#← changed my mind this can stay up now

[ch1zzie]

The original in the bottom

Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny

#thats not my neighbor #milk man #just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates #monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school #(online school) #my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT #also little welcome home update #im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me #also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭) #the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit #only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭 #also! im making easter art #yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!! #why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing #it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful! #im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to #high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not) #maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me... #also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh #ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me #imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope) #even if its little dumb posts #by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES” #just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded #hehe didded

[rainingalmonds]

Have my shitposts of Mind and Soul :]

Og images!!

#I kinda changed my designs of them #i like them more now #Later you can get a shitpost Heart once i go to sleep #i stayed up all night #good night #chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cccc #cj mind #cj soul

[puppyeared]

Jitterbug

#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it #and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago #bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o) #well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall #im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot #i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing???? #i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T #because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks #at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better #its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh #in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats #mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year #i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o) #THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o( #yapping #my art #myart #doodles #personal #diary

[sunshades]

Also a thing that's relevant is in the canto even when they meet face to face Catherine is never actually able to speak back like she physically can't, she must reply through her diary and play out a memory in response, because she's already in a state that's more dead than alive. Then all those convos really take more of a vibe of well. They're farewells. Of course Heathcliff never chooses to spend those moments chastising her for her evil lab or something! Their time is running out. Bringing that up wouldn't go anywhere, she's already seeing the consequences, and he's already seeing what the thought process behind it was, because he can tell it would've been the same for him, and in fact he drops this right before the thunder actually shows him the flashback in the coffin.

Now that he's back, the manor is Catherine's shame. Her diary is the only way that's left to reach for him, tell the story of the choice she's made, and it... does resonate with him.

Which! The erlking has already taunted him about before, responding to his claim that causing more death in this already ruined place isn't the way to go.

But he does in fact still make his own choice! Which is the heart of it! Why does he want her back? Well! All the way to the end the erlking and Catherine both think the only way to reach redemption is death, as annihilation. And Heathcliff definitely can relate. But by the end he still knows the only way to fix what you've broken is to keep on living and work with what you've got.

And in this scene Catherine is unable to reply, but what she does is try to do a little fix of her own- they're in the memory where her words made him believe she never loved him, so she opens the door to a moment where she was as clear as she was able to, to amend for what she's said. Small steps, but they're taking them nonetheless. Which is also why it's important to recognize hashtag wh of a certain future is actually the two of them and not anybody else:

Through the ghosts, which the whole time have been a dangerous presence that's aware of the workings of the #narrative, we actually get proof of what Heathcliff's belief was that made him able to defy that fate, which is that it's never too late to make a change, become a better person for yourself and the people that love you. Of course he wants her alive again. He's survived the abuse at the manor and started his way to become a person he can be proud of, of course he'd want that for her as well.

#bell.txt #which warps back into 'why i dont think it wouldve made sense/improved the story to have an OOOH SHES FUCKED UP!' moment #like YEAH BRO ITS THE CITY EVERYBODY IS FUCKED UP. but the story says: take the next step now #canto vi #limbus company #ok im off to work... how fast can i reread the entire aeneid? stay tuned #changed my mind actually im putting this in the tag #cuz i was thinking abt it and i dont actually think he looks past what shes done? hes just more busy figuring stuff out about himself #but as the story is about giving urself another chance then well. obviously that extends to her #he explicitly extended it to nelly who put things into motion in the first place and even to linton and hindley so its. argh. hes just nice

[grumpy-nyks]

The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Davor edition

I-I think Ms. Verner doesn't like him...😳

Davor "Dove" Kovač 🐝 RO: Becca Warrick

Personality: cautious // aloof // pessimistic // flirtatious (only towards Becca ...and Reese??) Traits: head // independent // resistance // believer Past affinity: math Primary ability: extrasensory awareness Past susceptibility: forward. 'it’s better to push forward. don’t look back on the past when you have new places to be and things to achieve.' <<< his motto

🕊️ Fernweh: Davor lived a happy life there and didn't think about leaving in the future. Maybe for some trips, but he knew it would always be his place, his safe place... 'It was a mistake to come back here.' - that was his first thought when he tried to fall asleep on the first night in Fernweh. The nightmares came back as he thought they would. He wants to leave as soon as possible because he feels that it is not safe for Becca to be here.

🕊️ Gramps Dan: That was his gramps who taught Davor how to play the guitar. As a young child, Davor always admired him and believed he was the most intelligent person in the world. After the death of his parents and how his grandfather treated him, he was devastated and angry. He wanted answers soo badly but didn't get any. He lived loathing his grandfather ever since. The news of his passing stirred up a lot of negative emotions that Davor had previously managed to suppress. At the beginning of the story he couldn't care less about his grandfather, but because of his journal he started to believe him. Things that his granfather lived through made Davor even more angry at this messy town …but he's willing to forgive his gramps…

🐝 Becca Warrick: It was a ...funny story that brought both of them together and they look after each other ever since. He considers Becca as his precious (not in a negative-possessive way) treasure, he literally can't let anything bad happen to her. That was also she who came up with the nickname 'Dove'... (and she's literally the only person who calls him that, others wouldn't dare...). He had feelings for her for quite some time but didn't act on it... until now. Although he didn't express it, he felt very nervous about Becca being in the town where he grew up. He was curious (but also scared) about what she could think of this town. He felt like he was revealing more of himself to her…. and he forgot about any worries pretty fast, because the town started being weird as fu--.

🕊️ Reese Verner: Back then Davor was quite cheerful and enjoyed competing with Reese regularly. They teased each other a lot. Davor always thought that Reese had a crush on him, was it true tho? donut know, but he certainly had. ...why does he appear in his nightmares? Maybe the crush stage never disappeared...? Seeing him again was a nice experience, sure... but ignoring the circumstances, he is still unsure if it was worth it and is struggling with his thoughts… Would it be worth it to return to Fernweh just to see him... again? welp, good thing he doesn't have to think about it much, am I right?

🕊️ Sofia Dorran: The two of them maybe did not have a strong relationship, but he knew Sofia is the ideal person for engaging in intelligent conversations. He enjoyed spending time with her, solving the puzzles that gramps created for them both. Davor wasn't a fan of fantasy books, but she managed to change his mind about them. Davor knows that Sofia did take good care of his grandfather, but he still doesn't quite know if he's grateful for that or wished she spent her time more... valuably... He was tempted to ask Sofia to borrow that book she found in his grandfather's bedroom, but he thought better of it. It's better to leave Fernweh… Even so, his curiosity wasn't properly fed.

🕊️ James Corvin: Maybe not brothers by blood, but definitely brothers by choice. Davor treated him as if he was the brother he always wanted to have. Back then Davor always placed a high value on his family… until now. At the time, Davor tended to be more impulsive and James was usually the one who kept him from getting into trouble (which often involved Reese). It was really hard, for both of them, to see each other after so long. Their first interaction was pretty awkward... I would even say that most of their interactions were . James noticed how Davor changed the question is: for the better or worse? I don't even know. Everyone can sense, that things around them are different now, and they aren't as close as before. Will it change?

🕊️ Alek Corvin: …To say that Alek wasn't a fan of Davor would be an understatement. Was it because James spent most of his time focusing only on Davor trying to get him out of trouble? Did Alek observe any possessiveness from Davor towards James? Or maybe simply because of the bond between those two, which was truly something that others would envy and desire? Davor never considered it, especially when he left Fernweh permanently. :)) As you can imagine, Alek doesn't seem very happy about Davor's return… But he took an interest in his new friend, Becca, which did not go unnoticed by Davor and he isn't really happy about it.

🕊️ The Waitress: Oh boy, it seems that Davor has taken up a new hobby, which is glaring harshly at the waitress. He finds her mistrustful and he smells trouble. Had they met when he was younger, there may have been a slim chance of them getting along.

🕊️ Waffles!: So um… Davor has a little issue with dogs and because of that his relationship with Waffles isn't as wonderful as I wish it would be... However, I believe that with time and help from Becca, they will eventually become friends.

#actually about his scar i have this whole headcanon... featuring some...umm.. doggos and Becca... 👀 especially how they met #(Davor was always team cats but after that incident even more xD) #also ouch that naming scene it hurt me so much! but i get it ;; aaaa! Davor why are you being so problematic Waffles is wonderful!!! #it was really interesting for me to messing with Davor in nightmares and showing him Reese!! the feelings the emotions aaaa #also yeeaah Davor thought several times if it would be a good idea to come back to Re-- *cough* Fernweh... and then Becca happened... #generally speaking Davor has a keen interest in Slavic mythologies and culture particularly those from western and southern regions of- #-Europe. I imagine that his father has roots in these regions and he took great pride in his heritage. Often taking about it to Davor #...and since Sofia's a smart girl she lent Davor a fantasy book written by Slavic author who took a great inspiration from Slavic myths👼😊 #yes it was enough to change Davor's mind about fantasy books XD he never really read one before he just assumed it's BORING! #and now I'm sure he will throw questions at Sofia about this book she found even more since he's staying at Fernweh... I can imagine how- #-they both are staying up late studying it and comparing their notes... it would remind Davor about the time they were kids- #-it seems that his Gramps gave them both the last puzzle to solve... will they succeed? #and ooohh that will be a hard time for James and Davor... that rejection at the end of book one wont help them im sure XD #about Davor's 'possesivenes' over James... Davor was needy that's true but he would never think about 'stealing' James from Alek or- #-'claiming' James belongs to him. I hope im not crossing a line here but in my headcanon Alek was TOTALLY jealous over their friendship #and Alek THOUGHT that Davor was receiving more attention from James 👀 #//which obv isn't true because James would never allow it. Alek is always a number one in James' heart// #in mine too I love A!!!! 💖 they're a BABY #but i must say that Davor didn't really think about Alek's feelings back then. he wasn't aware how Alek could feel- that's not an excuse #super curious about book two and how his relationships with every single one of them will develop!!! #fernweh saga #oc: davor kovac #no i totally did NOT change his surname..

[francesderwent]

you know, for years I’ve either been primarily occupied with some past knot that I was trying to mentally unravel into what-might-have-beens and closure or with some imaginary future that I was painting in my head based on illusory signs. but lately I’ve been pretty securely ensconced in the present moment. occasionally I indulge in gazing back to look for the invisible string or peering around the corner to wonder what might be coming next, but mostly I’m just thinking about the now, and how happy I am in it. what’s on my mind is going for little walks, and washing the dishes while someone else dries.

#in which cate tells stories #and the thing is I didn’t know I COULD stay in the present moment!! I didn’t know I was capable! #I was horribly worried that something was broken in my mind!!! #when I said I will not give into my delusional daydreams that was me clinging by my fingernails because I didn’t know how to NOT #but it ended up being so easy???? #I don’t know why and I don’t know how!!! #because it was something I struggled with for ages and ages but maybe what had to change wasn’t me but my circumstances #which. thanks I hate it. if you told that to past me she would punch you out. #but healing and happiness wasn’t something I could create for myself or practice. it was something I had to be given #which is so monstrously unfair for the years I was unhappy and unhealed!!! #feels like there LITERALLY wasn’t enough happiness in my life for me to hold on to I HAD to escape in one way or another #and now that my life has changed I don’t have to flee from reality like that #I don’t HAVE to be a I Wish You Would Elvis Song girlie anymore #the past is past! there it was there it goes! #now all I can do is be GRATEFUL #for something I didn’t anticipate didn’t create didn’t mastermind control #I have no practice at this!!! #but I’m not somehow unprepared for it #i will still not be elaborating at this time #ANYWAY ignore me

[buttercupart]

why doesn't chara & asriel live with toriel at all?

everyone's gone on without you

#ok now to actually explain it and not just post no context imgs #it was a while from the time monsterkind was freed to when asriel and chara came back/came to the surface #and in that time life had continued going on without them. as it had the same way when they died #im thinking it was anywhere around a year before frisk in their infrequent trips to the underground #was able to convince flowey to take a piece of their soul so he could hold his goat form together somewhat #and bring him back to the surface #but for chara it took longer. two years maybe? from monster independence day to come back #because frisk had to first find out where chara's real original soul was being kept and then find it and stuff #i can talk about this another time its such a huge can of worms my god #BUT BASICALLY it was a few years and by the time both kids were integrating back into society #the lives of those they loved had changed so drastically #chara didnt know their parents split up. they didnt know asgore killed human children or that their mother went into isolation #not until the game events anyways #and when they cam to the surface and saw all of that stuff -in person- as well as how well/poorly one parent was doing over another #theyyyy didnt take it well. like their mother had a new partner (doesnt matter who take your pick) and was raising frisk #and their dad was super mega turbo divorced and depressed and had nothing but his garden #in their mind toriel didnt need them anymore. she had a new partner and a new human kid and chara had served their purpose #so they elected to stay with asgore so he would have Someone anyone in his life and asriel followed #iiittts a huge mess basically. huge emotional landmine mess of insane proportions #undertale #my art #ask

[adlibitur]

sometimes i have to stop myself from retelling other peoples funny stories because they live so fondly in my own memory

#george foreman closet story comes to mind any time someone mentions george foreman and i smile and have to not laugh #because george foreman alone isnt supposed to be funny but in my mind its permanently tied to that story and that story always make me laugh #just like when someone brings up DBZ and i fondly remember someone on too much cough syrup telling me they totally understand goku and #can relate to him entirely #fond memories are such a blessing to have and to hold on to lmao #funny stories with and from friends are everything #or walking into the door story with the now ex marine #or the amount of butter in scrambled eggs that makes it good that someone showed me in a dark time #things that stay with me til this day like how much butter goes in eggs is influenced by one person and texture by another and so on #i am a collection of imprints of love in action love as a verb #taking the love and integrating it into my own behavior in a way because love changes you #fond memories and stories are little tokens of love left over #too much death lately making me softer about whats left #i cope with grief actually by completely mentally banishing all memory of thought of the topic into a dissociation mode around it and #its something im actually trying to engage with differently because it doesnt let me have the happier memories either and #the people deserve to be remembered not just the little ways i carry them on through what i picked up from them

[loadsofcats]

Have a feeling that, if more of you read Riders of the purple sage by Zane Grey, you’d be going mad over Lassiter

#the puns with his surname would be insufferable it sometimes sneaks up on me #i love him very dearly #both him and jane #Jane for being exactly who she is; stubborn kind welcoming and seemingly dumb but actually quite clever #she has a ranch all to herself #and for lassiter…… his name is Jim. I was not expecting that #secondly he’s from texas and now i had to figure out how texans speak. #this one also sneaks up on me because i did not earlier have a) a realisation that texan accent Does Exist so i remembered that’s a thing #too and b) i did not ususally connect texan accent with cool people (sorry but i only ever heard it once in a blue moon from tv) #anyway I love him very much because in the first chapters he comes all like “Yes. The Black cowboy it is me. I am very dangerous. #Jane I will protect you and your friend.” and then he does and #Jane later invites him for dinner and the man just… dissolves into a puddle with heart eyes on it like “oh i… really miss #it is a-a-alright; you don’t have to invite me for dinner [insert that emotional crying cat] Lassiter can survive just fine” #He’s twirling his hat all that time in his hands like a nervous teenager #I mean he comes there all strong and brooding and whenever Jane speaks he just. Melts. Babygirl really #he goes to retrieve Jane’s cattle he loses his horse in the process!!! #and he still stays! Even when Jane tries so hard to deter him from killing who he came to kill hes like “oh well. Guess I’ll stay here unti #you… change your mind” and Jane’s like “I will not change my mind”. And he goes #“Oh well ill stay anyway you need help managing a farm on your own” and he just stays to “help” #i could write paragraphs about Jane as well but this is a Lassiter appreciation post <3 #book #books #it talks #tag edition #riders of the purple sage #zane grey

[meistoshi]

due to personal reasons (being on undercover brainrot) am once again thinking abt my frontier n badend verses coz in both satoshi takes a more active interest in working to protect various regions & more purposefully offers assistance when he hears about troubles, the only main difference in that regard between the verses being that frontier still sees him travel for the thrill of it & not quite seeking out trouble while badend sees him travel almost primarily To look for troubles to solve

#honestly at this point i think frontier might like. meld with my blogcanon a lil??? in that thats Thee endgame version of him #i used to have all this stuff abt him staying a competitive battler till like his 40s at the least but #hes grown in a way where competition is kind of secondary to the Exploration of it all??? a battler till be dies (for good) but like #compared to a few years ago the idea of becoming a frontier brain is Much more appealing these days #esp as he considers the brains that he knows & esp jindai who Has combined constant travel & exploration with being a brain #so satoshi Is kind of considering eventually taking up the frontier brain offer enishida left open for him #just. as an option. like it's no longer a definite no. much like a while ago the thought of training his aura felt like a definite no #bc he wanted to focus on battling & challenging leagues n stuff #but things changed & perspectives opened up to him & stuff happened & now he's Eager to train his aura #so he's just keeping the frontier offer in his mind as something to consider as a likely eventuality since anything can happen #(like. prolly wont travel in a stadium-sized rocket but.) jindai def proves to him frontiers & travel dont have to be mutually exclusive #& he likes the idea (hypothetically) of the system datsura has of having a large variety of pokémon to choose from #& giving opponents the chance to literally pick their battles #he's. simply been considering his options. #he's been considering a lot lately #ooc. pkmn is autistic culture. #how did i go from international problem-solving to This #like i know HOW but. man.

[puppyeared]

save me old flipnote studio MVs.......

#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones #is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme......... #its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid #i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over #theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later #especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure #interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries.. #god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and #cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE #CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus #on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with #and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR #i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with #strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid #someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from #the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors #ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK #lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too #now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here #UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS #yapping #nostalgia

[carbonateddelusion]

I have. Thoughts. I am going to explode with cartoonish sound effects that accompany my demise. play the juggalo step song at my funeral and make my old-ass relatives dance to it

#[rotates edgar in my mind] a hee hee hooo #funy ... man... #isaac was the first to meet him n was hired there bc they're much more of a people person than eddie #then noah stayed a night or two... and ended up wanting to stick around so he was eventually hired too #just. funy tall man all alone in his hainted motel/hotel.... #the way the ghosts work has changed a lot so he has to do stuff like.. channel them. perform certain rituals so they're audible and visible #...to people who aren't him that is #the first time he built up enough strength to let isaac and noah see the kids ended up with him trying to focus #for as long as he could #so that isaac can see and talk to his lil sister... #and then he kept pushing himself and fucking fainted. so instead of having a normal emotional time #NOW isaac is freaking out because 1. ghosts exist 2. psychics are real 3. my dead baby sister is a ghost 4. my friend is a psychic #5. he just went unconscious and i don't know if he hurt himself or if he's breathing or anything 6. IF GHOSTS AND PSYCHICS ARE REAL DOES #-THAT MEAN THAT I WAS WRONG ABOUT OTHER THINGS LIKE HEAVEN AND HELL #and noah's just like. 'i'll. make sure eddie's okay you clearly need some space' #on one hand it's 'of course edgar did that. of course he pushed himself to the point of fainting to help someone' and #on the other it's 'you just made this way worse by trying to help' KSHQKBSKS. #mind you noah and isaac are both pretty.. critical? people when it comes to religion and spirituality #noah had a big crisis of faith when he was in his 20s bc of his dad dying #and isaac stopped believing in anything religious or spiritual altogether some time after them being a bb #noah believes in capital G God but not in things like ghosts #so when edgar tries to tell them they're like. 'oh no he's even more mentally ill than we thought' #and then they question everything they've ever believed in when he shows them the kiddos #you should totally ask me things abt how the ghosts work btw <3

[arthur-r]

i’ve gotten really bad over break at falling asleep in a time frame where i can wake up in the morning and function at capacity. but in other news i’ve written a very angry song aimed at my father. so that’s fun

#good morning everybody i tried so hard to go to sleep when i still had a chance at eight hours #i’m still gonna get seven but that’s like. if i fall asleep immediately #anyway my dad deserves to have a song about his problems i focused too much on my mom with hard to break #although actually the core memory that made me want to write that song is my dad calling me a monster when i was like ten #however the song itself is mostly about the way my mom looks at me. where it’s like i’m not human. which is a mom thing #anyway things have been really bad at home lately like i’ve mostly avoided talking about it but literally earlier today i packed a bag to #run away and just kind of changed my mind when i found out my mom was working #(because the type of running away i mean is not as drastic as it necessarily sounds. mostly just wanted to move into the apartment #permanently and im basically going to do that starting next week like i’ll be supposed to go home but i can always decide not to) #anyway do you kiss my mother with that mouth or let your anger rise and cuss her out? do you want to fuck her or do you say fuck her? #either way you fucking overshare!! do you kiss my mother with that mouth? or tell me to shut up and get the fuck out? #and when you tell those jokes do you understand how deep it goes? cant you see i’m broken from the actions that you chose?? #i just wanna get out of this i just keep getting sadder!! i’d rather not even exist does my involvement matter?? #[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest #came up with the first bit on guitar a few days ago and my dad heard the chords from my room and was like hey that sounds like pink floyd #and i had to be like nope just a chromatic scale. and be glad that i was only whispering the words #anyway if you see me right now no you don’t. and i am so incredibly asleep rn. spooky scary talking in my sleep (/all of this is untrue) #sleeping is like. my favorite hobby. but i am entirely incapable of it when there are this many anxieties floating around my head #it also maybe doesn’t help that i finished the caffeinated lemonade this morning at like 1pm. digging my own hole to lie in here #anyway im going to try and stay after school tomorrow and then go to the apartment from there. rather than see my dad and pretend we’re okay #but hi from after midnight. i miss the days where i could sleep in until ten cause im kind of a night owl i just also really like sleeping #like if i could be blathers from animal crossing and nap for twelve hours getting woke up every once in a while and given a fossil and then #going back to sleep. and then waking up when it’s dark out and every once in a while getting given a fossil. that’s the life #anyway sorry for still being here. i was eyes closed for a while and my do not disturb has been on this whole time. and yet i’m awake #going to post this and go to sleep. though. cause unless we get another snow day in a row then i do have school tomorrow morning #and a snow day would actually be terrible because of. aforementioned not wanting to be at home. and being snowed in is terrifying #ok anyway i really have to go to sleep but yeah. goodnight world wish me luck again with sleeping!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later #ask to tag

[strwbrymlkshake]

I wanna post about my recovery + ramble in tags at the same time but I'm not motivated enough to come up with a mediocre yandere post rn , so just know that my life is going?? Somewhat good in terms of romance

#mine #💿 #i can only ramble in tags. posts feel too official im shy</3 i feel like tags are less likely to show up on search engines as well... #just forever paranoid about the blog being discovered you know how it goes. personal stuff (proceeds to post it online) #in the general scheme of things im doing alright. tho im currently obsessed with a game instead of a man so idk if that counts #feels like im just waiting for an important event to happen. like ill have a great life changing thing but rn im just in limbo. waiting! #i dont mind it because i take joy in the small things in my day to day life but i feel like i should be doing bigger things. doing more #hell. BEING more. theres lots of cookie cutter paths i could take but none of them fit the mould im making yk. its boring. #on one hand im proud of myself for being able to stay focused on my interests instead of wasting time on a guy who doesnt care abt me #like i still am doing that a Little Bit but its not as detrimental to my daily life as it used to be. like its fine now #on the topic of.. him. we dont really talk much but i feel theres sort of a weird air between us now and he could tell i was in the yanzone #im not too broken up about it because i repeatedly told myself this would happen n i knew it would but everythings okay as it is rn #i still do admire him but not as intensely. the moment he stops hinting at even the possibility he could be interested my attention drops #i want to be everything but at the same time i want to be nothing. i want to be god and the earth and the sun and death and disease. #im working up to being perfect but at the same time i know no such thing exists so meanwhile im just. working up. to SOMETHING #i want everyday of my life to be an adventure. at the same time im much too tired for that. guess thats why i stick with emotional trifles #im not in love with him or anything. its the same as everyone else. like various dials in a lab that i have to keep below 50 #or else bad things will happen. like a scientist with anxiety. its like i be insane for a little while and the dial goes down #but any others could easily skyrocket because i find little things i adore about one person and latch onto them!!! like art #i feel im the most socially acptble level of yandere out of them all rn. in insanity specifically tho. in othr aspects im still weird #the power of autism is condemning me from learning proper social skills but by god i am TRYING my hardest n learning new things #i sit around waiting but atleast im building skills while doing it. part of what life is about i guess! #you come for the yandere content and then i just post philosophical rants. a tragedy most awful to those who can relate #but im okay with it as long as these strange lengthy rambles help me recover better!! no problem at all. one day i will be better #tl;dr i havent found love yet but im not miserable either. trying to improve myself through numerous mental quarrels n experience

[steviescrystals]

one more rant about my layoff in the tags and then i’ll shut up i promise

#my mom is telling me to apply for unemployment and i’m so overwhelmed even thinking abt it #the guy from payroll who so nicely told me about the layoff sent me a link for it like that’s the natural next step #but like i’m not planning on staying unemployed for more than like a week i’m planning on applying for another job in a few days #so i feel like it’s not even worth it but at the same time i do need money bc the timing of this was terrible #BUT idk if i’m even eligible for unemployment bc i have a second job #i’m on demand there so i only work like once every couple months but it’s still a job so i’m not technically unemployed yk #and i was going through the eligibility requirements online and i can’t find anything related to that one way or the other #i want to just say fuck it and not worry about it #but is that stupid bc i currently only have like one job in mind to apply for and i don’t even know if they’re hiring yet #i feel like i’m being dumb and picky bc i’m still in college so it’s not like it’s a career thing i just need a job for now #preferably retail bc that’s what i’ve always done and i’m extremely opposed to the idea of a serving job #anyway it shouldn’t really matter that much bc it’s gonna be temporary #but i’m not the type to change jobs often (i’ve only ever had 2 and they’re the one i got laid off from and the one i’m still on demand at) #so wherever i end up working i’m planning on staying for at least a couple years so i want it to be something i at least somewhat enjoy #it just sucks so much having to go through this whole process #bc i was planning on staying at this last job until i finished school and possibly longer #and now i don’t have that option bc they let me go with no warning and no explanation #and i loved that job so i’ve been extremely depressed ever since i got the call #which just makes the whole unemployment/applying for new jobs thing so much harder #and i wish i could stop whining about it but it’s literally all i can think about i’m just! so unhappy rn! #vent #lj.txt

[makingshortstorieslong]

.

#absolutely what the FUCK #I shared a post about looking for volunteer teachers for Palestinian refugee kids on my Insta #just got a a text from my mom that she saw it and she's repeating bullshit I'm certain she saw on Fox News #I don't know how to talk to her about the hate and the misinformation I just ignore it but that's so. I don't know. I don't know what I can #Do because when we have had convertsions once or twice on topics about which I know she is majorly misinformed #the issue is a) I am not the most informed - I can't be an expert on everything and I could be more informed about what I do know about so #have a lot of doubt while she doesn't have any #and b) even when I have opened her mind a bit when the topic comes up again it's been slammed closed. It's fucking Sisyphean #but anyway that seemed like something worth sharing bc someone in my circles may be able to contribute #and anyway it's for teaching CHILDREN. REFUGEES. Shouldn't matter where they are from #I won't repeat what she said but she's fucking. Fully lumping in all palestinians together and considering them evil. #im not taking it down. But I don't know how to fucking talk to her about anything. I don't believe I can actually change her mind #but it does feel like a cowardly move to stay silent #I cannot believe her I absolutely cannot believe her #I guess not being home right now I'm not surrounded by the same political climate so I'm missing things