#‘frustrated bc i feel like this makes me trans. and that’s a lot.’ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hhonghu · 1 year

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You don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable.

But imagine yan!trans!scara babytrapping you because he was scared of you leaving him because he wasn't the Kubokimono that you were in love with all those centuries ago. But you were surprisingly happy that Scara was pregnant, and that you wanted to raise the child with him. And you wanted to celebrate by stuffing his cunt with more of your cum, if only you knew that your darling was far from the naive innocent Kubokimono you once knew.

[Thirst]!

yan!trans!scara is so real for this, absolute girlboss!! what's a better way to get you tied down to him for the rest of your life is a baby ofc!! i researched so this should be an afab!trans!scara ? usage of female anatomy ! correct me if im wrong (bc i feel like i wrote this absolutely wrong and ill rewrite it)!

he would be biting his nails, nervousness and paranoia taking over him as he thinks deeply. there's a possibility you'll still leave him. he was no longer the kabukimono you once knew; sweet, kind, curious, and naïve about the world and of course, you. you just can't let him go, he belonged to you! he was everything to you and he still is! the thought was haunting him, he's yours so don't leave!

he's thinking of ways to make you stay forever: sex? a lot of that and mire. money? you're too humble, money doesn't sway you too much. he tugs on his hair in frustration, racking his brain for anything, anything that won't make you leave him ever. then, a thought pops in.

a baby.

you were soft with children, even back in inazuma. despite you having work, you were willing to look after children when parents would come to you for help. you let them do as they please, running around and playing, even calling for you and him to join. and even at times, they would ask to play house. "kabukimono will be our mother, [name] will be his spouse, and we will be your children!" you would chuckle and agree, cooing how you and him would be great parents to them.

and so he had a plan. he'll have you fuck him pregnant. stuff him full of your cum and reach his womb, ensuring that he'll be pregnant with your child. that's it, it's the perfect plan! all he has to do now is put it into action. he prepared everything; he'll clear your schedule for a whole week and have you fuck him on his most fertile day, just to be sure.

and today was the day!

you were informed and relieved of your workload by scara's subordinates and shooed to his quarters, "lord scaramouche says he awaits you in his room." you headed for his room all the while wondering why the sudden vacation. maybe you've been working too hard? you had been busy with fatui work lately so it could be that he did this so he can have you all to himself. cheeky boy. you finally arrived and knocked on his door, "scara, i'm coming in." you twist the knob and head inside, "it's quite nice of you to let me relax for the week, we should—" you freeze, eyes landing on a beautiful sight.

scara was sitting down on the edge of the bed, legs crossed and wearing a pretty purple lingerie that matches his eyes, straps and lace hugging his body beautifully. you stare and eye him all over while scara was absolutely bathing in your attention, smirking. "like what you see, [name]?" he stands up and approaches you, his steps coquettish and cunning, his hips swaying and you watch. he reaches his finger to trace the outline of your jaw to your chin and you still stare, stunned of what he was doing, how he was acting. scara wraps his arms around your neck, his chest coming in contact with yours. "keep staring, i like this.." he mutters, taking in the attention you're giving him. it was working!

you finally snapped out of your daze, your hands coming up to his waist and squeezing it. "well, aren't your surprising?" you smile, "does this come with the vacation too?" he knew what he was doing to you, getting himself all prettied up all for you was one of the things that gets you going. scara nods, lips curling into a smile, "my [name] has been working so hard to stay by my side, surely you deserve a reward, no?" his body sways, tempting you more. "come to bed and let me help you relax."

"guuhh— ohhhh, fuck♡! [name]! hahh—" scara pants, skin slapping heard in the room and his moans getting louder. "that's right, darling. ride me mmmm— harder," scara's eyes were unfocused, his hips slamming his ass up and down on your cock, his cum dripping down his thighs down to your stomach. you reach for his clit, rubbing frantically and his back arches, his pussy clenching as he feels his orgasm coming. "nghhh— you're fucking my pussy hgnhh— fhuck♡! fuck my pussy so good [name] ah, ah, ah♡!", "my hole was made for you to oooohh— fuck♡! all yours, all yours, all yours!", "yesyesyes, 'm gonna cum, you're gonna— ohhhhh, nghhh— i'm gonna fucking cum♡!♡" his hips comes to stop and he squirts with a pop, his juices drenching your cock and stomach. your fingers still kept on rubbing on his puffy clit and watch in fascination as he jerks around from overstimulation. he was starting to feel tired, orgasm after orgasm washing over his body and you still have yet to cum inside him. he can't have that, he won't.

he regains his composure, he'll have your cum in him if that's the last thing he'll ever do and the rest can come after. he slowly realigns himself on your cock, teasing his hole with your tip. "we're not stopping, [name]." you hear him mutter, "you're going to stuff my pussy with your cum until its overflowing, until you can't fit more inside. we won't stop." he slams down on you, mewling as feels your tip touch his cervix. he leans down his body and went in for a kiss, his hips bringing itself up and down on your cock. he moans into your mouth as he kept going faster, his pussy gushing around you. "mmph— that's it, [name]. fuck into my pussy and nhghh— cum in it, don't you dare stop♡!" he screams, lost in pleasure as you wrap your arms around his torso and slowly rise your hips meet his thrusts, his pussy felt so good around you, felt too good even.

you finally cum inside him, groaning as you feel him tighten around and milk you for all your worth. you can hear him sigh happily and nuzzle in your neck, his ass wiggling as he feels your cum spurt inside him. you catch your breath and thought, so much for relaxing. all the while you were recover, scara was smiling to himself. you finally caved in and he'll finally get you to stay for all eternity.

2-3 weeks passed by (and a whole fuck fest), scara was already experiencing symptoms of pregnancy; from morning sickness to backache, he knew he finally got what he wanted and he couldn't be more happy. you were worried about his constant sickness, thinking you've gotten overboard with your sex with him and had him rest and attended to by trusted subordinates and you (reader is dense idk why get the hint!!!). it wasn't until one night, after a long night of fatui work and coming back to check in on him, scara pats the free space beside him. "[name], come lie down, i missed you today." you obliged, taking your coat off and gently lying down next to him. you wrapped your arm his waist and sighed, "how are you feeling, darling? i was told the doctor came in today, what did he say?" your subordinates seemed to have refused to tell you the diagnosis, telling you that scara forbade them and that he was to tell you instead. you prepared for the worst, thinking of every possibility and dreading if you have somehow put him and his body in danger.

"[name], promise me something first?" you gulp, there it is, it's definitely bad. you nod with no hesitation, taking his hand and intertwining it with yours. "anything." scara smiles, "promise me that you won't leave me. stay with me for the rest of eternity." you nod, "of course i will, i love you, darling. you know that you're my eternity, i will never leave you.", "then lend me your ear." you nervously lean your ear to him and he cups his hand, as if to tell you a secret in a whisper.

"i'm pregnant, [name]."

you stay still for a few seconds before your eyes widens, turning your head to fully face him. scara tries to hold his laugh as you search his eyes for any sign that he was joking, but you can't. "d-darling, you can't—" you sound out of breath, your heart beating in your chest. "did i hear that right? are you really pregnant, darling?" your hand comes to his stomach and caress it, taking him by surprise as he nods. a few tears formed in your eyes before it streams down your face and you gently hug him, kissing the top of his head. scara was stunned but he was overjoyed, were you happy? were you crying because he was pregnant with your child? "my darling, i'm so happy to hear that. i finally get to be a parent with you.." he can hear you exhale in content, your body slightly shaking. but then you snap out of your daze, "wait, do you want this too? i.. i—" panic begins to envelope you, what if he didn't want to have the child with you? but scara consoles you and smiles, wiping your tears away. "of course i do, i want to carry your children, [name]. i want us to have a family together so let this be the start of it." you can't stop yourself from sobbing, hugging him once again and he cries a bit with you, happiness overflowing that night.

after you two calmed down, you begin to lightly discuss the future with him. a new house somewhere quiet, baby names, a new room.. scara was feeling euphoric and couldn't help but stare at you with love. "let's rest for the night, we have a whole day ahead of us." scara stops you as you tried to cover you two with a blanket. "[name]..", "yes? do you need something?" he wraps his leg around you, bringing you close and grinding down on you. "why don't.. we celebrate? i promise we'll be careful, just need you in me.. come on. [name]♡."

what in insatiable boy you have.

sorry for the long wait fgassfsdfsd TT;; i got slapped with work out of nowhere, dw tho i'll be replying to thirst in my inbox so don't fret >:) thank you for the food anon!! i'm looking forward for more thirsts hehee

#ems.writes #ems.nsfw #ems.thirsts #scaramouche smut #sub scaramouche #sub!scaramouche

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spacelazarwolf · 1 year

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so i said this in response to an ask, but i wanna make an actual post abt it bc this is something that has been really frustrating me for a while. there is understandable backlash to transmedicalism. it’s a bullshit ideology and all it does is further police the bodies of trans people in an effort to become more palatable to cis people.

that being said, some of that backlash has become so viciously transphobic that it’s becoming completely indistinguishable from te/rf rhetoric, and i've noticed that te/rfs have been starting to use some of the rhetoric in order to get people to sympathize with them. so i really really think we need to be mindful of how we speak about medical transition, especially during a time where there are countries that are essentially trying to make it illegal and/or impossible to medically transition when for a lot of trans people that is a matter of life and death. no, you don't need to medically transition to be trans. you don't need to change the way you dress or your pronouns or your name, being trans is different for everyone. and at the same time, for a lot of trans people that is a huge part of their transition, and it is so concerning to see other trans people speaking so negatively about aspects of transness that are not optional for a huge portion of the trans community.

so what does this mean? it means we stop demonizing or making fun of the changes that happen on hrt (especially testosterone), it means we stop talking about bottom surgery like it's "mutilation" (yes, i have literally heard trans ppl call bottom surgery mutilation HELLO?????), it means we celebrate every choice trans people make about their trans body even if it's not a choice we would make for ourself. it means we reject bioessentialism and gender essentialism, it means we reject the idea that there is a firm line between man and woman and between binary and nonbinary. it means accepting people who don't medically transition, who medically transition in nontraditional ways, it means accepting intersex people who do decide to go on hrt and intersex people who don't, it means accepting detransitioners who go back to identifying as cis and detransitioners who feel they aren't cis or trans. it means we respect and listen to people with experiences different than our own, and it means being extremely critical of anyone who tries to convince you that certain parts of the trans community are somehow out to get you. we cannot fall for that, especially not right now. now, more than ever, we should be celebrating the diversity of our community, not condemning anyone whose experience doesn't line up with our own.

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thrandilf · 10 months

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Gonna say it's weird to me when people Assume Terry must be deeply traumatized or been rejected/abandoned by his home bc he never ever says that but it's become a weird and uncomfortable fandom standard

Like ppl in the wild talking about Terry being abused or rejected by his home and I'm like WHAT

"Growing up, they thought I was a doe but I knew I was a buck" Is just. Coming out. Paraphrased but come on. Like hey I looked like x but knew I was x. That's all he said

He talks about being from a village in the forest and it isn't hinted that he can't go home. He's like well I'd show you on a map but it's Uncharted lol

Like it frustrates me a bit that trans=Trauma by default to a lot of ppl when tdp hasn't shown any in universe homophobia or transphobia tbh. Like it certainly Can (hello my own life) but ppl making the leap and saying it's canon when it just isn't is. Not correct. And it changes the tone of Terry traveling with Claudia to be like "oh he feels forced to" when frankly it just seems like he loves Claudia and could leave if he wanted but doesn't want to

Can we please just. Not insert violent transphobia where it actually isn't

#terry tdp #tdp #the dragon prince #i guess ppl can hc his family sucks but it isnt Canon and ppl act like it is #transphobia #ive seen it several times from different people if it was one or two whatever but What

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limeade-l3sbian · 11 months

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u could be such a positive light to trans women :( Just teh little things u say abt being a girl and how inspite of it all u love being a girl and how u uplift these cis women

I admit that i did orginally hate followed u but it got to a point where i started to resonate with the things u were saying about being a girl and just thought "i wish she didnt hate me i would love to be mutuals with her" pls reconsider the way u speak and think abt trans women bc there are a lot of us that could rlly use support like urs

this is a little frustrating to read, but since you seem to be coming from a genuine place, i'll try to soften my thoughts.

"these 'cis' women" are women that i have forged bonds with in matters that no male could understand. it's in no way picky of me to focus my feminism on women. you said that you "hate followed" me initially. ??? what about what i post is something that you can objectively hate? the very things you say that you've resonated with are the very things you'd have had to have been hating in the beginning. why wasn't it until you could see yourself in these things that i was saying that you could start to appreciate my words? why wasn't it enough that my words were positive and didn't relate to you?

there are much more positive, pro-trans blogs that are all over this website. why are they not enough? why do you NEED my specific feminist blog to incorporate a more encompassing target audience? is me trying to make young lesbians not feel shameful about their sexuality not worth anything until i start encouraging trans teens to harm their bodies?

you have support. you have tons of support. it's painted all over this website. blogs that have blocked me before i ever even glanced at their blog name do so in support of YOU. that's pretty amazing. But for some reason, that just isn't doing it for you. you only have your eyes set on my blog (and likely others). you need to ask why despite so many women offering you a front row seat into their spaces, you still can't seem to bring yourself to not stand at the border of my space and demand to be let in.

#ask

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echo · 3 months

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this is a response to @anarcho-yorpism's tag for me in this post. i'm not directly rbing bc that post is long and it has a lot going on in the notes.

anyway please note all of my responses here are my own, and not representative of Staff or tumblr. i am not T&S and have zero power to make any moderation decisions here.

with that disclaimer:

Predstrogen received a message from Tumblr saying she was banned for "sexual content". If she was not, why was she told this, why were her transition photos removed, and why has she still not been told the actual reason? (I understand not making it public, but it is your policy to tell the user) If she was, what was this sexual content, if not her transition timeline?

i can't really directly answer this for few reasons. firstly, i feel that staff shouldn't talk about her anymore bc i feel this continued controversy will only attract more harassment for her on other platforms.

secondly, as a low-level staffer talking about moderation decisions can get me, y'know, fired. i'd prefer not to do that.

also just like... i want to avoid getting into a narrative of "well she did bad things so she deserves it" or whatever. idc if she broke the rules or not, she didn't deserve what happened.

i know this isn't terribly satisfying to hear, but i'd like to be honest about why i'm not saying more at least.

If you can't answerblegal questions, ignore this question: The NYCLU settlement agreed that Tumblr would fix its moderation so it targeted transfem users less. Why has there been no comment on the settlement and actions taken since? There could genuinely be a large legal case against Tumblr after this, and I love this site and don't want that to happen. Also, wasn't it illegal under GDPR to release her usernames?

i'm not able to answer legal questions. i don't know the exact text of the agreement, but it mostly boiled down to some training and stuff from my personal experience there.

however not as a staffer but as NYC trans human: i would not put a ton of faith in the NYCCHR. they have some noble goals but they are a chronically underfunded city agency that in practice does very little to curb real-world violence against marginalized people. i tried to use them myself when my landlord was kicking me out right after i had surgery and they didn't even get back to me until months after everything resolved. nobody i know in the community out here has been helped by them off the top of my head.

i have sincere doubts in relying on the state to help people here.

A lot of transfem users don't like vague language like "prioritize", especially given point 2 and Matt's statement that improving moderation was not on the agenda. I understand you can't reveal company secrets in an already risky post, but we would like to see the specific actions taken after this, given a lot of broken trust by what @\photomatt has said. Are any of the trans women banned recently for "sexual content" going to have their accounts restored?

i don't know. i'm pushing internally for at least a review of everyone suspended to see if the less egregious stuff can be reversed. but like i said, i don't have a ton of power as i'm not in charge of anything.

and yeah, "prioritize" is vague corpo-speak. i know some stuff is shifting internally and what we said does match what is happening inside. but also... i've been disappointed before.

i can say i'm tentatively optimistic. people are responding seriously, and being asked our opinions for once is pretty nice. but also, systemic stuff is hard. i trust in my fellow workers and i'll continue to fight until i can't anymore.

so... yeah. i genuinely wish i can be more informative here, but what we wrote (and i want to emphasize we here, it was not just me by any stretch!!) is what we can say in an official capacity.

i'm just frustrated, tired, angry, depressed... and also weirdly hopeful?

#me #asks #staff info

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vanana-r0tat3 · 1 year

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some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

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mokutone · 1 year

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hi what do you think abt t4t kakayama (it's canon to me tbh)

:) hi ty for the question. i will do two sweet pictures of them being intimate and then under the cut there's going to be a longer very unsweet and more technical response

so i'm usually not a very shippy person! but that said i am also on the record as an occasional kakayama + kakayamagai enjoyer

i do hc them both as trans and in different ways w/ different experiences of transition and identity! i have no interest in proving my view as canon, but i do regard my reading of the text (text here including the anime) as a valid interpretation of yamato's experience of identity

yamato, for example, imo, doesnt have any real lived experience of being raised as a child of any gender. he was an experimental subject, and then he was Danzō's weapon/vessel for the mokuton, and then he was in anbu.

in a fun little word game which should not be taken seriously: it'd almost be more fitting to describe him as "adgender" rather than "transgender" since the prefix "trans" implies moving across where the prefix "cis" means to stand still, but the prefix "ad" means "to move towards" and i headcanon him as somebody who was degendered as a child, not in a cool nonbinary way, but instead in a dehumanizing, objectifying way, so his experience of creating his identity and his gender along with it is one of moving toward the concept of gender this word doesn't and wont exist, but bc of the way english works it would probably be simplified to be spelled precisely the same as "agender" in the same way that "aggression" came from latin "aggredi" which came from "ad" (meaning to/toward) and and latin "gradus" (meaning step) (essentially the combination means "to step to" [in a threatening manner]) the only diferences is where agender (meaning no gender) is pronounced ay-gender, the agender that comes from adgender would be prounounced more like "uhgender" in the same way that agressive isnt pronounced like "ay-gressive" but instead like "uhgressive"

and then...as for kakashi? i just decided on vibes. i didn't think hard about it.

i guess i should also say that, while i draw kakayama very infrequently, when i do draw it i usually try to be very apparent about the transness in the artwork if i can? especially if i'm drawing anything more intimate than a peck on the cheek. it's no secret that shipping is often times the most energized part of fandom, and i kind of don't want to produce romantic or sexual artwork which will be enjoyed by people who don't think trans people can be attractive? or who find that trans headcanons make a character uninteresting to them? or worse, "ruin" a depiction of a character to them?

often i think about in terms of. IF there are people that follow me that love my work (usually) and think that kakashi or yamato are hot (usually) and love kakayama (usually) but get frustrated or even uncomfortable out when i draw them as explicitly trans? then i'm drawing all intimate artwork of them as explicitly trans.

it's a little like...nobody gets to love my work if transgender characters are a turnoff for them. that's the bar for entry, is the way i think of it, but really its more like putting onions in a dish. if you want to eat the dish you have to eat the onions. if you don't want to eat the onions, don't eat the dish. all the meals i make contain onions. i'll never compromise on my intention to put onions in every dish i make. that's my ninja way, as the kids say.

especially in the climate we're in right now.

i don't know. i have a lot of feelings about how most fandoms tend to view trans men, especially in terms of romantic and sexual relationships. I'm doing a bad job of expressing the depth of how much seeing how fandom treats trans male identity and transmasculine bodies impacts the way that i draw + write kakayama, but genuinely it's something i think about every single time i create content about them.

#yamswers #danova #often even when there r trans characters/trans hcs of characters the m/m pairings are usually trans + cis #+ i wanna emphasize: there's nothing wrong with that. trans+cis relationships are as beautiful and valid as t4t #but...in fiction...there's like. expectations. of how a trans guy will act in a relationship with a cis guy #literally every transmasc person knows exactly what im fucking talking about lol #i'm trying to keep this conversation PG bc naruto is not an adult show—so. anyway #the presence of t4t depictions is basically essential in offering an alternative image of relationships + intimacy for trans individuals #a view of trans bodies which is not designed for the pleasure of cis consumption+assumption #a view of trans bodies not couched in an artist statement saying ''this is a trans body. this is how you interact with a body like it.''#sometimes even stuff made by trans people will cater to explaining transness to cis people + thats fine and okay and—#—can be cathartic to create. esp as a trans person since so many of us are Surrounded by cis people irl #but. as a singular consumer. i get tired of that. i don't want it—at least not in the way that fandom frequently produces #i'm sorry this was probably an ask that expected a reply full of trans love and just got a bunch of technical stuff back #but to be fair this IS how i feel about t4t kakayama

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iraprince · 1 year

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sorry but through earlier anon i discovered queer trans mentally ill power fantasy and i just want to say thank you. it made me cry. i read the nice messages for a very long time and i just cried bc somehow w my insane mentally ill issues it feels different to read those messages in a game you're playing and thinking "those feelings are the ones your friends have also expressed about you", compared to. your friends actually saying these things to you, even though it had also happened to me. the latter feels weird and hard to understand. it's really hard to grapple with. kind of like seeing the sun? and i wasnt sure getting into the game that it'd actually help me feel better abt being trans bc for some reason a lot of trans media out there doesn't resonate w my own experiences but the way you wrote it made me feel actually validated and understood for the first time in a v v long time. so thank you for turning these feelings you had a long time ago into an experience other ppl could have too.

thank you, and you're welcome. i'm really happy you had that kind of experience with it.

it's weird (in a neutral way) to re-read/re-play that piece of art bc i feel like a completely different person now. i KNOW i wrote it, i remember writing it, but it feels 100% like it was made by someone else. in a lot of ways it was -- like as one example, i don't id as queer anymore, vs the word obviously used to be really important to me. stuff like that, little facets of myself that have flaked and fallen off or transformed or been replaced with other things. (edits and repairs and adjustments to the mech? new paint jobs, mismatched parts, doing the best we can.) the core of it all is still there though -- tired, trans, stubborn and frustrated and thrashing around.

i do feel very proud of that past version of me for managing to make something so kind, because i was in a place at that time where i don't think kindness and optimism came as easily to me as it does now. when i replayed it recently bc i got reminded of it via asks etc i remember feeling kind of gently surprised, bc i don't remember myself being the kind of person who would make something like that. my memory is probably too harsh, as it usually is.

anyway, thank you again, and thank you for hanging in there.

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the-autistic-gemini · 29 days

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Hi, for my first real post, imma post my silly Maka hcs. There's a tad bit of spice in here, but it's mostly mild. Uhhh, enjoy!

• Bi bi bi! She strikes me as demiro and Demisexual and bi or pan (I'm not at all projecting fuck off) she's either a cis girl or a trans girl depending on my mood.

• For her body type and stuff she's above average height (like 5'6 or 5'7), but her limbs are so long and willowly she looks taller. Her torso is average size, and her legs are long. She's a petite with maybe a b cup chest and a tummy with a bit of chub at the bottom. She has toned muscular arms. Her skin is super soft, and bruises easy. She has scars she doesn't know the origin of and constantly has bruises around her knees.

• She totally asks pronouns anytime she meets someone (hers are she/her btw) she's all like "Hi! I'm Maka my pronouns are she/what are yours?

• She's so friendly and sweet when you first meet her then you slowly realize she has the personality a grumpy temperamental old cat

• She's a really good cook but her and soul take turns cooking and sometimes someone has to make the 3am microwave cup noodles of shame.

• After re-watching more of the show, my opinion changed bc its been a while. Still think she's a good cook but bitch has autism foods. Hates the texture of raw fish but doesn't mind it cooked. She's not really a big meat person. I think she considers going vegetarian or vegan a lot but A) soul loves meat and she doesn't want to have a moral delima and B) girl is a cheese lover and vegan cheese has a bad texture. She tried it once and wanted to spit it out. Super particular about texture. Seems like she's good at making and likes breakfast food. Mac and cheese and chicken nugget enthusiast.

• For drinks I feel like she's a water drinker but likes green tea (especially matcha I feel like her dad jokes about how Maka and matcha sound similar. She hates it) she also drinks orange or apple juice with breakfast. If she ever needs caffeine she'll drink Dr. Pepper or coffee with a small amount of cream and sugar.

• If we're talking alchohol she's not a big drinker (probs bc her dad) and never drank underage but while legal has like a glass of wine from time to time

• Mom friend in every sense of the word I feel like she consistently checks on blackstar and soul to make sure they are turning in their homework

• I feel she loves talking to strangers

• Shes such a hugger (unless she's mad at someone then she won't touch them for a week)

• Music taste hcs are so important to me, and I feel like most ppl get Maka wrong. Girl does not understand music she had to read a book to understand it; therefore, I think her music taste is odd and not stuff Soul is really into. Soul is happy she found music she likes but doesn't quite get why she likes it. I feel like she likes heavily electronic music, scenecore, and nightcore. Very upbeat stuff to help her stay alert and awake during study sessions. Most music sounds like noise to her, so it's not as off-putting to her as it is to some others.

• She falls asleep on the couch in the front room of her and souls apartment while studying a lot. Soul will see her and smile be he thinks she's cute. He'll pick her up and put her in her bed (if it's after they start dating He'll change her into night clothes)

• Speaking of night clothes she has matching pajama sets that are super soft materials or simple night gowns. She definitely sleeps in clothes most of the time I feel like she runs cold and she'd only be comfortable sleeping naked with soul A) bc she trusts him B) bc he's warm. Only reason she would not sleep naked with her other partner often is that bitch is cold

• Oh ya she's dating soul and crona btw. In my perfect little world. They have 2 completely different relationship dynamics.

• With Soul, she teases him and often shows irritation or frustration with him. I also feel like they are more intimate. She's not really soft or gentle with him she doesn't need to be they know eachothers limits and bodies and souls intuitively. They're essentially super close best friends who tease and bully eachother but also fuck. And that works for them. They didn't want anything to change their relationship when they started dating anyway .

• She's softer with Crona, it seems more like a romantic relationship in vibes. They cuddle a lot. I feel like they have self care days bc Maka is scared crona won't take care of themself on their own. Crona appreciates her doting. They never got to have a loving mom, so they love when Maka does their hair or paints her nails. They're soft. They have intimacy, but it's both less rough and less frequent than Soul and Maka. They both enjoy kissing and being soft and loving to each other.

• Maka is the leader in both her relationships. Her partners are passive she is more decisive and dominant.

• Soul and Crona don't date each other only Maka, but they will all hang out together and are good friends. They plan her birthdays together and are just kinda in eachothers corner, especially when it comes to Maka related stuff.

• I feel like tsubaki is her closet girl friend.

• Did I mention Maka has autism? No? Well, she does. I feel like she's diagnosed too

#maka x soul #croma #maka albarn #soul x maka #crona x maka #soma #soul eater #soul eater evans #soul evans #crona gorgon #headcanon #headcanons #spicy headcanons #omg i love Maka so much

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transenbyconfessions · 11 months

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I've identified as an enby person for like 2 years and a half now, but I still struggle A LOT with imposter syndrome. I feel like I can't pinpoint exactly where my gender lies in the whole spectrum thing and like my gender changes a lot (although in a somewhat restricted section of the spectrum) and that makes me so insecure, I feel like I'm occupying a space that's not mine, that I'm faking all the time,and because of that I could never really connect with other trans people. I know many trans people, but I can't get close to them bc I feel like they'll see how much of a fraud I am and I DO rationally know how much that's not the case, but I get so anxious whenever I interact with other trans people. It frustrates me SO MUCH bc I KNOW that connecting with other trans people WILL help me, but I don't know how to do it and I feel so terrible and wrong and lost.

Submitted June 27, 2023

#transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #enban #impostor syndrome

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spacelazarwolf · 10 months

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I really hate how often neo ra/df/ems will go on and on about how trans fem's transitions are waaaaaay more difficult and they're waaaaaay less likely to pass, but if a trans masc dared to make any similar comparisons, they'd be fucking crucified.

There are a lot of feelings I have around sex-based discrimination and the difficulties of a masculinizing transition. On one hand, I don't think comparing struggles like that is useful (i.e. trans women have harder transitions).

On the other hand, I feel like the reality of the situation is actually quite the opposite for many people (everyone acknowledges that testosterone makes your voice drop and you grow hair, but nobody seems to want to acknowledge hysterectomy vs orchi, voice training is still often needed, electrolysis for phallo, the fact that bottom surgery is usually multi-staged [even metoidioplasty is sometimes 2 stages] with a lot of moving parts and far worse scarring, top surgery is almost a necessity for passing whereas not every trans fem wants top surgery + scars are easier to hide, face masculinization is far less common w/ fewer options, puberty begins earlier in perisex people AFAB and puberty blockers don't always allow for full height to be achieved bc they don't typically allow you to start testosterone until you're about 15 even IF you were a "classic" trans-since-3-years-old kinda case, the extreme body horror that is accidental pregnancy and abortion and menstruation when that's dysphoric vs not being able to carry a pregnancy just feels like an insulting comparison sometimes and I've had multiple trans women call me inconsiderate for expressing horror at getting my bodily rights taken away bc "that triggers my dysphoria", testosterone is a scheduled substance and has more difficult administration methods than simply a pill, etc.)

And so I bite my tongue and try to be the better person, because stooping to that low doesn't help anything. But at the same time it's so extremely frustrating to be told that you "have it better" when, considering the facts, it REALLY feels like the opposite. There's this level of bitterness around that that I am DESPERATELY trying to resolve within myself. I have a therapist. I know it's projection. I'm working on my own bullshit. But please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way? I just wish they'd stop with that rhetoric and realize just how difficult the average trans masc transition truly is

yeah it's really frustrating for ppl to present Trans Women's Experiences and Trans Men's Experiences as diametrically opposed, with one experience being Eternal Pain And Inescapable Suffering and the other being Barely A Blip On The Life Radar. and while i understand it's coming from a place of pain, i've also experienced a lot of trans women shutting me down when i try to talk about how abortion rights affect me. back when i was first dipping my toe into trans spaces, i was friends with a trans woman who told me it was transmisogynistic of me to want to transition because "trans women would kill to have been born in your body." and while it absolutely comes from a different place than when cis men try to assert control over me and there's not the same power dynamic, it's still a complete stranger feeling entitled to tell me what to do with my body because of the sex i was assigned at birth. it's frustrating to have people i'm supposed to be in community with play into the same sexist bullshit that other people, regardless of gender, have been holding over my head my whole life, feeling like they own my body bc women and ppl who are forcibly assigned the role of women in society are seen as public property. our bodies aren't our own. everyone feels entitled to comment on them and touch them and make decisions about them. and it sucks when it comes from other people who should understand how that feels.

and like. obviously this idea that trans men's transition is so much easier than trans women's is unhelpful bc 1. there is no one particular way for trans men to transition, 2. not everyone who transitions in the way typically associated with trans men is a trans man, 3. it doesn't take into account how disability, race, ethnicity, etc. play into people's experiences before, during, and after transition, and 4. it's just not a fucking competition????? the fact that a disabled black trans man is going to be more systemically oppressed in society than a wealthy white trans woman doesn't mean trans men as a category are Objectively More Oppressed than trans women. bc gender is like. the worst possible way to try to gauge a group's place within the system. bc at this point, gender is not the most powerful system, race is. and i feel like a fuck ton of people really do not recognize that.

another thing that has bugged me for as long as i've been in trans spaces is this bizarre attitude that trans women are doomed to this miserable life of clockability and will never be able to pass as cis women thus they must accept that their life will be nothing but pain and suffering. and that's just very much not true! i know plenty of trans women who "pass" or who are happy with their bodies, who have jobs they love and friends and family who love them, who have a community that supports and celebrates them. and it has just always rubbed me the wrong way that people think they're helping trans women by presenting their existence as Inevitably Miserable when all it does is terrify closeted trans girls who think they're better off never coming out or transitioning, or better off dying. like. we have to understand that these narratives we create, the idea of the perpetually suffering trans woman and the lonely isolated trans man, are absolutely driving people to suicidal ideation. and if we give a shit about trans people, we should be changing these narratives.

#ask avishai #atm

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