late father, in the name of your fallen realm, and in the name of our Deity. Perhaps, not for yourself, for there is nothing that can redeem such a miserable human being, but you still might live a good life under Their rule.”

“You-”

“Are the sole reason you are still alive? Are your only hope, your single chance as of right now? Could execute you at any moment or give you away to the enemy for a momentary respite?”

“Hr-”

“Have we made ourselves clear? I believe we have, and you should believe so as well, as we do not fancy repeating ourselves. Bring him back under Their wing. By whatever means necessary. The method used at the end is irrelevant. If you do fail, however, you will replace him in the defence of our city. Oh, you would do a poor job.”

***

His hearing slowly returned, along with his consciousness. Gods, where was he?.. There was only darkness in sight—or his was lost—and no space to move. Restrained. He wasn’t getting up either way. The binds weren’t even the worst problem — it’s the way his whole body felt. Like it had rotten from inside out and frozen afterwards.

The location was concerning too.

It was painful even remembering, as every thought seemed to draw more life out of his near-dead body. Riena. The army had stopped to celebrate the victory of the previous day, he, as usual, refrained from partaking in the festivities and stayed behind. And the servants brought him food… Soon after it went black. And hadn’t gone white to this time.

It didn’t take much time for him to realise what had happened. Poison.

At that moment, the door opened, letting the torchlight inside. Still hard, but he could now see just where he found himself in: a tiny cell, just enough space for two people to be in—and only in front of each other. Near-naked on cold stone. And a stretching shadow in front.

With all the frail might he had left, he raised his chin and shot a glare towards the person in front. A glare soon-to-be followed by shock. And rage, weak as he was.

“Fjall Arveg, head of the Okel Village garrison. Bow to your Baron. Or is it that you have forgotten the Code while in service of the enemy? Please, do let me know, so that your offence may be treated accordingly.”

The other could only chuckle. “The code states I must do a salute, but that seems out of the question right now, doesn’t it?” he tug his arms, feeling the rope retaliate. Then some more, and more, to the extent of where it burned.

Pain helped him focus in such times. Always had, for better or worse.

The Baron’s gaze shortly narrowed, then relaxed. “We have got off on the wrong foot, it appears. Still, I am your superior, is it not right for me to be treated as one?”

“I have pledged loyalty to the Earl of Tertiara.”

“I was nowhere to be found, yes? It was rational of you to assume I had deceased and thus represent the people of Vardil in the new leader’s forces, but as you can see, I am still here in the Alliance, in flesh and blood, for they were so kind as to provide me with a residence, while I cannot return to my own. And you are obliged to help me do so, as a loyal soldier of your Barony, are you not?”

‘Avardil prepared well for this,’ Fjall thought. His words were true as well: the pledge he had made to the Baron was before all others by time and so, by priority. Yet he was no longer willing to uphold it.

“I am loyal to the Earl of Tertiara, Araien of House Paljot. I believe she represents the interests of Vardil as well as of her homeland, of Gret as much as well as of her ancestral home. My loyalty was pledged to the Barony first and foremost, of which Lord Avardil will no longer hold the control,” that caused a frown to appear on the Baron’s face. A frown and a scowl.

“Is that so? Please, do reconsider your options. Perhaps what I shall tell you next can change your mind,” he turned to the door and called for someone down the corridor. “Lord Halliste.”

The towering figure of the man who entered next was not one unfamiliar to Fjall. In fact, it was one he had engaged just the day before— no. perhaps, it was longer, but it was doubtlessly the man whose swordsmanship he couldn’t best in Riena. In truth, he would have been slain by him, had a superior not called this monster of a combatant back.

Halliste—lord, commander, whoever he was—seemed as intimidating as in the first time their paths crossed: just like he seemed back at the western shoreline. He approached with a chair that Avardil happily sat down into, now looking at the restrained warrior from above. Halliste himself stayed right behind his back, looking down on Fjall from all his height, nearly reaching the ceiling.

Regardless, it was clear that Avardil was bursting at the seams with information and the desire to lay it all out. Fjall prepared to listen, think and talk. These were the only three weapons he had left, ones he had never excelled at, yet the only ones that could be of any use now.

“I shall start by saying that you should not even hope to escape from here. Neither should you hope for a rescue,” the drasticity of a tone change didn’t go unnoticed, but he couldn’t show it outwardly. “If you have put two and two together, you know you are in the most secure place in Strell, one only the Lady of the Seas and her closest know of. It is nowhere to be found in the documents, the ones who were partial to its creation are nowhere to be found as well,” the Baron’s lips curled into a crooked smile. “This is no prison. You are in her secret headquarters, in the most secret of all cells there are in Quintera. None know where you are.”

A pause, as Avardil wanted Fjall to mull over these words. In the other’s turn… it wasn’t the first time no help was on the way, but it was the first time he was truly alone. In this cell, definitely underground, with not a soul to meet, except for his former ‘employer’ and his loyal dog. Although, that last fact was much less of a certainty than anything else.

Halliste had not said a word in this conversation. As time went on it became more and more obvious he wasn’t there to speak or even intimidate, just to oversee. Not Fjall, either, although he was the centerpoint of the knight’s gaze. To oversee the Baron.

‘The closest are also on the closest leash, aren’t they?’

“Secondly, you could have gathered it on your own, but what happened in Riena was a stroke of luck. You are no match for Sir Halliste,” he paused tilting his head back towards the knight, “and the Alliance has a number of soldiers of his caliber. Are you not the strongest one in the Tertiara force?” The Baron wasn’t looking for an answer. “Then imagine what could happen, if all of them were released at once against your compatriots. And what will happen as they approach the capital. The Lady has no interest in letting the enemy step into her domain’s heart, so they will be stopped.”

“And they die either way. What’s the point of passing it down to me?” without doubt, had they not wanted him alive, he would not have survived the celebration.

The Baron smiled. In the worst way imaginable.

“They don’t. Naive of you to assume death is what awaits them. It is salvation, not punishment,” The grin stretched wider. “People as important as them can’t simply die. No, they will have to pay for the inconvenience they caused us. And so will you,” his eyes locked onto Fjall. “Unless you agree to our terms.”

“Which are?”

“You fight for the Alliance. And take Her Earlshipness down. Perhaps with her falconer. Or perhaps leave him to mourn.”

“Them to mourn. Wait,” he exhaled sharply as the words sunk in.

For himself to be the one to take down Araien and Io… Not long ago, the one purpose he has in life. Now, a terrifying prospect.

“And why me? Do you not have Halliste or other knights, all, as you claim, better swordsmen than myself?” even that sarcastic tone couldn’t draw out a reaction from the onlooker. Hm.

“I do not have to explain myself to my inferior. And you are not to question me, should you agree.”

“And if I don’t?” the same grin sprung up where it had been before.

“I have not finished.”

Not once had Fjall heard of the Baron being as talkative as he was with him. Most of his words were threats, but at home that was not his responsibility: he had a wide enough network of ‘social workers’ to take care of that for him. Now he could see who they were taught by, if the rumours were correct.

“Araien. The poor young girl who prematurely lost her father. A formidable leader, he was and a formidable foe to me in the war—but even he could not stop the might of the Alliance combined with ours.”

‘Didn’t he claim Vardil had won on its own? Another lie we were spoonfed, it seems,’ it was odd how his mind seemed to be sharper than it had ever been in this situation and this state. But the Baron continued talking.

“How sad of him to pass away so suddenly, leaving his daughter grieving and ill-prepared to lead her house. Some called it a lucky coincidence, some believed it to be too lucky. And some,” the Baron half-bowed in a theatrical manner, “simply knew the truth. There are many things growing in the jungle around your village. Some can knock you out cold, some can assure you never get up again,” he paused letting Fjall swallow the words. In his turn, he was baffled at how blatantly, how openly Avardil admitted his guilt. And that was, without doubt, one of the many people he murdered.

Then something else occurred to him. Okel had never been known for making poison, but it was known for its herbs and the traders visited mainly for those, and those came from the jungle. “Precisely,” the Baron spoke up and Fjall’s attention shifted back to him. “You, as the head of the village garrison, the one who guarded all of those things, are also responsible for the death of Tolvi I of Paljot. And no doubt she will learn of it someday. The Lady and I will make sure she does, before her demise.”

Before Fjall can even process all of it, the Baron continued. “That poor girl, however, assembled an army, bringing together the finest from Paljot and Vardil, retaking Gret and even my ancestral home. Something I can never forget, but the Lady could and was, in fact, delighted to hear news of a woman to unite Tertiara after ages of separation. Until that same woman spoke up and rallied forces against her. Now, she is not even a dead woman, no, much worse, in fact. She will not be released from her shell until she passes from old age, and maybe not even then. Yet her life will not be a happy one—if you would call a lifetime of torture and pain in solitude, a torture on its own, a life: the Lady does not take kindly to those who offend her. Especially now that the coalition has control of Riena, her favourite outing spot. Araien is not to walk this land free, and neither she is to turn to the dead. She is to suffer for many dozens of years. This stands true if you refuse to slay her and put her to the Earth that she deserves, right next to her beloved, maybe. In her case, that is the best option.”

‘No. That cannot happen. She has a higher chance of defeating them than me anyhow, I have not been able to best her in battle. Besides, if things go awry, she is smart enough as not to let herself fall into the enemy’s arms. We are twins for a reason.’

“Defiance. Believe in her?” Avardil had an uncanny tendency to guess thoughts. “Untrue, but even assuming so, what about the others? Tallei, perhaps? She has no place anywhere, except for her troop and the two of you, and with you out of the question, that leaves the troop and Mortenir. Neither of which are welcome anywhere. But, you could bring her a happier life, instead of, once again, one of suffering. Her crimes against the Lady are so far insignificant, unlike her crimes against Paljot and Vardil both. And she could find a place and work in Strell, the Seafarer’s Heart, city built with this purpose in mind. Otherwise, for her and her family, it only gets worse from here. Regardless of whether your forces win or lose, although the latter is almost guaranteed.”

‘Bargaining? Abo would want none of that. She knows we’ve fucked up bad, she knows she has much to do to fix it. But she wouldn’t want to guilt of complicity, and neither would she accept it. This would be a betrayal from me. And I would never betray her.’

“What about Lieutenant Teie? That young boy who had responsibility thrust upon him by his masters, and did his best. It was saddening to watch, really, but I cannot go against the highest nobles so openly. He could have a good education, and a good life in the Alliance. Perhaps, with his newfound experience in leadership, he could even land a great position in the force. Would you take this chance away from him and take this youth’s life as well?”

‘Oita… The kid deserves the best. But he never wanted this, and never would he. Besides, he is strong enough to fight for himself. He can take down one of those ‘Hallistes’, and it would be yet another proof of his talent. And after the war, he can just… find a better place to be. And a better thing to do.’

“And, the last but certainly not the least, Lieutenant Mortenir,” on that, Fjall felt all of his mind shrink into one ability — to listen. As attentively as he could manage. “Do not think your nightly escapades—whatever they ended in—have escaped either your compatriots, or us. We have kept a watchful eye on the both of you from the fall of Gret. Young love, how nice that must be,” the Baron said to the knight behind him with a smirk, only to receive a stern glare back and hush. “Only if that love lasts. Thankfully for you, the Lady and myself are both reluctant to separate the two of you, so here is my last term and offer. Do the deed, and you can go free together, wherever your heart desires. Maybe even with the other lowly members of your group. Don’t you want things to be like they had been before all of this started? Here is your best chance.”

Avardil was a smooth talker, and he hit the bullseye.

Fjall was left grasping for straws, for something, some reason to say no, but all that came to mind was tied to this war. Before they left, even after, but before that skirmish on The Bridge, his world had been small yet perfect. It was far from it now. But they could still pretend it was, couldn’t they? Their small group, with a few more people, taking on odd jobs and travelling all across. Now that they could have each other, maybe all the other business: the Alliance, the Gods, even his legendary lost twin—maybe it didn’t matter. She didn’t matter.

The last thought had him shiver, to the delight of the Baron.

Hadn’t he sworn to protect any life worth saving? Hadn’t he pledged his loyalty, his knight’s pride to his sister, though she had begged him not to? Hadn’t he promised to himself—and to Abo, Oita, Meyl, Deim—that he would not make the same mistake as he had had before?

It was so tempting… A true Lady’s Trick, as some would call it. An opportunity one cannot accept but cannot refuse. And he was about to try the latter, certain it was hopeless for him. But, perhaps, not for the others.

‘Deim deserves a better person to fall for anyway.’

“I have pledged loyalty to the Earl of Tertiara, Araien I of Paljot. That is my final answer.”

The Baron’s expression changed to surprise. Then dismissive denial and, shortly after, anger. Pointed and concentrated on him. “Have you not heard me, perhaps?” he growled with pure venom in his voice. “This is your one chance to be normal, just like you had always wanted. Otherwise, be ready to witness them suffer for years without end, and try that yourself.”

“Your threats or your torture don’t scare me. Neither does death. They are strong enough to overcome whomever you pin against them, and will be better off without this criminal—now rightfully in a cell—regardless. I have given my answer.”

“Foolish of you to assume that is your cell. No, this is simply a room for talking. Not even interrogations, but equal conversation and negotiation, if you will,” with that, he leaned in uncomfortably close. “But your time here has come to an end.”

He stood up and walked to the door, but not before giving an order to the knight. “We’re done here, more drastic measures seem to be needed. We’ll see how he talks a few hours in. Rid him of his last bits of… dignity, and bring him upstairs. The clothes wouldn’t survive for long either way in those conditions.”

“Take this forward, Halliste.”

“As I was inctructed to.”

#whumptober2020 #no.1 #waking up restrained #original work #rating: pg-13 #project bonds

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pjmendez · 4 years

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Realising I can no longer do nothing

George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. ©CNN

I’m tired, just as much as every other Black person is, of seeing nothing change. Nothing has changed. We might like to think things have, and it might make us feel better to think things have, or that we don’t have the same problems here in the UK as there are in the US. In the UK we like to silence Black people bemoaning police brutality and institutional racism by talking about Black-on-Black violence, of knife crime and of Black music that appears to glorify intra-racial murder, even bringing up that old “Africans sold their fellow men as slaves to white people” chestnut without mention of any of the socio-economic, socio-environmental issues and nuances within those issues that result in things being the way they are in the present day. We don’t want, as British people, to be confronted with the idea that we have to change, that what we are doing is wrong; we like to turn a blind eye, as long as we are not the worst. We will do anything not to have to confront the idea that we are the worst, a fact most amply illustrated by the recent tabloid treatment of Dr Neil Ferguson on the day Britain became the country in Europe with the worst mortality rate due to Covid-19: anything to deflect from the fact that we, Britain, once leader of a great Empire, have sunk to the bottom, down there with the slime. We can look at what’s going on over in America and sleep soundly in the assumption that we don’t treat people that way or that “our” Blacks have it better. But to do so is to be complicit in the culture of a new Jim Crow, a global pandemic in itself, the epicentre of which is in the United States, of course, but one that we cannot afford to assume we are immune from or that isn’t already affecting us in any way.

This, in some ways, has been the most beautiful Spring of my lifetime. I’ve enjoyed the publication of my debut novel, and the response to it; the London I live in is looking its natural best. The sun shines every day. It’s warm; roses, azaleas and peonies are superabundant in deliciously saturated colours. But, otherwise, it’s also the ugliest Spring. Never before has it been more starkly presented to me, in measurable facts, the depth of inequality and injustice Black people are suffering here in the UK. Not only are we statistically more likely to be economically disadvantaged, with fewer opportunities for physical distancing and greater danger for exposure due to our likelier frontline jobs, we are seeing, in 2020, black men being stopped in their cars by police at a disproportionately high rate, and a ridiculously high mortality rate compared to other ethnic descriptions – this when, according to research published by the World Health Organisation, Africa is the least-affected region globally by Coronavirus (so far), flying in the face of any rabid eugenicist’s brainwave associating higher Black mortality rates in the global west with genetics. Not only do we have to wake up to a new morning and read about yet another person of our skin colour who has been brutally murdered by police or by a white supremacist father-son team sicced like dogs by their president to sniff out and kill Black people on sight, we also have to read about the memory of a Black woman, Belly Mujinga, being served the indignity of a closed case in favour of the person who caused her death. Which Black person would get off scot-free having spat at a white person, boldly claiming their fluids were positive for Covid-19? Which white person’s death would be shown on TV stations all over the world, their neck crushed for eight whole minutes under the knee of a Black cop? Simple role-reversals are just that – simple. They do not take into account the intersections from which Black and minority-ethnic and/or queer people have to negotiate their everyday lives in a structurally-racist world (which bell hooks has described as an imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy). No Black cop would ever rest his knee on the neck of even the most dangerous white suspect, because of the respect inculcated in us for even the evilest of white souls (remember the gentle way Dylann Roof, perpetrator of the Charleston massacre, was walked into custody?). Black people are allowed to be lynched for all the world to see; white cops think they’re doing the world a favour. And white people are not standing up for us. They are turning their heads away, as if racism is not their problem. Well, it is.

I get it. When I wake up, look at Twitter or Instagram and see another one of these stories come through, my immediate instinct is to turn away; nobody wants the politicised death of a stranger to be the first thing that confronts them, daubing over their waking dreams with thick, red graffiti. Part of this might be my own socialised British “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. But the greater part of it, I think, is a refusal to believe that this could be happening, in such a way, again, so soon after the murders of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor; news came through the next day of the death of Tony McDade, a black trans man killed by a police officer in Florida. But I first became aware of George Floyd’s death scrolling through Instagram with my coffee in bed. Ms Tina Lawson, mother of Beyoncé and Solange – two artists who have put their careers on the line to do their duty to protect their fellow citizens and draw attention to the issues they face – is usually one of the first public figures in my feeds to denounce and rally against police brutalities, posting strongly-worded statements, beatified pictures of the deceased, phone numbers to lobby the sheriff and mayoral offices most local to the killing, calling for a change of mentality and an end to racist violence. Ms Lawson shared George Floyd’s portrait, regrammed from Viola Davis’s earlier post; so soon after waking, I didn’t quite understand the context, and to my shame, I scrolled on. But I kept seeing this picture more and more, shared by African American celebrities, and other pictures of a cop kneeling down – the apparently-righteous kind of kneeling, as opposed to Colin Kaepernick’s apparently-radical kind of kneeling – but I didn’t understand. I didn’t get the picture. Because of its composition, and the expressive manner of its majority subject, a white cop, looking at the camera, straight backed, hand-on-hip, ageing but lantern-jawed like an everyday superhero just doing his job enforcing the law, I didn’t understand what was going on, and how this image connected to that of the large, friendly-looking black man Ms Tina Lawson had shared earlier. It wasn’t until later that I saw that there was a head beneath this white cop’s knee. Captions put words in his mouth redolent of the last of Eric Garner: “I can’t breathe”. Then it emerged there was a video. I refused to watch it. I did not want to see someone lose their life. I did not want to see someone pinned down, struggling, fighting, unable to free himself from beneath the grown man resting his entire body weight on their neck, losing breath, losing voice, losing consciousness, being disestablished from whatever threat they were deemed to be, being murdered. I did not want to see a Black person go through that, for all to see; what was once a sycamore tree, now a knee; what was once a gathered crowd of white nationalists attending a lynching for sport, now millions of people all over the world gawping at their smartphones. Again. If I see it happen to another Black person, in my mind, it’s happening to me. It drips poison into my ear, makes me think of all the ways I might be punished if I leave the house, while Black, travel while Black. Every microaggression leads to my unjust death, a life lived in vain. I am not alone in declaring murders of unarmed Black people to be deleterious to my mental health.

I successfully avoided watching George Floyd die, or entering into the outrage about his death, but then the video – which I today learned was shot by a seventeen-year-old Black girl of uncertain relationship to Floyd, and God knows what trauma she must be going through now – was shown on BBC News that night, uncensored. We watched an American man die on the news – an African-American man. Does that desensitise us? Does it not feed into the suspected narrative that Black people in death don’t deserve the same dignity as white people? This compounds the feared belief that I, a Black man, am less worthy than a white person. That I do not matter. That my body can be choked of life by someone trained to recognise me as a threat to life – whether I have a weapon or not – and paraded around the world. The outcry, by both Black and some white people, has been strong. But beyond a few moments of contemplation in the aftermaths of these deaths, nothing changes. The slaps in Black faces become increasingly insidious.

White supremacy is here to stay, whether its supreme leader gets four more years or not. This is a wave whose power and intention is not yet clear. I want to write a lot more about this. But to all the Black people and our allies suffering pain and anxiety today, I can only say this: stay strong. We are wonderful and amazing. We are a miracle. We are great. For all the hundreds of years of the Atlantic slave trade, when our ancestors had no rights, no self-ownership, no means of telling their own stories, were bred like cattle for best cotton-picking/cane-harvesting characteristics – the fact that we are alive and so many of us are thriving, winning, despite the obstacles in our path other ethnicities don’t have and/or put in place, is a miracle, and we deserve to take all strength and belief from that. We walked the earth first and will always. But we have to keep fighting. Dr Cornell West quoted Samuel Beckett when he urged us to “try again, fail again, fail better”. We can not let any death, any injustice, any microaggression go unchallenged. It is exhausting, and we have to keep questioning what we want equality with (this capitalist agenda? Really?). I’m not the cleverest, I’m not the bravest. But I have a voice, and I shall do my best.

#BlackLivesMatter

References:

bell hooks | We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity (Routledge, 2004)

Dr Cornel West in conversation with Anderson Cooper on CNN: https://twitter.com/AC360/status/1266532710266425345?s=20

Killer Mike’s address to protesters in Atlanta and other US cities: https://twitter.com/KingJames/status/1266630475709177856?s=20

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thoughtfullywingedwhispers-blog · 6 years

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God Presides Over the Fate of All Mankind

As members of the human race and devout Christians, it is the responsibility and obligation of us all to offer up our mind and body for the fulfillment of God’s commission, for our entire being came from God, and it exists thanks to the sovereignty of God. If our minds and bodies are not for God’s commission and not for the righteous cause of mankind, then our souls will be unworthy of those who were martyred for God’s commission, much more unworthy of God, who has provided us with everything.

God created this world, He created this mankind, and moreover He was the architect of ancient Greek culture and human civilization. Only God consoles this mankind, and only God cares for this mankind night and day. Human development and progress is inseparable from the sovereignty of God, and the history and future of mankind are inextricable from the designs of God. If you are a true Christian, then you will surely believe that the rise and fall of any country or nation occurs according to the designs of God. God alone knows the fate of a country or nation, and God alone controls the course of this mankind. If mankind wishes to have a good fate, if a country wishes to have a good fate, then man must bow down to God in worship, repent and confess before God, or else the fate and destination of man will unavoidably end in catastrophe.

Look back to the time of Noah’s ark: Mankind was deeply corrupt, had strayed from the blessing of God, was no longer cared for by God, and had lost the promises of God. They lived in darkness, without the light of God. Thus they became licentious by nature, abandoned themselves to hideous depravity. Such men could no longer receive the promise of God; they were unfit to witness the face of God, nor to hear the voice of God, for they had abandoned God, had cast aside all that He had bestowed upon them, and had forgotten the teachings of God. Their heart strayed farther and farther from God, and as it did, they became depraved beyond all reason and humanity, and became increasingly evil. Thus they came ever closer to death, and fell under the wrath and punishment of God. Only Noah worshiped God and shunned evil, and so he was able to hear the voice of God, and hear the instructions of God. He built the ark according to the instructions of God’s word, and assembled all manner of living creatures. And in this way, once everything had been prepared, God unleashed His destruction upon the world. Only Noah and the seven members of his family survived the destruction, for Noah worshiped Jehovah and shunned evil.

Then look upon the present age: Such righteous men as Noah, who could worship God and shun evil, have ceased to exist. Yet God is still gracious toward this mankind, and absolves mankind during this final era. God seeks those who long for Him to appear. He seeks those who are able to hear His words, those who have not forgotten His commission and offer up their heart and body to Him. He seeks those who are as obedient as babes before Him, and do not resist Him. If you are unhindered by any force in your devotion to God, then God shall look upon you with favor, and shall bestow His blessings upon you. If you are of high station, of honorable reputation, possessed of abundant knowledge, the owner of plentiful assets, and supported by many people, yet these things do not prevent you from coming before God to accept His calling and His commission, to do what God asks of you, then all that you do shall be the most significant on earth and the most righteous of mankind. If you reject the call of God for the sake of status and your own goals, all that you do shall be cursed and even despised by God. Maybe you are a president, or a scientist, a pastor, or an elder, but no matter how high your office, if you rely on your knowledge and ability in your undertakings, then you shall always be a failure, and shall always be bereft of the blessings of God, because God accepts nothing that you do, and He does not grant that your career is a righteous one, or accept that you are working for the benefit of mankind. He will say that everything you do, is to use the knowledge and strength of mankind to divest man of the protection of God, and to deny the blessings of God. He will say that you are leading mankind toward darkness, toward death, and toward the start of an existence without limits in which man has lost God and His blessing.

From when man first had social sciences, the mind of man was occupied by science and knowledge. Then science and knowledge became tools for the ruling of mankind, and there was no longer sufficient room for man to worship God, and no more favorable conditions for the worship of God. The position of God sunk ever lower in the heart of man. A world in man’s heart with no place for God is dark, empty without hope. And so arose many social scientists, historians, and politicians to express theories of social science, the theory of human evolution, and other theories that contravene the truth that God created man, to fill the heart and mind of man. And in this way, those who believe that God created everything become ever fewer, and those who believe in the theory of evolution become ever greater in number. More and more people treat records of the work of God and His words during the Old Testament age as myths and legends. In their hearts, people become indifferent to the dignity and greatness of God, to the tenet that God exists and holds dominion over all things. The survival of mankind and the fate of countries and nations are no longer important to them. Man lives in a hollow world only concerned with eating, drinking, and the pursuit of pleasure. … Few people take it upon themselves to seek out where God does His work today, or to look for how He presides over and arranges the destination of man. And in this way, human civilization unconsciously becomes ever more incapable of meeting the wishes of man, and there are even many people who feel that, living in such a world, they are less happy than people who have gone. Even people of countries that used to be highly civilized air such grievances. For without the guidance of God, no matter how much rulers and sociologists wrack their brains to preserve human civilization, it is to no avail. No one can fill the emptiness in man’s heart, for no one can be the life of man, and no social theory can free man from the emptiness with which he is afflicted. Science, knowledge, freedom, democracy, leisure, comfort, these are but a temporary respite. Even with these things, man will inevitably sin and bemoan the injustices of society. These things cannot allay man’s craving and desire to explore. Because man was made by God and the senseless sacrifices and explorations of man can only lead to more distress. Man will exist in a constant state of fear, will not know how to face the future of mankind, or how to face the path that lies ahead. Man will even come to fear science and knowledge, and fear even more the feeling of emptiness within him. In this world, regardless of whether you live in a free country or one without human rights, you are utterly incapable of escaping the fate of mankind. Whether you are the ruler or the ruled, you are utterly incapable of escaping the desire to explore the fate, mysteries, and destination of mankind. Much less are you capable of escaping the bewildering sense of emptiness. Such phenomena, which are common to all of mankind, are called social phenomena by sociologists, yet no great man can come forth to solve such problems. Man, after all, is man. The position and life of God cannot be replaced by any man. Mankind does not just require a fair society in which everyone is well-fed and is equal and free, but the salvation of God and His provision of life to them. Only when man receives the salvation of God and His provision of life to them can the needs, yearning to explore, and spiritual emptiness of man be resolved. If the people of a country or a nation are unable to receive the salvation and care of God, then such a country or nation will tread the road to ruin, toward darkness, and shall be annihilated by God.

Perhaps your country currently prospers, but if you allow your people to stray from God, then your country shall find itself increasingly bereft of the blessings of God. The civilization of your country shall be increasingly trampled underfoot, and before long the people shall rise up against God and curse Heaven. And so the fate of a country shall be unwittingly brought to ruin. God shall raise up powerful countries to deal with those countries that have been cursed by God, and may even wipe them from the face of the earth. The rise and fall of a country or nation is predicated upon whether its rulers worship God, and whether they lead their people closer to God and to worship Him. And yet, in this final era, because those who truly seek and worship God are increasingly scarce, God bestows special favor upon countries in which Christianity is the state religion. He gathers them together to form the relatively righteous camp of the world, while atheistic countries or those which do not worship the true God become the opponents of the righteous camp. In this way, God not only has a place among mankind in which to conduct His work, but also gains countries that can exercise righteous authority, so as to impose sanctions and restrictions on those countries that resist God. Yet despite this, still there are not more people who come forward to worship God, because man has strayed too far from Him, and God has been absent from the thoughts of man for too long. There remain on earth only countries that exercise righteousness and resist unrighteousness. But this is far from the wishes of God, for no country’s rulers will allow God to preside over their people, and no political party shall gather together its people to worship God; God has lost His rightful place in the heart of every country, nation, ruling party, and even in the heart of every person. Although righteous forces do exist in this world, rule in which God holds no place in the heart of man is fragile. Without the blessing of God, the political arena shall fall into disarray and become vulnerable to attack. For mankind, being without the blessing of God is like having no sunshine. Regardless of how assiduously rulers make contributions to their people, irrespective of how many righteous conferences mankind holds together, none of this shall turn things around or alter the fate of mankind. Man believes that a country in which people are fed and clothed, in which they live together peacefully, is a good country, and one with good leadership. But God does not think so. He believes that a country in which no one worships Him is one that He shall annihilate. Man’s way of thinking is too much at odds with that of God. If the head of a country does not worship God, then the fate of this country shall be a tragic one, and the country shall have no destination.

God does not partake in the politics of man, yet the fate of a country or nation is controlled by God. God controls this world and the entire universe. The fate of man and the plan of God are intimately connected, and no man, country or nation is exempt from the sovereignty of God. If man wishes to know his fate, then he must come before God. God shall cause those who follow and worship Him to prosper, and shall bring decline and extinction upon those who resist and reject Him.

Recall the scene in the Bible when God wrought destruction upon Sodom, and think also of how Lot’s wife became a pillar of salt. Think back to how the people of Nineveh repented their sins in sackcloth and ashes, and recall what followed after the Jews nailed Jesus to the cross 2,000 years ago. The Jews were expelled from Israel and fled to countries around the world. Many were killed, and the entire Jewish nation was subjected to unprecedented destruction. They had nailed God to the cross—committed a heinous crime—and provoked the disposition of God. They were made to pay for what they did, were made to bear the consequences of their actions. They condemned God, rejected God, and so they had but one fate: to be punished by God. This is the bitter consequence and disaster that their rulers brought upon their country and nation.

Today, God has returned to the world to do His work. His first stop is the grand assemblage of dictatorial rulers: China, the staunch bastion of atheism. God has gained a group of people by His wisdom and power. During the period, He is hunted by China’s ruling party in every means and subjected to great suffering, with no place to rest His head and unable to find a shelter. Despite this, God still continues the work He intends to do: He utters His voice and spreads the gospel. None can fathom the almightiness of God. In China, a country that regards God as an enemy, God has never ceased His work. Instead, more people have accepted His work and word, for God does all He can to save each and every member of mankind. We trust that no country or power can stand in the way of what God wishes to achieve. Those that obstruct God’s work, resist the word of God, disturb and impair the plan of God shall ultimately be punished by God. He who defies the work of God shall be sent to hell; any country that defies the work of God shall be destroyed; any nation that rises up to oppose the work of God shall be wiped from this earth, and shall cease to exist. I urge the people of all nations, countries, and even industries to listen to the voice of God, to behold the work of God, to pay attention to the fate of mankind, thus making God the most holy, the most honorable, the highest, and the only object of worship among mankind, and allowing the whole of mankind to live under the blessing of God, just as the descendants of Abraham lived under the promise of Jehovah, and just as Adam and Eve, who were originally made by God, lived in the Garden of Eden.

The work of God is like mightily surging waves. No one can detain Him, and no one can halt His footsteps. Only those who listen carefully to His words, and who seek and thirst for Him, can follow His footsteps and receive His promise. Those who do not shall be subjected to overwhelming disaster and deserved punishment.

#voice of God #Jehovah #the truth #gospel #word of God #Almighty God

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btsjeonjazz · 7 years

Text

New toy II pt.1

Jungkook x reader

genre: smut, fluff, sub!jungkook

word count: 8.5k

Your new neighbour turns out to be the perfect toy for you.

You and your sister, Mia, lived together in a semi-detached house, the other half empty for a while now. Since you were in your early twentieth you decided to move in with Mia, your parents finding it the best choice as you just started to work, saving some money to move out and live on your own a few years from now on. She was two years older than you, earning her money as a lady bartender on the weekends and making your life less boring. You had a strong bond as siblings, always ready to play and have fun. It even reached as far as sharing one guy in college and after a disaster you decided to play only with bets, seeing who gets the guy. It was quite a while ago the last time you and Mia made a bet over a boy in some expensive club, unfortunately Mia won, getting half of your monthly wage.

The summer only started, the huge pool in the garden steadily filling with water as you came home from work, your music droning through the garden. You sat on one of your sun loungers, scrolling through some social media apps as you heard a big truck driving through your driveway to the porch of the other half of your shared home. New neighbours? It was over half a year empty so someone new would be a drastic change, in behaviour and relaxation. Mia and you threw parties more often than you went to shop for food, it was no problem as you lived alone, but some square, conservative people would be complete horror, destroying your peaceful life.

“Just drop them off”, a low, melodious voice was heard from the other side of the gardens, the small, white fence parting the gardens from each other, but you were able to look straight to the other side. And what you saw let you drop your jaw, gulping at the sight of the man's voice.

He was tall, brown hair falling in locks into his forehead, skin glowing under the tight, white shirt which was drenched in sweat, making it transparent. His chest was board, abs defined as you could see through the soaked fabric. But what made your mouth water wasn't his prominent biceps or the rather cute, round glasses, no it were his thighs. God, they were so thick and toned under the ripped, light blue jeans he wore, his muscles moving as he dropped down to lay a box on the ground. Luckily he bent over your way so you could stare at his ass, the jeans stretched over it, showing black boxers over at hem of his jeans. You straightened yourself into a sitting position, phone falling into your lap as you observed his athletic body and the cute face of his. Sadly you couldn't really see it, but what you could make out was enough for you to wish for a wonder that he would turn out to be your new neighbour.

As you slid closer to the edge of your sun lounger to get a better view you noticed that another guy was packed with some cartons, dropping them down next to the hot boy with the dark hair. Your already open mouth widening at his appearance as well. It was definitely your lucky day if these fucking hot guys turned out to move in next to you.

The other one had lighter hair, straight, soft locks brushed out of his tanned face. He had the same height as his friend, wearing a fancy shirt to black, wide pants, his skin tone a shade darker, but just as glowing as the others. His body was slim, but you bet underneath his wide shirt lay toned muscles, maybe not as distinct as his friends, but soft and delicious. They were so beautiful and utterly handsome!

You felt no shame to stare at them in pure astonishment, the heat of the sun marking your skin as you sat right under it, leaving the shelter of the shadow behind whereas you tried to overhear some pieces of their conversation. With crossed fingers you prayed for them to be your new neighbours, but as you closed your eyes for a short while to send your prayer heavenwards a manly voice reached your ears.

“Excuse me, are you living here?”

Your eyes shot open, flying to the direction of the voice and your heart sunk to the bottom as you saw that the both guys you found so unbelievably attractive looked at you, hands on the small fence in front of them. A swift move and you stood up, lasciviously slandering to your own fence, leaning against it.

“What else would I do here?”, you asked cockily, brows pulled up with a small smile playing on your lips. Now you were curious which voice you heard.

Both guys grinned at your response, pointing out the obvious situation. The boy in the white shirt got your attention the moment you lay eyes on him at this distance. He was more than handsome, his slightly tanned face, the big brown doe eyes and his pink mouth, the lower lip far more prominent than his almost non existent upper one so pretty you had to blink. Underneath his bottom lip lay a small mole in the centre, making him utterly cute, the big glasses only emphasizing your opinion.

“Ah, yeah, what a dumb question”, his friend announced, waking you from your stare. It was the same voice you heard calling out to you. “I should introduce us. I'm Taehyung and this is my best friend and now flatmate Jungkook. We're moving in today and have a problem finding the junction box, so we thought you might help us.” He was charming, his good-looking face contoured in a friendly expression, his pretty red lips turned upwards as he looked at you.

Your arms lay on the fence, a bright smile on your face while you processed his words. Okay, now stay calm, you reprimanded yourself, your mind celebrating with loud cheers that god had heard your prayers. There two delicious guys would be living here starting today.

“Sure thing. Is a description enough or should I come over?”, your voice was laced with hidden, nasty feelings as you brushed your hair out of your face, your arm pushing your breasts up to lay them on display for the boys. Taehyung and his friend, Jungkook, both followed your motion, focusing on the skin your were revealing. The attention on your breasts made you snicker. Man, they would be so easy to play with, at least Jungkook would, turning red at the sight unlike Taehyung whose dark eyebrows were cocked up, a smirk on his lips.

“If you come over you can show us other things, too”, Taehyung grinned, eyes glanced down your boobs. “Where to find the water supply in the basement and so on, of course.”

Jungkook was seemingly startled at the bluntness of his friend, his doe eyes getting wide as you nodded, walking inside to grab your key and slander to their porch a few metres away. Your revealing outfit didn't hinder you as you turned around the corner, waving the guys to you which still stood on the same spot as before.

“Hey”, you said, reaching for their hands to shake them one after the other. Taehyung greeted you, a smirk tracing his face, but Jungkook shyly took your hand, his warmth tingling on your skin. “I'm y/n. It's nice to have such attractive neighbours”, you announced bluntly, shaking Jungkook's hand a little too long while eating him from up close. “Cats got you tongue?” Your question was directed to the guy with the dark thatch who didn't look into your eyes.

“N-no, nice to meet you, y/n”, he said, his voice giving you goosebumps.

In your head you pictured him. Underneath you as you teased him, played with his body while he whimpered and whined for you. Jungkook would be the perfect toy as he seemed shy, reserved, but was definitely the hottest guy you had ever laid eyes on. Not even your sister, Mia would be able to stop you from your doing and you wouldn't make a bet on it as he was the one you really wanted. Maybe over Taehyung, but this you would see, but Jungkook was yours, no matter what. You just needed a plan to get him into your bedroom and find out if he was content with the idea of you commanding him, pushing him around ere you fucked his brain out. The thoughts made your mouth water while your eyes narrowed to his t-shirt in front of you. The same view you were able to witness from afar made you speechless. He was more than hot, your core starting to tingle as you focused on his chest and abs being pulled up and down from his breathing.

You showed them around, the most necessary gadgets showing. By the time you went around you tried to stay as close to Jungkook as possible, his friend constantly chatting with you. You pushed your chest into his arm, hit his shoulder playfully at every joke of Taehyung and tried to get Jungkook into a conversation, which was more difficult than you imagined. But as you finished your tour, he seemed to defrost next to you.

“So, are you living alone?”, it was the first question you got from Jungkook that day, surprising you while you three climbed up the steps of the stairs leading back up from the basement.

“No, unfortunately not. My sister is my flatmate since after college”, you replied, turning around to catch him staring at your legs. Sneaky little bastard, not getting a word out, but staring? The pictures in your head stretched, punishments conceiving.

“Mhm, okay”, was all he said, clearly distracted from the way you swung your hips from side to side.

As you stepped out into the sun again you heard an unknown manly voice shouting for your new neighbours. “Tae? Kookie? I brought Cloud.”

Cloud? What was going on? You wondered what the stranger wanted, but while the guys excitingly rushed to their front door you heard it. A bark. Not as high pitched, but high enough to know that it should be a small dog which awaited the boys.

“Cloud!”, Jungkook jumped to the white, little fluff ball which excitingly waggled its tail as it heard Jungkook's voice. The dog was cute, you had to admit, white curly fur to floppy ears while it ran towards his owner, jumping up his legs.

“You didn't mention that you two own a dog”, you declared, crossing your arms.

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders, smiling as he observed his friend's actions. “Cloud is Jungkook's dog. I have my own back at my parents”, he said, smiling at you. “Don't play with Jungkook's heart, got it? I see that you're devouring him with your eyes.”

“I would only do what we both want to do, so relax” you patted his shoulder before you walked to his friend and his dog. “It is so cute. Can I pet it or does it bite?”

“It is he and no, he is tame”, Jungkook said, lifting his dog up into his arms for you to pet it. “Do you like dogs?”

You smiled, he wasn't just shy, but had a caring heart and a playful side as he snuggled his face in his dog's fur. Cloud barked again, liking his owner's face to which Jungkook groaned. The perplexed expression on his pretty face made you giggle, a hand holding in front of Cloud's muzzle. He smelled at your hand before you touched his head, stroking over his soft fur.

“I love dogs! Oh, he is so soft”, you marvelled, running your hand through the white fur a few times, the dog starting to lick your skin. “It tickles”, you laughed, looking up to Jungkook who stared at you, eyes wider than before. You pulled your hand away, the dog staring at your action.

Jungkook let Cloud down, the dog now running around your legs. “He likes you”, Jungkook's voice was laced with happiness.

You crouched down, stroking over the dog's head as Taehyung joined you two, his arm wrapping around his friends shoulder to whisper something in his ear. The boy's eyebrows cocked up at the words, his eyes glancing towards you. As if you didn't notice you played with Cloud, your attention tracing up again. But ere you could do anything, a female, familiar voice filled the air around you.

“Y/n! I searched for you!”, Mia, your sister shouted over the fence angrily, her attire to different from yours as she came back from her other part time job.

A waving motion you signalled her that everything was alright.

“I guess I should say good-bye for now”, you told the boys, standing up from your position on the ground, some dirt on your knees. “See you, Taehyung.”

“We wanted to throw a house-warming party the next weeks and as you have such a huge pool, how about we throw it together?”, Taehyung stepped closer, pulling his friend with him.

“Sure thing”, you answered, licking your bottom lip at the thought. “Let's talk about it these days and come over as often as you like, guys.”

“Bye, y/n”, it was Jungkook's voice and a slight smirk contoured your rose lips.

“Bye bye, Jungkook”, you winked, walking the same way as before, hips swinging, over to your half of the house.

“I don't bet with you, Mia. Go and fuck Taehyung, but Jungkook's mine”, you announced, arms crossed as you stared at your sister with furrowed brows. “I tell you, he is submissive, a cute lover and this is why I wanna play with him as you love to be dominated anyway.”

“You have a point”, Mia gave you credit for the words you spoke, declaring the obviousness.

You had a heavy argument after coming home. She wanted to bet on Jungkook, but you explained that you wouldn't play with him like that as he was a shy, caring guy and not a toy like the other guys you played with normally. Therefore you tried to kick the idea of Mia's out of her head.

“If you really want to bet, then how about making Taehyung beg for you? Think you can do this?”, it was a compromise you wanted to make after Mia's disappointed glance. As you soothed her, her expression lighted up, her lips pursing into a light smirk.

“What do I get if I succeed?”

“I'm not partying for one month.”

“Deal!”, Mia grinned. “You know that you are fucked, y/n? It's summer and not going out is the horror.”

You shrugged, it was a part of your plan to get Jungkook into your panties and therefore you even dealt with not going out with Mia for the next month, if she accomplished her task.

Not even two weeks later you heard the bell ringing. It was past ten on a friday night, Mia getting ready to work as you decided to make it a cozy night, movies, some snacks and your beloved sheet masks. Annoyed you opened the front door, expecting it to be Mia's colleagues which wanted to pick her up for work. Instead of an unamused co-worker of hers, Taehyung and Jungkook stood on your porch, your annoyance vanishing immediately.

“Hey, y/n, I hope we don't disturb you”, Jungkook greeted you, the last days were a constant back an forth teasing him, but not in the way you wanted to, yet.

“What's up guys? Need something again?”, you asked, letting them inside. They visited the last week, asking for some utensils for their food, lastly staying over to watch some TV as you cooked.

“No, not exactly”, Taehyung replied following you in the living room ere you three sat down on the couch. “We wanted to tell you that we decided to throw the party next weekend, if you and your sister have time and want to celebrate with us.”

You listened to Tae, nodding at his words while you slid further to Jungkook who sat next to you. With a swift motion you lay your hand innocently on his toned thighs, feeling how he tensed under your palm. You had to repress a grin at his reaction, but leaned only into him, shoulder pressed against his. Tae noticed and cocked his brows up, his signature knowing smirk on his lips. You winked at him as to why he coughed, hiding his laugh. Jungkook on the other side stared straight down on your hand, his muscles still tensing.

“I think we should be free that weekend”, you replied right away. “Mia will be excited.” With wiggling eyebrows you looked at Taehyung, his cheeks turning a shade darker. Mia told you that they exchanged some dirty messages the last days and she was sure to win the bet at their house-warming party. She even showed you some nudes their exchanged and you had to admit that Taehyung really was eye-catching, his dick even more prominent than you thought.

“How's Cloud doing?”, you turned your direction towards Jungkook, squeezing his thigh lightly.

His head shot in your direction, his sweet, manly scent filling your nostril the moment the breeze of his motion made its way to you. You loved his smell, manly, but with a mixture of sweetness and soap. Therefore you inhaled more deeply, taking in his fragrance without him noticing.

“He's good, but the new environment is taking its toll on him. The last days he refused to eat as much, but it's going back up”, Jungkook smiled as he talked about his dog, a sparkle in his doe eyes whenever someone mentioned Cloud. He was way too cute, having a big heart and weak spot for the things he loved. Also was it a good theme to get him to finally talk a little as he let Taehyung speak mostly.

“I'm going, y/n-”, Mia stopped dead in her tracks as she saw your neighbours on your couch next to you. “Hey, Tae.”

“Hey, Mia”, Taehyung responded, licking his lips the moment he saw her in the door, her outfit for work revealing much to earn more tips this night. You noticed that he already ate out of her hand and this meant you would be forced to stay home for the next month.

“Can you leave for a moment, y/n? Take Jungkook with you”, Mia asked you, motioning to the staircase next to her. You nodded taking Jungkook's hand in yours ere you rushed upstairs, pulling the hot guy with you.

You opened the door to your bedroom, leading him straight to the bed to sit down. He was undoubtedly tensed, his face contoured with shock and eyes laced with nervousness as he sat down next to you, your hand still holding his big one. You felt sweat forming inside your palms and had to repress a giggle at his reactions again.

“Jungkook, you're too tensed around me. I'm not going to bite you”, you said, loosening your grip around his hand to slide your fingers delicately over his thighs which were covered in grey sweatpants. Thank you, Mia! It was time to start and find out with what the boy would be comfortable. Therefore you traced further up, skipping the down-low area to his abs. A finger slowly sliding over the fabric of his signature white shirt you saw him in almost every day, while locking eyes with a the doe eyed boy. His emotions told you that he was shy, but liked what you implied with your fingers.

“You need to relax, Kookie”, you whispered, leaning in on him, your face several centimetres away from his.

Jungkook nodded, his dark thatch wiggling up and down, looking at your parted lips, thinking you wanted him to kiss you wherefore he also leaned in, ready to press his lips shyly on yours. But you didn't plan to kiss him, not yet and not that easily. As the tanned boy closed his eyes, his lips dangerously close to yours you put your head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his strong scent you found so intoxicating. The hand on his stomach reached up, wrapping lazily around his throat as you tardily pressed it close, Jungkook's breath hitching at your move. Jungkook seemingly didn't expect you to do something like that, but didn't back away.

“You smell so nice, Kookie and your body is so damn fine”, you purred, – using a nickname for your play - pressing your lips on the warm skin of his neck to which he flinched, not expecting your lips.

“I-is that so?”, he asked weakly, his hands closing into fists on his lap. You saw him trembling lightly, the heat of his body increasing.

“It is. You drive me crazy since you moved in”, another purr followed by another light squeeze ere you lined your path back down, fingers tapping on his broad chest. “You have no idea how many times I thought about you..”

The boy said nothing, but as you looked up, leaning back to see his face, a bright pink colored his cheeks, his bottom lips pulled between his bunny teeth, a tiny dimple showing. He wore his round glasses again, making his doe eyes even bigger.

“Say something, Kookie”, you whined, hand falling right on his lap and you felt his member. He was semi-hard, his cock feeling prominent even now. The thought alone made your mouth water and your pussy tight. You wanted him, but it should take its time before you would sit down on his thighs to make him squirm beneath you.

“I think you're very sexy, too”, his voice was barely audible, making you smile. But it wasn't enough for you to even start anything.

Therefore you pressed your hand down onto his covered cock, Jungkook flinching again, but a small whimper falling from his lips. “Is that all? You never even thought about hooking up with me? Oh, you might missed my tries to get your attention.”

The boy shook his head, his eyes locking with yours. “You can bet that I saw you!”

You shot him a knowing smile, mischief lacing it as you bit down on your lower lip. It would be a wonder if he hadn't seen your tries. As the days were super hot you decided to wear your tightest bikini, rolling your hips to some music and jumping in your pool whenever you saw Jungkook playing with Cloud or working in the garden. And you had caught him staring, palming his dick cheekily while trying to concentrate on his doing, failing. The next time you 'worked' your way around the gutter, standing on a ladder only wearing a mini skirt, asking Jungkook to hold the wobbling rack. Of course you wore a pink thong, standing wide legged on the step while faking cleaning the gutter only to make him blush. Every once in a while you looked down to see his eyes focused on your clothed pussy, the short pants revealing his erect cock. It made so much fun to tease him that you enjoyed how he squirmed under your touch, remembering the scenes you did extra for him.

“Mhm”, you hummed, feeling how his dick inflated under your palm, so you pulled away his thatch turning in your direction. Oh boy. “I think we should go back down, Taehyung is sincerely lonely by now”, you said all sweetness in your voice hidden beneath your usual cheerful tune. Jungkook only stared at you, confusion and regret laying in his brown orbs which told you that you had the silent permission to go on with the next steps.

The sight which greeted you made you stop in your track, Jungkook barging into you from behind, hands grabbing your arms not to fall forwards.

Taehyung had lipstick all around his face, neck and over to the hem of his sweatpants, t-shirt laying on the floor. You knew it was Mia's doing, the guy lightly panting but all alone in the room. Grinning you motioned to the door.

“I think you need some rest, Tae”, you chuckled as he stood up, legs wobbling while staggering towards the two of you. “See you the next days, guys.”

You took Jungkook's hands as Taehyung made his way outside, squeezing it softly as you bit down your lip. He imitated your action before he was gone.

It was a late Tuesday night, you had planned to cook after work, but as you started to relax on the couch you fell asleep. Cursing you jumped up as you saw how late it was already so you decided to rush to the convenience store a few blocks away to grab some easy food.

After friday you saw your neighbours, and especially Jungkook, only briefly the next day. Unfortunately you had to work late the last days so you had not time to think about a way to make Jungkook less tensed around you. Only after your exhausting work time you contemplated a bit, and decided that the next time you two were alone was the best way to start things from scratch. You didn't know how he would react so you wanted to let it come if it was time.

While strolling through the dark streets you felt happy. Finally working, earning money, living 'alone' and maybe a new toy was everything you needed. It wasn't much, but enough for you to feel free, inhaling the warm breezes of the summer night, smiling to yourself.

The store in sight you were taken aback who sat outside the shop. Cloud. With large steps you reached the white fluff ball, crouching down to pat his head.

“Hey, baby boy”, you greeted him in a high pitched voice, hyping the small dog. “Is Jungkookie inside?” The dog waggled his tail, licking your hands as you stroked his back, the fur unbelievably soft underneath your palm. “I'm back in a minute, be a nice little dog, yes?.”

With that you entered the store, searching for a familiar dark thatch. You found him bent over a shelf full of chocolates. It matched his personality, the sweetness of chocolate just like his character.

“I like the mini chocolate cakes the most”, you announced, the boy frightened at the sudden sound right behind his back. Jungkook turned around, his face flushed that it was you who made him flinch.

“Are they good?”, he asked, voice telling you that he was uneasy and shook from your appearance.

“The best”, you replied, grabbing two of the mini cakes before you looked around for some instant noodles. “Are you here to buy sweets?”

Jungkook followed you through the convenience store, scratching his neck. “Y-yeah.”

You found him utterly cute and his charming diffidence making him interesting. “Mind if we go back home together? It's pretty late”, you asked him, voice as sweet as the cakes you had in your hands.

The boy nodded hastily, snatching what he needed ere he took the stuff you had in your hands as well. It was a fast purchase as you two stood at the checkout. You fished in your pocket for the money, but Jungkook shook his head.

“I do it”, he said shyly, dropping the food on the counter to pay the cashier.

You bit down on your bottom lip. Jungkook was too pure, but you felt how you blushed at his gentleman like action, an unusual behaviour of yours.

The two of you exited the store in silence, Jungkook carrying the bags for you as he tried to unfasten Cloud's leash from the bank Jungkook had tied him up. You watched as he struggled, so you helped him, taking the leash in your hand.

“May I hold Cloud for the way back?”, you asked stroking the white dog which was happy you two were back. “He is irresistibly cute.”

Jungkook chuckled, a newly discovered sound reaching you. “Sure you can.”

The first block you passed no one said a word, but while walking so intimate side by side you turned around, seeing how the tanned boy bit down on his mini chocolate cake.

“How is it to live here?”

Jungkook glanced at you ere he looked straight ahead again, his eyes in the distance. “It's nicer than I imagined”, he bit down on his plump lower lip. “Having such nice neighbours is a blessing.”

You giggled, getting what he meant and you had to admit that you didn't think he was able to say something like this.

“I'm sorry, it was unnatural, wasn't it? Tae gave me the advice to be a bit bolder”, Jungkook narrowed his eyes, the pink hue of his cheeks increasing even in the street lights.

“It's fine. I like you better the way you are”, you honestly said, moving closer to him. With one hand you held Cloud who walked in front of you two, the other arm linking with Jungkook's to which his view flew to you, wide eyes locking with yours. “That's okay, right?”

He nodded again, his Adam's apple bobbling up and down as he gulped. “It-it is.”

Jungkook was a nice guy, letting you do whatever you liked without complaining and therefore your heart beat faster, thinking about the possibilities you had with him in bed. The tingling feeling you had every time you lay eyes one the handsome boy, tightening your core again. Just like this you walked back home. You told him stories about the city, making suggestions which locations you two had to visit together as the boy slowly started to relax and even talked with you more than a word.

“You should most definitely go to the club my sister works at. It's quite expensive, but the drinks and music are just perfect!”, you declared excited.

“If you want we could do it after out house-warming party this weekend”, Jungkook suggested, his eyes crinkled as he shot you a bunny smile. God, he had such a angelic smile, his teeth a row of pearly whites.

“I gladly accept”, you responded, squeezing his arm with your hand. The next corner signalled for you that you arrived at your semi-detached house. Jungkook entered your home, dropping your light bag on the kitchen counter ere he turned around to leave.

At the porch you stood across each other, Cloud sitting at his owner's feet, looking up to you.

“Thanks for paying and carrying my stuff”, you said, pulling his face down with your small hands. You placed a soft kiss on his cheek to which Jungkook closed his eyes, his lips turned upwards into a shy smile. He wanted to pull away, but your grip was solid as you cheekily used the situation of his closed eyes to press your lips on his pink, pretty ones. Only for an instant, body closing the distance to press your stomach into his core. His lips tasted sweet, like the chocolate cake you shared on the way, addicting as he stood still, not moving an inch as you pulled away as fast as you kissed him.

“Bye, Jungkookie”, you whispered pushing his tall body back to close the door in a swift movement. Behind the door you saw Jungkook's shadow for several seconds ere he left. It was one thing to kiss him, but a totally different one now that you wanted him, badly. Therefore you decided to attack the night of the pool party.

Step one was to get Jungkook's attention. Step two separating him from his group of friends ere step three followed. Making him squirm underneath you.

Unfortunately it was completely different.

The moment he laid eyes on you the late afternoon his face was a shade darker, ears red and he didn't even try to talk to you after saying a hasty 'hey'. He seemed to avoid you, but your plan wasn't to leave the party alone tonight. Therefore you went inside, snatching some alcohol in your tight bikini, a transparent cloth around your hips before you went outside again, mingling to the group of friends in which Jungkook stood.

Many people came, girls and boys alike, all in bathing attire, having fun, drinking and dancing around the pool of yours. Mia pulled Taehyung with her straight away as he entered your garden, so Jungkook had to host their house-warming party alone for a while.

“What's up?”, you said, handing some drinks to the small group which collected around the pool, legs swung over the edge into the cold water.

Some guys turned around, so did Jungkook, checking you out from top to toe ere they smiled at you.

“Nice garden”, a boy said, sitting next to your potential toy. “Thanks for having us!”

You smiled, positioning yourself between two guys, away from Jungkook. His gaze followed you, you could feel it on your back as you dipped your feet into the water.

“Sure thing. Jungkook asked me, so I couldn't resist to say yes”, you winked in his direction, his stare narrowing down to the pool's surface. Shy as always, huh?

“Since when are you such a playboy, Kookie?”, the boy next to him nudged his friend to which Jungkook looked at him, frustration and disbelief tracing his big brown eyes. He shook his head, hands held up in defence.

“I-I'm not a playboy!”

“He definitely isn't”, you laughed, turning the steps around inside your head as to why you decided to maybe just tease him tonight, nothing more. “But he has his perks”, you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, gaze flying over his naked torso, his abs and broad chest mirroring the reflected sun. Jungkook was more than good-looking, broad, tall, thick thighs and absolutely pretty, but was too shy to take advantage of his body. And therefore it gave you.

“Y/n”, Jungkook's voice was a whine, music in your ears. It was a sound you wanted to hear more often.

“Did I say too much? Sorry”, you stood up, grinning down on him as you walked past the group, dropping the bottle of alcohol next to Jungkook ere you crouched down, hand on his neck as you whispered in his ear. “I hope you watch me tonight, Jungkookie. It's all for you.”

After saying this you loosened the knot around your hips to let your cloth fall into his lap. Then you opened your hair, giving him your sunglasses ere you jumped into the pool, the guests laughing and starting to jump in after you finally opened the pool time, the afternoon sun burning on their bodies. You loomed out of the surface, signalling the boy's to jump in as well and so they did, except for the tanned boy with the bunny smile who watched the others playing around. You swam to him, taking him by the knees as you positioned yourself between his thighs.

“Come in. The water feels so nice on my skin”, you said, licking the drops of water from your lips. “You should play with me”, you pouted, tapping his thighs ere you splashed water onto his abs, the cold water making them flex.

“Yah, stop it”, he chuckled, laying your stuff beside him. “I'll go, so stop!”

You didn't stop, splashing more and more cold water on his burning body, the boy jumping up as fast as he could. “Jungkookie~”, you called his name, giggling as he glanced at you, faked anger on his face. Maybe it was a good idea, he seemed to relax more and more around you after the kiss.

“Don't say I haven't warned you”, he said, letting his toned body fall into the water right next to you, splashing waves of water in your face. He came up again, his dark hair laying drenched on his forehead, the bangs hiding his eyes as he ran through his thatch, revealing a pair of dark eyebrows. Okay, you had to admit it again. Jungkook was really beautiful, the new side of him with the hair stroked back making your legs weak. He looked so manly, his brows doing wonders on his angelic face as he was in daddy mode right the moment he showed his forehead. If you wouldn't have planned to make him whimper and beg, you definitely wanted him to do it to you with that god like, manly look.

“Happy now?”, he asked, swimming next to you to the edge.

“More than happy”, you smiled at him, turning around to make your way in front of him. “But I would be happier, if I could touch you, Jungkookie”, you explained, eyes tracing past the surface, showing him what you really wanted. This was the reason you jumped in in the first place.

The wet boy gulped as he followed your gaze, his eyes widening. “Y-y/n..I..”

“It's okay if you don't want to though”, you said, eyes locked with his while you slowly started to move away, but Jungkook stopped you. Just as you thought.

“That's not it..”, he said, voice quietly so no one would be listening to you two. “Aren't I too shy for you?” His gaze met yours, the dark orbs of his laced with diffidence and innocence. Oh, he was reserved, but you found him irresistible and appealing how he bit down on his wet lips, clearly nervous whenever you were around. You liked it about him, as if you were the only one he had eyes for.

“I like that about you”, you said honestly, encouraging him with a cheesy grin. “To be more specific, I love boys who are willing to do anything for me. In bed. And I really like the ones who let me do whatever I want to them.” It was out. The reason you wanted him blurted out right in his shocked face.

Jungkook's doe eyes got wide, his mouth opening to respond something, but closing as he just gulped.

“You're shy, but I would kill hearing you moan my name”, you leaned in, breathing in his fragrance, sweet cologne mixed with sunscreen. “So, so bad, Jungkookie. I get wet just by thinking about you. Whimpering. Moaning. Squirming. While I play with you”, with the first word you touched his chest, the boy flinching almost unnoticeable. By the next word you slid your fingers to his abs and by the last words you grabbed the front of his shorts, feeling his erect cock. He liked what you told him and this fact made you grin to yourself, your desire for him fuelling.

“And I think you would fit perfectly underneath me, tied up with that toned body of yours, Jungkookie”, you purred close to his ear to which the boy tensed up. The hand on his member pressed down, wrapping around his dick over the material of his swim shorts. He was big, his length thick and warm while you leaned back, eyes finding his. “Tell me when to stop.” Your voice was serious as you didn't want to overstep what he was comfortable with.

Jungkook nodded, eyes tracing around the pool to observe if someone noticed what was going on under the water. Well, if someone decided to dive right next to you they would see, but therefore you got closer, body pressed into his. The shy boy started to enjoy your hand on his clothed cock, hips moving forward with every squeeze you did, hard but not painful.

“Be a good boy, Jungkookie, and pull your dick out for me. I want to see you”, another purr close to his ear. Heat rushed to Jungkook's cheeks, but he didn't complain as his hand disappeared down to push his shorts a few centimetres down, his cock springing free. He was huge, his dick so delicious looking as its owner, making your mouth water again. You wouldn't mind to dive right in to suck him off, but that wasn't part of your plan. Instead you watched as his hand was around the edge of the pool again, you only shaking your head.

“I want you to touch yourself for me”, you whispered, fingers tracing over his length ere you let both hands slide over his chest. “Be a good boy, will you?”

He obeyed immediately, not wasting a second as one of his hand vanished under the water's surface as the other lay lazily over the edge not seeming suspicious at all. His obedience made you smirk, he really was a good boy. Therefore you pulled your bikini top slightly down, revealing more skin to his rather humble attitude.

“Say something, Jungkookie”, you ordered, hands tapping on his chest. “Will you be mine?”

“I-I want to be, y-yes”, he stuttered, orbs narrowed down to his crotch and so you did. He held his cock in his big, veiny hand, stroking tardily up and down his length which peaked out of the shorts. You shook your head again, hands sliding down to pull his pants down, ass touching the wall of the pool. Jungkook's glance got wide at your action, but you just cocked your eyebrows up, signalling him to go on. You died to see Jungkook come in the pool from his own hand while you whispered profanities in his ears.

“Come on, I want to see you come in front of everyone”, you said, leaning close to Jungkook to lay your head next to his ear to have better access. “Show me what that cute cock of yours can do.”

That little shit scoffed at your words, not believing you said his cock was small. Well, it wasn't, but he mustn't know right now. But despite his reaction did you feel his hand moving, tracing over your stomach with every stroke.

“What if someone sees?”, the tensed boy asked, his motion never stopping anyway.

“No one will see, I'm pressed against you, can't you see?”, you brushed your pressed breasts over his skin, the move revealing your nipples shortly to which Jungkook's breath stuck in his throat. It aroused him to see you like this, teasing him, showing skin to his display. Therefore he began to run his hand faster over his cock, the water making it difficult to move as it wasn't the best lubrication.

“I bet you want to touch me, Jungkookie”, your voice was louder than before, his hair standing up on his neck while you traced your fingers from his chest to his shoulders, squeezing them. “Seeing my wet pussy, tight and so hot only for you. That's what you really want, right? Oh, yo need to earn such rewards, Jungkookie.”

Jungkook flinched, his actions getting heavier and you were sure that he wouldn't last long if you continued to talk such profanities with that low, seductive voice of yours while standing so close to him, your body covered with nothing more than a tight bikini.

“Answer me”, you commanded, voice strict as you hit his shoulders.

“I want to see you, y/n..so bad”, he whimpered, eyes roaming around the garden. “I feel so dirty to jerk off right here..”

You hummed, pressing your lips shortly on his neck ere you leaned back, the boy's view locking with yours. His tanned face was wet, from water and sweat as his breath started to rise up to the point he almost panted. You liked the state he was in while you adjusted your top, showing him your breasts as you pulled it seductively up to place it on its right place again, wrapping around your erect nipples. He on the other side whined at the sight, hand reached out to touch you, but you hissed as to why he didn't do it.

“Just looking, Jungkookie. Better make sure you touch yourself a little more. I want to see your little dick spurting out some cum”, you licked your lips, hands finding his skin again ere one slid down, pinching his throbbing dick under water. “You seem so eager to come.”

Your neighbour nodded hastily, muffling his upcoming moan with his free hand at your teasing. Therefore you grabbed his tip, moving your fingers fast on top of it, skin pushing back and forth. He started to moan into his hand, the other stroking mercilessly over his dick.

“If you come right here, you may get a gift afterwards”, you giggled, fingers pulling away from his hard member to which the dark haired boy whined again. A melodious sound you wanted to hear to its fullest in your bedroom.

“I..I'm so close”, Jungkook's voice was a whisper, the waves radiating from your bodies a little odd as the others danced in the pool behind you. But before you got the chance to allow him to come a voice disturbed your nasty actions.

“Kookie, the party is awesome! So many hot girls, you lucky bastard”, the boy from before reported from behind you, only a metre away from the panting guy who jerked off for you in the pool. You nudged Jungkook, forcing him to answer as his movements stopped. His hands got in touch with the surface, getting him a break from his close release which you found not amusing. Therefore you grabbed his dick in your hand, squeezing it tightly, Jungkook closing his eyes to control his moans.

“You should check out Lin, she..w-watches you the..whole day already”, Jungkook tried to fob his friend off as fast as possible. “Go and get h..her!” You violently pressed down on his cock, stroking it as slowly as you could with as much pressure as you squeezed him, his body tensing and trembling as he spoke to his friend.

The guy behind you watched the host out of half closed eyes ere he shrugged his shoulders, thanking his friend with a grin as he made his way towards a thick, beautiful girl on the other side of the pool.

“Who allowed you to fucking stop?”, you hissed, pinching his cock which made the tanned guy whimper. “No one and as you were so bad, you won't get a reward.” Your voice was laced with anger, making Jungkook look at you out of big, apologising eyes, but you wouldn't give in. Instead you motioned down for him to go on with your little game.

“I'm sorry, but he-”

“Shut up, Jungkookie. Come for me”, you demanded, eyes strict as they burned into his, a hand immediately going down again. He started to jerk off, the sweat on his forehead flowing down, chest heaving as you grinned, nodding your head satisfied with his submissiveness.

After a few strong stokes Jungkook grabbed the edge of the pool, clearly close to shooting his load in the water.

“Y-y/n, I think I come”, he whined your name, leaning in on you as you smirked, patting his abs which flexed uncontrollably.

“Already?”, you asked, faked frustration in your voice. He lasted pretty long for someone whose 'crush' stood in front of him, showing so much skin and touching his cock. “Meek, Jungkookie. I thought you lasted longer”, disappointed you shook you head, the guy whining quietly, his face completely red by now.

“I'm so s-sorry..but I can't hold it in anymore...fuck”, another whimper, your juices dripping down into your tight panties with every sound leaving his pink lips. You felt aroused, the tingling feeling in your core getting stronger while you pressed your legs together. Tonight you had to fuck yourself, the pictures of submissive, cute Jungkook panting in the pool, asking so obediently for his release got you going. Your own heat wanted to be touched, but this had to wait as you really wanted to see sexy Jungkook shoot his cum out in front of you.

“Lean back”, you commanded, pushing him to the edge while you separated yourself several centimetres to see his hand around his throbbing cock. Jungkook stroked himself heavily, his abs flexing as his eyes were narrowed down onto your tits. His knuckles turning white, veins tracing up from his hands to his arms while his hand moved around in circling motion around his pulsating cock. He looked more than ready, his tip swollen red, the water washing his pre cum away. At this sight your pussy contradicted around nothing, tightening only from the view. It was too bad he behaved not like you wanted him to that you contemplated of not fucking him the next week even though your pussy ached, folds already soaked with arousal.

“Now come for me, you naughty boy”, you purred, fingers sliding over his chest again as he closed his eyes, brows furrowed while he bit down heavily on his bottom lip to muffle the sounds which wanted to press through his throat. White spurts of cum shot out his cock, thighs tensing underneath the water while he began to tremble.

“F-fuck”, the only sound leaving his dark pink lips, swollen from his biting, reached your ears, quietly and breathless ere he leaned back. The hand around his cock brushed his skin back and forth in slow motion, more and more of his seeds filling the area you and Jungkook were positioned in. His lips quivered while whines escaped them.

Without warning you leaned in, your lips brushing against his trembling ones before you reached down to his crotch, a finger sliding over his slid wherefore Jungkook twitched before you pulled his shorts back up.

“I never thought that you're such a dirty boy, Jungkookie”, your voice was sweeter than chocolate as you pushed your body through the water, further away from him. “Disgusting.”

You turned around, leaving the panting guy behind you who was shocked at your words, heat flushing his already rose cheeks a shade darker. It was everything else but disgusting and you were more than sure to make yourself come countless times with the picture of panting Jungkook, jerking off in the pool, people partying around you two while your dirty talk made him come. Smirking you used the ladder to climb out of the pool, crouching down next to Jungkook who hadn't moved an inch.

“Let's have fun more often, Jungkookie.”

3K notes · View notes

mizalsayf · 7 years

Text

Avalanche

~MASTERLIST~

Summary: Aveline has always been a strong, leading woman in the Sanctuary's community. But one unfortunate event makes her walls crumble and show her bare self. What will happen when that breakdown occurs right in front of Negan?

Word Count: 4911 (ooops.)

A/N: Hello everyone! This is my part for @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash's writing challenge 2. My prompt was 'Mirror, mirror' and I also created an OC with a mental health illness. Thank you so much for letting me participate!

Writing this has been a challenge for me, since I have the same illnesses as the OC and I may have gotten a little carried away. I also began writing another fanfic that I was too shy to post yet, so I wanted this one to be like a start to everything.

I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it! On a side note, this is my first time writing smut. So, all I can say is I'm sorry. ^^

Warnings: Negan's language, smut, emotions (like a LOT), description of a panic attack and depression, so a little angst?

(gif originally posted by @irene-jmargs)

"What could possibly go wrong?"

Turns out today hasn't been a successful day for anybody. The people at Alexandria didn't have the required amount of supplies for the Saviors and some chick decided that it would be wise to shoot Lucille. Which made Negan completely lose it.

Now, Aveline was driving one of the empty trucks with Negan in the passenger seat back to the Sanctuary. The silence between them was almost unbearable to her. She knew Negan was furious that someone scarred his precious barbed-wire baseball bat. Negan's gaze turned towards her about every tenth second, but she kept her gaze firmly on the empty, crumbled road.

Aveline was one of Negan's best saviors. She was strategically smart and an extraordinary shoot. In her eyes, her greatest weakness was her extremely ridiculous crush on the cunning leader ever since she arrived at the Sanctuary. It wasn't just his looks, there was no denying that he was one of the best-looking men she has ever seen in her life. But she felt like there was something hidden underneath his 'tough leader' persona. The hard shell with a soft core.

When she heard the gunshot echo through the tense air in Alexandria, her heart almost dropped in her panties and she thought that Negan wouldn't be standing there anymore. Instead, joined Spencer on the floor, that was the moment she knew she had to be careful with her feelings around him.

All of a sudden, she felt a familiar feeling rise within her. She held onto the steering wheel tighter and took several deep breaths trying to compose herself. But she knew her attempts were in vain, so Aveline decided to slow down the truck.

Her heartbeat quickened as if it's going to burst out of her chest any minute. Her chest felt tight but also huge- the tension was something oddly painful. She felt herself get dizzy and the little figures in her brain were running in circles, screaming.

Negan's head shot in her direction and with narrowed eyes he questioned, "Aveline, what the fuck are you doing?" She didn't respond, she couldn't. Her breathing turned into a heavy pant as she began to tremble like a chihuahua. Negan was totally oblivious to the battle that has just begun within her small body, her silence only added to his annoyance.

The panting soon morphed into a hyperventilating breath, her stomach was doing backflips like it was a gymnast at the Olympics and she clawed the next thing within her reach so she at least has some hold of reality.

'I'm going to die, oh god I can't breathe.' was all she kept thinking.

At this point, Negan totally forgot his annoyance and was rather lost because, for the first time in forever, he simply didn't know what to do. When Negan saw her normally lively chestnut eyes looking almost as the ones the undead had, he knew she was going through something not even she could control.

The other trucks were slowly rolling up and Negan saw Simon halting right beside them. Negan gave his right-hand a sign that they should keep driving and that they'll catch up. To which the man gave a curt nod but not before glancing over to Aveline with a concerned look.

When Simon drove off, Negan turned his body in Aveline's general direction. He didn't say anything, he knew now that she was experiencing a panic attack and if he tried to comfort her it would only make it worse. He was still worried though, it reminded him of that time when Lucille had one right before she… he always hated himself that he couldn't even help her with that.

After what felt like hours - but were just a few minutes - Aveline's breathing and heart rate returned to its normal pace and she didn't feel like she was suffocating anymore. She exhaustedly sunk into the worn-out driver's seat and closed her burning eyes, trying to relax, and forget that she just had a panic attack in front of their sadistic leader.

She opens her eyes again and goes to turn on the engine of the truck but a big, calloused hand stops her. Aveline turns towards Negan, "Negan, we need to get back to the Sanctuary, let me drive!" he looks at her like she was some kind of alien and responds in a tone that leaves no further room for argument, "I'm fucking driving and that's final. Do you honestly think that you're able to fucking drive after what the fuck just happened?"

Aveline gave him a dangerous side-eye but complied anyway, she knew he was right, and got out of the truck to walk around it and get in the passenger seat. Negan turned on the truck and began to drive back to the Sanctuary.

While driving, Negan kept checking on Aveline. She slowly got annoyed by his pitying look. "Could you please, for the love of god, stop looking at me like that?" she shot at him but quickly realized that it was still Negan she was talking to, she surely didn't want any kind of punishment. So, she slumped back in the seat and absentmindedly casted her glance out of the window, she needed to get out of this damn truck.

---

When they finally arrived back at the Sanctuary, Aveline jumped out of the truck and made a beeline for the house she was living in. Negan looked after her, thinking what he could do to get her spirits up again. He didn't know how to describe the feelings that began to grow in his heart. He thought that he locked his heart and threw the key far away. But somehow, this woman had an exact copy of that key and unlocked it. This feeling was more than the want to feel her sliding up and down his dick, he wanted to feel her embraces, her kisses, hear her 'good morning's' and 'good night's', all those little things.

He thought nobody noticed the way he was staring after her. That was, until Simon walked up to him. "Y'know you should just tell her or at least make an effort to impress her. Because you sure as hell ain't showing any kind of effort with having five wives." He smirked but put his hands in the air in surrender and raised his eyebrows when Negan shot him a dirty look.

Negan knew Simon was right, though he would never admit it.

---

Aveline bursts into her spacious room then immediately locks it and with that, her thoughts go to a dark place they haven't been in a long time. She begins to pace her room like an impatient lioness waiting to be fed and stops dead in her tracks when she spots her reflection in the full-length mirror she has right beside her bed. Her eyes begin to travel up and down her own body several times.

Never had she ever felt so vulnerable in her life than when she had the panic attack in the truck.

She stared at herself and pointed all the things she hated about herself out in her head. At the moment she was at a low that was unexplainable to her. She felt like she had no reason to become depressed again or have any of those negative thoughts. At least, that's what she thought.

---

A few hours later, Negan strolled through the hallways towards Aveline's room, he had everything mapped out and prepared for this special evening. Tonight, was all about her and he wanted to show her how serious he was. It was bizarre for him to act on his emotions like that, normally he never surrendered to them. Today was truly a deviant day for him.

He came to a halt in front of her heavy wooden door and wanted to open it but he thought better of it, he needed to be more gentlemanly tonight. So instead, he knocked.

On the other side of the door, Aveline's head snapped towards the door but she decided to ignore it. She wanted to be alone and let her thoughts consume her mind.

She looked back into the mirror, she just hated how she looked. Short, chubby, and not sexy at all. When she compared herself to Negan's wives, she was the exact opposite of every single one of them and she hated it. She hated that she couldn't just be attractive to Negan, he didn't even ask her to be a wife when she arrived. That told her more than enough. He asked every woman at the Sanctuary at least five times, so why not her too?

She felt the tears she was holding back all this time spill over. All the pent-up emotion, frustration and anger came busting through all at once. Like a beaver dam that wasn't strong enough to hold back the river anymore. She grabbed the nearest object and hurled it at the mirror smashing it into millions of pieces.

Negan just raised his hand to knock again when he heard a shattering noise coming from the other side. Without thinking, he took Lucille in a firm grip and swung her at Aveline's door with all his might.

When he busted through the door, he saw Aveline hunched over and a broken mirror in front of her. His eyes widened in surprise at what he was seeing, he didn't know what to do or how exactly to react. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't. He slowly walked towards her, "Aveline?" he asked hesitantly but she didn't turn towards him, she only continued to let the tears fall.

He crouched down next to Aveline and put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture and the other hand set Lucille aside by her nightstand. Hell, he was never good with words, most of his vocabulary consisted of curse words or insults.

She looked up at him through glassy, bloodshot eyes and was never so happy to see him than in that moment, as ironic as it seemed. She threw her arms around his neck and he tensed for a second, surprised by her actions, but eventually hugged her back while rocking her back and forth.

After her tears have stopped falling she breaks away from the embrace much to Negan's disappointment. He looks at her and takes her small hand in his own. "What do you want, Negan?" she asks in a raspy voice.

"C'mon, Aveline. I want to show you something." He begins to lead her out of the room and she follows him, too tired to complain or make a snarky remark.

---

Negan leads her up onto the roof and when she sees what he has prepared she gasps in surprise.

There was a small table under the beautiful, starry night sky. On top of said table were two plates, a pot that probably contained some food and a bottle of wine. She looked at Negan with big, curious eyes only to find him already staring at her, observing her reaction.

But boy, did the way she looked at him stir something down south.

"I-is that for me?" she asked in a very unsure tone. Negan nodded softly and led her to the table. He pulled out her chair as she sat down and sat in a chair right across from her.

He opened the bowl with their dinner inside and began to scoop the spaghetti into their plates. Aveline observed him closely, she wasn't sure what the hell was going on or why he acted so gentlemanly but she sure liked being treated nice for a change.

"Bon fucking appetite, doll." She nodded as a gesture that she wished him the same because she already began to spoon the tomato flavored goodness in her mouth. When she swallowed her first bite, she groaned at the delicious taste and turned her gaze from her plate to him. "This is delicious!" she exclaimed happily, good food always brought her spirits up. "Well, thank fucking god you like it." He laughed a little at her reaction when she seemed to have put the pieces together.

"Wait, did you make all of this?" she motioned around them, her mouth agape and eyes wide in pure surprise. "Aveline, do you really think so lowly of me? Of course, I fucking did!" he pretended to be hurt by her words but she seemed to think that he was being serious and began to stutter out an apology.

Negan quickly backtracked and assured her that it's okay and that he was only fucking with her. She began to relax when he assured her in his deep, throaty voice, how she wished he would say other things to her in that voice.

When their dinner plates are empty and the bottle of red wine seemed to empty just as easy, Negan asks her something that has been on his mind ever since they returned. "So, Aveline, why have you never told me that you suffer from fucking panic attacks?" Aveline stares at him for some time but eventually decides to just be honest for once, if it goes wrong she could blame the alcohol.

"Guess, I thought it didn't matter. I haven't had one ever since the apocalypse started." She shrugged and Negan felt himself get a little mad when he thought about the different place she could have gotten that panic attack, like in the middle of Alexandria. But before he could say anything she continued.

"And to answer the other question that was surely coming, I've had panic attacks for as long as I can remember, they didn't have a special trigger, they kind of were always there. I didn't have any kind of traumatic experience or bad childhood, they were my constant companion." She finished through a raspy voice not meeting his gaze once, she knew that it was full of pity and she didn't need that from anyone.

"I think that's the most frustrating part, I have nothing to blame it on. When I was in high school no one believed me when I missed school. I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't understand it yourself."

Negan couldn't bear the miserable state she was in anymore, he decided then and there that he would do everything in his power to keep her happy and sane.

He wanted to do everything right for her that he couldn't do right for Lucille.

He got up from his chair and crouched down next to Aveline. He took her hand in his and pulled her up, she just watched and followed every little movement he was doing and the barely readable expressions on his face.

When they were standing face to face, the top of her head fit perfectly under his chin, he looked at her intensely. The tension between them seemed to grow more with each passing second making it almost unbearable. Their faces inched closer without Aveline really noticing what was going on, it felt surreal like an out-of-body experience.

Aveline began to feel Negan's heated breath on her lips and she stared him in his hazel eyes, up close they were even more beautiful than from afar. They were silently asking for permission by flicking from her lips back up to her eyes. She took a deep breath, savoring his smell. Cigarettes, whiskey, and the smell of aftershave surrounded her and she might just have found a new favorite smell. She closed the space between their lips and with that giving him the okay he needed.

The kiss ignited a new flame in her, a flame she thought has died a long time ago.

His hand was resting at her neck while the other drew her closer to him by her waist. Aveline's hooked themselves around his neck and began to play with his soft, greying hair.

He groaned in satisfaction as he nibbled her lower lip with his teeth to which she gave a soft moan. The kiss started to intensify and Aveline had to hold him tighter as if he was the only solid thing in her dizzy world. Their tongues began to dance around each other, gentle but still with a hungry feel to it.

The kiss was so much more than Aveline ever imagined, but at the same time, it wasn't enough. It felt so right, and she never wanted to let him go again.

After some time, Aveline softly pushed him away by the chest and shook her head softly. "Negan, we can't. You know we can't, not the way you live your life. There is no space for me." She began to turn away from him but the arm he had around her waist tensed so there was no way for her to get away, not that she really wanted to leave his arms anyway.

"Yes, there fucking is Aveline. I fucking know that you're a little unsure about all of this because I had five fucking wives. But I won't hurt you, just give me a chance." Negan rarely had to ask somebody for anything but ever since he saw her break down like that, he didn't want to push her into anything that would end up hurting her.

"Wait what do you mean with 'had five wives'?" Aveline began to focus her gaze on his chest directly in front of her, now becoming aware of what he might have done just to get a chance with her. Not that she believed that he really was interested in her anyways. Still, she wanted to cling on that tiny bit of hope that surrounded her.

"Exactly what I fucking said, I'm serious." He affirmed as he lifted her chin for her anxious gaze to meet his serious one. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath placing her hand on his clean shaved cheek. He nuzzled in her delicate touch savoring the feel of her small hands as if he expected it to be the last time.

"Okay, but you have to hurt me once and I'm gone." She fixed her gaze into a hard stare. "I'll never fucking do that." He assures her and a big, goofy grin spreads across his face as relief washed over him.

She innocently smiles back at him and that was the last straw for him. He hastily took her hand in his and pulled her after him

---

"Since you don't have a fucking door anymore, you're going to live here." He opens the door to his gigantic room and motions her in first. "Wonder why's that." She mused in a teasing tone.

Before she had the time to look around his room, he turned her around and once again began to take her breath away with his heated kisses. He walked her back to the bed. He gently laid her down on the soft, grey sheets while het began to attack her neck, sucking and layering it with open-mouth kisses.

Aveline began to moan softly, almost too shy to make any noise that was confirming her pleasure to him. "C'mon, let me fucking hear you doll." That was all she needed to let her vocal cords set free and create a mind on its own.

Slowly his hands crept along the side of her torso down to her thighs and back up again. He put his knee in-between her thighs and she instantly grinded against him to create the friction she needed.

One of his hands crept to the buttons of the flannel she was wearing but she pushed them away, not wanting to see what awful surprise was hidden underneath. He noticed the way she was always dodging his hands or taking them in her own every time he got close to one of the buttons.

When Negan realized, there was no way he could do anything more, he lifted himself up and looked her directly in the eyes with a dissatisfied look. "What's wrong?" They were both panting heavily like they just participated in a triathlon. Aveline began to sit up on the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You wouldn't like what you see. I'm not as beautiful or sexy as your wives were. Negan, I'm scarred."

Negan inched closer to her face and put both of his hands on her neck. "You let me fucking be the judge for that." He soothed in a reassuring tone, Aveline took a deep breath and nodded.

He moved his hands to the buttons again and this time she let him undo them, shifting uncomfortably when he reached her stomach area.

He slid the rough fabric down her shoulders exposing her arms and pulled it completely off her. For a moment, she wanted to cross her arms over her chest again but he caught her by the wrist and let his eyes travel down her body.

Then, he noticed the scars.

They were spread on her forearms and belly and overall stood out on her beautiful porcelain skin. He looked back up into her eyes to find her staring at him in anxious anticipation. Negan laid her down on the bed again and lathered her torso and arms with kisses, sucking some spots.

Aveline closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his mouth all over her body. Tiny shudders ran up and down her spine and soft mewls left her mouth. She was relieved when he didn't ask any questions or made a disgusted face.

When he arrived at her neck area she took his face in her hands and pulled him up so they were face-to-face. "You're not disgusted." She mumbled more to herself than to him but he shook his head in confirmation. She smiled at him, the most genuine smile he has ever seen on anybody's face. He found himself always wanting to find that exact smile on her face whenever he said or did something.

Before Negan continued, he pulled her up off the bed and led her in front of his full-length mirror. She only had her red panties and a black bra on and he was sporting his grey boxers. He held onto her shoulders, pressed himself up against her backside and breathed on her neck.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the motherfucking strongest of them all? Who is the most badass of them all? Who has fucking made Negan himself give into his feelings instead of his fucking ego? Yes, that's fucking right. Aveline has."

She gasped silently at his words and her eyes widened. Never had someone ever made such an effort to comfort her or make her feel loved and proud of who she was.

Aveline turned her head so their noses were touching and he could see that she was on the verge of tears. He takes the opportunity to attach his mouth to hers once again and kiss her like the starving man he was.

She turned around and pressed herself up against him, moaning when she felt his erection press against her lower abdomen. His hands traveled to her ass and she took it as a sign to jump into his strong arms and wrap her legs around his waist. All her doubts revolving around her insecurities forgotten as he walked them back to the bed.

Aveline and Negan were now hastily getting rid of the rest of their clothing. She arched her back so he could undo the clasp of her bra and throw it across the room. As soon as her soft, round breasts were exposed to the chilly air in his room, Negan sucked one of her nipples in his mouth and began to scrape and pull it with his teeth. Aveline's hands tangled themselves in his dark hair, pulling him as close as she possibly could.

He began to roll his hips against hers to get some of the pent up tension out of his underwear. She seemed to notice this and pulled him away from her, pushing him to the side and pulling his underwear down.

When his erection sprung free, Aveline licked her bottom lip in excitement and squealed when he pulled her on top of him. He had a firm grip on her ass and she ran her hands up and down the planes of his chest making him sigh in contentment.

She began to kiss his neck all the way back to his ear and nibbled at it softly making him moan. He let his hands travel back to her breasts and massaged them with his calloused hands. "Jesus fuck, sweetheart. You have the most fucking amazing tits."

He dipped one hand in-between her legs, instantly feeling that she was dripping wet. As he found her clit, he began to rub it teasingly and whispered in a husky, deep voice. "Good lord, baby girl you're dripping! Is that all for me?"

At this point, Aveline was a puddle of pleasure searching for more friction. "Yes, oh god yes. Negan please."

"Please what?"

"Oh fuck, Negan please I need you in me now!"

If he wasn't such a man of self-control he would have come right here and there. Her needy voice was one of the most cock-hardening things he's ever heard.

He looked at her confused when she wanted to get off him. So, he held her firmly in place by her hips and began to rub circles.

"Where the fuck were you going?" he leaned up and let his breath tickle her neck as she shuddered. "I want you to ride me."

She pulled back and looked at him in a way that said 'Are you serious?'. But she didn't need an answer for that, because he was already laying back and pulled her with him. He took his sizable erection and aligned himself with her dripping entrance.

Before he pushed into her, he looked at her with loving eyes and kissed her forehead. She smiled softly at him and pushed her hips down onto his so they were hip-to-hip.

Aveline cried out in pleasure and Negan groaned at her tightness. "Fuck Negan, you're so big!" She began to bounce up and down on him. And just when he swore she couldn't get any sexier, she threw her head back and massaged her breasts.

At that moment, Aveline felt sexy, beautiful everything she never thought she would call herself and she loved it. The way he kept observing her every reaction and noticed when she wasn't comfortable just fueled the growing love she had for this man.

Riding Negan was now definitely one of Aveline's favorite things. Although, she had sex before she was always to insecure to do this position. But now that she was actually doing it, it felt like heaven on earth. The angle made him hit every right spot inside of her, so perfect that she already felt her walls tighten around him and the fire pool in her stomach.

Negan began to feel her clench around him, and her legs began to shake violently so he took her by the waist and shifted their positions.

"Oh shit, I think I'm gonna-" Aveline couldn't form sentences anymore as Negan thrusted into her at a merciless pace. She held onto his shoulders digging her nails into the skin and leaving scratch marks.

"Come on, baby come for me." His husky sex voice plus the way he began to suck at her neck sent her right over the edge. Aveline's vision began to fade to black as he fucked her in the same pace through her seemingly never ending orgasm.

When she gained her senses back, Negan was still pounding into her. She began to cry out as a second wave of pleasure hit her, like a hurricane destroying her in its wake.

Negan looked at her, panting onto her face and chasing his own sweet release. His thrust began to get sloppy and his veins began to come more prominent so Aveline knew he was close.

"Come with me, please." She begged innocently and that was all he needed for him to dissolve into pleasure. His hips jerked and he groaned loudly as she cried out again.

A thin layer of sweat was covering their bodies they were still panting heavily and Aveline's legs were shaking. He rose on his elbows to look down at the woman beneath him. She had her eyes closed but felt his gaze on her so she just smiled and she could feel his breath fan her face as he huffed a laugh.

Negan slowly slid out of her causing her to whine softly at the empty feeling inside her. He lifted the covers and slid the both of them under as he pulled her into his chest kissing the top of her head and savoring her smell.

Aveline sighed contently and kissed his throat repeatedly causing him to chuckle softly.

"That was amazing." She said not only to the mind-blowing sex they just had but about the whole night. Aveline closed her eyes, the after effects of having three orgasms slowly getting to her.

Before she drove off to sleep though she could swear that she heard Negan say something she never expected to hear from him.

"I love you, Aveline."

---

#jdm fanfiction #jeffrey dean morgan #ash's negan writing challenge #negan x oc #twd negan #negan fanfic #negan's thirst squad #negan smut #negan fanfiction #negan x ofc #negans-network #twd #avalanche

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sophiehadder-blog · 7 years

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The One Where Things Go Very Very Wrong

[TASK TWO: One Shot Free for All! Write any one shot, but must be 1500 minimum!]

Moments after the masquerade fiasco, Sophie rushes home distraught. Things are not as they seemed, months of control have vanished in a moment and no one knows where to go from here. All is not okay. She is not okay. [Final word count: 1602]

[TW Self Hate]

Sophie burst through the doors out of Town Hall, and in a flash she was running down the block. She hoisted her dress up with her hands The cold that had taken over her body wasn’t cold anymore, it was tingly, and as she ran the feeling only made it’s way further up her body.

The air burned in her lungs- one part fear, one part not being the athletic sister. It was awful. She was awful. (she was awful) (she was awful) (she was awful) A sob ripped through her throat, piercing the quiet night with her shame. The force of it made her stumble forwards and the momentary weakness urged the numbness further up and over her hips.

Unable to catch herself, she hit the ground hard, falling onto the pavement right in front of the shoppe. God- she wasn’t even that far from town hall- what if Tink came running after her- what if- if anyone came running after her? What would she do? How would she explain? there was no explaining this- what she was- why she was. (a freak) (cursed) (a runaway) (a coward) (a failure)

She fumbled painfully for the keys in her purse- her purse. She had left her purse at the coat check. Of course- of fucking course of fucking course she had. (it was of no surprise to anyone) (she couldn’t do anything right) (why would she have remembered that she had left her keys there) (she couldn’t even go out for a night without fucking everything up) (ruining it for everyone) (she was a fucking idiot)

By this point, the tingling in her body had made its way well up her torso and was threatening to take over her arms. Threatening to incapacitate the last of her functions. Threatening to make her go through this on the pavement outside her own home. Feet away from safety. With a ragged breath she pulled herself to her feet, bracing against the brick wall of the storefront. It was harder to walk now, between her entire body feeling like it was asleep and the tears clouding her vision, nothing felt right. (it felt so so wrong) (this was wrong) (she was wrong) (what was wrong with her) All the same she stumbled forwards, along the wall, around the corner, into the little alley between her home and Town hall, past the dumpster near the back of the building and through the little gate into her little garden.

The gate swung shut behind her and Sophie collapsed yet again, but this time into the soft grass. The dew that had already formed on the blades- that was already getting a head start on tomorrow morning- stung against the scrapes on her hand, though she barely even registered it. The tingling was swirling around in her fingertips, making all of her movements lazy and without her permission it poured into her head, spreading out over her features and fogging up her head at a moment’s notice.

There was a beat. A brief silence in the night. Music was heard through the walls of the town hall, gently chiming away. People talked on the sidewalk, likely out for a smoke or to hail a cab. A couple flats over a dog barked at some invisible force- whether that be in the literal or figurative sense, no one would ever know. Sophie laid in the grass, she didn’t make a sound.

Grandma lifted her head. She was still teary eyed, still worried, still guilty, but she was also angry.

To be in this form at all, was already something deceiving. To be something that simply should not be possible. That should not be fathomed. Well, that was one thing. To learn to live with it, to make the most of the cards you were handed- to lead a double life in all of its facets and in all of its fullness. That was one thing. To be so scared and so nervous and so ashamed and to learn to love again, and to trust, only to have everything you had worked up to ripped out from under you in one foul swoop.

Well that was something completely different, now wasn’t it?

But she wasn’t going to cry about it, Sophie would certainly do more than enough of that for both of them. She would let the girl have her sadness, and her aching, but for as long as this god-awful body let her have control there would be no pity.

She stood up, jaw tight, chin high- eyes burning. The tingling was already starting to pool in her feet again- whatever the fuck had happened had completely thrown off her schedule. She had only just appeared and so soon after she would be gone again. Left helpless to stew.

Earlier in the day, she had left a vase on the table in the garden, something along the lines of intending to fill it with flowers and then being interrupted by a customer, or perhaps it was a phone call or a whim or something. But what that meant was that it just sat there, empty, waiting- for a purpose or for a chance or for some flowers, just waiting. Grandma stalked up to it and with one hand grabbed it by the neck and hurled it against the fence.

It collided with a mighty crash and sent shockwaves all along the old wood. The vase itself shattered on contact. Millions of tiny shards flew up into the air, momentarily illuminated by the moon before crashing down to earth, making a minefield of the flower patch.

She breathed heavily, her gaze fixed on the spot where the vase had collided. She felt better. Not good. But better.

The next thing to go were the gardening tools on the bench by the door. The plan had been to do some weeding tomorrow afternoon, of course she knew that the chances of Sophie leaving the house had just dramatically dropped, which meant they were basically a lost cause. The weight of the trowel in her hand kept her grounded, even as that sensation continued to creep up her legs. It was much faster than it had been before. Far too steady for the blood that raced through her, she flung the trowel against the fence. It clanged and this time the latter took all of the damage. Hearing it hit the ground, something inside of Grandma broke. Calculated rage wasn’t enough anymore.

As quickly as her numb legs could take her, she pushed through the back door into the house, slamming it shut behind her. That was better. She stomped through the house, whisking items off of tables and throwing them into opposite walls whenever she could.

First the pan. “She was doing so well, do you hear me?” And then the bowl. “She was living a normal life!” The hat mould. “She could’ve been happy! She was very nearly happy!” The container of beads. “But you had to-” Her copy of pride and prejudice. “punish her-” The bottle of wine. “for having done nothing wrong! What did she ever do to you to deserve a fate like this? ”

She spun around- finally face to face with what she had done. Somehow she was breathing more heavily. It was the even, loud breaths of someone who had just yelled at the top of their lungs to no one in particular.

Her workshop remained as something of a witness to her anger. The scene to a crime of passion, or vengeance or whatever they’d call it. Not that anyone would actually be calling it anything except for herself, in which case the right word was outburst.

She sunk back against the wall, having already worn herself out and sensing the tingling making its way back up her torso. Those old bones of hers weren’t made for reckless destruction, let alone holding back curses, so there wasn’t all that much she could do. As angry and frustrated as she was, the only option for now was resignation. Until her schedule sorted itself out again she doubted that she’d be leaving the house, but once that was done she would take it upon herself to get this sorted. Who cared if it meant the end for her- she was old, it was bound to happen eventually- but Young Sophie still had so much life left in her, and frankly she ought to be living it.

It was tiring, this whole constant transformation business. Part of her hoped that it wouldn’t keep on like this for too long- it’d make things dreadfully hard to get done. She closed her eyes, the sensation was about to overcome her yet again, though she knew it wouldn’t be long before she’d have another turn.

Sophie opened her eyes. The nerves that Grandma had been able to curb with pure will came back with a vengeance and before she could even register what was going on, before she could even get in a word- she had begun to cry again.

(it was stupid for her to think she could have tonight) (she didn’t deserved happiness) (it would never work out between her and Tink) (there was no way anyone could love a person like her) (not Tink) (not her own sisters) (or her father) (not even herself) (she was too pathetic to love) (too big of a loser and a coward)

Sliding down until she found the ground, Sophie sighed- a pathetic little whimper of a sigh.

Where to go from here?

She didn’t know.

(when had she ever?)

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dcnativegal · 4 years

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My “Spiritual Biography”

Written during Lent 2020 to share with our parish, St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, Lakeview Oregon.

The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order… the continuous thread of revelation. Eudora Welty

My paternal great grandmother, Margaret Turner, converted to Christian Science in the late 1800s when the denomination was just starting. Mary Baker Eddy was a single mother, and lived in New England, apparently influenced by the Transcendentalists, and the spare liturgy of the Congregationalists and the Society of Friends. My grandmother, Ruth Turner Lincoln, kept the faith for her 90 plus years, and reared my dad and aunt in Christian Science as well. The 5 direct descendants of Ruth Turner Lincoln are none of us Christian Scientists now, but we were all molded by it.

My maternal grandmother tried Christian Science because my mother was, in my Nana’s words, a ‘high strung sensitive little stinker.’ Apparently, something about worship and the ideas of “The Science & Health with Key to the Scriptures” calmed my mother.

The unfortunate thing about “Christian Science” is that it was started before antibiotics. Mary Baker Eddy could not foresee any real purpose to the male-dominated medical science of the time, which had only morphine to show for its efforts. My mother died at age 55 of preventable medical problems, and her mother, who converted to help my mother, died at 65 after receiving zero treatment or rehabilitation following a stroke. It had been my turn to sleep in the next room to turn Nana in the night, and I was the one who found her dead, cold, in her bed. I was 15.

Is it any wonder that I am a medical social worker, bringing people to health care and health care to people?

God is truly brilliant at making lemonade out of lemons.

One profound gift of the otherwise short-sighted Mary Baker Eddy is her affirmation of the feminine aspects of God. Other mystics, including 14th Century writer Julian of Norwich, discerned the female and feminine aspects of God, too:

Here is Mary Baker Eddy’s version of the Lord’s Prayer:

Our Father which art in heaven, Our Father-Mother God, all-harmonious,

Hallowed be Thy name. Adorable One.

Thy kingdom come. Thy kingdom is come; Thou art ever-present.

Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Enable us to know, — as in heaven, so on earth, — God is omnipotent, supreme.

Give us this day our daily bread; Give us grace for to-day; feed the famished affections;

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And Love is reﬂected in love;

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil;

And God leadeth us not into temptation, but delivereth us from sin, disease, and death.

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.

For God is inﬁnite, all-power, all Life, Truth, Love, over all, and All.

From Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, pp. 16–17

This feminine language for God/ess was a gift from the faith of my chilhood. So, too, was a sense of loving prescence which expands beyond any denomination or religion and was a healthy part of my family culture.

If I had to choose only one motto, it would be this one by Thomas Merton: We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent, and God is shining through it all the time.

I recall being very small and stuck in an elevator in one of the many apartment buildings we lived in, wondering when someone would find me. I said to myself, there’s not a spot where God is not.I was rescued, of course, and the voice of a loving God, reassured a 4 year old in a sweet two line poem.

Whether it was my mother’s romanticized liberal politics, Sunday School teachers, or stories about Jesus forgiving 70 times 7, but somehow I absorbed a profound sense of God’s mercy, and therefore our duty to love even our ‘enemies.’ I remember when my bicycle was stolen for the umpteenth time, my mother admonished me to pray for the kid who stole it. I’m sure I was very grumpy about the whole thing but somehow it sunk in that even thieves are redeemable. God shone through those bicycle thieves, and my mother’s forgiving idealism. My mother was crazy, (alas, Christian Science failed to heal either body or mind) but she could also be very loving.

In high school I began hanging out at a community center attached to an Episcopal church on the grounds of the Washington National Cathedral, where presidents have funerals and a stained glass window has an actual moon rock embedded in the center.

The Episcopal Church sucked me in, and the summer I turned 17, I attended a week-long camp in Orkney Springs West Virginia. There I met a black man 9 years my senior, a seminarian, who introduced me to the parish I would call a second family for 40 years, until I moved to the Oregon Outback. I joined St. Stephen & the Incarnation that fall, was baptized there at age 22, (since Christian Science doesn’t ‘do’ baptisms.) I worked as parish secretary before graduate school, was Senior Warden and then chair of the search committee twice over the decades. I met and married my one and only husband, and breastfed my children in its pews. My current partner, Valerie, started attending when she began to winter in DC. God shone through those windows and in the candles we lit every Sunday. Even when I was so depressed that I could only weep and walk around the edge of the sanctuary during worship, I knew I was home and I could share God there.

You know how Alice Walker said in The Color Purple, that people come to church to SHARE God and not find God. She also said, that God made the color purple and gets put out when we don’t stop and admire.

The Episcopal Church showed me that I love liturgy, with the words and song sweeping us to Holy Eucharist. I love the Book of Common Prayer, especially this one prayer from Compline:

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.

St. Alban’s Pipeline Community Center had a youth group called Forum which provided discerning counselors to us addlepated adolescents. One of them suggested that I find a therapist. I was apparently the first self-referred teenager the clinic could remember (not court mandated or dragged in by a parent.) At age 16, I started seeing a woman who transformed my life, not the least reason of which was that she was wealthy and decided to put me through social work school ten years after I started to see her. I’ve gone on to find other deeply healing therapists: their names are Patricia, Kitty, Celia, and Darcy. God shone through each of them.

Now after 34 years as a social worker, I am growing into a halfway decent psychotherapist here in Lake County. I feel in a way that I’ve been preparing for this job my entire life. And most days, I also feel profoundly inadequate to the task at hand.

Early in my social work life, I worked on an oncology floor where many of the patients I came to know, died. God shone through the nurses there, who were tough and funny, highly skilled and hardworking. God shone through the oncologists, and the residents and interns, the respiratory therapists and the phlebotomists, and an amazing aide named Adams. If you were dying, you wanted to be bathed by Adams. Sometimes it was harder to see God shining through the terrified patients and stunned family members. In my late 20s, I grappled with the problem of evil in the dying of people who did not want to die. I came to appreciate the story of Job, rewritten in books like “Letter to the Man in the Fire” by Reynolds Price, and “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Rabbi Kirschner. I began to see that ‘shit happens’ and that the very same ‘shit’ is not a punishment, nor is it a lesson that the cancer patient somehow ‘chose’ to bring on themselves.

I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy. Louise Bogan

God has shone through to me in the writings of Anne Lamott. She is one hilarious Christian:

Unfortunately, change is not my strong suit. Neither is forgiveness, or letting go. Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it. But the willingness to let go comes from the pain: and pain makes us willing to change, and effort to change changes you, and jiggles the spirit, gets to it somehow, to our deepest, hardest, most beautiful, ruined parts. And then Spirit expands, because that is its nature, and it drags along the body, and finally, the mind.

Anne Lamott, Salon.com, 9/26/03

God has shone through many films, including Best Picture of 2001, American Beauty in which these words are spoken while a guy is courting a girl, impressing her with something he’d filmed, a plastic bag blowing in a winter wind:

He says,

I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force wanted me to know that there’s no reason to be afraid, ever… Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it and my heart is going to cave in.

Alan Ball, in screenplay of American Beauty via character of Ricky Fitts

[Here is the scene: https://youtu.be/V73598mBfKY]

When I was younger and before I became a mother, I discovered that famous letter the poet Rainer Marie Rilke wrote to a young man: I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Now that I am 60, I am living my way into the answers. And the mysteries continue. How is it that the best place for me to be, right now, is in Lake County, with an old school butch from Bly, with whom I’ve been lovers nearly 9 years? How is it that both my offspring are fascinating, profoundly moral, gifted and mostly happy creatures doing good in the world? How is it that a woman came up to me in Safeway on Friday and told me that months ago I made a recommendation to her and she thanked me for the profound improvements in her life since she chose to follow it?

As Martin Luther King Jr put it, Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. (From Strength to Love, 1963)

Thanks be to God. Amen.

#spirituality #pemachodron

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dailybiblelessons · 4 years

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Tuesday: Reflection on Easter

Hebrew Scripture Torah Lesson: Exodus 15:1-18

Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the Lord:

“I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously horse and rider he has thrown into the sea. “The Lord is my strength and my might, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him. “The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name.

“Pharaoh's chariots and his army he cast into the sea; his picked officers were sunk in the Red Sea. “The floods covered them; they went down into the depths like a stone. “Your right hand, O Lord, glorious in power– your right hand, O Lord, shattered the enemy. “In the greatness of your majesty you overthrew your adversaries; you sent out your fury, it consumed them like stubble. “At the blast of your nostrils the waters piled up, the floods stood up in a heap; the deeps congealed in the heart of the sea. “The enemy said, ‘I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil, my desire shall have its fill of them. I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.’ “You blew with your wind, the sea covered them; they sank like lead in the mighty waters.

“Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? “Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor, doing wonders? “You stretched out your right hand, the earth swallowed them.

“In your steadfast love you led the people whom you redeemed; you guided them by your strength to your holy abode. “The peoples heard, they trembled; pangs seized the inhabitants of Philistia. “Then the chiefs of Edom were dismayed; trembling seized the leaders of Moab; all the inhabitants of Canaan melted away. “Terror and dread fell upon them; by the might of your arm, they became still as a stone until your people, O Lord, passed by, until the people whom you acquired passed by. “You brought them in and planted them on the mountain of your own possession, the place, O Lord, that you made your abode, the sanctuary, O Lord, that your hands have established. “The Lord will reign forever and ever.”

Psalm 118:1-2, 14-24

O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his steadfast love endures forever!

Let Israel say, “His steadfast love endures forever.”

The Lord is my strength and my might; he has become my salvation.

There are glad songs of victory in the tents of the righteous: “The right hand of the Lord does valiantly; the right hand of the Lord is exalted; the right hand of the Lord does valiantly.” I shall not die, but I shall live, and recount the deeds of the Lord. The Lord has punished me severely, but he did not give me over to death.

Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord.

This is the gate of the Lord; the righteous shall enter through it.

I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation. The stone that the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone.¹ This is the Lord's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

New Testament Epistle Lesson: Colossians 3:12-17

As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Year A Easter 1 Tuesday

Selections are from Revised Common Lectionary Daily Readings copyright © 1995 by the Consultation on Common Texts. Unless otherwise indicated, Bible text is from New Revised Standard Version Bible (NRSV) copyright © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Image Credit: Colossians 3:14 was created by Michael Gilbertson using Photoshop, a public domain image, and text from the New Revised Standard Version. This image may be reused under the Creative Common Non-Commercial, Non-Derivatives 4.0 license.

#A Easter 1 Tuesday #Song of Moses #victory celebration #love #compassion

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marcusssanderson · 5 years

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Karma Quotes About What Goes Around & Comes Around In Our Life

Looking for inspirational karma quotes about life, respect and compassion? These karma quotes will make you think about how what goes around will come back.

Do you believe in Karma?

The idea of karma is thousands of years old, and simply put is that what we do and put out into the world comes back to us. Do you let the idea of karma guide your actions?

Everything you do comes back to you, whether it’s good or bad. We’re a reflection of what we put out into the world. If you constantly use and abuse people, life will use and abuse you.

If you dedicate your life to doing good, you will be rewarded. Stay positive and do you! What goes around will always come back around, so make sure you are always on your A game for love, compassion, and kindness.

Do you worry when you do something that is out of character, that you will be paid back someday, in some way, with bad karma?

Karma is a powerful and important concept to live by, as it keeps some of us on the right path.

Here are inspirational, wise, and profound karma quotes, karma sayings, and karma proverbs that will hopefully give you the motivation to stay on the right path, and to live a life that is full of goodness.

Karma Quotes and Wise Sayings About Life

1.) “There’s a natural law of karma that vindictive people, who go out of their way to hurt others, will end up broke and alone.”- Sylvester Stallone

2.) “If you give a good thing to the world, then over time your karma will be good, and you’ll receive good.”- Russell Simmons

3.) “I believe in Karma. If the good is sown, the good is collected. When positive things are made, that returns well.”- Yannick Noah

4.) “I try to live with the idea that karma is a very real thing. So I put out what I want to get back.”- Megan Fox

5.) “Karma moves in two directions. If we act virtuously, the seed we plant will result in happiness. If we act non-virtuously, suffering results.” – Saying Lipham

6.) “Still others commit all sorts of evil deeds, claiming karma doesn’t exist. They erroneously maintain that since everything is empty, committing evil isn’t wrong. Such persons fall into a hell of endless darkness with no hope of release. Those who are wise hold no such conception.”- Bohidharma

7.) “As long as karma exists, the world changes. There will always be karma to be taken care of.”- Nina Hagen

8.) “Contrary to popular misconception, karma has nothing to do with punishment and reward. It exists as part of our holographic universe’s binary or dualistic operating system only to teach us responsibility for our creations – and all things we experience are our creations.”- Sol Luckman

9.) “As she has planted, so does she harvest; such is the field of karma.”- Sri Guru Granth Sahib

Karma quotes about how what goes around comes around

10.) “Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.”- Elbert Hubbard

11.) “Sin makes its own hell, and goodness its own heaven.”- Mary Baker Eddy

12.) “People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.”- Edith Wharton

13.) “Realize that everything connects to everything else.”- Leonardo Da Vinci

14.) “Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”- Jessica Brody

15.) “If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.”- Kurt Cobain

16.) “Don’t waste time on revenge. The people who hurt you will eventually face their own karma.”- Author Unknown

17.) “What goes around comes back around.”- Author Unknown

18.) “Do good and good will follow you.”- Author Unknown

19.) “Karma bides it’s time. You will always have to watch out. Karma is unforgiving and always gets payback.”- Benjamin Bayani

20.) “You cannot do harm to someone because someone has done harm to you. You will pay just like they will.”- Ericka Williams

Karma quotes about friendship and love

21.) “Karma, simply put, is an action for an action, good or bad.”- Stephen Richards

22.) “No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you’re lucky, God will let you watch.”- Author Unknown

23.) “Karma has a surprising way of taking care of situations. All you have to do is to sit back and watch.” – Author Unknown

24.) “You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.”- Author Unknown

25.) “Every action has equal and opposite reaction. This is law of the universe and spares none. Wrong done and injustice inflicted is paid back in the same coin. No one has escaped justice of the universe. It is only a matter of time.”- Anil Sinha

Inspirational Quotes about Karma and Fate

26.) “Most times, how you treat your children is how they grow up to treat you.”- Terry Mark

27.) “Whatever you give to life, it gives you back. Do not hate anybody. The hatred which comes out from you will someday come back to you. Love others. And love will come back to you.”- Author Unknown

28.) “Nobody deserves misery but sometimes it’s just your turn.”- Author Unknown

29.) “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”- Wayne Dyer

30.) “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.”- Thích Nhất Hạnh

31.) “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

32.) “When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there. Just in case it needs help.”

33.) “If you give a good thing to the world, then over time your karma will be good, and you’ll receive well.”- Russell Simmons

34.) “According to the karma of past actions, one’s destiny unfolds, even though everyone wants to be so lucky.” – Sri Guru Grant Sahib

35.) “Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”

36.) “Worthless people blame their karma.”- Burmese Proverb

Karma quotes about lying, friendship and cheating

37.) “Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.”- Elbert Hubbard

38.) “Nothing happens by chance, by fate. You create your own fate by your actions. That’s Karma.”

39.) “Even if things don’t unfold the way you expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. One who continues to advance will win in the end.”

40.) “Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.”- Tryon Edwards

41.) “When you see a good person, think of becoming like her/him. When you see someone not so good, reflect on your own weak points.”

42.) “I was in the biggest breakdown of my life when I stopped crying long enough to let the words of my epiphany really sink in. That whore, karma, had finally made her way around, and had just bitch-slapped me right across the face. The realization only made me cry harder.”

43.) “For the keynote of the law of Karma is equilibrium, and nature is always working to restore that equilibrium whenever through man’s acts it is disturbed.”

44.) “There are the waves and there is the wind, seen and unseen forces. Everyone has these same elements in their lives, the seen and unseen, karma and free will.”- Kuna Yin

45.) “If you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times. In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control. The more love you give away, the more love you will have.”

46.) “Even chance meetings are the result of karma… Things in life are fated by our previous lives. That even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.”

47.) “It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others. This perspective is at the heart of Buddhist teachings.”

48.) “Life is painful. It has thorns, like the stem of a rose. Culture and art are the roses that bloom on the stem. The flower is yourself, your humanity. Art is the liberation of the humanity inside yourself.”

49.) “Is Fate getting what you deserve, or deserving what you get?”

50.) “Whatever we do lays a seed in our deepest consciousness, and one day that seed will grow.”- Sakyong Mipham

Karma quotes about life and love

51.) “Do something good today and in the future you will get repaid with something good too. Do something good. Get something good.”

52.) “Leave behind the passive dreaming of a rose-tinted future. The energy of happiness exists in living today with roots sunk firmly in reality’s soil.”

53.) “I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.”

54.) “Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.”- Edwin Hubbel Chapin

55.) “Your believing or not believing in karma has no effect on its existence, nor on its consequences to you. Just as a refusal to believe in the ocean would not prevent you from drowning.”

56.) “When you do something bad: it comes back to you later.”

57.) “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” –Anne Frank

58.) “Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point.”

59.) “If a householder moulds himself according to the circumstances just like nature moulds Herself according to seasons and performs his Karma then only shall he acquire happiness.”- Rig Veda

60.) “Sooner or later in life, we will all take our own turn being in the position we once had someone else in.”

61.) “Give up your selfishness, and you shall find peace; like water mingling with water, you shall merge in absorption.”- Sri Guru Granth Sahib

62.) “Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don’t even notice it.”- Sakyong Mipham

63.) “I’m a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it’s bad or good.”- Sandra Bullock

64.) “You must acknowledge and experience this part of the universe. Karma is intricate, too vast. You would, with your limited human senses, consider it too unfair. But you have tools to really, truly love. Loving the children is very important. But love everyone as you would love your children.” – Kuan Yin

Karma quotes and sayings from Gurus

65.) “People are entangled in the enjoyment of fine clothes, but gold and silver are only dust. They acquire beautiful horses and elephants, and ornate carriages of many kinds. They think of nothing else, and they forget all their relatives. They ignore their Creator; without the Name, they are impure.” – Sri Guru Granth Sahib

66.) “When someone has a strong intuitive connection, Buddhism suggests that it’s because of karma, some past connection.” – Richard Gere

67.) “Karma, ahhh. We sow what we reap… We reap what we sow! We reap what we sow. The law of cause and effect. And we are all under this law.”- Nina Hagen

68.) “Karma is not just about the troubles, but also about surmounting them.”- Rick Springfield

69.) “I would never disrespect any man, woman, chick or child out there. We’re all the same. What goes around comes around, and karma kicks us all in the butt in the end of the day.”- Angie Stone

Karma Quotes and Wise Sayings About Death

70.) “I never kill insects. If I see ants or spiders in the room, I pick them up and take them outside. Karma is everything.”- Holly Valance

71.) “When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.”- Harold Kushner

72.) “The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.”- Frederick Buechner

73.) “There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life — happiness, freedom, and peace of mind — are always attained by giving them to someone else.”- Peyton Conway March

74.) “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

75.) “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”- Albert Schweitzer

76.) “Karma is a balance sheet of life which debits and credit all your deeds. Which is audited by our creator and actions are based on what we accumulated in it.” ― Abhysheq Shukla

77.) “Don’t worry, eventually everything falls into its rightful place.” ― Fakeer Ishavardas

78.) “Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely. – Buddha

79.) “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” – Norman Cousins

80.) “Don’t send me flowers when I’m dead. If you like me, send them while I’m alive.” – Brian Clough

More Karma quotes about love and life

81.) “We don’t find love, love finds us. What you put out into the universe will find its way back to you.” ― Raneem Kayyali

82.) “We create karma by all kinds of selfish actions. The first thing we must understand is that we are psychologically asleep. It is very difficult for us to be conscious of ourselves. We are not very aware. We must come to recognize that we do not pay attention.” ― Abhysheq Shukla

83.) “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” – Wayne Dyer

84.) “Even if things don’t unfold the way you expected, don’t be disheartened or give up.” – Daisaku Ikeda

85.) “When you see a good person, think of becoming like her/him. When you see someone not so good, reflect on your own weak points.” ― Confucius

Other inspirational Karma quotes

86.) “Is Fate getting what you deserve, or deserving what you get?” ― Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts

87.) “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

88.) “Even chance meetings are the result of karma… Things in life are fated by our previous lives. That even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.” – Haruki Murakami

89.) “Karma moves in two directions. If we act virtuously, the seed we plant will result in happiness. If we act non-virtuously, suffering results.” – Sakyong Mipham

90.) “Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

What do you think about these quotes about Karma?

Whether or not you believe in it, there’s no harm in giving only kindness.

For what we sow, we also reap. If you’ve been wronged, pause and try to forgive the other person instead.

We’re all going through some obstacle in life.

Feel free to copy and take these quotes about karma everywhere with you.

Hopefully, these karma quotes should be a reminder for you to do good always. What other karma quotes would you add to the list? Let us know in the comment section below.

The post Karma Quotes About What Goes Around & Comes Around In Our Life appeared first on Everyday Power.

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dailyofficereadings · 5 years

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Daily Office Readings October 21, 2019

Psalm 25

Prayer for Guidance and for Deliverance

Of David.

1 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. 2 O my God, in you I trust; do not let me be put to shame; do not let my enemies exult over me. 3 Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame; let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

4 Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. 5 Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.

6 Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. 7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for your goodness’ sake, O Lord!

8 Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. 9 He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. 10 All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his decrees.

11 For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. 12 Who are they that fear the Lord? He will teach them the way that they should choose.

13 They will abide in prosperity, and their children shall possess the land. 14 The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes his covenant known to them. 15 My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 17 Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me[a] out of my distress. 18 Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.

19 Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. 20 O guard my life, and deliver me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 21 May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God, out of all its troubles.

Footnotes:

Psalm 25:17 Or The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 9

God’s Power and Justice

To the leader: according to Muth-labben. A Psalm of David.

1 I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. 2 I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

3 When my enemies turned back, they stumbled and perished before you. 4 For you have maintained my just cause; you have sat on the throne giving righteous judgment.

5 You have rebuked the nations, you have destroyed the wicked; you have blotted out their name forever and ever. 6 The enemies have vanished in everlasting ruins; their cities you have rooted out; the very memory of them has perished.

7 But the Lord sits enthroned forever, he has established his throne for judgment. 8 He judges the world with righteousness; he judges the peoples with equity.

9 The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10 And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

11 Sing praises to the Lord, who dwells in Zion. Declare his deeds among the peoples. 12 For he who avenges blood is mindful of them; he does not forget the cry of the afflicted.

13 Be gracious to me, O Lord. See what I suffer from those who hate me; you are the one who lifts me up from the gates of death, 14 so that I may recount all your praises, and, in the gates of daughter Zion, rejoice in your deliverance.

15 The nations have sunk in the pit that they made; in the net that they hid has their own foot been caught. 16 The Lord has made himself known, he has executed judgment; the wicked are snared in the work of their own hands.Higgaion. Selah

17 The wicked shall depart to Sheol, all the nations that forget God.

18 For the needy shall not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the poor perish forever.

19 Rise up, O Lord! Do not let mortals prevail; let the nations be judged before you. 20 Put them in fear, O Lord; let the nations know that they are only human.Selah

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

Psalm 15

Who Shall Abide in God’s Sanctuary?

A Psalm of David.

1 O Lord, who may abide in your tent? Who may dwell on your holy hill?

2 Those who walk blamelessly, and do what is right, and speak the truth from their heart; 3 who do not slander with their tongue, and do no evil to their friends, nor take up a reproach against their neighbors; 4 in whose eyes the wicked are despised, but who honor those who fear the Lord; who stand by their oath even to their hurt; 5 who do not lend money at interest, and do not take a bribe against the innocent.

Those who do these things shall never be moved.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

Jeremiah 44:1-14

Denunciation of Persistent Idolatry

44 The word that came to Jeremiah for all the Judeans living in the land of Egypt, at Migdol, at Tahpanhes, at Memphis, and in the land of Pathros, 2 Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: You yourselves have seen all the disaster that I have brought on Jerusalem and on all the towns of Judah. Look at them; today they are a desolation, without an inhabitant in them, 3 because of the wickedness that they committed, provoking me to anger, in that they went to make offerings and serve other gods that they had not known, neither they, nor you, nor your ancestors. 4 Yet I persistently sent to you all my servants the prophets, saying, “I beg you not to do this abominable thing that I hate!” 5 But they did not listen or incline their ear, to turn from their wickedness and make no offerings to other gods. 6 So my wrath and my anger were poured out and kindled in the towns of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem; and they became a waste and a desolation, as they still are today. 7 And now thus says the Lord God of hosts, the God of Israel: Why are you doing such great harm to yourselves, to cut off man and woman, child and infant, from the midst of Judah, leaving yourselves without a remnant? 8 Why do you provoke me to anger with the works of your hands, making offerings to other gods in the land of Egypt where you have come to settle? Will you be cut off and become an object of cursing and ridicule among all the nations of the earth? 9 Have you forgotten the crimes of your ancestors, of the kings of Judah, of their[a] wives, your own crimes and those of your wives, which they committed in the land of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem? 10 They have shown no contrition or fear to this day, nor have they walked in my law and my statutes that I set before you and before your ancestors.

11 Therefore thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: I am determined to bring disaster on you, to bring all Judah to an end. 12 I will take the remnant of Judah who are determined to come to the land of Egypt to settle, and they shall perish, everyone; in the land of Egypt they shall fall; by the sword and by famine they shall perish; from the least to the greatest, they shall die by the sword and by famine; and they shall become an object of execration and horror, of cursing and ridicule. 13 I will punish those who live in the land of Egypt, as I have punished Jerusalem, with the sword, with famine, and with pestilence, 14 so that none of the remnant of Judah who have come to settle in the land of Egypt shall escape or survive or return to the land of Judah. Although they long to go back to live there, they shall not go back, except some fugitives.

Footnotes:

Jeremiah 44:9 Heb his

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

1 Corinthians 15:30-41

30 And why are we putting ourselves in danger every hour? 31 I die every day! That is as certain, brothers and sisters,[a] as my boasting of you—a boast that I make in Christ Jesus our Lord. 32 If with merely human hopes I fought with wild animals at Ephesus, what would I have gained by it? If the dead are not raised,

“Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.”

33 Do not be deceived:

“Bad company ruins good morals.”

34 Come to a sober and right mind, and sin no more; for some people have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.

The Resurrection Body

35 But someone will ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come?” 36 Fool! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. 37 And as for what you sow, you do not sow the body that is to be, but a bare seed, perhaps of wheat or of some other grain. 38 But God gives it a body as he has chosen, and to each kind of seed its own body. 39 Not all flesh is alike, but there is one flesh for human beings, another for animals, another for birds, and another for fish. 40 There are both heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is one thing, and that of the earthly is another. 41 There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; indeed, star differs from star in glory.

Footnotes:

1 Corinthians 15:31 Gk brothers

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

Matthew 11:16-24

16 “But to what will I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to one another,

17 ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we wailed, and you did not mourn.’

18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon’; 19 the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.”[a]

Woes to Unrepentant Cities

20 Then he began to reproach the cities in which most of his deeds of power had been done, because they did not repent. 21 “Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the deeds of power done in you had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. 22 But I tell you, on the day of judgment it will be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon than for you. 23 And you, Capernaum,

will you be exalted to heaven? No, you will be brought down to Hades.

For if the deeds of power done in you had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day. 24 But I tell you that on the day of judgment it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom than for you.”

Footnotes:

Matthew 11:19 Other ancient authorities read children

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

#October 21 #2019

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skippyv20 · 5 years

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Thank you😁❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lost Cities of the world that have never been discovered…yet

There are many ancient myths and legends about cities and towns that vanished, were abandoned, or lost forever under mysterious circumstances. The most famous of these civilizations is the mythical Atlantis, which is said to have sunk into the ocean in a single day and night and remained lost forever. But there are also many lesser-known stories of lost civilizations over the course of human history from around the world.

Iram of the Pillars

Iram of the Pillars is a lost city mentioned in the Quran that rivals Atlantis in efforts made by humans to be the first to uncover a legend.

Little known outside the Islamic world, Iram, called “Atlantis of the Sands” by author T.E. Lawrence or City of the Tent Poles–referring to pillars that may have been in or around the city–is continually being sought by explorers. Scholars are divided on whether these pillars could be geographical features, an actual city, or even the tents of the tribe of indigenous people the Ad. Some have suggested Iram could be Alexandria, Damascus or the ancient city of Ubar.

A sketch of Iram of the Pillars .

According to the Quran, the Ad rejected the teachings of Allah and were living in a sinful manner. Allah sent the prophet Hud to bring the Ad back to His word but the Ad rejected him, refusing to listen. Allah punished the Ad by sending a sandstorm to plague them for seven days and seven nights, burying Iram and its people in the sand.

Archeologist and filmmaker Nicholas Clapp believes he has uncovered the city of Uber in Iram of the Pillars. Using NASA satellites, radar, and photographs taken by the Space Shuttle, Clapp’s team was able to identify old trading routes leading to an oasis in Shir, Dhofar Province. The excavation was begun in the 1990s leading to the discovery of a structure of towers connected by a series of high walls. Regrettably, the excavation work may have weakened the area around the base of the structure as sections of the structure were destroyed when a sinkhole opened.

Thinis

A tableau from the Book of the Dead (green-skinned Osiris is seated to the right). In ancient Egyptian religious cosmology, Thinis features as a mythical place in heaven.

Ancient Egyptian historian Manetho wrote that in the years 3100 to 3000 BC, Upper Egypt was approaching political unification. Ancient Egyptians had begun recording history by hieroglyphs for the first time and three small independently governed cities on the banks of the Nile, Thinis, Nekhen, and Naqada were vying for dominance of the area.

The armies of Thinis absorbed Naqada and went on to conquer lands in the lower Nile Valley. Manetho believed that Nekhen may have voluntarily merged with Thinis and for the first time Egypt was united under one ruling dynasty. According to Manetho, the final ruler of that dynasty, Narmer, sometimes known as Menes, was the first Pharaoh ruling under the divine right. When the seat of government was moved to Memphis, Thinis gradually faded in importance.

1st Dynastic King of Egypt, Menes or Narmer.

Nearby Abydos (Osireion pictured), after ceding its political rank to Thinis

Archeologists have found evidence of Narmer in hieroglyphics and ancient tablets such as The Narmer Palette, discovered in 1897 by the British archaeologists and authors, James Edward Quibell and Frederick Wastie Green in the Temple of Horus in Nekhen. The chevron shaped tablet glorifies the military success of Narmer in Lower Egypt and the approval of the Egyptian gods.

Hunefer’s Book of the Dead, detail from Anubis to Thoth. (Steven Zucker/

Unfortunately, no evidence of the city of Thinis has ever been found. It is hopeful that the remains of this important city in Ancient Egypt will someday be revealed along with its treasures.

The Hanging gardens of Babylon

Listed as one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon have never been demonstrated to have existed.

According to Babylonian priest Berossus, the ancient city of Babylon, which is believed to have existed near Babil Province in Iraq, was ruled by King Nebuchadnezzar II between 605 and 562 B.C. and it was he who commissioned the tiered gardens about 600 B.C. as a gift to his wife, Amytis.

While the plants did not actually hang, the illusion of hanging was completed by the overspill of the lush plants to the tier below.

Ruins of the North Palace of Nebuchadnezzar II , Babylon

No one can be certain if the Gardens ever existed as there are no references in written histories of the time other than Berossus and Diodorus Siculus, a Greek historian. Although the builders of the time were certainly capable of creating a large step terraced garden, nothing has been discovered by archaeological excavations along the Euphrates River.

Evidence may have been destroyed in an earthquake which struck the area in the second century or perhaps it has been hidden by the shifting sands near the Euphrates River, but no one knows with any certainty.

Paititi

High in the Andes Mountains in Peru, archaeologists and explorers have been on a quest to discover the legendary city of the Incas, Patiti.

Italian archaeologist Mario Polia has discovered the writings of missionary Andres Lopez in 1600. Lopez reported that a large city filled with gold and valuable jewels had been described by the locals but having never visited the site, Lopez’s writings are considered suspect.

Dozens of explorers have attempted to find the lost city of gold since the 1600s and documents provided by these explorers have placed Paititi in the junction of the Beni and the Madre de Dios rivers. Some believe that Paititi was actually in Bolivia causing Dr. Ari Siiriäinen and Dr. Martti Pärssinen from Helsinki to explore Las Piedras near the town of Riberalta in eastern Bolivia in 2001, but they failed to discover anything of consequence. Anthropologist Vera Tyuleneva has also made several expeditions in Bolivia without any conclusive evidence.

Paititi Treasures of ancient Inkas

In 2007 locals near Kimbiri, Peru reported large stone structures resembling a fortress had been found but the Peruvian government’s National Institute of Culture has disputed these discoveries, claiming they were merely natural deposits of sandstone.

Paititi in the Andes

The Amazon jungle surrounding the site believed to be that of Paititi is dense and extremely dangerous. Without a local to serve as a guide it is unlikely that explorers would be able to successfully make it through the jungle. Several explorers, including journalist Robert Nichols who entered the jungle in 1970 to look for Paititi, and Lars Hafskjold, whose expedition of 1997 searched near Bolivia, never returned.

Paraguay – The Prov of Rio de la Plata – cum regionibus adiacentibus Tvcvman et Sta. Cruz de la Sierra – ca 1600

No one knows the fate of Hafskjold but reports from Japanese law student, Yoshiharu Sekino, who went looking for Nichols, learned from natives that Nichols and his team were killed by indigenous Indian tribes after one of Nichols’ young associates had made a pass at a local Machiguenga woman.

Expeditions are still being mounted to find the lost Inca city and with the advance of new technology, it is entirely possible that someone will one day discover the ancient city of Patiti if it truly does exist.

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Daily Office Readings December 11, 2018 at 11:00PM

Psalm 38

A Penitent Sufferer’s Plea for Healing

A Psalm of David, for the memorial offering.

1 O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger, or discipline me in your wrath. 2 For your arrows have sunk into me, and your hand has come down on me.

3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin. 4 For my iniquities have gone over my head; they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.

5 My wounds grow foul and fester because of my foolishness; 6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate; all day long I go around mourning. 7 For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh. 8 I am utterly spent and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

9 O Lord, all my longing is known to you; my sighing is not hidden from you. 10 My heart throbs, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me. 11 My friends and companions stand aloof from my affliction, and my neighbors stand far off.

12 Those who seek my life lay their snares; those who seek to hurt me speak of ruin, and meditate treachery all day long.

13 But I am like the deaf, I do not hear; like the mute, who cannot speak. 14 Truly, I am like one who does not hear, and in whose mouth is no retort.

15 But it is for you, O Lord, that I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer. 16 For I pray, “Only do not let them rejoice over me, those who boast against me when my foot slips.”

17 For I am ready to fall, and my pain is ever with me. 18 I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin. 19 Those who are my foes without cause[a] are mighty, and many are those who hate me wrongfully. 20 Those who render me evil for good are my adversaries because I follow after good.

21 Do not forsake me, O Lord; O my God, do not be far from me; 22 make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation.

Footnotes:

Psalm 38:19 Q Ms: MT my living foes

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

Psalm 119:25-48

25 My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to your word. 26 When I told of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes. 27 Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works. 28 My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. 29 Put false ways far from me; and graciously teach me your law. 30 I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your ordinances before me. 31 I cling to your decrees, O Lord; let me not be put to shame. 32 I run the way of your commandments, for you enlarge my understanding.

33 Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes, and I will observe it to the end. 34 Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. 35 Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. 36 Turn my heart to your decrees, and not to selfish gain. 37 Turn my eyes from looking at vanities; give me life in your ways. 38 Confirm to your servant your promise, which is for those who fear you. 39 Turn away the disgrace that I dread, for your ordinances are good. 40 See, I have longed for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life.

41 Let your steadfast love come to me, O Lord, your salvation according to your promise. 42 Then I shall have an answer for those who taunt me, for I trust in your word. 43 Do not take the word of truth utterly out of my mouth, for my hope is in your ordinances. 44 I will keep your law continually, forever and ever. 45 I shall walk at liberty, for I have sought your precepts. 46 I will also speak of your decrees before kings, and shall not be put to shame; 47 I find my delight in your commandments, because I love them. 48 I revere your commandments, which I love, and I will meditate on your statutes.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

Isaiah 6

A Vision of God in the Temple

6 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lofty; and the hem of his robe filled the temple. 2 Seraphs were in attendance above him; each had six wings: with two they covered their faces, and with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. 3 And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

4 The pivots[a] on the thresholds shook at the voices of those who called, and the house filled with smoke. 5 And I said: “Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”

6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me, holding a live coal that had been taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. 7 The seraph[b] touched my mouth with it and said: “Now that this has touched your lips, your guilt has departed and your sin is blotted out.” 8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I; send me!” 9 And he said, “Go and say to this people:

‘Keep listening, but do not comprehend; keep looking, but do not understand.’ 10 Make the mind of this people dull, and stop their ears, and shut their eyes, so that they may not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and comprehend with their minds, and turn and be healed.” 11 Then I said, “How long, O Lord?” And he said: “Until cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without people, and the land is utterly desolate; 12 until the Lord sends everyone far away, and vast is the emptiness in the midst of the land. 13 Even if a tenth part remain in it, it will be burned again, like a terebinth or an oak whose stump remains standing when it is felled.”[c] The holy seed is its stump.

Footnotes:

Isaiah 6:4 Meaning of Heb uncertain

Isaiah 6:7 Heb He

Isaiah 6:13 Meaning of Heb uncertain

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

2 Thessalonians 1

Salutation

1 Paul, Silvanus, and Timothy,

To the church of the Thessalonians in God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:

2 Grace to you and peace from God our[a] Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thanksgiving

3 We must always give thanks to God for you, brothers and sisters,[b] as is right, because your faith is growing abundantly, and the love of every one of you for one another is increasing. 4 Therefore we ourselves boast of you among the churches of God for your steadfastness and faith during all your persecutions and the afflictions that you are enduring.

The Judgment at Christ’s Coming

5 This is evidence of the righteous judgment of God, and is intended to make you worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering. 6 For it is indeed just of God to repay with affliction those who afflict you, 7 and to give relief to the afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels 8 in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. 9 These will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, separated from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might, 10 when he comes to be glorified by his saints and to be marveled at on that day among all who have believed, because our testimony to you was believed. 11 To this end we always pray for you, asking that our God will make you worthy of his call and will fulfill by his power every good resolve and work of faith, 12 so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Footnotes:

2 Thessalonians 1:2 Other ancient authorities read the

2 Thessalonians 1:3 Gk brothers

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

John 7:53-8:11

The Woman Caught in Adultery

[[53 Then each of them went home, 8 1 while Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him and he sat down and began to teach them. 3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, 4 they said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. 5 Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground.[a] 9 When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, sir.”[b] And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.”]][c]

Footnotes:

John 8:8 Other ancient authorities add the sins of each of them

John 8:11 Or Lord

John 8:11 The most ancient authorities lack 7.53—8.11; other authorities add the passage here or after 7.36 or after 21.25 or after Luke 21.38, with variations of text; some mark the passage as doubtful.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

#December 11 #2018 at 11:00PM

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