#’in a way wE’rE aLl gOiNg oUt wiTh cArTmAn’ what the FUCK does that mean kyle

[victimized-martyr]

stole this from basu on twt bc 🙌🏼 preaaachh

#kyman #south park #i also am in love with the absolute denial he was in during PC #craziest shit I’ve ever seen #Kyle deadass saw eric’s wedding ring. and wife. and KIDS #and was like ‘no. 🧍‍♂️ fake news’ #kyle heard cartman havin sex?? he doesn’t tell them to stop bc it’s rude. he tells eric’s wife ‘hey ur husband gave me aids’ and DOESNT #CLARIFY SHIT and bro doesn’t realize the fucking implications #Kyle getting worked up over heiman NOT for her sake. but eric’s #’in a way wE’rE aLl gOiNg oUt wiTh cArTmAn’ what the FUCK does that mean kyle #kyle’s stupid little ‘Hey heidi so I know you and cartman have an anniversary comin up’ (I. no words.) c #‘some of us don’t think cartman’s qualified to be with you. what do you find in him that’s remotely REDEEMING’ #motherfucker didn’t even ask why she liked him. asks what’s ‘redeeming ‘ abt him. kyle I know wanting to redeem cartman is Your Thing but #jesus dude let heidi speak for herself #don’t get me started when the girls were like ‘do u like heidi?’ and kyle had a mental breakdown (he’s always known when he Likes a Girl. #wtf why was he so torn up abt it.) #also Kyle ‘I hate Cartman let’s exclude him from building boats’ Brofloski goin ‘awww cartman i’m sorry’ as soon as #Cartman gets emo abt the ‘surgery’ and is the first to include him in boat building #AND THEN proceeds to be on top of eric abt the quality of boats?? when no one else cares? not even BUTTERS? y does he care so much?? #weirdo. fuckin weirdo fr

[marshslovedone]

Poly main 4 x F!Reader driving to college oneshot

✩.��*:｡≻───── ⋆🎀⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

“cartman take your goddamn feet off the dash board!!” Kyle yelled as he purposely swerved in the empty road so cartman hits the door. “AYE! WHAT THE SHIT!” Cartman yelled as he rubbed his head from the impact

“Jesus Christ dude! Don’t forget that me and kenny are back here!?” Stan yelled as he hanged onto the seat Kyle sat in while kenny was leaned into stan all the way. “Jesus Kyle don’t kill us! Not before we get Y/N” kenny yelled in Stan’s back all muffled from the act that just happened.

“Well I don’t want cartman’s fucking feet on my dashboard! I’m trying to keep this car clean especially since this car is the 1959 ford galaxie skyliner..” Kyle replied to kenny as he pulled over in front of Y/N’s home before texting that they’re here.

“That doesn’t mean you can swerve!! We could’ve fallen outta this car since the roof isn’t on!” Stan yelled as he got comfortable once again in the back. “Also you’re way into cars, that’s kinda gay” cartman cackled as he went on his phone.

“You dressed up as Britney Spears once don’t even” Kyle shot back which cartman yelled loudly

✩.･*:｡≻───── ⋆🎀⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

I finished getting ready, as I wear flats and a sundress since summer is coming around the corner and we’re finishing our sophomore of college, I did my hair as I had bows on my sundress and messenger bag which I grab, plus my phone and everything I need an begin to leave

I go to leave my home, locking it, as I turn to walk to Kyle’s car as I heard the arguing coming from there. Coincidentally. Kyle looked over to see if I was coming which I was as he paused what he was saying and just stared like he just fell in love with me for the first time

The three other boys confused why kyle wasn’t saying anything as they looked and saw me. I stopped in front of the driver seat smiling as I wave to them.

“Open the trunk so I can put my bag there?” I asked smiling. Kyle nodded furiously as he did I set in there back and close it. I go to hope in the back of the car but before I could cartman got out the passenger and moved the seat so I can get in.

I get in as I sit in between stan and Kenny which the instantly moved closer which made me smile. Cartman got back in as he closed the door and kyle began to drive to college.

“You should tell us when you’re gonna wear sundresses so we can be prepared..” stan said as he placed a hand on my thigh to keep my dress down. Kenny does the same which smile even more.

“Yeah and don’t hope in like usual don’t wanna flash people that aren’t us” cartman cackled out before groaning in pain as kyle hit his arm

“What the shit kahl! I was just saying the truth! I don’t want people to stare at our girl!”

“Cartman has a point don’t want people to stare at you Y/N” Kenny leaned in to kiss my cheek as stan also did the same. Which made me flustered.

Kyle just rolled his eyes before smiling and stares at Y/N in the review mirror before turning the radio on as they get to their college classes.

#south park fanfiction #south park #south park x reader #south park x y/n #eric cartman fluff #stan marsh fluff #kyle broflovski fluff #Kenny mccormick fluff #➥ kenny mccormick's gf ♡ #➥ stan marsh's gf ♡ #➥ kyle's love notes ♡ #➥ eric's love notes ♡ #eric cartman x reader #kyle broflovski x reader #stan marsh x reader #kenny mccormick x reader #main 4 x reader #Main 4 x reader fluff

[fayoftheforest]

human kite & antisemitism

In the notes of my recent meta on Vampire Kyle AUs, a user reflected on how similar antisemitic stereotypes might overlap with his TFBW character as well. Since I also have some thoughts on this and enjoyed putting together the last lil post I thought I’d do another on this subject too :) 

South Park Fandom Wiki states that Human Kite is heavily inspired by Superman, “being a faraway alien with the ability to fly and to shoot lasers out of his eyes, even wearing a costume with the color red, yellow, and blue and a symbol in his chest to match.”  I think this is pretty cool! Superman was created by Jewish immigrants and is very Jewish-coded in his origin story, being “a refugee with the Hebrew-inspired name ‘Kal-El’ who escaped a dying world and fought Nazis during World War II” (JewishUnpacked). I don’t know if Tratt were aware of these roots, but either way, I think it’s pretty neat :)

South Park Fandom Wiki also claims that Kyle playing an alien character “may be a reference to how Adolf Hitler did not consider Jews ‘human.’" This is. Uh. Less neat.

Similarly upsetting is the name itself, Human Kite, which is a play on words with the horrific ethnic slur “kike.” American Jewish Committee posits that the term “is derived from the Yiddish word for circle, ‘kikel,’ a reference to how Jewish immigrants at Ellis Island signed their entry forms: a circle as opposed to an X, which Jews associated with the cross of Christianity. Immigration officers described those who signed forms with a circle as ‘kikel,’ eventually being shortened to ‘kike.’”

Did Matt and Trey really create his entire character just so that Cartman could call him Human Kike that one time? I can’t say for certain, just in the same way I don’t have a direct quote from them confirming the reasoning behind their selections of names for Kyle and Ike. But I can tell you that if you put ‘em together and you get… yeah. Yep. “Kike” again. Thank you, Tratt, very cool 👍Get a new joke maybe :/

Now, let’s talk specifically about his laser powers. Up until researching for this meta, I had presumed that Kyle’s ability to shoot lasers from his eyes was a direct reference to the Jewish Space Laser conspiracy popularised to the public by terrifyingly influential political figure Marjorie Taylor Greene. In 2018, Greene wrote a Facebook rant speculating that the California wildfires were caused by a giant laser floating in space, owned by the Jews. Very normal thing to believe :|

However, during my research, I realised that these timelines did not match up. As mentioned, Greene’s rant was shared in 2018, but didn’t go viral until 2021. Meanwhile, South Park’s The Fractured But Whole was released way back in 2017! What I had initially assumed was another antisemitic reference is in fact just a dreadful and ridiculous coincidence. Nonetheless, It’s still a commonality that’s worth pointing out, I think.

Just as an aside, I’d like to take this opportunity to give a shoutout to cousin Kyle’s version of Human Kite. Everything about him is an egregious Jewish caricature, from his irritating, snivelling voice to his long list of health issues. It’s not my fault that the limited Jewish gene pool has fucked me over, Tratt! Leave me alone! A meta about antisemitism within Cousin’s Kyle characterisation would be a mile long, so I’ll spare you that for now.

Anyway, what does this all mean when we’re creating fan content around TFBW? Must we just chuck the Human Kite persona into a blender and never speak of it again? Not necessarily. Speaking as a Jewish fandom member, I quite enjoy reading and writing Human Kite. It’s a fun character to play around with! Despite his unfortunate roots, I don’t believe including him is innately antisemitic. It just depends on how you go about doing it! If he’s not secretly running the world, controlling the banks and Hollywood, or consuming the blood of innocent Christians, you’re on the right track. 

You could even go for a little meta-commentary and acknowledge the antisemitic coding within the text! Here’s an example of how I did that in my upcoming TFBW reality swap fic (don’t question why there’s two of everyone, it makes sense within the text lmao)

“Wait, you’re telling me in an alternate reality we’re all aliens?” Kyle gawks at this funhouse-mirror version of himself, who’s busy gawking right back. “No, Kyle, just—just you,” Kenny says. “Oh.” Kyle narrows his eyes. “You know, it’s difficult not to interpret this with antisemitic undertones.” “What, like the Jewish Space Laser conspiracy?” Cartman asks. Mysterion frowns. “Jewish people have space lasers in your universe?” “No,” Cartman sighs and shakes his head forlornly, before muttering, “it’s a made-up rumour to perpetuate mistrust and hatred towards the Jewish community.” “Alright, don’t sound so disappointed,” Kyle huffs. “Guys!” Stan says. “Can we not start this argument again?” “I never said it was a cool rumour, Kyle!” Cartman snaps defensively. “Obviously it’s super harmful and whatever. All I meant was that it would have been cool if it were real. Because, like, space lasers are awesome! Right?” He looks to Kite, apparently presuming that they’re an authority on the matter. “Um.” Kite blinks, then says hesitantly, “I can shoot lasers… from my eyes. And once I did sort of fly up into space and magnify the lasers to destroy Chaos’s tin foil factory. So, uh. Does that help?” Cartman’s face lights up and is split in half by an enthusiastic grin. “It helps a lot, actually.” Kyle groans and pinches his nose. “You have no idea how much education you’ve just undone, dude.” He opens his eyes to glower at Kite. Kenny glances at Chaos. “Tin foil factory?” Chaos waves a hand dismissively. “Outsourcing proved more efficient.”

There we go! A lighthearted little nod, which acknowledges potential antisemitic readings of Human Kite, without justifying or excusing it. It’s not at all necessary when creating fan content around Human Kite, but just know that that’s an option to you, if you so choose. Just make sure antisemites are the butt of your joke, and not Jewish people, lmao.

I’ll finish up by returning to my general sentiment that I held in my Vamp!Kyle post. If you conduct your creations with a basic level of awareness and self-reflection, you’ll probably be alright. Just stay in the know, and you’re all good to go 😎

#south park #south park meta #sp meta #sp kyle #kyle broflovski #sp kyle meta #cw antisemitism #sp human kite #sp tfbw #the fractured but whole #i wrote this at like 1am last night i hope you guys enjoyed! #the research process was kinda harrowing so if you could spare a reblog for my troubles i would be much obliged :')

[southangel]

Hello again! It's the anon from the Stan and Cartman younger sibling request :D

How would the relationship between siblings have been in the post-COVID timeline (the not-fixed one yet)? I mean, Cartman got better a little bit, so maybe the relationship between him and his sibling got better or worse haha.

Have a nice day or night! :D

Being Stan and Cartman’s Younger Sibling (Post-Coivd)

Warnings: mentions of drinking/drugs

Notes: Hi Anon!! Platonic relationships, gender-neutral. I have way too much free time.

Stan Marsh

Post-Covid Stan was definitely something.

Since we’re talking about the not-fixed timeline, he was the most screwed up version of himself.

After the farm incident and everything past that, it all just built up mentally which caused his moving away.

As much as Stan hates his family, his dad, you should be lucky he still even cares about you.

After everything, you’re the only one he really has left.. All of his friends were in an argument, his dad couldn’t be any worse, and half of his family members were dead.

So what does Stan do? He takes you with him, to live with him.

He doesn’t trust his dad with you, not after how he treated him all those years.

You were both so young when the pandemic happened, you didn’t really understand the extent of it all.

Stan tries to make the best of it, but he can barely make something of himself. He tries to make sure you can’t tell, but he knows you can.

As you both grow older, it hurts you to see your own brother losing himself to his old habits.

Life wasn’t a fairy tale anymore, you were being prepared for a fake reality, Stan made you realize that..

You couldn’t remember the last time Stan didn’t reek of whiskey, or even the last time he was fully sober.

It didn’t take you long to realize that Stan became what he hated most, Randy.

The more you get older, the more you start to understand, and the more you don’t want to..

Stan promised he would always be there for you, and he was, it just seemed fake.

Stan rarely talked to you, throwing random gifts or items in your face ever so often as compensation, as if he was trying to replace his lack of affection.

You knew what he was doing, and you weren’t a little kid anymore.

If you ever got married or found a love interest, you should he grateful to even consider he showed up at your wedding/party.

Stan still loves you, he’s just so mentally screwed up that he’s slowly screwing you up in the process as well.

He doesn’t mean it, he just needs help..

You wished it would all end, change at the very least, but Stan would never go back to that loving brother you once knew.

“Hey, can you tell Alexa to go fuck herself?”

Eric Cartman

Post-Covid Cartman was definitely an improvement when comparing him to his normal self.

He is definitely more carting and family oriented, considering how he now has a wife and kids.

Cartman still isn’t completely normal, but he’s definitely nicer towards you and his family, that’s the most his kindness really extends out to.

He sends you gifts from time to time, rarely, but also lets you visit him and his family.

Some of the things Cartman has taught you from time to time have actually stuck onto you, some more than others.

Those old habits and little things he taught you to do to be like him still appear in your everyday life, surprisingly he has dropped some of them himself.

He obviously still has parts of his old personality and habits, and that will never change.

I feel that Cartman would actually have you instead of Clyde going into the time machine to go and kill Kyle.

Yes, his hatred for Kyle will never die down, no matter the universe or timeline.

I mean, you’re still his younger sibling, that much isn’t going to change. Of course Cartman is still going to manipulate you into doing things without you realizing, he can’t just not do that to you.

Once you get married or find a love interest, he would surprisingly congratulate you on this turning point in your life.

It was one of the only times where you could actually tell that Cartman wasn’t going to switch up or have a mix of emotions, suddenly trying to sabotage you.

Cartman tells everyone that he’s changed, but he’s your brother, you know him.

Deep down, he’s still that manipulative, guilt tripping, passive aggressive, chili making maniac that you’ve known for your whole literal life.

Part of you wants to tell someone, but you would believe you now or even care when everyone’s on their own in a pandemic?

Eventually, you come to terms with the future and just accept Cartman.

Now that you’re older, you realize the extent of his actions that were blinded to you when younger.

You understand why he’s like this, and part of you even starts going to start blaming Liane for being such a pushover.

Then again, she probably just influenced his behavior by burning the flame more.

Cartman starts being more ‘caring’ in his terms as an adult, but why is he still taking care of you? He’s an adult, with his own family.

Either way, no matter what you do, it’s like Cartman tries to include himself in your life more to make up for those times in your childhood.

“Congrats on the marriage, they’re a little ugly though..”

#stan marsh x reader #eric cartman #eric cartman x reader #stan marsh #stan x reader #platonic #south park x y/n #south park #south park x reader

[wendytestabrat]

Why Kyle gets angry all the time but he never cries

The reason why Kyle is always pissed off 24/7 but he doesn’t cry that much, I mean Kyle does cry sometimes but def not as much as Stan, Kenny, & Cartman I would say even tho Kyle is sensitive af, is bc anger is a secondary emotion while sadness is a primary emotion. When we get angry what’s rlly going on is we’re sad and we wanna cry about something but we’re too afraid to be vulnerable and confront those feelings so then we jump to just getting pissed off instead. Trust me I deal with this all the time bc I’m someone who has a hard time crying easily so this causes me to get angry and irritated a lot more easily and usually when I’m upset about shit I just jump to being mad instead of being sad lmaoooo. And that’s usually the case for people with anger issues. Kyle has anger problems bc even tho he’s like the most sensitive one of the group, he doesn’t allow himself to cry very much and just be sad. That’s why it’s rlly surprising when we actually do see Kyle cry like especially that moment when Kyle cried over that picture of Cartman like no one saw that coming lol. I think Kyle is just afraid of allowing himself to be vulnerable which is why he tries to act more tough than he really is 24/7 LOL. I love that moment when Kyle was like “I wanna be the tough one” and Cartman is like “Kahl you are the sweet one” bc it was rlly telling. I think that’s also why it surprises us when Kyle will be all soft and shit and then out of nowhere totally kick Cartman’s ass or do something else rlly dangerous and genocidal. He’s just retaliating in anger to overcompensate for the fact that he’s an overly sensitive soft lil gay child which he’s embarrassed about. I think a lot of the reason why Kyle tries to act tougher than he is has a lot to do with his relationship with Cartman too I think Kyle sees Cartman as someone tough (I mean obviously not physically tough but mentally tough in the way he manipulates everyone and doesn’t give a fuck) so he’s trying as desperately as he can to make himself seem stronger in comparison. Even tho all he’s rlly doing is just making himself look insecure and even weaker. Often lashing out and acting all bombastic in public is how insecure people try to mask their insecurity to put up a false front of being strong. But truly strong people know how to shut the fuck up, let things go, and stay calm lol.

#kyman #cartman #south park #KYMANRANTGARBAGE

[maki-matsurra]

could you do a romantic x reader oneshot on Eric Cartman ❤ From- South Park (Where Cartman falls head over heels for the new girl (the reader 👩) and plans to win her heart by getting advice from Wendy. After making new friends (Kenny, Stan, Kyle, Wendy, Butters, Token, and a few Raisins girls) the reader starts to spend a lot of time with cartman (after he flirts with her a bit) when he invites her to do things with him like: going to the movies, casa bonita's for lunch, playing video games at his house, the reader started to develop feelings for cartman when he invited her to go to the Valentine's day dance with him where they danced and shared their first kiss)!

(The reader is from Lynchburg, va who moves to Colorado with her family (her mother, stepfather, and her 3 sisters) the reader loves kickboxing, loves to read, her favorite show is Aqua Teen hunger Force, her favorite color is blue, her dream is being a fashion designer, she's a vegetarian, and she loves cinnabons)

(the request takes place where all the elementary kids are teenagers)

Wow! This is a lot to take in for a request! And I will be honest, it was a doozy to write as well! 😂

It’s been a while since I wrote anything South Park, and it’s pretty hard to portray Eric Cartman as… well… nice in writing, but I hope you enjoy! I gave it my best shot!

Want to send in a request? Start Here!

⚠️TW: This is South Park so; Intensive Swearing⚠️

“So we’re still on for tonight guys, right? Old mill?”

"I'll try and sneak away." Kyle smiled at his best friend, putting his textbooks in his locker.

"I'll totally be there! I got some new beer you guys GOT to try! What about you, Cartman?" Kenny turned to him, making him scoff. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be there..."

His speech slowed to a stop as he looked afar, seeing a girl wearing a blue sweater, talking to Craig and Tweek, laughing. The other three boys glanced at each other before Kyle glared at Cartman.

"Oh no, no, no, no! This is not turning into a new 'Heidi' situation!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You like that girl~." Kenny cooed teasingly.

"Wait, he does?!" Stan looked at the pair, wide-eyed. "No! He doesn't!"

"Shut the hell up, Jew! I don't like her!" He huffed, his face completely flushed as he crossed his arms and looked away.

The trio gawked at him, shocked.

"Oh my god-"

"Holy shit-"

"What the fuck-"

"You do like her!" They exclaimed, making the big-boned teen shush them. "Shut the fuck up guys!"

"Well, what are you gonna do? Ask her out?"

"...I dunno yet..."

"You could ask her to the Valentine's Day Dance coming up." Kenny offered, making Cartman shrug. "Maybe."

"Wendy could give you advice."

"Wendy?"

"Sure. I mean, she's the expert on this, right?" This made Cartman roll his brown eyes. He hated talking to Wendy, she always seemed to be so stuck-up and such a know-it-all.

There was no way he was asking for her help.

‘Goddamn it.’

There he was, walking towards Wendy at her locker.

"Heeey Wendy..." Cartman greeted awkwardly.

"No."

"The fuck- I haven't even said anything yet-"

"I can tell by your tone that you want something." She explained before turning to him. "So, no."

She then started to walk away, but he was right by her side.

"Look, all I want is-"

"No."

"Would you just-"

"No."

"How do I ask (Y/N) to the fucking dance?!"

She paused at that, eyes wide. "(Y/N) (L/N)?"

"Yes."

"New girl (Y/N) (L/N)?"

"Yeah."

"New girl who just moved from Lynchburg (Y/N) (L/N)?"

"For fucks sake, YES!"

She hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond to this. Cartman asking a girl out to a dance? Has the world just ended? Did she hit her head?

She then just settled with a; "...Why?"

This made him pause befoe shrugging. "I dunno... I-I guess I like her-"

"Oh, whatever. You said the same thing back in elementary school with Heidi Turn-"

"Wendy! This is not elementary school and (Y/N) is not Heidi Turner! So are you gonna help me or not?!"

This made her pause once again, thinking it over and weighing her options before she sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll help you. But if this turns into another Heidi situation-"

"Jesus Christ- It won't!"

"Swear on your dad, Cartman."

"...What?" He blinked in confusion.

"Swear on your dad that his won't be another Heidi, and I'll help you."

He sighed dramatically at this, rolling his eyes before meeting her violet ones. "I swear."

Satisfied with that, she gave him a firm nod. "Alright then. Now, with a girl like her, or any girl you really care about, you got to get to know her." She explained, the pair walking down the hall.

"Okay."

"But she also has to get to know you. The real you. No egos or fake personalities or anything like that. Then, if she likes what she see's, you got a date."

This made Cartman stop in his tracks. "Wait, you're saying it all depends on her?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Wendy nodded, confirming.

"What the hell kind of advice is that?!"

"Look, I'm sorry, Cartman." She interrupted, holding her hand up before letting her textbooks rest in it once again. "If you want this girl to go to the dance with you, and really, and I mean really, like you. Then you gotta let her decide, not you."

She then turned to leave, but gave him one last glance. "Good luck, Cartman."

"Not gonna need it."

He will totally need it.

“Hey, (Y/N).”

The (h/c) girl paused her conversation with Butters at her desk to see Cartman. She smiled kindly at him. "Oh, hey! Cartman? Right?"

"I wanted to... U-Uh..." He hesitated before glaring at the blue-eyed boy. "Butters, fuck off. You and (Y/N) can continue your little talk after I'm done talking to her."

The girl raised her brows in shock as Kyle face-palmed in the background, nevertheless, Butters smiled at him. "Okay, Eric!"

As soon as he left, Cartman started again. "D-Do you want to... Ugh... Fuck it." He slammed a piece of paper on her desk, startling her a bit. "Video games. At my house. After School. Be there."

And with that, he walked back to his desk, his face completely flushed. He did peek over to see her pick up the paper with his address on it, giggling a little before tucking it away in her blue sweater pocket. His hopes rose up, hoping that was a yes.

Turns out it was! She came over and the pair decided to play Call of Duty together. Talking about all sorts of things, even sharing some laughs.

After that day, the two did almost everything together. Going to lunches, hanging out in and after class, you name it.

Everyone was just shocked on Cartman's behavior towards her. Everytime the two walked down the halls together, the others would look at him like he grew two heads. Could it be that she actually tamed him?

Then came that fateful day, the day he dared to ask (Y/N) to the Valentine's Day Dance.

He slammed the piece of paper on her desk, and like before, it startled her.

He walked back to his own desk, his face flushed in embarrasment, before he was startled by a hand slamming down on his desk. He looked up to see (Y/N), a smile on her face before turning and going back to her desk. He looked down and saw a piece of paper. The same one he slammed down on her desk.

He unfolded it.

Valentines Day Dance. 8. Ok.

He smiled at this, not waiting a second to go rub it in Kyle and Wendy's faces.

The night of the dance came, and the two were tearing it p on the dance floor. Cartman making (Y/N) laugh with his silly dance moves. She looked absolutely amazing in her short light blue dress.

"You're so stupid, Cartman." She giggled. "But that's one of the things I like about you."

He paused at that, turning to meet her gaze with a shocked look.

"You... Like me?" He asked, making her nod with a smile.

"You're not fucking around with me, are you?"

And with that, she stood on her tip-toes and kissed his cheek, pulling away with red-tinted cheeks. "What do you think?"

He only had one thing to say to answer that question.

He grabbed her by the waist,

and kissed her.

Eric Cartman kissed a girl.

(Y/N) wrapped her arms around his neck as she returned it, her (e/c) eyes fluttering shut.

Although Cartman would never say this out loud,

this was the best night of his life.

#Anon #Anon Request #matsurrawrites #South Park #Eric Cartman #One Shot #one shot request #South Park fanfic #Fanfic #eric cartman x reader #South Park x Reader

[4awny]

UPDATE ALERT: A Helping Hand

Cartman leaned in to get a closer look. "So that's where you've been."

"I'm running on fumes right now, so I need to get there tonight or I'm gonna be stranded out here."

"What the hell are you doing all the way in Nevada?" Kyle questioned and reached out to grab his laptop sitting on top of the dresser. The tips of his wiggling fingers just about made contact, when Cartman abruptly swiped it away.

"You asshole."

Cartman dropped the laptop onto his lap. "I'm trying to help you, retard."

Usually when the brunette did something nice, it was either to benefit himself or he expected something in return. Kyle eyed him like the sceptic that he was.

"I'll tell ya what. When I get back, I'll come and tuck you into bed, read ya a nice bedtime story and I can tell you all about my lil trip up here in The Silver State. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." Kyle agreed, despite wanting to know more. "Maybe then we could actually celebrate your birthday."

"Ah, and there's me thinking y'all forgot."

"I didn't forget." Cartman confessed proudly. "I knew and then made a conscious decision to not give a fuck."

"Heh." It took Kenny a moment to think of something to come back with. And then he remembered all about the juicy material he had on him. The smirk could be heard in his voice. "You got a habit of ignoring things, ya know that?"

Kyle was too distracted with setting up his laptop to notice the sudden change in the brunette's expression. "Cartman's got a lot of habits, Kenny."

"You know what, Kyle? You are so right, he does! You wanna know what my favourite one is?"

"Kenny." Cartman warned when he felt his face starting to flush.

"Okay, okay. Seeing as we're best buds and all, I won't go into it. Like the good friend that I am, I ain't saying nuthin."

He knew what game Kenny was playing. He knew, because he would have done the exact same thing if he managed to play his cards right. "Fuck you."

Kyle paid no attention to the conversation and assumed they were just talking shit to each other. "Photo's kinda blurry, dude. I'll fix the resolution and then I'll look for anything that stands out so I can pinpoint where it is. Might take a while."

"Thanks, man. You're a big help. I would kiss ya if I could." He snickered and Cartman could sense a storm heading his way. "Actually, second thought, I better not. If I did that, Cartman might-"

"BAH BAH BAH, ENOUGH." He swiped the phone from Kyle's grasp and quickly switched off the loud speaker. When his ear met with hysterical laughter, his blood boiled and he growled out, like a bear protecting a secret. "I swear to god, you scrawny piece of shit, the next time I see you?! I'm gonna take a knife and kill you my goddamn self! Slow and painful, how about that?!"

"Ha! Bring it on, asshole. You're the one that outed me first. Mama always told me you get what ya get and you got what ya got. And you wanna know something? I have no fucking clue what she was talking about. Still don't. But I think I get it now. So yeah, you can go ahead and kiss my scrawny piece of shit ass. Yer fucking prick."

Cartman spat with pure rage. "You fucking-!"

"Cartman."

Kyle's calm voice flinched him away from the phone. "What?!" He barked and regretted it immediately. Hearing the sound of the hangup dial, Cartman took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose as a means of calming himself down before handing the phone back to its rightful owner.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31878976/chapters/88707868

Chapter 24 - A Helping Hand

#i live for kenny and cartman arguing like children #they both literally in the same boat #cartmans an asshole in this chap js #south park #kyman #crenny #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #Craig Tucker

[south-park-meta]

How would you describe Stan and Cartmans relationship?

Cartman seems to respect him the most from the group.

Stan and Cartman's relationship is...weird.

Cartman's jealous of Stan and doesn't have the same kind of ammo against Stan that he has against Kyle and Kenny.

As far as jealousy goes: Of the four, Stan is the one the kids turn to as leader most often and Cartman loves power. Stan has a supportive 'conventional' family with two parents, a sister, uncle, grandfather, who he sees all the time. Stan is loved by them, and he loves them. Even WITH saying he outright hates Randy now, I think their relationship could be repairable if they weren't on the farm. Stan is generally good at making and keeping friends; even if he mostly hangs out with his gang, he'll make comments like 'so and so is our friend' or 'she's cool' or 'he's nice'. Cartman is very much not. He's hated by most the class and tries to separate Stan and Kyle frequently to get them to hate each other and like him instead.

As far as ammo goes: There's very little stuff that will really hurt Stan and could make him easier to manipulate. Kyle is Jewish. Kenny is poor. Stan is...Stan. I mean, in newer seasons Stan's depressed, he's cynical, he's pissy, but by and large the things Stan are can't be used against him. Like Cartman will call him a pussy, but like-- 'Okay I care about animals, I'm nice to people, so what?' -- that kind of an attack is on a trait he's grown more comfortable with about himself. Stan might not care at all about Cartman's insults, he might already know the situation sucks and is critical of it so anything Cartman says means jack, or he can mask the way it hurts him and deal with it privately. Compared to most, if not all, other characters, he is very good at not being hurt often by things Cartman says and not giving Cartman a strong reaction when he is hurt.

Not giving Cartman something to work with forces Cartman into the position of mostly being nice to him. If Cartman tears into him about being miserable jackass living alone on the farm with no friends nearby and Stan's response is 'uh yeah, ik. It fucking sucks.' instead of an explosive response like 'Shut the fuck up Cartman! I still have friends!', then there's nowhere to go. Stan wins the argument by shutting it down. So Cartman is less likely to even try engaging it.

This situation is also something Cartman's less prone to make fun of because it's one of the few times Stan's been consistently giving him the time of day without involving Kyle somehow. Cartman's come to his house. They've played games together. Cartman and Stan BOTH leaned into the bullying video because it stroked their egos. Until blowing it to pieces with the Vaccination Special, Cartman was actually getting more frequent friendship moments with both Stan and Kyle.

On Stan's end, I think Stan knows and has known from the start that Cartman's an asshole and not a good friend. Like if he wasn't friends with Kyle who actually deep down wants Cartman to turn things around and be a good person, Stan would have told him to fuck off ages ago. Cartman was just part of the package of Kyle and Kenny, grandfathered in to the group.

Their dynamic's changed a little, but this core thought hasn't. Stan's gotten more and more depressed, and feeling more and more like he's a piece of shit, too. So he and Cartman have been feeding into each other's bad habits more. He's been indulging the smaller ways that Cartman's been an asshole, like spying on people with drones. He didn't actively engage in it, but he didn't shoot it down like Kyle did. Stan let Cartman sing about his vagina in the anti-bullying campaign because Stan also used it as an opportunity to stroke his ego. They probably wrote it together going Yeah we're gonna look so good, dude! Previously it's seemed like Stan hangs out with Cartman, alone, least of all of the four, and when he does it winds up like Beaverton where they do something bad and then he feels bad about it. But in recent seasons instead of doing something with Cartman, having it end up worse than he thought and feeling bad, he's used Cartman's friendship so he can be a bit of an ass. Either he uses/plays into Cartman's behavior to verify his depressive negative internal monologue that he's a bad person, or like in Butterballs, he and Cartman feed off each other to get external validation to prove No! Really, they're actually GOOD people.

Stan didn't engage in anything too terrible that way. When Cartman does worse than 'kind of being a dick' moments, Stan still calls it out. But Stan was still being less caring of other people's feelings and more self-centered. The Vaccination Special was the kick in the pants Stan needed to finally realize it was all too unhealthy to continue.

So on Cartman's side: Basically he wants to be Stan. He wants to be liked, and athletic, and have a family who loves him, and have the natural leadership skills Stan has that makes people follow him. He thinks Stan has what he deserves.

On Stan's side: Basically Stan wants to be anyone BUT Cartman and thinks Cartman's an ass. The friendlier he is with Cartman the more he's either 1. being self-destructive in the same vein as yelling 'Fuck you!' at Kyle-- He's being an asshole to prove to others he's the asshole he thinks he is. Or, 2. because he really DOESN'T want to be seen as an asshole, he's engaging in 'please like me' behavior like the ego-stroking video in Butterballs.

#stan marsh #south park meta #eric cartman #long post

[derivativealigner]

Well, I’m done rewatching season 2 of south park and I’ve taken plenty of notes and screenshots to document all the facts and tidbits I thought were interesting or just funny. Under the cut is a collection of notes where I progressively start caring more and more about fake children

Kenny’s house is full of empty bottles, his family eats frozen waffles for dinner, and his dad is drinking at the dinner table

Kenny’s and Kyle’s dads have some history. They were best friends as teenagers

Kenny’s dad is kind of anti-Semitic, he says Kyle’s dad was successful because he’s Jewish

Cartman kind of expresses agreement with Stuart’s anti-Semitism, which I think is the first time Cartman’s been clearly anti-Semitic

Kenny’s house has rats, but his room has lights that shut off when you clap twice

WOW KYLE wtf he says “Kenny's not really my friend, Ma. I don't give a rat's ass about him.” FUCKING RUDE

Kyle and Kenny have a fun little sleepover where they play “ookie mouth”, a game where they take turn spitting in each other’s mouths. This episode (S02E10 Chickenpox) is great for fans of K2 despite how absolutely disgusting ookie mouth is

The McCormick house was something Stuart and Gerald built as teenagers. A fort in Stuart’s mom’s backyard

Gerald went to community college

Gerald and Stuart have a fun fist fight by a pond

Kyle makes a haiku: Fatass Cartman was / not on the school bus today. / What a big, fat turd.

Kenny makes a haiku: When you rub your dick, / you might find a discharge that / winds up on the floor.

Kyle makes another: Ass full of pork fat / jiggles like a Jello mold. / Mouth is flapping, too.

And another by Kyle: I bet you don't win. / They don't let big fat asses / perform on TV.

Cartman responds: Shut your God-damned mouth / or else I'm... gonna... kick you / square in the balls... asshole

I spy with my desperate eye the beginnings of Craig’s gang, featuring Kenny with wonky eyes

Bebe thinks Kyle has a hot ass and she’s not shy about saying it

Bebe writes a note to Kyle, and Stan tries to pass it on but Mr. Garrison thinks it’s Stan’s note for Kyle and makes him read it out loud. So he reads: “Dear Kyle. You have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perked cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity.” (If that happened to me I’d be embarrassed forever)

POV: You’re Stan and you just said you love Kyle’s juicy ass in front of the whole 3rd grade class

The first time Stan’s mom and dad get a divorce is in S02E12, way sooner than I remembered

Bebe kisses Kyle when they’re playing truth or dare in their clubhouse, probably Kyle’s first kiss. Kyle thinks it’s disgusting (despite having played ookie mouth with Kenny which is arguably more disgusting)

Bebe breaks up with Kyle and goes off with Clyde, who says “Bitchin’ 😎”. Later Clyde is with Bebe, Stan, and Wendy at the club house

Cartman and Kyle have a fist fight once again. Kyle hated Cartman way more than Stan did very early on, kind of all along really, they truly were destined to be arch enemies

Kenny has food stamps

Oh, and Cartman’s made poor jokes about Kenny and twice (I think) Kenny has punched him in retaliation in the past 2 seasons. Kenny’s family is probably a bad and violent example for him

By the way, if you’ve ever wondered what Kenny says in the theme song but never looked it up, in seasons 1-2 he sings “I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with deep vaginas” but in the remastered versions of seasons 1-2 (which is the version I’m watching) they changed it to the season 3-5 lyrics: “I have got a ten-inch penis, use you mouth if you wanna clean it”.

When an evil twin version of Cartman says nice things, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stare at him in horror. Stan says, “Dude, this is creepy.”

Also, the boys say dude a lot. At least Stan, Kyle, and Kenny do, Cartman not as much

Kenny’s mom hits him when he’s hogging the blanket from his brother. Kenny makes a sad face and it made me feel bad :(

When evil twin Cartman comes to give the McCormicks some supplies, Kenny’s dad asks if that was his “fat, racist, foul-mouthed friend” so Cartman clearly has a reputation

When Stan gets scared of his evil fish, he wakes Shelly up and she slaps him. Their mom sees it and says nothing

But on the other hand his mom buries a body that Stan’s fish killed because she thinks he killed it so I guess she’s not entirely a bad mom

Kenny was supposed to buy a pumpkin for Halloween but he could only afford a squash and his friends are really mean about it. The more I watch the more I feel bad for Kenny (and Stan)

Cartman kind of has a shitty friendship with Kenny. He says “I hate you Kenny” because of the squash

Kyle is really annoyed by Cartman saying “hella” all the time, nobody else is as annoyed

Evil Cartman sings a cute little song while wielding a knife: You guys / are my best friends, / through thick and thin, / we've always been together! / We're four of a kind, / having fun all day, / palling around and laughing away. / Just best friends, / best friends are we!

Stan still has his dog, Sparky, in season 2

After Stan’s fish kills Kenny, Kenny’s mom comes over to ask about her son and she’s drunk and upset. Honestly seeing Kenny die all the time makes me kind of sad

Stan says Kenny’s squash isn’t a bad little squash. Very heartwarming. The squash gets first prize at the pumpkin carving contest :)

Cartman’s grandma and extended family live in Nebraska

When the boys go to Cartman’s family to have Christmas dinner, Kenny’s dad tells him to take any leftovers and bring them back home (he does it very gently and Kenny just says “okay” and why do I care that this fake child dies all the time and barely has food at home, like why the fuck do I care so much???)

Cartman’s mom is wearing glasses when she drives. She doesn’t do it in the later seasons but maybe she has contacts

Cartman and his mom sing a road trip song for 4 hours. Kyle says “please stop” but when they ignore him, he kicks Cartman’s seat and makes Cartman hit his head

Stan has a complicated relationship with his family, he says they’re dead to him because they didn’t want him to go on a road trip to Nebraska so Stan went without telling them

Kenny doesn’t eat at the dinner table with Cartman’s family, he just shoves the food in a bag :( I feel so bad for him

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny all hit Cartman after they wake in the night to make sure they’re not dreaming

Under his coat, Cartman wears a pink tank top that says BEEFCAKE. He wore it in S1E02 Weight Gain 2000

Charles Manson invites Kenny to go to a more secluded location and Kenny just says okay and goes, but honestly he should know better since he’s aware that he keeps dying

Cartman bonks his cousin Elvin on the head and gives him brain damage. Elvin gets better though

THE NEXT EPISODE IS GNOMES!!! TWEEEEEK!!!!

Token gets named when he’s put in a group with Wendy, Bebe, Clyde, and Pip. Craig’s gang is getting closer to becoming a thing!!

IT’S OUR FUCKING BOY TWEEK TWEAK BITCH YEEEEAAAH

Tweek says he’s awake at 3:30am because he can’t sleep, ever

Jesus, Tweek’s dad kind of sucks immediately. He says he might have to sell Tweek to slavery if his coffee shop goes out of business

Cartman says Kenny’s family is happy being poor and on welfare, “right, Kenny?” and Kenny says “fuck you” which is completely justified

When the underpants gnomes don’t appear, Tweek is worried he’s going insane and pulls on his hair

His parents say Tweek is jittery and anxious just because he has ADD (but the kind of severe jitteriness and anxiety Tweek has isn’t a symptom of primarily inattentive ADHD, even though people with ADHD do experience restlessness and can even have some tics and are more likely to have anxiety as a comorbid disorder than a neurotypical person is, but I mean come on, we all know Tweek’s slurping way too much coffee so even if he has ADHD beneath all that, his parents should stop giving him coffee and they definitely should not start lacing it with meth. Basically what I’m saying is that Tweek’s parents are full of shit)

Actually Tweek’s mom is kind of okay. She tells Tweek’s dad that he’s being shitty for using kids to advance his agenda. But… the agenda is against big corporations and I hate to say it but Tweek’s dad kind of has a point

Ew, the boys are giving a pro big corporations speech. That aged really poorly considering how shitty billionaires are

Aww, look at Kenny! He got scared of a crocodile that Steve Irwin is about to bother by jamming his thumb up its butthole

The boys are really excited about Steve Irwin jamming his thumb up a crocodile’s butthole

Oh my God, Kyle calls Cartman a fatass penis

Kenny is a mediator between Stan and Kyle. They ask him which one found this ice man in a cave first, but Kenny just deflects and agrees with Kyle’s name suggestion (Steve) for the ice man

I kind of like Dr. Mephesto. I’m glad he came back for Fractured But Whole

Stan and Kyle are having a terrible fight about who found the ice man. Kyle says they’re not best friends anymore and that Cartman is his new best friend and Cartman says “Sweet!”, then Stan claims Cartman as his new best friend and Cartman says “Killer!”

This prehistoric ice man episode is actually funny, I love it

Stan and Kyle are having a fight to the death

They reconcile and become best friends again. They both agree that Cartman’s a sucky best friend

Well, that was the last episode of the season. This was fun. South Park is actually a fun show

Kenny deaths:

S02E10 Kenny is in the hospital because of chicken pox. He laughs at Cartman’s joke so hard that his heart flatlines like beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

S02E11 Kenny’s head explodes after Stan and Kyle make him watch planetarium lights at a high intensity

S02E12 Kenny gets trampled in a mosh pit

S02E13 A cow impales Kenny’s head with its horn

S02E14 Ozzy Osbourne bites Kenny’s head off

S02E15 Kenny is killed by Stan’s evil fish, he gets spun in the fish tank until the water’s red

S02E16 The police shoot Kenny who came outside with a white flag during a hostage situation, then the police hit his dead body with a baton and handcuff him

S02E17 Kenny gets crushed by the underpants gnomes’ mine cart. The gnomes are horrified but Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Tweek are kinda like whatever

S02E18 Kenny gets squished underneath a conveyer belt

Onto the next season I go. I’ll watch the movie too since it was released around halfway through season 3

#south park #sp rewatch #this was supposed to be a quick little thing but i'm taking it too seriously #i feel like i'm screaming into a void

[hellpark]

TWEEK: Guys-- guys, I’m so sorry for what happened back there, seriously.

TWEEK: Hhhhoh my god I never wanted it to get like this, even though I knew it would I just knew it, none of them can ever just let things be normal, or-- or simple, or--

KENNY: Dude... shut up.

CRAIG: Give us a fucking second to breath.

CRAIG: Holy shit.

KENNY: Hey wait... isn’t this that new kid?

TOKEN: Y-yeah-- yeah...

KENNY: Why can’t we ever have anything normal happen in this town...

TWEEK: Seriously, I’m so sorry-- it was never meant to--

CRAIG: Dude, shut up!

CRAIG: Since the moment you came around, everything’s been fucked up.

CRAIG: I can’t even think straight without hearing some bullshit voices, or seeing one of my friends die!

CRAIG: You let Thomas... I...

KENNY: Are you gonna be okay, Craig?

CRAIG: Fuck no I’m not gonna be okay!

TWEEK: Hhhghhg-- We-- we’re all okay! Everything’s safe now, they’re not gonna follow us--

TOKEN: Tweek, it doesn’t matter if you pushed us to safety, you lied to us!

TOKEN: You told us, right to our faces-- like on several occasions-- that you weren’t a demon!

TWEEK: I’m not a demon!

CRAIG: Oh yeah, that’s real convincing, buddy.

TWEEK: I swear it! I’m just an imp!

TOKEN: Dude, what are you even talking about?

TOKEN: You have the horns and the wings and stuff!

TWEEK: Trust me, a demon is a totally different thing, I promise you! GHhghgh--

CRAIG: What are you even talking about?

TWEEK: W-well, for starters, demons don’t have legs like mine.

TWEEK: And being a demon is an earned status, man.

TWEEK: You either gotta fall from heaven, or do something really, really fucked up in hell to earn that title.

TWEEK: I have nothing to do with any of you guys, I-- I barely know any of you!

KENNY: Then why are you here?

TWEEK: Because fucking Gregory and Pip and all of those assholes wanted to get back up to the surface and do whatever the hell it is they’ve always wanted to do-- I don’t know, man!

TWEEK: They’ve talked to me for years about what they’d do the moment they could get back onto the overworld.

TWEEK: Pip is just going off the god damn wall or something, he wasn’t even originally planning to do everything he’s done, I have no clue why he’s doing any of this, he’s never been like this before, and I-- I-- hfhhjfhHGHJFHghhjgh...

TWEEK: But Gregory, Estella, and Thomas, specifically... they’ve always had a reason to come back up here the moment I knew them.

TWEEK: Thomas is, like... he’s good. He’s way too nice. He just wanted to get back to the surface for you guys, apparently.

TWEEK: So of course he dies. Of course he does.

TWEEK: L-like, he’ll be back, sure, but man... he did not deserve that shit, man...

TWEEK: And Estella is freaking the fuck out just because she wants to, I don’t even think she’s ever said a word about any of you. Do you guys even know her???

TWEEK: Ugh-- it doesn’t matter.

STAN: Hey, I have a question???

STAN: I have a fucking question hello???????

TWEEK: Wh-what...?

STAN: Why the hell is Gregory a demon?

STAN: He disappeared when he was like eleven, what could he have possibly done that was so bad that he turned into a demon.

STAN: And you cannot convince me that asshole went to heaven.

STAN: No way he did.

CARTMAN: I always hated that guy...

STAN: Yeah exactly he’s an asshole, nobody likes him, see?

TWEEK: Trust me, I know.

TWEEK: He’s not a demon either, though.

TWEEK: None of anybody you’re dealing with are demons.

STAN: Well then what about all the horns and--

TWEEK: Look, hell is a fucked up place.

TWEEK: And I don’t mean, like, it’s awful and horrible and hellfire rains from the skies--

TWEEK: That shit ended years ago.

TWEEK: This new hell, under the son of Satan’s reign, is so... messed up, man.

TWEEK: Everything’s so... nice. And uncontrolled. And there’s palm trees, and--

TWEEK: Man I don’t understand it.

STAN: Then what’s the issue???

TWEEK: There’s nobody around punishing the unforgiven anymore, that’s the problem!

TWEEK: When the hellbound don’t get punished, their emotions fester.

TWEEK: They have time to sit there and think about everything that’s gone wrong in their life, and there’s nothing there to stop their souls from getting super fucking warped.

TWEEK: Gregory’s been so pissed off for like, years. I’ve known him for like, a few years but I can tell he’s still not over what happened to him.

TWEEK: He goes on and on about you, man.

TWEEK: You.

TWEEK: And like, bananas, for some reason...

STAN: ...

STAN: Bananas, huh.

STAN: You’re trying to tell me that you’re a good guy, and that Gregory is pissed off at me and bananas.

TWEEK: I barely listen to him so I don’t know the whole story, but...

TWEEK: He’s pissed off at you, and he’s here to get you.

TWEEK: I don’t know what the fuck you did man.

STAN: This is stupid.

CRAIG: Yeah, you’re still from hell!

CRAIG: You’re still fucking up all our lives.

TWEEK: RRRGH-- I’m not trying to fuck up your lives, I’m trying to stop Gregory and his stupid friends from doing anything to you guys!

STAN: Wow, great job so far, you’re like a guardian angel.

STAN: You just stood outside my house while I got choked, dude!

TOKEN: Why do you care so much about us?

TWEEK: Dumb reasons man--

TWEEK: Just--

TWEEK: Look, let me take you guys somewhere safe. Or-- or like. Tell you how to protect yourselves.

STAN: Why should we take advice from you?

TWEEK: Because you’ve been standing here for the last five minutes listening to my advice, you can stand another minute or two of it, holy shit.

TOKEN: Where can we even go that’s safe at all???

TWEEK: Like. Like...

TWEEK: [sigh]

TWEEK: I don’t know.

TWEEK: We’ll find you guys some place.

TWEEK: After we do, I need to get the hell out of here, because they can obviously track me, man...

#south park #tweek tweak #imp tweek #craig tucker #kenny mccormick #stan marsh #eric cartman #token black #gregory of yardale #hellpark #so many of the mods worked on this one!!! #they all did such a good job.

[hachichimitsu2]

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

Hello. Yes, you heard me. Here are all the scenes that legit scream out “STYLE” in South Park, whether these scenes are too far of a reach or not. I mostly compiled this out of my very own convenience, and hopefully this’ll help you a whole lot too. This is extremely text heavy, so I’ll put this under “Read More”. I haven’t played any of the games, so I won’t be including it here at this time, so if you guys know any good moments from the games, please let me know and I’ll add it to the list.

Cherokee Hair Tampons:

- The entire goshdarn episode.

- Stan being concerned and distraught over a dying Kyle breaks my heart. He was even bawling next to Kenny.

- Stan willing to donate his kidney to Kyle, even if it’d hurt a lot.

- Stan knowing that Kyle ate a bean and bacon soup half an hour ago shows that he’s been by Kyle’s side for quite some time now.

- Stan holding onto Kyle while they were at Cartman’s house.

- “Dude, you’re my best friend. I don’t want you to die before I do...”

Super Best Friends:

- Yeah, um, this episode...is gay.

- Stan and Kyle entering the episode with ice cream cones while Butters and Cartman wondering where they got them from. It’s assumed Stan and Kyle were hanging out with each other off-screen.

- I think Kyle being convinced that he’s not “really happy” through brainwashing is parallel to Stan being convinced that he’s “depressed” by the Church of Scientology.

- Stan trying to help Kyle escape with him, not even mentioning this plan to Kenny, Cartman or even Butters.

- Stan and Kyle looking at each other with longing looks while dramatic music plays in the background. Ah yes. I am...not even joking...this legit happened.

- How to Find Your Boyfriend 101: “OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!!” “Y-you bastards...”

- Stan pleading Kyle not to kill himself and to hold his breath while being there for him.

- The ending where they call each other Super Best Friends and both proceed to beat up Cartman when he teased that they should make out.

Cartmanland:

- Stan comforting a distraught Kyle.

- @belovedhomosexuals mentioned that canonically, Stan helps Kyle with his hemorrhoid cream, and IM-

- Stan doing everything he can to get back at Cartman for Kyle’s sake.

- Stan demanding the doctor to wheel Kyle out to see Cartman in misery.

Asspen:

- “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HEATHER!!” >:(

- Kyle not wanting Stan to do the K-13. He doesn’t want him to die.

- Kyle holds a polaroid photo of the both of them. How cute. Does he bring it with him wherever he goes?

The Biggest Douche In The Universe:

- Stan not wanting to go back to Colorado without Kyle and does all he can to convince him that John Edward is a fraud.

Follow That Egg:

- They are dads.

- They take care of their egg really well.

- “As a matter of fact, it is the nicest hat I’ve ever known”

- They’re the reasons gays could get married.

- Stan getting jealous of Kyle being paired up with Wendy. It does seem like a reach I have to admit, but if you’re a Stylendy fan, then this one’s for you.

Return of Chef

- The iconic beginning “flashback” where they both look at the sunset together.

Smug Alert:

- Stan and Kyle meeting in the parking lot in the beginning when Kyle was helping his dad give fake tickets.

- Kyle being moved away from South Park has Stan write a song to get Kyle and his family to come back.

- The cute hug in the end.

Fantastic Easter Special

- Stan, out of breath, asks Kyle for help in protecting Snowball

- Kyle helping him out anyways even though he was busy with fingerprinting.

- Cinematic parallels of Kyle killing Jesus and Stan killing that alien in Pinewood Derby.

Imaginationland Trilogy

- Kyle calling Stan in the morning regarding the “dream.”

- Stan and Kyle, unsure of the notes, both trying to recall the Imagination song. It was cute.

- Stan being distraught when ManBearPig got a hold on Kyle. (I swear, I’ve used the word “distraught” for over 1948388 times now)

- Kyle communicating through Stan telepathically with his Imagination.

Guiltar Queer O

- The whole episode.

- “I know...I need you.”

- The whole episode was literally as if they went through a break up.

- They’re both in sync when playing, right up to their tongues up.

- “Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity! Oh, thank you, your royal lordship!” (Foreshadowing for SOT?)

- Stan thinking of Kyle as he’s “driving”.

The List:

- Stan doing all he can to prove that Kyle is a handsome mf. Another episode that screams Stylendy rights.

You Got F’d in the A:

- Kyle being so happy to see Stan dancing back to the Orange County kids.

- It’s canon that Stan can dance well while Kyle doesn’t have rhythm whatsoever. Wouldn’t it be a cute idea for Stan to teach Kyle how to dance?

You Have 0 Friends

- Kyle pleading Stan to water his crops.

- A short detail but if you noticed when Kyle announced that they made an FB account for Stan, he only added himself as Stan’s friend. This means that Kyle legit “friended” himself in Stan’s profile and didn’t bother to add Kenny or Cartman to Stan’s friend list.

- “Yes. WE’RE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS STAN!!” :D

You’re Getting Old:

- Oof. Yeah....

- Stan obviously loves Kyle a whole lot, but him seeing Kyle slowly turn into a turd probably did break his heart little by little. And when I mean by probably, I mean massively.

- Kyle shouldn’t exactly be demonized for not being able to handle Stan’s cynicism. Because I think it’s ok to admit you can’t handle such emotional drainage even if coming from your SBF, but do mind that him leaving Stan was most likely NOT easy for him. It’s kinda sad that they’ve slowly drifted away since then. BUT NO I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN ;-;

Assburgers:

- “Fuck you Kyle! You’re a piece of shit...Kyle, I love you. You’re a piece if shit though, fuck you...! I love you...”

- Stan immediately going back to Kyle when he’s feeling “better”

- That McDonalds Exec. literally narrating Stan and Kyle’s current rocky relationship and not believing every second of if.

A Nightmare on Facetime:

- “WILL SOMEONE GET ME A CHARGER OVER HERE!!’

- Kyle bringing and guiding Stan through the iPad.

Ginger Cow:

- Jokes aside, when Stan was asking Kyle about Cartman’s farts, he was really sweet and understanding to him. He genuinely wants to understand why Kyle likes Cartman’s farts so much and knew something was up by the way Kyle was hiding things.

- I also like how he was not afraid to call Kyle a dick. I think a good level of transparency is needed in a healthy relationship. That’s just how they roll.

- Stan helping Kyle cover up in the end....though it did backfire.

Black Friday Trilogy:

- “DID KYLE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!” “Kyle thought of it.” ;-;

- Stan being grounded and Kyle apologizing at the other side of the door was peak gay angst level.

- “That’s just how Xbox people are...” D:

- Ok now for something sweet. In the deleted scene, Stan was showing Kyle how the playstation controller works and...wow.......what cute babies.

Prehistoric Ice Man:

- “Oh my god! They killed Kenny!!” *looks at Kyle* “What? I’m not talking to you anymore.”

- Them fighting and arguing was so adorable. Their voices were so squeaky and cute in this episode.

- “First one to die loses.” SOGKEKGKRI WHAT MORONS

- Stan and Kyle kind of awkwardly trying to start the fight reminds me of Tweek vs Craig.

Mexican Joker:

- Stan angrily sending Cartman to the detention center after hearing about him sending Kyle there.

Band in China:

- “kyyyyyyYYYYYLEEEE :D DUDE YOU’RE BACK!!”

- Stan making a death metal band because a.) He hates living in the farm and b.) He misses Kyle so hard.

Britney’s New Look:

- Another Stan and Kyle episode where they both realized how so far in the wrong they’re in, and they desperately want to fix it.

- Stan and Kyle giving up in the end and joining in the chant.

The Death of Eric Cartman:

- Stan offering Kyle money so he could buy milk for lunch.

Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub:

- “You can't just hang out with your buddy Kyle all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny.”

- When Kyle walks over in the end, Stan proceeds to complain to him how he had the worst night and they both go to Kyle’s house to hang.

The China Probrem

- In the beginning, Stan telling Kyle to refute Cartman’s racist sayings and got overly concerned when Kyle said he couldn’t do this anymore.

- Stan going in Kyle’s room to talk about moving on from what they’ve witnessed.

- Stan holding Kyle’s hand to run away in Kyle’s dream. Kyle waking up and crying when Stan wasn’t around to comfort him.

- Stan and Kyle crying in each other’s arms and telling each other “I love you”.

- Small detail but when they were leaving the attorney’s office and the attorney and the kids were crying altogether, Stan put a hand on Kyle to comfort him as they were crying.

The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce:

- Stan appearing in Kyle’s living room suddenly.

- “Well dude, maybe we're just super badass. Have you thought of that?” Yeah I know Stan was trying to cover up what he just did by saying that but still.

Cartman Gets An Anal Probe:

- Stan helping Kyle save Ike.

- “Hahaha you farted.” WHAT GROSS DORKS

- Kyle telling a speech to the aliens and Stan remarking how beautiful it was.

A Very Crappy Christmas:

- Kyle calling Stan in the middle of the night to get the guys, and Stan answering all sleepily is so adorable.

- Stan and Kyle voice acting together.

- Stan and Kyle doing the stopmotion animation together.

- Stan and Kyle laughing when they had Stan voice act Cartman to say the “ham” line.

Fun With Veal:

- Kyle taking care of a sickly Stan despite being a bit of a germaphobe.

The Snuke:

- Stan coming over to a sick Kyle’s house immediately after school has been suspended.

Crack Baby Athletic Association:

- Stan not being afraid to call out on Kyle.

- Kyle snuck into Stan’s room and Stan was listening to him unfazed.

Quintuplets 2000:

- Them trying to do gymnastics.

Pee:

- Kyle getting disgusted after hearing Stan talk about how it’s normal for people to pee in pools and in the shower.

Butterballs:

- Kyle calling Stan out in the bathroom, and they have this long ass stare. Kyle knowing that Stan will be jackin it in San Diego.

Bike Parade:

- Stan making Kyle laugh.

Proper Condom Use

- Stan and Kyle playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll and roleplaying.

- “SCREAM FOR ME BITCH!” “AHHHHHHHHH”

- Stan and Kyle in the same car with their cute big heads protruding.

World War Zimmerman:

- Stan and Kyle playing football.

The Scoots:

- Once again, Stan and Kyle playing football.

City on the Edge of Forever:

- Stan saving Kyle in his dream.

- Stan and Kyle sitting a bit closer to each other than usual in Stan’s dream.

Grounded Vindaloop:

- The tetherball date.

- Stan and Kyle saying “fuck you” to Kenny.

Clubhouses:

- Stan reading Bebe’s note, and Kyle being unfazed about it later in the episode. It was never defined whether he was informed the note came from Bebe.

#REHASH:

- Stan and Kyle being called grandpas by the little kids.

Tegridy Farms:

- When one of Ike’s classmates blew smoke in front of Kyle, Stan got extremely defensive about it.

Raising the Bar:

- Stan informing Kyle that it isn’t cool to continue on with “Fatty Doo Doo”.

- Stan checking up on Kyle as he’s sitting alone and listening to him lament about how the bar has sunk so low because of people.

Go Fund Yourself:

- *looking at Kyle’s ass* Boy this is the life huh.

Truth and Advertising:

- Stan and Kyle fist fighting for real, and Tweek and Craig looking at them concerned since they rarely ever fight like this.

Conjoined Fetus Lady:

- Stan preparing to catch Kyle if ever he fails to catch the dodgeball.

Stanley’s Cup:

- THEIR YOUNGER SELVES PLAYING HOCKEY!

ManBearPig:

- Stan’s head on Kyle’s lap. It’s so beautifully rendered.

Board Girls:

- “Wow, you are really into board games.”

A Scause for Applause:

- Kyle confronts Stan about cutting the bracelet by saying Heidi Turner saw him with super glue.

The Death Camp of Tolerance:

- “KYLE! KYLE! YOU HAVE TO KEEP MAKING YOUR MACARONI PICTURES!!”

South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut:

- Stan getting jealous that even Kyle is amazed at Gregory.

Cartman Join NAMBLA:

- Stan and Kyle putting their face against the glass.

Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics:

- Stan and Kyle making fun of Shelly behind her back.

Raisins:

- Kyle coming to visit Stan with the gang after the whole breakup.

- Kyle wanting Stan to be happy again by bringing him to Raisins.

- Kyle being annoyed over Stan being distraught over Wendy. Jealous?

Mr. Jefferson:

- When Stan hears a knock on his window, he assumes it’s Kyle.

- Stan and Kyle being good caretakers of Blanket.

- Stan and Kyle sleeping with Blanket.

#hachichitext #hachichiposts #long post #south park #sp #text #sp style #sp stanky #style #stankyl #kyan #sp kyan #stan x kyle #stanxkyle #stanky #sp stankyl #stankyle #stan marsh #kyle broflovski #hachichishippinglogs #<---- this is the tag i'll use when compiling shipping moments

[themangledsans0508]

Sleepover Surprises

Tweek approached the pale green house cautiously, clinging the straps of his bags tightly. He didn’t know why he agreed to this, he could be doing anything else tonight. Instead, he was sleeping over at Wendy Testaburger’s house, most likely to be pressed about the details of his relationship. At least it wouldn’t be just the two of them, the New Kid (who’s name he still didn’t know) would also be there.

He liked Wendy well enough, along with Douche-bag, he just got rather stressed when it came to sleepovers, and Wendy could convince anyone to divulge their deepest secrets. Douche-bag, on the other hand, preferred to keep to himself, nobody really knew anything about him, but Wendy trusted the two of them to let them sleepover at her house.

He knocked on the door, hoping that no one would answer and he could just go home, or maybe go to Craig’s house. Alas, no such thing happened, and a tall man answered the door.

“Yes?” He recognized the man as Wendy’s father, confirming he was at the right house.

“Wendy invited me over for a sleepover,” he said, twitching slightly.

“She’s upstairs in her room with some other kid.” He motioned him inside. Tweek looked around the house as he made his way up the stairs. He heard laughter and muffled talking and followed it to Wendy’s room. He knocked first to be polite and not walk in on something he didn’t want to see.

“Come in!” Wendy called. Tweek slowly opened the door and inspected the room.

The room was a soft pink, with a yellow rim around the bottom that looked like clouds. There were flower and animal decals all around, and a few posters. The floor had a teal circle rug with a red bean bag chair and an orange lounge chair. There was also a pink desk and the bed had purple blankets on it.

Wendy and Douche-bag sat on the floor, nail polish spread out between them. There were lots of different shades of pink and purple on display, along with other colors that had not been taken out of the basket yet. Wendy’s nails were painted rose pink, and the pair was currently applying lilac polish to Douche-bag's nails.

“Hey, Tweek! Come sit down! We don’t have to paint your nails, but Willow doesn’t have any nail polish at home so we’re doing them now!”

“Willow? That’s your name?” Tweek asked and Willow nodded. “That’s a pretty weird name for a boy.” Wendy scanned him.

“She’s not a boy, Tweek,” she informed him. Tweek blinked a few times.

“Why didn’t you tell us, dude?” Willow shifted uncomfortably. There were some soft words exchanged between Wendy and Willow before she spoke.

“I’ve lost friends because of it. Before I moved here to South Park. Here, I got jumped by rednecks,” she said quietly. 

“That’s one of the reasons I asked you two to a sleepover. Besides just wanting to hang out, because we have to hang out before you can call me ‘girlfriend’ Tweek, you don’t have those privileges yet. But, you’re both LGBT.” Tweek nodded. He’d heard that acronym before, specifically with Mr Mackey and PC Principal. Neither had really explained what it meant, however.

“I’ve heard that before. What does it mean?” Tweek questioned. Wendy looked at him in surprise.

“You’re not really in the gay community much online, are you? And nobody told you either, Jesus. It’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. There’s also a plus, which incorporates the rest of the community. Since we now have two fully out kids and one partially out, plus at least five I can name who are in the closet, plus myself, I think we should have a pride alliance at our school.”

“What’s a pride alliance?”

“A group for LGBT people so they can support each other, participate in activism, and educate people. Because you guys know that a lot of kids in our school, even LGBT kids, make homophobic and trans-phobic jokes or just know nothing about any of it. Tweek, for a lot of kids, you and Craig were the first gay people they’ve ever met. With Mr Garrison gone, Big Gay Al and Mr Slave keeping to themselves, and Ned and Jimbo running a gun shop and just seeming like your average rednecks. Willow, you’re the first transgender person almost everyone in town has met. We need to raise awareness. Willow, you’ve already told me about some things people have said to and about you.”

Tweek looked at Willow, who was looking away from the group and carefully pulling at the rug so she didn’t ruin her nails. She looked embarrassed like she was ashamed that she had been harassed. 

“What was said to you?” Tweek asked gently.

“You know, like, people called me a tranny, called me a ‘thing’, and said I’m not a real girl because I have a dick. Stuff like that, it’s fine,” she said quietly. Tweek would have never guessed that someone who faced a literal eldritch monster could be so shy. 

“It’s not fine, sis. These things aren’t okay. I know some of these people might be your friends, but it’s still not okay.” Wendy placed a hand on her shoulder in a reassuring gesture with a soft smile on her face.

“Tweek, you and I have heard lots of bad things about gay people in our school. A lot from Cartman, but a lot from other people too.” Tweek nodded, he’d heard a lot of things. Probably the only reason nobody went after him was that he was dating Craig Tucker and that they both had gotten into fights and could hold their own. Plus, Craig was a respected person in their school as someone who didn’t take shit.

“Okay, so I think we need a pride alliance, do you guys agree?” Wendy looked to them for a genuine response. Both Willow and Tweek nodded.

“Great! With that out of the way, now we can really just hang out!” Wendy waved her hands excitedly. 

“Tweek, do you want your nails painted?” Wendy asked. Tweek hesitated. He wanted to try it again as himself and not a metro-sexual, but he didn’t want to break the barrier that kept him safe from ridicule.

He decided fuck it if anyone wanted to cause trouble him or Craig could deal with it.

“Sure, why not!” Tweek grinned. Maybe it would help him stop picking at his nails. Wendy started filing through her containers of polish. She and Willow exchanged words that Tweek couldn’t hear due in part to the clinking of glass. Willow looked him over and whispered to Wendy. Wendy paused for a moment and looked up at Tweek.

“We can do any color you want, but we recommend green or blue. Green compliments your usual outfit, while blue highlights your eyes,” Wendy suggested.

Tweek debated the options. He’d rather not do a different color since he didn’t really know much about fashion and things going together, he wanted to understand it first. Green was his favorite color, but blue was Craig’s favorite color. He decided green, he’d do blue next time.

“Green,” he said. Tweek watched Wendy take out different shades of green and Willow inspect them. After about ten rejected shades, Willow showed one to Wendy. Wendy nodded and turned to Tweek.

“What do you think about this shade? It’s pastel.” Tweek looked at the color. It was only a bit darker than some of the other shades and he didn’t know how they had decided on this specific one.

“Whatever you guys think, you’re the experts,” he shrugged. 

“Well then give me your hand, I’m steadier than Willow since she’s new.” Wendy held his wrist tightly so he wouldn’t twitch and mess up her work while Willow watched.

“You said Willow’s new, well how long have you been painting nails, Willow?” he asked. She counted on her fingers.

“About two weeks, since I only started after we stopped playing with that damned stick. And that’s also when my dad let me start using it.” Tweek recognized her tone of voice. It was the same one he used when he talked to Craig about his parents, one of sadness and bitterness. He wanted to show he understood where she was coming from.

“The only reason my parents accepted me was that it would be good for their business, not because I was their son,” Tweek said bitterly. 

“Guys, I hate to break it to you, but your parents are terrible,” Wendy interrupted. Tweek looked at Wendy with a scowl that wasn’t directed at her.

“You have no idea,” he muttered. 

Willow didn’t say anything, instead, she checked her nails to make sure she hadn’t accidentally smudged the lilac. He noticed Wendy debating something in her head and wondered if he should ask her about it. However, Wendy focused on Tweek’s nails again and he figured she had decided not to say anything.

“Wendy,” Tweek said, “that wasn’t the only real reason you invited us here, right?” Wendy shook her head.

“No, I wanted to hang out, and-” she got a mischievous grin on her face, “ask how your boyfriend is.” Tweek laughed.

“I thought that was a reason.”

“Can you blame her? I had to get you two back together.” Willow said.

“There’s that voice of yours!” Wendy wrapped her arm around Willow’s shoulder and squeezed. 

“Well, I really love your relationship, it’s healthy and it’s a good example of how to support your partner through difficult moments. Like Tweek, I don’t know if you’re open about it but I can tell you have anxiety. And as far as I’ve seen, fighting alongside you two in battle and risking our lives together, Craig really does his best to help you stay grounded,” Willow explained, “Also, I want to try and get more comfortable around you, I think you’re a friend of mine.”

“Aww, Willow, you want to be closer friends with Tweek? I’m glad I planned this sleepover,” Wendy grinned. 

“I mean, everything you said is true as long as he doesn’t start being a jerk. Sometimes he gets moody, but we’re working on that. We have a long time to work everything out,” Tweek disclosed. Wendy nodded.

“Yeah, that makes sense. He might be hot but he also is a dick, to like, everyone but you,” Wendy said. Willow nodded in agreement.

“Wait, that’s my boyfriend! He’s hot but he’s mine. Back off, girlfriend,” Tweek joked. Willow laughed.

“It’s true though, both parts. He is pretty attractive but he seemed to at best tolerate his friends, or downright insult them. He treated me and Jimmy the same and made fun of Clyde constantly. But for you, he makes almost every exception. He’s welcome to touch, sweet words, and emotions. From what I’ve heard, he didn’t even feel emotions. However when I went to get help him and when I gave him the couple’s counselling slip, he actually showed something,” Willow explained. Tweek fidgeted with his hair using his free hand, which had yet to be painted.

“I mean, he does help me get a hold of myself pretty often but sometimes he makes it worse but it’s not like he’s trying, it just happens,” Tweek explained, “Wendy, do you remember when President Garrison made all those tweets about me being this person I’m not and making North Korea hate me?” It took Wendy a few moments of visible confusion to process what he had said.

“That week with the distracted driving and suicide awareness things going on?” she clarified. 

“Yeah, but Craig tried to help me by explaining away my feelings, and we got in a fight. It made me so stressed I skipped school, and I felt terrible until he came home after school and-”

“Wait, did you say came home? Like you two live together? That’s so cute!” Wendy said excitedly. Tweek quickly waved his hands like he could dismiss the words.

“No! No, okay, maybe we basically live together, I go to his house all the time because it’s nice there and he comes over to calm me down or help me but we don’t live together!” Tweek rambled, “I’m going to finish my story. So, he came to my house, and he didn’t try to reason away any of my feelings he just listened. It was nice.”

“That’s what a healthy couple would do,” Willow stated.

“They are a healthy couple,” Wendy retorted half-jokingly.

“I know, healthier than half the married couples I’ve seen here.”

“Yeah, and I never got thanked for showing the school Yaoi art, which got you a boyfriend Tweek.” He felt the tips of his ears heat up. Yeah, that’s how they started fake-dating, and then real dating, but it was also incredibly embarrassing for art of him and Craig to be all over the town.

“That was so embarrassing, it forced me to come out! Craig didn’t even acknowledge how he felt back then, he just decided to ignore it because he felt like he’d be rejected by his friends and family and then he was basically forced into a relationship with me and his dad didn’t accept him at first and our relationship was fake at first and-” Tweek started spilling everything out, his breathing becoming irregular as he talked. His fingers tangled in his hair and he tugged lightly before someone else pulled his hand away from his hair and put it on the ground.

“Tweek, it’s okay. Take deep breaths,” Willow guided. Wendy squeezed his palm on the hand she was about finished with the paint on. He focused on their touch and slowly calmed down.

“Thank you,” he eventually managed to whisper.

“You’re welcome. I understand it’s okay,” Willow assured.

“How did you know how to help me?” he asked.

“Before I got prescribed medications, that’s how my best friend would calm me down.”

“You know, it kind of sucks that touch helps me calm down,” Tweek admitted, “Craig isn’t with me twenty-four seven, and most guys aren’t really into touching. They think it’s gay, it’s just not something they do.”

“That’s one thing us girls have over guys. We’re always touching each other because it’s not gay, it’s how we show we love each other. Tweek, as head of the council of girls, I welcome you to be treated as we treat each other. That means comfort touches,” Wendy declared. Tweek blinked a few times.

“There’s a council of girls?”

“Of course, we’re organised, unlike most of the boys. Sisterhood is no joke,” Wendy said.

“Okay, that makes sense. But you’re the head of them?”

“Yes, Willow is my aid because some of the girls are still sceptical of her, which is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. She’s as much a girl as any other member of the council,” Wendy mumbled bitterly. She then let Tweek’s hand go and took his other one. “Don’t fiddle with anything, it’ll ruin the polish. You can move it as soon as I’m done this one. Don’t listen to me and I’ll duct tape your hand so you can’t move it.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Willow, we’ll do your makeup after we’re done Tweek’s nails.”

-

Tweek often had trouble sleeping, in fact, he rarely slept more than an hour at a time. He could only sleep with Craig with him. He was left just staring at the wall, looking at every little detail that the beam on moonlight highlighted. The sound of partying, cars, and the quiet breathing in the room were all he heard.

He turned to face the bed so he could look out the window and found his view partially blocked by a body. Willow was sitting up, staring out the window herself. Her knees were pulled up to her chest. The soft glow of the moon reflected off jer face and highlighted some silent tears that were rolling down her cheek.

“Willow?” he asked quietly. She turned to face him and immediately wiped her eyes.

“Tweek. I thought you were asleep,” she whispered.

“I don’t sleep.”

“Oh.” She slid out of the bed to sit on the floor, looking back to make sure that she hadn’t woken Wendy up. “Maybe you shouldn’t drink all that coffee.”

“No.”

They sat awkwardly, wanting to speak and try to connect to each other and show their understanding of each other. Tweek decided to take the initiative.

“I understand how you feel. About your parents, I mean,” Tweek said.

“No, you don’t,” she spat, “but I appreciate it. Our families are different. You haven’t seen mine. I haven’t seen yours. But I think you’re right. Our families are terrible.” Tweek was taken aback by the venom in her voice. It wasn’t directed at him, but directed at the world.

“I want to understand how people treat you because I think we could be good friends. I just don’t want to say anything wrong. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I understand what it’s like being trans.”

“You’re smart and kind. We’ll talk about it sometime. We are similar, aren’t we.” Tweek grinned slightly

“Yeah, we are.” Willow silently got up and walked towards Tweek, pulling him into a hug. “You’re a good person, Tweek. Craig is lucky to have you. Stay you, no matter what. Stay you.” She got up and returned to the bed, slipping back under the covers. 

Tweek turned back to face the wall. Maybe it would be nice to have another friend, someone to go to when Craig was unavailable or to just hang out with. 

The sleepover wasn’t terrible in the end.

#south park oc #south park new kid #south park tweek #south park tweek tweak #south park wendy #south park wendy testaburger #sp wendy #sp wendy testaburger #sp tweek #sp tweek tweak #sp new kid #sp oc #tweek #tweek tweak #wendy testaburger #new kid south park #new kid oc #Tweek south park #tweek tweak south park #tweek tweak sp #wendy south park #wendy testaburger sp #tweek sp #new kid sp #new kid oc sp #fanfiction #chara writes

[queenofthefaces]

kyle for the character thing!!!!

Buckle up bc I’m extra af and love talking abt characters. Be aware this is like, entirely personal opinion and personal interpretation and also it’s almost 2am so LETS GO

1) sexuality hc: I’ve always really liked bi Kyle ahsjdkfk and tbh I’ve always found the idea of his attraction to other ppl really interesting

The way I characterize him is that he’s someone who’s like, typically very passive with his attraction. He’ll kind of glance at someone and think they’re attractive but he doesn’t necessarily have any strong feelings towards them or desire/drive to want to pursue anything with them. If he does want to pursue them it’s usually out of a sense of obligation or expectation—like a “well I might as well” or “this is what I’m supposed to do” kinda thing

Except Kyle DOES have exceptions—when he finds someone he feels passionately about, someone he’s emotionally and mentally invested in, it’s like 0-100 in terms of difference, bc suddenly he can’t stop thinking abt that person, how much he wants to be with them, etc. and a lot of that characterization, for me, falls in line w the specific ship I have for Kyle (which is obvious if you’ve followed me for a few but I’ll get Into That in the next section)

2) OTP: KYMAN by far my fave Kyle ship and one of my all time fave sp ships overall. I’ve always LOVED rivals/enemies to lovers ships that specifically have 1) characters who are equals 2) characters who are incredibly intimate and close w one another even if (or because of) it’s in the context of the rivalry 3) the characters have either some level of co-dependence or a need for the dynamic or one another in some way bc the relationship is fulfilling to them and bonus if 4) they’re the only ones that really understand each other

And I jus. Love that. Esp w kyman it’s so much fun taking that dynamic, the codependency and obsession, and just. Playing with it, on a storytelling/character analysis level. And then making it healthy, having them work through issues, bc the idea that “we’re both in way too deep with each other, we can either destroy each other or learn to get along” is jus 👌👌👌

And w kyman I love having Eric be Kyle’s exception. Kyle feels basically nothing towards his other s/o’s in contrast to how deeply he feels about Eric, and for Eric to have just as much depth of emotion in return. It’s fascinating and really fun esp when written from a kind of duo-redemptive story—they both start out toxic towards each other, and their relationship is toxic to other people, but they can’t bring themselves to put an end to it so they finally make it to that middle ground and come out as better peoole, together

This applies to a lot of my rivals/enemies to lovers ships but w kyman in particular there’s the added Funkiness of the childhood friends dynamic which is TASTEY like some nice sprinkles to jus add that extra Flavour. I love the concept of Kyle and Eric forming parts of their entire identities around each other from the time they were in diapers and everyone accepts that they’re always gonna he crazy for each other bc no one has the bond they do it’s so much fun

4) brotp: I should think more abt Kyle friendships tbh I don’t give those as much attention ahsjdkfkfk—tho I definitely have a soft spot for the super best friends kyle + Stan, I just have to work some development into it.

I love exploring their friendship as smth that deteriorates bc they grow apart as people, but then they realize they don’t WANT to grow apart and have to work to stay friends bc being friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were 8. It brings this really cool development that confronts Stan’s passivity towards his friends/his nihilism and Kyle’s entitlement and lack of emotional sensitivity and how they both need to make some compromises (but esp Kyle, bc I can see Stan as someone who tries very hard to not get much feedback).

In terms of Kyle being friends w other people I’m thinking it would be pretty situational. I can see Kyle getting some really eye opening perspectives from other ppl if he opens himself up to their views but that requires knocking Kyle down a few pegs lol, it’s fun to have him learn to recognize his own assumptions abt ppl and learning to value them as individuals yanno?

3) notp: honestly? Any other kyle ship. I can personally only see Kyle w Eric ahsjdkfk kyman endgame all the way. For me, a lot of other Kyle ships like, don’t make any sense, a lot in part bc I see Kyle as someone who has a lot of issues w socialization, entitlement, and selfishness along with his UNENDING OBSESSION w Eric Cartman (which also somewhat stems from those issues bc of Kyle’s sense of self identity vis a vis the rivalry)

Like, I can’t see Kyle sitting down and forming a meaningful romantic relationship w anyone else bc like, no one can provide the fulfillment, engagement, drive, and push/pull of Kyle’s relationship w Eric. Kyle would leave at the drop of a hat to confront smth Eric was doing and I don’t think he’d ever compromise with that. And someone who does compromise on that probably isn’t someone Kyle would want to be with in the long run.

I think the only ship I can see would be like, poly m4 bc that draws on pre-existing dynamics and doesn’t break or try to divy up Kyle’s attention. (Even tho like I said I don’t like Kyle w anyone else romantically)

5) 1st hc that pops in my head: my Kyle is autistic as fuck. Characterizing him as autistic gives a lot of insight into how his mind works and why he acts the way he does—a lot of his thought processes are just. What makes the most logical sense to him. It’s just that those trains of thought are on KYLES logic and that’s when he struggles to realize when he’s crossed a line or overstepped a boundary. Or how his brain is usually always “self-centered”—not in a morally negative way, just in that it’s not a natural reflect for him to remember other people.

And a ton of other things as well( including a fun hc of Kyle trying to use his autism as an excuse for being a dick, until Also Autistic Craig steps up like, no dude you’re just an asshole bc you’re not trying to do better). And bc as an autistic person, I really relate hard to Kyle to the point where if he were real I’d probably hate him bc we’d be too similar lmao; I think esp when I was a kid I acted a lot like Kyle—the self righteousness, the bossiness, the belief that my way was the only way that made sense and everyone else was just Wrong, the anger issues, etc.

It’s why I’m tough on Kyle a lot of the time, but it’s also why I love thinking abt his development, bc I know firsthand that he can mellow out, change, become a better, more wellrounded and emotionally aware person, and how he can make an effort into doing so

6) oh shit I didn’t even mean for this but obviously one way I relate to Kyle is the Above autistic hc and how I characterize him. Like I said, I acted a LOT like Kyle when I was a kid, so I know he’s an irritating little shit, but also brilliant and too thoughtful for his own good sometimes.

But another thing: I characterize Kyle as someone who is a natural leader, but hates being in official leadership positions. And this is also smth I’ve kinda written due to personal experience. But also from the way kyles often portrayed in canon—in the games, he’s always a support role, always a healer, ranged fighter, or someone who boosts and buffs allies

I see Kyle as the type of person who can easily take control in, for example, a group project situation, or when he’s hanging out with Stan and they’re only doing what Kyle wants to do bc Kyle comes up with all the ideas and Stan just goes along with them

But I can’t see Kyle as someone who’d want to be, like, student counsel president. (That’s more Wendy’s wheelhouse) Mostly bc there’s too much responsibility that it’s just exhausting, and more than that, those official positions are STIFLING. They run on someone else’s schedule and they’re creatively constructive. You can’t fully do your own thing bc you have to be constantly aware of how the group works and what the group wants. I can’t see Kyle as being happy in that position bc he’d get sick of having to conform his ideas to what other ppl want—he just wants to do his own thing.

So instead, Kyle would be more comfortable in a supporting role. Bc in a position like, for example, secretary or VP, he can still have a lot of influence, power, and knowledge, but he’s free from those restrictions that come from being the face of a group. And he’s also free from the social obligations of being a leader, esp in having to deal w other groups in like a business sort of way. AND if the group falls, Kyle won’t take as much of the blame, bc it’s probably not his fault anyways so why should everyone point fingers at him. It’s much less pressure.

(And it’s also kinda inspired by his role in the CBAA??—Cartman’s perfect in the CEO/face of the company position bc Cartman is comfortable with and relishes in the attention and social aspect of being the face/leader of a company, and Kyle can reap all the benefits of being a part of that company, including being an integral pillar of the company, w/o the deficits. If Eric and Kyle ran a company they’d work together, sure, but Eric would crumble without Kyle’s support, and Kyle would hate the stifling pressure of the head position, which makes them a perfect pair.)

(And again this is based on personal experience—I’m a natural leader. People listen to me, I can organize groups, and I’m a good mediator, but I hate when it becomes Official bc I can’t just. Do my own thing as I want to and it’s far too much to keep track of and most of it doesn’t interest me. It always irritated me when my parents tried to push me into like running for student president bc I just kept thinking abt all the work I’d have to do that I wouldn’t care abt)

7) what gives me secondhand embarrassment about Kyle? Well. Just......how much he reminds me of when I was a stupid kid. He’s such a little shit oh my god Kyle shut the fuck up YOURE NOT GHANDI. When Kyle’s being entitled and stuck up, when he thinks he’s better than other ppl, and when his own big mouth and pride are what fucks him over I’m just oh my god. Oh my GODDDDDD SHUT UPPPPP.

Mostly it’s secondhand embarrassment bc I’m jus oh my god ur an idiot—but again bc I know he has the ability to grow out of that and look back on himself with a grimace at how dumb he was ahsjdkfkfk

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely the latter, I love Kyle and I love when he’s happy and contented but him as a cinnamon roll kinda character feels so flat to me. I love him as a problematic fave he’s so much fun as a disaster. He’s complex—he’s tough and caring and angry and compassionate and an absolute fireball of EMOTIONS but he tries to act like he’s a logical rational person and I jus? He’s so much more fun and dynamic when he’s allowed to be messy

(Of course this is long why wouldn’t it be AHSJDKDKKFKGLGLH)

#long post #kyman #south park #kyle broflovski #fl5k #creo talks

[crushedbyhyperbole]

Beyond Broken - Chapter Three

A/N:  The closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm. - is a quote from LOTR-Two Towers (Peregrine Took).  Re. Playstation - I know the max PSN ID is 16 characters and ThorsMightyHammer is more but I give zero fucks on this one… I do what I want!  (spoken in Cartman’s voice).  Also… Mild Endgame Spoilers contained within.

Warnings:  Angst and dark thoughts, loneliness, people are hurting.

Caught up on earlier chapters?  If not, check out my Thor Odinson Mobile Masterlist

Hurricane Thor

“What are you doing here?” Thor grumbled from the sofa.  He’d heard the assassin pick the lock and enter but until she was in striking distance he chose to ignore her in favour of online gaming.

“Heard about a perpetual storm wreaking havoc along the coast in New London.  It’s got meteorologists baffled.  We figured it was you.”  She stepped into view, wearing casual attire; jeans and a fitted pea-coat.  At least she wasn’t there to kill him.  “Who moves to Connecticut anyway?”

“I’ll have you know I like it here.  It’s very, ahhh, wholesome.”  He was thumbing the PS4 controller like crazy.

Her reply was an eye roll.

He cursed heavily at the TV. Death by a pre-pubescent internet demon-troll wasn’t good for his mood.  He hated losing.

“Why are you here, Romanoff?”  He threw game controller down against the cushions and stood to his full height. “Surely you could have simply called.”

“Would have, but someone smashed his phone the last time we visited.”  She held out a new communicator with a sassy flick of her wrist. “Talk to Steve, we need you back.”

“I don’t want to be back.”  He grumbled, growing more ill-tempered.  “We lost. Thanos won.  What else is there to say?”

“Tony is out of rehabilitation.”  She begged with her eyes.  “At least come and see him now that he’s back in the lab and back to his philandering ways.”

“Oh that is good to hear.  I always liked it when Banner would throw out his secret stash of candy.” Thor smiled weakly, pulling a beer from the fridge.  “Want one?”

“Only if I’m celebrating a victory here.”  She smirked. “Does that mean you’ll come?”

Thor grinned.  He had missed the camaraderie between them all but they were also a constant reminder of his own failure.  He’d had a chance to put a stop to Thanos and had failed spectacularly.  Half of all life had been wiped out and there was nothing he could do.  Even their second chance had come too late; locating his sanctuary, finding the planet defenceless, facing the mad titan himself only to find the stones gone.

“I used the stones to destroy the stones.”  That purple monstrosity had said.  

Thanos was so sure of his inevitability that he didn’t even put up a fight when Thor hacked off his head with Stormbreaker.  There was no satisfaction in the act, only a solitary step out over the precipice to oblivion.

Thor’s grin was gone.

“No.”  He rumbled so deeply it was almost a growl.

Thor chugged the bottle, feeling himself get sucked down under a tide of self-loathing.  No amount of weak Midgardian ale could numb his pain.

“At least take the phone.” She softened her gaze.  “We’re here if you need us.”

“Very well.”  He huffed.

She was gone without another word.  Closing the door behind her as she left.  Thor knew she’d be back at some point, and if not her then maybe Stark.  Once they found him they never stopped coming.  

Thor had grown to like this town.  He’d been here two months.  He liked the sea and the solitude.  Not many people in this town recognised him.  He was free from attention, blame, and harassment.  It was the closest to peaceful he could get.

Right back after the snap, he’d found a place with his people in a little fishing village in the remote north of a country called Scotland. The whole village had been wiped out on D-Day. He took the village and renamed it New Asgard. But even there, amongst his people, he found no peace, only guilt.  They’d quickly found him there, The Avengers, asking him to return to the fight, so he had left New Asgard and went anywhere he thought no one would know him.

The closer you are to danger, the further you are from harm. He’d read that somewhere, wasn’t sure where exactly, but he’d decided that New London was just close enough to up state New York to put him under The Avenger’s Radar.  These two months had been the longest he’d gone without them finding him.  He cursed his storm inducing mood swings.  Maybe he should have moved into Stark’s basement and brooded there instead.

Last night had been the first night in weeks that it hadn’t rained.  He had been all set to let his mood bring more thunder but something had changed.

The girl.  He thought.

She’d been a delicate looking thing, sleek and slender, with radiant skin and dark hair.

Fragile.  That’s how he’d seen her the first few nights she’d passed him at his brooding spot. But there was a strength in her. She fought a great sorrow.  He could tell, even without his bionic eye.

Thoughts of her drew his mind to the man she was with.  The one who left her alone and out in the cold waiting for him.  There was something unsavoury about that man.  Thor didn’t much care for him but a woman’s choice in partner was none of his business.  It must be his ring she wore on her finger.

Flopping down on the sofa again he turned his attention back to his Playstation.

“Right then, Noobmaster69, it’s time to meet your doom at the hands of ThorsMightyHammer!”  It was a battle cry suitable only for a middle-aged nerd’s soundproofed basement, but he gave it with gusto regardless. Controller in hand, he set about the thrashing of one anonymous online gamer.

 The gym at Ocean Beach Park was open all night.  He’d been in there a few times when it was quiet.  Early in the morning or late at night was better.  He had basic weights there in the apartment but no treadmill, cross trainer or anything he could use to really punish himself.

No matter how much he distracted himself from it, the thought of the girl and her yapping dog wouldn’t leave his mind.  There was something about her that he was drawn to, some innate quality she was possessed of that he sensed, and liked.  

He told himself that he was going to the gym but instead he pounded the pathways of the park itself in a rhythmic and sweaty search for any sign of her.

She hadn’t been at the twelfth marker, nor anywhere along the promenade.  He checked, running its whole length, twice.  There were dog walkers still exercising their companions but none were her, and none of the dogs even looked similar to her little white and tan pup with the huge fluffy ears.  He didn’t see her gentleman friend either.

Perhaps she had been scared off.  Perhaps.

By the time midnight came around, he was dripping with sweat and extremely hungry.  A jumbo pizza and some buffalo wings were just what he craved. Eating hastily on the walk home, he noticed the little café across from the park.  The logo on the shutter triggered a memory of slender fingers grasping a paper cup with the same design.  Smiling through a mouthful of pizza he carried on his journey home feeling peppy. He felt energised, contently full of greasy food and had another point of reference for his mystery woman.

There’s always tomorrow.  He thought.

#Thor #thor odinson #thor fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #thor x ofc #kindred spirits #stalker thor #beyond broken #my writing #I write fanfcition #survivors guilt #post infinity war #avengers #pre endgame #thor fanfic #cloudy's writing

[foxxygold-blog]

South Park High School Jokester

                                                       Chapter ~ 2

               Deciding to take up on the boys offer to show you around town, you sent a quick text to your mother saying you were going to be out later than planned. She sent you a quick text back, usual ‘k’ with a little heart emoji. Smiling softly, you left the message on read before hitting the power button to lock your phone before shoving it in your pocket and rejoining in the conversation and walk with the boys.

               “To be honest, most of the town is shit. However, the people in it make the place, a little less shitty? I don’t know how to explain that any better,” Stan muttered. He rubbed the back of his neck before giving a nervous chuckle.

               “Fuck the town, let’s talk about you. You just moved here the other day and scared the shit outta Butters and his parents and creeped us out today. Is that something you do often?” Kenny questioned, looking at you with what could only assume was some kind of smile underneath his winter clothes.

               “Well, here’s the thing. Warning, I’m probably about to overshare because I don’t know how to just stop talking about my personal life, ya know? Okay so like, I don’t know. My first thought was, let’s make a great first impression! And then my mind switched to, lets fuck with them if they like mom enough then surely they’d come back. I don’t know, it’s a thing my anxiety does is it’s like, don’t do this thing, they’ll hate you for it, but then my meds are like ‘who fucking cares do it anyway and make a GREAT TIME out of it’ because we only live once you know? Oh, I think I over shared again,” you paused. You could practically feel the cold sweat beginning to form on your back, what if they cared about you having anxiety and thought you were weird.

               “Oh okay, that’s cool. Well, if you need anyone to talk to you with your anxiety that is, Stan and I would probably be the best to come too,” Kyle smiled. You sighed, managing to relax and nodded your head, thankful they’d be willing to hear you out if you actually had a problem.

               “So yeah, I just thought, what could be the best way to scare the shit out of almost everyone, and by almost I mean Butters and his family for a fact, and my mother a little. She mostly gets mad. I was like yes, the squid hat for a fact, and my prop bongs. I’m not actually a drug user, you know, save form the average users over the counter prescription meds, but I don’t do heroin, meth, weed, or anything along those lines. I’m a good child of the lord,” you laughed, “so I set up my speakers as quick and started playing some anime opening that had become a meme in recent years and played the ear rape version, it felt like the whole house had an orgasm. You should know Kenny, the one that has people looking like they’re having a seizure.”

               Kenny sent you a finger gun with a nod of his head, indicating he knew exactly what you were talking about. As the entire group of you walked around the neighborhood and you were introduced to most of the boy’s families, it wasn’t long until a group of girls ran up to the group. You couldn’t help but feel nervous; wow all those girls were pretty. You watched them all talking to almost all the boys save for Cartman before the black haired girl in purple looked at your and smirked at Stan.

               “New lover already?” You felt confused, before laughing.

               “No, I mean. No offense Stan, good looking guy, sure anyone would suck your dick,” you patted his shoulder as his face turned red, “but I’m the new kid in town. I apparently scared the innocent boy named Butters when he and his family came over the other day and all these lovely people came over to see if he was lying. Jokes on them, he wasn’t. I’m kinda weird, just gonna say that now so you can bully me to my face, and not behind my back.”

               The girl looked confused before smiling nervously.

               “Dear, all of South Park is weird. You’re probably gonna fit in, and I doubt any of me or my girls will bully you. How come you didn’t tell me about the new kid? You’re practically smothering them, why not have girl time with us,” the black haired girl held out her hand.

               “Wendy, we invited and ran into them first.”

               “Yeah, but we got too them second, and second has always been the best since elementary school,” the blondie beside Wendy spoke up.

               “Fine, we’ll just do some introductions now and some later. Tomorrow is the last day of break, so Token is having a party at his place. Everyone who is here right now is me, Wendy Testaburger, the blonde girl next to me is Bebe Stevens, the brunette is Heide Turner, and there’s plenty of later we’ll introduce you too once school starts. Or,” she dragged on. She slowly turned to look at Stan before he cursed silently to himself.

               “Wendy, we got told we couldn’t come over due to what happened at last times party.”

               “Well, maybe new kid can be your way in,” Bebe questioned.

               “I have a name and it’s (y/n) thank you.” You interjected with a small raise of your hand, not exactly enjoying being called the new kid.

               “Shit, you may be onto something,” Cartman declared while smacking one fist into his other open palm.

               “What the hell are you talking about Fatass?” Kyle sighed, rubbing his forehead in irritation as if a headache was about to form.

               “We take (y/n) over to Tokens place; use them as our slave to get in. Make it a bargain. We’ll give you someone to help you do work tomorrow if you let us come party at your place.”

               “That seems a bit harsh to use (y/n) as a pawn in a skeem when they haven’t even been here for more than a week!”

               “Actually,” you spoke, kicking at the floor, “I wouldn’t mind, it means I don’t have to touch my room and I’ll get to see new people.”

               Everyone looked at you a bit surprised, Kyle almost looked at you with pleading eyes as if to say you shouldn’t even open your mouth and agreed to his stupid plan. Cartman shouted happily in joy and declared to the girls who had run into them that they’d all be at the party. You sent your mom a quick text, letting her know your plans for tomorrow. You explained to her in simple text format that you were going to help new friends set up a party, which wasn’t exactly a lie, or the total truth of your situation! So things should surely work out.

               The girls parted on their way only after making sure you would take part in the party yourself, have some drinks and dance with them and meet more of their gal pals. Butters, wanting no part in the current plan, though promised to be at the party, departed on his way home with the excuse of last-minute winter break homework. The other four pulled you off and dragged you toward Kyles house and into his large car. You screeched as you went running, crying “GUN” before running, causing some of the boys to freeze and even drop to the floor. You smirked as you easily hopped into the shotgun seat and stick out your tongue.

               “Shotgun that is,” you hummed. Stan, Kenny, and Cartman all glared at you while you just smiled happily like a little kid who had not done a single thing wrong. Kyle just chuckled to himself before hopping into the driver’s seat and starting up his car. Kenny and Stan decided to sit together in the back while allowing Cartman all the space in the middle by himself. After everyone was buckled in, Cartman got dangerously close as he leaned in glaring at the side of your face.

               “Alright listen here, new kid---.”

               “It’s (y/n), Cartman,”

               “Yeah, whatever new kid--.”  You groaned loudly before Cartman spoke up again.

               “We get to Tokens lavish house, and you’re going to play the broken and depressed damsel, or knight, your choice.”

               “Broken and depressed, got it, already got that down since I was born,” you joked.

               The boys looked at you worried save for Cartman before you panicked.

               “Kidding, I’M KIDDING!”

               “No matter what bargain he gives us, you counter back with, you won’t do anything unless he lets US in tomorrow night. Got it, new kid?”

               “(y/n),” you corrected.

               “GOT IT?!” Cartman yelled at you, causing you to flinch and Kyle to swerve a bit on the road as he was driving.

               “I fucking got it, jeez, you’re gonna make Kyle crash,” you cried. Cartman sat down with a smug smile on his face. You sighed softly rubbing your arm before trying to melt into the seat and disappear. You sat in silence for the rest of the ride, watching houses pass by in a colorful blur just outside of the window. The car was pretty clean saving for a wrapper from some fast food joint and some straw wrappers. You began to pick at your nails a bit while thinking before feeling the comforting vibration of the car stop beneath your body and you re-registered your eyes to notice the big, nicely gated house. Oh, so he was a rich boy. Maybe you could push some certain buttons if you needed too.

               “Alright, we’re here, let's hope we don’t get banned and put on restraining orders,” Kyle grumbled. Undoing your seatbelt, you carefully popped open the door and hopped out, taking in the fancy black gate and watching where it connected to a cement fence that couldn’t be too easily climbed. You followed the boys up to an intercom system that must connect to the house. Kenny quietly pressed the doorbell button twice and everyone stood to wait for an answer.

               “Hello, who is this?” Came the voice form the small speaker just beside the doorbell button.

               “Heyyy, Token,” Stan spoke nervously after pushing down the talk button.

               “You aren’t invited nor are you being let in tomorrow night! Not you Stan, and none of your other three friends,” Token barked loudly.

               You quietly shoved Stan aside softly and pushed down on the button that was titled speak just below it and felt nervousness creep up on you.

               “Um, h-hello?” Damn you, you stuttering devil!

               “Who is this..? You don’t sound like any of the others if this is you guys pulling a voice prank I’ll get you arrested!”

               “No! Oh, god no, none of them have the voices to even sound close to mine, I’m too flawless,” you joked nervously, “I’m (y/n), the new kid who just moved in. I don’t know these guys that well, but they seem like nice people, could you let them go to your party tomorrow?”

               “Oh, you don’t know the half of our history. Besides, the last party they trashed my house, I was grounded for weeks,” Token scoffed. You glared slightly at the boys who all looked guilty but Cartman.

               “Look, how about we break a deal between us. I’ll, I don’t know, run errands with or for you for your party and you let them come? I’ll pay for anything they break if you let them in too and I’ll take all the blame.”

               There was silence on the other end for a long time. You felt dread crawl across your skin, had you just ruined their chances? You let go of the speak button and felt sorry for the boys, about to turn and apologize till you finally got a response.

               “Fine, but anything they break tomorrow you pay what it cost and a tax my family deems appropriate, got it?”

               The boys cheered happily, all of them focusing on the fact that they were allowed into the party tomorrow night before you felt dead on the inside. If they broke anything expensive tomorrow night? You were honestly going to kill all of them. You reached out to the button with a smile, forcing yourself to sound happy for your new friends.

               “Deal, what time you want me over here tomorrow? Come over about two or three in the afternoon, the party is at seven. Oh, and it’s just you coming tomorrow, don’t bring any of those losers with you.”

               “Fair,” you stated. The boys yelled in anger and disagreement before you glared at them and put a finger to your mouth, signaling them to shut up.

#south park #South park reader insert #readerinsert #fanfiction #Stan Marsh #Eric Cartman #Token Black #Kenny McCormick #kyle brovlofski #Wendy Testaburger #Bebe Stevens #Heidi Turner

[south-park-meta]

basorexia w/style mayhaps 😳

Basorexia: the urge to kiss

When Stan looks at Kyle he thinks the only thing in the world he can do is kiss him.

That's not true, of course. He usually finds the other things he can do. Like excusing himself to go home. Or like bending over to tie his shoe that's already tied just fine. But still, since they started middle school, he thinks he should grab Kyle and kiss him.

He does it once, when they're fourteen. Well, twice, technically. They're playing together, half-wrestling and half-tickling each other. It's funny that they do it at all. Stan has aged out of games like that, for the most part. Kyle, Stan thinks, wouldn't have minded doing those things sometimes if the world were different, nicer, but he'd started getting funny about the games that he could physically lose that way years ago. The sorts that could end with him held down and spit on, or farted on, or end up with an ass in his face.

It hadn't been intentional.

It's just incidental, his fingers finding Kyle's ribs and then Kyle's finding his in turn, and it devolves. Stan caves to playing because it's Kyle. Kyle had probably caved to playing it that one time because Stan wasn't Cartman; even when they hadn't been friends, Stan hadn't wanted to hold him down and humiliate him. Stan doesn't hold him down at all. They're still moving when it happens. They just move together, and he'd looks at Kyle's laughing face, his own eyes squinty and tear-filled with giggling. He doesn't think 'I want to kiss him', exactly. He just feels the pull to do it, magnetized, and he does. Such as it is, because he's still laughing himself until neither of them are, their noise cut short as they both realize what happened. They pull back and look at each other, and he licks his lips and does it again, no laughing at all this time.

Kyle kisses him back, hand in his hair. Then they part, and they look at each other with the realization their entire world could change. It's exciting, it's wonderful, it's--

"Stan, you're not doing this to me," Kyle says, fierce but voice tight. Kyle holds onto his shirt, but it's not like in those movies where one guy does it because he wants to punch another. Stan's not scared he's fucked it all up. Not really. Kyle's holding him there to keep him put while turning him down.

"Doing what?"

"We're finally normal again."

They'd never been normal. Not as best friends, not was distant friends, not as no-friends at all. But he knows Kyle's saying he couldn't lose their friendship again, that something more wasn't worth the gamble, even if he doesn't say it with those words. Stan's willing to gamble. He's willing to stake himself on it. But it's not wrong, exactly. It had taken them almost six months to be friends again, another six to feel like best friends again, like Kyle's home was his home, too, a place he could sleep and still feel like his zip code's what it's meant to be. It's taken him almost four years, altogether, to start to feel happy again on his own without any crutch, and he knows it was only then that Kyle started walking with normal footsteps instead of those of someone avoiding eggshells. "Okay," Stan says. "We're normal."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Kyle lets his shirt go. They stay standing there for a minute, Stan trying to look in Kyle's eyes but Kyle's staring him straight in the mouth, noses almost touching and breathing each other's breath, making it all impossible.

"Let's watch a movie," Stan suggests, and they do. They pretend it had never happened.

It doesn't change anything on Stan's end.

He wants to kiss Kyle just as much as he had before.

On the plus side, the knowing what it's like doesn't make him want it more. But that's because he'd already reached his limit. He wants it as much as he could want anything. But he knows what it's like to want, what it's like to need something that would ruin him. It sits there itching the back of his brain like all the other things that are better for him not to get involved in.

He thinks about it for years in ebbs and flows, constant but only sometimes strong.

He knows that Kyle thinks about it, too. He knows that Kyle wants to kiss him, too. Every single time he catches Kyle's eyes scanning his face. Every time Kyle accidentally touches his hand and his breath hitches. Kyle's never had much of a poker face, though it helps that Stan's known his tells since they were four years old. If he asks if Kyle wants to kiss him, he knows he'd get a 'yes', even if Kyle wants it to be a 'no'. It's kind of funny and kind of annoying, that Kyle would rather they both torture themselves this way than maybe torture themselves by breaking up in the future. But he gets how this could fuck things up, so for a long while he doesn't ask. The only times they stop talking to each other nowadays are when one or the other takes a shot at dating. They have fights that are weird and veiled and end up with a week of silence. They make up without talking about any of it. Their friendship is great and not something either of them wants to lose.

Then it's the summer before college.

Their lives are going to change, anyway. It seems more and more pointless to try and stop it.

"I want to stop being normal," Stan says.

He thought Kyle would get that, like, a romantic callback, since Stan's been thinking of that conversation off and on for years. But Kyle stares at him. "You don't have to stop. You're already not normal," he says.

Which is a little maddening, because maybe it means that argument would've worked a long time ago. But whatever.

"Kyle, I want to kiss you," Stan says. He doesn't just do it, because even though he's sure Kyle wants him to, he's also thinks Kyle might say he can't just kiss him without asking; they aren't kids anymore, and they aren't even dating. He's sure it would just be to deflect, but he doesn't want to risk the deflection. "You want to kiss me, don't you?"

"Of course I do." He sounds frustrated. "But what if we break up, Stan? What if we regret this?" It says something, that kissing means dating, to Kyle. But he's not assuming anything more than what Stan wants, too.

Stan can't guarantee the not breaking up. They got over their jealousies enough to be friends even when it was hard, eventually, but they're both emotional and stubborn and are too scared of losing each other to say the things that need to be said sometimes. "I've never regretted you, not once." They're close now, foreheads touching, without Stan knowing which one of them had moved. Maybe both of them had. Those months spent not talking, he'd regretted wasting his time on plenty of things. Kyle had never been a waste. "But I would regret it if we both left town, without--"

Kyle kisses him this time and that itch, unreachable for all but one day in years, is scratched.

#long post #not meta #sp style